Petra woke with tears on her face, and lay in bed listening to Nifa breathe steadily beside her. Bleary, she looked at the window and saw the first faint light of day on the horizon. Not dawn yet—no reds or pinks. Only a charcoal gray, the first sign that night was ending. She couldn't have gotten more than two hours of sleep, and she needed her rest. Grumbling, Petra rolled onto her side. She smiled at Nifa, who looked a bit like a dead squirrel when she slept: mouth ajar, head tilted back, front teeth on prominent display. All the girls had teased Nifa about that back in training.

How many of those girls are dead now? The thought drained the smile.

Petra bundled deeper under the blankets, wincing as the previous night crashed over her once more. The helplessness of Karl lifting her skirt, the vicious thrill of breaking his damn nose; the horror of watching the captain at work, and the sheer ecstasy of their stolen kisses up in those trees. The plunge of her stomach as he pulled away once again. Tears pricked her eyes.

She wanted to wake Nifa up to have someone to talk to about this, but that wouldn't be right. Nifa had already sat up with her an extra hour when they got back. Washed, with their nightgowns on, the two had huddled in their shared bed and Nifa had listened with horror growing on her face.

"I had no idea," she kept whispering. It was such a story that even when Petra told her about the captain, Nifa's enthusiasm had been muted. A few high-pitched shrieks into her cupped hands, several sworn promises not to tell anyone, but then the enthusiasm died. "What happens now?" Nifa had asked.

"I try to move on, I suppose. Stay on his squad." Petra winced; the mere thought of seeing the captain for the ride home tomorrow made her want to hide under the covers. How would she face him over and over again at training, and during expeditions?

"Are you sure it's hopeless?" Nifa asked. Petra shrugged.

"He wanted to talk to me after we got back. I said no."

Nifa whacked her with a pillow. "Who knows what he would've said!"

"I do. He agreed when I told him that we should just pretend this never happened."

Nifa huffed, and ran a hand through her bangs. "I love you, Petra, but you know absolutely nothing about men."

Petra had glared. "I know a few things." Nifa was the girl who'd taught her a few simple, comprehensive contraceptive techniques, after all.

"Nothing frightens a man more than the thought of rejection by a woman. Nothing. The captain would rather face a horde of titans on his own than ever pour his heart out to you and hear you respond 'You're very nice, but.' The second he thought you didn't want him, he agreed to avoid embarrassment."

"But I don't want him. It's too complicated, and." Petra swallowed. "And he's not the man I thought he was."

"Who did you think he was? A god? Some perfect shining knight riding across the plains? You know what he's like! You spend more time with him than almost anyone."

"I thought he was…steadier." Petra bit her lip. That wasn't the right word, was it? The captain, in many ways, was the steadiest, most reliable man she'd ever seen. But… "That is, he doesn't know how to feel anything. He's like a child in some ways. And I think he's too old to be like that." She'd had to stop, then, because she couldn't hold back the tears. Nifa had rubbed her back, petted her hair. "I can't take the risk. I don't want that responsibility."

"Okay, then." Nifa had kissed her cheek, and they'd finally lain down and gone to sleep. But Petra's dreams had been filled with titans' mouths opening to swallow her, men's hands coming out of the darkness to untie her dress, and the captain underneath her, naked, digging his nails into her body and begging her not to get up. When she'd woken, she'd been half terrified and half aroused.

"So. Just like the rest of the night," she muttered, and rubbed her eyes. She knew now that there'd be no sleep. Petra slid out of bed, trying not to disturb Nifa. She found her boots in the semi-darkness and slipped them on, then found her Survey Corps trenchcoat. Tying it at the waist, she stepped to the window and looked out on the yard below. Through the lanterns hanging around the inn's perimeter, she saw the snow was falling, and had been for some time. The yard below was a pristine blanket of white.

Well. Almost pristine. Petra saw a line of tracks leading from the inn's front door all the way to the stables, a long, low building on the right hand side of the inn's courtyard. Petra saw a light flickering through the window. Someone was keeping the horses company.

Very likely it was the stablehand gone for his early morning routine. But Petra knew exactly where she was going as she slipped across the room and out the door.

She walked down the hall, listening to the absolute stillness of the inn. Petra paused as a clock sounded, and chimed five times. Probably that would be the signal for the kitchens to get a move on. She imagined some kid having to wake up the staff below stairs, readying them for another day. Petra only had this magical darkness to herself for a little while longer. It was so strange to stand in an empty place where hundreds of people had moved about just a little while ago. It made her feel like a ghost. Was that what it was like to die? Standing around in the shadows of places you'd once moved, invisible to everyone around you, always near but eternally far? Petra didn't like that thought. She descended the staircase and walked to the inn's front door. Wincing at the sharp creak, she opened it and stepped out into the world.

The silence was so complete, it was a pressure on Petra's ears. She held out a hand, watched as a few soft flakes touched her skin and dissolved on contact. She followed the footprints—a man's, by the look of it, and not very large. Her heart palpitated sharply as she let the prints guide her like a trail of breadcrumbs in a children's story. She walked to the stable entrance, and opened the door.

The captain was there, seated on a stool beneath his horse's stall. The captain's black mare was wearing her blanket against the cold, and leaned her head over the stall's door to bluster and nose at her master. Levi was dressed in his fine black trousers still, though his shirt was different and far less grand. He had his own trench draped over his shoulders. By his feet, a pot of tea rested alongside a cup. Steam curled over the cup's rim; freshly poured.

He looked up at her. Perhaps it was the single lantern flickering at his feet, casting its light upward, but he seemed so hollow now, and thin-cheeked. Without his gear, and his bravado, he was so very small.

"Ral. What're you doing up?" He didn't stand. He sounded as disinterested as if they'd never shared all that they'd experienced tonight. As if he'd never had her in his arms, whispering in his ear that he wanted to fuck her.

"I couldn't sleep," she said, and shut the door behind her. Levi said nothing, merely picked up his cup and sipped his tea. When his mare flipped her lip against his head, he reached up and stroked her nose. The horse blustered; Petra heard the happy swish of her tail.

Two years ago, she'd been in her own horse's stall, cleaning out the hooves and brushing her down. Petra had been kneeling in the straw when she heard the captain enter the stable. He didn't know anyone else was around when he began talking to his horse. Petra had listened, wide-eyed and unsure what to do.

"Yes, you're the prettiest horse around. No one's prettier than you." Levi had not said any of this in the baby talk voice many people used for their animals. He uttered it with all the conviction of direct orders given to his men in the heat of battle. "You've got the softest muzzle. You like your carrots. Yeah, that's right. Don't look at those other horses. They're just fuckin' jealous, because you're the prettiest. Yes you are." Soon after, the captain had left, and Petra had finally allowed herself to bury her face in her arms and howl in delighted laughter. That was when she learned that the captain, beneath all of his surliness, had a princely heart.

That was the moment she went from lust to love.

"Afraid I'm not much company. You should probably go back. People'll be up in a few hours." He sipped his tea once more, set it by his feet.

"Isn't it cold out here?" Petra's breath was visible as she asked. Levi shrugged.

"Helps me think."

"About what?"

He looked at her from underneath furrowed brows. "Thought we agreed we didn't want a talk."

"I…" There was no good way to answer that. "I was cold, and I was tired. After everything that'd happened, I—"

"Look. No hard feelings. We said everything we needed to say at the carriage." He sipped again. "But if you're a sucker for punishment, here goes." He looked her straight in her eyes. His gaze held nothing. "I'm too old for you. I'm your superior officer. Those are two very good reasons not to take this any further."

"And you don't like me?"

"I'm attracted to you. That should be obvious." Every word was delivered with a hammer's precision. "I like you as a person. Mix that up, and things get confusing. But I don't wanna make an honest woman out of you."

During this, Petra had searched his eyes for some crack. Some hint that he was begging her to contradict him. But there was nothing. The realization dawned then that he had not been lying to her back at the carriage. That he had wanted to tell her it was over before it'd begun, and he was glad she agreed. Petra was standing outside of a locked door once more, worse now because she had been permitted a peek inside where everything was wonderful. But now, the door would never open again. She'd been judged unsuitable.

No. She had not. She was dealing with a master of survival, and he was daring her to contradict his nice, safe story.

"You liar," she whispered. Levi did not react. Petra felt the ground move beneath her feet; the thought bubbling up, begging to pass her lips, if she spoke it she would be dashing the heroic image of her captain to pieces, but…but… "You coward."

That got to him. His nostrils flared.

"You don't want to get into this with me, Petra. I will win."

"Win what?" She stepped nearer to him. To the right, the stables stretched on into darkness, the lantern's glow picking out the jeweled flash of a horse's eye, or the flap of an ear. But it was them, the two of them right now in this bubble of light, the only ones who mattered; they were on a dead planet, with only darkness and snow outside. "Is that how you see life? Winners and losers and nothing in between?"

"I can't help what the world is. Children pretend stones are jewels, soldiers are knights, and other bullshit like that. Are you a child, Petra?"

"Right now, I don't think I'm the one who's being childish."

She had stepped beyond the boundaries of anything they had ever said or done to one another before, even beyond the kissing. This was new ground for both of them, and they swayed back and forth, as if deciding whether to bolt or brave forward.

But the man Petra had wanted was gone, had never even existed, and if she wanted him now, as he was…if she wanted to be with him…then the people they were to one another had to die. Tonight.

Levi slid fingers through his hair. He leaned his elbow on his knee, and cradled his forehead in his hand. In that moment, he looked more tired than she had ever seen him.

"I wish I could sleep."

"Oh." What could she say to that? "Maybe…you shouldn't drink tea, then?"

A snort of laughter from the captain.

"Nurse Petra." He rubbed his eyes. "I want to get drunk, but I can't. I want to sleep, but I can't. There's no escape for me, ever." His voice was soft and dull as he said, "I guess that's what death's for."

"Sir," she gasped.

"Relax. I don't think it's in my nature to kill myself. Fuck knows, I've thought about it a few times." He toasted her with his cup. "This turn you on, Petra? This what you want to saddle yourself with?"

He was a broken man, she realized. His strength was born out of pain. Any sensible person would tell her to walk out now, that a man like that would drag her down. There were others out there closer to her in age, in temperament, in beliefs. It would be easier for her not to love this man.

But.

She did love him. And you could not turn your back on love. If Levi were dangerous to her, if he would hurt her, that would be different. But he would never lift a finger against her; she knew that. And Petra could not know right now if eventually his personality would weary her, sink her into a bleak indifference alongside him. Make her come to hate him. Ruin everything they had built together, on his squad.

This was a risk she might not want to take.

But Petra did not live her life safely. She'd always been a bit wild, even before she saw the captain and her life changed forever. It did not matter what the world would say; to her, it mattered what she felt.

And for this man, she felt everything.

So she answered him.

"Yes. You're what I want to saddle myself with, sir."

Silence then, except the clop of a horse's hooves somewhere in the dark. Petra had an idiotic idea to make a joke about 'saddling' and 'stables', but she decided not to push her luck. Levi finally let out his breath.

"That's a very stupid answer."

"I've never claimed to be the smartest person."

"But you are smart. Too smart for this." He cleared his throat. His eyes were dead. "And I don't want you. I don't want a wife."

"I didn't say I wanted to be one."

He nearly spilled his tea. Setting the cup down, Levi glared at her.

"Then you want to be my whore? Is that it?" he growled.

"If those are the only two ways you see women, then I'm sorry for you." She would not back away. Levi rubbed his eyes. The cracks in his armor were showing.

"I don't think that, for fuck's sake. You want to be lovers, that it? What do you think that'd be like? Hmm?" The captain finally stood, though he did not approach her. "Even if we could swing it with Erwin, what are you thinking? Can you even imagine what we'd do together?" His eyes, normally glacier cold, began to ignite. "If you knew the disgusting things I've wanted to do to you, you could never look at me the same way again."

Petra frowned. "Do you want to beat me? Do you fantasize about raping me, like Karl?"

He flinched. "Fuck no."

"Then I don't understand what's so wrong."

"Petra, you're innocent. You don't know the disgusting things that men want." He turned his face from her. "The way I've thought about your body is inhuman. You don't know what men and women do—"

"Excuse me?" Petra was too bewildered to use tact. She said simply, "I'm not a virgin, you know."

Levi appeared to process the information in steps. He froze, and his eyes darted to her, then to the floor, then back to her. If he hadn't looked so deathly grim, it would have been funny.

"Ah," he said at last. Petra crossed her arms.

"Captain. Does that make you want me less?"

"No," he said at once.

"What did you want to do to me, then?" she whispered. Slowly, she approached him, though only by a step. "What's so inhuman?"

For a moment, Levi was still as stone. She wondered if he might not speak again.

"When I think about touching you, I just think of your body. I don't… I want to… Sex is… Um. Unsanitary," he said at last. He began to breathe heavily; clearly, he did not know how to express himself. An idea began to dawn in Petra's mind.

"How many women have you slept with, sir?" she asked quietly.

"How many men for you?" he returned, eyes narrowing. Fine. She'd humor him.

"Two."

"Really." His lips turned down in a grimace. "Do I know them?" he growled.

"What about you?" Petra asked. "I answered for you. Would you please do the same?"

"Captain."

"Captain."

Levi jutted his jaw, and paused. "None," he said at last. He grunted the word.

As she'd suspected. Petra smiled in relief.

"Then you don't know how good it can be!"

"Has it been so good for you?"

Petra thought of closing her eyes and wishing it to be over already as a man fucked her. She'd ridden on top of them—and they were good boys, it wasn't their fault—and while riding, she'd tried to picture the captain's face, or tell herself a story. She did not hate sex, but to her it had held the erotic value of combing her hair. Sometimes after making love she would walk to the edge of the training dormitories, or the Survey Corps barracks, and cry. Maybe what she wanted did not exist. Maybe she was frigid.

But five seconds in the captain's arms and she had known that it was possible to want somebody as desperately as you wanted air.

"It will be with you."

Levi's expression slackened, and for the first time since she had known him she saw a kind of wistful hopefulness in his gaze. Petra came nearer, but he held up a hand.

"No." He locked that hope away. "No, Petra. I'm too old. I'm your captain. I don't want a wife, and I don't want to lead you on. I want you, but I don't love you. Find a man who does."

Petra smiled then, and tears sped down her cheeks. She had never been so happy.

"Sir. You're a terrible liar." She approached him, and this time his hand fell.

"What makes you think that?" he growled.

"Because I know you," she said. "I don't think you're the type of man who could ever want somebody without loving them."

"That's wishful talk."

"All you have is love. You love every member of the Corps. Your horse. Your comrades, your subordinates. You just don't know how to show what you feel."

"I told you, I want your body. Nothing else."

"Then you can have it. I'll take whatever I can get from you."

He inhaled deeply. "You don't know—"

"I know what sex is. I can have that, if nothing else."

"No." His face collapsed, as if in pain. "That's wrong. Please."

"Why is it wrong, sir?" She reached for his hands, but he walked past her, picked up the lantern. He stood there, and gestured for the door.

"Go to bed, Petra. Now." His voice was flinty. "That's an order."

"Because you don't want to use me? But I told you it's all right."

"Go to bed, or I swear you're getting latrine duty."

"I offer you sex, and you tell me I need to scrub toilets?" Her brow wrinkled. "I don't understand."

"You need to obey me. I'm your commanding officer, Ral."

Petra's temper began to spark.

"All I did tonight was obey you, and look what happened to me!"

Levi froze. She watched him sink back inside of himself. Petra realized she had thrown her entire predicament at him, and he had accepted it. Added it to the load he was already carrying.

"That's why I don't want to be with you." He sighed. "I can't watch your feelings shrink when you realize what a goddamn useless piece of shit I am."

"You are the least useless man I've ever met."

"You've only met me in battle and training. I don't know anything but violence, Petra. It's how I talk. It's how I connect. I'm." He rubbed his face, set the lantern down. "I'm so fucking tired."

"Sir. I want to help you in any way I can." Petra sniffed; as fast as fury had come in, tears followed behind. "I don't want you to be alone."

"I'm better alone, Petra. No one gets hurt that way."

"That's not true."

"I'm asking you now because I mean it. Please go back to bed. There's nothing for you here." He turned from her then, and went to stand by the window. Leaning his elbows upon the sill, he gazed out into the wintry dawn. The sky had turned slate gray now; the pinks of the sun would follow soon. She should just leave. She could not force his confidence, or his affection, if he didn't want to give them. Petra brushed the tips of her fingers along Levi's horse's nose. She nickered in reply. As Petra began to walk, the captain grumbled behind her.

"She likes you."

Petra stopped, and closed her eyes. Gathering her courage, she turned.

"Do you want to know when I fell in love with you?" she whispered. The captain didn't flinch, or tell her to shut up. She went on. "It was in the stables. You didn't see me—you thought you were alone. So you started talking to your horse. You told her she was the prettiest; you were feeding her carrots. And you sounded so stern about it." Petra giggled to remember. She couldn't help it. "At first, I'll be honest, I was embarrassed for you. I thought, how can this terrifying, godlike man possibly be such a soft touch with his horse? I thought it was childish." He did not respond, merely continued to stare at the snow. "But almost immediately, this amazing warmth filled my whole body. I realized you're the kind of man every person should want. You're so strong, but you're principled. You make everything spotless and orderly. You're the bravest man, and so hard to your enemies, but there was this gentleness in you that never went away. All the horrible things you must have faced never killed that kind of love. I realized then that that's who you really are. I would rather be with the man who praises his horse than some cold, perfect god." Petra wiped her eyes. "I don't know what happened to you, sir, and if you don't want to tell me that's fine. But I love you, and that's why I love you. And I don't think that's going to change. So good night." Her voice gave out, and Petra wheeled and went for the door. She put her hand on the knob.

"Wait." Levi's voice was a sharp command. Petra spun about, her heart beating fast.

"Yes?" she breathed.

He stood in the center of the stables, hands in his pockets. He regarded her with a predator's assessment.

"You didn't get to dance that waltz you love tonight, did you?"

"Um." Petra had not anticipated this. She tried to think up a response. "N-No, sir."

"What's it called?"

"The Marian?"

"Yeah. That. I'm sorry you missed it."

Petra shrugged. "Maybe next year, I suppose."

"We're Survey Corps, Petra. For us, there's no guarantee of next year."

"I suppose not."

"So." He nodded, and extended his hand. "You want to?"

"Do…I want to…?" He could not be asking what she thought he was asking. Could he?

"Eh, just a thought. Besides, you're in a nightgown. There are horses. No music. I understand if—" Levi began to retract his hand.

"Yes." She nearly tripped over her own feet as she walked back to him. "Th-Thank you, sir. I'd like to very much."

Levi sniffed. "Okay then. You're gonna have to remind me of a few steps. I can never remember the damn thing."

"The first part is easy." Petra's head seemed to spin; what was she doing now? Where was this going? Slowly, she took the captain's hand and placed it upon her waist. He held her closer, but kept a respectful distance between their bodies. Next, she took his other hand in hers, threaded their fingers together. Petra was now in a breathless daze. Hopefully she'd remember how to keep time. "One two three, one two three. You feel it?"

"Yeah. I got it. Er, which foot starts?"

She showed him, and then soon after they were dancing. They began slow, making certain that they did not bang into anything; there wasn't much light, after all, and they were in a stable. The horses watched with seeming interest as they began to turn around the space. Levi was nimble on his feet, more so than she'd ever expected.

"You're good at this," she whispered.

"Eh. I might've watched it a few times. It's a good dance." A pause as they spun. Then, "I might've watched you, that is."

Warmth bloomed in Petra's chest. She smiled.

"Oh."

The dance continued. There was nothing physical on this earth, it seemed, that he could not do better than anyone else. As they continued, Petra whispered.

"We're coming up on the lifts." She could hear the lilting violins rise and fall; it was as if her heart were keeping time. "Are you ready?"

"You're not hard to lift, Ral."

He gripped her by the waist and spun her through the air. One two three, one two three, and again. When he set her down, she turned her back upon him. His hand was to go about her waist, and they were to make a few steps forward and backward. It was one of the more "sensual" parts of the dance. With Gunther, Petra and he had giggled so much they'd nearly fallen out of step. There was no giggling now.

When Levi's arm wrapped around her waist and held her close against him, it was as if he'd whispered something warm and intoxicating into her ear. Petra shuddered, tilted her head back and closed her eyes. His cheek came against hers, his breath was on her neck. They moved together.

The captain was not a man for words, but for action. His touch and his embrace told her everything she needed to know. Everything she'd hoped.

Back and forth, his arm around her waist. I need you, Petra.

Spin around, lift into the air. I will care for you, Petra.

Then, returned to earth, came the most romantic move of the dance. The woman snaked her arm around the gentleman's neck and pulled their faces close. He tucked her against his body, holding her by the waist once again. Normally, the male partner was taller and the move required a bit of work on one or the other's part. But Levi and Petra were only an inch separated in height. Petra wrapped her arm around his neck, and he cradled her. They spun then, noses barely an inch from one another, staring into each other's eyes.

I love you, Petra.

His touch, his look, they spoke what his tongue couldn't. Petra continued spinning long after they'd stopped in the middle of the floor. For a minute, they only breathed.

"So. Was there more to the dance?" Levi asked.

"Probably."

He pulled her closer to him, and Petra let her hands float down to his shoulders. Tentatively, she leaned forward an inch and ghosted her nose against his. An affectionate bump, an exploratory mission. When she pulled back, he briefly smiled.

"Little tease," he said. Then, his hands sliding up and down her back, he said, "You were beautiful tonight." She thrilled at the words as he pressed his cheek against hers and whispered into her ear. "You're beautiful now." Petra's entire body hummed in anticipation. She could not believe any person could experience this much happiness. "Am I doing this right?" he murmured.

"Perfectly." She pressed her lips to his temple briefly, and he gave a shuddering breath in reply.

"This may not work. You may get tired of me."

"It may not work. But I want to take that chance." She looked into his thin, gray eyes. "Do you?"

"Unfortunately, I think I have to." He shook his head. "I don't want any regrets."

With that, he took her face into his hands, and his thumbs traced across her cheeks, wiping the tears away. He brought her close, and pressed his lips to her forehead. He kissed her closed eyelids, and then the tip of her nose. Petra sighed as his lips traced her temple to her cheek. He grunted as he tasted the path of her tears.

"Is this all right?" he whispered.

"Yes, sir." She gasped as he brought his mouth to hover over hers.

"Levi," he whispered, his lips brushing hers as he spoke. "Just Levi."

"Levi," she moaned, and he kissed her. Petra's body was on fire once again, but it was a mellower flame this time. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him deeply in return. The kisses this time were slow, as if they were savoring each other. When one long kiss ended, she would quickly place a smaller one on his bottom lip. He smiled, a quirk, and then kissed her again. He alternated kissing her lips with her forehead, her hand, her cheek. She trailed her fingers along his undercut, reveling in the ticklish hairs. She moaned against his lips, and he responded in kind, but this time there was no groping. After a few minutes, she broke the kiss and placed her forehead against his, holding him close. His hands rested on her waist. They swayed back and forth, lost in one another.

The embrace in the tree had been fueled by sex. This was tempered by love.

"How are you feeling?" she whispered.

"Um. Good." Pause. "Really, really good." The captain made an uncomfortable noise. "You know I'm no good with this talking shit, Petra."

She grinned.

"That's one of the reasons I like you. Your honesty. Well." She kissed his lips again. They were thin, and a bit rough, but tender with feeling. "What would you like to do now?"

His breathing hitched.

"I don't. Want. To pressure you."

"I don't want to pressure you, either." She kissed him again, tasted the tea on his lips. "But if you're worried, I am very ready to go as far as you'd like."

He pressed her close. She felt the thundering of his heart.

"If it's too fast," she began, but he cut her off.

"People will be up soon. That's the thing."

"I understand."

"But." He grunted. "I want to tell Erwin about this. It's not right to sneak around."

She tightened her embrace. "Yes."

"If someone did walk in on us, well, it's not like we've got anything to hide."

"No," she whispered. She did not want to tell him that the idea of being underneath him sent a deep, hot throbbing through the core of her body, to pulse right between her legs. She would go absolutely insane if he took her to the brink and then…

"I know this is probably the dumbest fucking thing I'll ever say," he growled, then kissed her. The kiss was deep, his tongue thrusting against hers. Her nipples beaded, her legs trembled. "But will you come back to my room?"

"Yes, Levi," she said.

They made their way together across the snowy courtyard, and slipped through the inn's front door. After the chill of the stables, Petra shivered in relief to be inside. Already, they could hear voices calling to one another from the darkened staff corridors. They crept lightly up the stairs. Petra was half afraid they'd meet an early riser from the Corps looking for the bathroom. Thankfully, no one interrupted them as they made their way to Levi's door. He slid the key into the lock, and opened.

"After you," he murmured. Petra walked into his room, and he shut the door behind them. She heard the lock turn, and smiled.

This was it. Her heart began to pound as she turned to face him. What if…what if he did not like the way she looked? What if she frightened him with her forwardness? Levi seemed to not know what to do either, because he kept his back pressed to the door. In the murky dawn light, they could only barely see one another.

Drawing in a breath, Petra undid her trench coat. She shivered in her thin flannel nightgown as she folded the trench over the side of an armchair. Her boots and socks followed, and she placed them next to the coat. In the dim light, her white gown seemed to glow.

"You look." Levi swallowed; his voice sounded hoarse. He didn't continue.

Petra undid the top buttons. No time to stand on ceremony. She looked in his eyes, and slid the gown from her shoulders, letting it pool around her feet. She stood, utterly naked, before him.

Levi took a loud, shaky breath. Petra slung the nightgown over the chair's arm as well. Already, her naked body rippled with gooseflesh. She flung the blankets aside—the bed was pristine, unslept in. The captain, after all, did not sleep. She got under the covers, and sat up, the sheets tucked around her breasts. She shivered a bit, because the bed was like ice. It needed the warmth of a human body. Bodies, if possible. Levi took a few faltering steps towards her.

"We don't have to do anything," Petra whispered. She felt her cheeks heat up. "All I want is to lie here with you. If that's all you can do, it's more than enough."

"Petra." He reached out and touched her cheek. She kissed his palm, and then he undressed. He took off his coat first, and slung it over the footboard. His boots came next. Then, with a hushed intake of breath, he pulled his shirt up over his head. Petra got to her knees in rapt attention. She could not see him perfectly, but the sculpted definition of his chest, and the detail of his abdominal muscles did not require a hard light to pick out. Levi put that shirt and his trousers on the footboard as well. Then, though he swayed for a moment in doubt, he removed his underwear, and got into bed beside her.

Petra swallowed; her throat was dry. She placed a hand upon his chest, over his thudding heart. She nestled closer to him. Levi kissed her temple, her nose, and then her lips. Each kiss sweetly built upon the one that came before it. They found a rhythm all their own, as perfect as their dancing had been in the stable. He took her into his arms. Their chests were pressed close together, and he moaned at the feel of her breasts.

"It's all right. It's at your pace," she whispered. Then she lay down.

In the beginning, he paid rapturous attention to her breasts. Though he paused to find the bandage at the top of her left breast—Karl's parting gift to her, the bruise and swell of his teethmarks hidden beneath it. She was afraid the sight would put him off, but the captain merely kissed her, and returned to his work. He licked her nipples into firm peaks, bit down upon them, and sucked. She stroked her hands through his hair as he explored her, eyes closed and moaning in delight. It was impossible that anything could feel this good. She was so heavy and slick between her legs that she knew she would have to find release before this was over, even if she had to do it herself. She hoped she wouldn't have to.

Then Levi returned to her mouth, and kissed her with such ferocity that she barely found space to draw breath. He kept her on her back, his left hand cupping her breast. He traced his thumb around and around her nipple while he bit down on her lip. Petra let one hand stroke through his hair, while the other traced its way up and down his arm. It was steely with muscle; she couldn't imagine a harder material on earth. Desperate to feel more of him, Petra groaned and rolled onto her side. She lined her body up with his, slung her leg over his legs and pressed herself along him. His erection pulsed against her groin. Levi made a hushed, choking sound at the feel of her sex flush on his.

"Is it all right?" Petra whispered against his mouth.

"Petra. Will you do something?" he rasped.

"Anything."

"Touch me. Please."

"Where?"

"Everywhere," he groaned.

Petra placed her hand upon his chest again, feeling the quick beat of his heart. Her fingers skimmed along, sliding through the light dusting of hair. She flattened her palm against the other side of his chest, felt his nipple hard and peaked beneath her palm. Levi's head tilted backwards. His eyes were closed, his lips parted. Petra cupped his throat, stroked her thumb along the underside of his chin. She skated her palm along his collarbone, then took a trip along the firm line of his body. As she touched his stomach—the muscles there as solid and impossibly exquisite as the rest of him—she smiled as he gave a faint ghost of a laugh.

"Are you ticklish, sir?"

"I honestly don't know."

The raw honesty with which he said it stole all her humor away. This man…he didn't know what he liked. Being tickled. Being held. Being touched. They were all alien sensations to him. Tears pricked her eyes, but Petra forced them back.

"I'll be gentle," she whispered. He smiled, a flash of teeth.

"Not too gentle, I hope."

"We'll see." Petra continued her exploration along the ridges of his abdominal muscles. She traced her finger along the thin line of dark hair that began at his navel, and ended in the dark thatch on his genitals. Petra took a deep, calming breath as she neared the moment she'd dreamed of since she was a teenage girl. "Yes?" she asked.

"Fuck yes."

She took his cock in her hand, and squeezed gently. He was silk and steel, his length throbbing under her touch. Levi's hips jerked, his entire body practically vibrating.

"No one's ever touched you here?"

"You're the first," he gasped. Petra gave him one, then two good strokes before moving on to cup his balls in her hand. She trailed a thumb along the line of his cock, enjoying the way he shivered in response. Idly, she thought of taking him into her mouth and sucking him to a climax, but she was not sure if that was too far and too fast. She loved being gentle with him; the power that he gave her, and the trust, was intoxicating.

"You're bigger than I thought you'd be," she whispered.

"That's the best news I've had in months."

Petra kissed his cheek, then slid her hand along the bump of his hip. She explored his legs, passing her palms along the sheer perfection of their development. Petra grinned to feel the forest of coarse hair that covered them. There was something so other about a man's body that excited her beyond measure. She moved up the back of him, stopping to grab his ass once more, her fingers teasing the dimples at the end of his spine. He was rock hard in her grip. Levi gave a laugh. It was short, and rather harsh.

"You're a pretty daring little thing, aren't you?" He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then grazed his teeth along her earlobe. Petra gasped; she clenched between her thighs.

"You don't get the things you want by behaving properly," she whispered. She skated her hand up his back, then gripped his shoulder. They kissed. She dug her nails into him, and he hummed in appreciation. Levi's arms wrapped tight around her, and he lined her up flush with his own body. Then, he rolled her over onto her back, and brought the weight of his body down upon her. Petra gasped and arched; his cock brushed against her sex for one instant, and it was like a bolt of lightning going through her brain. She wept with the pleasure. Levi propped himself onto his elbows above her.

"How wet are you?" he marveled.

"I've never been this aroused in my life." She had said this would be at his pace, but she could not help how desperate he'd made her. "Please, Levi."

He ran his hand over the hills of her breasts again, then touched her sternum, her stomach, the hair of her sex, and then…then…

"Oh," she moaned as his hand cupped her. With a grunt, he slid a finger inside of her. It passed in seamlessly. Levi choked on a breath.

"It's. Fuck. You're perfect," he grunted.

Petra began to rock back and forth against his hand. Levi curled his finger inside of her, which made her shiver. Her heart pattered wildly in her chest; she was going to explode if he didn't make her come. Levi tried to accommodate her, pressing his fingers in different places around her cunt.

"I'll show you. Like this." She reached down and grabbed his hand. Taking his fingers, she positioned them right at her clit. "Stroke me there. Yes. Like that. Oh." Petra leaned her head back against the pillows as he began to circle her in precisely the right spot. She began to whimper—she had no shame. "Yes, Levi. Oh, I'm going to— Fuck."

Petra thrust her pelvis against him, stars and supernovas clustering at the edges of her vision. She was about to come. She grew sensitive as anything at that one little spot in the apex of her thighs. Stroke. Stroke. Slick, slick, slick. His fingers made the most delightful noise as he picked up the pace. Levi lay on top of her, his breathing harsh.

"Look at me," he growled. Petra opened her eyes, clawing her fingers into the mattress. He stared down at her, his teeth bared, his eyes as cold as if he were making a kill on the battlefield. She knew him well enough to realize that it was concentration: he was going to bring down his quarry. "Do you like it?"

"Oh, I love it. I love it more than anything." Petra felt she could say any words at this moment. She wondered if this was what losing your mind felt like. "I want to come for you. Ah. Ah!"

"Say my name when you come." He took his fingers away, and grazed a knuckle up and down the sensitive nub of her clit. "Petra. Say it."

"Oh. Levi. Levi! Oh!" The world went away all around her, and Petra jerked, her body shivering through and through as she rode the waves of her orgasm. He crushed her against him as he fell on top of her. Petra's body became limp, the muscles deep inside of her contracting as her pleasure crested and rolled through her. Levi kissed her deeply. She dug her nails into his shoulders, wrapped her legs around him. He grunted as he hoisted himself further up her, his cock bumping right up against her sex. Yes. Yes. "Do you want to?" she asked.

"I want it. I want you." He snarled, kissed her, kissed her between her breasts. "Petra. What do I do?"

She reached down and positioned him at the entrance to her sex. Her legs wrapped tighter, her arms looped about his neck. She kissed him again, humming against his lips.

"All you need to do is push," she whispered.

Levi paused then, gazing down at her. Their hearts beat in frantic unison as he gripped her hands and placed them at either side of her head. His fingers twined with hers. They were now clinging tight to one another.

"Just don't let me go," he said hoarsely.

"I won't. Not ever." And then, summoning all the courage her ecstasy had given her, "I love you."

He moaned, and shivered atop her.

"Oh. Petra. I." He kissed her once more, and then shoved forward. He glided into her body, filling her beautifully. Levi shuddered as he entered her, his hands gripping hers painfully tight. But she didn't let go. She squeezed back as hard as he did. Well, not quite as hard. His hands were stronger, after all.

But she could last longer.

His breath was hot and fast against her neck. Petra lay there, waiting for him to get himself under control. He did after a moment, and kissed her.

"Did you come?" she whispered.

"No. But. I don't know how long I'm gonna last." He winced, and looked away from her. "This may disappoint you."

"Look at me," she murmured. When he caught her gaze, he got to see that tears streaked from her eyes. "This is the happiest I've ever been. This is going to be perfect, because it's you. Don't worry about anything." She cupped the back of his head, his undercut bristling against her palm. She kissed him. "This is all for you, Levi. All of me is for you."

He kissed her tears.

"I have something shitty to tell you," he muttered.

Petra frowned.

"What?" she asked as he loomed overhead, eyes locked with hers.

"I love you," he growled, and thrust inside of her.

So this was what it felt like. Levi had spent time wondering, in the loneliness of his room, his hand running over his cock, how slimy it would be between Petra's thighs. He remembered listening to the sick, sucking noises that came from his mother's bed during her visits with clients. As he'd gotten older, Levi had closed his hands over his ears. That was where the idea was formed that kissing made him want to vomit.

He'd been sure Petra would be sloppy down there, the slime of her body coating him. Pulling him deep inside of her, as if trying to devour him.

She was wet, yes, but warm. He'd never imagined it could be so warm inside of a woman. Soft, too. Her body rippled around his, swaddling him and welcoming him. As he thrust into her for the first time, their bodies made that wet, smacking sound. But it was perfect; nothing had ever felt so right. Levi kissed her, his tongue greedily stroking against hers.

He propped himself up again, and looked at her face. Petra's cheeks were flushed, lines of spent tears still glistening from the corners of her eyes. Her lips, swollen with their passion, were parted. Her breasts, white and rose as he'd always envisioned them, heaved and fell beneath him. The wooly flame of her sex tickled his skin where they were joined.

He had always envisioned her as a celestial being, some goddess framed in colored glass in a church window. Untouched by man, unsoiled by the world. When he'd imagined fucking her, his goddess had transformed into a wanton temptress. Her gleaming eyes had become half-lidded, and she had licked her lips in stark lust.

But here she was, his angel, his goddess, with her innocent smile and eyes—and she had not been a virgin for him. But she was no less pure and perfect than he had ever pictured her. He sank into her again with silken ease, a shuddered breath escaping him as he felt her tighten around his cock. Petra was not a goddess or a demon, but a woman.

A woman who, for some damn reason, loved him.

"Oh. Levi," she murmured.

Their fingers entwined further. He eased backwards, pulled out of her a bit.

"Hold on," he grunted. He thrust again, filling her to the hilt. Petra arched her back, gasping with pleasure. Levi didn't quite know how hard or fast he should go, so he began to rock back and forth at an unsteady pace. Petra's legs tightened around his body, and she encouraged him.

"Faster. There. Mmm, yes. Good. So good. Oh!"

He began to thrust in perfect time, his teeth clenched, breath hissing out as he fucked. Sometimes he leaned down and kissed her, tasted the sweetness of her lips. For the most part, he relished the way her silken thighs tightened around him. He watched as her brow furrowed, as her mouth formed a perfect little O. The bed groaned beneath them, the springs squealing as he thrust. Again. Again. Again.

And amid the greatest happiness he'd ever known came the greatest fear alongside it, the dark shadow of euphoria.

He had taken this girl into his bed, his heart. She could hurt him now, whether she left him or died on his watch. He had suffered so much loss and parting; how could he find a way forward if he lost this, too? The thought was almost enough to make him soft. Petra seemed to sense it, because she squirmed underneath him.

"Levi? What's wrong?"

"I can't lose you." He paused, feeling drops of sweat sting his eyes. He shook his head. "I can't trust that I won't."

Petra kissed his forehead, and then cupped his cheeks in her hands. She wedded her gaze with his. Her own wide, beautiful, amber-colored eyes seemed to spark in the early morning light.

"I won't ever leave you without a hell of a fight first," she said. She pressed her thumb to his lips.

"Good. You fight harder than almost anyone I've ever met." He smiled quickly. "Damn brat."

She pulled him down onto her body, clung to him. They kissed for several minutes, until he grew hard again. This time, he did not stop. He thrust into her, and she swiveled her own hips to push against him. Levi groaned.

"Fuck, that's good. Keep doing it. Oh." The bed began to wail beneath them, and whoever was murmuring in the hall right now, padding to the bathrooms, had to hear them. But so what? Let the world know. This woman was his. His. Levi got on his elbows again, his hips pistoning faster. Petra's breasts quivered with the violence of his thrusts. She tilted her chin back, gripping the pillow behind her head. She thrust against him, the wet sounds of their joining so audacious and erotic that Levi could feel his end rushing towards him. "I'm going to come," he choked out.

"In me. Please," she moaned, digging her nails in furrows down his arms. Petra's lips parted, and she gave a breathy sigh. "You're amazing."

"Petra." His hips began to move faster than he could control them. Her pussy clenched tight around him as the world expanded in white hot light, and he came deep inside of her. "Ah! Fuck!"

He rode through his climax inside of her body, and finally came to a rest on top of her. His cock began to soften, but he loved the warm, snug feel of her. When he tried to pull out, she kept her legs locked tight around his waist. Petra embraced him, kissed him.

"Please, not yet. Stay inside for a bit."

"All right." Levi lay on top of her, and felt the reassuring thud of her heart as it began to slow down. The dawn had crept through his window, and a few stripes of golden light stretched over them. The morning sun streaked across Petra's face, turning her peach and cream and fire. The sun had fully risen; the long, dark night had ended. He kissed her, savored the feel of her. Petra hummed in her throat, and kissed his cheek, his nose, his forehead. She traced the outline of his face with her lips.

"I don't ever want to forget this moment," she breathed. Levi kissed the hollow of her throat.

"Hope that…made up for the rest of an otherwise shit night," he muttered at last. Petra burst out laughing, giggling as he cursed and slapped a hand over her mouth. "People are gonna wonder who the fuck's in here," he growled. There were things he wanted to ask her; did she want to tell Erwin before they rode for home, or did she want to wait until they were back at the barracks. What would she do if she had to be reassigned? Whose squad would she pick?

But those thoughts seemed so minor right now compared to this. Levi looked into her eyes, and smiled.

She had all of her make up off, and she'd come to him in a white flannel gown and a military trench coat. But she'd looked as beautiful to him then as when she'd been dressed up in that green puff of a dress. She was pure and sexual at the same time. It was as if they'd left the insanity of Morgenstern's mansion, with the debauchery, the loveless fucking, the exchange of favors and bodies, and come here to sex that was almost holy.

He had not dirtied Petra. She had cleansed him.

"Levi?" She smiled that coy little smile she gave when she was trying to get away with something. "Happy birthday," she whispered.

His eyebrows lifted.

"Mmm?"

"I know that you probably didn't want to tell us or anything, but… I saw the document with your birth information in the Commander's office once. I couldn't help myself." She kissed him. "Today is December 25th. So. Happy birthday, Levi."

He covered her body with his, and let her feel his smile against her cheek.

"Thank you, Petra. Thank you."

The End