"Now, every time I witness a strong person, I want to know: What darkness did you conquer in your story?

Mountains do not rise without earthquakes."

- Katherine McKennitt -

In Another Life

It wasn't just the conscious part of my mind that wrestled with the endless amounts of questions I had about Carlisle; my subconscious was more than aware of my state of confusion. As time passed, I began to sleep restlessly and have strange dreams. Then, one night, I had a particularly bad one…

I had my hands full of silver wedding rings, and I tried to walk across the room without dropping them, thinking that, if I managed to put them back into the bedside drawer, everything would be fine again. But then, I dropped one of the rings, and then, I dropped the second one, and the third one, and the fourth...and as they hit the floor, the sound echoed from the walls like a thousand chimes. The rest of the rings jumped from my hands, like they suddenly had a mind of their own, and they fell to the floor at the same time as someone stepped into the room. I knew it was too late, then; that I could no longer hide.

"Where did you find those?" I heard Carlisle ask. I turned to face him, looking at him sadly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked him. "I would've understood. Why didn't you tell me?"

His blue eyes begged me to understand. "I wanted to," he answered. "Bella, I swear. I wanted to."

"Then, why didn't you?"

He closed his eyes, looking like he was in physical pain. "I couldn't." His voice was frail and beaten. If his eyes had begged for my understanding, his voice begged for my forgiveness. "You don't know what it's like, waking up every morning...knowing nothing will be the same. Knowing there's no liberation from this feeling. Knowing I can't make you happy."

"I wanted to understand you," I answered, wanting him to know how much it hurt me that he had refused to let me in. "You could've said something. I was there, and I waited. But I can't wait forever. I won't. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I'm sorry." His voice was shaky, his blue eyes dark and tormented.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, and when I opened them, someone else was standing in Carlisle's place. A small girl with cornflower blue eyes and raven-black, unruly hair. There was something familiar about her, but before I could recall where I'd seen her, she was gone. Carlisle was back again, but he was walking towards the doorway now, his head lowered in guilt.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked again. I needed an answer. I couldn't let him go, not now. Not before he had answered. "Carlisle, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Bella," he answered, but he didn't turn around to face me.

"Why didn't you tell me? I wanted to know, and you didn't tell me!"

"Bella," he said again, but when I looked, I realized he was no longer there. "Bella... Bella... Bella..."

"Bella!"

I startled awake so violently, my heart skipped a few beats. Carlisle was leaning over me; I idly took notice that he was half-dressed. I sucked in a few steadying breaths and closed my eyes, still stuck in the strange dream.

"What were you dreaming about?" he asked quietly. "Were you having a nightmare?" I opened my eyes; he was frowning down at me, his eyes concerned.

"I…I can't remember," I lied quickly, not even knowing why.

"You kept asking, 'Why didn't you tell me?' Does that mean anything to you?"

I sat up slowly, glancing at the clock; it was six thirty. "I…uh...I don't know. I think Rosalie was in my dream, or Emmett. Or both. Maybe I was arguing with them about something." I didn't know why I couldn't tell him the truth. That he was the one who'd been in my dream.

Carlisle sat down on the edge of the bed, smoothing my messy hair away from my forehead. He was silent for a beat and just watched me. "You said my name," he murmured after a moment, his eyes gauging me carefully.

I raised my eyebrows, hoping I looked confused. "I did?"

"Yes. Repeatedly."

I gave him a smile, reaching out to fasten the upper buttons of his shirt and then fixing up the knot of his tie. "Well, if I said your name repeatedly, maybe it was an erotic dream." I wiggled my eyebrows at him playfully, drawing a soft chuckle from him.

"Well, if that's the case, why did you keep asking me about something I hadn't told you?"

I shrugged. "Beats me. My dreams never make sense, anyway. Do yours?"

His small smile fell, and it was a moment before he answered. "My dreams make too much sense." He leaned in to place a soft kiss on my cheek, and then he got up. "Do you have a late shift?"

I nodded, observing him carefully and wondering what his words had meant. "Yeah."

"Would you like to come over after you get off, and spend the night at my house for a change?"

"Sure."

He smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "I should get going, but you don't have to get up just yet. Try to get some more sleep."

I lay back down and gave him a languid look. "You know, I might do just that. Thank God I'm not a college professor, and I get to loiter in bed every now and then."

He chuckled, sitting back down and brushing my cheek with his lips. And like many times before, I tried to avoid his lips, as they eventually sought mine, too conscious of the fact that I hadn't freshened up yet. And like many times before, he wouldn't let up, until he'd managed to kiss me.

"Sweet dreams, Bella," he murmured, his nose brushing mine. "And by all means, have some erotic dreams about me, dreams where you call out my name repeatedly. I won't mind at all."

"I have nothing against those kinds of dreams," I told him and grabbed his tie, making him chuckle. "But you know, I'd also like to call out your name repeatedly in waking life as well. How does that sound?"

"Mmm." His nose was now drawing a line along my neck. "That sounds...very nice." He peeled back the covers from my chest, his hand slipping under my camisole. My body began to tingle all over as I felt his lips on my pulse point, and a shudder traveled through me as he rubbed a thumb over my nipple.

"Don't go to work," I managed to pant out. "Stay here with me." I held on to his tie with one hand, while the other stroked his thigh. "Your students will understand. They're old enough to learn there are all sorts of...priorities in life."

"And...let me guess. This is one of those priorities?"

"Uh huh."

He moaned against my neck as my hand traveled up his thigh, and my fingers went to the buckle of his belt. "Oh, Bella, you drive me out of my mind."

"In a bad way?" I asked, at the same time running the tips of my fingers over the growing bulge in his crotch. He breathed out loudly and dropped his forehead to my shoulder.

"Christ... You know, I find it very hard to answer your questions when you do that." He pulled back and grabbed my wrist, putting a stop to my intimate caress. "I have things to take care of before my class, you little minx. I have a stack of essays waiting to be read over, and I'm kind of running out of time."

"Do it later."

He chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss on my jaw. "You know, I was supposed to take care of that yesterday, but you distracted me."

"I did?" I asked innocently, blinking slowly. "How?"

"How? Well, since you're asking..." He trailed off and withdrew his hand from under my camisole, and I almost growled at the loss of contact. But then, his skilled fingers slipped under the elastic band of my underwear, sliding gently along my wet folds. My eyes slammed shut, and I threw my head to the side.

"Carlisle..." His name came out as a needy sigh. I trembled under his warm touch, biting my lip, as his finger found the swollen nub at the apex of my thighs. He circled it gently, barely grazing it, and the lightness of his touch made the sensation even more intense. "I don't...get it," I managed to pant out. "Why would you say that I – oh – that I distracted you yesterday? I haven't done...anything...wrong. Maybe you're just..." My eyes rolled back in my head, as he stroked the small bundle of nerves more firmly. "Maybe...you're just sensitive to...to influences of the...environment."

"Oh?" He kissed the sensitive spot beneath my ear, before sucking my earlobe into his mouth. "So, it's me who's to blame here? I'm the weak one who can't get enough of touching this beautiful, tight body of yours?" His finger abandoned the sensitive nub and dipped lower, lightly tracing over my entrance. My thighs began to tremble. I actually felt like I was throbbing all over.

"That's right," I managed to answer. "You're just...insatiable. I'm the normal one. Actually, I think...oh, my god...I think your presence is turning me into an asexual."

I heard him chuckle darkly. "Is that so? Well, in that case..." His skilled touch left my center, and I tore my eyes open as he withdrew his hand. He just smiled at me amiably, as he got up from the edge of the bed, quickly buckling his belt I'd managed to undo before he had stopped me.

I sat up and stared at him as he grabbed his keys from the dresser and flashed me another brilliant smile.

"Hey!" I grumbled. "That's just mean. No, that's worse than mean. That's cruel. Why would you want to be cruel?"

"I'm not being cruel," he answered, his voice innocent and smooth. "But I am going to be late if I don't leave now. Like I tried to explain to you a moment ago, you always keep distracting me and make me forget things."

"But you can't leave me like this."

"Yes, I can. This way, I can make sure I'm all you can think about for the next couple of hours."

"I already think about you all the time." It seemed the pleasure hormones were running my lips, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from blurting out anything else. Carlisle just smiled and watched me for a while. I couldn't quite read the look in his eyes.

"If that's so," he murmured softly, "then I'm very pleased."

Okay. What does that mean?

After collecting his wallet and phone from the dresser, he made his way to the door. Before leaving, he turned to me one more time, still smiling innocently. "I'll see you in the evening, Bella."

"And when you do, I'll pay you back for this. I guarantee you that."

He chuckled in a low tone. "I can't wait."

I rolled my eyes at his expression and slumped against the pillows as he left. I was still tingling all over, and my heart was pounding in my chest after his ministrations. I was more than tempted to finish what he'd started all by myself, but it wouldn't have been the same. I wanted it to be his hands touching my skin, his voice moaning my name, his body driving me towards release...

Okay. I definitely needed a cold shower.

Keeping myself distracted as the day dragged on was easier said than done. I took care of some things I'd been neglecting for the past week; I paid the bills, cleaned the apartment and did the laundry, managing to get everything done by the time I had to leave for my shift at the café. But as the hours passed, something kept bugging me, like I'd forgotten something important. It took me a while to realize what it was.

The dream. Usually, I forgot my dreams as soon as I woke up, but there had been something strange about my most recent dream. I could still recall some of the details; I remembered my hands had been full of wedding rings, and then, Carlisle had stepped into the room. I remembered how upset I'd felt, as I had demanded why he hadn't told me about something, and I remembered the tortured, stricken look on his face.

I didn't know why the dream kept bugging me so much. I considered mentioning it to Carlisle later, but I knew he'd probably want to know more about it if I brought it up. And I obviously didn't want to tell him I'd dreamed about having my hands full of wedding rings.

There was something else about the dream that bothered me as well, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't remember what it was. I had a feeling it was something important, and that obviously frustrated me even more. I kept racking my brain, trying to recall more details, but my efforts were in vain.

By the time my shift was over, and I had gotten into my truck, I'd pretty much forgotten about the whole thing. Even though it was getting late, I stopped by my apartment to have a quick bite to eat. I also picked up some clothes, and after that, I drove the short distance to Carlisle's house.

As I turned onto his street and neared his house, I noticed there was a fancy silver BMW parked behind Carlisle's car. I considered it for a moment, wondering what to do. This morning, Carlisle hadn't said anything about expecting guests. Maybe someone had dropped by unannounced.

As soon as I'd finished the thought, something occurred to me. What if it was...her?

A little over two weeks had passed, since I'd seen Carlisle in front of the diner with that woman. Aside from our discussion the following morning, neither of us had brought it up again. There had been times during the past days when I was burning with curiosity, and I'd just wanted to ask more about her, wanting to know if he'd been married to her or not. I didn't know why it kept bothering me so much. I guess it just would have been nice to get an answer to at least one simple question. Maybe if the ring in his bedside drawer received an explanation, I'd stop having those restless dreams.

I glanced toward the house again, wondering what to do. If it was her car that was in Carlisle's driveway...if she was visiting him...was I ready to face her just yet? And was Carlisle even willing to introduce me to her? And even if he was, a large part of me found the whole idea kind of strange and awkward.

I considered driving past his house and coming back later – maybe she wasn't planning on staying long. But then, I realized I couldn't exactly do that without losing face – most likely, they'd already heard the loud rumble of my truck. You had to be deaf not to hear it, after all. I didn't want Carlisle – or her – to think I was afraid of her or something. And besides, I had every right to be here. Carlisle was expecting me. He would have called to inform me of a change of plans if something had come up and to let me know he didn't want me to come over.

After parking the truck in front of his house, I gave myself a quiet pep talk. Then, I grabbed my bag and got out, taking a few deep breaths, as I walked across the illuminated yard to the front door. I was pleased when my hand didn't tremble, as I reached out to ring the doorbell.

I felt like my heart was in my throat as I heard quiet steps on the other side, and then the door opened to reveal a tall and slender man with artfully swept-back bronze hair. The man was very handsome; I estimated he was maybe at least ten years older than me, but something about his face was very youthful, very...boyish. There was something very familiar about him, about his high cheekbones, about the shape of his eyes and mouth.

He looked at me slowly from head to toe, and a barely visible grin pulled at his lips. It was the smallest smile I'd ever seen. I suddenly had a feeling he was laughing at me on the inside.

I was taken aback, obviously. "Uh...hi. Is Carlisle here?"

He blinked slowly; I noticed his eyes were very green. Insanely green. Actually, I'd never seen anyone with eyes so green. "Excuse me?" he asked. His voice was confused, but incredibly pleasant and smooth. "Carlisle who?"

It was my turn to blink in confusion. "Uh...Carlisle Cullen?"

The man frowned. "I'm sorry. You must be mistaken. No one with that name lives here."

I stared at the man. Then, I turned to look behind me slowly, my eyes finding the familiar black SUV parked in front of the house. This indeed was Carlisle's house. I was relived; for a moment, I thought I'd knocked on the wrong door. That would have been embarrassing. But then, confusion pushed its way into my mind again, and I turned back to face the bronze-haired man.

He was still looking at me, a confused frown on his face. "I'm sorry," he said again. "Maybe you got the address wrong? I don't know what else to say. No Carlisle Cullen lives here."

I didn't know why, but I was getting kind of irritated; that sometimes happened when I was very confused. "Well, he lived here last week," I told the man, trying to keep my tone polite. I didn't know if I was successful or not.

He shook his head, looking like he didn't know what to tell me. "I'm very sorry. I wish I could explain it otherwise, but I really think you've got the wrong house. I don't know any Carlisle Cullen. Maybe you should try next door?"

"Edward! I told you not to be an ass!"

Carlisle's familiar voice sounded from somewhere in the house, and after a second, I heard hurried footsteps. Relief washed over me, as Carlisle appeared in the doorway, gently but firmly nudging the bronze-haired man – Edward was his name, I now assumed – out of the way. "Bella, please, ignore him and come in." He shot the man a sharp look and took my hand, pulling me inside.

Carlisle's strange guest closed the door behind me, now flashing me a wide smile and laughing softly. I gave Carlisle a look, still wondering what the hell was going on.

"I'm sorry about that," Carlisle sighed, giving a disapproving glance at the grinning man. "Like I said, Bella, please, do your best to ignore him. I do. That's how I've survived so long."

"So, this is Bella," the man said, once again looking at me from head to toe. The mischievous grin on his lips... Where had I seen that grin before?

"Edward, please," Carlisle sighed.

"What, you're not gonna introduce us? How rude of you."

Carlisle wrapped an arm around my shoulders, once again sighing quietly. "Bella, meet my brother, Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Isabella Swan."

Edward reached out to shake my hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Isabella."

"Edward," Carlisle said again, a note of warning in his tone.

"What? I'm just trying to be friendly," Edward pretended to be offended.

"Like you were trying to be friendly to her a minute ago? By not even letting her into the house? Didn't I manage to teach you any manners when we were growing up?"

"I just wanted to see what happens when she's faced with an unexpected situation, and I also needed to know if she gets confused easily. If she's going to have any chances with you, she'll need survival skills. You pass, by the way," Edward winked at me, and I raised my eyebrows, still not sure what to make of him. What to make of this whole situation.

First of all, Carlisle had a brother? Needless to say, he'd never mentioned that before.

Carlisle ran a weary hand over his face. "You know, Edward, I told you that if you harass Bella, I'll tell Irina. And you know me. I'll make good on that threat."

"Hey! Don't drag my wife into this."

"Well, it's up to you whether I have to involve her or not. So, be mature and behave yourself. I don't understand how you haven't gotten yourself fired yet. In all honesty, one would expect better behaviour from a lawyer. I'm kind of wondering why people aren't suing you all the time."

"Hey, I'm good at what I do. But I like to keep my work and personal life separate. And the reason why I haven't been fired is because," Edward gave a laugh, "well, I'm not obviously like this at work. I know how to stay serious when I have to. But you see, this is where you come in. I get to unleash my inappropriate, pent-up energy on you, whenever I need to vent." He gave me a glance, flashing me another brilliant grin. "And now on you as well, of course. So, Bella, how long have you been my brother's girlfriend?"

His voice was a little taunting, and he flicked Carlisle a teasing glance. Something told me he'd asked that just out of spite, and I figured there had been a conversation about me before I'd arrived.

Carlisle glanced at the watch around his wrist. "Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"Nope. You're the old one here. I think this is nice, by the way. You and her." Edward smiled at me and leaned forward slightly, winking at me again and whispering loudly, "He needs someone to keep him young."

"Edward–" Carlisle's words were cut off, as his phone began to ring. He dug it from his pocket and checked the screen, and then he smiled sweetly and flashed the phone at Edward. "And that's Irina. You were supposed to be home at nine."

"Whoops. Hey, wait – why is she calling you?"

"Because your phone is at your house, or in your office, or in your car, or God knows where. That's why she's calling me, Edward. Because she can actually reach me." Carlisle touched the screen and held the phone to his ear, answering it. "He's on his way," he sighed, shooting Edward a look. "I know. Don't worry about it. Goodnight." He lowered the phone and raised an eyebrow at Edward.

Edward held up his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, I'm going. Have a pleasant night, lovebirds. I'll see you around, Bella." After blowing me a kiss, he opened the door and slipped out. I glanced out the small window by the door and watched him as walked – no, skipped – toward the silver BMW.

"See ya," I murmured. Then, I turned to look at Carlisle. "You know, he's kind of funny, but also irritating. I'm not sure yet if I like him or not. No offense."

He chuckled and shook his head. "None taken. That's pretty much how everyone feels about him. Most of the time, I'm kind of torn between wanting to lock him in an empty white padded room and flushing his head in the toilet. Both choices seem very tempting, and I find it too hard to decide which to pick."

I laughed softly, giving him a curious look. "You never told me you had a brother."

"I suppose I didn't. But I kind of hope you understand why I didn't, after witnessing his lovely behaviour just now," he chuckled again, smiling.

I could see that, even though his brother clearly annoyed him, he also cared about him a lot. "I assume he's a younger brother?" I asked.

"What gave you that idea?" he asked in a dry manner.

I grinned. "Your bickering, for one. How much younger is he?"

"Not much. Just two years, believe it or not." He shook his head in a disapproving manner, but after a moment, he gave me a soft smile. "To be fair, he's not always like that. He has a deep side to him as well," he admitted. "And he's normally very good with people."

I smiled. "Does he live in Seattle?"

Carlisle nodded. "On the other side of the city, though. He's married, like you probably gathered from our conversation."

"That's nice. Do they have children?"

Something shifted in his eyes. "Two. A boy and...a little girl." He reached for the bag in my hand. "Here, let me take that."

"Thanks." I gave him the bag and shrugged off my coat, and Carlisle reached out to take that as well, hanging it in the closet.

"How old are they?" I asked Carlisle. "Edward's children?"

"Seth is nine. Elizabeth turns five in a few weeks."

"Do you see them often?"

"Every now and then." Carlisle smiled softly; his eyes were warm, full of affection. It was easy to see he cared about Edward's children very much. "Seth looks a lot like Edward, but he has Irina's blonde hair."

"And Elizabeth?"

He gave a soft chuckle. "She has a lot of Edward in her, but Irina...she always says she looks like me. It's the eye color, I think."

"She has your eyes?"

He nodded, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and beginning to lead me along the hallway. He asked me if I was hungry, and I told him I'd had a quick snack, when I'd picked up some clothes from my apartment.

"How was your shift?" he asked conversationally as we moved to the living room. He left my bag on one of the chairs and took my hand, pulling me toward the couch. "Busy?"

"Quieter than normal, actually," I answered, as we sat down. "Rosalie stopped by with Emmett, though."

"Oh? How's engaged life treating them?"

I smiled. "Fine, I guess. They still haven't talked much about the wedding. Rosalie's crazy busy with the salon, and Emmett's swamped with his own job. I don't think they're in a terrible hurry to get married. All that matters to them is that it'll happen one day."

Carlisle wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer to his side. I felt the tip of his nose graze my temple. He drew in a cautious breath, hesitating. "What about you?" he asked quietly. "Do you ever dream of those things? A marriage? Having a family?"

His question surprised me a little, making me feel a bit off-balance. "You asked me something similar once," I murmured, "Soon after we'd met."

"I know. And you answered that you've lately felt a little lost...and that you're not exactly sure what you want out of life."

I pulled back slightly, so I could see his face, giving him a long look.

"What?" he asked, giving a soft laugh.

I shook my head. "Nothing. It's just...I said that weeks ago, and I suppose I didn't expect you to remember something like that. You really listen to the things I say, don't you?"

He chuckled. "I do try. Isn't that what some women complain about? That men don't listen to what they have to say?"

"Yeah, I guess. Something like that." I leaned my head against his shoulder. "Why are you asking about this again? About my possible future dreams?"

He was silent for a beat. "I don't know, exactly. I guess I was just...curious."

"Well, when it comes marriage, I used to have this really black-and-white attitude towards it. I was a child of divorce, so that probably had an impact on it. When I was a teenager, I thought marriage in general had little meaning. I thought it was just a piece of paper, this very fragile thing, that could be torn apart at any time. Even though I had a good childhood, and even though I had both parents in my life, despite the fact that they weren't together, those thoughts stayed with me for a long time."

"Then, what changed? If you used to think marriage has little meaning, what happened to make you change your mind about it?"

I shrugged. "I just began to view it differently, I guess. I came to realize how important it was to some people, and I acknowledged that there has to be a reason for it. And then, my mom remarried when I was in high school, and I saw how happy it made her." I paused, breathing in deeply and closing my eyes. "Maybe marriage is just a piece of paper to some people. Maybe it is a fragile thing that can be torn apart at any moment, but maybe it's worth the risk as well."

"Maybe." Carlisle's voice pensive. "Many things in this world, especially the most important ones, are very fragile. You can't really escape that fact. Maybe it's just something one must accept."

"How about you, then?" I asked quietly. "I mean, I know what your stance towards relationships is. You once told me you feel like you have your hands full with yourself, that things like having a family are something you haven't been able to consider for years. I know that's why you're not...capable...of considering anything long-term. But what do you think about these things in general? If things were different with you, what would you want?" I held my breath, wondering if I was crossing some invisible line. "Under different circumstances, in another life...what would you want? What would you dream about?"

His arm tightened around me, and he was silent for so long I was almost sure he wouldn't answer. But then, he spoke. His voice was quiet and reflective and...just very sad.

"Well, I consider myself an old-fashioned, traditional man. I think...I think marriage and stability are very important, meaningful things, things one shouldn't take for granted. And in another life...in another reality, where I'm not a prisoner of my own mind and fears...the thought of getting to share my life with someone is something I'd value more than anything. I'd hold it in the highest regard."

I wanted to take his hand; he sounded so...desolate. But I was worried a physical touch would make him withdraw into himself, that he'd stop speaking. Sometimes, I felt as if he was like a wounded animal, constantly ready to flee.

"But not in this life?" I asked quietly.

I more felt than saw him shake his head; his chin touched my temple, and then, it settled on top of my head. "No, Bella. Not in this life."

"Then, what is it you fear the most?" I asked carefully. He tensed, barely noticeably, and that was when I took the risk and clasped his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to go into details," I murmured. "You don't have to answer at all if you don't feel like it. I don't mean to be...well, nosy."

"It's alright," he answered, sighing. "And it's not that you don't deserve answers. You do, Bella. You've been more patient with me than I expected." I could feel his warm breath in my hair, as he sighed again, very quietly. His arm tightened around me again. "I fear...I fear failure. I fear I'll...that I'll end up caring too much, that I'll receive something significant…that I'll be given a precious gift, something important and life-changing...and I fear I'll begin to take its existence for granted. I fear that, once again, I'll be too late, that I'll fail, that I'm not...capable enough...and I'll lose everything because of that."

There was a long moment of silence after he stopped talking. I wanted to say something to him, wanted to ask him why he felt as though he had failed at something. And what did he mean, when he said he feared he would be too late? That he wasn't capable enough? I remembered the broken look in his eyes, when he'd gazed at the caramel-haired woman in front of the diner all those days ago. When I thought about all those things he'd said about failure, about not being capable enough...was he talking about her?

"You can't imagine facing those fears?" I asked quietly. "You don't think facing them is worth the risk?"

"No...not exactly. Maybe…maybe it is worth the risk. But is it worth the pain? I'm not ready to believe it is." I felt him shift, and he pulled back slightly to look at me. He lifted a hand and stroked my cheek. "I hope...I hope you never have to think these thoughts. I hope you never have to feel what I feel. That's…that's one reason why I find your company so soothing. Bella, you're so whole and unbroken, so free of any sadness."

He traced the long scar on the inside of my arm with his thumb, the touch very light and tender. "I know you've had your own heartaches and trials. But you haven't let them bring you down. You haven't let the world and its sorrows corrupt you. You've held your head above the water, despite the things that have happened to you. You're like this empty, white canvas, pure and clean and comforting...and I find it all very soothing. I hope you stay this way. I hope nothing ever shadows your spirit and makes your life darker. I hope nothing ever taints that canvas."

I lifted my hand and traced my thumb over his bottom lip. "Sometimes, those things aren't in our hands."

He gave me a sad smile. "I know."

"And I know you know. I know you know it better than I do." I shifted and leaned closer to him, brushing my nose with his. "So, you find my company soothing?"

"Yes."

"Just like you find night walks soothing?"

He hesitated. "Not exactly. My night walks...they're always more or less lonely. How can they not be? After all, the world is sleeping, and you're not." He pressed a soft kiss on my lips. "You're not like a lonely night walk, Bella. Quite the opposite. You're like the sunrise each morning. Reliable and reassuring. You bring warmth with you wherever you go, and somehow, you make it easier for me to breathe."

That was probably the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to me. I just smiled and leaned closer to kiss him softly. "I make you feel better, then? Warmer?"

His nose nuzzled mine. "Yes. You do."

"Okay. I'm glad." I kissed him again, inching closer to him. "How much better?" I murmured against his lips. "How much warmer?"

I felt him smile, and then his hands were on my hips, trying to pull me even closer. It was kind of hard because of my position, so I lifted my legs onto the couch, turning to face him and straddling him. Carlisle took my hand and pressed it against his neck; I could feel the rapid beat of his pulse against my palm.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked, his eyes taking on a darker shade of blue. I'd always thought blue was a cool color, but he proved that belief wrong. There was just smoldering heat in his eyes, as he looked back at me.

I leaned in to kiss him again, tenderly and slowly. His hold on my hips tightened, and I pressed myself against him, giving him the connection I knew he craved. The connection we both craved. A quiet, soft moan welled up in his throat, as I moved down to kiss his neck.

My fingers went to work on his tie and the buttons of his shirt. Impatiently, I pushed the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. Needing more room for my hands, I slid onto the floor in front of him, and as my hands found the buckle of his belt, Carlisle's breathing was forcibly slow and calm, like his lungs wanted to gasp for air, but his mind wanted to stay in control.

I gave him a sly smile, as I unbuckled his belt and unzipped the fly of his pants. There was no trace of a smile on his lips; his eyes were intent on me, watching my every movement carefully, as if that alone gave him great pleasure. He lifted his hips, as I pulled his pants and socks off, leaving his boxers on. Then, I got up slowly, releasing my hair from its ponytail and running my fingers through it.

Carlisle's eyes seemed to turn another shade darker.

I kept a mask of calm on my face, but on the inside, I was smirking widely; even those small reactions made shivers run up my spine and delicious warmth gather in the pit of my stomach. Very aware of his heated gaze, I grabbed the hem of my sweater and slowly lifted it up and over my head. When I did that, he closed his eyes momentarily and bit his bottom lip, but it wasn't long before he opened his eyes again; it was as if he couldn't bear to look away from me too long.

Once again, it took all I had not to grin, especially when I thought about what I was going to do next. Knowing the best was yet to come, I dropped the sweater and reached behind me to undo the clasp of my bra. Letting the straps fall down my arms, I held Carlisle's gaze, a little surprised his eyes were still holding mine, instead of stealing glances at my bare chest. The man could focus; I had to give him credit for that.

Well, that was about to change.

I let my bra fall to the floor, nudging it aside with my foot. Carlisle's breathing was coming heavily now, and as I took one step closer, then another one, his hands were reaching for me. As soon as I was close enough, he gripped my hips and pulled me down onto his lap. He slipped his hands into the back pockets of my jeans, pulling me against him. A strangled sigh left my chest, as his mouth found the valley between my breasts and soon worked its way to tease my nipples. As his tongue swirled around one hardened peak, sending white-hot heat all the way to my toes, I had to force myself to focus, reminding myself there was something I needed to do.

It was payback time.

Diving my fingers into his golden hair, I gently yanked his head back, so I could kiss him deeper. As my lips assaulted his, I shifted to give myself more room and slid my other hand down his body. I trailed my fingers down his sculpted chest and past his abs, until I ran out of bare skin.

A quiet groan rumbled from his chest, as I slipped my hand under the elastic band of his boxers and gently wrapped my fingers around his arousal. I stroked the length of him slowly but firmly, and he moaned into my mouth, his hands tightening on my hips. As I felt him throb against my palm, I gave him a gentle squeeze.

"Bella..." His mouth tore away from my lips, his forehead pressing against mine. I felt his heavy and rapid breaths on my face, and encouraged by his reaction, I moved my hand up his hardness, making a loose fist and stroking the swollen head.

Carlisle's head dropped onto my shoulder. Quiet moans and grunts began to pour from his lips, some of them sounding something like my name. I could feel the tension growing in his body, as I continued my tender exploration. As I felt a bead of moisture appear at the tip, I ran my thumb across it. He hissed loudly and bucked into my hand. The weight of his head disappeared from my shoulder, and then he claimed my lips with his own. His kiss was urgent and demanding, fraught with desperation. His fingers began to work on my jeans, and I was pleased to notice his movements were uncoordinated and shaky. I stroked him more firmly, effectively making him lose focus. As he tried to work down the zipper of my jeans, I grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"God, Bella...please...let me touch you," Carlisle moaned against my mouth. "I need to touch you...let me feel you..."

"No," I answered, giving his hard length another firm pull. Something between a sigh and a moan left his lips, but I couldn't tell if it was a reaction to my caress or my refusal to let him touch me.

"Why not? Please, Bella...you're killing me..."

"Sorry," I whispered, nibbling at his earlobe. "I'm just trying to be fair here. Just giving you what you deserve." After paying some more gentle attention to the sensitive head of his arousal, I pulled my hand away. It was the first time ever I heard him whimper, and I smiled sweetly at him, pushing away from his tension-filled body and sliding onto the floor in front of him again. I pulled down the elastic of his boxers to expose him, running my fingers down his sides and stomach, before leaning closer and tasting him. He tensed and sucked in a sharp breath; it seemed as if he was doing all he could to keep his hips still.

"Bella..." His fingers went into my hair, gently combing through it. The touch was shaky; I could feel the tremble of his fingers against my scalp, as I added more pressure, swirling my tongue around the swollen head. He hissed loudly, and his hips made a small, involuntary thrust as a response. Humming quietly, I glanced up at him, my tongue still teasing the sensitive ridge beneath the tip of his arousal. Carlisle's eyes were squeezed closed, and his mouth was slightly open. His eyebrows were pulled together, as if he was in agony. The way he began to tremble, and the way his chest began to heave, told me it was very sweet agony.

When my hand joined my mouth, he began to lose the battle to keep himself still.

"Bella," he moaned. "Bella...my God, you're killing me...I can't hold..." He drew in a sharp breath, as I suckled him more firmly, catching the bead of fluid gathering at the tip with my tongue. His breath rushed out of his mouth in a desperate moan, and then I released him, biting my lip to keep from grinning, as I saw how breathlessly close he was. Carlisle opened his eyes, as I reached out to pull the elastic band of his boxers back up, covering him.

I stood up slowly. Then, I took two steps back and fanned my hair over my breasts, hiding them from his sight.

"Well," I said offhandedly, "I think I'm going to bed now. It's getting late, and I had a really long day. I'm very, very tired."

Carlisle stared at me incredulously. His expression was priceless.

I shrugged. "Blame yourself. Did you think I forgot what you did this morning? How you left me feeling frustrated and unsatisfied? I had to take a cold shower, you know, to keep myself from finishing what you started." I gave him another innocent smile, but otherwise, I managed to compose my expression. "Goodnight, Carlisle."

I turned around, making sure to swing my hips a little more than usual, as I walked toward the living room door. When I heard him get up from the couch and follow me, I broke into sprint.

I half-laughed, half-shrieked, as I ran through the house, wondering if I could manage to make it to the bedroom before he caught up with me – or before I stumbled. I heard his soft chuckles behind me a moment before a pair of strong arms wrapped around me, halting my escape.

Then, the world suddenly flipped upside down, and a loud cry left my lips, as I realized Carlisle had lifted me over his shoulder. Ignoring my shrieks and complaints, he adjusted my position and wrapped his arm behind my knees, before starting to walk towards the bedroom.

"Hey! Put me down! You're – making – me – dizzy!" I tried to sound indignant, but my words came out all breathless instead. I had a very nice view of his boxer-covered butt, so that probably had an effect on it.

He gave a soft, taunting laugh. "Oh? Is that so? That's what you get for running away from me like that."

"I promised you a payback this morning. You should've seen that coming." I gave his behind a gentle slap.

"And you should've seen it coming that you can't escape me that easily. You don't run that fast, you know."

"Hey! Your expensive floors are all shiny and slippery!"

He just laughed, and momentarily, I felt very unsteady, as the world righted itself again. I expected my feet to touch the floor, as Carlisle loosened his hold around me, but instead, I was gently tossed onto the bed. He gave me no time to recover from the sudden change of position, and by the time there was a normal amount of blood in my brain again, he had crawled over me, grabbing my wrists and pinning them to the bed.

"Now, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice dangerously soft, "where were we?"

He somehow managed to hold my both wrists with one hand, while the other trailed down my body, palming my breasts in a sensual manner. I gasped, as he leaned down and sucked a nipple into his mouth. He bit it gently, not hard enough to cause pain, but firmly enough to make my skin rise with goosebumps and my back arch. He gave my other breast the same, tender attention, and by the time he finished, my chest was heaving, and my head was spinning, like I'd downed a few glasses of expensive wine.

Carlisle released my wrists, and his hands were instantly working on my jeans, dragging them off, along with my panties. As he rolled off my socks and grabbed my ankles, I began to see stars. He had barely touched me, and I was having visual disturbances, for God's sake.

I felt him place a soft kiss on both of my knees, and then he crawled up my body, his warm hands moving over my naked skin like it was his intention to touch every inch of me. He caught my lips with his in a hard kiss, and meanwhile, his other hand trailed over my body, exploring, searching. He nudged my legs apart with his knees and dragged his fingertips up my inner thigh, breaking away from my lips.

"Now," he breathed, his voice deep and soft, "What did you say a moment ago? Something about this morning? You had to take a cold shower?"

I tried to remember how to nod, as his searching fingers inched upwards. "Uh huh."

"Because...?"

I struggled to form words. "Because I couldn't stand it," I managed to pant out. "I couldn't stand that you weren't there. I couldn't stop thinking about you...about what you were doing to me..."

His lips brushed mine again, this time very lightly. His fingers moved upwards again, and just as they were about to reach the tender flesh at the apex of my thighs, he pulled his hand away.

I groaned and threw my head to the side, feeling like I could die right there. I more felt than heard him chuckle; his nose nuzzled mine, his lips pressing yet another gentle kiss on my mouth.

"And what was I doing to you, hmm?" he whispered. "Tell me, Bella...what did you want me to do? What do you want me to do?"

"Touch me," I moaned. "I want you touch me, Carlisle."

"Like this?" White lights exploded behind my eyelids, as his fingers stroked my folds, teasing me, fanning the fire that was quickly roaring out of control.

"Yes," I moaned, the word coming out as a trembling breath. "Yes, just like that..." I inhaled sharply, as he found the bundle of nerves at the top of my heat and gave it a teasing stroke with his finger. He was using just the right amount of pressure – I couldn't understand how the hell he did that, how the hell he knew just how to touch me. I cried out and shuddered, as he slowly circled the sensitive bud, and as he traced his finger down my center, my hips gave an involuntary buck. He repeated the process, keeping his touch light and gentle, and soon, I was gasping for air and clutching the bed covers, feeling like I could snap any moment.

I struggled to hold on to what was left of my concentration and sanity, and I forced myself to release my death grip on the bed covers. My hands went to Carlisle's hips, grasping the band of his boxers. I tugged them down impatiently, dizzy with pleasure and impatience, as he kicked them off, but as I reached out a hand to touch him, he stopped me, like I'd stopped him before.

"No." He covered my hand with his and pulled it away from his body, while his other hand still continued to tease my heated flesh. His lips hovered over mine, his warm, quickened breath fanning across them. "I want to feel you, Bella," he whispered. "I want to feel you come against my hand."

I slammed my eyes closed. His dirty words alone nearly sent me over the edge, and as his skilled fingers danced across my distended nub again, every muscle in my body went taught. The heat that was burning in the pit of my stomach grew, the flames beating higher and hotter.

"Carlisle...so close," I heard myself moan. My toes curled, and my head kept thrashing from side to side, until Carlisle stilled my movements by capturing my lips with his.

"Yeah?" he murmured against my lips. "Are you close, Bella? Are you this wet for me? Is this all for me?" His finger kept circling my sensitive bud, and that did it. The tight knot in my stomach unraveled instantly, sending sparks of pleasure and bliss through my body.

"Carlisle...right there...yes!"

His intimate caress never ceased, as my body came undone. I didn't realize my hands had abandoned the bed covers, and I was now digging my fingers into his back, even in my incoherent state, wanting him closer. As I slowly came down from my high, he filled my wordless wish. He settled over me and aligned himself, cupping the back of my head with his other hand, as he slowly pushed himself inside me. His mouth dropped open, his eyes squeezing closed from the sensation, and there was a long moment when he just held me and stayed completely still, not moving at all. It made me wonder if he felt like I did. Did he, too, feel like there was nothing missing, like everything he needed was right here?

After a while, he opened his eyes, reaching up with his free hand to smooth a sweaty tendril of hair away from my face. I wrapped my arms around him, and then he kissed me, slowly and deeply, forcing my lips open with his tongue, as he began to rock his hips, building up a steady and sensual rhythm.

When my eyes wanted to slip closed, he pulled away from my mouth and asked me to open them – I'd noticed he always did that. It was like seeing my eyes during these moments was as important to him as sense of touch.

"I want to see you," he told me, his voice breathless and low. "I need to see you, sweetheart."

He always did that, too – called me sweetheart. Using that endearment only during passionate moments like this made it somehow more intimate. I briefly wondered if he even noticed it when he called me that. There was something spontaneous about the way the word fell from his lips. It was as involuntary as the trembling of his body, as uncontrolled as the flood of moans leaving his chest.

I embraced it all. I opened my eyes and stared into his, and when he called me sweetheart, I took it as a reaction to all those sensations that were rushing through him and threatening to sweep him away. I had no way to verbally encapsulate my feelings, no way to epitomize the waves of sensation rushing through me; I had no endearment for him, except for the way I said his name.

"Carlisle," I sighed, and it was everything I needed to say, everything I needed to express. His name was the only thing I knew, the only thing I could hold on to, as the building ball of heat inside me began to become too much and threatened to burst into pieces. I buried my face into his neck, but he twined his fingers into my hair and gently pulled my head back to gaze at my face.

"That's it, sweetheart," he gasped, his movements becoming unsteady and shaky. "Come with me, Bella. I want to feel you come around me." And then, his lips were assaulting mine with intense need, and the pumping of his hips became uncoordinated and urgent. I cried out into his mouth, as bliss engulfed me, and I pushed my hips against his, as his body tensed up and quivered. I felt him throb inside me, as he let go, his teeth scraping my bottom lip nearly painfully, a moment before he called out my name in a hoarse cry. I thought I tasted blood, but I was so caught up in my own release I barely noticed.

We fell into and against each other, like stars collapsing under their own gravity; first, there was light, blinding in its brightness, burning like a beacon in the dark. That light seemed to outshine everything in our small galaxy, radiating more energy and heat than the sun in its entire lifetime. And after that, there was just silence; after an explosion like that, silence almost always followed. It was a silence full of breathing, full of the sound of two racing hearts.

I clung to him, like the moon clings to its orbit, and he trapped me with his body, like the sun traps our planet in its gravitational field. I briefly thought that, maybe we were a supernova about to happen…that, maybe we were just two stars about to die...that, maybe there would be nothing left of us after we'd burned out. But I didn't care.

Because if he had to fall from the sky, it only made sense that I'd fall with him.

A/N: I don't quite know why Edward turned out the way he did. I hadn't planned on making him such a comedian, but that's how he ended up in this story. Maybe I got tired of seeing him so serious and brooding all the time in the original saga, and my muse wanted to turn his personality upside down.

Thank you for your reviews, I'm always interested to hear what you have to say. I know the pace and mood of this story may frustrate some of you, and I understand. I hope you keep having patience with the characters, and I promise your questions will be answered before long.