The Start of Something New

I was once again alone. Doralice had gone back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up and I had been given the task of waiting for Jim. Twenty minutes or so later, Jim came back looking pale and more than a little distracted. "Everything all right?" I asked tentatively.

Jim's head jerked around like he hadn't even noticed I was in the room. He stared at me a second before his attention shifted to the kitchen. "Would you mind if we continued this outside?"

"Sure." I pushed to my feet and led the way outside. Once out on the porch, Jim took a deep breath and leaned against one of the supports.

"How did it go?" I asked still trying to get a handle on what had just gone on between Jim and his son.

"I'll be leaving by the end of the week," Jim said.

"Okay," I replied slowly getting the feeling I wasn't going to like what I was going to hear next.

"Jack will be coming with me."

It took a second for his words to actually sink in and even then I wondered if I'd heard him right. Given Jim's look before the last thing I'd expected was for him to tell me he was taking Jack. "What?"

Jim finally straightened and faced me. "I'll be leaving soon and taking the boy with me." The words held more convection this time and most of the color had returned to his face. He looked and sounded a lot more like Dandy now.

"You're taking him?" Again I just had to clarify we were on the same page.

"Yes."

"You sure about this?"

Jim's look became baffled. "It's what you want isn't it?"

"I want to see Jack cared for." True I'd hoped for this outcome but mine and Bret's earlier conversation was still nagging at me and now was the time to settle this. As much as I hadn't wanted to admit it before, if Jim wasn't absolutely sure of taking Jack it would better for him to leave now and forget all of this. As far as Jack was concerned, I thought it would be easier for him to deal with his father leaving now than for him to spend the rest of his childhood with a man who didn't want him.

"And he will be. I assure you the boy will have everything he needs."

"Including love?"

"Well, I have no intention of telling him daily he's nothing more than a burden to me if that's what you mean," Jim snapped obviously irritated.

"I didn't mean that." Dandy can be pretty selfish, but he's not heartless. He wouldn't intentionally hurt Jack in any way. "It's just a big step, and it's permanent. You're willing to do that?"

Jim looked at me incredulously. "Bart, you've chased me hundreds of miles, threatened me in order to bring me back here, and have tossed me in alone with that boy more than once. I've finally told you what you want to hear and you now seem to be doing everything in your power to talk me out of it." He crossed his arms and sort of glared. "Here I was thinking you'd be thrilled to hear you were getting your way."

I blinked and realized Dandy was right. I did seem to be making a pretty good case against myself. For perhaps the first time in all the years I'd known him, Jim was taking full responsibility for something and I was questioning him about it. What was wrong with me?

"Sorry," I offered as I moved to stand beside him. "I didn't mean it to sound that way. This is what I want. I think it's what's best for both of you, and I'm proud of you for doing it. I guess I just want to know you understand this isn't a game. Are you ready to be a father?"

Jim smiled ruefully. "Believe me, Bart, I'm well aware this isn't a game, and no, I'm not sure I'm ready at all, but it's what you want, what Lenora wanted, what he wants. I don't have a choice."

This made me think of a time about a week before the girls were born. It was hot and muggy, Doralice was huge and miserable, and I'd been in a panic as the reality that my whole world was changing hit me. I'd told Pappy that I wasn't sure I was ready and he, in his normal sympathetic and understanding way, told me it was too late to do anything about it and I better get ready. Jim was going through the same thing I realized. No, he wasn't ready and he never would be, but he was willing to do what he had to do. I didn't have the right to stand here and make him second guess himself. Jack was his son, and Jim was willing to take responsibility for him. At this point, it might have more to do with obligation than love, but I was now surer than ever that love would eventually come.

"I felt the same way when the girls were born," I told him. "If it makes you feel any better, none of us really know what we're doing. We just love them and learn as we go."

"And hope they don't turn out to be complete delinquents?"

I almost laughed until I saw Dandy was being serious. "I wouldn't worry about that. Look at us."

Jim scoffed. "Yes, look at us. We have a marvelous record don't we?"

I grimaced. "So we had our wild years. We both turned out alright."

"I just agreed to be responsible for the boy for the next fifteen years and then you compare it to the likes of us? Really, Bart, you're supposed to be encouraging me."

I had to laugh this time, but I meant what I said. We'd both had our moments, Jim more than me, but when it was all said and done, we'd turned into two fairly mature well-adjusted adults. Before I could tell him that, however, Jim spoke again, his tone almost grave.

"She knew me, Bart, very well. Why would she willingly leave her child with me?"

Dandy had dropped his guard now and was asking for real advice. In all the years I've known him, I've only seen him this open a couple of times before. I hoped I could find a way to tell him what he needed to hear before he decided his standard sarcastic nonchalant attitude needed to be put back in place.

"If she really did know you that well, she must have seen something she approved of. Something she thought her son, your son, needed." True it was hard to imagine Dandy as a father, but there were plenty of people who would have said the same of me not long ago. As long as Jim cared, and I knew he did, Jack would be fine. "I'm not going to tell you it's easy, Jim, but I don't think you'll regret it."

"I don't know anything about raising a child."

"I told you, none of us do. Really, you're both gonna be fine." I was struck by how similar this conversation was to the one I'd had with Pappy not long ago and wondered just when I'd turned into my father. There was something both remarkable and frightening about that.

Jim turned to look at me and I could tell he was surprised. "You have a great deal of confidence in me, don't you?"

"About this? Yes, I do."

"I do believe you mean that, old boy."

"I do."

Jim inclined his head slightly in appreciation and I decided this was getting too maudlin for both of us. "Well," I said slapping him on the shoulder. "If you don't need any more of my profound advice, I'm going back in. You want to join us for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Does this breakfast occur at some ungodly hour?"

"Yep. Usually around seven."

Jim heaved a theatrical sigh but nodded. "Of course."

"See you tomorrow then."

I went back inside and found Doralice waiting for me in the sitting room. As soon as she saw me she jumped up and hurried over to me. "Well?"

A grin slowly spread across my face. "Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yep. He said yes."

Doralice squealed and jumped into my arms. "I knew he'd do the right thing in the end. There was no way he could do anything else."

It looked like James had his shine back and honestly, I was kind of glad. It seemed wrong for Doralice to be upset with Jim. Or James I guess.

"He's coming for breakfast tomorrow. I thought he and Jack needed as much time together as they could get before they leave."

"Good idea. The more comfortable Jack is with him, the better. Now, Mister Maverick, if we've solved the world's problems, why don't we go to bed?"

"That's the best idea I've heard all day," I told her. Taking her hand, we went through the house blowing out the lamps until we finally made it to our room. For the first time in nearly three months, I felt like things actually were going to be alright.

XXXXXXX

Four days later, we were at the stage depot waiting for the coach that would take Jim and Jack away from Little Bend. We'd had a dinner the night before to give Jack the chance to say goodbye to everyone and it was just Jack, Jim, Doralice, and I at the depot. Even the babies were left with Maude and Doralice looked like she was enjoying the short break.

Jim had spent most of the last four days around his son and they seemed to be doing well together. All this was still pretty new to both of them, but they were able to hold an almost normal conversation now. They were at least to a point where Jack did more than stare and Jim didn't look like Jack was about to jump on him at any given moment. They still had a ways to go, but I wasn't too worried about how things would be when it was just the two of them.

Doralice was off talking to Jack while Jim and I took care of the luggage. Actually I was taking care of the luggage and Jim was supervising. When I tossed the last of Jack's things up to the driver I looked at Jim and found him watching Doralice and Jack. "She seems quite taken with him," he commented.

"I think she is," I told him. "She's gonna miss him." Truth was I was going to miss him too. Once he opened up, he really was a good kid. "Any idea of where you're going from here?" I'd asked before but so far hadn't gotten a straight answer. I didn't expect one now either.

Jim shrugged. "Further west. This is the first time Jack's ever been out of Mississippi so it's all new to him. I suppose we'll see where we end up."

The driver finished with the baggage and climbed up on his seat. "Ready when you are," he called down.

"I guess that's your cue?" I told Jim.

"So it seems."

I glanced at Dandy out of the side of my eye and found he didn't look in a great rush to leave. I knew he was ready to get out of town. Little Bend doesn't offer enough excitement for him and I think we'd about given him more family life than he could stand over the past week. Leaving meant being alone with Jack though. Jim may have accepted this change, but he wasn't rushing to meet it. "Nervous?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied bluntly.

"It does get easier," I told him throwing an arm around his shoulders and turning towards Jack and Doralice. "Look at it this way, at least he's old enough feed himself and sleep through the night. That's more than mine do at the moment."

"An excellent point." I'd sort of meant it as a joke, but I think Jim took it quite seriously. "Jack," he called. "I believe it's time for us to leave."

Jack nodded and Doralice knelt down wrapping him in another hug. "Bye, Jack. Make sure you come back to see us." When she released Jack she walked over to us and hugged Dandy too. "I mean that, James. You're welcome back anytime, both of you."

"Thank you, dear lady. I shall remember."

It was now my turn for goodbyes and I looked to Jack first. "Bye, Jack," I said squatting down and offering my hand. "You take of yourself and your pappy over there. He can get into trouble sometimes." I could feel Dandy's stare on my back but I got a smile out of Jack.

"I will," he said taking my hand.

"And don't forget to practice your poker. He may run into trouble every now and then but he's a pretty good hand at poker so he can help you."

Jack let go of my hand and hesitated for a beat before he threw his arms around me knocking me off balance. "Bye, Bart."

As soon as I steadied myself I returned the embrace. "Like Doralice said, come back any time."

"Okay," he said softly before pulling away. He then hurried back to Doralice for another hug while I said my goodbye to the elder Buckley.

Standing I again offered my hand. "Don't be a stranger, Dandy."

"I'll do my best, Bart." He looked back at his son. "Jack, are you ready?"

Doralice gave Jack a kiss and sent him back over to us. Jim helped his son into the stage and then climbed in after him. Jack stuck his head out of the window for a final farewell before the driver urged the team forward taking the Buckleys out of Little Bend in a cloud of dust.

"You think they'll be alright?" Doralice asked as the coach disappeared from sight.

I put my arm around her and pulled her close. "I do. They both have some adjustments to make, but they'll get there."

I thought back over the last couple of months and could hardly believe all that had gone on. I felt like a much different man than the one who'd met with Dandy in the saloon all those weeks ago. I felt more settled, more sure of myself and my position as a father and a husband. I'd done some growing since that day, and I wasn't the only one; Dandy had changed too. It hardly seemed possible it had all happened in such a short amount of time.

"What are you thinking?"

I jumped slightly at Doralice's voice. I'd been so caught up in my own thoughts I'd almost forgotten where I was. "Us," I said as we started down the boardwalk and home. "Everything that's happened lately; babies, Jack, Dandy."

"What about them?"

"How things have changed. On one hand, it seems like the girls were born yesterday. On the other, it feels like . . . ."

"They've always been here?"

"You feel it too?"

My wife nodded. "Yes. Or maybe that's not the best way to describe it. More like I don't really remember what life was like before them. Does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense." I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Do we have to get home right away?" I loved the girls dearly but I was enjoying this respite with Doralice and didn't want it to end just yet.

"That depends. What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Maybe coffee and pie. Just us; no kids of any age."

Doralice leaned her head against me and smiled. "I think we can do that."

Arm in arm, we crossed the street to go to the café and all I could think about was how lucky I was. Sure having a family had brought some interesting challenges into my life, and I was sure there would be more challenges than I could imagine in the future, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. My thoughts drifted back to Dandy and Jack. There would be challenges for them as well as they tried to navigate all the new changes in their lives. That would be particularly true for Jim as he learned how to be a father. It was a daunting task to be sure, but a worthwhile one. I only hope that one day, Jim will look back at all this, all that's happened, all that's changed, and think about how lucky he is too.

The End