Chapter 3: Beyond YOLO?
After...processing the new information I'd learned from Nyarlathotep, I asked Luna where I could find an Inn close by. Surprisingly, there was an Inn just right across the street...shit, no idea how I didn't notice that. I went up to the quest board and was surprised to see that it was loaded with that frog killing quest in the show. Kazuma, you're a dumbass, why didn't you just grind the goddamned frog quest?
I walked over to Luna, quest in hand.
"Hey, Luna, I picked the first quest I'll do!" I said excitedly. She smiled at my enthusiasm, but then looked at me worriedly.
"Are you sure, Jack? You don't have a weapon."
Gift Choice from Cthulhu: First Weapon!
[Longsword]
[Katana]
[Spear]
[Axe]
[Brass Knuckles]
[Scythe]
Aw! Damn it, Cthulhu! Why do you do this to me!?
Well, shit, the first weapon, and I couldn't choose my favorite weapon, the scythe. Why couldn't I pick it? Well, it is in all honesty very impractical as a weapon. I didn't know anything about katanas at all, not a lick of spear skill, and I couldn't axe anyone the question of importance.
Ding!
[Terrible Puns] (Passive)
LV 3, EXP [0%] This is your ability to make terrible puns. As the skill EXP increases, you will be able to make people groan extremely loud, but grudgingly admit your prowess at terrible puns. Horrific nature of your puns increases by 8%.
Power leveling the fuck out of it…
And I didn't know how good brass knuckles could be against giant frogs.
Longsword style it is.
Ding!
[Good decision making! Wisdom increased by 1.]
The sword was sent into my inventory, I opened it up and brought the longsword out of my inventory right in front of Luna. She was without a doubt, shocked at what I just did.
"Jack, how did you pull a sword out of thin air!?" she exclaimed.
"I've got my own personal pocket dimension," I lied smoothly.
"Your own pocket dimension...how much can it store?"
Cthulhu, how much can my inventory store?
Message from Cthulhu: Unlimited space bruh!
"I've got unlimited space."
Luna looked even more shocked at this.
"So, can I do the quest?"
"Y-Yeah..."
Quest: Kill 5 Giant Toads in three days.
Failure: Disappointment from everyone. You become a laughingstock.
I grinned in excitement. To this Luna blushed and smiled softly. I was about to walk out of the guild when I was stopped by Aqua.
"Hey Jack, where are you going? And where did you get that sword?" she asked.
"Quest, and pocket dimension," I said simply.
"Why didn't you bring me!?"
"Don't worry, Aqua, just relax in the guild. I'll be back in an hour or two," I said as I exited the guild - much to her protest.
I opened up my stat window.
I've got 5 points…
I put all the points into my Intelligence stat.
Name: Jack Gehrman
Occupation: The Eldritch Gamer
LV: 5
EXP: 0%
HP: 175/175
MP: 115/115
Strength: 23
Vitality: 12
Dexterity: 14
Intelligence: 12
Wisdom: 9
Luck: 9
Point(s): 0
Eris: 0
Sweet, more MP!
Timeskip: To the grassy hills with Giant Toads.
I took in a deep breath of fresh air and exhaled with a smile. I had my sword resting on my shoulder while looking for those Giant Toads. It didn't take long before I heard some of them coming to my location. I turned my head to the left, two of them. I used [Observation] on one of the toads.
Indigenous Creature
LV 7 Giant Toad
HP: 400/400
MP: 50/50
A giant toad. They are extremely common in the plains around Axel, and frequently harass humans living in the area, especially farmers and their livestock.
Should be easy...I hope.
I readied my sword and rushed the first toad. I swung my sword into its front right leg. To my surprise, it cut really deeply into its leg, almost all the way through the bone. I ripped my sword out of its leg and stomped on its now gravely wounded leg. This broke the Toad's leg, causing it to really feel the pain. It was thrashing around wildly making panicked croaking sounds. I took my sword and stabbed it through the eye, burying the sword to the hilt.
It must have gone through the brain because it stopped moving and twitched as I pulled the sword out. This was my first ever real life kill. It was empowering and frightening to see how easy it was to take a life, especially that of a creature of this size.
But even in the midst of such philosophy, I still couldn't pass up the opportunity for the following pun. I whipped out my sunglasses.
"Looks like the toad...just croaked."
YEAAAAAAAA-
Ding!
[Terrible Puns] (Passive)
LV 4, EXP [0%] This is your ability to make terrible puns. As the skill EXP increases, you will be able to make people groan extremely loud, but grudgingly admit your prowess at terrible puns. Horrific nature of your puns increases by 10%.
Power. Leveling. The. Fuck. Out. Of. This.
Suddenly, every toad around in a ten-mile radius groaned audibly.
My head turned to the next toad heading my way. I rushed it like the last but this time it launched its tongue at me. I barely dodged it and I noticed that its tongue would recede back into its body faster than I could make it to the toad. I was still in the tongue's path, and it would knock me over, or worse.
Aw, screw it, what's the worst that could happen...don't you fucking answer that, Murphy's Law!
I used my momentum to slide underneath the toad and stabbed with my sword from underneath it. Still moving under the toad, I gripped my sword harder, effectively slicing the toad's underbelly from chin to crotch. Once the momentum from sliding stopped I got up quickly and faced the toad. There was a lot of gore.
"Jesus Christ, Mortal Kombat be damned!"
Message from Nyarlathotep: You okay there, Jack? You look a bit pale.
"Yeah, I-I'm fine. Just never expected to see real gore."
Message from Nyarlathotep:Don't worry, it's like this all the time for most humans. Just take a deep breath okay.
I do as she says, it calms me down a lot. But this confirms one of my thoughts at the back of my head, [Eldritch Mind] doesn't alter my way of thinking or my mind in general; it just makes me able to comprehend beings like Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep. I'll still be myself, I won't truly think of my life as a game.
"Thanks, I needed that."
Message from Nyarlathotep: No problem!
"Hey, do you know what happened to Dante and the others?"
Message from Nyarlathotep:Oh, Dante went into a corner to cry while everyone went to console him.
"Well then. I guess the Devil."
I wiped out the sunglasses.
"...May Cry."
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Ding!
[Terrible Puns] (Passive)
LV 5, EXP [0%] This is your ability to make terrible puns. As the skill EXP increases, you will be able to make people groan extremely loud, but grudgingly admit your prowess at terrible puns. Horrific nature of your puns increases by 12%.
I grinned at that.
Message from Nyarlathotep:(giggle) This is why I like you so much, you love puns just as much as me!
"Aw, thank you! But why are you the only one here at the moment?"
Message from Nyarlathotep:You really think I'm going to miss out on my favorite person getting his first kills? Like Hell.
I smiled softly, I looked at my next target.
More toads. Riveting!
"Okay, let's do this. LEEEEEEEROY JENKINNNNNS!"
Two hours later, after brutally slaughtering many Giant Toads...
Third Person POV
Back at the Adventurer's Guild...
Two hours had just passed, only Aqua and Luna were still there and Jack wasn't back yet. Luna was getting worried but had faith that he'd make it back okay. Aqua was without a doubt bored as all Hell. She slammed her hands down on the table.
"Where the Hell is he!?" the goddess shouted.
At that very moment the sound of the guild doors being kicked in echoed throughout the building. It was our self-insert protagonist, he had his sword resting over his shoulder, his left hand in his pocket. He looked like he was out of breath, and...he was covered in blood and sweat.
"Goodness, Jack! What happened to you?" Luna shouted worriedly.
"I was in the zone...huff...I was about to leave when I killed five...huff... but then the blood drew in more toads...huff...and I had to fight my way out...huff...but if it's any consolation, none of this blood is mine." Jack said with a satisfied grin with blood on the majority of his face.
He was so tired that he had to practically drag himself to the table Aqua and Luna were sitting at. Once at the table, he unceremoniously dropped himself on the bench and threw his sword into his inventory before slamming his head down onto the table.
"How many toads did you kill, Jack?" asked Aqua.
Jack raised his head up, still a little out of breath.
"Um, I kind of shut my brain off after eight kills and just kept swinging," he answered unsurely, his voice muffled by the table.
"Um, Jack, where are the Giant Toads themselves?" asked Luna.
"Pocket dimension. I had a feeling I might need the corpses as proof of the kills." Jack said simply
Jack sat up straight, he looked like he just ran a marathon; sweat ran down his face and soaked his shirt, which clung to his skin and showed his well developed six pack. Jack took off his hoodie and wrapped it around his waist, and stretched his arms unknowingly giving both girls a bit of a show, if Luna and surprisingly Aqua blushing up a storm was anything to go by.
Jack POV
That was fucking exhausting! The level ups were so worth it though, three levels and I got my first title. Yay! I looked at Aqua and Luna sitting next to each other red-faced and steam coming out of their heads. I looked at where my shirt was soaked...holy shit, there was a six pack.
I looked back to the girls and grinned.
"Like what you see?" I asked with a teasing grin.
They both nodded in a mechanical fashion.
Message from Nyarlathotep: I know that I do!
GG Nyarlathotep, GG.
Well, let's turn in this quest.
"Hey Luna, where do you need me to put the corpses?" I asked.
Once Luna recovered, she brought me to a room in the back of the guild to put the toad corpses. She along with Aqua watched as I pulled 16 fresh still bleeding borderline mutilated toad corpses out of thin air. Aqua's jaw dropped to the floor when she saw that.
"Did you honestly think you brought someone who was weak, Aqua? Because you were very wrong in that regard," I said to her quietly so that Luna wouldn't hear.
Aqua looked at me with wide eyes as I walked back into the main guild hall.
"So, Luna, I'm guessing most people come back into the guild when it's night, right?" I asked.
"Yes, Jack, people usually come back to the guild at night to eat, hang out with friends, and drink the night away," she explained.
"Mostly drink the night away," I guessed.
"Yeah..."
"So, I get 100,000 Eris for the quest, right?" I asked as we walked back to the guild administrative desk.
"Well, normally, but you killed 16 of them. Jack, you've done about three of the same quest. And you and I both know that the board is loaded with that quest this time of year. So that amount adds up to 300,000 Eris in total."
I froze dead in my tracks. 300,000 Eris...in one single day. Well, at least I don't have to worry about having any money for a while.
"300,000 Eris. Just...wow."
"At least you don't have to worry about not being able to pay for a room in the Inn, right?"
"Y-Yeah."
Luna handed me the money on a small tray and I put it in my inventory. Aqua and I waved goodbye as we walked out of the guild and into the Inn. As we walked into the Inn we spotted an old man behind the counter.
"Hello, young man. Are you here to rent a room for the night?" the old man asked.
"Yes, sir, we would like two rooms, or at least a two-bedroom if you have one," I said.
"I apologize, young man, but there's only one room left and it's a one-bedroom. The last room that was open just got rented out to a mercenary." the old man told me.
I paled the moment the words "one-bedroom" left his mouth.
...Shit…
I sighed, there was no fucking way in Hell that I was sleeping in the stables like Kazuma in the anime.
"W-We'll take the room, sir."
"Okay then, young man, that'll be 3,000 Eris per night."
"All right, then."
I put my hand in my pocket to take the money out of my inventory. I gave the elderly man the money and he gave me a key with a room number on it. Aqua and I went to our designated room, it was a cozy little room. The bed looked soft, there was a window, a nightstand.
While this was nice and all, what surprised me the most was that the Innkeeper didn't comment on the fact that I was covered in blood. Speaking of, I need a bath and a way to clean my clothes.
"Aqua, I'm about to go take a bath I'm heading to the bathhouse in town. You need anything?" I asked her.
"Food," the goddess said rubbing her stomach.
"Don't worry, when night hits in a few hours we'll eat like kings in the guild."
I walked into the out of the Inn and to the bathhouse after getting some directions. Once in the bathhouse I put all my clothes in my Inventory and headed to the male bathing area. Took off my clothes and stepped into the bath. Good God, hot water is always best after a hard day's work! It took a while to get the blood out of my hair, but with the shampoo they had it didn't take too long. Once done, I took a towel from the towel rack and started drying my hair. There was a comb by the sink, I used it the comb out my now tangled and knotted hair.
After I finished combing my hair I looked into a full body length mirror inside the bath and I took a good look at myself. Black straight shoulder length hair with bangs that went past my lip and at the sides of my head in front of my ears the hair was longer and went down to my collarbone, on the left side of my head my hair spiked slightly. The back of my head had my hair go to my shoulders.
I had blood-red eyes and an angular face, looked exactly like my OC with the exception I was still six foot four in terms of height.
No shit, about six feet tall and I'm only seventeen!
But what surprised me most was the rest of my new body, there wasn't even a shred of fat on me! I had one of the most well defined compact bodies for a male I had ever seen!
Message from Nyarlathotep: I see that you like your new body. Basically what we did for your new body was give it the same stats as your first body had, but when we entered your stats this is how it turned out.
...I'm so glad I went to the gym so often back in my original world, I thought with a grin.
"So, is there anything I should know about my new body?"
Message from Nyarlathotep: Well as you can see this body can'tproduce body hair or facial hair, other than that not that I know of.
"Body and facial hair is more trouble than it's worth so thanks for that and what you mean 'Not that you know of?'"
Message from Nyarlathotep: Well...this isthe first time a Great Old One or Outer God did anything like this so not even wedon't know all the details about it.
"Fuck..." I sighed. "Looks like I'm going in blind."
Message from Nyarlathotep: Don't worry. Cthulhu and I will run some test on your new body soon, okay?
"Okay, but that leaves us with another problem."
Message from Nyarlathotep: Huh?
"Where am I going to get some clean clothes?"
Message from Nyarlathotep: I got it.
Gift from Nyarlathotep: New Clothes
[Black Second Skin Tank Top]
[Black Jeans]
[Black Leather Belt]
[Black Boxers]
[Calf-High Red-Laced Black Combat Boots]
Thanks!
There is no such thing as wearing too much black. Anyone who says otherwise speaks pure blasphemy! I got dressed in the jeans stuffed into the boots and headed out of the bathhouse. But on my way back to the Inn I had a thought.
Hey, Nyarlathotep, I died and came back to life, right?
Message from Nyarlathotep: Yeah, why?
Am I beyond YOLO?
Message from Nyarlathotep: Just...just...no. IT'S TIME TO STOP!
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR PARENTS!?
Message from Nyarlathotep: IT'S TOO MUCH CANCER!
I CAN FEEL THE TUMORS GROWING ON MY BACK!
Message from Nyarlathotep: AND THEY'RE WEIGHING DOWN HEAVY!
PUFF! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! I just fucking can't!
Message from Nyarlathotep: Why didn't I find you sooner!
Too...much...Bloodborne
Message from Nyarlathotep: Yeah, you were kind of obsessed with anything relating to cosmic horror.
And this is bad in your case how?
Message from Nyarlathotep: It...isn't...huh?
This is why we don't question things Nyarlathotep.
Before I knew it I was in front of the Inn once again, I went straight to mine and Aqua's room.
Aqua was laying down on the bed, looking extremely bored.
"Hey Aqua," I said.
Aqua turned her head to me and blushed scarlet red when she looked at what I was wearing.
"J-J-J-J-Jack!" the goddess of water stuttered.
"Yo, you ready to head to the Guild? It's 'about night time, so they should be serving food right about now..." I said thinking.
"W-Where did you get those clothes?"
"I told you before, Aqua. Pocket dimension."
"How do you even have a pocket dimension!? You were supposed to be a normal human being."
"Chin up, Luv! You got more than you bargained for."
God, I played waytoo much Overwatch…
"B-But then...how did you kill all those frogs so easily!?"
"Aqua, I'm pretty strong for my age, and I've got a very sharp sword. Slicing through limbs isn't that hard for me."
Aqua nodded slowly.
"Now are you going to stand there and ogle at me all day, or are we going to the guild to eat?"
At this Aqua grabbed my hand and rushed out of the Inn as we headed to the guild. I had already put my points where I wanted them to be, so I opened up my status menu to check.
Name: Jack Gehrman Toad Slayer
Occupation: The Eldritch Gamer
LV: 8
EXP: 67%
HP: 235/235
MP: 160/160
Strength: 25
Vitality: 18
Dexterity: 14
Intelligence: 19
Wisdom: 9
Luck: 9
Point(s): 0
Eris: 297,000
I smirked as Aqua and I entered the guild.
Chapter 3 End