Trigger Warning: This chapter does involve self harm and kind of suicidal thoughts. Please do not read if this will upset you or anything!

"Hey Ikuya, what's up with that?" Makoto asked as him, Asahi, Haru and Ikuya were stretching.

"What do you mean?" Ikuya asked, pretending not to notice Makoto's concerned gaze.

"There's scratches all down you arm," Makoto said, trying to think of what it could be.

"It's nothing," Ikuya said, trying to hide his arm from Makoto's concerned gaze.

"Are you sure?" Makoto asked

"I'm fine," Ikuya replied, almost coldly.

Damn, if you're not careful they're going to find out, then they'l all hate you even more. They'll all laugh at you because you're so pathetic. At least there aren't any actual cuts on my arm, how would I even begin to explain that.

Makoto left it at that, getting the message that Ikuya wasn't going to tell him, he walked over to Haru

"Hey Haru, what's up with Ikuya?" Makoto asked quietly

"Like I know," Haru replied simply.

"Hey, first years," Natsuya said in greeting as he and Nao made their way over to the four boys.

"Hello senpai," Makoto replied with one of his usual smiles. Asahi and Haru both greeted Natsuya as well however, Ikuya stayed deathly silent.

"Ikuya, greetings," Natsuya turned to face his brother, slightly confused. Ikuya usually ignored him yeah but he would usually at least say hello, Ikuya was once again silent for a moment before muttering a quiet "Hello." As he looked away from Natsuya.

Ikuya briefly heard Natsuya and Asahi talking however, he didn't focus on what was being said. Instead he dug his nails into his palms, still shaken up from the panic attack he'd had before.

The rest of practice went by quickly which was a relief to Ikuya. He was still worrying over whether or not Makoto had figured out what the scratches on his arm were and it was beginning to make him exhausted.

He eventually got home, heading straight to his room and locking the door behind him.

You're such a failure, you're pathetic. Makoto was probably worried about you and you lied to him, no wonder no one likes you...it would be better if you weren't here...maybe you should just kill yourself...

With that last thought, Ikuya headed over to his desk, grabbing a small box off it and opening it, revealing several blades inside. He picked one up and headed towards the bathroom, grabbing a towel on the way. He turned the shower on before undressing and entering the shower. he tilted his head back, looking up into the stream of water and letting out a loud sigh before he grabbed his blade once more, sitting down before raising the blade the blade up to his thigh where the skin was already scarred and covered in raised cuts. He dragged the blade across his skin, watching the blood pool out of the cut as it began dripping down his leg, mixing with the water to create intricate designs and patterns. He watched, loving how the red blood contrasted with the white of the shower floor. He repeated this action, raising the blade up and slicing across his thigh again and again until he had an uncountable number of cuts along his right thigh. They stung as the water hit them but at that moment, he couldn't bring himself to care as he stared blankly at the wall.

You deserve this...it's all your fault...If you weren't here everyone would be happier...You should just die...No one likes y...

"Ikuya?" Natsuya knocked on the door, interrupting Ikuya's thoughts.

It took Ikuya a while to find his voice as he called out a shaky

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You've been in the shower for over a hour. Tea's ready when you're done as well."

"I'm fine," Ikuya replied, his voice returning to it's cold tone. He heard footsteps walking away and let out a sigh of relief, turning the shower off and stepping out. he dried himself off before digging around in the cupboard for some bandages. His leg was still bleeding, small drips of blood falling slowly down to the tiled floor. He got to work wrapping the bandages tightly around his leg, slowing the blood that flowed out of the cuts.

Ikuya let out yet another sigh as he finished wrapping the bandage. He got dressed again before reluctantly going into the dining room. His parents were both stood talking and Natsuya was sat down at the table. Ikuya silently sat down next to Natsuya, his thoughts already running wild as his parents both sat down as well. They all began eating before the silence as interrupted.

"So how was school today?" Their mother asked

"It was the same as any other day I guess," Natsuya answered, Ikuya simply looked away and shrugged his shoulders, hoping that his parents wouldn't ask what was wrong. He could feel the concerned gazes of his parents however, they didn't say anything as the room fell silent once more.

They all hate you, they don't want you here. You're a mistake. A terrible, horrible, annoying mistake...

"May I be excused?" Ikuya asked quietly, not trusting his voice to not crack.

"Yes of course. Are you feeling okay?" His mother asked, her eyes filled with concern.

"I'm fine. I have homework to do." Ikuya lied. He stood up, wincing at the stinging in his thighs and went over to the sink, washing his plate and placing it on the drying rack before heading to his room, glad to be away from all the worried looks from his family. He lay down on his bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling as he thought about everything he hated about himself and about what he would do differently if he could.

Well being born would be the first thing I'd do differently. Then you wouldn't even be here...

A smile made it's way onto Ikuya's face with that thought as he led staring blankly at the ceiling as he tried to clear his thoughts.