They returned home not too long later, Ikuya's stomach filling with dread as he saw the familiar house
I'm going to have to explain myself, aren't I...?
The engine in the car shut off and Ikuya managed to get out with little to no difficulty, ignoring the hand his brother had offered him, also trying to ignore the look of hurt he saw flash briefly across Natsuya's face. Upon entering the house, Ikuya waited a minute to see whether anyone was going to question him, however, after a few minutes of silence, he began walking to his bedroom.
Of course I feel bad about making them worry but...I don't really want to talk about it right now...Too much has happened in the past few days...
He flopped down on his bed, hearing a crunching sound from his pocket. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a piece of paper and the card with the police officers phone number on it. The piece of paper was slightly crumpled but he could read the clear writing on it easily.
08529 3459 - Yuuto, call or text me whenever :)
Ikuya let a small smile slip onto his face, remembering the other boys who had helped him the other day. He stood up, grabbing his phone off his desk, typing in his password only to be assaulted with what seemed like millions of text messages, missed phone calls and a couple miscellaneous notifications. After entering Yuuto's phone number, he locked his phone again, ignoring all the notifications. He grabbed his headphones and placed them in his ears as he began playing some random music in an attempt to drown out his thoughts. Hours passed as Ikuya sat at his desk, legs pulled up to his aching chest and music blaring in his ears as everything that had happened over the past few days crashed over him like a ginormous tidal wave. He couldn't pinpoint when his breathing began speeding up or when his vision began swimming as it all happened so fast. It wasn't long before the lack of oxygen made him feel dizzy, doing nothing to calm the ever-growing panic
I can't breathe...I can't...I need to calm down...Someone help
Natsuya sat with Nao in his room, his eyes red and puffy and his voice cracking every few seconds
"I don't know what to do...This is all my fault for pushing him away but I can't even think of any way to help him..." Natsuya mumbled, his voice sounding broken and defeated.
"Natsuya, this isn't your fault, you did what you thought would be best for Ikuya. I'm not just saying this because I'm your friend but I really don't think this is your fault. Ikuya's never been the most confident person ever so he must've thought he's done something wrong when you left him which isn't your fault, it's his brain twisting situations that caused this. Even if it was your fault, it's in the past now, all you can do now s support him and try to help him, if he'll let you," Nao finished, looking at Natsuya's expression which was a mix of dumbstruck and sad.
"Do you...Do you think it's too late to help him..?" Natsuya stuttered, scared to hear the answer.
"It's not too late. I mean, I doubt he'll ever be the most confident person ever, but it is possible to help him learn ways to deal with everything," Nao offered
"...Yeah...I'm going to have to stop him from taking part in that tournament tomorrow aren't I?" Natsuya let a weak smile slip onto his face at the thought, no doubt Ikuya would argue about it and it made Natsuya proud that he was so determined but also annoyed that he was so stubborn.
"Yeah...He could possibly take part if he was extremely careful but I don't think it's worth the risk," Nao replied, making Natsuya sigh.
"He'll probably hate me even more after that..." Natsuya mumbled defeatedly, looking away.
"I'll be right beside you, I can try and help you explain," Nao offered, earning a weak smile from Natsuya.
"Thanks," Natsuya mumbled again before being pulled into a hug by Nao.
"Everything's going to be okay," Nao said, his voice comforting."I promise you,"
The next day was extremely stressful for Natsuya. He couldn't stop worrying about Ikuya and how he was going to react to not being allowed to swim
I need to fix things with him...I just need to think of how...
Nao noticed that Natsuya was off today however, he didn't mention it as he could already guess what was wrong pretty accurately.
Ikuya tried to avoid Haru, Makoto, Asahi, and Kisumi at school the next day, knowing that they would ask where he was and what had happened. He had hoped that he could avoid them until after school at the swim club as that way they wouldn't have the chance to ask him anything until after the end of the tournament with Sano elementary. Unfortunately, his luck ran out as the bell rang for lunch. He got up to leave the classroom before hearing Asahi's voice call him over. Pretending not to hear him, Ikuya continued walking towards the hallway, however, as he reached the door, Makoto was stood in the doorway, a look of concern on his face. He looked down at Ikuya's face in surprise, his eyes showing sympathy as he noticed the rather large, dark bruise that partially covered Ikuya's face.
"Please talk to us Ikuya," Asahi's voice said quietly from behind him, a drastic change from is usually loud, excited tone.
"We're your friends Ikuya, we were worried about you. You can talk to us about anything," Makoto added. Ikuya's shoulders slumped in defeat. He couldn't hide it now, besides Natsuya probably told them half of what happened anyway. He sighed quietly as he was led over to Haru's desk in the back corner of the room, the surrounding tables already pushed together. A pair of hands gently grabbed his shoulder, guiding him to sit down on one of the chairs.
"Nao-senpai already told us that you ran away from home and that they couldn't find you but...how did you get so many bruises?" Makoto explained to which Ikuya sighed again before taking a deep breath and starting his explanation, leaving out as many details as possible but still explaining briefly what happened.
"Basically I ran away from home and then some guy tried to mug me but someone else came and helped me, it's not a big deal really," Ikuya's words began to speed up towards the end of his sentence as his heart started racing
Not this again...please not now...not here...
"You don't sound fine, Ikuya," Kisumi pointed out. Ikuya choked on his own breath.
No...they'll hate me if I can't swim...I can swim...I can...They can't hate me...Please
"Ikuya!" Makoto's voice called. Ikuya only registered then that he had begun running out of the room and was now Running down the hallway. He didn't stop until he reached the toilets, running into a stall and locking the door behind him, trying to stifle his choked breaths by biting down on his fist.
I have to swim in that tournament today...I can't be the reason they can't practice...I can't...
His gasping breaths did nothing to help his now aching ribs but he couldn't seem to calm down, no matter what he did. It had honestly been a while since he'd had a panic attack this bad. He could usually calm himself down enough to act normally in around fifteen minutes however, it seemed to go on forever as he struggled to catch a breath and force oxygen into his lungs.
I've really messed everything up, why couldn't I of just handled everything better...
The door to the toilets opened and Ikuya bit hard into his hand to silence his panic attack, however, his bad luck continued as there was a knock on the door, a voice soon saying;
"Ikuya? Is that you? It's Haru," The familiar emotionless voice caused Ikuya to choke on the little oxygen he was getting in. He couldn't respond. His voice wouldn't work without breaking.
"Ikuya, I know it's you. Could you open the door?" Ikuya shook his head at Haru's question before realizing he couldn't see him. "The other's aren't with me, they're in the classroom still, I told them to wait there,"
Ikuya hesitated a few more minutes, hoping that Haru would give up and go back to the others, however, after around five minutes or so, Haru spoke up again.
"I know you're having a panic attack, it's okay, I'm not going to laugh at you," The lack of emotion in Haru's voice made it hard for Ikuya to determine the se=incerity however, from what he knew, Haru wasn't the sort of person to laugh at another person's pain or suffering.
Maybe it might not be too bad to open up to him a bit...I hope...
With that thought, Ikuya opened the door, stepping out of the stall and keeping his eyes glued to the floor, avoiding Haru's eyes. He knew his eyes must be red and puffy but there was nothing that he could do about it now, besides, Haru didn't seem too bothered. Haru gently grabbed Ikuya's wist, leading him out of the toilets and onto the school roof. They sat in silence for a moment before Haru spoke up.
"ikuya...I know you've been having panic attacks a lot recently..."
How? I didn't think it was that obvious, now he's going to tell everyone al they'll all hate me...
"I'm fine," Ikuya began, only to be cut off by Haru
"You're not. We've all noticed that you're not okay, even Natsuya-senpai. He feels really bad about pushing you away. We all want to help you though if you'd let us..."
Ikuya looked up at the sky in an attempt to stop the tears that were building in his eyes.
"I'm sorry for worrying everyone...I'll try harder to deal with it better," ikuya mumbled. Haru reached out to touch his arm however, Ikuya flinched away, pulling his arm close to him.
"Ikuya..." Haru didn't know what to say. Ikuya stood up, quickly turning to Haru and saying;
"Please, I just want to be alone for a while, can you please ask the others to not come and find me as well? Please, Haru...?" Ikuya was practically begging at this point and Haru felt guilt run through him, he knew this was a bad idea.
"Okay," Haru agreed before adding "But Ikuya," The smaller boy turned to look at him "Please don't do anything stupid, be safe," Ikuya nodded halfheartedly.
Haru knows you cut yourself, he's clearly disappointed in you, you're a failure...You can't even hide your own feelings right...
"I mean it Ikuya, be safe. You mean a lot to everyone, even Natsuya-senpai, even though it doesn't seem that way..." Haru said as Ikuya reached the door to the roof. Ikuya nodded once again, opening the door and wandering off down the corridor somewhere.
Haru sighed as he watched Ikuya walk away.
"What can we do to help him...? He's already struggling enough, it's only going to get worse..." Haru mumbled to himself as Ikuya disappeared out of sight. He began walking back to their classroom, immediately being bombarded with questions about what happened and about Ikuya's whereabouts.
"We need to do something..." Haru said to the other three boys sat around the table, earning nods and hums in agreement "But what...?"