A/N: Hey, sorry it took so long to get the next update up. I'll definitely try to be faster in the future. Again, be sure to read The. Teal. Rose's "Illusions of Serenity" and Lehrain's "Vigil of Sorrows."
Emulation of Apathy
Chapter XV
"Alone"
…
The small Uchiha scampered around the kitchen, stopping every now and again to stand on his tiptoes to try to see over the counter. When he accidently knocked over a bag of flour, he was moved to the living room, but even there, he was barely able to contain his excitement.
"I'm turning two," the small boy repeated, holding up two fingers to emphasize his point.
"That's right," his older brother gave a nod of his head in response, with a gentle smile in place. He sat beside the child on the couch as they awaited the young Uchiha's birthday dinner.
"Nii-san!" Sasuke's eyes widened suddenly. "What did you do when you turned two?"
"Me?" Itachi lifted his eyes to the ceiling, his expression turning pensive. After a time, however, he proceeded to shrug his shoulders as he replied, "All I can remember of it is the cake."
"What kind of cake was it?" his little brother asked.
"I believe it was vanilla," the Uchiha prodigy gave decisive nod of his head.
"Ohh," Sasuke mused, his onyx gaze darting around the living room, before making its way back to his brother. "Am I having vanilla?"
"Aa," Itachi replied.
"Do you like vanilla, Nii-san?" the child asked.
The older boy's smiled widened, and he again nodded his head. "Very much so. In fact, I do believe it's my favorite."
"Really?" Sasuke grinned. "I wonder if it'll be my favorite."
Before Itachi could respond, their mother entered the living room, her kind smile in place as she glanced between her children. "Sasuke," she addressed her youngest son, and the boy immediately shot to his feet. Mikoto laughed at him, before gesturing toward the kitchen, "Come on, everything's ready."
"Yay!" the child exclaimed, reaching over to grab his older brother's hand and then tug on it. "Did you hear that, Nii-san?! It's ready! Let's go!"
He proceeded to pull his willing brother off the couch and then toward the kitchen, where their father was already seated at the head of the table. As usual, his arms were crossed in front of him, and he wore a frown. Their mother walked into the room behind her children, who she hurriedly shooed to the table, before taking her own seat. The meal passed quickly, and Sasuke filled most of it with excited conversation, until it came time for the cake.
After Mikoto set the cake in front of the small boy and the singing had commenced, Itachi leaned over to remind his little brother, "Don't forget to make a wish, Sasuke."
"A wish?" Sasuke stared at the older boy with a blank expression. "What kind of wish?"
"Any wish," Itachi replied. "Whatever you want. But," here, the boy held up his forefinger in warning, "you can't tell anyone what you wished for, otherwise it might not come true."
"So, it's a secret wish!" the child smiled in excitement.
"Aa," his brother nodded. "A secret wish. You need to keep it in here." At this, Itachi lowered his finger to instead poke his little brother on the forehead, and Sasuke's eyes widened in a start.
"That's right," Mikoto agreed with her oldest son, and she held her finger to her lips. "It needs to be a secret, Sasuke."
"Okay!" Sasuke turned to face his cake, and he pressed his eyes shut. What did he want? What was it is he wished for most? Even as he thought this, however, the answer seemed so obvious, and his eyes opened once more as he glanced around the table at his family.
'For my wish,' he thought, 'I want us all to be together like this, forever!'
He grinned, before leaning forward to blow out his two candles. His mother and brother clapped at his success, and Mikoto then proceeded to cut the cake. As she passed the pieces around the table, Sasuke accepted his eagerly, curious what the vanilla cake tasted like, the one his brother liked so much. He lifted the fork in his hand, broke off a large portion, and then stuck the bite in his mouth.
Sasuke's eyes immediately widened. What was this? It was so…so…
"Blech!" the child spat out the disgusting dessert onto his napkin, but the horrid taste would not go away. He shook his head back and forth, continuing to spit out whatever remained of that terrible sensation. It was gross! How could Itachi like this?!
"What are you doing?" he heard his father ask, his tone one of displeasure, but Sasuke paid it no mind.
He quickly snatched up his plate and turned to his brother, who was staring at him in perplexity. "Here," he told Itachi, handing the plate to him.
"Do you not like it?" his mother asked.
Sasuke shook his head vigorously, scrunching his face up in disgust. "It's gross," he told her.
"That's no reason for such a shameful display," Fugaku stated firmly. "I expect better manners at my table."
"But it tasted bad," the young Uchiha replied, glancing over at his brother, but the disgust returned when he realized Itachi was eating the cake with a pleasant smile. "Eww! Nii-san, how are you eating that?!"
Itachi glanced over at him with a confused look, and Sasuke cringed at the sight of icing on his brother's upper lip. With a shrug, his older brother replied, "It's all a matter of opinion, Sasuke. As I said, vanilla is my favorite, and I do rather like cake."
"A little too much, maybe," Mikoto laughed, leaning across the table to wipe the icing from the boy's mouth.
"Again?" Itachi released a sigh. "How does that happen, every time?"
"Don't worry," Mikoto shot her son a playful wink. "I think it's cute."
Sasuke shook his head at the whole ordeal, frowning down at the contemptible food on his older brother's plate. "Nii-san…"
"Yes, Sasuke?" the older boy glanced over at his brother with a curious brow arched.
"I don't like vanilla," Sasuke informed him. As his eyes wandered back over the tray in front of him, however, he shook his head in response to his own words. It was not just the vanilla. It was the cake. In which case, it was decided. "I hate cake."
"Oh, dear," his mother mused, worry lacing her tone. "I suppose I'll just have to make something else on your birthday. At least, until you start to like it."
"Okay," her son nodded, but, even as he said it, his dark eyes were locked on the dessert. It was gross. He didn't want it ever again. No matter what his mother said, he knew he would never, ever like cake.
…
His older brother was pulling him into a hug.
"Just because we're celebrating our birthday on the same day, it doesn't mean your birthday isn't still July 23rd," Itachi's voice rang in his ear. "Your birthday is unique to you, just like mine is to me."
…
Sunlight streamed in through the window, and he furrowed his brow, pressing his eyes shut tighter in attempt to block it out. But, as always, any such struggle proved futile. He turned over in bed, burying his face in his pillow, but he already knew there would be no point. He was already awake, and falling asleep again now would be quite an endeavor. Besides, as long as he was up, he might as well start his training, especially since there was no doubt in his mind that Orochimaru was already awake and waiting for him.
July 23rd.
Two years and three months.
If he looked at it in those terms, perhaps it would be simpler. After all, it was just another day, and if he lingered too much on thoughts centered on this particular date, it was bound to affect him. And he was tired of allowing himself to be affected by everything.
He waited a few minutes longer, enjoying whatever small comfort this bed could give him, before forcing himself to a sitting position. His dark gaze wandered to the window, and he rolled his eyes at the lack of curtains. Even if Kabuto was not in the room kicking him awake, he had found some means to annoy the hell out of him in the morning. No matter. Sasuke threw his blanket off and rested his feet on the cold, stone floor. He crossed the room and, once again, found himself gazing dully into his reflection in the large bathroom mirror.
As he lifted his hand to his ebony hair, he grabbed the nearest strand and pulled it down…
…
"Goodness, Sasuke!" his mother exclaimed. "I don't know what to do about your hair! No matter what I do, it just sticks out!"
…
When Sasuke released the strand, it immediately shot back up. Just as it always had. A small smile was forming at the corner of his mouth, but he shook his head, forcing that voice to the back of his mind and then turning his back to the mirror. It would not do to dwell on that, either. He instead walked over to the shower.
Before long, he was making his way down the long hallway toward this hideout's kitchen. His eyes wandered to his right, and he focused his blank stare on the long window that ran along the wall, overlooking the dense forest. This hideout was another of Kabuto's choosing, and, as could only be expected from that predictable moron, it was a hideout nestled deep in the woods. It was rather fortunate for these idiots that they did not associate with many outsiders, because, if they did, a pattern could be found in almost anything they did. What seemed quite random to most was actually well within the parameters of both of their personal preferences.
Upon entering the kitchen, the Uchiha found himself a little surprised that he was greeted not by Kabuto, but by Orochimaru. In fact, the medic was nowhere to be seen. Of course, it was just as well. He was actually quite relieved at the prospect that he would be free of that moron's presence a little longer than usual today.
"Sasuke-kun," the Sannin greeted from his seat at the head of the table, snapping his book shut. "Good morning. Well…what small amount of the morning we have left. If you consider this morning. Whatever it is, I hope it's good."
Sasuke responded by awarding the man a slight nod of his head, not even bothering to glance in his direction as he made his way to the cupboard. He grabbed a mug and the jasmine tea, turned the burner on to heat up the kettle, and then prepared the teapot. As he waited for the water to boil, he turned to lean his back against the counter and face the Snake Master.
"Today is the 23rd, correct?" the older shinobi mused. "How are you enjoying your birthday so far?"
"It's fine," the Uchiha gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. Not that he had done anything. Did Orochimaru not realize he had just woken up?
"Excellent," Orochimaru nodded. "As soon as you're finished with your breakfast, we'll head to the training facility. I've given Kabuto clear instructions not to interrupt unless necessary."
Necessary, huh? Knowing Kabuto, he could make an argument for any interruption to be necessary. And, considering what day it was, he had a feeling the idiot would definitely be willing to bend the rules a little if it meant annoying him in some way. He was such a vindictive little piece of shit.
It was not long before the kettle whistled, and this prompted Orochimaru to return to his book. He flipped it open to the marked page, his attention now completely absorbed in the volume's contents, and Sasuke turned to take the kettle off the burner. As he poured the hot water into the teapot, the sweet aroma hit him like a slap in the face…
…
"Nii-san…what are you drinking?"
"This?" his brother asked, indicating his cup. "Tea. It helps keep me awake."
"What kind?" the boy's eyes were wide in curiosity.
"Jasmine."
…
"When you get back, you should wake me up, and we can drink jasmine tea together."
…
"As I recall," Orochimaru's voice was low, raspy, "jasmine tea was a particular favorite…of Uchiha Itachi."
…
Sasuke slammed the kettle down, pressing his eyes shut and shaking all those stupid thoughts from his mind. He again turned his back to the counter, only to find that Orochimaru had lifted his head from the book and was awarding him a curious stare, clearly in response to the most recent disturbance.
"Everything alright, Sasuke-kun?" he asked, and Sasuke could not tell if it was confusion or amusement lining his tone.
"Fine," the Uchiha drawled, forcing the fridge door open and leaning down behind it to avoid that snake bastard's stare. He took a deep breath, allowing the chill in the temperature to waft over him, before snatching an apple and closing the fridge once more.
The Sannin looked unconvinced, but he did not press the issue. Rather, he returned his attention to his book, and Sasuke dropped his gaze to the floor. He really needed to pull himself together. This was proving to be a very bad start to the day, even if he avoided those particular contemplations focused on his birthday.
Oh well. Perhaps training would be a better distraction.
"Sasuke-kun."
A slight pause followed, but it was almost immediately followed by another.
"Sasuke-kun."
So annoying…
"Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun. Are you busy? He must be."
"He's not," a raspy voice replied.
"Well, I just assumed he was busy because he's not responding."
"He's not busy. He's just ignoring you, Kabuto."
At that, Sasuke almost found himself tempted to smirk. Without fail, every time Orochimaru reprimanded that idiot, it was always so very amusing. Especially the dumbfounded look on the moron's face. At this point, Kabuto should be used to these reproaches, but, for some reason, his precious master always managed to shock him. He really was an idiot.
No matter. The Uchiha pressed his eyes shut a moment, drew a steady intake of breath, before letting his eyes fly open once more as he concentrated his chakra on the blade. Kabuto was complaining to Orochimaru about something, but Sasuke purposefully took it upon himself to pay as little heed to their words as possible. That idiot Genin was really getting on his nerves. The Chidori was taking shape, and, at this, the boy focused his chakra at his soles and kicked off the ground. He slashed the lightning infused blade against each target, and, upon landing, he immediately deactivated the Chidori.
"Sasuke-kun!"
"Kabuto, what do you want?" Orochimaru snapped, and Sasuke glanced over to see the Sannin glaring at his medic.
"It's of a very important matter, one which our dear young Sasuke-kun should take a very adamant interest," Kabuto insisted, his gaze never once wandering from the boy in question.
"If it's anything you have to say, I highly doubt it's important," Sasuke drawled in response.
The moron's mouth fell agape in obvious offense, and he proceeded to shake his head at the boy. "There's no need for such rudeness. I am here for you, after all. I am going out of my way to prepare your party, the very least you can do is give me some feedback."
"Party?" the Uchiha furrowed his brow in perplexity. "What party?"
"The party we're holding tonight!" Kabuto threw his hands in the air. "Orochimaru-sama, I don't know what to do with him! It's as if he doesn't listen to a word I say."
"Observant, as always…dear Kabuto," Orochimaru's mouth turned in an amused smile. "But, yes," here, the Snake Master turned his yellow gaze on the young Uchiha, "your party, Sasuke-kun. We're celebrating it tonight, after all."
"Celebrating what?" Sasuke asked.
"Do you not know what day it is?" the Genin released a condescending laugh. "It's July 23rd. You told me that was your birthday, after all. I wrote it down for future reference, and so, we're going to be celebrating your birthday tonight."
Sasuke rolled his eyes, turning his head to face away from Kabuto as he stated dryly, "That's not necessary."
"Oh, but it is," Kabuto immediately disagreed. "Didn't I tell you from the very beginning that we celebrate everyone's birthday parties? Well…everyone important, that is."
"I don't need one," Sasuke gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.
"Regardless, you're having one," the medic-nin stated. "Now then, is there anything specific you would like for this party of yours? That is, after all, the reason I'm here."
"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want a birthday party?" the Uchiha rounded on the idiot with a glare. "Is it so hard to get it through your thick skull? Now, why don't you run along and make yourself useful? Perhaps you can kill another bee."
When Kabuto gave his predicted shocked response, Orochimaru turned to the boy with a pleasant smile, "Sasuke-kun, a party is necessary. I won't have you going through a single birthday with us uncelebrated. It's just not proper. Etiquette dictates that we, as your caretakers, arrange it for you. That being said, what Kabuto is doing is useful."
Since when were they his caretakers?
"I am here for you to train me," Sasuke focused his glower on the Snake Master. "That's all. Anything else is a waste of time."
"How absurd," Orochimaru released a throaty chuckle. "Life cannot be enjoyed in that manner. You must set aside the time to enjoy it. In fact, if there is nothing else to your life, if you don't fill it with amusement from time to time, I have to tell you that you're not even living. Merely surviving."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. Surviving, huh?
…
His older brother was standing in front of him. On all sides of the street, they were surrounded by the lifeless bodies of their clan members. Fresh tears were still streaming down Sasuke's face. Uchiha Itachi turned his back to the child, his expression one of disdain.
"Foolish little brother," he told him. "If you wish to kill me, then hate me, detest me, and survive in an unsightly way. Run, and keep running, and cling to your pathetic life."
…
Survive…in an unsightly way…
Is that what Itachi had meant, by telling him to survive? He really did want him to live in the most repugnant, despicable manner possible, didn't he? He wanted him to be a pathetic coward who lived each and every day in suffering. He wanted to hold that power over him. Well, Sasuke had already decided that he was determined to not let that bastard have his way, and this was just one of the many things Itachi assumed he could get. Perhaps, just perhaps, Orochimaru was right about this. In a strange, inadvertent way, perhaps it was yet another means by which he could get back at that man for what he had done.
He glanced between the idiots, still a little uncertain, but he was determined to keep any such signs from his expression. He focused his dark stare on the Snake Master and drawled, "Fine. We can have a damn party."
"Excellent, Sasuke-kun!" Orochimaru's disgusting, elongated tongue protruded between his jagged teeth as he licked his lips.
"Now that that's settled," the moronic Genin gave Sasuke a pointed look, "are you wanting anything specific?"
Specific? Like what? If Kabuto meant a color scheme, then the only thing that came to his mind was that he did not want anything to be lilac. But, he had a feeling that was not what the idiot was asking him. Therefore, he proceeded to offer a slight shrug of his shoulders.
"I don't care," he informed the medic.
"Oh," Kabuto's brow furrowed, but he quickly waved it away. "I'll just come up with something, then."
"I do believe that would be best, Kabuto," Orochimaru nodded to the imbecile. "After all, no one can plan parties quite like you can."
Sasuke held back the scoff, even as the idiot smiled in gratitude and accepted his master's compliment. There were so many different ways such a phrase could be taken, and it led the young Uchiha to wonder what exactly Orochimaru meant when he said it. In a way, it could even be seen as insulting. Not that Kabuto would ever see that, not from his beloved master, but Orochimaru truly did have a knack for putting people in their place and just saying things for what they were. It was almost refreshing, especially in regards to a certain moron.
As he watched Kabuto leave the vicinity, Sasuke considered the matter. Perhaps a party was not such a bad idea, after all.
What the hell had he been thinking?!
A party was a terrible idea. A stupid, ridiculous, terrible idea. How had he let Orochimaru talk him into this? He should have known better. And letting Kabuto plan anything was easily the worst move he could have possibly made in this whole ordeal. The idiot had invited quite a crowd, almost as many people as had been present at Kabuto's own party. There had not been too many birthdays Sasuke had celebrated, but he had definitely never had this many people present at any of them. They were usually small get-togethers with a few people from his clan. This was just…absurd.
Allowing that moronic medic to cook the meal had been another bad move. It was completely inedible, though everyone else seemed to be stomaching it just fine. Maybe they threw it up later. Maybe that was Orochimaru's trick to being able to eat so many of Kabuto's meals. But then…oh, who the hell knew? The point was that the food was disgusting. If only he could make his own damn meal, but it was difficult to get away to do anything. He felt smothered in all directions.
Apparently, the fact that he was Orochimaru's pupil made him something of a celebrity amongst this stupid crowd, though he suspected it also had something to do with the fact that he was the one who had been chosen to be the Sannin's future vessel. What the hell was the matter with these people, anyway? How was it even possible for such a position to be coveted?
But then…they were people who lived in association with Orochimaru and Kabuto. There really was no questioning that they were all insane, too.
Presently, he was sitting at the head of the table in the large dining room, and to one side sat the Snake Master, with his trusty medic opposite him. The Uchiha knew no one else bustling around the table, and he responded to none of their inquiries. For that matter, he was purposefully trying his best to drown them all out. When a certain moron's voice boomed in his ear, however, it was difficult to force the words from reaching him.
"I must say, I'm surprised Shuuhei didn't show," the idiot was musing.
"That is weird," someone responded. "Has anyone seen him?"
"Shuuhei-san?" another piped in. "I'm pretty sure he had a mission."
"Ahh," Kabuto nodded his head in understanding. "That's right. He's the one we sent to retrieve the newts."
"Dear Kabuto, I daresay you sent him on that mission yourself," his master reminded him, and one of the Sannin's subordinates released a laugh in response.
"Well, in any case, the mission takes precedence," the idiot waved this off.
Sasuke felt his eyes narrow into a glare, which he turned from Kabuto to instead fix his gaze on the table, and he resisted the scowl that threatened at the corners of his mouth. He could hear that moron laughing, his usual obnoxious laugh, before speaking again. He always had more to say, didn't he?
"He was right to not come."
…
"Kaa-san…"
Mikoto's dark eyes immediately rose to rest on her son, and she offered him a kind smile. "Yes, Sasuke?"
"When…," the child hesitated, his gaze wandering to the floor, and he could feel his mouth turning in a pout. "Um…do you know when Tou-san will be back from his mission?"
His mother released a quiet sigh, and she set the kitchen utensils down to instead cross the room and take a seat on the floor beside the boy. Her smile returned, and she placed a hand on her son's shoulder in a comforting manner, "Don't worry, Sasuke. I'm sure he'll be back for your party tonight."
"Are you sure?" the young Uchiha focused his onyx stare on his mother, and the woman immediately nodded her head.
"Your father wouldn't miss your birthday," she assured him. "Of course, if he is late, I'm sure he'll have a good reason. It's an important mission, after all."
"So…you're not sure," Sasuke concluded.
"Don't worry," his mother repeated, her smile still in place, before giving him a slight pat on the back. "Now, run along. I'll let you know when I'm finished making dinner."
"Okay," the boy gave a slight inclination of his head, pushing himself to his feet and then slowly making his way out of the kitchen.
He did not get far, however, and he soon found himself sitting outside on the porch in the backyard, kicking his feet back and forth, with his gaze fixed on the ground beneath him. Try though she might, his mother had not succeeded in her attempt to reassure him. Somehow, he had known, as soon as he had learned his father had been assigned a mission on this particular day, that the man would not be back in time. For his father, missions took precedence, above everything else, and a birthday party for his younger son was of little consequence.
The child released a quiet sigh, letting his head fall, and he forced his legs to halt in their repetitious motion. His father always forgot him. There had not been a single one of Itachi's birthdays, as far back as Sasuke could remember, that Fugaku had ever been absent. And yet, here he was, turning five-years-old, and his father was gone. Away, on some mission.
He knew what his father did was important, that it was important for the clan and for Konoha. He was the head of the police squad, after all. His father was an important person. And yet…and yet, no matter how much he reminded himself of this fact, he could not help but feel disappointed by his absence. He could not help but feel…upset.
"Sasuke?"
The young Uchiha lifted his head, turning to rest his eyes on his brother, who he found standing beside him. The older boy's brow was furrowed in concern.
"Hey, Nii-san," Sasuke managed halfheartedly.
His expression must have said it all, because Itachi did not need any further incitement before he took a seat on the porch beside his little brother and offered him a small smile. His eyes drifted about the yard, but he soon brought them to rest on the amber sky overhead.
"Tou-san isn't back yet," Itachi guessed, his voice calm and understanding.
Sasuke hesitated a moment, but there really was no point in avoiding the truth. After all, his brother already knew. Therefore, the child proceeded to give a slight shake of his head in response.
They sat in silence, a silence it seemed neither were too eager to break, but, even in the silence, the young Uchiha could tell why his brother had come outside. Why he had decided to sit with him, instead of simply letting him be. Itachi must have known that, just by providing his company, even if nothing was said, his presence said enough. He was here. He was here for his little brother. Just like always.
Though it was not enough to take his mind off his father, or enough to cheer him up completely, it was enough to bring a small smile to the child's face, and he lifted his dark eyes to rest on his older brother. Itachi was still staring up at the sky. He had that typical, peaceful expression in place.
"Nii-san?"
The older Uchiha lowered his eyes to meet his brother's gaze, "Yes?"
"Do you…," Sasuke trailed off momentarily, and his smile faded, but he gave a decisive nod of his head. "Do you think a mission is more important…than family?"
A soft smile formed, and Itachi again lifted his dark gaze to the sky. "A mission is important," he stated. "As is family. However, a person's values should take precedence above all else. If there is any conflict between these, the right action should be determined, and then executed. In which case, the importance of one might vary."
The child stared up at his older brother in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Well," Itachi released a soft chuckle, "you asked for my opinion on the matter, didn't you? If faced with a circumstance in which I must choose," he lowered his eyes and focused that kind smile on the boy beside him, "…my little brother is always more important."
Sasuke's eyes widened. "Really?"
"Aa," his older brother gave a slight nod. "Really."
…
As fate would have it, it seemed, the very next year, a mission had been assigned to the great prodigy, and would fall on his little brother's birthday. And, holding true to his word thus far, or, rather, for the sake of keeping up that desired appearance of portraying the perfect older brother, he had refused the mission. Of course, their father had given him quite a lecture, about how important he was, how important it was to take on these missions, for the sake of the Uchiha reputation, but Itachi had not changed his decision. Fugaku had been quite put out the whole day. It was not as though he was willing to miss a mission for something as insignificant as his youngest son's birthday, so, clearly, if anyone else did such a disgraceful thing, he would have absolutely no tolerance for it.
Not that it mattered…
Not that any of it mattered…
No matter how terrible any past birthdays had seemed at the time, no matter who was absent or who was upset, every one of them had been the best he had ever celebrated. They had been before everything had happened, back when he was still naïve, back when his biggest problem was the fact that his father had chosen Itachi as his favorite son. If only things had stayed that simple…
The Uchiha was immediately shaken from his contemplations when a certain moron bumped into him as he was getting up to leave the table. Kabuto, of course, offered that pleasant smile of his, accompanied by the customary apology, before turning and continuing on his way out of the dining room.
Dumbass.
Sasuke rolled his eyes, tempted to just leave the room himself, but any such desires were shattered when the medic returned to the table, carrying a large cake. Fourteen candles lined the surface, and the Genin seemed quite pleased with his work. In fact, based on the far left side of the cake, it was apparent the young man had already snuck a bit of icing.
"Happy birthday, Sasuke-kun," Kabuto turned his full attention on the young Uchiha, a vindictive smile overtaking his expression.
Before the shinobi even had a chance to snap back a retort, the whole room divulged in singing, and Sasuke could feel his eye twitching. Why the hell had that moron made a cake? He had specifically told him, time and again, that he hated sweets. Did he purposefully find ways to annoy him? Maybe that's what he was always writing in that damn notebook of his. How he could possibly aggravate Sasuke-kun this time.
He felt the imbecile give him a hard slap on the back, as he urged the boy, "Make a wish, Sasuke-kun."
…
"You know, teme, you're supposed to make a wish when you look at the stars."
They were lying in the grass, both staring up at the starlit sky overhead. Kakashi was on watch, and, a little ways off, Sakura's sleeping form was nestled near the campfire. Naruto had been having trouble falling asleep and had therefore proceeded to wake Sasuke as well. The blond was currently grinning up at the night sky.
The Uchiha released a quiet chuckle, shaking his head at the idiot. "That's only when you see a falling star, dobe."
"That doesn't matter, dattebayo," his teammate's voice boomed beside him.
He really did have no sense of volume, did he? There Sakura was, trying to sleep, and Naruto was still shouting. Oh well. It was not as though he ever took notice of his surroundings, why should Sasuke expect him to do so now?
"Because," Naruto continued, "I'm going to become Hokage. That's my wish. I don't need a falling star. It's going to come true no matter what."
There he went again, rambling on about being Hokage. He really did believe that, didn't he?
"Wasn't that your dream?" Sasuke drawled.
"You're right, teme," the boy beside him began laughing. "I guess they ended up being the same thing because there's nothing else I could think of that I want. However, if I wished for something else, it would be…," he trailed off a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice had taken a more serious tone, "to know my parents, dattebayo."
Sasuke's eyes widened at this, but he immediately forced any sign of change from his expression. Perhaps Naruto's head was not always as up in the clouds as the other boy let on. Or perhaps…when it came to a subject like this, perhaps Sasuke was the one who was being more foolish than usual.
The silence continued between them for a while, but, as always, Naruto was the one who broke it. "What's your wish, teme?" he asked, turning to him as his grin returned. "Or is it the same as your dream?"
His dream…
"Also, I have an ambition that I have no intention to leave as just a dream. The revival of my clan, and to…kill a certain man."
Sasuke did not respond. Naruto was still staring at him, with that happy grin plastered across his face, and the Uchiha proceeded to tear his eyes off those damn stars and turn on his side, his back to blissful boy. It did not take long before the blond started laughing.
"That's alright," his cheerful voice rang out. "You don't have to tell me, dattebayo. As long as there's something you wish for, that's fine, dattebayo."
"For my wish, I want us all to be together like this, forever!"
His brow creased, and he let his hair fall in front of his face, before he whispered quietly, "No."
"Huh?" Naruto's confusion dripped from his tone.
Holding back the sigh, Sasuke repeated, "No." He hesitated a moment, before explaining, "My wish isn't the same as my dream, Naruto."
"That's good, teme," excitement returned to the other boy's voice. "Wishes and dreams…they should be different. A wish can be anything, even if it's not possible. Why not wish for the impossible and save your dreams for reality?"
"Wish for the impossible, huh?" the young Uchiha mused. How was it that, so inadvertently, and with no idea where Sasuke's mind fell, Naruto always managed to hit the mark so perfectly? The impossible was exactly what he wished for, because it was impossible to return to the past, and it was only in the past where there was anything worth wishing for.
He pressed his eyes shut, before mumbling, "Yeah, that's probably true."
…
The impossible wish. What was the point of wishing for the impossible? If that was all a wish was supposed to be, then what was the point of even wishing? It would never come true. No matter how many times a person made that impossible wish, there was nothing that would ever change. Because the impossible was just that: impossible.
Sasuke snapped to his feet, walking away from that moron's shocked expression, the Sannin's fascinated gaze, and all those other idiotic bastards who were staring at him. This was stupid. This whole thing was stupid. He slammed the dining room door shut behind him and made his way down the long hallway. He pressed his eyes shut, running his hand along the surface of the glass window that encompassed the wall. He could still hear that idiot Genin's obnoxious voice from behind the closed door, and from the tone, it sounded like he was complaining about something.
Well, good. He could complain all he wanted. There was no possible way Sasuke could care less.
Why did he have to make that stupid cake, anyway?
Even as he thought this, however, a certain morning flashed to the forefront of the boy's mind. They were at that bunker hideout, sitting around the kitchen table. Kabuto was writing something on his scroll, and Orochimaru…was eating something, though he could not seem to remember what. Not that it mattered. They had asked about his birthday, and he had told them he hated cake…
…
"No cake, then," the idiot declared. With a tsk, he remarked, "Well, that will be a depressing party. Orochimaru-sama, do you think we should make cake for the rest of us, and just give Sasuke-kun something else?"
…
"Do you like cake, Sasuke-kun?"
He did not even bother to avert his gaze to face the pinkette beside him. She had spotted him and taken it upon herself to walk with him for some time, now. Currently, they were passing a bakery, and she had inhaled the aroma before turning to him with that obnoxious, inquisitive smile.
"Why?" he asked dryly.
The girl offered a slight shrug of her shoulders, "I wanted to make up for last year, so I was planning on giving you a cake."
A cake? There really was no occasion in which a cake would ever be appropriate to give him. This girl was so stupid. Why did he have to get paired with her on his team? She was useless. And what was she talking about? Why did she always word everything to make it as vague as possible?
"What happened last year?" he arched a single brow.
"Your birthday, Sasuke-kun," Sakura released a high-pitched giggle. "They come every year, and it's important to celebrate them."
Sasuke's dark eyes narrowed into a glare. Who the hell was he supposed to celebrate them with? It wasn't as if he had anyone. Besides, what was so important about them, anyway?
"That's why it's been bothering me that I didn't get you a present," the annoying girl rambled on. "Of course, I never gave you one before, but I wanted to change that and ended up forgetting."
Of course she was had forgotten. She was a stupid, frivolous girl, with nothing on her mind but giggling with her annoying friends and chasing after boys. That was what she lived for. Besides, everyone had always forgotten about him before, why should this nuisance bother to remember?
"Well," she smiled again, blissful in her own stupid world, "even if I didn't give you a gift, I'm sure you still had a good birthday."
A good birthday? How could he possibly have a good birthday?
Finally, Sakura said the one thing that managed to push him over the edge, "They are called memorable days for a reason."
He immediately halted in his steps, and he clenched his hands into fists at his side. She had finally stopped speaking, had finally shut her damn mouth, and was now turning to face him with a confused expression in place.
"What the hell do you know about my birthday?" he snapped. This girl had no idea, had no right to stand there rambling on about something she could never understand. "Out of all the shit you just said," Sasuke remarked bitterly, "the only thing I agree with…is that they are memorable."
Sakura's façade was blank. She was so dense. So carefree. So blissfully unaware.
"Every single birthday has been…," the Uchiha could feel his eyes widening, could feel the anger welling up inside him, "…memorable."
He wanted to lash out at her, to let his fist fly at her for calling those damn memories to the surface. But it wasn't her fault. She was just stupid. She didn't know anything. He turned abruptly, immediately putting distance between them and making his way in the opposite direction.
It wasn't her fault. It was his. Everything was his fault. It always was.
Under his breath, Sasuke muttered, "And it's all because of that bastard."
…
He slammed the door shut behind him and turned the lock. He was in no mood to see any of those morons for the rest of the night. After crossing his room, he fell into bed, his face buried in his pillow, and he pressed his eyes shut. He did not want to think about that. He had been trying to suppress it all day, but, as always seemed to be the case, his mind was determined to turn against him. Since he had purposefully been trying to avoid that memory, it had decided to plague him with others. After all, he had plenty to choose from.
He should have just stayed in bed today. It would have been simpler that way. Things Kabuto had said, things he had done, things Orochimaru had said…hell, even making himself tea this morning—it had been all it took to call forth yet another stupid, pointless recollection.
That day with Sakura, after he had walked away from her, he had made his way to the opposite side of town. Granted, the girl had followed him, but he had caused her to halt when he called her pathetic and chastised her for something she had done to Naruto earlier that day. From there, he had made his way to the Uchiha Compound. He walked through the deserted streets, aimlessly, as he had many times.
Sasuke tightened his hand in a fist against his hold on the pillow. He needed to stop this. He needed to stop letting everything affect him. He didn't want to think of that. But, no matter what he told himself, no matter how hard he closed his fist, it was not enough.
He had many memorable birthdays. Many unpleasant ones. But there was one birthday, one in particular, that stood out against all the others. It had been the year he had turned eight years old. His seventh birthday was the very last one he had spent with his family, and it was easily the best he could remember. But his eighth birthday…
His eighth birthday had been when he awoke in a hospital bed the next morning…
…
It had seemed so vivid, so real. The last he could remember, he was collapsing in the middle of the street. But that was a dream. It couldn't have been real. It couldn't have been.
He had the same cut, though. It was on his left shoulder. They had bandaged it.
Why had he been in the hospital?
Those nurses…they had said the Uchiha clan had fallen, they had said Itachi's whereabouts were unknown. They had said he was the sole survivor, the only one who had been spared. But, it couldn't be real. Itachi couldn't have done that, it wasn't possible.
He was rushing through the streets, running home. He had to confirm it for himself. He had to prove them wrong. He took the familiar turn, down the deserted path, until finally, finally he reached the compound.
Sasuke came to a stop, leaning forward, resting his hands against his knees as he panted heavily, trying to catch his breath. He furrowed his brow in determination, pulled himself together, before lifting his dark gaze to rest on the entrance. Yellow police tape was strapped across the front of it, and a rope had been placed along the bottom, attached to two orange cones on either side of the arch. The child collected himself, before stepping forward, ducking beneath the yellow tape and stepping over the rope.
He walked inside slowly and did not venture far, before glancing to either side. When his eyes fell upon the bakery, he was immediately greeted by the voice of his aunt. She was smiling at him, that usual, self-satisfied smile, and his uncle was sitting beside her, a newspaper held open.
"Hey, Sasuke-chan. What have you come to buy today?"
He could feel an excited grin spread across his face, but it immediately flashed to disappointment when he realized…it wasn't real. There was no one standing outside of the shop. It was vacant. A basket had been knocked over. It had just been his imagination, playing tricks on him, remembering the manner in which he was so often greeted by that woman.
The street was…entirely empty. There was not a person in sight. There was not even a remnant of the bodies he had seen from the night before. They had already been cleared away. The place was deserted.
He was…alone.
The young Uchiha heard a subtle drip in the surface of the body of water beside him. And another. In no time at all, the drizzle transformed into a steady downpour, and the child lifted his eyes to the dark sky overhead. He had not noticed before. Had not realized those storm clouds. He had been too worried about what the nurses had said, had been too focused on proving them wrong, on seeing for himself.
On proving it had only been a dream.
Sasuke took a step forward, slowly placing one foot in front of the other, taking to the familiar path he had taken every day on his way home. As he lethargically moved passed Teyaki's bakery, he could hear an exchange within his head.
"Why does auntie have to come over tonight?"
"She's family, Sasuke. I want you to be on your best behavior."
"But, Kaa-san…you don't like her, either."
"I like your aunt perfectly fine. After all, she's family. We respect and love family, no matter who they are."
His mother's voice was suddenly replaced by another, a much more animated, younger voice.
"So…any idea when the storm is supposed to roll through?"
"Are you talking about auntie?"
He could see his aunt again. She had stopped him on his way to school, she was sweeping the bakery entrance, and had paused to offer her nephew a smile.
"Sasuke-chan. Are you going to school, now?"
"Yep."
"I just met with Itachi-chan earlier. He's become a fine man. He's a first class shinobi now. He graduated head of the class from the Academy at age seven. Then he became a Chuunin at age ten."
"He was able to use the Sharingan at age eight."
"You're right. He's the pride of the Uchiha clan, that child."
In that moment, all other voices faded, and it was suddenly Itachi's that resonated in his mind…
"Sometimes, there are people close to you who you might not agree with and who frustrate you, but that does not change that they are close to you."
"So, it's like Kaa-san said. We have to love her because she's family."
"That's a good way of explaining it. And that's why, even though they argue with her, everyone still spends time with her."
"But, if she wasn't family, we wouldn't have to."
"No, I suppose we wouldn't. But, then…if everyone got along, it wouldn't be as amusing, would it?"
Sasuke paused in his steps, lifting his head from the ground, and turned to his right. He suddenly realized how far he had been walking, and he turned around, glancing back down the path. It did not change anything, though. No matter how many times he looked back over the street, no matter what voices he heard in his head, no one appeared. None of the figures in his mind morphed into anything of substance.
He stared out over the deserted street a moment longer, before turning, taking the final turn, and moving slowly until he finally came to a stop outside his house. In that moment, a rumble of thunder shook the ground, and the child could not help but instinctively cringe in response. However, as the storm ensued, he could feel his own thoughts drowning it out. He did not hear another crash. He merely stared silently, unmoving, at his front door.
He hesitated, before extending his hand and slowly sliding the door open. He stared into the empty house, glancing first to his right, and then to his left, but there was no one. The small child took a step inside, out of the rain, and, suddenly, his mother's smiling face appeared in front of him.
"Welcome home, Sasuke."
The Uchiha could feel a smile slowly overtaking his expression, but it faded the instant he realized…this wasn't real, either. His mother was not standing in the entrance, waiting for him, ready to welcome him when he returned. There was no one. The house, like the street outside, was empty.
He lowered his gaze and slipped his shoes off his feet, before stepping into the main area of the house. Glancing aside to his right, he peered into the laundry room, to the pile of clothes atop the dryer. A few had been placed in the basket. His mother had not finished folding them.
The child stepped passed the room, making his way outside, to the porch. His gaze was fixed on the ground. He let his feet carry him, paying little heed to the direction he was taking. It was strange, walking across the porch, his house empty. It was never empty. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was still expecting someone to appear, to suddenly walk past him on the porch. He could almost see his father's figure, glancing down at him briefly with his usual frown. As he turned, taking a stop in the doorway, it was if his mother was calling to him, asking him to wait.
She often did that. When he had been practicing his fire technique, she had applied ointment to heal the burns on his face. And, as always, that kind smile had overtaken her entire countenance.
Before Sasuke realized it, he found himself smiling at the memory.
There was a crash. The sound had come from the kitchen. The child's eyes widened immediately, and he rushed through the house, making a dash for the room. He thrust the door open, and shouted desperately, "Kaa-san!"
With a sudden flash of lightning, however, he was shaken from any such thoughts. It was a cat. A black cat was standing on the counter, meowing viciously at him, before turning and hopping out the open window. The child's wide eyes lowered, and his determined stance relaxed in disappointment.
The cat…it brought forth a different image. One of a young girl walking back and forth along the beach, or hurrying beside him with a large book held firmly in her arms.
"Nii-san…"
"What is it, Sasuke?"
"If I have friends, does it mean I'll get to spend less time with you?"
"A few friends won't get in the way."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
The child averted his stare from the window, instead glancing around the kitchen. He could see his mother standing at the sink, washing dishes, smiling over at him. He could hear his own, exasperated voice ringing out.
"Then why does he only look at Nii-san?!"
"Your Nii-san is your Nii-san. You are you. Your Tou-san always thinks about the both of you."
Sasuke's brow furrowed. His mother was always in the kitchen. She would always shoo him away when she prepared his birthday dinner, always surprising him with some new concoction in place of a cake. It was in that moment that the child realized today was July 23rd. Today was his birthday. His dark eyes wandering over the stove, he wondered what his mother had been planning to prepare for him this year. If it would have been better than last year's.
His older brother was suddenly smiling at him. That same, kind smile as his mother's.
"Your birthday is unique to you, just like mine is to me."
Nii-san and Kaa-san…they were both telling him the same thing. He was different. He was not his brother. No matter how much his father would compare him to Itachi, both his mother and brother had constantly been telling him, all of his life, that he should strive to be unique. To be his own person.
Sasuke found his eyes wandering over the sink. The faucet was still dripping. His mother had not turned the handle all the way. She was sometimes negligent of such things. He managed a small smile, before turning and leaving the kitchen. There was one room…one room he needed to see.
The thunder continued to rumble outside, and with each angry crash, he could feel himself stiffen. He stopped outside the door, outside his parents' room, and could almost hear an exchange with his father.
"Can I sleep in here?"
"You're scared of a little thunderstorm? That's shameful. Do you think your brother was ever scared of a little rain?"
The young Uchiha bit his bottom lip, hesitating a moment, before pushing the door open. The room, like every other part of the house, was vacant. As his eyes swept over the area, however, he paused. There, his brother had stood, the pale moonlight streaming in through the window, revealing his features. There, he had stood over the lifeless bodies of their parents.
The child stepped forward, slowly forcing one foot in front of the other, until he finally came to a stop beside the place where his parents had lay. A white, chalk outline had been made of their bodies. From the outline, it was apparent they had been left to lie in a mangled heap. Their bloodstains were all that remained.
His aunt, with her prying smile and self-satisfied way of carrying herself…
His uncle would always call her out on it, and would almost immediately take it upon himself to reassure the child…
Shisui had always grinned, hopped off whatever new height he had decided to perch on, would salute to the pair of them and then begin an animate conversation with Itachi…
His father, that frown of his…the way he always crossed his arms in front of him. How he always looked so grumpy…
His mother, that sweet smile of hers…her kind voice…she had always gone out of her way to cheer him up, to patch him up when he injured himself…always in the kitchen making the next meal, in the laundry room washing their clothes, roaming through the house just to make sure everyone was alright…
He could feel a stinging sensation welling up in his eyes. He could not hold it back this time. The tears streamed freely down his face, and Sasuke fell to his knees in front of the chalk outline of his parents.
There was a sudden, angry crash of thunder.
"Nii-san?"
"What is it, Sasuke?"
"I don't feel as scared when you're around."
"Aa…same here."
But Itachi was not around. He was gone. He had vanished, without a trace. After killing their parents, after murdering every member of their clan, the man had disappeared. And now…now, he had left Sasuke completely alone. That hot, stinging sensation ensued, tears falling to the floor beneath him. He released a quiet sob.
It had not been a dream. It had really happened. His parents were gone. His family was gone. And his older brother had never actually cared about him.
He was alone.
…
That was the first time…he had even been alone on his birthday. And it was the first time…it had ever stormed on that day. It was the first time he had ever had to face a thunderstorm on his own. The first time he had come to terms with what had happened…with the Uchiha massacre.
And it was the last time he had ever let himself cry.
Sasuke pressed his eyes shut, forcing it back. Forcing it all back. But it was not working. As seemed to have become almost customary, he angrily pounded his fist against the bed. He needed to get this under control. He could not let it affect him…
"I'll always be here when you need my help."
"Shut-up," he muttered.
"Don't worry, Sasuke. I'll always be here to protect you."
"Shut-up!" the Uchiha ordered, slamming his fist against the bed once more.
"As an obstacle you need to overcome…I'll always be there for you."
"Damnit…Damnit, damnit, damnit!" he screamed. He could feel that familiar sensation building up, trying to take hold of him. "You said you'd always be there for me!"
His hand fell still, and he buried his face in his pillow. It took every ounce of self-control he had to keep that stupid impulse in check. His older brother had always promised him, had always assured him that, no matter what happened, he would always be there for him. He would always show up when something was wrong, always seemed to emerge at just the right time. He always knew what to say, and what to do. And he always did it with a sort of underlying calm and patience.
"You said…you'd be there…"
Sasuke pressed his eyes shut tighter.
'I want us all to be together like this, forever!'
"But…you're not… You're not, Nii-san."