12/1/1

It's a scream out of her worst nightmare's worst nightmare. A curdling, plaintive wail of horror and pain.

Rey's heart is beating a million times a second and her body is electric with fear. Something is out there. Something bad.

They're behind the chapel, her, Rose, most of the younger children, working on clearing a place for another power generator. It turns out that the shipstones work exactly as well as they're supposed to, so they're going to hook the chapel up to its own one, so it can stay warm without draining power from the rest of the settlement. A huge, high dome looks excellent, until you've got to keep it warm. Then it's a huge amount of empty warm space well above the heads of anyone in the dome.

"Get them inside. I'll…" She's got her lightstaff extended and ready and runs in the direction of the noise. Rose is already gathering them up, herding them toward the chapel, nothing short of a blaster cannon is getting through that dome, and whatever is screaming, it likely doesn't have a blaster canon.

That said, Rose has got her blaster out, and is ready to fight if need be.

Rey's running, and the sound is swelling, rising up and down in an unending cacophony of pain.

"Rey!" Rafe yells, running next to her out of the microfarm.

"Get in the greenhouse!" she yells back. The last thing she needs is to have to protect a well-meaning farmer who can only hit a target with his blaster half the time from whatever this thing is.

She can feel he wants to fight, but she hits him hard with a blast of Force, making him want to take cover.

She's in town, running between the huts when she sees… it.

It's huge, at least as big as two of the huts, covered in some sort of plates. It's got a long neck and a round bulbous head, with a sharp, pointed beak, and longer, spiky claws on each of it's four wide feet. They found shells, one as big as their huts, and a few eggs, and they knew there had to be big turtles, but somehow she envisioned some sort of large, gentle, rounded creature. A large, gentle herbivore. Or maybe something that eats fish and the lizards that live underground. Not this huge, beaky, spiky monstrosity that's eating one of the Faviers alive.

It's screaming, kicking with the one leg it's got left, as the turtle lowers its mouth for another bite.

She runs at it, whacking it, hard, with the laser end of her staff, and it doesn't even blink. It's not even aware she's there. Its plates are too hard for her laser to penetrate, at least, not with a quick shot. If the black saber weren't inside her fucking cottage, she's pull it to hand, but… She doesn't have the time or focus to open the door with the Force.

She circles the turtle fast, looping around, giving the Favier a quick death stroke, putting it out of its misery, and then swinging up, arcing through the air, slicing at the eye of the thing, making it rear back and yelp, startled.

Rey yelps, too. At her side, in his full command blacks, saber extended, glowing flickering red, is Kylo. He's already attacking the thing, hitting it hard and fast and going full at it, and, like her, rapidly figuring out that he can't hit it through the plates, but that doesn't stop him from swinging himself up onto it's back and stabbing down, using his strength and weight to force his blade, slowly, through the plates.

The thing is getting unconfused fast, and it snaps at Rey, who's not about to be bitten in half by some sort of meat-eating giant turtle. She ducks, and its beak scrapes across her shoulder, ripping through her coat and jacket, but not her skin. That gives her a shot at the inside of its mouth. It rears again when she stabs it through the roof of its mouth, taking off the front of its face.

Its jump almost knocks Kylo off, but he's got more than enough balance to resettle himself on top of it, twisting his blade, deepening the hole, seeking the soft, vital organs he knows have to be under the plates.

The thing is screaming now, voice loud enough to deafen, spit spraying from what's left of its mouth, and Rey rolls to the side, coming up at its shoulder, aiming a blow to the neck, hoping that will end this, but her blade is only long enough to slice through a third of its neck.

It lashes out with its front leg, trying to rake her side with its claws, weaker now. She ducks, shifting to the side, hoping to get a strike in on the underside of its neck when it suddenly goes limp and collapses. She sees Kylo, having gotten his blade through the plates on its back, stirring it around like a spoon in a cup of coffee, destroying whatever vital organs were nearest to that thing's shell.

As soon as it's clear that it's dead, he's on the ground, trying to get close to her, to check the scrapes, fear pouring off of him at the cuts in her coat, but she's holding her staff out at him, looking back to where the children and Rose are, far enough away they don't have a good view, but close enough to see the fucking man in black and his glowing red lightsaber, and the Kennas, Critt, and Jacen, all staring straight at them, only fifty meters away in the microfarm, shock clear on their faces.

Rey whips them back to the Supremacy.

"You shit stain on the back of a wrinkled cajoolie!"

He's panting from the adrenaline spike, fear only slowly starting to ebb away as he's cataloging Rey. No real blood. The rips in her coat have… nothing. It didn't get through the shirt underneath. Split lip, scratches on her neck and eyebrow, but… She's fine. He's breathing hard and fast, but it's starting to slow down. The fact that they're on his ship in his chamber is only starting to sink in and…

He'd hug her, except she's still got her staff extended, though the blade is off, and from the look of it, she's about to hit him with it.

He blinks, making himself calm down. She's fine. Angry, but fine. All body parts are accounted for, and she might have some nasty bruises soon, but she was giving way more than she got.

He feels like his mind is trapped in glue, and… "Is that the word?"

She blinks hard. "What?"

"Cajoolie… is that the fighting word?" He's feeling numb with relief, and almost on the verge of laughing because it's the silliest damn word in the history of humans stringing syllables together.

Rey does not appear to be experiencing either of those emotions though. Her voice is red hot as she bites out, "You're asking me that?"

"What else should I say?" He tries to get a little closer to look at the scratches on her face.

She yells and hit the floor with her staff, hard. "What else? What else!"

Kylo takes a step back. Not time to get closer, yet. There's a quiet, tentative knock on his door, along with the voice of one of his generals. "Master Ren?"

He holds up a finger to her, darts to the door, opens it, and bites out. "I am fine. You are dismissed. If anyone touches this door again before I reconvene you, I will personally break the fingers used to do it." Then he slams the door, shoots the bolt home, and returns to her. "I don't know what you want! I don't know why you're mad!"

"You?! Don't know…" She hits his table and the few cups on it rattle and then stalks right up to him. "You showed up in the middle of the day, in the middle of my town, in your full command blacks, with your mark of rank on the sleeve, lightsaber extended and attacked that… thing… THEY SAW YOU!" she shoves him, hard, and he allows himself a step back.

He's still looking at her, not sure what to do.

"Apologize!" she yells at him.

"What?"

"I'm not mumbling, and you're not deaf!"

"Okay, try this, 'why?"

"Why?"

"Yes, why?"

She shoves his shoulder, and again he takes a step back. "You did it on purpose! Full command blacks, with your cloak, with your," she slaps his arm, "mark of rank, and the" he yanks his lightsaber out of the way before she can hit it. He tosses it onto his bed, not wanting it too close. "lightsaber. You hate hiding and the first chance you got, you leaped out in front of everyone!"

He's too stunned to even come up with anything for a moment, and then, "On purpose? You think I conjured that thing up out of the ethers? You think I spiked your panic? You think it's on me that you screamed out into the universe in fear? It is not my fault that you got scared."

"It's your fault you came!"

"You were scared! A trillion kilometers away, I'm having a nice little chat about tightening up my supply lines and how we can minimize the time our troops spend in transit, and suddenly my entire body lights up in heart-stopping fear, and for a second I don't know what's going on and then it hits, it's you. I'm not scared; I'm just fine. I'm talking. But you were scared, and as soon as I knew that… I don't fucking care if the entire universe saw, if I ever feel that again, I'm going to you, and if I'm in my blacks, or naked, or… anything… And I will not apologize for that because you are safe and alive and I don't care if you're angry, because you're breathing!" He lets it pour out of him in a fast tirade, and he yanks her close, kissing her hard.

She shoves him back again. "No! NO! You do not… Everything I've worked for. The town, the children, the… EVERYTHING! It all falls apart. They SAW YOU!" She's yelling at him, not quite the top of her voice, but close.

"Then it falls apart!" He's yelling, too. "If they won't work with you toward this with me as part of the deal fuck them! I'm as much part of the balance as you are! And it doesn't work if there's only one of us, so… No. You get scared, and I come. That's the end of it."

"It'll break! More than a year…" She's halfway between crying and spitting.

"As long as you're alive you can start over! Trust me, I know all about changing your name, burning your past, and starting over. And I'm learning about finding people who want what you want and will help you get there. But you can't do that if you're dead, and… NO… That is not a risk I'm willing to accept, not if I can do something about it."

"I wasn't in any danger!" She shoves him again. He grabs the lightstaff and throws it aside.

She whips it back, and he stops it, hovering in the air. "You were afraid, or I wouldn't have known, and if you want to fight me, I'm game, but I've got enough scars from you, so not with that."

The lightstaff clatters to the floor as she drops it, and he shoots it to the edge of the room, so neither of them trips on it.

She launches herself at him, so angry she can't see straight, about to hit him but… There's a part inside of her that rolls over in a slow, shamed curdle at the idea, this man's been hit way too many times, especially by people he valued, and she just can't. But the feeling is too raw, too intense, too dark and hot to just sit there and take it, so she flips it, and in a second she's on him, kissing hard, deep, teeth and lips and fingers moving hard and rough on him.

It takes him by surprise. It hurts. She's kissing hard, and he can taste blood, but he's fairly sure it's hers. That thing spilt her lip. She's pulling his hair, yanking it out of its knot, so hard his scalp stings, and he's never gotten this hard, this fast. He knows she's close enough to his mind to feel how this is effecting him. He's throbbing in all the right and wrong ways.

"You can't just… come running in…" She kisses him between words, biting his lip. Hard enough to bruise, not hard enough to break his skin. And suddenly a lot of whatever it was Hux and Phasma had is becoming clear, and he's not sure he likes that, but… he likes it. All of his fight, and this afternoon's emotions, and her anger and frustration, all of it rolled together into this hot, hard, throbbing fuck-fight-run feeling pulsing through both of them.

He turns them, fast, using his reach to pin her wrists to the wall, and keeping the rest of him far enough back that she can't touch him. He wants to just rub against her. Strip her of her clothing and be stones… cajoolies… deep before she can say anything. But he knows they aren't done arguing. There are words he's got to say, too. "No. That's the thing you can't ask me for. That's the only thing you can't ask me for. That's the wish that I can't grant, the boon I won't even contemplate."

"I don't need you to rescue me."

He steps closer, bringing his body into range and her legs wrap around his hips. He grinds into her, kissing, hard, sharp little bites along her neck. "You need me."

She struggles against his grasp on her wrists, but she doesn't let go of the hold she's got on his waist, doesn't stop grinding against him.

"You want me." His eyes are dark, and she can feel how this is effecting him. He can feel it getting to her, too, as more than just a way to burn this feeling off.

She kisses him this time, hard, clacking teeth and clenching fingers.

"And you'd come for me." He pulls back enough to look her in the eyes. "You came for me when I was looking forward to the fight. When I had not a jot of fear, you were there to watch my back. If you felt your heart stop, felt me awash in fear, you'd drop anything and everything and come for me."

She blinks. And then he kisses her lips, hard, a long, biting, bruising kiss.

He pulls back and nods at her, releasing her wrists. She wraps her arms around his shoulders. "Exactly. I can take care of myself. I've been doing it since before you were on your own." He puts her hand on his shoulder, reminding her, vividly that she put a lightsaber through him and he kept fighting. "You don't doubt I can handle myself." He lays his hand on her heart. "You know it, there," he kisses her forehead, gently this time, "And here…" His eyes are hot, dark, staring at her, "And if you felt me fear, if you felt my danger sense fire, you'd be at my back before I got the second hit in."

She's still breathing hard, but starting to calm. "If I feel your fear, and come to your side… You lose nothing. What happens when I go back? Is there even going to be a back?" Starting to calm doesn't make her voice any less intense, though.

He kisses her hard, yanking at her trousers, trying to get them down, but her legs are around his hips, so they won't move, and this is a terrible position to try and rip them in. He rocks against her instead. "Feel it? Hard, against you. My life… My ability to make life." He grinds against her again. "And yours. Our lives. Our ability to make life. Our future, writ in days and breath, ours, our children's… It's all with you. You are more than a school, Rey. The school… It's anywhere you are. The balance is in you, and you can teach it anywhere, to anyone. Everything in my universe that matters is with you. If something happens to you… My world ends. Either the Force ends me with you, or it goes so far out of balance…" She can feel the darkness surging in him at just the idea of this. "No. You can't… ask me not to fight for the things I love. You can't… give me a path, a use for my dark, and then tell me not to use it." She can feel his terror at another promised future slipping away. "You want to keep me from running to the rescue, don't get yourself in trouble. The next time some gigantic, ravenous, meat-eating turtle, or whatever the fuck that was, shows up, don't fight it." He knows that's so unlikely as to be near impossible. "Or don't get scared by it." That's a possibility. "Call your light to deal with it, and I'll never know, but if your dark cries out, you can fucking well know I'm coming, and I will always come."

She kisses him again. Pressing against him, wriggling, trying to get him to let her legs down. It takes a second but he finally understands. She yanks her pants off, and he undoes his trousers, shoving them around his hips.

In a heartbeat, he's got her in his arms, up against the wall, and both of them shout when he slides into her. Her teeth close against his shoulder, and he grunts at it, riding the endorphin rush, thrusting harder.

"Fuck… fuck… fuck…" he's murmuring it, punctuating each thrust with it, his hands cupping her ass, squeezing tight.

She's breathing hard, grinding against him, arms around his shoulders, using him for leverage, pumping herself up and down. Everything in the last hour is making her skin burn and spark, and it's intensified by his feelings swirling through her, too. His mouth on her neck, that word, over and over, the feel of his eyes and the naked fear of what would happen if something happened to her, the part in the back of his mind that wants nothing more than to be able to walk around with her, in her town, in the middle of the day, the part, hiding back there, that's thankful that the charade is done, all of it's washing over her.

They're too close. His mind's been leaking into hers, and the fear of a future alone, the terror at losing the only thing that really matters to him, all of it's narrowing down to his body in hers and the sparking thrill of her skin against his, and the motion of it, the pulse, the heavy, tight, screaming pleasure of making life.

Hers, his, their bodies, the future they hope to share, whirled images of Lirium and The Order, both of them in both places, all of it distilled into a sharp, shattering motion of nerves laid bare, screaming for release.

She's rocking, trying to get him deeper, trying to get more, and he feels it, shifts as he step back, hitches her knees over his arms, sliding his hands to the small of her back, so she can lean back and… "FUCK!" his voice, deep, ragged. That's it. So good it hurts. So right, fucking, THERE!

The sparks are forming behind her eyelids, and the color's dropping out of her vision, and her body's thrilling from head to toes, with the sweet, sweet ache of just, almost, there settled between her legs, pulsing, begging for just a…

He yells, his hips thrashing, coordination lost as he stiffens and spurts, and that last hard, deep, thrust is all the more she needs, her voice echoes his, and she shudders in his arms, body twitching as pleasure steals her sight.

He turns them, his back to the wall, and then slides down it. Both of them sit, eyes closed, breathing hard and fast, hearts thundering, waiting to calm down.

His head is back against the wall, and her head is on his shoulder.

Eventually, he lifts it, and kisses the top of her head, his mind, feelings, body all quiet. "Now, I can be sorry. I can't… not come when you're in danger… and I won't take the time to change or hide. But I don't want you to lose everything you've built. I can wipe their memories. Keep them calm until tonight, and… I'll take care of it." He sighs. "It won't hold. You asked for three years, one of them is up, and I don't see this getting to two, but…" He sighs again. "If you want it…" He doesn't have to say, again, that he's as much of the balance as she is, and as long as he's hidden, they aren't really balancing.

She snuggles against him, painfully aware of what he's not saying. Of how it doesn't actually balance if it's all her. How he's spent the last more than two years now moving lightward. How she's moved dark, but not nearly as much. How he's built and is building this Order into something she could, and should join. It's not perfect, but it's at least as good as the Republic ever was, and she would have proudly attached her name and face to that.

How he deserves a woman willing to walk by his side, in the open, and not just be her dirty little secret.

"I'm scared." And she is. His plan, a mass memory wipe, won't, on any sort of real level, work. This is the breaking point and… She's been ghosting along, reacting instead of taking control and plotting her own course.

Their course.

He strokes her hair. "I know. I feel it, too. All the time."

And she knows that, too. "What do you want?" she asks, pulling back enough to look into his eyes. Feeling like it's no accident that that… thing… which had been leaving her settlement alone for the entire time they've been there decided to make a fuss, while she was there, spiking her adrenaline, or that Kylo responded to it by running to her side.

"All of it." His eyes are wide, and every feeling he's ever had open to her in that gaze. His fingers stroke over her lip. "I want to rule. I want to shape this galaxy into something… brilliant. And I want you with me, doing it with me. And I want to be able to meditate in your chapel, during the day, and walk through your town, holding your hand. I want to blend your mark to mine, twist those rays so they spiral, and let the entire universe know about it. I want those sprogs to call me Master Kylo, and I'll teach the little boogers how to handle their dark and make pretty letters on paper. I want a legal marriage certificate with my own name and yours on it, and I want to sign it in front of everyone at the biggest, most fucking beautiful wedding anyone's ever dreamed of. I want you in silks and satins by my side in our palace, and I want to wake up in our home on Lirium snuggled under deep blankets and play in the snow, with you, during the day. I want our children to grow up safe and loved and away from the jockeying for favor that's this place, and…" He kisses her hard, again. "I want to be me, and I want you," he bites his lip, "and I want all of it."

She rests her forehead against his, and sighs. Laid out like that… It's terrifying, and real, and she can feel the ache of desiring it, and the nervousness of fucking it up, and… She takes a deep breath, feeling like she's about to leap off of a cliff. "Okay." Catch me.

Always. He nods, smiling brilliantly. "Okay. Now what?"

"I go home and see… what's happened. Deal with the fallout, and draw the line in the sand. Either they're coming with us, or they're not."

That rushes through him, and he squeezes her gently.

"Shall I come with you?"

"Let me lay some groundwork, first. I'd rather you weren't deflecting blaster fire your first few seconds out in the open."

He half-smiles at that.

She does, too. She kisses him, quickly, glancing at the chronometer. It's only been fifteen minutes, but she's sure to her students that feels like forever. "I should get back. They're probably terrified."

He nods. "And my commanders are likely in my office gossiping. I was mid-sentence when I vanished."

She rolls her eyes at that, and they kiss again. She stands up, knees still a little shaky, and begins looking around for something to wipe up with. Kylo stands up, too, and calls a towel to her, and one for him. He stands, wipes up, enjoying watching her put her pants on.

She smiles at him, and flashes out, back to her students.

Kylo rights his pants, making sure his tunic and shirt are hanging properly and… He notices that there's some… filth, from whatever that creature was, on his tunic. He undresses, takes a quick dip in his pool, and then redresses, putting on clean clothing. Wet hair is a little more intimacy than he normally allows his underlings, but, with any luck, they actually left when he dismissed them.

Then, as he's heading to the refresher, going to brush out his hair, he gets a look at himself. Wet hair is the least of the 'intimacy.' His command blacks cover just about all of him, but there's still visible love bites on his jaw and neck, and his lips are red and swollen from bites, sucking, and kisses.

And… shit… he still hasn't gotten the fucking soundproofing taken care of. Okay, that absolutely has to happen yesterday.

He straightens his shoulders, throws his best fuck you and everyone you've ever met look onto his face, and finishes pulling back his hair.

Time to act like he intended all of this, with an audience.

He opens the door, and his office is empty, save for Kinear at the conference table, waiting for him, and C8, who's staring at the door, looking… Exactly the way he always looks, but Kylo's getting pretty good at developing a sense for what C8 may be thinking.

"You've already called them, haven't you?" He decides to deal with C8, first.

"I've already called physical plant to deal with it. In a day or so, anything that happens in your chamber will stay in your chamber."

"Thank you, C8." He thinks about it for a moment. "Get them to sweep for bugs, here in my office, and throne room. I always used to do my rooms, but didn't think to do the office."

Kinear smirks at that. "Old school trick. Build shitty rooms, keep the private ones clean, and bug the one next to them. Imperial ships used to do that."

Kylo sighs. "Great. You didn't mention that last time?"

"I didn't think of it last time." And it's clear to Kylo he didn't.

Kylo sits next to him. "Another conversation you're going to forget and you'd like me to remember?"

"Seems prudent." His eyes drop to the love bites, and he smirks a bit, his normal, precise, formal manners dropping away from him, and the real Kinear coming to the fore. Then he looks up into his eyes and says, "Take some advice from a man who's been married longer than your life doubled, there was never a woman worth rescuin' who appreciated her man swoopin' on in, guns… saber blazing… when she had the situation handled."

Kylo blinks at that.

"And if she's worth rescuin', she'll call you when she needs the help. You trust her to know when she needs it, and you're gonna get on a whole lot better."

He swallows, too stunned to even be annoyed.

Kinear touches the band on his wrist. It's the first time Kylo's noticed it, likely because it's under his cuff, on his skin. It's black leather, with a symbol he can't read embossed on it. The edges are a little frayed, but it's supple and uncracked. It's clearly old, but cared for.

"And if she's worth rescuin', you get off your damn ass and you marry her."

Kylo doesn't exactly smirk at that, because he knows what Kinear must have heard about a wedding, but there's something vaguely smilish and very satisfied on his face as he says, "That part, I got done."

Notes:

I know you've all been wondering for MONTHS now how Kylo'd get outed, and whoever put the bet on Force-ordained attack by giant mutant turtle, you won the pot. ; )

So, why giant mutant turtle?

There are a few things in play here.

First off Kylo's greater arc. Kylo is dark. We're not glossing over that, or prettying it up, or pretending that he's just moody. Our boy is dark. And dark lends itself to fear and destruction. So, the challenge for Kylo is figuring out what the hell to do with his natural talent for, as he said to Leia, breaking shit and killing people.

And if we learned nothing from Tension/Balance, it's that our boy is ready, willing, and beyond able to apply breaking shit and killing people if it's involved in protecting/avenging Rey. (Much to the detriment of what used to be Jakku.)

So, part of Kylo getting outed is that it had to be in the service of his greater arc. It had to be part of him using his natural dark to do something valuable, constructive, and… well… Good. And Kylo's got no greater good than protecting Rey and the future he has with her. (Like Rose said, "We win by saving what we love.")

For Kylo himself, I wanted him to have a moment where he gets to show up and just be a hero for Rey. And yes, she's not in a situation she can't handle. Turtle V. Rey, the turtle isn't going to win. But… I feel like he needed that. He needed to, at least once, get to feel like he saved her.

For Rey's arc, she needed a situation where he came. She was in danger, maybe not a ton of it, but he came for her. The abandoned child needed a situation where she can know, in her bones and guts, that whatever's coming, she'll never have to face it alone. That if her back is ever to a wall (or a turtle) a man in black with a red saber will come to fight by her side. (Yes, she is, in the moment, too scared and angry to appreciate it, but in time, she will.)

That meant I needed something to put Rey in danger, where the others would see her.

And honestly, I don't like drama for the sake of drama, and having any of the Lirium crowd turn on her for no good reason just felt wrong.

Thus Deus Ex Testudinata: Ghost in the Tortoise. I'm sure there's a pile of lit majors out there rolling their eyes, but… Eh… I like goofy meta jokes. And a throwaway line back in chapter… I don't know. Ten? Maybe? About how there were turtles on this planet turned into a plot point. I mentioned them a few more times, just to make sure I played by the rules, and establish this is a planet with giant turtles on it, and we were good to go.

The next chapter is titled Kylo Ren, and it's a roller coaster, so buckle up, clear an hour or so of your calendar, and get ready for a great Sunday.

Hugs and kisses, Keryl.