It was a harrowing day for everyone. It was always going to be and Kim sat at the kitchen bench almost catatonic. She hadn't slept at all, Iris had a rough night and she was asleep right now with her brother. She was waking up three or four times a night and crying out for her Mum and Dad.

"How are you?" Adam wrapped his arms around his wife. Sadness oozed out of both of them. Today they were burying their daughter. Nothing was going to make this pain go away.

"Well I am up, that's the best I got."

"Me too." He tightened his grip and kissed her cheek. "I love you so much Darlin'. Tell me what I can do?"

"Nothing. Nothing is making this nightmare easier to deal with. I don't want to do this anymore."

"I know. How were your two?" Adam and Kim hadn't shared a bed in days. They had two each and this strange life they were suddenly living felt surreal. When he woke that morning, for just a second he forgot and then he felt his two granddaughters beside him and he remembered. He lay there for just a moment and tried to fight the overwhelming devastation he felt that he would never feel his daughter's arms again, or kisses or hear her laugh. All he had now was these two beautiful girls and the other two currently sleeping with their grandmother.

He thought of his wife and the tears fell. She was being so strong, she felt she needed to be, but this is the woman he loved beyond all reason and she was breaking and he could see it. Her heart was broken, as his was but they kept going. She was never going to be the same. Her daughter was dead and that was never going to not hurt and he wanted to hold her and tell her that he'd fix this for her. He wanted to fix her broken heart, he just didn't know how or if he ever could.

"Iris was restless, she's sleeping now with Alfie. Poor boy, he just keeps trying to help her."

"He's like his Daddy." Kim heard the sob catch in Adam's throat.

As soon as the car pulled up at the church things started to spiral. Mae refused to get out of the car, she pushed Adam away angrily as Iris clung to Kim and refused to walk or be handed off to Heidi. Lola talked to Mae quietly and very patiently. "Please come Mabel. I'll hold your hand. I don't want to go without you. You are my sister and I love you."

She did eventually come but Adam had to carry her, her weight increasing with each step, until he realised it wasn't her weight, it was the weight of their combined grief. Her head was buried in his shoulder and she didn't look at anyone. They sat at the front of the packed church listening to the grief swell behind them and focussed on the four little broken hearted children. Iris in Kim's lap, her face buried in her chest, Alfie beside her, lying with his head on Iris's back. Mae didn't lift her head off Adam's shoulder, she didn't open her eyes at all and Lola sat beside him holding Mae's hand with one as Adam wrapped his arm and pulled her close.

They listened to Gus talk about his sister, Andrew talked about Sam and both of them talked about the love they had for each other. Their heartbreak evident, the crushing weight of their own grief disappeared under the weight of their grandchildren's devastation. The realisation that their lives had changed forever, the life that was now laid out in front of them wasn't the life any child deserved and certainly not these ones.

They had a lifetime with Polly, it wasn't enough but at least they had more than 40 years to love and adore her, watch her grow, fall in love, become a mother and be happy and thrive in a beautiful marriage with a man that adored her as much as they did. It was a privilege to have her in their life. As her mother Kim felt honoured to be around to see her daughter so happy and it hurt to think that Polly would never get that. She wouldn't get to see her children grow up, fall in love, make a life for themselves, become parents or become whatever they wanted to be. They would never be walked down the aisle by their Dad.

These girls would never be able to turn to their mother when they became mother's themselves and ask for advice, or support or a helping hand like Polly had done to her. And that hurt.

Alfie would never be able to ask his dad for advice, share a drink with him or learn how to love someone as wholly as Sam loved his wife. His Dad would never stand up proudly when he graduated from school or college or university and tell him that he did good. His Dad would never be able to offer advice on how to be a Dad; their children would never know their grandparents.

Iris would never know them at all. She wouldn't remember how much they adored her, laughed with her and treasured her; all she was ever going to have was some photos, some videos and her siblings' stories and memories.

Atwater's speech destroyed them. "I remember when Ruzek announced to us that we were getting a new little member of Intelligence. We all thought 'holy crap' this is big. How in the hell were two people who could barely organise a night at a pub have a child? But they did, and she was mighty. So mighty that she bought a room full of hardened cops to their knees. Her Daddy adored her from the moment she let out her first angry wail, I've never seen a man turn to putty like Ruzek did. She came into the world on a cold dark night and the world has never felt that cold again because Polly Elizabeth Burgess Ruzek was here. He'd bound out of the District each night just to make it home in time to see his girl. Bath time was their thing and even if we were working late he would sneak home for ten minutes just to sing to that little piece of heaven. Her Mumma felt a little left out when Daddy came home but she had such a bond with her little girl, her face would light up every morning when her Mumma came to get her out of bed and when she came home from a long day at work she was greeted like a queen by that little mini Burgess."

"She would come into the District, striding up those stairs like she owned the place, going from desk to desk for her share of the spoils. The spoils that each and every one of those cranky cops had in their desk just for her. Then she would hightail it into the Boss's office, the crankiest, maddest bastard in CPD and that girl had him playing hide 'n' seek and singing nursery rhymes like nobodies business. Our old desk sergeant was a firecracker who's reign of terror as the desk sergeant of 21 was well known throughout CPD and Polly was the only one who could get her to smile just by walking in through the front doors."

"Watching Polly grow up was a privilege, she was full of life, a bag of beans, bold, funny, sweet and loving. She adored her parents and even when things got rough for her they had her back, they still have her back. Polly Elizabeth Ruzek changed the world; she changed it by being in it. She stuck up for those that needed a hand, never left anyone behind, she overcome heart breaking challenges when she was just a teenager and promised herself that her best friend's death wouldn't be in vain, so she started a charity ball that has now run for fifteen years raising money for child sexual abuse victims to help them on their path to recovery and rebuild their lives. To date that ball has raised 15million dollars and her legacy will live on through that and the school programs she worked hard to establish that are saving vulnerable children's lives all over this country."

"But there was something even bigger awaiting Polly. She fell in love with Sam and she let him go and when it was their time she welcomed him back. The love those two had for each other was immense and part of that was because of the people they had been raised to be. The other part was because of her parents and they indescribable love they have for each other that Polly and her brother Angus saw every single day. Polly always talked about finding her one in a million, like her parents had and she did find him, very early in her life when she was at her most vulnerable and he taught her so much, both when he was beside her and when he wasn't. She left this world with the love of her life holding her hand and it's a comfort to know she is not alone. This world is a better place because of Polly, and the four beautiful children she made with Sam will change this world, mark my words because they have the heart of their Mother beating inside them and the strength of their father guiding them."

As the cars drove away with their parents inside it was horrific. Lola screamed hysterically, Alfie tried to chase after the cars, thrashing wildly as Heidi and Gus tried to stop him, Mae sobbed and tightened her grip on Adam's neck and Iris just wanted her 'Mom and Dada. I go too, I go too.' She called out for them, over and over again, fighting against Kim the whole time.

All anyone could do was stand and watch the devastation.

People tried to help them but Lola wouldn't let anyone near them. "Don't touch them, don't touch me. Leave us alone. I don't want to be here anymore. Everyone needs to go away and leave us alone." Alfie clung to his sister, almost knocking her over in the process as he wrenched himself free from Heidi and flung himself at his sister while she screamed at everyone to leave them alone.

"Lola, make them stop." He cried.

The best thing they could do was get them in the car and away from the crowd. Adam and Kim had been stunned at the turn out; the congregation had spilled out the doors of the church. Sam and Polly had been away from Chicago more often then not over the last few years but they obviously had touched at lot of people's hearts. It was comforting to see how loved they were but they didn't get a chance to take it all in, it was a blur and the kids mattered the most and they got them out of there.

Back at the house Adam and Kim weren't surprised when the kids quickly disappeared upstairs as soon as people arrived and shut themselves in one of the bedrooms. It wasn't enough for some people though, it was like some morbid curiosity that they wanted to see the 'grieving children' and eventually Adam snapped.

"If you are only fucking here to stare at them like its' some freak show then fucking leave. They are not here for your entertainment." He seethed at one of Sam's relatives. They should have been prepared; Sam had often talked about how they were like hyenas at the first sign of death. He didn't care who he upset at this point. "Do you actually give a fuck that their parents are dead? Or do you just want to see their pain so you can get your rocks off? They are fucking children, they are fucking struggling.." his voice was getting more and more wobbly and Gus stepped in and tried to stop his Dad completely losing it. "…they are beautiful children who are heartbroken. I don't fucking care if you want to see them, I don't care what you think. I will protect them from people like you until my dying breath."

Gus didn't even apologise for his Dad he just led him away.

Lola did come down briefly but didn't even look at anyone although she felt all eyes on her. She made a beeline for her MiMi and tugged on her arm. She was talking to Kate Halstead and Mavis Atwater. The three woman had been in each other's lives for years, they couldn't imagine not having the around and over the past few days Mavis had cooked and cleaned and fussed over Kim and Adam and the house. Kate and Jay no longer lived in Chicago, having moved further down south a few years ago, they still kept in touch though and Kim had talked to Kate but today was the first time she had seen her.

Kate rubbed both her arms. She knew she hadn't talked much and even though Kate had talked to her everyday she was always just talking about the kids. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm getting up everyday. The kids are upstairs and have just retreated from the whole thing." Kim added sadly, her voice was shaking ever so slightly. "They just don't cope with people right now. It's been relentless with people coming to the house and wanting to talk to them, ask them how they are going. I feel horrible having to tell people to back off because I know they care. I can't think about me right now or Adam and I worry about him too."

"Yes, but how are you? Polly was your daughter."

"It doesn't really matter what I think right now, we've just got to get them through all this. Every thing else is just irrelevant."

"It's not irrelevant Sweetie. You matter, your feelings matter."

"They need us to be strong. If we can't be strong for them I don't want them to think that nobody is there for them. They are all that matters."

"No, they aren't all that matters but I understand why you feel the way you do. You are doing a wonderful job in a very difficult situation. You worry about them and I will worry about you okay?"

Kim just nodded and turned and grabbed Lola's hand and bent down so that she could hear what Lola had to say. She obviously didn't want anyone to hear. "MiMi, Iris wet the bed and she wee'd on Mae and she's really upset. Mae pushed her away and she fell off the bed."

"Okay. Is Iris hurt?" Lola shook her head and told her that Alfie was giving her a hug. Kim beckoned Heidi to come with her. Whether they were ready or not, and it wasn't something anyone was prepared to tackle just yet but Heidi and Hudson would become the guardians of the kids, technically they already were but right now the best thing for everyone was that they stay here.

Kim comforted Mae and Iris while Heidi quietly changed the sheets and found new clothes for Iris to wear. Lola helped her while Alfie fretted. "Are there still people here?" He asked his MiMi.

"Yes sweetheart. Do you want to come down?"

"No." he was adamant. "I need to stay here and look after my girls." He paused. "Lola and me are taking care of them." He looked at his feet. "But I am hungry."

"We will bring you up something to eat." She promised.

"Where will the kids live?" Heidi was a little bit stunned by the question from her Aunt. They hadn't had a great relationship for a while now and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"That's not a priority right now." Heidi didn't want to talk about it especially with these people. "At the moment they are being cared for here with Polly's parents."

"Polly always got her way."

"Got her way? Yeah sure, this is exactly what she wanted. She wanted to die with Sam and leave her four children orphans, just to spite us all. Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You know that's not what I meant." Her Aunt claimed she hated confrontation yet seem to start every damn fight with her bitchiness.

"No? I do know what you meant, you were having a crack at their mother because Polly never put up with your shit." It was true, Polly had called them out at several family occasions when their Aunt would call her by the wrong name, or the kids wrong names and tell Polly how much Jolene hated that they took the kids away or what she thought Polly was doing wrong as a mother. "Polly and Sam loved those kids and each other in a way your cold heart could never comprehend." Her voice kept getting louder and louder and people started to take notice. "Those beautiful kids have had their whole world ripped out from under them." She waved her arms angrily in the direction of upstairs. "They don't even live in this country anymore and now they have nothing but the people in this house who are desperate to do whatever it takes to make them feel safe and loved and cared for. You obviously are not included in that group."

Andrew heard Heidi's voice and went to her rescue. "Get them out of here." She snapped at her brother. "Sam wouldn't want them here anyway. They always treated Polly like shit. I don't even know why you are here." Andrew grabbed her hand as she went to slap her Aunt.

"Go see Hudson, ask him for a hug. You need it." Andrew whispered to his sister. "I'll see Mary out."

If Adam and Kim were struggling, and they certainly had every reason to be, Heidi was getting bogged down in the enormity of what was happening too. She was close to Sam and Polly and the weight of realising that she was about to take over care of four vulnerable children was a heavy burden. Hudson had been a tower of strength for his wife and also for Kim and Adam as they all worried about how the kids were managing. He had called in favours from colleagues to ensure they weren't missing anything. He talked to them daily about their behaviours and made sure Kim and Adam knew what to look out for.

For him also, he was busy in his practice and now he was about to undertake the responsibility of four grieving children, the youngest being three years old. His own kids were young adults now so this was a big upheaval for everyone. Not that they thought for one second that they wouldn't do it.

He saw his wife coming and held out his arms. "Hey. You okay?"

"No."

"Do you need anything?"

"Yep, to wind the clock back about a week and tell them they didn't need a dirty weekend away before they went back to Australia."

"I wish I could." Hudson held her a little tighter. "How are they?"

"Upstairs. Kim just took them up something to eat. They don't want to come down while there are people here."

"Don't blame them with half your family circling like vultures." Hudson had little time for them also. Funnily enough he was the favourite in the family, Heidi had married well apparently compared to the disappointment of the others. He was a doctor and that made them all swoon. Lauren married a hippy artist, Sam married a stay at home mother and Andrew, and well he married a man! Fortunately Hudson was smart enough to not get sucked into their snobbery and much preferred the company of his wife's siblings and better halves.

Not all the family was bad; the bad side seemed to be on Phil's side of the fence. Jolene's family were pretty easy to get along with and had been helpful to a fault in the last couple of days.

Kim was upset that Adam wrote himself off. It wasn't the time; she didn't need him being a drunken pain in the ass right now and refused to deal with him so Gus stayed with them. "He's just dealing Mom. He needed to crack a little. His top was about to blow; it did a little already. I'd rather he not lose his shit around the kids though, this might be better. He needed it."

"And I don't?"

"I never said that. Dad just faltered a little, he's in pain and he's trying to be strong for you and for them. He'll regret the hangover in the morning."

"Meanwhile I just keep going, I'll keep getting up to them by myself."

"I'll stay."

"They don't want you, they don't want me or your Dad." She cried desperately. "They want their Mom and Dad. They should be here." Gus caught her as she crumbled. "They should be here with their babies. They should be without their grandparents not their parents."

"Please don't say that Mom."

"I miss her so much Angus. I don't think I can do this." His mother's pain was excruciating to see. She was raw and broken and poured out of her like lava and he was a little stunned by it. She had been so strong and stoic over the past few days, he had seen glimpses of it when he caught her in a quiet moment but this all consuming gut wrenching agony was slicing through him like a knife.

"You can and you will because you have to. We all do, we all have to keep going because Lola, Mae, Alfie and Iris need us too. They need us to keep going otherwise they won't keep going. They have a lifetime ahead of them and that's what Sam and Polly wanted for them."

"I know."

"Fuck it's hard though. So fucking hard to look at them everyday and see their pain and heartache and devastation and I want to fix them and I am terrified for Vivienne and that's bullshit."

"It's okay Angus. It's okay to be scared for Viv."

"I should be worried about them, not me."

"You can be both. You are her Dad; it's your job to worry about her. It doesn't mean you love or miss Polly any less."

Angus held his mother while she lay broken in his arms. He wondered why his Dad hadn't said anything about how devastated she was. His Dad kept telling him she was doing okay; this was not someone who was okay. "It's okay Mom, it's okay. I love you Mom." He kept repeating.

Then he figured it out. His parents were trying not to let each other see their pain. They didn't want to admit that they weren't coping because they felt that they were relying on each other not to break, they didn't want the kids to see they weren't coping. The branch had bent as far as it could, tonight it snapped. Adam snapped and drunk himself stupid and Kim finally let her grief out.

"Is MiMi okay?" Gus was surprised to see Lola standing in the door way as Gus took him Mom up to bed. She was exhausted and Gus hoped that she would sleep for a few hours at least. He hadn't been surprised to hear that no one was sleeping well at the moment.

"Hey Lola Bear." He whispered. "MiMi's okay."

"Is she crying?"

"Yes she is. It's been a really tough day. Are you okay? Do you need something?"

"No, I'm okay. Everyone is asleep and I couldn't sleep." Lola turned to go back into her room. Gus could see in her room and noticed that Mae, Alfie and Iris were all curled up in her bed fast asleep. "Where is Pops?"

"He's asleep too."

"Okay." Tears started to fall and Gus swallowed hard to stop himself. "Who is going to look after us tonight?"

"I am. Hey, do you want to come downstairs, I'll make us a hot chocolate and we can talk?"

"About Mom and Dad?"

"If you want too."

"I don't."

"Okay, we can talk about something else or nothing at all." Gus reached for her hand and Lola baulked a little but didn't let go. "Come on. At the very least I'd like a cuddle."

Gus made them both a hot chocolate. Lola asked him about Vivienne. She hadn't come to the funeral but they were at the wake but Lola didn't see her and she hadn't been around much at all lately. They took the drinks through to the lounge and Lola did like the cuddle she got from her 'Uncle Bus.'

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Alfie is going to need someone to show him how to be a good man, Dad was going to do that. He talked about it all the time. Can you do that for Alfie?"

"I will, but you know what I think he's got a lot of good things from your Dad already that he won't forget. It's in his DNA." He felt Lola stiffen a little, it's not the answer she wanted. "But I promise I will always be there to help Alfie."

"Thank you." Lola had grown up overnight. Maturity had been thrust upon her and so far she had been more worried about everyone else than herself but when you asked her she shut down pretty quickly. "And, Bus. I think one day Mae might need some help, like when girl stuff happens to her. I had Mom; Mae will have nobody. Do you think Rhiannon will help her?"

It was way too early for Gus to contemplate any of this stuff happening to Viv but Sam had talked to him about how insane it was with Lola and how he struggled to cope with the fact his baby was growing up. Right now he had to push that fear aside and do whatever he had to do. "Absolutely Lola Bear. Rhiannon will be there to help Mae..." He knew without a doubt she was asking for herself too. Lola was heading into those wild teenage years and he remembered vaguely how horrible Polly was at the time but she had Mom to help her and keep Dad in check. It must be terrifying for Lola to think she had no-one now. "…and if you need her too Lola."

"I'm okay, but I worry about Mae." She was refusing to acknowledge this was about her but Gus felt her relax just a little.

"You know there is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child, Lola Bear you and Mae and Alfie and Iris have a village around you right now. We, everyone will be there for you, every single day."

"I know we have to go live with Heidi and Hudson, I heard them talking and I heard Mum and Dad talk about it a long time ago."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I want to stay with MiMi and Pops." Gus's barely put together heart shattered yet again as Lola cried. "But I love Heidi and Hudson too. I think Mae and Iris need to be here for a bit longer. Alfie and I would be okay, he's a bit stronger."

"Nothing has been decided yet Lola, we've got some time. Nobody is going to rush you and we all want what is best for you all. If you think that Mae and Iris are better here for now then you need to talk to us and tell us. One thing I do know is that no matter what you will all be together."

"I tried to get Mae to talk today, I'm really scared Bus."

"I know you are and that's really sweet of you. I love how much you care about your sisters and brother but its not all your burden to carry just remember that."

"I can't help it." She looked up at her Uncle, utterly distraught. "I miss them so much Bus. I forget what they sound like already."

"Oh Lola Bear. I'm so sorry my beautiful girl." He couldn't say much else. "I miss them too."

Neither of them heard Mae come down, why would they, she didn't speak. She just stood in front of her Uncle with her Rhino clutched tightly to her chest. "Come here Monkey Mae." Holding out his hand she climbed into his lap and closed her eyes.

He had no idea how his parents were doing this, no wonder they were both buckling under the weight of it all. This was gut wrenching, everyone's hearts were broken but this was worse than he ever imagined.

That's where Gus spent the night. Lola and Mae curled up together on the chaise portion of the sofa and Gus slept close enough so they didn't feel alone. He didn't hear his mother come down and cover him with a blanket, or tuck one around the girls before she headed back up and climbed into bed with Iris and Alfie who had both made their way into her room. When she had gone to check on the other two when they were asleep again a small flutter of panic rifled through her.

Checking the spare room where Adam was sleeping revealed just her husband and he may have been out to it but he still looked tortured.

Relief flooded through her when she saw the bodies on the sofa. Gus had one hand on them both and even that bought a tear to her eye, not that that was unusual lately. For just a moment she imagined it was Sam with them, this was something he would do, instead it was her son comforting his sister's children in their darkest hours.