In the days of despair you can grow hard
'Til you close your mind and empty your heart
If you find yourself staring in the abyss
Hold on tight to your loved ones and remember this. – Bruce Springsteen
The firsts.
They were the hardest and all of them had them. Some of the days were good and then a first day came and the walls crumbled. Some days the walls felt like stone and other days they were like sand and they dissolved at the first sight of water only to be rebuilt the next day, and the day after that.
The first day at school was particularly bad, for everyone. Even for Iris who hadn't been without the older kids for weeks and suddenly she was alone. Once they got back to the car she asked for them and cried all the way home she then spent the first few hours going from room to room looking for them and calling their names. When she realised she was alone she fell apart, curled up in Kim's lap and refused to let go. Kim didn't really mind because she missed them too.
They hadn't really thought about what effect it was going to have on Iris. She had been happier lately although it did upset Kim when she realised that Iris had gone through a whole day with asking about her Mom and Dad coming home.
Adam found her in the shower, after she had put Iris to be and she was sitting on the floor sobbing her heart out. "Oh my poor Darlin'." He reached in and turned the taps off and pulled her up off the floor, wrapping a towel around his wife he dried her off as she continued to cry. "What happened?"
"I put Iris to bed." She sobbed.
"Was she upset?"
"No, Adam she didn't ask about them today." It wasn't until Iris closed her eyes that it hit Kim and it hit her fair and square between the eyes. She came into the shower because she didn't want to other kids to see her fall apart. Not a day had gone by when Iris didn't ask about them, look for them or talk about them until today.
He didn't say a word, he reached for her robe, pulled it tight around her body and held her, rocking slowly as she sobbed her heart out. The kids were starting to even out and the long suppressed grief of his wife was bubbling to the surface. He needed to hang on tight. His time would come; he knew it and it terrified him. Standing on the edge of the abyss, staring at his grief as it waited for him was confronting, yet he couldn't fall into that pit because he had to protect the five precious hearts in his house from breaking completely. That was his job and his purpose.
"I know she was always going to be the one who doesn't remember them but it hurts Adam, so much."
It hurt more than Kim thought it would.
The first day of school was always going to be hard. They were in tears before they even left the house. Mae, who had been talking to them pretty much non-stop the last few days went quiet again. They weren't surprised because she often didn't talk much when she was out of the house and had only just starting talking to Heidi and Gus on a regular basis.
Each of the kids had been allocated a mentor, although Lola probably didn't need one, she certainly made it clear she didn't want one either. They were chosen to be a friend in their class that they could go to for help and buddy up with until they felt comfortable. Mae's friend was Alice and she was a sweet little girl who was waiting for Mae when she arrived. "Hi Mae." She reached for her hand and Mae pulled away. "I'm really looking forward to spending the day with you." Alice's mother was lovely and very kind and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help.
Mae just managed a smile, only just. Her eyes were glistening as MiMi and Heidi said goodbye. "Be brave Mae." MiMi whispered. "We will be waiting for you at the end of the day."
Adam and Hudson had taken Alfie to his class to meet his friend. Rory was a little nervous about meeting him and Alfie was a lot better than Mae was but was still a bit reluctant to go off with him to meet some other kids in their class. He checked in with Adam before he left though, twice. "You will come back soon?"
"We will. We will be waiting for you after school. I'm proud of you buddy, it's a big day."
Lola was quiet. Her mentor was Harper and she was bubbly and Lola cringed a little. It was too much for her and she withdrew. Kim was worried that they hadn't got it right. They felt comfortable with Mae and Alfie's buddies but Lola didn't seem happy. It didn't take Lola long to relax though and Harper calmed down and Lola felt like they could be friends, probably not best of friends but they got on well and she admitted that it was nice to have someone to talk to on the first day.
The school called just after lunch when Mae refused to go back into class. It was too much for her and she wanted them to get Lola but they had decided that it was better if Lola and Alfie weren't aware of how upset Mae was for fear it would upset them too.
Everyone had been asking her where she was from, why she was here now and the teacher had tried to divert the attention away from Mae but they were curious about the new quiet girl in the corner and in her face all during lunch. She hadn't talked all day not that it was any surprise and that had made the kids more curious.
They were concerned that taking her out of class on the first day would only amplify the issue so Kim talked to her on the phone and encouraged her to go back, that she didn't need to talk if she didn't want to, until she felt comfortable and to stay close to Alice. "I miss you MiMi."
"Oh Mae, I miss you too sweetheart. I can't wait to see you soon and hear all about your day."
"You will come back won't you?"
"Yes. Pops and I will both be there soon."
Iris squealed when she saw them coming out of class, she ran towards them and Mae was the first to get to her. She smothered her with kisses and Iris didn't stray far from them for the rest of the day and it didn't go down well when she saw them in their school uniforms the next morning. It hadn't taken her long to figure out what was going on and she was unhappy about it, she loved her siblings and having them around was good for her.
Alfie did okay for a few days and then started to get bullied. Two boys picked on him because of his accent and called him orphan Alfie. He walked away like his Dad had taught him too but Mae didn't. She saw the boys following Alfie around the playground and she knew he was getting upset but he was trying to stay strong.
"Oh look, it's your sister. She's dumb, she can't talk."
Mae wasn't putting up with it, she could handle herself and didn't care what people said about her, but picking on Alfie was a bridge too far. No-one was picking on her brother and getting away with it. "I can so talk, we just don't talk to stupid little boys like you. You are weak because that's what bullies are, weak. I bet you would cry like a baby if the same thing happened to you." She suddenly spoke and even the boys stopped for a moment. It had been days and nobody had heard Mae speak.
"Oh look the other orphan can speak."
Mae hit him, she slapped him hard across the face and when the other boy stepped in to help Mae turned on him and he stepped back. Alfie jumped to her defence. "Don't touch my sister." He stepped in between them and started pushing them away.
A teacher came and broke up the fight before it got out of control. Even he was surprised to hear Mae's voice and she told them in no uncertain terms. "They are calling my brother names, awful names, laughing at the way he talks and calling him an orphan. They are teasing him and pushing him around. You need to stop it, it's bullying." Their parents had always taught them to stand up to Bullies and Mae had all the confidence and bravado of her mother. She was pure Ruzek right now. Even though her Dad didn't back away from a fight this was all Ruzek, she was channelling her mother and Adam would comment later to Kim that it was Polly standing up for Abbey all over again.
"You are orphans. Nobody wants you."
"It's not true." Alfie was devastated. "Lots of people are helping us. Lots a people love us." Mae grabbed her brother's hand and walked him away even though the teacher tried to stop her.
"We are going home." Mae declared angrily. "I'm going to find Lola and she will call MiMi and Pops and they will come and get us."
The school did call Adam and he came down instantly. Mae and Alfie were in the Principal's office waiting for him. "This is not a great start Mabel." He sighed after listening to the description of the fight.
"They were picking on Alfie, he was getting upset and I had to help him."
"Then ask the teachers for help."
"They wouldn't do anything. He deserved it." She was unrepentant about the slap and Adam had to try to hide his smile. The last time he sat here listening to the fallout of a school fight it was his daughter. He felt a little bit proud that Mae had inherited some of her gumption.
"Fighting is not the answer." The Principal, Mr Bellingham responded. "I know it's a little hard for you all right now but this is not how we resolve disagreements in school."
"I was protecting my brother." Her chest heaved. "That's what my Mom and Dad would want me to do." Adam felt a tightening in his chest and instantly forgave her. How could he not?
"That's very admirable Mae." Mr Bellingham had been stunned to hear her talking as much as anyone else. "We will certainly be talking to the boys, their parents and keeping a very close eye on Alfie's class. Please let us handle it from now on."
Adam made her promise to keep her hands to herself from now on and he took them both home. Mae agreed with a few conditions, she would leave those boys alone if they left Alfie alone and she wasn't budging.
"Are you angry with me Pops?" Alfie asked when Adam didn't really talk much on the way home. Mae wasn't talking again. It was her defence mechanism, as soon as she felt threatened or uncomfortable she just stopped talking.
"No, I am not angry Alfie, with you or with Mae. I am disappointed that it happened, I don't like that you were being bullied but I am glad you had Mae to help you. Hopefully next time Mae will choose words and not violence though."
The fact that his sister came to his rescue didn't bode well for Alfie but when the boys made a snide comment to him a few days later about his grandparents making his lunch Alfie snapped and well and truly put them in their place. In front of the whole class he stood up and told them in no uncertain terms that 'he wasn't putting up with their bullshit anymore.' He stared at them. "Don't ever talk to me again. Nobody likes you, nobody wants to talk to you or play with you because you are mean and horrible. You'll regret it, just you wait and see."
They tried to taunt Alfie and he just ignored them and eventually they gave up because he gave them nothing.
Alfie held the aces though, the day he talked about all the animals he had got to see over the years and they laughed at him, so he bought in the videos and photos and they soon changed their tune. It was too little too late; Alfie was tougher than that. He had to be, life had dealt him a shitty hand but along with that he had the heart of Lion, the heart of his father beating in his chest. "If you'd been nicer to me maybe I'd invite you to come to the zoo, but you don't deserve it." The Lincoln Park Zoo had rallied around the family and they were welcome to come out at anytime and got VIP treatment each and every time. Alfie invited Rory and two other boys from his class out to the Zoo to see Ada.
Certainly nobody dared confront Mae, they all heard about the fight. Not that she was mean or nasty to anyone else, she was certainly no bully but she wasn't going to put up with being bullied either. She was strong and feisty; from the day she was born Mae knew what she wanted and how to get it. She was stubborn as a mule and right now that might just be the best thing for her.
"Get out." Lola yelled at her grandfather when Adam bought her clean clothes up to her room for her to put away.
"Okay. Jesus sorry." He muttered. "MiMi sent these up for you to put away." He dropped them on the bed and turned to go. "You okay Lola Bear."
"Yes." She snapped.
"Okay…." He whistled and beat a hasty exit.
He found Kim putting Iris's clothes away. They kids were playing downstairs and Mae and Alfie were getting Iris to do a silly dance for them, she loved the attention and always performed for them. It was nice to hear some fun in the house. "Hey Darlin', Lola seems a little dare I say 'teenage'." He actually used air quotes. "She okay?"
"Well Baby, she's about to turn fourteen, what do you think is going on?"
"Already?"
"Baby, it's been going on for months."
"Nobody told me."
"Why would they, remember how stupid you were with Polly?" Kim was finding it a little easier to say her name lately. It still caught her off guard some days and she often would turn to say something and realise that it wasn't Polly standing there; it was Lola or Mae. "They didn't want you terrorising Lola, Sam was insane enough apparently."
"Living through one was bad enough, now another I've got another three. Fuck me." He muttered.
"Don't be a dick about it."
"I am never a dick." Polly just rolled her eyes and snorted at him and Adam got the hint. He would be wise to stay well out of it.
It wasn't so much the fact that Lola had her period, it wasn't even the first time since they had been back it was that she had run out of tampons that she had bought from home and didn't know what to get or how to get them.
When she didn't come out of her room and screamed at Mae to get out Kim finally took a deep breath and entered the dungeon. "Lola, what's up sweetheart?"
"It's empty." She opened the drawer beside her bed and pulled out the empty box.
"Well we can go get some more."
"We can't. They don't have them here, it's not the same and I can't find them." Kim felt like she had been kicked in the guts again, although that was a daily occurrence lately. How frightening for a young girl learning about her body and puberty whilst managing a cruel and major personal upheaval? Not only had she lost both her parents but she was now living with her grandparents, didn't have any of her own things apart from what they arrived for a six week holiday with, had started a new school, was making new friends, dealing with her own grief and that of her siblings and now she had run out of the only tampons she had ever used. It was a small thing but for Lola it felt insurmountable.
She was embarrassed enough apparently talking to her Mom about it now she had no choice but to talk to her grandmother, someone who hadn't had a period in a very long time. She did think about calling Rhiannon and Gus had told her, in his roundabout way that she would help her but right now she had a problem and didn't know how to fix it.
"Let's go together and we can have a look and see what we can find."
"I can't MiMi, I can't go out." Kim suddenly got the urgency of the matter.
"Okay. Tell me what these are like." She looked at the box and I will go and see what I can find."
"Can you not tell Pops?"
"Sweetheart, don't worry about Pops, he doesn't want to know about this stuff. He likes to live in this little bubble where all his girls are about Iris's age forever." Kim left the house quietly, grabbed everything she could get her hands on and bought them back. She chuckled to herself, it felt like she was a teenager again herself and she did her best to avoid the looks of cashier when she piled up the counter with every brand on tampons they had.
Lola burst into tears when MiMi bought them all back. It was such a big decision for her, one she just didn't want to make. It felt like it was the last little piece of her old life was gone. It was something that she had done with her mother, they had talked about it, and her mom had helped her manage her periods in the early days when she didn't know what was going on. "I wish Mom was here."
"I know you do Lola, I wish she was here too."
"I can't do this with Mom, I don't want to do this without her."
All Kim wanted to tell her was that it was going to be okay and that she was here with her and she would help her but that's not what Lola needed. Kim and Adam had both been to counselling to help them manage. They gave them ideas of what to say and not to say and one thing they were encouraged not to do was offer to take the place of their parents.
"That's okay Lola. It's okay to feel upset and angry. Do you want to stay up here?"
"Yes."
"Can I get you anything?"
"No." She hugged her grandmother. "Thank you MiMi."
"I love you Lola Bear." Kim kissed her forehead. "So much."
The road was rocky, some days it was smooth and other days were full of potholes but they were winning. Slowly but surely they were winning. Not that this was a game or a competition, it was a road they never wanted to travel but life had other ideas and there was no turning back.
Alfie came home from school and was looking confused. "What's up Alfie?" Kim slid some cookies across the bench and refilled his water bottle.
"Rory invited me to come to his house for a play date."
"That's nice."
"Do you think it will be okay if I go?"
Kim leant on the bench and rubbed his little hand. It was so small and soft, this little boy's hand was beautiful and she loved feeling it in hers. Alfie always managed to make her feel less alone, like his grandfather did. She felt for him, he was a little boy in a world that was harsh and he would grow up without his Dad. He was vulnerable right now and trying to figure out where he fit and how he should feel. "I think it would be really nice."
"But Mae and Iris might miss me."
"It's for a few hours Alfie, I think you need to go and have some fun with your new friend." He didn't want to have fun, he felt guilty when he realised that for a few minutes or hours he didn't think about his parents. He would get upset when Mae and Iris did and tried to help Lola take care of them. And then there was the anger; he was prone to emotional angry outbursts and Adam and Kim had learnt ways to manage him and them and they were becoming less frequent.
"I want to go." He looked at his grandmother sadly. "It's okay to have fun, just for a little while isn't it? I still miss Mom and Dad though, I promise."
"Alfie sweetheart. You tell Rory that you'd love to come, go have some fun. It's okay. It's doesn't mean that you have forgotten or even stopped missing them; you are a little boy. You have your whole life ahead of you and you have to live it. Your Mom and Dad wouldn't want you to be sad all the time or forever."
Adam dropped her off and Rory's parents were lovely. They invited him in for a coffee before he left and Alfie did cling to him a little bit but by the time he left he was off playing with Rory and he could hear them chatting away as Rory showed him all his things and they settled in to play with his Lego.
"He's such a lovely boy." Lucy, Rory's Mom was sweet. "Rory talks about him all the time and how he wants to help him. We are really proud of him and we really like Alfie. He's been good for Rory, he always had things easy so seeing someone having a rough time of it has made him think a little bit."
"Thank you. He's doing okay and we really appreciate Rory's help at school, it's helped Alfie settle in. It was a bit rough for a bit." Adam ran his finger around his coffee mug. "You know Alfie had it pretty good, they lived an amazing life, got to see different parts of the world and grew up around all these incredible creatures. Sam and Polly were giving them an amazing life. It's hit him and us pretty hard. We wouldn't wish this on anyone."
"Rory was so upset with what was happening to Alfie at school and that he couldn't stop those boys picking on him."
"We sort of expected it but it was tough on him. Rory did great. I hope he'll be okay today. He was a bit unsure this morning; he's a little worried about having fun because he doesn't think he should be. If he gets too much give us a call."
"I think he will be fine. We will keep them busy."
"He worries about being left, so if he starts to fret he can call us. Often a phone call will calm him down." Kim and Adam were just as worried about leaving Alfie as he was. It was a big day for him, even though he went to school everyday this felt different and he had even thought about not going when he got up this morning. They finally convinced him to go when Adam offered to stay a little while and that he could call him at anytime.
"Okay Bud, I am going now." Adam went to say goodbye before he left. "I will see you in a couple of hours. Have fun."
"You'll be back, or MiMi?"
"I'll be back at five okay?" He did cry a little when Adam left and it was sweet to see his friend try and comfort him. By the time he got home Lucy had sent them a message and a photo of the boys playing happily.
Adam checked his phone constantly and Alfie made it until about 4pm and then he started to wane and Lucy called him. "I think Alfie is ready to come home."
"Is he okay?"
"He is, he just is starting to worry a little and keeps asking the time. He's gone very quiet." Lucy was watching the two boys closely and Alfie had just about had enough, he had tears in his eyes when he asked what time was it.
"It's almost 4pm Alfie."
"What time is my Pops coming?"
"In about an hour. Are you okay?"
"I miss them, I am worried about Iris, and she might miss me." He looked at her sadly. "I want to go home."
When Lucy went to hug him Alfie baulked, he didn't like people touching him lately. All through nightmare random people he had never met wanted to hug him to 'make him feel better. A hug always makes me feel better' but Alfie hated it. He would accept hugs from his sisters, MiMi and Pops and the immediate family but no-one else. He got lots of hugs at home and that's all he needed.
Lucy agreed to call his grandparents and then made him a hot chocolate and sat up at the table while he drank it. "You feel better now?"
"I do." He nodded. "I just get scared. I want my Pops." He felt stupid for crying but couldn't help himself and he hid his face. He didn't understand why he often felt like this and it scared him. He was worried that people would laugh at him if he cried and tried really hard to stop it but it sometimes it just came out.
Lucy just handed him a tissue and didn't say anything until Alfie lifted his head up and wiped his eyes. "Thank you for coming over today. Rory really wants to be your friend."
"He's nice. He didn't laugh at me and the way I talk and he looked after me." Alfie was feeling overwhelmed but Lucy was nice and he felt comfortable. "He doesn't laugh when I cry."
"It's okay to cry Alfie. You lost your Mom and Dad and that's really sad, you know my Dad died a little while ago and I am much bigger than you and I still cry some days."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. I'm glad Rory has been a good friend to you. You can come over anytime Alfie. We'd love to have you." Once he knew that Adam was on his way he was happy to go back and play with Rory while he waited for his Pops to come. He was still anxious though and would be until he arrived.
Adam bought Iris with him. He was hoping that seeing Iris was okay he'd be a little more relaxed next time. He was happy to see her and introduce her to his friend and took her off to play. Rory's Dad, Max offered Adam a beer while the kids played but Adam refused.
"I'd love a beer but Alfie saw a TV ad about drink driving and he thinks that's what happened to his parents and freaks out about it so I might give it a miss." They were constantly looking for triggers. Even telling Alfie that that was not the reason for the accident didn't placate him and he put two and two together and got ten. So they decided to mitigate that trigger point by not having an alcohol if they were going to drive. Drink Driving was something that they never did, but one drink was fine until Alfie wigged out about it and now that was something else they crossed off their list.
"Big change for you?"
"Huge. We didn't think we'd ben taking care of four young kids at our age, I mean having them overnight tired us out. We much preferred going to visit them, winding them up and leaving our kids to deal with the fallout as payback for the giant PITA's they were."
"Life's a bitch hey?"
"Yep."
"Are they doing okay?" Max and Lucy were concerned when they were first asked to have Rory buddy up with a little boy who was starting school after 'his parents were killed in a car accident while they were visiting from Australia.'
"Not sure, we hope so. We just get up, hang on everyday and hope it gets better. They miss their parents that's for sure, we all do but Alfie's here today so that's a big step for him. Your boy is great."
They organised for Rory to come over to their house next time for a play date and Alfie was delighted. It was the best of both worlds, he got to play and make friends and stay close to home at the same time.
Kim was waiting for them at home. Alfie talked Adam's ear off all the way home about how much fun he had and Adam never mentioned that Alfie had wanted to come home early. "Did you have fun?"
"I did. And Pops said that Rory can come here next time. Is that okay?" He was happy but they knew it had been rough for him but that had to love that he was trying. Despite that he stuck close to them for the rest of the evening, asking Adam to take him to bed and he shared a bed with Iris again after spending the last week sleeping by himself. It was one step forward and two steps back some days but other days it was only steps forward and as long as they kept going forward they'd be okay…one day.
"Who is going to stay with us?" Mae was a little alarmed when she overheard her Pops and MiMi talking about going out.
"Heidi is coming over."
"Are you coming home? Or is she moving in? I don't want to live with Heidi, I want to stay with you." It still surprised them when the kids went from nothing to a hundred in the blink of an eye. How they got from Kim and Adam going out for dinner to moving in with Heidi confused them. Kids weren't rational at the best of times if he could remember rightly, throw in this emotional rollercoaster they were on and then everything was magnified. It was life on steroids.
"Woah…slow down sweetheart." Adam put his hands on Mae's shoulders. "Just take a breath."
"Don't say that, Dad said that to Mom all the time and she'd get angry at him. Don't say that."
"Okay. Sorry." They certainly were learning pretty quickly what they could and could not say. None of them had any qualms in telling them off and the banned list was getting longer. "Anyway. MiMi and I are going out for dinner with Kev and Mavis, Antonio and Sylvie for Kev's birthday. Heidi is coming over to sit with you and then when you get up in the morning we will be here."
"We can come with you? Then Heidi won't have to come."
"Nice try. It's for adults." Mae just glared at him and stormed upstairs. She slammed her bedroom door and Adam cringed a little. Hopefully that was the worst of the reactions but he doubted it. One down three to go.
Alfie was pissed and Iris lost the plot completely.
"No. I don't want you to go." Alfie screamed at them. "You can't go out, it's dark. What if you crash? Who's drinking? Are you going to drive home Pops?"
"Alfie." Kim crouched down in front of the distraught little boy. "Honey, we will be careful, we are going to catch an Uber and neither of us will drive." That didn't satisfy him at all so Kim ended up driving and promising not to drink.
"I don't want you to go out." He threw his hands around MiMi's neck and held on for dear life. "Can you stay and Pops can go? Kev is Pop's friend anyway." Kim thought about it but Adam shut it down quickly. They needed this both for their own sanity and for the kids, although they didn't see it that way right now. It would be easy to stay home, stay in their bubble and not move on but they couldn't and Adam had to be the one to ensure they made the effort.
Iris was a nightmare. She screamed blue murder when they tried to leave, she grabbed Adam's legs and refused to let go and when Heidi tried to prise her off Adam all hell broke loose. Iris was hysterical, Alfie was trying to get Heidi to stop touching Iris and Mae did her usual, she stopped talking, took herself to her room and refused to come out. Lola tried to reason with them all.
"Well that was fun." Adam sunk into the back seat of the car. "Shit, they know how to pile on the guilt don't they?"
"I suddenly have lost my mojo."
"You didn't have any mojo to start with." Adam forced himself to laugh. "Don't lie. By the way, you look beautiful."
"I look like I am a hundred years old."
"Hottest 100 year old Nan I know."
"Thanks, I think." Kim patted his cheek. "Do you think it's too soon to call?"
"Yes, but call anyway. You won't relax until you do."
Kim called Heidi and no doubt she was lying to some degree but she couldn't hear any carrying on the in background. Iris and Alfie were apparently curled up on the couch together watching a movie, Mae was in her room not talking and Lola was happy to talk with Heidi. She was asking for stories about her Dad.
Whenever she got the chance she was obsessed and she would either talk to Adam and Kim or Gus about Polly or talk to Heidi or Andrew about Sam. She had a million questions and didn't mind hearing the same stories over and over again. She was relentless and when they asked her why she just told them that she didn't want to forget anything.
Adam and Kim enjoyed the night out. They appreciated the effort of their friends not to talk about how shit their life was right now. They didn't talk about Polly and Sam; they didn't talk about the kids. They just had fun, they talked about their lives and work and all the fun they had in the past. Old cases, people they'd worked with or come across, there was plenty of stories to go around.
When they got home they had to go and say goodnight to the kids. Iris slept through it all, she was in bed with Alfie but he woke up, groggily said goodnight to his Pops and went back to sleep.
Mae woke up and came downstairs to talk for 'abit'. "Did you have fun tonight Pops?"
"We did." He cuddled up on the couch with her even though it was late and Kim had already gone to bed. Adam waited up because he had a feeling that he might get a visitor. He always had a feeling when Polly was going to come down and Mae was exactly the same. "It was nice to take MiMi out and you know she smiled a little bit."
"That's good. I missed you."
"We missed you too."
"Did you talk about Mom and Dad?"
"No, we didn't. Sometimes we don't have too." He wasn't sure what Mae would want to hear. "Kev and Antonio know how much we miss them and love them."
"Did you forget them?"
"No, that's impossible." He drew circles on her back, knowing that it calmed her down and she would eventually fall asleep in his lap and he could carry her up to bed.
"Good. I'm scared that maybe one day I might forget them."
"You know, I don't think that will be possible. They are part of you, they made you, and even if one day you don't think about them they will always be here." He leant down and kissed her head softly. "In your heart."
"Everyday Pops?"
"Every single day Mae, every single day."