"Pops. Can I ask you a question?"
Adam and Alfie were on the way home from the nursery because Kim had insisted that they needed to grow some vegetables. The kids loved growing stuff to eat at home and it was something they'd done with their Dad and they talked about it a lot. Slowly but surely they were getting their feet under them again. Everyday was still a rollercoaster though. "Sure Bud."
"When you were little did you make a wish on your birthday?"
Mae's birthday was coming up and she didn't want to celebrate it. It had been on everyone's mind though. Kim asked her if she wanted a little party but she just wanted the family to come over for some cake. She didn't want her friends to come although they were taking Mae and Alice to the movies. Alice had been a wonderful friend to Mae and Mae really liked her and talked about her a lot. Alice had had a sleepover a couple of times but Mae refused to stay at her place, she wasn't ready for that yet.
"I still do."
"Does it come true?"
"Sometimes. I wished for a bike one year and I got a bike for Christmas." Adam wasn't quick enough to realise what Alfie was angling at. He was just trying to keep him happy and have a nice conversation.
"Okay, and did you tell anyone? Rory says that if you tell someone your wish then it won't come true and it might not happen."
"Sometimes I told my Pops or my Mom. Wishes don't always come true though." Adam figured it out. "And I know it's disappointing but it never stopped me wishing."
"Okay." He nodded. "Did we get those things to hold the tomato's up?" Alfie changed the subject. "We need them."
Adam assured him he had all the required materials to grow tomatoes.
"Where's Dad?" Gus kissed his mom on the cheek. He'd dropped in after picking Viv up. She was off playing with Iris as soon as they arrived. She loved bossing her around and Iris was pretty happy to follow her around like a lapdog.
"Outside. Getting a lecture about how to grow tomatoes."
"He must be loving that?"
"Grinning and bearing it manfully." Kim chuckled a little. "Apparently Sam was the world's best tomato grower and imparted all his wisdom onto Alfie who now feels he needs to teach Adam. Something about having to grow food to feed his sisters." She looked at little wistful for a moment and then shook her head. "Go out and see them."
"How is he?"
"Oh Gus, some days I just don't know. He doesn't talk much at the moment." Gus hugged his Mom when he saw her hands shaking.
"So just like you then?" He wasn't wrong, Adam may not talk about Polly much but neither did Kim unless it was with the kids. They would talk about Polly and Sam to the kids but they neither really got into it with each other. All that side of it was too raw.
Kim shoved two drinks into his hands and told him to take it out to the boys. He watched his Dad and Alfie working away and it was a little bittersweet. It was such a cute scene and under any other circumstances it would have been just a perfect grandfather and grandson moment, now like most things it was tinged with sadness. It was still a beautiful moment though. "Bus." Alfie spotted him first. "We've been planting our tomatoes. My Dad taught me. I had to show Pops how."
"Of course you did. You know Pops could never grow anything when we were kids. He was a bit hopeless." He ruffled Alfie's dark hair and handed him his drink. "Still is."
"Lucky he has me now." Gus would never call him lucky, losing your parents when you are eight years old isn't lucky, but having the best Grandfather in the world to watch your back was.
They heard the door bang as Vivienne came charging out. "Daddy." She called out and both Adam and Gus saw it. The tears in Alfie's eyes. He heard Gus call Adam Dad all the time, he heard his friends talk about their dads but Viv coming outside and calling out for her Dad today upset him a little.
Adam squeezed his shoulder. "Come on Bud, let's plant the rest of these lettuces otherwise we won't get our salad vegetables and MiMi will laugh at us." Sometimes it was a simple as diverting their attention and other times it took a lot more work.
One step forward, two steps back.
"Happy Birthday my darling girl." Kim was anxiously waiting for Mae to wake up and they were all waiting downstairs with her presents. "I can't believe you are eleven today." Smothering her with kisses stopped her from crying. It was a big day for everyone. It was the first birthday they had to celebrate.
"Happy Birthday Mae." Iris was at least excited as she jumped up and down and yelled at her sister, she had been practising all morning with the help of her brother. Alfie was a little quiet and Lola was a little more subdued than Iris. Birthdays were usually a bit of a festival with streamers, balloons, you got to eat whatever you wanted and didn't have to lift a finger all day.
Adam and Kim weren't sure how big to go, Lola suggested that perhaps they weren't okay with the whole shebang and Alfie didn't want to do anything at all. So there were presents, later on there would be a family dinner of Mae's favourites and cake and that was it. There were no streamers, just a big group hug and a shit load of presents for her to open. Lola and Alfie had both bought her something and also got her a present from Iris, just like their parents always did.
Kim and Adam had gone overboard hoping that it would help. Adam made pancakes for breakfast before they went to school. She had begged them not to tell anyone it was her birthday. She didn't want people to know but she loved her presents, especially all the craft stuff she got and the puzzles, she loved puzzles at the moment and she couldn't wait to get home so she could start making something.
"Wish Mae." Iris was beside herself when they bought out the cake, she had helped Kim decorate it while Mae was at school. Mae wanted MiMi to make her cake; she didn't want a bought one. Polly had always made their birthday cakes and they were always chocolate. "Wish."
She closed her eyes and made her wish. Alfie leant in close and whispered in her ear. "It's my wish Alfie, I am making a wish." She protested. "Don't say anything, it won't come true." She blew out her eleven candles.
Adam had his arms firmly wrapped around Kim and he felt her knees buckle a little. They both knew what Mae was wishing for; every person in the room had the same wish and would have done anything to make that little girl's dreams come true. Adam now understood why Alfie was asking about wishes, he thought if more people asked for the same thing then it had to come true. He was going to make sure that Mae asked for the same wish he had.
Iris clapped and for the briefest moment everyone was happy. Alfie smiled, Mae was smiling and Lola couldn't stop the corners of her mouth turning upwards as they crowded around their sister. Whatever this had done to those kids, their bond was now even more indestructible and that gave them hope. If they were together they'd make it.
Lola sometimes surprised them. She did her best to take care of the other kids and make peace when they lost the plot. She talked to Pops a lot and MiMi was always there for her. She was quite rational most of the time.
Until they were invited to the zoo and then she dropped her bundle. Out of all of them Lola probably had the most memories of Lincoln Park, she had spent a lot of her early years growing up there.
"I'm not going."
Adam had been harassed all morning. Alfie was constantly bugging him for the time, Mae was dithering and had changed her outfit three times because she wanted it to be perfect and she was tyring to get Iris to wear something that she didn't want to wear. Her negotiating skills left a lot to be desired. "If you don't wear this you will look like trash and no one will take your photo." It seemed a little extreme but Adam learnt not to get involved. He'd been told several times that he as a boy and didn't understand clothes. That had started more 40 years ago, from the day Polly was born.
Iris just wanted to go see the 'nanimals'. She didn't care what she was wearing, as long as it didn't have a tag that was scratchy.
Kim had left him in charge while she went to a yoga class. She found that it calmed her mind; it gave her a few moments to lose herself and not think and those moments were hard to come by.
He spoke without thinking. "Can you not do this today Lola?"
"You don't care what I think."
"Right now, no I don't. MiMi will be home soon and we need to be ready to go."
"I am not going."
"Lola." He put his hands on his hips. It had been enough listening to the attitude from Mae he didn't need it from her as well.
"What? I don't want to go." Adam finally got it when she burst into tears. "I can't go Pops."
"Oh Lola Bear. Come here Darlin'." He held out his arms and Lola rushed into them and he just held onto her. She'd speak when she was ready.
"My Dad used to take me there all the time. I don't want to go without him. I miss him Pops, so much it hurts all the time." Every time they felt the knot of grief lessening something came along and tugged it tighter again. Today it was Lola.
"It was a special place for you and for your Dad. It was a very special place for your Mom too and you know that's where you were conceived and they got married there. It's part of you, all of you. I know today is going to be rough, and you've had some really rough days but I want to you try, I promise I will hold your hand the entire time. They are doing something special for your Dad, I think you will regret not going."
"What if I cry?"
"So what, you don't think I'll be crying?" Adam shrugged. "Mae, Alfie, Iris will be crying, MiMi will be a flood of tears, Heidi, Andrew, Gus, everyone will be crying Lola. There is nothing wrong with that. You know as well as I do it's only the people that you love the most that can make you feel like this. If you didn't care about them then you wouldn't feel sad, angry, hurt that they aren't here."
"Some days I don't want to feel like this anymore."
"Me too. I am not going to tell you it gets easier, because I don't think it ever get easier, but it does get different. It's always going to hurt and some days more than others. Today is going to hurt, maybe tomorrow too but maybe Monday it might not hurt quite so much, Tuesday might be a good day. Who knows?"
"You'll hold my hand?"
"All day Lola Bear, all day."
And he did, he held his granddaughters hand and felt her steps falter the closer they got to the gates. He just held on tighter, on the other side he had Mae while Kim was carrying Iris and holding Alfie's hand. They entered through the main gate, welcomed by the Head Zookeeper, Matt. He had worked with Sam for a long time and had been in touch with Adam a few times and he was determined to make sure Sam's legacy wouldn't be forgotten.
"Carter." Alfie saw him first, Sam's 2IC from Australia. They had become close friends when they were setting up the zoo and the kids loved him. Alfie reefed his hand from MiMi's and charged at his Dad's friend. "You came all this way? To see us?"
"I did." He hugged him to his body. "How are you my little mate?"
"I miss you, I miss home." Alfie was happy but Carter was tearing up. He had agreed to come; he had jumped at the chance but knew it was going to be a tough thing to see the kids again. Sam had been a big part of his life for such a short space of time, they spent a lot of time together and he enjoyed his company and Polly had welcomed him into their home and their life. "I miss Mom and Dad."
"Me too." Mae was also excited to see him and joined her brother in the hug but Iris and Lola hung back. Not that Lola was unhappy to see him, she wasn't but she wanted to stick close to her Pops. Adam shook his hand and he hugged Kim, holding onto her for a bit.
"I'm so sorry Kim. We miss them so much."
The kids had a million questions for him while they waited for the rest of the family to turn up. They wanted to know about the Lions, the elephants, the wombat, meerkats and anything else they could think of. It was nice to see them happy, laughing and smiling. Except Lola, she was quiet but she listened to everything. Today was her day to not do so well, they all had them and that was okay. Sticking close to her Pops was all that she needed and every time he felt her spinning he held on a little tighter.
"Right." Carter looked at Matt and he nodded. "Let's go see Ada. She's got something to show us." They knew that Ada had given birth a few weeks ago. The male Rhino calf was doing well but was yet to get a name. The kids were excited to see them both, as yet the baby had not been on public view they wanted the family to meet him first.
"He's so cute." Mae squealed. She climbed up on the fence to have a look, Alfie was beside her and they decided to get all four of them up on the fence and took a photo.
"He is, and he's got a big job ahead of him and he's also got a big trip ahead of him when he grows up." Matt told them. "He's off to Australia."
"Is he going to my Dad's zoo?" Alfie almost fell off the fence.
"He is indeed." Carter chimed in. "And we can't wait for Hollis to join us."
"Hollis?"
"That's what we've been calling him, we couldn't keep calling him baby." Matt chuckled. "Do you think we should keep calling him that?" It was the nickname that Sam had at work; everyone always called him Hollis.
"Yes."
"Pops, when Hollis goes to Australia can we go too?" Alfie was desperate to go back to Australia and he talked about it constantly. He loved it there and they did worry that he thought it would be the same old life back there, or perhaps he was hoping he'd feel closer to his parents there they weren't sure but he was always on about it.
"Well see bud." Adam ruffled his hair.
"We can stay with Carter, he said it's okay."
Heidi stood behind Lola as she was watching the Rhino's. She was such a beautiful girl, all the good parts of her mother, long legs, big brown eyes and eyelashes and an infectious laugh mixed in with bits of her Dad, dark hair and tanned skin with his crooked smile. "You okay sweetheart?" Heidi tucked her ponytail over her shoulder.
"Dad would be so happy. He loved Ada and he always talked about bringing one of her babies to Australia."
"He did. I remember him talking about bringing Ada to Chicago; it was his dream from the very start, when he first came back. He dreamed of falling in love with your Mom and having a family and of Ada and building an empire with her. I'm so proud of him."
"Mom would be happy too."
"Oh she would indeed." Heidi chuckled; Polly loved that damn animal as much as Sam did. "You know she told me that's what they used to talk about a lot when your Dad was back in Kenya and your Mom was waiting for him. They would talk about what Ada was doing and his dreams for her. When he bought her out here he was so happy, he was driving her across the country when Mae was born and when she had her first baby he had all of you down here watching. Even Alfie who was tiny." Heidi paused briefly. "This is what he wanted and he'd love that you are all here today."
"It's really hard Heidi. I didn't want to come today."
"I'm glad you did. Mom and Dad would be so proud of you. I'm proud of you, I know MiMi and Pops are too." Heidi slipped an arm around her shoulder. "You are such a beautiful girl Lola, you are going to be a superstar I can feel it because that's what your parents raised you to be. I look at you and see your Mom and Dad and that helps me through everyday. You Lola, and that raggy bunch…" she pointed at the other three. "…are keeping all of us from falling in a hole so deep we can't get out."
"I just want them back." Heidi didn't say a word; she just hugged her niece.