5 minutes and 38 cuts later, Lucy finally snapped out of her hypnotic trance. She put the knife down and looked at her stomach in shock and disgust. She just ruined an entire year's worth of progress in 5 fucking minutes. How..how? Her hands started to shake as the truth of the matter weighed itself on her like a ton of bricks. Tears were flowing like waterfalls down her face, staring at the red streaks on her stomach.

"Wow, you worthless bitch," her mind started, "you're such a fuck up that you ruined a perfectly good clean streak in 5 minutes? Wow, that's absolutely disgusting. You deserve to feel even more pain."

Lucy was deeply confused by the contradictory things her mind was telling her. She did what it told her to do, but now it's upset about it and it expects her to do what got it upset again. The confusion only seemed to add more pressure onto her, resulting in her stress levels to rise even more. She picked up the knife and strongly threw it against her wall in a fit of anger. This is the object that harmed her. This knife ruined her streak. Her breathing was starting to dwindle, her windpipe feeling like it was slowly closing up. She couldn't be here. She ran out of her bathroom to avoid being in an enclosed space, but it felt as if her own apartment was starting to close in on her as well.

"Get out," her mind said, "Get out. You need to get out. You're not safe here. Get out," it repeated. Lucy was so dazed that she didn't have the time or energy to think logically about what could possibly go wrong in her own apartment. She ran out onto the sidewalk, slamming her door shut behind her, her head tilted down as to not show off the fact that she was crying. Solely being outside wasn't enough. She needed to get away from her apartment. That's where it happened and that's where the knife is, so she needs to leave. It felt like someone was tying up her insides and squeezing all the air out of her lungs. She didn't want to be alone anymore. She needed a hug and she needed to hear someone else's voice. The first person that came to mind was Natsu, the person she almost always goes to when she's upset, but her mind quickly jumped up on that,

"You think he'll want to be around you after how you spoke to him? You disgusting piece of shit. You don't deserve to have anyone. You hurt everyone you talk to, you selfish whore."

She rapidly shook her head, trying to push away her own mind, but her thoughts were louder,

"He fucking hates you and you know it too. No one wants to deal with an insufferable bitch such as you. He doesn't want to be anywhere near you so don't waste his time bothering him."

She whimpered, her thoughts scalding her. She desperately wanted to apologize. She wanted to just hug him and cry in his comforting arms. She needed to be with someone and she wanted to be with him, but if she went against what her thoughts were telling her, she would have another episode, possibly a more extreme one.

'Well,' she thought, 'maybe I won't freak out as bad with Natsu there. He always makes me feel better anyways. He's my best friend.'

She started to walk to his house, her thoughts yelling at her to turn back with every step she took, but she kept moving forward.

"Stop!', it told her, "You're going to make a fool of yourself! He'd never want to be around an ungrateful piece of shit like you! Go back and suffer by yourself like you deserve!" it clamored. Every word it said only amplified her anxiety, the twisting in her stomach only getting stronger with every second, her lungs feeling like they're shrinking.

She started to run, thinking that the faster she got there, the faster she'd be okay. Natsu would be there for her, right? Natsu will make everything okay, right? She kept repeating this mantra over and over in her head until she arrived at his front door. Lucy didn't get the chance to knock before Natsu swung the door open.

"Get in," he said.

Lucy practically threw herself at him, squeezing him with the tightest hug, her tears soaking through his vest. He gently and comfortingly hugged her and rubbed her back while closing the door behind them. Her sobs echoed through his house. Despite being much smaller than her apartment, she felt significantly less claustrophobic in here than at home.

"What happened Lucy?" he asked softly, "Do you need anything?" Lucy's only response was a tighter squeeze. She clearly wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Did someone hurt you?" he asked, "Just nod or shake your head, okay? You don't need to say anything." he reassured. Lucy replied with a very small, hardly noticeable head shake. This removed a small amount of stress from his shoulders, but there was still a sense of looming dread hovering over him.

They both stayed silent for a few minutes aside from the cries that were slowly quieting down. Those minutes felt like hours. Natsu felt his blood boiling thinking of what could possibly be making Lucy so upset. He wanted to make things right for her, he needed to. The silence was broken by a small mumble coming from the blonde,

"I'm sorry," she uttered in a hardly audible voice, "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm sorry."

"Aw Luce," Natsu replied, "I'm okay. Promise. I'm not mad about that." he said as he started to gently run his hands through her hair.

Lucy was starting to stabilize and calm down. Her body stopped shaking, she stopped crying, and it was easier to breathe. Natsu, being quick to notice this, saw the opportunity to figure out the truth of what had happened. He had an incredibly strong suspicion about what occurred after he left, and a part of him didn't even want to find out, but he needed to figure out if he was right. The only thing worse than finding out was being left to overthink it, so he took a deep breath and asked,

"Where did you do it?" he spoke sternly, looking at Lucy with serious, tense eyes. Lucy tensed up, feeling an unpleasant chill course throughout her body.

"Do what?" she asked quietly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do. I know what you did and you know what I'm trying to say." Natsu pulled away from the hug to be able to look Lucy dead in her eyes.

"Where did you cut yourself?" he demanded, nearly cringing as he spoke. Lucy didn't know what to say. She stuttered for a moment, her mind being unable to form words.

"I..um..How did you know?" she asked, surprised. She didn't have the heart nor the courage to lie to her best friend. Natsu felt his heart sink hearing his worst fear come true.

"I could tell by the time you were holding a knife and then yelling at me to get out." he sighed heavily, squeezing her tightly once again. "Where did you do it?". Lucy said nothing and pulled up her shirt, revealing the series of red stripes on her stomach. Natsu pulled back a bit to look down at them and gasped, his hands covering his mouth.

"Oh my God," he mumbled, "Oh my God that's a lot." He was frozen, anxiety bubbling up inside him. "Is there more?"

Lucy shook her head. Natsu was minorly relieved, but his anxiety was starting to morph into anger towards himself. He should've stayed, he shouldn't have left, and he should've been there to help. Why did he have to leave when he knew what she was going to do? This is all his fault!

"Please don't think any less of me." Lucy spoke nervously. She didn't want him to think she was crazy or insane.

"Oh Luce...you don't have to worry about that." he said calmly. He then began to roll up his pants a bit, revealing several old scars on his thigh that were clearly from cutting.

"If I think less of you I'll have to think less of myself too."

Now it was Lucy's turn to be shocked. She never suspected that Natsu would ever do something like that. He was the chipper happy-go-lucky idiot dragon slayer. He would be the last person she ever suspected of experiencing something like this.

"Why? When did-" she asked, but was cut off before being able to finish her sentence,

"Lisanna's 'death' was hard on me. I used to do it every day, a lot of times a day after she 'died', but after a while, people found out, and I was forced to stop. I haven't done it in a long time, but I know what it's like Luce." he said as he rolled down his pant leg again, "I don't want to find out that you did this again. Please promise me you won't do this again. It's easier to quit this after the first time, but by the second or third it gets addictive. Do not do this again, you hear me?" he commanded.

"I know it's addictive. This isn't my first time doing this," she revealed. Natsu seemed stunned, his eyes widening.

"When was the first time?" he asked.

"Um..I was..13. It was the anniversary of my mom's death," she confessed. She felt so exposed and vulnerable sharing her past like this. Normally, she would hate this, but she felt okay around Natsu. It was like he was protecting her from things that already happened, and that made her feel comfortable.

"I,,I was a year clean b..before..um.." she was starting to struggle to breathe again. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes.

"I didn't mean to!" she spoke in a sob, "I didn't mean to I didn't mean to! I tried to stop myself but I couldn't!" she started to break down again, her body quivering again, her voice nearly raising to a yell.

"I'm sorry! I ruined everything! I'm terrible!", she shouted. Natsu squeezed her tightly again.

"Hey shh. It's okay. We all slip up. It's a human thing. You're not terrible for making a mistake. You didn't mean to do this. What matters is that you don't do it again."
Lucy wiped her tears away from her red, puffy eyes. Hearing his words of reassurance greatly relieved her anxiety.

"I won't do it again," she whimpered, "I promise." Her thoughts, which have been surprisingly quiet until now, seemed to have an issue with her words,

"You'll do this again. I'll fucking make you, you disgusting, worthless, vile piece of scum. Once you get home you're doing it again. It felt good, didn't it? You already fucked up anyways. Another round of cuts won't be the end of the world," it persuaded. Lucy tensed up and whimpered, trying to deflect the urges.

"You okay?" Natsu asked, feeling her tension.

"Go on," her mind said, "tell him what I just said. Tell him you're going to cut when you get home. Tell him you want to. He'll fucking hate you forever for wanting to break a promise you just made. You're so fucking disgusting," it scolded.

"I'm okay," Lucy whispered, being convinced by her thoughts, "It's just cold," she fibbed.

Natsu, believing her, broke off the hug and engulfed his entire body in flames.

"Is this warm enough for ya Luce?" he joked. Lucy couldn't help but chuckle at her friend's foolishness. Natsu smiled, seeming satisfied with her reaction.

There's the happy Lucy I know." he said. This made her smile even more. His dumb jokes never failed to get a laugh, no matter what the situation was.

"Hey Lucy, do you wanna head to the guild? We can take a job to take your mind off things!" he suggested. Lucy liked the sound of that. Maybe if she had something else to focus on, her thoughts won't bother her.

"Okay," she smiled. Natsu seemed ecstatic, his eyes glimmering and his smile beaming.

"All right! Let's go!" he shouted enthusiastically, grabbing her hand and leading her out the door, running full speed towards the guild.