That flashback chapter that I wasn't planning. This is the outcome of discussions on AHA, where I post this story too. Hope everyone likes these small looks into the past of the characters.
I hope the placement in the general timeline of the story will be self-explanatory, but if you have any doubts, ask, of course :)
Next chapter: Back to our regular programming.
To answer some questions from the reviews (thanks everyone!):
They will talk. Next chapter. I'm still tweaking it, because it has been written so long ago, it has to be adjusted to fit.
There was just one bag in Anne's room, and it contained exactly that kind of plant-derived matter that requires police assistance ;) The scene was just written from two points of view.
Yep, they did just have a conversation that meant something completely different to each of them.
And, some earlier question: the monstre chapter (12) is ~22k words. There will be no M-rated HEA for D&E, just an implication of one (I'm very bad at writing sex).
## A most beloved sister ##
The flat was dark when she hauled the bags of shopping into the kitchen. There was no sign of her sister - neither the dirty mug in the sink nor the cold tea in the other had been touched since the morning. There was also no trace of any kind of dinner having been cooked, which was a bit troubling.
"Lizzy? Are you there?"
There was dim light coming from the smaller of two bedrooms - more like an alcove in the wall than a proper room - but there was no answer forthcoming.
She placed the milk, the bags of frozen vegetables and the fresh produce in their allotted places in their tiny kitchen. She wanted to avoid it, but her anxiety pushed her to finally invade Elizabeth's privacy.
And there she was, in all her tousled, jersey-swathed glory, lying flat on her face on her bed, one slim foot outstretched, the other pulled up under her.
"Lizzy, what's going on? Have you eaten anything?"
Elizabeth groaned.
"Liz, you have to eat if you are supposed to write something. Can't do creative work if you don't fuel your brain."
"No difference" her sister mumbled finally. "I'm useless anyway."
"Elizabeth, what is this all about?"
Jane's "teacher voice" was lauded in their home neighbourhood as a power to be reckoned with. She could subdue even the worst little miscreants and control noisy toddlers in any numbers tried. That is, up to and including the panic at the local Little Miss contest, when someone's pet Chihuahua had got loose and bit one of the small contestants on her seat.
The same voice had next to no impact on her closest sibling. The one that needed her intervention the most. The one that tore herself apart trying to satisfy conflicting needs of everyone around her.
Still, as she waited, she noticed more and more, which gave her clues about the source of Elizabeth's distress.
The laptop closed and off.
A stack of papers, normally stored in a box under the bed, spread in a chaotic manner around the laptop.
Lizzy's favourite notebook, half under the wardrobe.
"Elizabeth, have you been throwing your things?"
"So what, if I have?" came a rebellious - and strangely trembling answer.
"Did you throw your beloved laptop?"
"I'm depressed, not stupid."
"Good to know" Jane allowed this without further comment. "Now, are you willing to tell me what precipitated this... act of chaos, or do I have to torture you with twenty questions? Only I don't stop at twenty, you know."
"Leave it, Jane."
"No."
"Jane."
"No."
"Jaaaneeeeyyy..."
Elizabeth was whining. Which meant the victory was near.
"Did you try to write your thesis today?"
"Yes" came a grumbled answer.
"Did you manage to write your planned five pages?"
"Yes..."
"Did you try to work on your grant project today?"
"Yes!"
"Did something go wrong in the project?"
Elizabeth sat up and scowled at her.
"Every. Bloody. Thing" she spat out and threw herself backwards, rather theatrically. "Including, but not limited to, total idiocy of the main specification writer, absolute stupidity of the main programmer, terrifying mental limitation of the chief tester and, last but not least, someone having set up the bug tracking program in such a way that it stopped adding timestamps to bug updates."
Jane blinked and sat down next to her sister.
"I thought you were working on this alone..."
Elizabeth's single visible eye glared at her from under the wild cloud of hair.
"Yes."
"So how come you have a writer, a programmer... Oh. I see."
Elizabeth shrugged.
"What could go wrong, did. Actually, more. The university e-mail server is down, and apparently, the building with the servers had been flooded. I accept responsibility for my own failures, but that, that is just aggravating."
"Don't you think you're being a tad dramatic? It's not the last day before the deadline - you have two years to work on it!"
"But I want to be done. I want to start on my PhD. I want to..."
"To show Papa girls can do it?"
"Papa knows perfectly well girls can do it. There are jerks in my group that are half his age, but behave as if they were twice. No idea how they managed to get that far without meeting a woman who would be competent at the keyboard, but apparently my skills make me unnatural and a good target for ridicule."
"Maybe they feel insecure? You know how people react when you do that little trick where you type on the keyboard and then you look up at the person who is talking to you and you keep typing as fast as you can? That freaks me out and I've known you your entire life."
"The last time someone commented on the speed with which I type, I told them that it's because girls' fingers aren't habitually curled up due to excessive wanking. Somehow that wasn't as generally appreciated by the rest of the group as their jokes about programming the washing machine, or the one about complicated electrical devices with three speed settings. Or the one about using excel to track my cycle. Wonder why."
Jane finally snorted.
"Yes, definitely insecure. Come on, Lizzy. Guys make jokes about female cycle only when they can't find anything else to throw at you. They can't say you're bad at math, because even despite that hiccup last year, your grades are fine. They can't say you aren't a good programmer, because you are the only one who had finished the Turbo Pascal assignment in two weeks instead of the whole semester. And not only you manage to wipe the floor with them in the main subjects, you're annoyingly talented - and I say this as your greatest fan, you are annoying with the amount of stuff you can do - you sing, you play the piano and you make things."
"Well, maybe I should have gone to a sewing school. Or something. At least I would have had tangible effects of my work. I could feel accomplished at the end of the day - that many vests and that many shirts. Or I could sew bras. Bras are interesting. And I could finally sew my own."
"And you'd have gone mad in three months of sitting in front of the machine. You can never keep at one craft too long because you grow bored of it and need to switch. Imagine, if you were actually working as a tailor, you wouldn't be able to say that now you want to crochet for another half year."
Elizabeth groaned.
"But it would have been useful. Not like... like this" she kicked her bare foot towards the heap of papers. "Nobody will ever see the actual outcome of what I'm going. It's not something I can print out, or run directly, or... or anything."
"Because you're writing the brain. The brain is never visible."
"Yeah" Elizabeth shuffled closer to her and sighed. "And that's why I'll always be the back office girl. I don't write flashy interfaces, I suck at graphics, but I can work out logic and write code. Well, or so I thought. I've been stuck on this... this crap for three days. I can't... Everyone will see that I'm absolutely hopeless..."
She pulled her unresisting sister closer and placed Elizabeth's head in her lap.
"Now, you listen to me, Miss Lizzy" she said sternly, running her fingers through the riot of waves. "You know what you're suffering from and I know."
"Mmmph."
Jane picked up a discarded wide-toothed comb and started pulling it through Elizabeth's hair.
"Repeat after me. Impostor syndrome."
"...stor syndrome."
"IMPOSTOR SYNDROME."
"Impostor syndrome."
"What does it mean?"
"That person who is qualified to do something anyway thinks she is a fraud."
"And you are qualified, Lizzy."
"mnot."
"You are. Usenix doesn't give grants to every stupid kid from the street."
Elizabeth hid her face in Jane's skirt, giving her the chance to comb through another part of the tangled chaos.
"You are competent, skilled and smart. You just need to... to do something else for a moment. If your computer froze and didn't do anything for a while, what would you do?"
Elizabeth mumbled something indistinct.
"Restart it, right? So I think you need a restart. Away from your computer, away from your papers. Charlie is having some event today, and you will come with me. You can wear that linen set you've made last year, it will be just fine. I will comb this out, then you pop into the shower and this time, please do use that conditioner I've bought, and then Charlie will pick us up. Now, move, you lump of laziness. Party."
"But, Jane... This will be, like, business. I mean, these people will be all serious and... and I'm just a stupid student."
"You are not stupid. You're intelligent, educated and you can easily talk to people about a variety of subjects. Just, you know. Relax and find a topic you know a lot about, and you will charm these suits in no time."
"I don't want to charm anyone. I..."
"Shower. Now. Or are you working on joining the ranks of computer engineers by trying to emulate the stereotype of an unwashed basement dweller from American TV?"
One golden eye glared at her angrily as Elizabeth curled up in her lap for a moment. Jane waited.
And waited.
"Fiiiiiine. But don't expect me to be too social. I have no idea what to talk about to a bunch of business degree holders."
"You talk to Charlie. That should be similar" she patted Lizzy's cheek.
"But Charlie is different. He loves you, so he was automatically predisposed to like me. If you said you were bringing a wild boar, he would have been predisposed to accept the boar, simply because you brought it."
"Up, you boar. Shower! And be social, as much as you can. Oh, and, Lizzy?"
Elizabeth yawned and turned back to her, picking up a discarded towel.
"Charlie says his best friend is going to be there today. You know. William."
####
## The balm of sisterly consolation ##
"Lizzy? What's wrong?"
Elizabeth sounded as if she was barely stopping herself from crying. Or, Mary considered for a moment, biting someone's head off. Elizabeth angry was sometimes just a step away from Elizabeth crying and depressive, and that was a step away from Elizabeth nursing a humongous migraine and attacking anyone who came near her.
"Mary... Do you still have that spare bed in your room?"
#
Three days. Three days at home was all it took to reduce Elizabeth from rebellious but optimistic about her future to angry and hurting. Three days of being constantly harangued by their mother and treated with cold silence by their father - each of them for a completely different reason, to make it harder for the good child to find a way to satisfy them both.
Mary had arrived, fished Elizabeth's second set of car keys from the bottom of her purse and very carefully moved the car to the front of the house. She didn't like driving, being even less of a fan of London traffic than Lizzy, but she could repark it if needed. Like right now.
Then she marched up the stairs, past the kitchen where her mother was now making noises of "stupid child, throwing away all that money, never mind the man, she should have stayed for the cash" on a loop, past the main room where Lydia was trying to make Adele stand up, up to their old bedrooms. And there was Elizabeth, packing the large bag she had left at their parents' house all these months ago, throwing together all her clothes, current and older, face red and eyes bloodshot.
Mina was sleeping quietly on Elizabeth's bed, so they moved in silence, combining the luggage into bigger, but fewer pieces.
"Thank you" Elizabeth whispered. "Mother is being... unreasonable."
"And, I suppose, father isn't helping."
Elizabeth shrugged.
"He's disappointed."
"He should be helping you, not freezing you out. Come on, most of the guys who make it to their engineering Masters aren't ready to actually live in real world, and you, you have a kid, you are actually a functioning grownup! And you had both the project and your thesis."
"Shh. Well, yes, but I have put my career in jeopardy, terrible, terrible thing. I have wrong priorities and I need to make up my mind what I want. Well, maybe I want both, so what?"
Mary patted her hand.
"You can. Now, let's go. I notified the dorm admin and they are OK with you living there with Mina, as long as you're a student. So, next three months at least."
"Three at most. I have to defend my thesis by the end of January, don't ask me why, even my advisor can't work it out. At least I've closed all the normal courses still up there, and professor Dunley was more than happy that he wouldn't have to go back to Derbyshire in the middle of the winter just to see me at my viva. He did everything for me, transferring my credits from there to his current college, making the chair of his department add me to the list even though I'm not going to be showing up for any courses and they are happy to just accept the basic fee, so I'll have more cash on my hands in three months. To tell you the truth, he must have something on the dean. I wasn't sure it was even possible to do this in less than a week."
She zipped the bag up and straightened.
"I've already put the mobile crib in the car yesterday" she said with a grin. "And my last shopping I just left there, so I have a lot of everything. Just need to make sure I have enough money for the next two months until all the costs are resolved between the universities."
"Ah, that" Mary shouldered one of the bags. "How do you feel about installing antiviruses and diagnosing Windows issues?"
Elizabeth looked at her in question.
"Not happy, but I can do it. Why?"
"My dear, dear sister. There is a whole floor of history and philosophy students who will gladly queue at your door if you agree to apply your magic to their poor, poor laptops. Half of them had already lost parts of their thesis, some of them actually print everything just in case their hard drives get eaten by an accident with something or other. And they will pay real money for it to be done, especially if they know you're not going to install something even nastier on their machines. Last year there was a group of blokes from the computer science department who advertised laptop servicing, but they were actually installing some very weird things on people's systems, and all the 'artsy' and soft part of the student population is leery now. If I vouch for you, and if you live with me for some time, they will trust you."
"And I can do several of these at once, they don't have to queue, actually" Elizabeth added happily. "That will be grand. And, in case someone needs something more complicated, like, I don't know, help with Excel or whatever, I can do it, too. I'll anyway write during the night, when Mina's asleep, so I can service some computers at the same time, as long as we can power them safely. And if someone needs training, well, up to them."
"OK, now, take her to the car and I'll take the bags. And let's get this over with before Dad comes home, or it will get nasty."
#
"Oi, Mary! You getting a new roommate at least?"
"Nah, I went out and found one on my own. This is my sister, Elizabeth" Mary pointed out to Lizzy, who was right now trying to pick up Mina in her car seat and not drop the diaper bag.
"With a kid?"
"She's got the permission, and we're at the end of the corridor anyway. Let the other computer idiots know that there is an actual computer science major on the floor and she's willing to service their crappy machines from tomorrow, including..." she shot Elizabeth a look.
"Including, if needed, training in Word, Excel and statistics, albeit the last one with certain disgust" her sister added, finally giving up on the diaper bag. "In exchange I accept money, babysitting hours and anything else you can offer in sufficient quantities, including shopping runs."
"And experimental therapy."
"Mary!"
"You will accept the damned yoga lesson if I have to sit on you" she threatened. "Lila, could you open my door? We have to get the little one settled down before she has a nervous breakdown."
"Mina is asleep" Elizabeth hissed.
"I was talking about you."
"That. Was. Brilliant" a wide-eyed sociology student accepted a floppy with his "lost" essay. "It's like, a week of my work. I can't thank you enough."
"That's fine" Elizabeth yawned. "Glad to be of use, sorry it took so long, but Mina really, really wanted to be walked around the whole block yesterday and now I can barely move" she rolled her shoulders and smiled weakly. "That was just a small one, but could I bother you for a shopping run in exchange? I just need basic stuff, like bread and so on..."
"I can do you one better" the guy smiled. "I will do the shopping, no problem. But my girlfriend, she's a fully-trained masseuse. She's been listening to me moaning about this for the last three days, and if I tell her you were the one who had managed to get it back, I'm sure she will be happy to help you with these shoulders. She does mine after I sit over my papers too long, and I can tell you, there is a difference."
Elizabeth nodded slowly, trying not to move too quickly.
"Sure, fine. Just get me these" she handed him the list and a few notes. "And if your girl can help me to stand straight, I'll pay her."
Mary snickered behind her hand, but Elizabeth looked rather willing to try even that. Hell, if the girl was that good, Mary would pay her just to see Elizabeth smile again. It was Elizabeth's birthday in two weeks and she deserved a proper gift this year.
#
"Magic. Just... argh... effing magic."
Adrianna kneaded her stiffened muscles into obedience, with Mina standing in her crib and making happy noises whenever she heard Elizabeth swear.
"This child will learn stuff she's not supposed to learn yet" Mary said, leaning back on her bed.
"...argh, damn. Ouch."
"Ouchie!"
"Yes, ducky, ouchie. Mama has an ouchie because... arghh... she's been carrying you for two hours... when you couldn't sleep."
"Buy a good baby carrier" Adrianna attacked another section. "Or you will hurt yourself. Now, this, does this hurt?"
Elizabeth yelled something very vulgar, which made Mina clap her hands in happiness.
"I'm guessing it does. OK, so, now, let's try here..."
#
"It's not a virus. It's a backdoor" Elizabeth grimaced. "Someone has been using your computer to do nasty stuff on the net."
The guy in front of her turned his laptop around and had a long, searching look at the back of it.
"Which one is it?" he asked decisively.
"What?"
"The backdoor. Which one of these is it" he pointed to the row of ports. "So I can plug it somehow. Nobody is using my laptop but me!"
"Let me explain it again."
Elizabeth sighed. This one would be hauling milk and water.
#
"Have you taken your meds?"
This was something Mary had to enforce. Elizabeth was getting better, but to actually progress properly she needed to actually the therapist's orders. In the first week, she had hauled her supposedly older sister by her collar to the nearest recommended shrink and nagged her into talking to the nice woman.
The nice woman was, in fact, very sympathetic and although she had a bit of a fixation on the idea that Lizzy should seek reconciliation with William, she didn't focus solely on that point. She accepted the fact that picking up contact broken in such a dramatic way may be a challenge and so provided other means of relief, starting from a session of guiding imagery for both of them - so that Mary could help Elizabeth later on - and ending with a carefully calculated dosage of anti-depressants and relaxants.
And they were helping. As long as Elizabeth was taking them, of course. And Mary didn't wish for a return of the depressed and guilt-ridden Lizzy, so, for their mutual good, she was ruthless in tracking the pills numbers.
Elizabeth looked up from the laptop she was torturing while her own project was recompiling (whatever that was) and smiled. Widely.
Oh, she had definitely taken them. Good.
"I'm taking Mina to the psychology girls in the afternoon, OK? They want to check how she reacts to various colour stimuli."
"Just make sure they don't stick her with electrodes, or something."
"Nah, just observation this time. Electrodes are next week."
"Next week is fine. As long as they don't shave her."
They giggled like crazies and Mina banged two blocks together, joining in.
#
"This will be the cleanest, safest and most secure floor, computer-wise, in the whole dorm" Mary watched as Elizabeth started yet another installation and turned back to her own keyboard. "They love you, apparently. There are news about a computer girl making rounds and every female who had ever got criticised by a computer major for having all her files on her desktop wants you to help her now."
"It keeps us stocked in milk and other heavy stuff. I started bartering with girls on the floor for tea and so on. Even got a haircut."
"Erm..."
"I didn't say it was a very good haircut, but it's what I can afford right now" Elizabeth was smiling at her and Mary had to agree, they couldn't be picky. But it was getting better. Elizabeth was getting better and, very quietly and somehow in the shadow, Mary was getting better, too.
Mina made three steps in Mary's direction and suddenly sat on her little, nappy-covered bum.
"Bah" she said in surprise.
"Yes, Mina, bah" Mary confirmed and gathered her niece in her arms. "There will be a lot of bah until you learn to walk properly."
"Bah!"
It would be nice one day to have one of these. The idea of bringing up a new mind, of shaping the way it sees the universe, of giving it the space to grow appealed to her. The only issue she found was that it usually involved a man's intervention to produce it.
For the time being, she could practise on Mina, who seemed quite willing to participate.
####
## Vanity and pride are different things ##
A public presentation.
She was going to die.
Some universities were merciful and made the vivas private, but no, here and now she had to present her work in front of general audience. Including her father. And whoever else would come.
She felt quite ready to throw up everything she had eaten in the previous two months.
"Now, Lizzy, have you eaten anything today?"
Mary's voice pulled her back to reality.
"Yes. A yogurt and some saltines" Elizabeth was shaking from both chill and nerves, so her answer came a bit clipped.
"Tea for you then. And don't you even protest. I have it here" she brandished a thermos flask. "Now, your cup, and drink. You'll be warmer and your stomach will settle."
"I can barely swallow anything" she whispered. "How can I talk to people? How can I actually defend that stupid thing?"
"It is not stupid. And the only people who are allowed to ask questions like you anyway. I've heard one of the examiners saying that it's the most interesting thing she had read in the last five years and that she is jealous of professor Dunley that he had managed to snag you."
"Mary!"
"And the other one said she wants to see you explain that SWOT analysis. And that he has some questions that pertain to the generalities of the model, rather than your specific work."
"Mary, you shouldn't... How did you hear this?"
"They were standing below the toilet window" Mary snorted. "Having a smoke, I suppose. Hey, they seemed a bit nervous, too."
Elizabeth breathed deeply.
"OK, how do I look? Too dressy? Too casual?"
Mary looked her up and down with a critical eye.
"Shoes low, that's good, less risk that you will trip. Everything clean. And that red scarf cries 'I'm an individual, look at me', which is good."
"I have to take it off" Elizabeth's hand fluttered up. "No way I'm shouting for attention like this!"
Mary's fingers stopped hers.
"I'll loosen it up for you, but don't remove it and don't play with it, no matter how much your fingers itch. It's nice. If you remove it, you will be just all the others. Remember, don't touch it. If you need to do something with your hands, stretch your fingers, one by one, but out of sight."
"I love you, Mary."
"Go and knock them flat. Jane is out there with Mina, and Kitty is helping her. I'll have all your things with me, so your task is only to answer the questions and be your smart self."
Elizabeth sighed and nodded.
#
The next two hours were - when she later thought of it - a long jumble of questions, her own trembling voice, whispers amongst the examiners and her nervous watching the door. Which never opened. There was no tall, dark figure among the audience, no second dark-haired child held up to see her mother, no pair of piercing blue eyes watching her from anywhere in the chamber.
As she detailed her approach to the SWOT analysis, her voice failed when she came to the point of "business opportunities" and she had to ask for more water before she could continue.
And finally it was done, and people were coming up to her to congratulate her, shake her hand, pat her shoulder or just have a look and smile. Everyone seemed to smile at her that day. Everyone that came, rather.
As slowly as she could, she went through the next steps - she took back sleeping Mina, hugged Jane and Mary, received a kiss from her father, collected her documents, got informed when and where she would be able to pick up her actual diploma and... nothing.
There was no William.
And no Rose.
#
"You will need a place to live now that you're no longer a student" her father remarked a bit absently. "And we have a flat - that one which your aunt Olivia owned before she moved to Spain - and we have just lost the two students who were renting it, due to a foreign exchange program, and there are no people interested in it at this time of the year."
"But, Dad" Elizabeth sighed. "I've only received a proposition for a minor job at the university, and that's not enough money..."
"As long as you can pay the costs, it will do" he said quickly. "It's better to keep it occupied than to let it stay empty, and it's close to the main campus."
"If you put it that way" she smiled wanly. "I think I... That will be fine. Thank you."
"Don't think of it. I'd much rather have you in one safe place than trying to find a better spot every three months, like some of my assistants do."
"And it will be much more stable for Mina" she added, watching her daughter intently stacking some bricks and Adele regarding her curiously.
"Well, that too, yes" her father confirmed quickly. "But my main objective is to have you safely placed in a nice walking distance from work. Nobody should be forced to use London public transport unless they absolutely must."
"And when I pick up some smaller jobs - there are a lot of chances to do freelance programming, once I have time to advertise - I'll have money for something bigger" she mused. "That will work, Dad. Thanks."
#
She looked around the flat, marvelling at the way her meagre belongings were swallowed by the huge wardrobe and cupboards. The only object that actually took space was placed in the second bedroom - to-be-Mina's-bedroom - still safely in its linen cover.
Her "graduation gift".
Her very own electric piano.
"So that you can practise whenever you want" Mary said with a smile. "They keyboard is like in a normal piano, not like in one of these plastic monstrosities. It actually reacts to pressure properly. I tested it. And if you have a need to play in the middle of the night, well, that's what the headphones are for. No more 'shut it down, people want to sleep', no more renting the pianos at the centre at stupid rates, no more tuning."
"I happen to like tuning" Elizabeth smiled. "But I love this. Oh, this will be perfect. At least until Mina is mobile enough to pull it off the stand and on her own head, but I hope by that time I'll have moved somewhere else and I'll have appropriate space for it. And once she starts learning, I suppose I'll have to use the music centre pianos anyway, to make sure she knows the instrument itself, before using this one."
"You are a traditionalist at heart, Lizzy" Jane hugged her as she set the last box down and rubbed her own back. "Is this all? How do you live with so little?"
Elizabeth shrugged uncomfortably.
"I didn't have time to pack really" she managed not to tear up. "So, most of my stuff... And you, Mrs Bingley, were not supposed to pick up anything."
"OK, so we'll need to organise things for Mina" Jane sidestepped the topic deftly. "You'll need at least ten changes of everything, I suppose, and at least one more bedding set, and..."
"Yes, yes. Aunt Jane. We'll go tomorrow. I have my last two scholarship instalments, so I can afford some clothes. Let's just hope this can be done quickly..."
"Shopping! Quickly! Impossible!" Kitty laughed from the kitchen.
"Well, if you make it last too long, I'll go home and order everything on-line!"
"Blasphemy!"
####
## Extraordinary sources of happiness ##
Her head was swimming from exhaustion, her body felt bruised all over, all her muscles were screaming in outrage at having been abused in such a manner. She could barely raise her arms. The lights were too harsh, the air was too cold and, in general, all she wanted to do was to fall asleep and could someone, please, give her another blanket and take all these people away?
Sleep now, you won't get any chance once they're born.
Her mother's voice was somehow louder than the people around them.
You won't have a bleeding free minute for the next two years, Elizabeth.
Her father's surprised and somehow disappointed face looked down at her.
She couldn't move, her tailbone protesting at any kind of pressure, her throat scratchy from crying, her muscles, yes, still protesting loudly.
Also, her breasts were aching. Again.
She had no idea if she would ever be able to sit down comfortably.
"Shh, little one."
She must have blacked out for a moment, because there was an arm around her shoulders, and another one was handing her a squirming, protesting, red-faced bundle of yellow cotton blankets.
"Liz?" a warm breath on her cheek. "Liz, come on. Hold her."
She raised her arms - barely - and he wrapped her hands around their daughter.
"Come on, she..."
The angry little face - who wouldn't have been angry at such treatment? - turned towards her and the slitted, swollen eyes opened. An intense gaze of a completely unfocused pair of blue eyes fell on Elizabeth and the creature sighed. Just a bit.
"Oh" she said finally, her voice broken. "Oh."
"Aand the other one" William held another bundle - this one in a green blanket. "Come on, Liz. Say something. They will know it's you, you've been talking to them all the time."
"But, Will" she sighed. "They won't. It's..."
Another pair of equally crystalline blue eyes opened and stared angrily at her.
"They are probably blaming me for that Chinese I ate last weekend" she said tiredly and sighed.
Both bundles sighed right back.
"You see, they know you. They know you're their mother."
"I'm sure they don't. They just remember my voice."
"They do. They've imprinted on you already!"
"It's ducks, William. Ducks imprint. Not human beings."
"Maybe they are a bit like ducks, and they did."
She finally raised her head and rested it on his arm, turning her face to rub her cheek against the blue cashmere.
"Maybe they did. Like little ducklings."
She looked down at them again, watching as he brushed away wisps of hair from one frowny forehead, then slightly trailed his fingers down the tiny nose and covered the tiny, blanket-swaddled body. As he reached to repeat the motion with the other girl, Elizabeth noticed something and groaned.
"Liz? What's wrong? Lizzy?" she saw him checking the children, but caught his wrist in her free hand, stopping him.
"William" she whispered, stressing his name to make him look at her. "What time is it?"
"Twenty-five past midnight..." he blinked, looking at her.
"Oh, God. I thought it was still Saturday" she groaned, gathering the girls up to her. "Please, please tell me they weren't born on both sides of midnight. Please?"
The nurse snorted and patted her shoulder.
"I'm afraid they were, Elizabeth" she said. "I wish you all the luck when resolving the issue of the birthday parties. And cakes. And gifts."
"Can't we fix it to make them both be officially born on the eleventh?"
"I'm afraid it's supposed to be exactly the day when they, ekhm, appeared. If only you held on to the first one for five more minutes..."
Elizabeth sighed.
The twin bundles sighed back right at her.
"Two parties" he murmured in her hair. "Two big, screaming, indoor kid parties. It will keep our life interesting, that's for sure. In October it will be hard to throw everyone out into the garden."
"No way. We'll make a rule. Last Saturday before their actual birthday. Both at the same time. Or we will have to listen to the younger one wailing for the whole day before she receives her gift. I still remember Lydia complaining about Kitty being a year older and receiving everything earlier and that isn't something I wish to hear again, and with much better justification behind it, too."
"My reasonable Elizabeth."
####
## The attachment of the sisters ##
Georgiana looked like a death warmed over. In a navy blue coat and electric orange scarf.
Lizzy discarded the fabric sampler she was perusing and hastened to help the younger woman out of her strangely mismatched outer clothing. She found herself stared at by the same blue eyes as the older brother's - but Georgiana's were bloodied, puffy and strangely unfocused.
"Wh... Why are you here?" she heard as the first thing, more than ten minutes after navigating Georgie to the sofa. "Not... that I mind... but isn't it... school day?"
"No hours on Friday for me this semester" Lizzy provided quickly. "Luckily, that lets me catch up with the prep for Jane's wedding. I was just waiting for William to come so that we can devise a plan to make these two finally choose the bloody cake, or this party... Georgie?"
The girl was shivering.
"Georgiana, what happened? And don't say 'nothing', because I see you're not fine. Are you sick?"
"May... maybe. But- I think someone..."
"Oh. My. God. I have to call William."
"No! No, no, don't call William. No, please" Georgiana's voice broke on the last word and Lizzy put the phone away. "I mean, I think, I was at my friend's place - in her dorm, they have that big place for parties - and I think..."
"You don't remember?"
"N-n."
"How much time did you lose?"
"The part-ty was yesterday evening" she was stuttering. "And I was just g-going to pop in for, like, an hour. And t-then it was noon and I was late for classes and I feel..." she blushed.
Elizabeth sighed.
"But do you remember anyone you were talking to? Anyone who was sitting too close, or behaved weirdly?"
"N-no. Just normally, people bumping into each other. Some p-pair making out on the sofa. A few blokes trying t-to chat me up, but nothing very... intense."
"OK, so no specific person in the time you remember. Did you see anyone you knew? And didn't talk to? Is it possible..."
"One g-guy" Georgiana said thoughtfully. "He used t-to come here a lot. His dad was one of Father's estate managers. He played with William and Father liked him. Promised his dad to help him with his uni payments if he specialises in banking" Georgiana rubbed her whole face. "George! George Wickham! He used to make jokes that I was named for him."
"If he's William's age, what was he doing at a dorm party for kids ten years younger?"
"Eg-xactly" Georgiana confirmed. "I t-think it might have been him. He walked by my spot a few times on t-the way to the loo. If he just dropped them in my d-drink..."
"Well, he sounds probable then. Statistically speaking, most... violence is perpetrated by a familiar person."
"G-god, I'm such a st-tupid idiot...'
"No, no. He's a predator. You're just normal. Now, there are different things we should do. First, definitely notify William. Second, go to the police. Third, go to a surgery in town to have you looked at and checked. Who knows what that criminal..."
Georgiana shuddered and moaned, shaking her head.
"Come on, Georgie. First stop, police station."
#
Georgiana managed to talk Elizabeth out of calling William, but only barely. She sat in Lizzy's car, shaking just a bit, and looked pleadingly until the older woman caved in.
Their visit to the A&E was, surprisingly, more comfortable than the visit to the station. At least the A&E doctor didn't ask suspicious questions like "maybe you did it to yourself" or "are you trying to get back at your boyfriend like this" but immediately helped Georgiana up to the examination chair and even allowed Elizabeth to stay with her during the whole procedure.
"Obvious signs of forced intercourse" she mumbled. "Bruising, tears... and you have no memory of this?"
Georgiana shook her head.
"Roofied" Elizabeth provided. "Is it possible to trace them in her blood now?"
"We can try."
"What about other tests? And a morning-after pill? It's much less than the suggested 72 hours, but she should take it immediately, I'd say - as far as I know, the sooner, the better."
"I'll tell the nurses to give you one. Have you been to the police?"
They both made a soft noise.
"Georgie can't give them a definite description or even a place, so it's obviously not enough for them" Elizabeth said darkly, hugging the younger woman.
"Right. If I had a quid... Now, we need to draw blood for several tests. Just to be on the safe side."
#
They very carefully checked and packed all of Georgiana's clothing - just in case the police came asking.
If they are able to pull their heads out of their backsides Lizzy thought angrily.
They washed, cleaned and dressed all the little abrasions they or the doctor had found. Apparently, Georgiana had felt better with Elizabeth helping her with that than the A&E nurses. Well, Lizzy just fished out her digital camera and asked to make photos of the parts of Georgie's arms and knees. In case, again, the police came asking. The doctor had made her own photos, but who knew how long it would take if they needed to retrieve them.
They spent the rest of the Friday evening curled up on the sofa, eating crisps with a cheese sauce and drinking tonic with lemon, which they found they shared an affinity to.
When the program changed from classical music to some nature documentary they didn't have enough energy to get up - and Lizzy definitely didn't want to go home at that hour. One-handed, she texted Jane not to worry about her and then pulled a blanket over herself and Georgiana, who had meanwhile fallen asleep with her head in Lizzy's lap.
She leaned back and sighed.
There would be blood results to be picked up, in two weeks.
Hopefully, it would be all clean. Hopefully.
She woke up when William unlocked the door, the light spilling from the corridor into the sitting room.
"Liz? What hap..."
"Sh. Georgie is feeling poorly. She fell asleep on me and I can't move."
He stood there, blinking and trying to understand.
"I... I met up with Charles and I was texting you to tell you..."
"I was a bit busy with Georgiana. Took her to see a doctor and everything. She needs to sleep now, mostly."
"OK, so... give me a second."
In a blink, he was back with a pillow and he knelt by the sofa, freeing her from Georgiana's weight.
"Put it under her head quickly" he directed and then released his sister to lie back again. "She'll be fine here, this sofa is actually rather comfy. Come on, Liz. You need to have some sleep in a better position."
"I'll call a taxi..." she began, yawning.
"I'll drive you tomorrow" he suggested. "I can find you something to sleep in and you could take Georgie's room..." he trailed off. "Or not?"
She mock-frowned and looked up at him with a small smile.
"I'll take 'or not', but I'm so tired I just need you to hold me, nothing more."
He pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"I will. Now, shower?"
"Oh, definitely a shower" she groaned.
"Let me just find you some towels..."
####
## A charming man ##
"They look so completely different, for cousins" Lydia's remark was unexpected and Elizabeth jerked away, surprised. "What? Still afraid of your own shadow?" her youngest sister smiled wickedly. "Boo!"
Elizabeth swallowed and turned away.
"Her father has black hair and I'm the darkest of us five. It would have been weird if she was blonde like Adele."
"Good thing being a dick isn't a common feature of all black-haired blokes. Or all blokes from Derbyshire" Lydia sounded rather delighted with herself. "Some are nice. Some are nicer than nice."
Elizabeth stiffened.
"I dare say you would have liked my boyfriend better than that frigid idiot you've been sleeping with. George was always nice - so caring and attentive. He picked me up from school and if nobody was waiting home, well, we would spend some time together, if you know my meaning."
Oh, she knew.
"George? So why hasn't been there a sign of him since?" she asked innocently. "I've never actually seen you with a bloke. At least William showed up for Charlie's wedding."
"Because he was Charlie's best man" Lydia pointed out "and not because of you."
"Well, at least Charles and Jane know him. Nobody has ever met that George of yours."
"I knew you'd be jealous!" Lydia exploded suddenly. "You want to spoil everything for me! Just because George loves me and wanted me even though I was just a kid and your William threw you out. You're old, and bitter, and jealous!"
"William didn't throw me out. I left, because... If George really loved you he wouldn't be staying away all this time" Elizabeth simply couldn't stop herself. "Or maybe he got bored with dating a kid?"
Dating a kid.
Wait a moment. Adele is...
Ooh, Lyddie, what have you done.
Sudden smack on her arm roused her from deep thought.
"I am not a kid" Lydia snarled. "Whatever you all may think, I can make my own decisions! And I don't need anyones interference, family, police or stupid social workers. So, buzz off, Lizzy. You are no saint either."
Elizabeth rubbed her shoulder with a grimace.
"I wasn't the one who started comparing boyfriends" she snapped back. "Mine at least has..." she swallowed the rest of the sentence as she saw Lydia flush red.
"Your William... William Darcy of Pemberley" Lydia started and then her eyes widened. "You know, I'll tell you, just to watch you cry. Because I know something. Your William, your lovely William, Charlie's best friend, do you know who he really is? A cheat. And a thief! And he stole from his childhood friend, just because he could! His father left George money for his university and your William stole them. Just like this" she snapped her fingers.
Elizabeth felt her stomach churn and she stepped back to lean on the wall.
"I may be a stupid kid, sister, but I know things. I know what kind of a guy dear Mina's father really is. I feel actually a bit silly I didn't put it together before, but there can't be that many William Darcys in Derbishire, can there?"
She laughed in Elizabeth's pale face.
"Now you see, Lizzy, you are no better than me, at all. At least I didn't shag a thief."
Oh, Lyddie, Lyddie. If only you knew.
#
The policewoman at the counter looked up at Elizabeth curiously.
"Can I help you?"
Elizabeth breathed deeply.
"I was wondering if you could help me" she began and paused. "It's about my sister and a guy who seduced her when she was fifteen."
The woman's face tensed.
"Do you have any proof? Anything specific?"
"The fact that my niece was born less than half a year after my sister's sixteenth birthday, is this a good point to start?"
"Ah. Yes. Please, come inside. I will call someone to talk to you."
Elizabeth sighed again.
"Thank you."
She was going to be thorough.
####
## The proudest, most disagreeable man ##
William was being an ass.
That much he could easily deduce from the looks sent his way by all the old cats sitting together with Elizabeth's mother. He was apparently not enough of a gentleman. Well, screw them.
His only focus was Elizabeth, obviously.
Well, he had to admit, he was supposed to be paying some attention to Charles, too. But standing next to Elizabeth in church, watching her in the ivory-cream dress (not that he saw any difference in the colours), he imagined fondly what she would look like during their wedding. Not that he had offered, not as such, but, well, he was allowed to dream.
Having delivered a reasonably successful speech that touched both Charles' university days, two funny general purpose stories and his relationship with 'the most delightful Jane Bennet' he could finally lose his official stiffness and move his attention to the one Bennet sister he actually did find delightful (Jane was, in his opinion, tolerable, but too sweet by far).
Elizabeth was pushing her meal around her plate while maintaining a polite-ish kind of conversation with the rotund man just next to her. She didn't look desperate, per se, but it didn't seem to be a very engaging kind of exchange.
Also, her plate was still full.
Wonder who served this to her. I can see myself eating even twice of this, but...
There was a large blob of potato puree (one forkful eaten), a heap of salad (very sweet dressing) and a piece of meat with some fruit-derived sauce. He had barely noticed his portion above "edible, not to be repeated soon", but Elizabeth watched it with barely concealed disgust.
He snagged the sleeve of a passing waiter, as the man didn't react to a spoken entreaty.
"Would it be possible to get something less sugary?" he asked in low voice. "I'm afraid some of us don't eat sweets for every meal."
The waiter looked searchingly at his empty plate and then shrugged in incomprehension.
"Not me" William weaved. "The bridesmaid."
That seemed to help, and the man approached Elizabeth, who in turn smiled at him and nodded gratefully as he picked her almost full plate. The moment it was lifted off the table, Mrs Bennet emitted the first squawk to the tune of "how can you, it's the family's favourite", which accompanied the man all the way to the kitchens.
Thorough the argument (when Mrs Bennet demanded the plate to be returned at once and the waiter had, rather wisely, declared the content had been trashed - the ten pound note that William had slipped him might have helped a bit) Elizabeth was sitting silently with her eyes firmly on the place where the plate used to be. She was quite probably ready to just wait it out, but he couldn't stand it and decided to intervene. Without causing a scene, if possible.
At least he wasn't the one shrieking, now was he?
#
It turned out that the dish, created apparently by one of the Bennets' great-grandmothers, was a traditional part of every family gathering that involved a sit-down dinner. Including weddings. And everyone was supposed to eat their portion no matter what their personal feelings towards sweet dishes were.
William's opinion on the familial duty and eating went unsaid due to him catching - at the very last moment - Elizabeth's eye just as she was shaking her head at him. He relented, but still, he scowled.
And was branded, by Mrs Bennet, as the most annoying, irritating and hard to please man she had ever had the misfortune to meet. He, in turn, had deemed he to be an annoying, small-minded twit. So they were even.
From there the situation only went down. Even him making an innocent remark about Lydia being maybe too young to stay long into the night was taken as an insult against Mrs Bennet's child-rearing abilities. He could say nothing without one or another Bennet (or Gardiner, or Philips) looking at him in disgust and the last straw was him not knowing the local traditions of various games revolving around the new couple - from Charles identifying Jane by her knee, when blindfolded (made extra funny by adding a male cousin to the small lineup of ladies) to dancing with baloons held between partners' stomachs.
When that humiliating experience was done, he went outside, despite the snow and chill, to collect himself.
"...for her sake, I hope the money is good."
"It has to be, for her to have stayed that long. Imagine watching that scowl every day over coffee for free."
"She had never been very practical, I think. I hope she will be, now. Catch and hold him with both hands, I'd say, and then close your eyes and think of England."
She giggled, in that special way that older women use when they tell a salacious joke and want to draw everyone's attention to it.
He felt himself turn cold, but the moment he stepped back into the room and looked over the tops of people's heads he saw Elizabeth watching him intently. She gave him a tremulous half-smile when she caught her eye and then turned back to Jane, who was being danced with by some elderly relative with obviously more enthusiasm for the exercise than ability to step in correct rhythm.
He made his way to her and stayed by her shoulder for the rest of the evening - but that was apparently also an error, because he had left Charles alone, and that was also some kind of sin against the role of the best man - even though him keeping the bridesmaid's company meant he saw the groom almost exactly as much as Elizabeth saw Jane.
Well, he couldn't make everyone happy, so he decided to focus on that strange, tiny woman that the wedding preparations had brought once again into his life. He was not letting her go anytime soon.
####
## Charity itself ##
Rose was sleeping in her cot, arms splayed, cheeks rosy, pink lips parted in a slight huff.
He had moved the cot from the nursery to their- his bedroom two weeks after Elizabeth's departure. After repeatedly having cursed the chill of the corridor and the heavy door he had to deal with while carrying a fussing baby.
One more point for me being blind as a bat. I often wondered why she preferred to sleep in the chair in the nursery, well, now I know.
A pot of tea was slowly cooling on his desk and he looked into his cup with a sigh. He needed to keep awake just half an hour more. Rose would be waking up, as she usually did, and he could still do some work in that time.
She would be turning two in ten days.
They would be turning two.
Charles provided him with sporadic updates on Lizzy and Mina, but it was never enough.
Growing up.
Working a lot.
Living on their own (address in the custody documents, not changed since).
Managing well enough.
Walking in parks a lot.
Not engaging in new relationships.
Spending a lot of time with Mary.
Spending a lot of time with Mary's friends.
He swallowed the rest of the tea.
Ten days was plenty of time for a letter, wasn't it?
He didn't want to call. A call would be too intrusive.
A call would demand response, and pressing Elizabeth for a response was- not the preferred way of doing things.
A text? Well, a text was... impersonal. Who knew what she would feel if he tried to cover everything in one limited missive.
Letter was good. Letter gave him a chance to think, to consider. To word it all properly. Letter was personal. Letter wasn't a blackmail to "answer me at once".
There was a package of novelty stationery at the bottom of one of his desk drawers, somewhere. Elizabeth had laughed for good five minutes when she bought it - all printed in little houses, something appropriate for a real estate agent or a man who wants to help others build their dream homes. He never got to use it - too childish for company use, too important to just use up for notes - so now was the time to break it out and use it in the most appropriate manner.
There it was, a recycled cardboard box held together with a piece of paper string, with a single house stencilled on it.
He pulled out one of the sheets, tracing the design with the tip of his finger.
Dear Elizabeth,
I hope both you and Mina...
He cursed, folding it and pushing to the bottom of the box, then fetching a plain sheet from the printer. A draft. Better to write a draft than waste the stationery.
#
Elizabeth,
Pemberley is empty without you two.
#
Elizabeth,
Please
#
Elizabeth,
I hope you are w
#
Elizabeth,
I love y
#
Elizabeth
I'm sorry for
#
I'm sorry.
####
So? What do you think of William now? Lydia? Others?
(how do you like Mary?)
Disclaimer: I have absolutely no idea how a procedure of moving between universities would work or how Mary could have managed to get Elizabeth approved to live in her dorm. I'm calling licentia poetica on this one.