Chapter 3

"Suspended?" Ethan repeats. Everything's stopped, all of a sudden; he can't concentrate, heart pounding almost painfully loudly and yet at the same time his hearing seems to be gone, a moment ago he was almost certain he could hear sobbing from upstairs, gentle reassurances, but now he can't seem to hear anything at all… "Alicia… suspended?"

"Suspended, yes," Mr Nicolescu confirms. "Dr Munroe is perfectly aware of the terms of her suspension…"

"Which are?" Ethan pushes urgently.

Suspended… Alicia, suspended, it doesn't make sense…

"I'm not at to discuss that with you, Dr Munroe knows to contact me should she have any further…"

"Listen..." His mind is racing… he's about to be hung up on, he's certain of it, but he can't let that happen, he needs to understand.

If he's going to help Alicia, he needs to know what he's dealing with, and the chances of Alicia explaining seem practically minute all the while she's like this.

"Listen… I'm her partner, I'm a consultant at Holby ED, I completely understand the importance of confidentiality…"

"I wasn't aware she had a partner."

"We were on a break, when she first took the job," Ethan lies hurriedly. "Look, she's… I'm with her, she's clearly very distressed… she's going to kill me for saying this… something has obviously freaked her, I'm struggling to get her to communicate with me at all and I'm at the point of taking her into the ED, in all honesty, so if there's anything you can tell me that might help me to help her… well, I would really appreciate it if you tell me."

Mr Nicolescu sighs. "Alright. Alright, I can… well, I can imagine. I'm going to shut the door, hold on a moment." There's a momentary pause on the other end of the line, a flurry of movement, and then he picks up the phone again. "I'm only willing to give you minimal details…"

"That's fine…"

"Alright. Dr Munroe… well, I didn't interview her personally, the fellowship directors handle the application process, but I was under the impression she was something special. And indeed, I saw glimpses of that, the first week or so she was with us. But right from the start… I thought she was just nervous, at first, she was jumpy, she was easily distracted, lots of minor mistakes, I'm sure you know the kind of thing. I understand this position was a significant promotion for her. Perhaps one rather beyond her capabilities, it would seem."

"I…"

"She's become increasingly withdrawn over the last few weeks, she's been aloof with the rest of my staff almost since day one, she's refused all my attempts to provide her with an opportunity to disclose anything that's affecting her ability to practice. Her communication with her patients is… well, it's declined rapidly, in the time that she's been here. Her work's become sloppier and sloppier- inadequate, really, I'd expect better from a medical student, it came to my attention this week that the nursing staff have been covering for her where they can for some time now. She's ignored all my requests to discuss her behaviour and her practical abilities with me, she blatantly refused to meet with me in my office on more than one occasion this week. I finally cornered her earlier and offered her a chance to explain herself, she didn't say a word. I had no choice but to suspend her, given the circumstances. I'll be contacting the fellowship directors first thing…"

"Listen, I… I know this isn't my place," Ethan stammers awkwardly. "If you've already made up your mind then… well, this is nothing to do with me, I completely accept that. I understand. But you should know… before you contact the directors, you need to have the full picture. This isn't…"

This isn't any of his business, Ethan reminds himself. That's the truth of it. This is absolutely none of his business, Alicia dumped him, if she knew he was having this conversation she would be utterly furious, and quite rightly so…

Except Alicia as she was before she left would be furious with him, he realises, heart sinks. The Alicia upstairs, trembling with fear, unresponsive… would she even react?

No, Ethan decides. He has to do this.

For her.

Even if she hates him for it now, perhaps she might thank him eventually.

"This isn't Alicia," he settles on at last. "I very much doubt you've seen a fraction of what she's capable of, from what you've said, and I completely appreciate that must be frustrating. But you need to understand… she was raped," he explains, heart racing, terrified that he's doing the wrong thing. "Nine months ago, now, almost ten, she was raped by another member of our department at Holby, he assaulted her a couple of months after that, threw her through a window. I… well, I don't need to tell you how traumatic those few months must have been, do I? She dislocated her left elbow, she was in work far sooner than she should have been after that, ended up back in physio a few weeks later. She was supposed to transfer her physio appointments to Manchester when she moved, whether she actually did or not, I don't know…"

"That would certainly explain the deterioration in her practical abilities," Mr Nicolescu agrees quietly. "But she of all people should know the importance of…"

"I know it's no excuse," Ethan tells him quickly, anticipating what's coming next. "I know that. I think… if I'm completely honest, I think she wasn't ready," he admits. "When she left Holby, I thought she was, I really did. She… well, you know as well as I do the long-term psychological consequences of rape. She was doing fine- more than fine, really- the few months before she handed in her notice here, I thought she was over it, I thought she was coping… I just wonder if it was too soon for her to move away from her support network," he confesses, painfully aware that there's a high chance Alicia will kill him for this, but he has to try; surely it's better for him to try?

"This isn't her," he continues. "This so isn't her, and I know… I know anything I say is unlikely to have any bearing on your decision. I completely accept that. But there's no doubt in my mind that this is all connected to what she went through last year. She was ecstatic, when she was offered the fellowship, she's worked so hard for this. I… well, she's always been brilliant, she really has, all the time I've worked with her. But she was made for Paeds, she worked absolute wonders, the months she was in the paeds ED at Holby. And I…" Ethan closes his eyes momentarily, heart racing, so nervous he almost feels as though he's fighting to salvage his own career, rather than hers. "I know that isn't what you've seen, I really do understand that. But… listen… having seen her tonight… it's not that she's not capable. It really isn't. She's just struggling, and given everything she's been through recently, I think the best of us would."

He should have seen this coming, Ethan realises with a sinking feeling. No matter how well she had appeared to be recovering before she left, he should have known, should have better appreciated that a move this drastic, away from everything she knew, a steep promotion, all of it on top of Eddie… he should have realised it had the potential to end like this, he should have done something about it before it all fell apart…

It might have been alright, Ethan contemplates bitterly.

It might have all been manageable for her if only her new boss weren't an older, spitting image of Eddie McAllister.

Mr Nicolescu sighs heavily. "While that does put rather a different perspective on things, I can't run a department based on…"

"I know that. I… well, I did a stint as acting clinical lead a couple of years back, believe me, I know. And I have no right to ask this of you, but… before you notify the fellowship directors, would you consider signing her off on sick leave instead? I just think… if she has some counselling, if she's given some time to work through this, allowed to return to work when she's ready…"

"And if she can't?"

"Then I'll hand in my notice and move up to Manchester with her. She was doing absolutely fine before she left, when she had support around her."

"You'd risk your own career for hers?" Mr Nicolescu asks sceptically.

"If it comes to it, yes. Listen, I…" Ethan stammers, suddenly aware that perhaps he's overdone it. "Alicia has the potential to be a better consultant than I could ever hope to be," he says at last. "The fellowship directors saw that- they must have, I was under the impression they usually select candidates with more than a few months' specialist paeds experience. I know how hard she's worked for this, I know how much it means to her. And I won't… she's lost enough over the last few months, because of what that man did to her," he says quietly at last. "I won't let him take this opportunity from her too. So yes, I'll risk my own career and move up to Manchester with her. If that's what it takes."

There's silence on the other end of the phone now, complete silence, and for a few awful moments, Ethan truly believes he's blown it for her.

"She's very lucky, to have you fighting her corner," Mr Nicolescu says at last. "Tell her she has four weeks of sick leave, starting tomorrow. I'll send her an email outlining the details, of course, but if you could… if you just pass on my regards and tell her I'll be in touch."

"Email might be best…"

"Alright. Alright, understood. I'll deal with the fellowship directors for now, but there's only so long I can hold them off," Mr Nicolescu warns. "She's still well within her probationary period, if she isn't fit to return to work in four weeks, they're going to want to re-allocate."

"Of course. Of course, I understand. Thank you," Ethan tells him heavily, finally able to breathe again. "Thank you."

She's asleep, by the time he makes it back up the stairs to her bedroom.

She's curled up under a pile of blankets, barely visible, Ruby on the edge of the bed beside her, holding her hand.

She looks... troubled. Even now, even asleep, she just looks so stressed, somehow, so anxious, as though she's been carrying the weight of the world upon her shoulders, these last few weeks, as though it's all threatening to crush her, and it's breaking Ethan's heart.

Ruby looks up, smiles faintly, as Ethan appears in the doorway. "She was asleep almost the moment her head hit the pillow," she explains softly, voice low. "I don't think she's slept properly for weeks."

Ethan glances back across to Alicia, still, pale, so much so that if it weren't for Ruby's hand holding hers, he would worry that she isn't merely asleep at all.

"No," he agrees, voice shaking a little more than he would like given he's spent the best part of the last few weeks, given Alicia's radio silence, trying to convince everyone around him that he's over her. "No, I don't imagine she has."

"Her range of motion's severely compromised in her left elbow," Ruby worries. "I've elevated it for now." She gestures to the stack of pillows at the side of the bed. "But I… well, I don't see how she can possibly have been attending all her physiotherapy sessions, she certainly shouldn't be working until this is improved. I wonder whether she's come back here because…"

"She's been suspended," Ethan admits shakily. "At the start of tonight's shift, from what I can gather. Or she was suspended, anyway, I've managed to talk the clinical lead at Manchester Paeds ED into signing her off sick instead. I phoned her in sick for her next shift," he explains to Ruby, just a little guiltily. "I thought I was doing the right thing, I… I just thought, it's not as if she's in any fit state to be doing it herself, is she? Has she… has she spoken, since…?"

Ruby shakes her head.

"Okay. Okay, we'll… well, I guess we'll have try and tackle that if she still isn't talking when she wakes up," he sighs, all-too aware that it's not a proper plan, not in the slightest, but it's the best he has right now. "Anyway, sorry, I… I thought it was best I phone in sick for her, I thought the last thing she needed on top of everything else was to miss a shift and be threatened with disciplinary in the middle of her probation period."

"You went through her phone?"

"God, no. She dumped me, didn't she? That would be the ultimate invasion of her privacy. No, I… I got the number for the clinical lead up there off google, I thought it was best." Slowly, apprehensively, he lowers himself onto the edge of the bed beside Ruby, eyes never leaving Alicia's face, terrified of waking her. "She couldn't have known, when she applied, she wouldn't have met him until she started the job, by the sounds of it, but… the Paeds clinical lead at Manchester ED is practically Eddie's doppelganger," he blurts out at last. "An older version, yes, but the likeness is seriously uncanny."

Ruby's face falls. "You think that's… you think having to work with him has affected her mental state?"

"I don't know. Possibly not in isolation, but I can't imagine it isn't a contributing factor," Ethan sighs. "I don't know, I just don't know. Her behaviour's become increasingly erratic, apparently, they'd noticed her practical abilities weren't where they should be when she arrived but it's been all downhill from there." Ethan sighs. "It's got to be her elbow injury. It's got to be. It's just not her, is it? There's no other explanation, even after Eddie, here… her mental state was clearly all over the place but her work never suffered. I mean… this is worse, I know that. This is so much worse. But she as good as admitted she's not been bothering with physio since she moved up there, as much as she realistically can do while she's like this, anyway…" He trails off, knows the question he needs to ask next, but can't quite bring himself to pose it at first, afraid he doesn't want to know the answer.

"So she was talking when she first showed up here?" Ethan tries carefully.

Ruby nods, gaze still fixed on Alicia, motionless, pale, hair a matted mess. "Well, more like screaming. She's quite scary when she wants to be, isn't she? But no, she definitely can speak. It's like…" she shakes her head, look of despair in her eyes.

"It's like she doesn't want to," Ethan finishes.

Both of them fall silent for a while.

"Do you think we should take her into the ED?" Ruby asks worriedly at last.

"What for, though?" Ethan asks reluctantly. "She's not exactly an emergency case, is she? There's nothing they can do for her in there that we can't do for her here."

"No, no, you're right," Ruby agrees. "I just…" she shakes her head, falls silent for a moment. "So you've managed to talk her out of a suspension?" she asks at last.

Ethan nods. "Suspension's off the table, they're going to sign her off sick for four weeks. Although how much use that's really going to be to her, I don't know… can you see her being well enough to go back to work in four weeks? She's not exactly going to be over this in a couple of days, is she?"

Alicia stirs, whimpers, visibly distressed.

"No," Ruby admits reluctantly. "No, I don't think she is."

It makes me very sad that I have to say this, so I'll keep it as brief as possible- and if you don't know why I'm saying this, then this is NOT directed at you. One thing I've really tried to do in writing this story is to keep things as authentic as possible. According to the most recent government statistics I can find, approximately 6% of the NHS workforce are EU nationals. It's always annoyed me that Casualty have never tried to reflect this more on screen. You may have noticed that I have two Eastern European NHS staff across my stories that are my 'own' characters, Mr Nicolescu in this story and Jurgita in Finding Avalon.

I really don't want to get into my own nationality on here, but my 'other' country is in Eastern Europe, as you may have worked out if you've read Prostor, Prostor. Doctors there recently turned down a pay rise and asked the government to give it to the nurses instead, because salary for nurses is so horrifically low. Many nurses are leaving for other EU countries like the UK in search of better working conditions and have been for some time. Sadly, this is the case in many other former communist countries, too. Eastern European workers are a hugely valuable part of the NHS, and so yes, I know Holby is in England, and yes, I will continue to reflect the NHS workforce as it is today in my stories. If you don't like me occasionally writing in Eastern European characters, you don't have to read them.

On a happier note, I am honestly a little blown away by how supportive you all are of this one- thank you so much panicpeachpit, LivingInADreamWorld13, Katharine, Lewisek18, guest and 20blueroses for your reviews! And I hope I've managed to handle this chapter with the sensitivity it deserves. I'm still annoyed that the writers managed to brush Alicia's rape under the carpet after episode 5 or so of this series.

As ever, reviews would be wonderful,

-IseultLaBelle x