Note from the Author: I'm back! Did you miss me? I don't think I'll be getting back on a regular update schedule again. I've got some kinks to iron out with the plot from here to the end. But for now, I hope you enjoy the ridiculous silliness of this chapter as much as I did.
Also, did you guys not like Princess Kuina? I just didn't get much of a response when I thought there'd be general squee-ing. That in and of itself is probably my answer, but I thought I'd check.
Ch. 17 – Sword Tango
"Papa come home! Papa come home!"
"Alright, Little Love. It's time for you to calm down and go night night," Andromache said as the little girl bounced up and down on Helena's huge four-poster bed.
"No night night!" Kuina insisted. "Papa go bye bye!"
"He'll still be here when you wake up."
Kuina paused in her antics to turn a wide gaze at her nurse. "Pwomise?" she asked.
Andromache nodded, and the child flopped down in the middle of the bed. "Want Papa now," she said with a dramatic sigh, letting her arm fall across her forehead. "Papa have to save Gampa."
"Yes, if he said that's what he's doing, that's what he's doing," Andromache said, scooping up the little girl and tucking her underneath the covers. In all honesty, she hadn't quite understood all of what was happening. One minute Helena and Zoro were fighting, the next Helena was letting the man meet Kuina. Now they'd said something about Cygnus being kidnapped with a goose. Or was it by a goose? How in Tartarus was that even possible?
Whatever the situation, it had Andromache itching to get out onto the battlefield with Hector. Cygnus was obviously in trouble. Unfortunately her current assignment left her on guard duty.
"Ann?" Kuina asked. "Why papa won't stay forever?"
Andromache sighed. This was a conversation the child should be having with her mother, not her nurse. She was spared having to respond by the sound of wings flapping and a loud honk.
"Well, that's odd," Andromache said, approaching the French doors leading to Helena's balcony and peeking through the drawn curtain. "Why is there a goose outside our window?"
She thought she'd left Kuina tucked in bed, but the child moved fast. She pushed past Andromache, throwing the doors open wide.
"Wait! Kuina! You know you're not allowed outside…!"
"GAMPA!" the girl shrieked. She threw her tiny arms around the goose's neck. "Gampa have owie?" She asked, patting the creature's bloodied face.
Something about the situation had Andromache's hackles up. She raised her hand, grasping the hilt of her enormous sword as she stepped out onto the balcony behind her charge. A faint song, like yodeling but also like an opera singer gargling pudding, floated on the breeze. It sounded awful. Maybe that's what put her nerves on edge.
"Gampa?" the girl asked again. "Gampa ok? Need kiss better?" She planted the kiss on the top of his beak, but the goose just stared at her with glassy eyes.
"Kuina, step away from there and come back inside," Andromache chided. The big white bird gave her the creeps, in part because he did kind of resemble Cygnus, but mostly because it acted like a robot. "You know you're not supposed to come out here."
"No!" Kuina pouted, hugging the goose close to her. "Gampa home! Now Papa come home too!"
Andromache took a step toward her, only to stop short as the goose spread its wings wide. It flapped them at her, buffeting her with short bursts of wind. The warrior nursemaid blinked, and suddenly the goose was airborne with the little princess clinging to his back.
"Weeee!"
"Kuina, no!" Andromache cried, reaching toward her.
The Goose dodged around her, carrying the child out of reach as Andromache whipped out her sword. She cursed when she realized she couldn't afford to throw a slash. Taking down the goose meant Kuina would fall a long ways into the gardens below.
"Higher, Gampa! Higher!"
Andromache pulled out a transponder snail, eyes wide with horror as the bird brazenly kidnapped Kuina right in front of her eyes.
"Calling Nursemaid Unit! This is Lieutenant Andromache de Hector. We have a code green. I repeat, code green! The chick has left the nest!"
Normally Hector would have received the signal. The military grade transponder snail hidden within the shoulder of his wooden armor picked up anything the various units sent out. But at that particular moment his line was tied:
"General Hector, this is Helena. Do you copy?"
"Your Majesty!" he said in genuine surprise. Despite Cygnus' reassurances earlier, he hadn't expected to hear from the Queen any time that night. "I would have reported in sooner, but this little skirmish has hardly been worth your attention. The Marines are on the run. I have their ships gridlocked…"
The gridlock of which he spoke was a woven conglomerate of bark and branches. They sprouted in spiraling wooden braids from his infamous spear, which he had driven point down into the main dock only a few minutes prior.
His power had its limits – while he could meld with any type of wood and make it sprout, he could only reach as far as that particular kind of tree could grow. But with so much wood to work with within the dock and the ships, he'd easily managed to tangle all of the Navy's forces in a winding forest of trees.
"…Do you want me to sink them?" he went on, "Or are we going to let the cowards withdraw?"
Though their leader hadn't called an official retreat, the Marines had started to flee on their own. And with good reason. Helena's proud people weren't pleased when news of the attempted assassination reached them, and they didn't hesitate to violently show their displeasure. In the end, Hector's men would probably face more danger trying to quell the riots later than fighting the marines now. Their enemies had been spread too thin, thinking the people would be poisoned and thereby easy pickings.
"Neither!" Helena called in response, "Hector, they've got my father!"
"What?!"
"It's worse than that." The voice coming through the transponder now was Roronoa's. Hector bristled. The last he'd seen of Zoro, he'd been about to strike his Queen across the face. The General quelled his anger, focusing instead on the emergency at hand. "They've turned him into a goose again. Circe's on the loose."
Hector swore. "I thought Perona took care of her!"
"Apparently not for good," Zoro replied. "And she's kind of passed out right now. She can't help us."
"Zoro's filled me in, somewhat," Helena put in, "We've just checked out the old barn Captain Circe was using as a hideout. It's completely deserted. Any sign of Regent?"
"I've caught the flagship along with everything else," Hector reported, eyeing the enormous ship with displeasure. "But I haven't seen him. No one has."
"Alright, we're coming down there. Get everyone on this," Helena commanded. "We can't let Regent get his hands on Father, or he's as good as dead."
"Aye, Majesty!"
"Sounds like bad business, mon," Calypso said when the General ended the call. He'd stood beside Hector with both of his machete drawn, defending him from enemy fire so the wooden man could focus on entrapping the navy's ships.
"Anything I can do?" the swordsman continued.
"It looks like the harbor is pretty much secure," Hector said. He pulled his spear from the dock, leaving the wooden gridlock in place. Turning, he surveyed his men's handiwork. Hector's soldiers were just accepting the beleaguered marines' white flags of surrender. "Thanks in part to you. I'm glad you didn't end up getting caught in the massacre at the palace."
"No, I wish I'd been there," Calypso growled with convincing concern. "I'd have given Roronoa a taste of my steel."
Hector smirked at him. "Well, he and the Queen seem to be working together for the time being. Her Majesty is resilient, but she deserves better."
Calypso nodded at him. "So the rumors are true then? Roronoa really…?"
"I can't confirm or deny anything," Hector said, walking toward his men, who had started cheering in victory. "I had to leave to take care of this mess. I didn't see anything more than an argument."
He turned his attention to addressing the marines, and so didn't see the malevolent smile spread across Calypso's handsome features.
"Alright, you cowards!" Hector bellowed. His men fell silent as he found one of the marine captains, who knelt cowering with his hands above his head. Grabbing him by the front of his white coat, Hector lifted him into the air. "You've attacked us without an official declaration of war. You've tried to assassinate the royal family. And now you've kidnapped our King! Give me one good reason we should let any of you leave here alive!"
The man only managed a squeak in response. Though the captain was large by normal standards, Hector was almost twice his size. He had probably given himself up for dead the moment Hector singled him out.
Hector threw him in the general direction of the flagship.
"Tell the Vice-Admiral to return our King, or we will execute every last marine and government official on the island!" Hector snarled.
Helena stashed her transponder snail, gripping the reigns of her chariot horses as they pulled her and Zoro pell mell through the battle in the streets. Behind her, Zoro clung to the sides of the chariot for dear life as friend and foe alike dove out of the way to avoid being hit.
"Are you trying to kill somebody?" he dared to complain.
"Hey, it's my chariot! I drive it how I want. You want out?"
Zoro muttered something under his breath about female drivers, but Helena decided to let it slide. They had more important things to worry about.
"We're almost there," she informed him curtly.
A cheer passed through the streets, catching them both off guard. In the blur around them, they caught glimpses of marines dropping their weapons, their hands raised in surrender.
"I guess we just won," Zoro observed.
"Yeah, I guess we did," Helena replied without enthusiasm. –Not that she wasn't pleased that the short-lived battle had ended in her favor, she just had something else on her mind. She slowed the chariot just enough to shoot her husband a glare. He had his white mask on again, so she didn't have to worry about breaking any rules. "Explain to me again how this Captain Circe's powers work?"
"I told you, she just has to touch you and she can turn you into an animal," he said, apparently not detecting her annoyance. "Once she's touched you, she can control you by yodeling, and transform you at will by making your animal call."
"Oh really?" Helena said acerbically. "And what does a fox say, exactly?"
Zoro shifted uncomfortably behind her. "Uh, why do you ask?"
Before she could answer, she had to yank the reigns. They'd pulled into the harbor area of Mycenae, and while everyone with sense cleared the way, someone had planted himself firmly in the chariot's path. Helena jerked the horses aside to avoid him, but threw herself and Zoro from the chariot in the process.
Zoro chivalrously pulled her against him as they flew, taking the brunt of the crash landing and ensuring that they rolled to avoid injury.
"What kind of idiot -?!" she started as they straightened out of the dust of the street. She stopped short when she caught sight of their roadblock.
Calypso.
Zoro saw him too. He jumped to his feet.
"YOU!" he and Calypso spat at each other, each drawing a sword.
"I thought you told him to leave!" Zoro growled to her.
Helena face-palmed from where she still knelt in the street. "So did I," she grumbled.
"I couldn't just abandon the Queen in her time of need, now, could I mon?" Calypso pointed out, tweaking his brows upward on the word 'abandon' for emphasis.
"Like Helena and her people actually need help from jerks like you," Zoro said, rather rudely Helena thought. Well, despite his tone it was kind of a compliment, but her men booed him. They'd been jeering and making rude gestures at him since he'd entered the harbor, actually.
"Oh, but I wasn't talking about the battle just now," Calypso started. He glared meaningfully at Zoro. "So is it true that you hit her, mon?"
Zoro's sword faltered a couple of centimeters. "What…?"
"It's all over town, mon," Calypso went on. "How the Queen's husband finally came home, dispatched all of her suitors in a jealous rage, and then beat her for her infidelity."
Helena sighed. It sounded like a tiny spark of gossip had turned into a conflagration. What a PR nightmare.
"So is it true, mon?" Calypso prodded.
Helena stood, dusting herself off as she spoke. "Mm hmm," she put in, nodding. The jeering soldiers in the square fell silent at this quiet affirmation. Zoro stared at her, wide-eyed. Both men had lowered their swords in shock.
"He beat you?" Hector cried in dismay.
Though generally not one to care about his reputation, Zoro looked positively mortified. He could be labeled a murderous pirate hunter and not blink, but Zeus-forbid anyone call him a wife-beater.
"Oh, yes," Helena went on mischievously. "It hurt so good."
Every man in the harbor, from Calypso, Hector, and Zoro to the last enemy marine, stared at Helena with his mouth dropped to the ground.
"Helena!" Zoro exclaimed at her sidelong through his teeth. He had gone bright red, right to the tips of his ears. It was actually kind of cute.
"I, uh, didn't realize you were into that kind of thing," Calypso said, taken aback though a devious smirk quirked the corner of his lips.
"What? He's a passionate man," she added, shrugging. "He is, after all, the Hurricane Lover."
"WHAT?!" Calypso roared, suddenly animated. "Alright, now it is really on, mon!" He pointed his sword at Zoro, who was quick to follow suit.
"Fine by me," he said. "Let's settle this!"
Zoro glared at Calypso with his jaw clenched inside his mouth, brow deeply furrowed behind his mask. The stupid thing restricted his vision some, but he didn't need his eyesight to fight.
"Gentlemen, please!" Helena started, raising a hand to each of them. "We're all on the same side here…"
They ignored her.
Launching at one another with all the speed and skill of Master Swordsmen, their blades rang cleanly through the square. –Only, they hadn't struck one another. Helena had put herself between them, stopping them with two of her rapier.
"Is this really the time, you two?" she growled, glaring at Zoro, "My father is in danger, remember?"
"Oh, this can't wait," Zoro said.
"No it can't," Calypso agreed, "This is a battle between men, mon. You wouldn't understand."
They lashed out at each other again, forcing Helena into a spin. She still managed to keep them from actually clashing with each other, and ended up holding Zoro back with Peleus, and Calypso with one of her foot blades.
"Stop it!" Helena insisted, glaring at her husband.
"Oh, come on!" Zoro snapped, gesturing angrily at Calypso with a free hand. "Helena, he's even checking out your legs right now!"
Helena turned the glare on Calypso. Before they had set out in search of Cygnus, she had quickly changed from her tattered and restrictive party dress into a plain, white chiton. That meant Calypso had a full view of her long, well-toned legs, something of which he took full advantage.
"Can you blame me, mon?" Calypso asked, grinning at Zoro across her extended limb.
"Not really," Zoro admitted. "She's got nice legs."
"GUYS!" Helena cried. It was her turn to turn bright red.
The two men shot toward each other again, only this time Calypso grabbed Helena with his free hand and twirled her gracefully out of the way, trapping her against his side while defending them both against Zoro's blows.
"Not this again," Helena sighed as Zoro glowered at him.
Zoro lashed out. And just to let Calypso know he knew exactly what he was trying to pull, he repeated that same sword pattern he'd done in the garden.
Clash. Clash. Clink-clink. Clash.
"Oh, Gods!" Helena groaned, rolling her eyes. Calypso spun her this way and that, and she resignedly followed his lead.
"I'm curious, mon," Calypso said, repeating the tango pattern himself. He ended holding Helena upside down in a full swan-dive. "How is it that you recognized me?"
"Yeah, Zoro," Helena glared at him from the impressive, balletic pose. "How did you recognize him?"
"Has my sweet 'Elena been talking about me?"
"I'm not your sweet anything!" Helena snapped. "And it's Huh-lena, with an H, idiot. But it's 'Your Majesty' to you!"
Zoro smirked. Unfortunately, despite her witty repartee, she couldn't fight her way out of Calypso's strong grip. Not for lack of trying. Her efforts led to a few more dance moves, as Zoro slashed at him to try and break her loose.
One dip in particular put Helena directly in the path of Zoro's sword. Fortunately she blocked it herself.
"So are you going to answer the question?" Helena demanded, glaring at him over their crossed blades.
"I think you already know," Zoro replied, glaring back at her.
She "Hmph!"-ed in response. What was she getting all huffy about anyway?
As if to say he'd given her the wrong answer, she pushed his blade back, turned and spun with Calypso. Taking the lead in their little dance, she reversed the dip on the diminutive man. And because they were all already so used to it being a fight, the three of them exchanged a few more blows in the process, though no one landed a real hit.
"Well, this is a nice change," Calypso observed, completely at ease in her arms.
Helena raised an eyebrow at Zoro over Calypso's dreadlocks.
"Fine!" Zoro snapped. "I got turned into a fox by Circe, alright? I saw the whole thing. That doesn't change anything. You still made out with him!"
Helena dropped Calypso, ignoring his loud: "Oof!"
"I might not have if you had just answered me when I asked if it was you!" she snapped, slashing at her husband. She was using Peleus, so it wasn't a real threat, but it still emphasized her anger. "We could have avoided this whole mess!"
"Oh, so now it's my fault?" Zoro replied, blocking her and slashing back. He wasn't going for a real hit, leastways not anything she couldn't easily block. Calypso jumped in the way to defend her though.
"Trouble in paradise?" he goaded.
"Yeah, no thanks to you!" Helena snapped, leveling a blow at him.
"Well you know what they say, mon," Calypso put in, blocking her with his second machete as he held Zoro at bay with the first. "If you love two, go with the second, because if you really loved the first, you never would have strayed."
Helena's jaw dropped.
"I. Don't. Love. You!" she snapped, slashing at him recklessly. "And I didn't stray! He was playing dead!"
Zoro wasn't feeling particularly generous toward her, especially after that remark. "I guess you have a point, short-stuff," he snarked to Calypso. Zoro kicked him in the back, making the smaller man stumble into Helena. "You two are perfect for each other."
Calypso turned the stumble into a graceful spin around her. Wrapping her into his muscular arms with his two machete still in hand, he trapped her tightly against him.
"I couldn't agree more, mon," he laughed.
Helena bent backwards to glare at Zoro upside down as they twirled. "I'm so going to kill you when this is over," she growled at him.
Zoro grabbed her arm roughly as they spun by. He'd only meant to pull her away from Calypso, but it made her barrel-roll gracefully through the air. She almost landed flat on her back, but he caught her by the back of the neck mere inches from the ground with his sword free hand.
They stared at one another for a moment, breathing hard. Then he moved to get her upright, and he accidentally guided her into another twirl. Nothing about what he was doing was graceful, or even intentional, but he somehow ended up with her up against him. Her leg wrapped around him as he grabbed hold of it to try and keep her from losing her balance.
"Why, Zoro!" Helena gasped, flushing, "I didn't know you knew how to tango!"
He smirked. "There are a lot of things about me you don't know," he murmured to her alluringly.
"Oh, come on!" Calypso cut in. "He's obviously faking it, mon!"
He slid his sword in between them, forcing them apart. Even with both swords occupying his hands, he managed to steal her again. Calypso moved her in an obvious, basic tango step, his machete and her rapier pointing ahead of them as he charged her unwillingly away.
Strains of Latin music flitted through the air. They came from the guitar strings of a sleepy looking musician hanging about the docks. Zoro recognized him from when he'd been in Ilium before: the man was one of the singers from Homer's. Orpheus. He'd sung at Zoro and Helena's wedding. Just whose side was he on, anyway?
Pena de tu ausencia sin retorno,
pena de saber que no vendrás.
Pena de escuchar en mi abandono,
voces que me acusan al llegar.
A few more musicians joined him. There had apparently been a bit of a concert going before the Marines had attacked. Soon a full tango was really underway, with Calypso pulling Helena this way and that, his steel clashing on Zoro's as the pirate tried in vain to steal her back.
"I just don't think…" Calypso informed Helena, practically ignoring Zoro as he turned his full charm on her. The nerve. "…that a man like that deserves a second chance. If he could walk away from such beauty once…" he ran the flat of his blade along her curves, drawing an angry growl out of Zoro, "Who is to say he won't walk away again?"
Helena swiped his blade from her side, and for a moment, actually managed to break free. She struck a flamenco stance, holding two of her blades in a rigid spiral around her as she stomped one of her feet in protest.
"Ever heard of the expression, if you love someone you let them go?" Helena asked, glaring at him.
Zoro scooped her up in one arm. She was strong enough to curl up into a cradle against him, even as he used his other arm to swipe at Calypso.
"And if they return to you, they're yours," Zoro finished for her. He'd heard Curly-brow use that line about Nami once. Hopefully it would have a better effect with Helena.
Helena popped out one of her legs. Zoro spun her so that the rapier in her toes almost slashed off one of Calypso's dreads.
"Hmph," Calypso kicked Zoro in the chest, catching Helena as she dropped. "But who will you really return to in the end? Because after her, you'll go back to your first love: the sea."
He placed her on her feet, leading her in a quickstep around him, and dodging the blades in her toes as she tried to trip him up.
"You think the sea is my first love? Eh, well, you know what they say," Zoro said, grabbing her arm and tugging. She spun herself into a cuddle at his side, continuing the illusion that he knew what he was doing. "If you love two, go with the second, because if you really loved the first, you never would have strayed."
Calypso sneered at having his own line used against him. He lunged with both blades forward, and Zoro and Helena had to dive apart from one another to avoid being skewered. Taking her again, Calypso tossed her about in an impressive lift. Someone threw a rose, which he caught in his teeth. Dipping his 'partner', he spun the rose about in his mouth, raising one seductive brow as he leaned over her.
"Is that the best you can do?" Zoro scoffed.
Stealing Helena back, he copied Calypso's move almost exactly. –Well, his more willing partner did embellish it some, so it looked even more impressive. Someone tried to throw him a rose, but he sliced it lengthwise, letting its petals explode around them. As he dipped her, he placed a sword in his mouth instead…
…and flipped it with his tongue.
"HA!" Helena let out a triumphant guffaw. She shot Calypso a victorious look, gesturing toward Zoro as if to say, 'Beat that!'
But then she turned a glare on Zoro. "I'm still mad at you, you know," she grumped.
"Really?" Zoro asked, taking his sword from his mouth and pulling her upright against him.
Maybe it was the music. Maybe it was the dancing. Maybe it was how damn fine she looked in her chiton. Whatever the case, Zoro was feeling particularly bold. He stole a kiss.
"How about now?" he asked.
Her brow furrowed, unimpressed. "Yes!" she insisted.
He kissed her again, a little longer. Calypso let out an angry cry and tried to attack them, but Zoro kept him back with one katana.
"And now?" Zoro asked her again when he pulled away.
She scrunched her nose, a smile creeping across her lips. "L'il bit?" she attempted.
Zoro kissed her a third time, but this time he didn't bother with Calypso or anything else. He kissed her like he hadn't seen her in over two years. Like she'd been haunting his dreams and meditations since the moment they'd parted. Like she really meant the world to him for all the sacrifices she had made on his behalf. - his talisman against death. —the mother of his children. When he pulled away, she blinked at him in a happy daze, any vestiges of resentment long gone.
Her eyes lit up as she remembered something. She turned suddenly to point a sword at Calypso. "I TOLD YOU!" she crowed, and the 'other' man's lip twitched into an ugly snarl.
"Told him what?" Zoro asked with interest.
Helena smirked at him, "That you're the better kisser."
"Really?" Zoro grinned, "You said that?"
Calypso's knuckles were taught as he gripped the hilts of his blades in angry fists. "He kept secrets from you, mon! After all you said he was the standard…!"
"No he didn't," Helena replied. "He just gave me the full confession. Didn't you hear?"
"Anyway, you can't talk," Zoro pointed out, "So is Calypso Blue your dancer name, or did your parents just hate you?"
"Zoro!" Helena chided, smacking him playfully in the chest, "Be nice."
"Face it, Shortie. You've lost," Zoro informed him.
Zoro could see carefully controlled anger behind the man's cerulean eyes. When Calypso ultimately made the decision to let that anger loose, it was apparently a calculated risk.
"I won't give 'Elena over to an abusive deadbeat like you," he announced. His swords darkened with haki. Zoro shoved Helena aside, focusing his spirit into his own blade.
"That's enough!" Helena cried, trying to put herself between them again.
Time slowed down as Zoro realized the danger she had unwittingly put herself in. She didn't know anything about haki. Her swords weren't strong enough to stop theirs now.
Though he had time to take in every detail — could see the wind of momentum stir her warrior's haircut, could see the silver strands in the blond and the way her laurel crown curled gracefully around the downward crease in forehead, could see the frustrated determination in her auburn eyes — it was all happening too quickly for anyone to check their momentum.
But then something happened he didn't expect. A wave of energy pulsed off of her, and he saw something in those fierce eyes that he remembered from years ago. He had called it her commanding mode then, but now he recognized it as something more.
Haki.
Conqueror's Haki.
It wasn't directed at her two attackers. Her gaze had shot upward to where a goose made its beleaguered way through the moonless sky. A tiny person clung to its back.—A tiny person with wild, mint green hair.
"KUINA!" Helena screamed.
Marines and Iliads alike toppled to the street as the panicked mother's energy pulsed through the harbor. It was enough to push Zoro and Calypso back, effectively stopping the attack. Zoro's gaze flew upward in time to see the goose he recognized as Cygnus turn a barrel roll, dropping Kuina toward the navy's flagship.
The captain that had been sent back to retrieve Vice Admiral Regent stumbled out of the door of one of the main cabins, followed by an enormous, bluish man with two heads joined at the chin. He caught the squealing girl with one claw through the back button loop of her buttercup-yellow nightgown.
He was as big as Hector – maybe bigger. Easily dangling Kuina high above his head by his finger, the giant rounded on the Queen and her consort:
"What's this I hear of surrender-er?!" he bellowed for all to hear. "Step wisely, Queen Helena-na! I hold the future of your kingdom in my hand-and!"