Title: Chapter 3: Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming
Summary: Maybe it was a little weird for a guy to be so concerned about another guy's swimmers, but luckily for Tony Stark, Bucky had no problem crossing all kinds of bro-code lines.
After lunch (and the revelation that Monica was actually pregnant with twins by her next door neighbor's husband, Chad, who was also sleeping with her sister) Bucky decided he was going to hang around his sister's apartment instead of retreating back to his lonely Hydra accommodations.
Most of the ingredients he needed, Rebecca had offered to let him use and it was easier to weave the magic in her kitchen than carting everything across Brooklyn.
Becca's stories were over by then and Bucky let the sound of Wheel of Fortune fill the background as he went about cooking Tony Stark's virility-renewal potion. He'd never made a version of this potion before so he was following along with the old spell book he'd dug up.
From the (illegally) obtained medical files he'd found, Bucky learned that a combination of the palladium poisoning from the first iteration of the arc reactor and a hard life of reckless self-indulgence resulted in Stark becoming sterile. Normally there was nothing much modern medicine can do to fix that, but under the right circumstances magic can heal where science can't.
Fortunately for Stark (though he wouldn't know it yet) the damage wasn't so irreparable that magic couldn't heal him up pretty well.
His ingredients lined up on the counter before him, Bucky turned back to study the potion guidelines again. The magic appeared to be a pretty standard, if older, example of its kind. Renewal potions, masculine and feminine, were usually about half a making-love spell and half a healing spell. There were variations on both of those kinds of spells but the general theory behind the renewal is the same; sex and healing.
Since this particular version of virility-renewal was supposed to be a topical lotion applied to the "afflicted" body parts a bit of creative thinking was required on Bucky's part. Seeing as he was still an internationally wanted assassin in hiding from all and a sundry there was little to no chance of convincing Tony Stark to rub some homemade mystery cream on his balls. If he wanted to revive Stark's swimmers he'd have to think outside the box.
Good thing that was Bucky's specialty.
A handful (exact measurements from the text) each of pumpkin and almond seeds, both part of the making-love half of the spell, were tossed into Rebecca's beaten but well-loved marble mortar. Grinding them into a fine paste with the pestle, he scraped the mix into the dinging up copper pot preheating on the stove top.
The scent of cooking pumpkin and almond started to waft through the small kitchen as Bucky moved on to the next ingredient. The pollen covered stamens and carpels of a five hand span by five hand span sized patch (also exact textual measurements, it really is an old recipe) of bright yellow fig buttercups. They represent joys to come, which is fitting for a making-love spell.
The pollen covered flower elements were dropped into the mortar and Bucky grabbed the blossoms from a forearm long lime tree branch. Each little pollen covered white flower (representing fornication, because it's a making-love spell) goes into the mortar whole.
After that it's the healing half of the spell.
The petals from two fist sized bunches of yellow daffodils (rebirth and new beginnings) shredded by finger. Enough ring fingernail peony petals (prosperity) to fill a thimble. Petals from the unopened buds on a single light pink rose bush (joy of life). As many bicolored sweet iris petals (optimistically, they symbolize good news) as it takes to cover his skin from wrist to fingertips, sliced to separate the colors.
Bucky only had to cut some orange witch's witch-hazel strap petals (pure magic as opposed to common witch-hazel), enough to circle both thumbs three times then he was done with the flowers.
The mortar was pretty full by the then and it took five minutes of grinding and smashing to get the resulting paste smooth enough to match the recipe's odd requirements. By the time Bucky was satisfied, the finished product should have been an unappetizing shade of green-brown. Instead it was a rich flame orange color and hummed warmly with magic.
Taking the mortar over to the stove, Bucky spooned the orange mixture into the copper pot. The pumpkin-almond paste had (defying the laws of science) liquefied and turned a pleasant golden brown. He used his wooden spoon to stir in an ale tankard of all natural pure mountain spring water, which had taken some interesting measurement and conversion calculations.
For a full turn of the long hand (read: one minute) Bucky stirred the potion against the clock (counterclockwise) in a gentle bubbling boil.
Waiting next the stove was the small brown bottle Bucky had purchased from the old man with mismatched eyes and a sense of humor.
Setting the spoon aside for a second, he grabbed the bottle and smoothly twisted the top off. Xanthoparmelia (or rock-shield lichen as the spell book vaguely described it) was a fungus, chalky white with just barely a hint of green. It was once pretty prevalent in fertility and other types of sex based spells -a few hundred years ago-. It had been especially sought after for renewal spells since its magical properties counteracted impotence almost exclusively. Now it was mostly forgotten and considered unpopularly obscure.
Obscure but very powerful. And Tony Stark needed as much help as he could get to heal all the damage done to his jam bags.
The lichen in the bottle was already processed into a fine powder so Bucky grabbed a teaspoon (actual teaspoon not a tsp. measuring spoon) out of a drawer and scooped out a single serving. Sprinkling it over the potion, Bucky stirred it in and it turned the deep, burning orange almost white.
Last ingredient to go into the pot was a plastic baggy of copper dust, enough to be equivalent to a pinky ring. The metal gave the orange-white potion a slightly darker shade of red-orange with a light metallic sheen. Once that was done, Bucky had to let the potion cook for a quarter turn of the sun (six hours).
Just in time for dinner too.
The Barnes siblings ordered three large pizzas -"Vegetarian, Becca? Really?" "Don't judge me, Mister Deluxe Meat Lover's with extra meat."- and ate in front of reruns of Gunsmoke and Bonanza.
Benefits of having a brother with a super soldier metabolism, Rebecca only had to zip-lock up two and half slices of leftovers when they were done. Just enough for a perfect midnight snack.
"How exactly are you going to get Stark to use this very complicated, surprisingly powerful renewal spell you cooked up especially for him?" she inquired curiously eyeing the perfectly set potion. A smooth creamy lotion was the finished product.
"You remember when Johnny Horowitz thought it was good idea to pants Steve during the Sadie Hawkins Dance my junior year?" Bucky asked while he dug around in the bottom cabinets of his sister's kitchen, seemingly apropos of nothing.
"And we stewed up the boils-most-persistent hex in retaliation," Rebecca added, intrigued as she watched her brother reappear with a bread loaf pan held in his metal hand. "Yeah, why?"
"Do you remember how I got the hex on him? We couldn't get him to drink it and he obviously wasn't going to put anything I gave him on his junk."
Rebecca brightened as she finally realized what her crazy genius brother was getting at. "You dehydrated it and ground it into powder!"
Bucky grinned devilishly as he scrapped the last dollop of pale copper colored lotion into the loaf pan. "Then I snuck into his room and sprinkled it in every single pair of jockey shorts he owned."
The sound of Rebecca's gleeful cackles echoed through the apartment as Bucky slid the pan in the oven preheated to 327 degrees and slammed the door shut setting her avocado green egg timer for 52 minutes.
The next near hour was spent reminiscing about the various and a sundry ways the Barnes siblings (plus Steve) wreaked havoc on the unsuspecting bullies of Brooklyn.
TBC…