Author's Note: Thank you, Unnamed Guests, Shirayuki55, and Jojolierre, for the very lovely reviews on the last one-shot. I really, highly, appreciate that. This one is kind of an idea I took out of Shirayuki55's review - thank you for some very good ideas, btw; I thought it would be nice to see what would happen if Lorna found Nicky in the library after getting hurt, myself, so here's what came of that. It's tweaked somewhat as Nicky's not as badly hurt as she was in the show. Feel free to leave reviews; those always make me happy! And I appreciate them so deeply. Thanks. Enjoy.
Splintering Adoration
Lorna finishes her morning's task of sweeping through the disheveled floors of C-Block when she comes across the startling sound of arguing seeming to lead to the library that's adjoining to the two cell-blocks. Immediately, she rolls the cleaning cart closer and parks it on the side of the entrance. She cautiously peaks in before entering—not wanting to barge in without knowing the extent of the problem—and feels her chest tighten at what she sees.
Without even a smidge of hesitation, the short-statured brunette walks through the door and frisks her way to Nicky's side. A rush of tears come streaming down her cheeks as she takes the redhead's scratched up face into her hands. Her brown eyes—that are usually soft and full of optimism—stare coldly up towards the group of C-Block inmates hovering around the fallen bookshelves.
"What did you do to Nicky? Why?" Her accent cracks with underlying emotion. She sits herself next to a clearly hurting Nicky, brushing a hand lovingly through her ragged hair.
"Maybe next time your little girlfriend should keep away from our crew. She's choosing the wrong block to fuck with," one of the blue-khaki inmates shouts back in response before following the three others out of there.
Alone, now, with only Nicky, Lorna lets out a sad sigh. Seeing her in such a rugged condition tears at her heart. She cradles her hands softly around her freshly-bruising face, staring into her eyes with an overpowering concern. "What happened, hon? Why did they hurt you? What'd ya get yourself into?" Her fingers stroke delicately around her flesh.
"For once, I was just tryna help someone out. To make new life and those fucking bitches come stomping in here like we're planning to go in cahoots over this stupid bullshit feud. Jesus Christ. This is outta hand."
Tilting her head slightly—intrigued by her statement—Lorna gives an inquisitive glance. "Make new life? Hon, you do know that is kinda impossible seeing as everyone in here is…well, a woman?"
Even with the strong pain that she's in, Nicky manages out a chuckle. She nods and reaches a hand over to place lightly against Lorna's soft cheek. No matter how much heartache the very woman gives her, she knows she can never stop loving her. No matter how bad it hurts. "It wasn't technically a life I created—I was helping Blanca out. She and her boyfriend—or fiancé, I don't remember—wanna start a family. I figured inseminating her with his sperm would give me some sorta purpose. Ya know, so, I have something to brag about when I'm outta this shithole. But those C-block bitches found us and got mad to see us working on a prison miracle. So, chances are she's not gonna have that baby. Fuck, there goes my brink of good in the world."
It doesn't take much for Lorna to notice the fatigue in Nicky's voice. Something she knows has a lot to do with all the things she's put her through. And, for that, she hates herself. Hates what she's done to the woman who has only ever shown her what it's like to be unconditionally loved by someone. She can't keep doing this to her, she internalizes. She can't keep adding onto the hurt.
"You've done more good in the world than anyone. This isn't the end, hon. Really, it isn't!" Lorna softly assures her, massaging her fingers along the redhead's injured face. It makes her wince to see her in so much pain. She strokes a kiss over her forehead. "God, do ya need to go to medical or anything? Ya look like you're in a lotta pain, honey. I can't believe they would hurt ya over trying to impregnate someone. How stupid."
Another chuckle tumbles through her larynx. "Okay, I never thought I'd hear that sentence come outta your mouth, kid."
Swallowing thickly, Lorna feels her eyes glaze over. She holds her hands firmly around Nicky's face, not entirely sure what to make of her comment. What she's referencing. If it's what she fears, her heart already feels heavy thinking it. "What do you mean?"
Shaking her head, Nicky slightly pulls away from the touch. The gentle touch that always makes her feel warm. Makes her crave more. She refuses to fall back into that habit—the habit of dreaming a life with Lorna. Something, no matter how bad she yearns after, she knows is nothing more than a dream. Lorna's married and pregnant. It's over. She'll never win her undivided affection. And that hurts worse than anything…worse than the pain her face is stricken with.
"What good have I ever done? Look around us, kid—is this where a person who does good things ends up? No. This is fucking prison. I have nothing to show for. Woulda been able to say I helped create something good in here but those C-blockers ruined that. Now, I'm back to being just another prison junkie."
Lorna shuts her eyes momentarily. Hearing the very words come out of her mouth is nearly unbearable to comprehend. Nicky's always been the strong one—the tough girl who hates letting anyone see her break down. To see her this broken, this vulnerable, is a foreign concept. On one hand, it's the most painful thing to observe. Yet, on the other, it's a blessing. Nicky trusts her enough to let her walls finally shatter. That's something she won't take lightly.
"You're more than a damn junkie, Nicky," the Italian woman quickly starts off, pulling her face back into her petite hands. She peers deeply—sternly—into big brown eyes. "You're the kindest person I've ever met in here—the most sincere and honest woman any person could hope to be. You love with your whole heart, hon, and that's something rare. Anyone would be lucky just to know ya."
Seeing a tear run down along Nicky's cheek, Lorna quickly wipes it away with her thumb and wraps her fully in her arms. She tenderly rests her forehead over the other's, looking softly into her orbs. "I know I'm real lucky to know ya. You've done so much for me, Nicky, so much good. I can never thank ya enough for that…never appreciate it enough."
"Stop," Nicky's voice merely cracks. She wants to pull away so badly but doesn't have the energy. Doesn't have the strength to move away from the smaller woman's gentle touch. Her head shakes sadly; she looks directly into Lorna's eyes, her own filled with a deep agony.
Touching her forehead delicately, Lorna tilts her head in puzzlement. "Stop what? What's bothering ya, honey?" She cradles the palm of her hand around the other's bruised cheek.
"This. Pretending like ya actually wanna help me," the older woman exasperates, throwing her arms out. It hurts even worse pushing away from Lorna—pushing away from the comfort she wants, longs for. But, deep down, she knows her heart can't take it anymore. She can't keep doing this – keep pretending that she'll ever have a chance with her favorite Italian beauty. Not with Vinny and the baby in the picture. There's no chance.
"Pretending?" Lorna feels her heart shatter even further inside her chest. It rips her up to hear that Nicky would ever even think something like that—to think that she doesn't want to be there for her. She shakes her head. That couldn't be further from the truth if it tried. Nicky's the only woman she could care for in such a way – such a way that she knows is toxic to both of them. But, now, she ponders on the thought of whether the real toxic thing is loving Nicky or forcing herself to live a "pure" life just for the sake of her family's religious background.
"I do wanna help ya. I wanna comfort you, Nicky…just like all the times you've done for me. I don't like seeing you in pain, it hurts. Seeing you this way—oh, hon, it's like a stab in the heart. I'm not gonna just leave ya here. Please let me hold you, would ya?"
As much as Nicky wants to believe her every word—yearns for the offered comfort—she knows it's too good to be true. It's always too good to be true. "Ya wanna know what hurts worse than any a this, kid? What makes waking up in the morning such a dreaded occurrence—is knowing that the woman I love…the woman I would give my life for…is fucking pregnant with her husband's baby. That's what hurts so bad. What makes living almost unbearable half the fucking time. And I can't—I'm not sure if I can live like that anymore, doll. I'll always love you but it hurts too damn bad."
A lump forms in her throat. Lorna shakes her head fiercely and pulls Nicky into her arms, keeping her grip snug. "I'm so sorry, Nicky—I'm so sorry for being the cause of your pain," she whispers, resting her forehead over the other's. Every bit of pain etched on her face tears heavily at her chest. She tenderly brushes a thumb over the many tears that stream along it. "I know I can't change the pregnancy…but what I can do is divorce Vinny so I can be with you. I don't want you to hurt anymore, honey. You don't deserve to. You're too beautiful of a human being to hurt like this."
"No, baby, you're not fucking divorcing your husband outta pity for your ex-prison lover. I can't let you do that. I love ya too much to see you do something that would only worsen the situation—"
Soft lips press slowly over Nicky's. Lorna smiles, tears in her eyes at this point, and pulls away to cup her distressed friend's face lovingly in her hands. "It's not outta pity—it's out of the love I have for you, sweetie. I love you so much and it's time I accept that. I've caused you enough pain—I need to make up for that. I need to give up Vinny and the "dream" life I thought I wanted…because that's not what I really want. What—no who—I want is you, my beautiful Nicky. You're who I want to marry someday, who I want to raise my baby with. If ya want to, of course. I know that's a lot to ask of you. I love you, Nicky. Not Vinny and I'm so, so sorry it's taken me so fucking long to come to that realization. Better late than never, right?"
Everything inside of her freezes. Nicky has to pinch herself several times to make sure this isn't just some cruel dream. A yelp from the pain informs her that this is—indeed—real. Several sniffles shake their way out of her throat. "Are ya being real right now? You-you really love me back?"
"Yes, hon, I really love you. I mean it. I never stopped. I just—I thought I needed to fill the hole seeing you carted off here left me with. But that was the worst decision I ever made. Was choosing Vinny over you. I hate myself for that. I hurt you for no reason and there's not enough apologies I can tell you to make up for it. What I can do is move on with you now—I'll file a divorce first thing tomorrow, Nicky. I just—I wanna be with you and make you happy again. I wanna see ya smile, sweetie. I don't like what I've done to you. Let me make up for all the hurt."
Wrapping her own hands around Lorna's cheeks, Nicky happily smashes their lips together in a fiery kiss. She smiles through her tears and nods ecstatically. "This is the best thing I've heard in a long time—I'll sure as hell will be with you forever, baby. You have no, no, fucking clue how happy I am right now. I love you so fucking much, my Lorna baby. Thank you for finally waking the hell up and realizing that."
Lorna smiles, letting her lips brush once more over the other's—softer and slower. She gently lays herself on the floor beside the mess of bookshelves before softly pulling Nicky down on top of her. "You should probably try to rest, my sweetie. That bruise must be really killing ya," her voice warm against the redhead's lips; she kisses them one last time and then tenderly lays Nicky's head onto her chest. She nuzzles her chin overtop of thick red curls, holding her tight against herself. "I love you more than anything in the world; I'll never hurt ya again, honey. I promise."