Author's Note: Thank you Unnamed Guests, Shirayuki55, vausesandspanishharlem, and CarsasaAllakay for the lovely reviews. I finally had a hit of inspiration for another one-shot a few days ago and so here it is. This one isn't technically inspired by season six but it does take place as if it would have happened then. The idea came from season four when Boo slightly hints at Lorna's "forcing" herself to puke with a toothbrush. Anyway, feel free to review - those always make me happy and are cherished so much. Thanks.

Warning: Heavily based around eating disorder.

Hidden Scars

It wasn't something she meant to do. She hadn't planned to shovel food into her mouth during meals and then force all of it back up each night in the bathroom. But, regardless, it gradually became a nightly ritual for Lorna. She found herself spending hours upon hours retching over a toilet until her throat grew raw and inflamed. The pain such activity left her throat in didn't much as phase her; she welcomed it with open arms. After watching Nicky—the woman she loved and yearned after—get forcefully taken to maximum security, this was the only way to ease the hurt. The hurt of being left alone.

The riot and everything that followed afterwards only strengthened her desire to hide away in a bathroom stall until her stomach was empty of all nutrients. It was all she could control during the ordeal. All she could do to keep herself together. Throughout the entire three days—three excruciatingly long days—she found herself feeling so lonely. A loneliness she'd never experienced before. And the only way she knew how to deal with such a sensation was to heave over a toilet until she had nothing left in her.

Even after she was carted away to max—along with the hundreds of other inmates—the heaving routine continued. It was the one thing in her life that she had the ability to take control of. The only way she knew how to cope with her profoundly-rooted pain—the isolation and fear of her new place of residency. The time she spent in the shower stall—late each night and early each morning—was all she had to keep her from falling apart.

The first time she caught glimpse of a familiar bush of red hair, only a day after her arrival, she felt her entire body freeze. It was like a dream to her. A sight too good to be true, she knew. There wasn't a chance that was really her—really her Nicky. It'd been too long since their last encounter—too much time had past for this to click in her brain that it wasn't only a dream; this was reality.

Not until she heard that warm, husky, voice did she believe any of what she saw was real. She did a doubletake, eyes searching in its direction and finding the very woman standing only a few feet away, talking to a group of women she wasn't familiar with. A sad sigh escaped through her throat. She should have figured that Nicky would make new friends. And why shouldn't she? Her brown eyes turned away, pained at the very vivid realization that all she had now was herself. Even Nicky didn't seem to want her anymore—and she couldn't blame her. No one needed to be bothered with Lorna. She was not worth the trouble.

Dinner came and Lorna felt anything but hungry. The thought of putting any morsel of food into her mouth made her physically sick. Yet, the last thing she needed right now was for a CO to yell at her for not attending supper like everyone else; so, she forced herself out of her cell and down to the highly busy food-line. She quickly grabbed a small tray of food and walked to an empty table. She couldn't face people today. Not after seeing Nicky again…after seeing her happily moved on with a possible new prison family.

She used the fork to move around tiny pieces of pasta, her head shaking solemnly. Her life went from the peak of a mountain to the very bottom of a rabbit hole in the flash of a light. This new prison, it was a thousand times worse than Litchfield; hell, it made that look like a children's carnival. Making friends here was like trying to pull teeth from a family of lions—it just wouldn't happen.

"Morello? Oh, thank God, someone I can actually sit with who won't plot my death," a recognizable light Spanish accent rang through Lorna's ears. She looked up from the tray to come face-to-face with Flaca—who appeared just as frazzled as she felt.

"Hey," Lorna muttered, the usual chirpy tone absent from her greeting. Though everything in her was drained and bleak, she managed to force a small smile on her face. She could use the company; something to help keep her mind off of Nicky. "Yeah, this place is real shitty—ain't it?"

Stabbing a piece of meat, Flaca gave a nod in response. No prison was drearier than this hellhole. Especially without her best friend. A small smile found its way to her face as well; it was a comfort to find someone from Litchfield. A person who never caused trouble with anyone. "Hell yeah it is. All these bitches are depressing as shit," she said, a light chuckle following it.

Lorna focused her eyes back towards her barely-touched tray. She was most-likely one of those now, she sadly internalized. Without Nicky or any of her former "family", she felt nothing but desolation and withdrawn from the world. She nodded, however, and forced a small bite of pasta into her mouth. "Where's that friend a yours you're always with?"

"Oh, ya mean Maritza?" The Hispanic inmate questioned, her heart heavy just speaking that name. Seeing Lorna nod, she sighed and took a sip from her plastic cup. "They sent her to some prison in fucking Ohio. Ohio can ya believe that shit?"

"I'm sorry," the Italian murmured, a look of sympathy in her dark brown orbs. God did she know exactly how Flaca felt. Separation from the one a person loves was the most agonizing thing in the world. She knew that from experience. From the three long months she'd been without her Nicky. And now in Nicky's vicinity but not having the ability to actually communicate with her. It hurt like a barefoot walk on scorching pavement.

Flaca shrugged her shoulders and chucked a piece of flaky meatball into her mouth. "Hey, not like ya can help it. This prison just hates to see any of us happy. Oh, well, fuck it. At least ya got your girl Nicky back, yeah? Ya talk to her yet? I've seen her a couple times while cleaning."

The inquiry only strengthened the pang in Lorna's chest. Oh, how she longed to see Nicky and catch up with her. But she knew that wasn't plausible. She couldn't intervene in Nicky's life, not when it seemed she found a place where she belonged. She wouldn't ruin that for her, no matter how much it hurt to be without her. "I haven't gotten around to it—she seems busy and I don't wanna disturb her. One a these days I'm sure we'll run into each other, maybe," Lorna finally answered and gathered her things.

She stood up from her seat, giving one last glance towards the other inmate. "I'll see ya later, gonna go catch a shower before it gets crowded," her voice muttered as she gave a small wave in correlation with her words.

"Ya didn't even eat," Flaca chimed but saw that Lorna was already half-way out of the room.

It was her evening ritual to take a nice, hot, shower each day after dinner. Washing away another dreadful day at Litchfield max, Nicky deemed it. The place was horrible; COs didn't give a damn about any inmates, inmates didn't give a damn about other inmates—a never ending cycle of no one giving a damn, she found it to be. She hated to admit it but she missed regular Litchfield. The COs there, the people…her entire family and of course, Lorna. Oh, how she missed that bubbly little Italian woman—her cute accent, angelic face, and God, she couldn't forget those hot red lips.

The steam from the running water was the best part of Nicky's day. She lived for this treasured moment every single evening. The moment where all she had to worry about was the temperature of the water. A moment where she could gather her thoughts. She smiled and soon felt the filth of the day tumble off of her. A beautiful time, she thought. She brushed her hands through her long red hair, letting it comb the bubbly shampoo all over. Such a simple gesture gave so much happiness to Nicky. On the outside, showering was something almost everyone took for granted—but in here, showering was viewed as a luxury. At least in her case it was.

Ten minutes flew by rather quickly, she noted as she turned the shower's switch. A sad sigh came through her larynx at the thought of having to return to her reality. The bleak reality of going back to a bleak prison life. She dreaded it but knew there wasn't anything she could do to change it. She just had to finish out her sentence and hope to get out on time.

Throwing a towel on her head, she rushed to get herself redressed in her khakis. The sensation of the cotton against her freshly washed skin was everything to her. Something she craved for every evening. She placed her hands on the towel that covered her hair and moved it around to aide in its drying. After a few seconds, she threw it off and let her hair sit against her shoulders in its naturally wild curls.

While walking towards the exit, the sound of loud choking immediately halted her. She followed where it seemed to come from and cautiously let her eyes peak inside the stall. What she saw made her instinctively throw back the curtain and envelop her arms tight around a heaving Lorna's body. She couldn't believe it. How the very woman she missed so much was here—right in front of her.

"Oh, Lorna," Nicky murmured with pleasure, pulling the woman closer to her and brushing a soft kiss against her head. "The food doesn't agree with ya, huh? This place is shit. The food comes outta some kinda bag. Course it's gonna make ya sick. Oh, god, Lorna—I can't fucking believe it's really you. What the—baby, what the hell are ya doin' here? How'd ya get sent here?"

The sensation of those familiar arms around her—that husky voice addressing her, it was everything Lorna needed these past few months. All that she craved. Yet, now, it made her withdraw even further into her head. She couldn't make sense of this right now. How Nicky could truly be happy to see her. It didn't make sense. A lump formed in her throat. She hated herself for pulling away from the much desired embrace—the only pair of arms that ever brought her the security she knew she needed in her life.

Such actions brought a strong bout of concern over the taller redhead. She tilted her head, big brown orbs gazing softly into Lorna's. "What's wrong, doll? You love when I hold ya…what's going on? Something happen to ya?"

"Nothing," Lorna whispered, shaking her head. But she refused to look Nicky in the eye. She hadn't the strength. It ripped her heart up to refuse any of the redhead's touch; the touch that her body so desperately yearned for. "I missed you…a lot," the words softly muttered from her faintly quivering lips.

"Yeah? Then come here and lemme hold ya," Nicky pleaded, opening her arms wide for the woman she loved. The only woman who could ever fill the emptiness in her heart. It worried her tremendously to see her in this odd condition. To see her refuse her affection when it was so blatantly obvious she wanted it—needed it. "Something's wrong, baby, you never act like this. Did the guards touch you or somethin'? Which one?"

Shaking her head, Lorna only backed farther away. Tears gradually leaked from her eyes. She couldn't comprehend why she was torturing herself in this manner but she knew she couldn't allow Nicky to bring her any comfort. She had to go. Nicky didn't need someone like her anymore, she remembered. "I, uh, I gotta go back to my cell. I-I'll see ya around, Nicky," her voice cracked between sniffles. She forced her way through the narrow path and out of the room.

The next morning Nicky vowed to get to the bottom of the Italian woman's actions. She wouldn't allow her to get away with that. With pretending nothing's bothering her when it was so clear that something was. After receiving her tray, she searched the entire room until she caught glimpse of a familiar brunette. She ignored the looks her usual table of "friends" gave her and made a v-line to Lorna.

Eyes glued to her half-thawed waffle, Lorna all but jumped at the feeling of someone's hand resting over her own. Without even looking, she knew it was Nicky's. She memorized Nicky's touches like she did all her friends' phone numbers back in elementary school. Usually the gentle gesture would immediately put a smile on her face but instead it only complicated things.

"Talk to me, kid," Nicky finally spoke out. She sat across from her so that she could stare her in the eye. Find the culprit of her problem. It pained her to see Lorna this way. So withdrawn and depressive almost. Two things that she knew Lorna was not. "What happened? I need to know what the fuck happened to make ya like this, baby. This is not you."

Lorna shook her head and cut a sliver of a piece of waffle. She used the fork to swish it around it the syrup before bringing it towards her mouth for a bite. The taste reminded her of school mornings only a lot less appealing. "Nothing happened, Nicky. I'm fine. Don't worry about me," she whispered, keeping her eyes down at the food that made up her tray. It was growing harder and harder to push Nicky away. She loathed it. But Nicky didn't need her, she reminded herself. She had a new family. There was no reason for her to intrude on that.

Rubbing her temples in frustration, Nicky grumbled out a sigh. Something didn't feel right about this. She didn't like the way Lorna whispered and barely looked up from her food. It was highly uncharacteristic of her, she knew. "Something fucking happened for ya to behave this way. You're not yourself, Lorna baby. What's wrong? Please fucking tell me. I won't stop pestering you until ya tell me. I need to know. I love you so much—so much, doll."

However, before Lorna even had a chance to respond, an infuriated inmate—short-brown hair flatly sitting framed around her face—came marching her way to their table. She stood in front of it, blue eyes piercing angrily across at the petite Italian woman. "What the fuck is this? Nichols, what the fuck are ya doing with that? And why the hell did I hear ya just proclaim your love to her? Ya never fucking mentioned you had a little girlfriend to me," her thick Australian accent growled through the boiling rage.

Everything inside of her stopped. There wasn't enough air for Lorna to take in. She felt her heart-rate rise while her mouth gaped open, instinctively gasping for air. It shouldn't come as a surprise to her, she knew, but that didn't stop it from doing exactly that. The pure thought of Nicky's hooking up with another woman made her want to hide away in that shower stall for the rest of her life.

In a matter of seconds, Nicky was at Lorna's side—pulling her against her chest and rubbing her back to help her catch her breath. She lifted her head to glare darkly back at Stella—the woman she made one terrible mistake with and longed to erase it. "That? That? She is not a fucking that ya little heartless bitch," she hissed, venom seeping heavily through her voice. "She's a sweet, beautiful, loving woman. Who I love with my entire heart. She's more than my girlfriend…she's my baby and I swear to God, ya ever try to hurt her—I'll ruin ya for good."

"Fuck you, Nichols. I'll just have Barb's posy come after your precious little friend if ya wanna play that game. You fucking slept with me—how can ya love that little plump figure? God, look at all that fat on her. I'm sure that'll be real fun to have sex with, huh?"

Lorna finally had the ability to suck in a deep enough breath of air and pushed her way out of Nicky's hold. She couldn't handle this. She needed to get away—to go to her safe place. Her head bent down as she moved her legs nearer the opening to the hallway. It made her physically ill to imagine Nicky having sex with that woman. It made her crave her heaving routine even more. The only thing that could calm her down at a time like this, she knew.

Realization hit her hard the minute she walked inside the shower room. The familiar sound of heaving and gagging alerted her to where to find the petite brunette. She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. Nicky loathed herself for not putting two and two together. She frisked her way towards the stall—noting it was the same one she found her in last night—and tore open the curtain. This time, she let herself take a second to look Lorna over. A pang sat in her chest to conclude that this was Lorna's way of coping. It tore at her heart to know that.

Continuing to force herself to retch, Lorna ignored the presence of whoever was standing behind her. She didn't care anymore; she just needed to clear herself out. It was the only way to make her feel better. Or at least numb enough to not care about anything. Her throat started to hurt from the continuous reflux of acid and bile; however, she ignored it and kept pushing. She pushed and pushed until her face started to become blue.

Terrified at what was occurring, Nicky immediately grabbed her and pushed firmly—yet as gentle as she could—on her abdomen to get her to cough whatever was stuck out. As soon as it released from her mouth into the drain, Nicky pulled Lorna away and onto her lap. "How long? How long has this been going on, baby?" She sternly inquired, arms wrapped protectively around her waist.

"What?"

"Come on, Lorna…don't play around," Nicky pleaded. She laid the brunette's head delicately against her chest and ran her hands lovingly through her dark waves. "How long have ya been forcing yourself to vomit? I need you to tell me, doll. This is dangerous and you could really hurt yourself."

Lorna sniffled lightly. She bowed her head, shameful of herself. Of Nicky's finding out about her little secret. The secret she longed to keep hidden. "I-I didn't force myself to do that. I'm fine. Please just-just stop bothering with me."

The request shattered Nicky's heart to hear. She shook her head fiercely and tightened her hold on the other. Like hell she'd leave Lorna alone…especially after an incident like this. Over her dead body, she thought. "Lorna don't lie. You and I both know you made yourself puke. You need to tell me how long you've been doing it. You are not fine—tell me what's going on right now! Come on, baby, I love you so fucking much—why are you so afraid of me all of a sudden? What the fuck happened?"

"I'm not afraid of you. I love you, Nicky—I missed you so much. It hurt real bad and then I came here and saw ya yesterday in the common area—"

"Yesterday in the common area? Why didn't you come talk to me, baby? I didn't even know you were here until last night."

Trying to push way, Lorna shook her head and focused her eyes on the ground. "I didn't wanna intrude," she muttered, tracing a finger around the tiles that make up the floor of the shower.

Nicky grabbed her hand immediately and looked heatedly into her eyes, "Don't touch that floor, it's filthy. I don't want ya getting sick, doll." She let out a dreary sigh at the comment—inwardly smacking herself for being too caught up with the damn sister feud—and took Lorna's face into her hands. She lay her forehead softly over hers. "Baby, you're the most important person to me…please don't ever feel that way. I love you; you're all I've been thinking about since the moment I was thrown here. God, it's been fucking hell without you, doll."

"But what about that Australian girl? Obviously, it wasn't that much hell…I mean if ya wanna be with her, that's fine. I don't wanna keep ya from her, Nicky."

"Fuck Stella," Nicky hissed, caressing the tips of her fingers lightly along the sides of Lorna's teary cheeks. "That was a mistake and a half, believe me. You, baby, you are who I love. Who I wanna be with. I don't give two rat's asses about that Stella bitch. Especially not after she insulted my sweet baby the way she did. Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry about that, Lorna love. Please tell me ya don't believe anything she said about ya? You're gorgeous and perfect, doll."

Another sniffle escaped Lorna. She shook her head. Of course the words were true. Why she needed to make everything she put in her mouth come back up. She was too plump—too heavy. And, no one deserved to be with a person like that. A person like herself. "I-I think there's some truth in what she said, though. Don't you?"

Shaking her head infuriatingly, Nicky peered intensely down at the brunette. It boiled a rage in her to hear Lorna think so poorly of herself. She gritted her teeth to keep the anger from pouring out of her and stroked a kiss comfortingly over the soft flesh of the other's forehead. "I know there's absolutely no fucking truth in anything she said. You're fucking perfect, my Lorna. Is this why you force yourself to puke? Do you fucking think you're fat? Did someone make you think this way? Lorna, talk to me. When did all this shit start? Have you been doing this the entire time I've known you?"

"I didn't mean to do it, Nicky. It just—it happened."

Nicky felt her eyes blink rapidly, she slowly nodded. "How long ago did this just happen, kid? Can you remember?"

A lump formed in the back of her throat. Lorna bowed her head and gave a slight shrug. "I don't know exactly when. But probably around the time you were sent here. I-I was just so alone and hurt and scared…that the only thing I felt I could do was control my weight."

Such a confession brought a few stray tears to Nicky's eyes. She wrapped her arms tighter around the trembling brunette and placed her head softly onto her chest. It broke her heart to hear how much agony the woman she loved was left with after her forceful departure. "Oh, Lorna," she softly started, resting her head lovingly atop Lorna's. Lips stroked multiple kisses over brown waves. "Baby…I'm so sorry ya felt that way. So sorry you were hurting so bad that the only thing you had was to hurt yourself even more. God, Lorna—sweetie, that's not good for ya. That's not good for you to fucking think that making yourself sick is normal. Is a way to comfort yourself. It's unhealthy. You need to stop. Control your weight? Why would you even need to? You've never been fat. And baby, even if you were that's no damn reason to harm yourself like this. Why didn't you go to Red? Why didn't you talk to her? You know you're just as much one of her daughters as I am, yeah? She would have helped you cope—in a healthy way."

"Nicky, you don't understand. It's the only thing I have control over in here and there. I need to do it. I don't feel right if I don't do it when I'm supposed to."

"I understand that you're fucking addicted to this. And guess what babe? I'm a fucking drug addict so I have some knowledge on addictive behaviors. This vomiting shit needs to end. I know it's not gonna be easy but there's no way in hell I'm letting this go on any longer. You have no idea how much harm you might have done to yourself by fucking doing this. You could tear your damn esophagus by retching the way you do—baby, if that happens, you'd fucking die. I'm not losing you. So you're done. You're fucking done. No more coming in here to throw up. If I see you walking anywhere near this place, I'll be following you. I can't let you hurt yourself any more than you already have. I love you way too much to do that."

Tears poured heavily from Lorna's at that point, she shook her head fiercely. She couldn't agree to that. Nicky didn't understand how much she needed this ritual. How much this ritual saved her. Without it, she'd surely fall apart and that was not something she was okay with. "I don't wanna stop, I can't. If I—if I do, the pain will come back. I don't want that."

Nicky sighed, stroking a hand delicately through her dark hair. "I know you don't, baby. You're addicted to this. But you're going to stop. You have me now. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. You don't need this shit anymore, Lorna. I'm right here and I'm gonna help ya get past this. When ya feel like coming down here to vomit, I want you to come to me instead. I'll give you comfort. I'll hold you and kiss you until you feel better. I won't hurt you like this fucking puking ritual is. I'll protect you and love you. No more of this. Absolutely no more," she assured, stroking her lips warmly over Lorna's head before laying it softly back against her chest.

"I love you with my whole heart, Lorna. And I promise you don't need to do this anymore. You have me. I'm gonna take care of you just like before. Everything is gonna be just fine, my baby."