Saturday.
Waking up the next morning after a break up has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world. You lie in bed looking up at your ceiling or laying on your side maybe your even laying on your stomach but the feeling stays the same.
Your wounded, there's a hole in your chest and you can't do a damn thing to fix it. The sun is bright as ever continuing it's daily routine and you wish you can keep your eyes shut for just a little while longer.
Your body is immovable to the bed and when you finally feel like your ready to get up and won't fall apart at the seams, your entire body feels like it's being weighed down by your regrets.
She's been laying in bed for hours going in and out of sleep. Flashes of Rachel's pained face wakes her and stays with her until her eyes are too tired to stay open.
She didn't even notice the sun fighting through her shutters until she heard a soft knock on her door.
"Quinn?" Judy heard her come in last night but it's nearly one in the afternoon and her daughter never sleeps in this late.
She was smart enough to lock her door this time. She's not blaming her mother for anything it was her actions that led to all this. She just doesn't feel like talking to anyone.
Judy knocks on her door once more and waits. After a few minutes and still no answer she eventually gave up and knew that Quinn will leave her room when she's ready.
Her phone's been ringing since this morning and the majority of the calls were from Santana. She's probably pissed off because she missed a mandatory practice today. Since Nationals is in two weeks Coach Sylvester isn't going to be to happy with her captain missing so she'll take it out on the squad.
She didn't care though, nothing mattered now that her happiness was somewhere buried deep inside. She was grateful her battery eventually died because she couldn't stand the sound of her ringtone much longer.
She managed to move to her side and felt her back ache. It was probably from all the heavy crying that caused her body to feel sore. She also felt her pillow wet from all the tears. She grabbed it and threw it down at her feet.
She just laid there looking at her window that's preventing the light to shine through. She shut her eyes begging that once they open again the pain that settled in her heart will subside. At least just enough for her to get out of bed and face the broken reality she now lives on.
"What the hell is going on!?"
Santana was pacing back and forth in Britney's room with her cell phone in hand. "I swear Brit, Quinn is really pushing me over the edge. It's one thing not showing up at the party last night but to miss practice when she knows damn well that Sue is on a rampage. She can kiss that National's championship goodbye. There's no way Sue is going to take her back on the team after this bullshit she's pulling." She dials Quinn's number again and rubs the back of her neck.
"Voicemail!" She throws her phone on the bed pissed off that her calls keep getting forwarded.
"San, don't get so rilled up Quinn just needs her space. Have you tried calling Rachel?" Britney was sitting on the floor giving Lord Tubbington a belly rub.
"Of course I have, but she's not answering her phone either. I swear those two should never have hooked up. I knew from the very beginning it was a bad idea. But you just had to keep cheering them on didn't you?" Santana laid down with her arms behind her head looking up at Britney's baby blue painted ceiling.
Britney furrowed her eyebrows and released Lord Tubbington. She walked over to the foot of the bed and started crawling from the bottom and made her way on top of the Latina. She laid her head on her chest and ran her index finger up and down her girlfriends arm.
"But they're meant to be San. They can't escape fate, things will fall into place but it just takes time."
Santana rolls her eyes but one of things she loved about Britney was her view on life. Through Britney's eyes everything in her world looks so happy and peaceful. She couldn't help but smile at her girlfriends comment because she knew that's exactly what she needed in her life. Britney gives her a sense of balance, she gives her hope. Hope that once they're out of Lima life on the other side will be so much better.
"Well, time sucks right now Brit and I don't think Quinn is doing so well. Whatever it is that's she's going through I hope Berry can toughen up and deal with Quinn's bullshit." She wraps her arms around her girlfriend and squeezes Britney tight.
"I hope they can work through this. I was really starting to like Rachel." Britney tightens her hold on her girlfriend and frowns.
Santana lets out a heavy sigh, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Leroy cracked her door to see if she had woken up. She's been laying in bed for while and they completely understand why. It was lunch time and Leroy was beginning to worry that she'll never leave her bed.
He shut the door and walked down to the kitchen. When he walks in he sees his husband reading the paper.
"What are we going to do about our little princess?" Leroy grabbed his cup of coffee and sat across from his husband.
"Just give her some time. First break up's aren't easy Leroy. Our baby girl is tough she'll be all right." Hiram didn't even take his eyes off the paper he takes a sip of his coffee and turns the page.
"Why aren't you the least bit concerned that our little girl just got her heart broken?" He shakes his head remembering he married an emotionless rock for a husband.
Hiram folds the newspaper and places it on the table. He takes off his reading glasses and looks straight into his husbands eyes.
"Of course I care, but there's very little we can do right now. Rachel needs to find it in herself to get up from this. We can't force her to talk to us. She needs her space and when she's ready we'll be right there next to her. I know how difficult it is for you to not meddle but sweetheart, your just going to have to control yourself okay?" He smiled at him across the table and it brought warmth in Leroy's heart.
Leroy leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms. "Fine. It just breaks my heart seeing her like this. I wonder how Quinn's doing?"
"I'm sure she's having a rough time too."
"Poor girl, I wonder what happened? They seemed so happy together I hope she knows we still care about her." he take another sip of his coffee. He looks out the window and saw that it was such a beautiful day. It would be a waste spending it locked up in a dark room.
"I hope so too." Hiram unfolds his paper and started reading it again.
Sunday.
"Quinn?" Judy was holding the spare key ready to storm in her daughters room if she doesn't open the door. Quinn hasn't left her room all day yesterday. "Quinn Fabray! If you don't open this door right this minute I will use this spare key..."
The door slowly opens and Quinn walks past her mother and heads for the kitchen. Judy just stood there frozen she couldn't recognize her daughter it was like her life had been sucked out of her.
"Rachel?" Hiram walked in and heard his daughter sobbing.
Hiram walks over to her bed and sits down behind her they left her alone yesterday and they really needed her eat something. "Sweetheart? I know how painful it is right now but I promise you that your heart will heal."
Rachel was facing away from her dad but when she heard him she whips around and wraps her arms around his waist. She cried so hard she couldn't believe there was tears left in her eyes. Hiram just held her because that's all he can really do.
Monday.
Santana and Britney waited around the school parking lot to see if Quinn was going to show up today.
"Do you think she'll come?" Santana questions looking around the parking lot.
"I hope so, I really miss her."
They heard the bell ring and started walking towards the school. They kept an eye out but Quinn's car was still no where to be found.
Santana pulls out her phone and dials Quinn's number.
"She's still not answering her phone." She hangs up and puts her phone away.
"I have her on my second period, if she doesn't show up do you want to go to her house at lunch?"
"Yeah that sounds good. I'll see you later." Santana gives her a kiss goodbye once they enter the hallway. They part ways and when she turned the corner to her class she spots Rachel taking books out of her locker.
She hated that she was glad to see her. "Rachel?!"
Rachel recognized the voice but she was surprised to hear her first name. She slammed her locker shut and waited for Santana to face her.
"Hey! How are you?" She smiles at her but when she actually faced the diva she knew that something was wrong.
"I'm okay. I'm running late Santana can we do this later?" She didn't even give her a chance to say anything back. She came to school late hoping not to run into anyone. She was hoping to be invisible today.
Santana's hand was balled into fist frustrated that no one is telling her anything. "She won't answer my calls!" Her voice sounded desperate.
Rachel froze and stood in the middle of the hallway. She tried to prepare herself for today. She knew this was going to happen or worst she was going to see Quinn.
She kept walking ignoring what Santana yelled at her. She just needed to take a breather. When she turned the corner she collapsed and leaned on the nearest wall for support. She gripped her text book fighting the pain inside her.
She closed her eyes and took three deep breaths and remembered what she told herself this morning.
This pain is superficial, your heart will heal and it will get easier. Your strong Rachel. Heartache happens for a reason. You have to face it head on and beat it.
She straightened herself and exhaled. When she was ready she opened her eyes and straight ahead she felt hazel eyes looking directly at her from a distance.
Quinn was holding the door knob to her classroom. She stood there and watched Rachel crumble and collect herself in a matter of minutes.
Even though they were far apart when their eyes met for the first time all the feelings that happened two nights ago came barreling in.
Rachel took a step forward but her legs stopped itself from moving any further. She knew her heart was going to take a beating today. it just never occurred to her that it would happen so soon. She hopes she has enough strength to get her out of here in one piece. She forced her legs to move, she turned around and continued walking towards her classroom.
Watching Rachel turn her back on her and walk off was more painful than she thought. She took a moment before entering her class, she can feel something creeping inside her heart.
"You can do this." She says to herself. She stepped inside her classroom and took her seat. She heard her teacher bellowing at her for being late but she didn't care. She pulled her hood over and rested her head on her arms.
She wasn't going to cry, she bottled every single emotion and locked it up before she stepped out of her car. Seeing Rachel isn't going to open up what she stored away.
Not here, please not here. Hold it together Fabray.
Before she knew it she felt something cold around her eyes. Her pain surfaced and was gripping her heart. She took a deep breath and wiped her tears away. She knew this was going to be the outcome, she understood that it wasn't going to be easy and avoiding Rachel wasn't an option. She just wished that it didn't have to be this way.
"Hey, something's wrong." Kurt scoots his chair closer to the brunette. He noticed her walk in with a sullen face.
"What?" Am I that obvious? "No, I'm just distracted with all these AP classes. I'm perfectly fine." Lies, lies, lies, is that what she got out of her relationship from Quinn. Learning how to lie to the ones that matter to her.
"I don't buy it. One, your outfit is screaming at me, I was assembled out of sadness. Two, your Rachel Berry, when are you ever late? What's going on? Oh, and three, stop lying to me, you never lie." He kept his eyes forward and didn't realize what his words were doing to her.
Rachel got up and stormed out of the classroom.
"Ms. Berry?!" Mr. Holt called for her but she was out the door.
Kurt raised his hand concerned about what he just said to Rachel. "Mr. Holt? Can I check on her please?"
"Okay Kurt, five minutes." he tells him.
Kurt walks out and looks around the hallway. He noticed the closes bathroom and searches for her there.
Without any hesitation he walks in and all he heard were sobbing from one of the stalls.
"Rachel?" he turns around and locks the door behind him. "Come on sweetie talk to me." he pushes the stall door one at time to see where Rachel is hiding. When he found the one her sobbing became soft whimpers.
"Rachel, I'm sorry that I called your outfit sad."
Behind the door she smiled at the apology. This is what she really didn't want to happen. She didn't want to end up in a bathroom stall crying her eyes out.
"Rachel, what's going on?" Kurt hears the door click and Rachel slowly steps out. He grabs a paper towel and hands it to her.
"Thanks." She says softly.
He gives her a soft smile but she can see it in his eyes that he's very worried about her.
"Please don't look at me like that Kurt." She gently pats the paper towel around her eyes. Looking straight into the mirror and avoiding eye contact with her best friend.
"I'm worried about you, I can't help it that I wear my emotions on my face."
"There's nothing to worry about, I'm fine..."
"That's not exactly the answer I was looking for Rachel, does this have something to do with Quinn?"
Hearing her name slashed right through her leaving her heart open and bleeding. She looked in the mirror and kept wiping away the tears.
"I'm just confused, please Kurt don't make me say anymore." her eyes were beginning to tear up again.
That's when he knew Rachel has been keeping her feelings locked up and now it's screaming to get out. But there was more to the story than what she's exposing to him.
"Okay Rachel, but it's me your talking to. If you need to get something out of your chest I'm always going to be here for you." he walked behind her and gave her a hug. He rested his head on her shoulder both looking in the mirror.
He was disappointed that she can't trust him with her secrets but he can't blame her. They just started getting really close last year and before that they were complete rivals.
She smiles and felt happy knowing he's there when she really needs him. She's in so much pain but he knows she has to do this on her own. It's Quinn's secret that she has to preserve and even if she'll never be able to talk to someone about what really happened between them then she'll just add it to pile and lock it up.
"We should head back, Mr. Holt told me five minutes. I'm sure we're past that so I'll see you in detention."
Rachel gasped, "My perfect record tarnished?"
Kurt laughed and was glad that there was still the Rachel Berry he knew and adored deep inside. She goes in and out and in times like this he couldn't even recognize her or understand who she's becoming. So whatever it is she's going through he hopes that she'll find herself again.
Rachel looked in the mirror once more.
You can do this. Your strong.
Kurt was waiting by the door watching her it was like she was mentally preparing herself for a performance but that wasn't the case. When she was ready he pushed the door open and out she goes. Her stride was back and he was glad to see her confident again.
"Quinn!" Britney beamed seeing her best friend walk in.
"Hey Brit." She tried to sound excited but failed.
Britney stood up and gave Quinn one of her famous hugs. When she released her Quinn just smiled and Britney vowed to herself that she was going to try her hardest to cheer her up today.
"Where have you been? San and I have been so worried about you." they take their seats and Quinn just shrugged her shoulders.
Quinn did the same thing she did in her first period class, she hid under her hood. Only this time she put her headphones on to avoid Britney's questions.
Britney just watched her hide in her cave and tune the world out. She pulled out her phone and texted Santana.
She's here San, but she's in bad shape.
Santana felt her phone vibrate and read the text. She knew automatically that they ended things. Seeing Rachel this morning proved to her that things weren't okay in the home front. She just needed to see how Quinn was doing to confirm her suspicions.
Okay Brit just keep an eye on her until I see you in lunch okay.- San
Okay. -Brit
Sitting next to a bummed out Quinn made their time go excruciatingly slow. There were times when Quinn shifted her body and Britney thought that was a perfect opportunity to speak with her but Quinn just kept hiding.
Britney didn't know what to do or say so they sat next to each other in silence. When class ended Quinn barely moved. She lifted her head and looked at Britney.
"I'm just going to the bathroom Brit. I"ll meet you by my locker okay?" she smiled reassuring her that she'll be all right. She knew she was going to have to face Santana so a quick exit was her best solution.
Britney nods her head, she started grabbing her things and when she looks up Quinn was gone.
When Britney walked out of her class, Santana was rushing to meet them and accidentally collided into her.
"Ah!" Britney's books fell to the ground. "San?" She looks up at the panting cheerio towering over her.
"Sorry Brit, where's Q?" Santana kneeled down and started helping her girlfriend pick up her things.
"She went to the bathroom, she said she was going to meet us at her locker."
"Brit! I told you to keep an eye on her." She quickly stands up and scans the hallway.
Britney looked at her confused Quinn never lies to her. She felt sadden that Quinn would do that to her.
"Let's go, maybe we can still catch her. It's okay Brit I'm not mad and I'm sure Quinn didn't mean to lie." Santana put her arm around her and they walked to the parking lot.
They found Quinn's car but she wasn't inside. That means she's somewhere in the school. They called her phone but she turned it off. Her call went straight to voicemail as usually and it was driving her insane.
"I guess she's not ready to talk about it. Maybe we'll see her in glee." Then it hit her, "Oh no."
"What is it?" Britney looks at her confused.
"You haven't noticed it either?" They walk back to school and once they walked through the doors Santana stood in front of Britney and raised her arms showing her their surrounding.
"I don't get it? Did you want a hug? I'm sad too." Britney walks over to her arms wide and still wasn't getting the picture.
"Brit! Look around you, we've been too worried about Quinn that we didn't even realize that today is Valentines day."
Britney looks around and she finally noticed all the decorations. Her eyes were so huge and she quickly turned her focus on Santana.
"You didn't get me anything!" She said annoyed.
"What?" Santana couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"It's valentines day and you didn't give me chocolate or even a teddy."
Santana rubbed her temples agitated at the whole conversation. But Britney does deserve presents for valentines day, any holiday is sort of a big deal to her girlfriend.
"I left it at home baby, I'm sorry. I'll give it to you later okay." She gave her a kiss on the cheek and looped her arm with hers. That should buy her some time, they needed to get back on track. She needs to find Rachel so she can finally find out what's really going on.
Kurt was grabbing something from his locker and told Rachel he'll meet her in the cafeteria. He noticed from the corner of his eye a black hooded girl by Quinn's locker. "Quinn?" He says to himself questioning if it was her or somebody else. He's never seen her dress so casual before. He looks closer and knew that it was her.
He slams his locker and walks over to her. "Quinn. Can I have a moment?"
She paused not expecting Kurt to speak with her she kept taking her things out of locker avoiding his question.
Kurt was still waiting for a response and was getting irritated because she still isn't acknowledging his presence.
"Listen." he steps forward so that he was in her line of vision. "I don't know what's going on with you but whatever it is can you leave Rachel out of it. She's acting different and I don't like your influence on her Quinn."
Quinn slams her locker shut and walks away from him without even saying a word. Tears were pooling in her eyes and she needed leave Now.
Kurt couldn't believe how Quinn was acting towards him. He was fuming, ears turning beat red, eye brows furrowed and hands shaking from frustrationt. There's more to the story and Rachel wasn't going to spill the details.
He turned around and found Santana and Britney towards him.
"Have you seen Quinn?"
"She just stormed off. What's going on with her?" his voice was defensive.
"Stormed off? Did you say something to her?" Santana was quick to get in his face.
"I told her to leave Rachel alone. Rachel hasn't been herself ever since this weekend."
Santana slams her hand on the lockers fighting the urge to smack Kurt.
"What's your problem Santana?" Kurt took a step back from the Latina.
"My problem is you. Before you meddle in other people's business why don't you just shut your mouth and keep pretending you live in a magical universe and remember that nobody cares about your opinion." Santana grabs Britney's hand and started walking towards the exit.
Kurt follows them and when he caught up to her he walked right in front and stopped them from walking.
"You know what Santana, Rachel matters to me. And as Rachel's friend my opinion does matter because I care about her and whatever it is that's going on between her and Quinn..."
"I'm going to stop you right there. The fact that your claiming to be Rachel's friend and you don't have a single clue what's going on basically means you're part in this whole thing is to mind your own damn business."
"Oh really? Am I suppose to stand here and believe that you know what's really going on between them."
"Why don't you ask your best friend?" they walk away realizing how much time they've wasted talking rather than finding Quinn.
Kurt didn't want to believe what she was saying. He rushes over to the cafeteria but Rachel was no where. He takes out his cell phone and dials his number.
"Hey Kurt."
"Where are you?"
"I needed to clear my head, you sound upset what's wrong?"
"Does Santana know what's going on with you?"
She paused unsure how to answer his question. "Where are you?"
"I'm by the cafeteria."
"Is Blaine with you?" she wanted to talk to him in person but she wanted to do it alone.
"No."
"Okay I'm on my way. Let's meet at the auditorium okay?"
"All right." They hang up the phone and he starts walking towards the auditorium.
She didn't need this right now but Kurt is one of the most important people she cares about and she wanted to make it right.
When she made it to the stage Kurt was sitting on the edge dead center.
"Hey Kurt." She calls for him from the back entrance.
He whips around and sees her approaching him. "Hey Rachel."
She sits down beside him and rest her head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry Kurt."
"Rachel just tell me what the hell is going on."
"I can't, it's so complicated just try and understand where I'm coming from. Please. Santana does know but it's not because I told her. I don't even know is she knows anything. I know your frustrated but I will eventually tell you. But right now just be here for me."
He thinks about her request and just the thought of Santana knowing more than him was making it a difficult request to adhere to.
"Okay, but I have to tell you something. And you might not like it but I was only looking out for your best interest."
Rachel didn't like the sound of that so she sits up and looks him in the eyes.
"I saw Quinn and I told her to leave you alone." He shut his eyes and waited for the barrage of furious backlash but when silence fell he opened his eyes slowly and Rachel just smiled.
"You didn't have to do that but thanks."
His phone rang and knew it was Blaine.
"Go ahead, I actually wanted to stay here for a little while." she smiled at him reassuringly. She didn't want to leave this place. This is where she wanted to be this was the place where she's truly herself. She missed the spot light she forgot how easy it was doing things on her own.
"Okay, I'll see you in glee?"
"I'll see you in glee."
He walked off leaving her by herself he watched her stand up and face the empty seats she definitely needs this.
She looked up at the risers and envisioned the spot light on her. The warmth from light made her remember her dreams. She's been so caught up with relationships and finding out who she is that it steered her away from what's true and very real in her heart.
"I can`t apologize for the way I feel
Cause I`ve always been honest with you
I`ve loved you the best I could
In the only way I knew"
She stood there looking at her hands.
"And If that`s not enough I`ve got nothin` to say
And I`m not even sure that I would
Somedays it was bad and somedays good
But I`ve loved you the best I could"
She brings her hands up to her chest trying to keep her emotions from pouring out.
"I need more... I need someone to hold me tonight
Someone there when I turn out the lights
Just to be here with me"
She couldn't hold back her tears any longer.
"I need more...
I need more than you somehow
I need more than your time will allow"
"I want you as my friend
Why can`t you be that now?
You say you need me, then you`d be gone
The times I needed you"
"Then you`d hold me and say you`re sorry
But what else could you do?
Yet I know you really loved me
So it`s hard to let go like I should"
"Let`s forget the bad
Remember the good
Cause you loved me the best you could"
She collapses on her knees, chest heaving and her heart aching hearing the truth from her song.
"But I need more
I need someone to hold me tonight
Someone there when I turn out the light
Just to be here with me"
"I need more, I need more than you somehow
I need more than your time will allow
Remember the times that were good
We both loved the best we could"
She sat there beaten, looking down at her hands tears failing like rain drops. She knew the truth in her heart that things will be different. She'll be looking at Quinn and all she'll see is the life that could've been. Their plans for New York faded in her hazel eyes.
When she decides to stand up and leave her stage she has to let everything go. It's a harsh reality but she's stronger than before. She hears the bell ending lunch she felt like picking up the pieces might be a little easier now that she's realized what's important to her.
Two more periods Rachel and then glee. You can do this.
She wipes her tears away and places her hands on each side. She slowly pushes herself up and looks straight ahead.
All the seats were empty, her spot light still off. She takes one deep breath and shuts her eyes. She can hear her heart repairing itself. Slow heart beats finding its rhythm. She take one step and all the weight was gone. She took another step and before you know it she was near the exit looking at her empty stage.
She finds the nearest bathroom to freshen herself up.
When she looked in the mirror and seeing her puffy red eyes just made feel even more free. This was the evidence of how honest she can be about her pain. She was grateful and relived experiencing a true heartbreak so young. It will take her to greatness, it will make her dreams come true.
"There's only one thing left Rachel Berry." she says to herself while looking in the mirror.
Quinn was sitting in one of stalls, she didn't realize that anyone would walk in here so late.
She didn't know if she should go out and face her. Hearing the voice she missed so much was tearing her up.
"We have to face her." she gripped both side of the sink but still looking straight into her eyes.
Quinn wasn't even sure if she could face her right now. After what Kurt said to her she's been hiding here the whole time. The worst part of it all was this was the ladies room that made her realize that she liked Rachel. This was the same room when she saw Rachel so vulnerable after getting slushied.
Rachel took a deep breath, straightened herself and walked out. Quinn opened the stall door and found the room empty.
She walked over to the mirror and found Rachel's cell phone by the mirror. Her heart stopped.
She might remember and come back.
When she was about to exit leaving the phone behind the door started to open and Rachel walks in.
Shit!
"Excuse me." Rachel was looking down and didn't recognize that it was Quinn she had bumped into.
Quinn froze and blocked Rachel's path. Rachel finally looked up wondering who was standing in front of her and when their eyes met Rachel felt her stitches loosen and her heart ached.
"Hey." Rachel was surprised herself being able to say something. "I left my phone did you see it?" she stepped to the side and walked over to the mirror where she was before.
Quinn was still standing by the door unable to move or say one word.
"Here it is." when she turned around Quinn was still standing there motionless. "I didn't see you come in we're you here the whole time?"
Quinn's eyes grew larger, Shit!
"Yeah." her throat was so dry that when she answered her voice was faint. She clears her throat, "I wasn't sure if I was ready to face you so I stayed in the stall until you left." she kept her gaze down on the ground still afraid that if she sees her she'll fall apart.
"Oh, I understand." if she was the one hiding behind the stall she wouldn't be sure eiher. She grabbed her phone and was contemplating whether or not she should say more.
"I'm late for class, I'll see you around okay." She didn't want to sound like she didn't care but she knew that's how it came out.
"Yeah..." Quinn paused her heart was breaking and each time that happens it's so hard for her to pick them all up and put herself together. "I'm glad your doing okay Rachel."
She was almost out the bathroom when she heard what Quinn said. She should've kept walking, she should've pretended that she didn't hear her. She walked back and faced her with the door closing behind.
"I'm not okay Quinn, so please don't look at me and think you know how I'm feeling."
"I didn't mean it like that Rach. Just forget what I said okay." She finally found the courage to look her in the eyes.
"You make it sound so easy." When she saw those hazel orbs on hers she realized her feelings for Quinn went a lot deeper than she thought.
"What sound easy?"
"To forget." She opened the door and walked out. She wasn't going to cry, she left all her tears on the stage. But she felt different, confronting Quinn took a lot out of her. She knew this was going be rough hell it's only been two days since her heart got ripped out of her chest.
Seeing her love fade away in the eyes she saw nothing but their hopes and dreams of being together took her heartache to another level. She was going to need more stitches to repair the deep cuts caused when their eyes met.
When she made it to her class it was pretty much a blur all she can remember was Quinn's eyes looking back at hers.
It's crazy how different they look, they use to be filled with so much passion and now she barely recognizes them.
Fourth period was a different story Finn's been trying to talk to her all day but she's had plenty of excuses to avoid him.
"Hey, I haven't talked to you all day. How are you?" Finn smiles and there was just something about him that made her forget what's going on in her life.
Maybe it's because in his eyes he still sees the old Rachel.
"I'm all right. Sorry I'm just distracted that's all."
"Anything I can help with?"
"Not really." she gives him a soft laugh.
He smiles at the sound it's been a while since he's heard her laugh like that.
"So what song did you pick for glee?"
"We have an assignment?"
Finn looks at her confused, "Rach? Where have you been? Mr. Shue gave us the valentines day assignment last week. Remember, what love means to you?"
She looked around and finally noticed the red and pink hearts surrounding her. It had completely slipped out of her mind that it was valentines day.
She sighed and shut her eyes, this is just perfect. The last thing on her day has to be the toughest one to overcome.
She remembered picking her song but her feelings has changed since then. There's a good chance that Quinn won't show up and she might be able to sing what she practiced. She pulls out her iPod and scans through her songs. There's a good chance she doesn't even have to perform but it's always good to be prepared.
Finn watched her put on her headphones and blocked out everything around her. He couldn't wait to hear her sing, she's been letting everyone shine and he thinks it's time for everyone to let her reign in the spot light once again.
"All right everyone, welcome back. Noah I'm glad to see you here today. That means you didn't get in any trouble over the weekend."
Everyone laughs and frankly there was some truth behind what Mr. Shuester said.
"Funny Mr. Shue." Puck comments back.
"I'm only kidding, now first off Happy Valentines Day." he looks around and sees that Quinn was missing. "Does anyone know where Quinn is?"
They all look at each other asking that same question.
"I don't think she's feeling well Mr. Shue." Santana blurts out.
"Okay we'll continue without her then. You've had all week to prepare for today so let me hear what you guys have. Any volunteers?"
Mercedes sang first and it took all of Rachel's will power to not storm out and find a little corner to cry. When Mercedes finished she clapped for her friend and wiped away the tears that escaped.
She took a deep breath mentally preparing herself for the next song. She was debating wether she should perform just so she can leave right after or maybe just leave because she didn't know if she'll make it out in one piece.
Every song reminded her of how happy she was a few days ago. How love flourished and oozed out of her knowing that Quinn belonged to her. Now everything is a mess, nothing made any sense.
One thing was clear to her though, even if love hurts at this very moment. She still believed in it, singing on stage today made her believe that love still existed inside her even if it was lost for the mean time.
"Rachel? We haven't heard you sing for a while. Would you like to take the stage?" Mr. Shuester asks.
Everyone's beaming eyes suddenly turned in her direction. Some out of excitement because they really enjoyed listening to her sing. Others we're sorrow because they knew the truth about what's going on.
She politely nods feeling nervous for the first time. She's never felt like that before. Performing has always been natural to her. She walks down the tiers seeing smiles as she passes by.
You can do this.
Santana pulls out her phone and text Quinn.
Rachel's singing.- San
She puts it away and doesn't even bother waiting for a response. She didn't even know why she texted her to begin with.
Seeing that Quinn hasn't showed up her first choice for a song was actually the one she was more comfortable singing. Plus she practiced the song once with Brad so there was really no other option for her.
She signals Brad to start, her eyes closed shut trying to find some truth to the song she was about to sing.
"You're stuck on me and my laughing eyes
I can't pretend though I try to hide
I like you, I like you"
"I think I felt my heart skip a beat
I'm standing here and I can hardly breath
You got me, you got me"
Flashes of Quinn's loving eyes starring into hers and Quinn's lips on hers were dominating her mind.
"The way you take my hand is just so sweet
And that crooked smile of yours
It knocks me off my feet"
"Oh, I just can't get enough
How much do I need to fill me up?
It feels so good, it must be love
It's everything I've been dreaming of"
Everyone was starting to look blurry she knew she needed to fight through her tears. But images of Quinn holding her underneath the night sky and whispering in her ear that she was the only girl for her.
"I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin
'Cause no matter what I do
Oh, my heart is filled with you"
"I can't imagine what it'd be like
Living each day in this life
Without you, without you"
That verse drilled itself so deep in her heart that she shut her eyes and her tears trickled down.
"One look from you, I know you understand
This mess we're in, you know it's just so out of hand"
She remembered the first time she kissed Quinn and how exhilarating it felt when their lips touched.
"Oh I just can't get enough
How much do I need to fill me up?
It feels so good it must be love
It's everything I've been dreaming of"
"I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin
'Cause no matter what I do
Oh, my heart is filled with you"
"I hope we always feel this way
I know we will
And in my heart I know you'll always stay"
She remembered Quinn sneaking up to her bedroom when she was asleep and slowly curving her body to fit behind her hoping not to wake her. It was the very first night they cuddled in her bed together.
"Oh I just can't get enough
How much do I need to fill me up?
It feels so good, it must be love"
"I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin
'Cause no matter what I do"
She smiled and embraced her tears, what she shared with Quinn even if it was brief still lived inside her. The romance they shared wasn't a dream it was real. And singing this song brought those memories she thought we're lost.
"Oh I just can't get enough
How much do I need to fill me up
It feels so good, it must be love
It's everything I've been dreaming of"
"I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin
'Cause no matter what I do
Oh, my heart is filled with you"
"Oh, you got me, you got me
Oh, oh, you got me, you got me"
The whole room erupted in applause and gave her a standing ovation. They were so enthralled by her performance that they almost wanted her to do another song.
Kurt was wiping away his tears because he knew the meaning behind her song. It nearly broke his heart watching her pour her heart out and Quinn wasn't even in the choir room to watch.
She wiped away her tears and bowed. She looked at everyone and she can sense all the happiness behind every smile standing before her. She couldn't have asked for a better way to end her long, exhausting and heart breaking day.
When Quinn received Santana's text she was at her locker grabbing a few things. She remembered Rachel saying her song was going to be a surprise.
She debated if she should go so she could hear what song it was.
She found herself walking, looking down at her feet unsure where they were taking her. Then from a distant she stood listening to a faint voice she was all too familiar with.
She snapped out of her frightened stance and continued walking. Her car was at the end of this hallway. How convenient for her, the voice that she adored was getting louder as she nears the choir room.
"I hope we always feel this way
I know we will
And in my heart I know you'll always stay"
She stopped right before the open door and heard those words being sung in such a beautiful way. It made her smile listening to the sound that use to whisper sweet things to her ear when they would lay in bed together.
Her heart warmed at the memories, she stood there until Rachel finished her song. The roaring applause and cheers could've been heard all around school. She was amazing, as always.
She walked passed the choir room but before passing the second doorway she snuck a peek and saw her tiny diva bow and she was smiling that breath taking smile of hers.
Her heart clenched not being on the receiving end of that smile. She was really happy that Rachel was handling this break up really well. She just didn't expect it to hurt twice as bad seeing it so soon.
Barbara Streisand- Best I could. Colbie Callait- You got me.