A/N: So I apologize for the melodrama of the last chapter. I really wanted to bring in the idea of the lotus eaters from Homer's Odyssey, and this was the most original idea I could come up with.

Only one (really short) chapter left after this, and it will include a (really short) epilogue. Thanks for sticking with me this far!

Ch. 30 – Without Saying Goodbye

Zoro forced himself to watch her.

After all the pain he had heaped on her by his failure, he knew he didn't have the right to a say in this. She had to decide on her own. If she really wanted to give him up rather than watch him go, he understood completely, especially now.

She hesitated with the lotus partway between her parted lips. Her whole body shook with nerves.

"Happiness awaits you, Queen Helena."

Helena paused. The voice came from the feather lying before her.

"You have a right to the man who has your heart. Don't erase him. Keep him here with you. He will protect you and everything you love."

She lowered the blossom.

"This is for Zoro…" she murmured.

Zoro felt his heart catch.

"That's right," Athena insisted.

Helena's fists closed suddenly around the blossom, crushing it.

"You will tempt me no further, Athena," Helena whispered to it fiercely. "I am not your pawn. Zoro is not my slave. We will decide our own fate."

She stood, grabbing the feather in a shaking fist. Throwing open the glass doors leading to her balcony, she lifted her hands and allowed the feather and crushed petals to scatter in the wind. They both disappeared in a small flash of light as soon as they left her hand.

"I would have eaten it if you had given it to me."

Zoro's voice made her stiffen in sudden realization of his presence. He turned back to the writing desk, knowing she would whip around to look at him.

"Zoro!" she gasped. "How did you…?"

"I mean, I kind of owe you as much after all the garbage I put you through," he went on, lifting a handful of the letters with a sharp flick of his wrist.

"No," she cried. "Zoro, you weren't supposed to read those!"

"Well, they did have my name on them."

"But I wrote them with no filter!" Her voice came out muffled, and he knew she had covered her face in her hands. "I didn't think you would ever see them! They were like a diary! Gods, you must be so ashamed of me."

"Hey, it wasn't all bad," he reassured her. "Sometimes it's nice to hear your thoughts without a filter. That poem you wrote dedicated to my abs, for instance…"

Helena let out a squeak of embarrassment and he chuckled.

"Turn around," he commanded gently. "I don't have my mask."

He glanced around carefully to make sure she complied, then approached her where she stood with her back to him in the open doorway. After reading everything he'd read, it came as a relief to put his arms around her shoulders, pulling her to him.

"Thank you," he murmured. "Part of me wishes you had made the choice for me, but you've elected to do the honorable thing. I shouldn't have expected any less."

"The choice was already made a long time ago, my Love," Helena reminded him softly. "You aren't going to stay here. You can't. Don't make me have you kidnapped again."

Zoro snorted. "Hm, well, you can't have me kidnapped if you can't catch me."

"Zoro…" she reproached, still all business.

"I could hide out in the woods. Kuina will bring me chocolate sandwich cookies."

Helena laughed and he kissed the side of her face, glad for the small triumph.

"Tell me honestly," he murmured to her, kissing her again. "If I truly wanted to stay, would you let me?"

She sighed, leaning back against him in a weary silence.

"I missed her first…everything, Helena. Her first smile, her first steps, her first words," he pleaded. "I know nothing about being a father, but I know one thing for sure. I'm not going to learn to be a better one by leaving her. Anyway, can I really call myself a man if I leave you both here to face the possibility of more Hell like the last two years have been?"

"You're going to have to," Helena told him.

"Right, right," Zoro sighed. "You'll banish me."

"No," she said firmly, standing up straight. His arms slid from around her in the wake of her resolve. "Because I need you out there, Zoro. Ilium needs you out there."

He stared at the side of her face as she gazed with determination out over her kingdom.

"You need to understand; these last few years haven't been Hell because you weren't here," she explained softly. "They've been Hell because I lost faith in...everything! Most especially myself. But now that you're back, now that the ship of dreams will sail again, I know what I want, and I'm willing to go through Hell all over again it if it comes to that."

"A free Ilium?" Zoro ventured.

"A free Ilium," Helena affirmed. "And to obtain it, I need you out there shaking up the world. I've seen what you can do Zoro. You're a calamity! I'm sure the others have gotten stronger too. I can see no better tie to form right now, no more important political connection, than what I've formed with you and your crew."

"I don't understand," he said. "Helena, we aren't out there trying to overthrow the government. We only ever fight them if they get in our way."

"Ah, but they are perpetually in your way, are they not?" Helena pointed out with a sly grin. "As they are in mine. That's the nature of our dreams. I see no better way to shake them to their core than for the role of Pirate King to be filled by one such as Monkey D. Luffy. –Not only that, but to steal position of World's Greatest Swordsman from under their thumb! For better or worse, Ilium's name will be tied to your accomplishments, and those of the rest of your crew. I only wish I could go with you…"

She sighed wistfully.

"You could come with me though," he attempted quietly. "You wanna shake up the world? Do it yourself!"

Helena cocked her head to one side contemplatively. It gave Zoro hope, so he pressed it:

"Helena, you need a master," he told her matter-of-factly. "Think about it! There is so much I could teach you if you joined me at sea. You owe it to yourself AND to your country to become strong. Strong enough that you don't need me to protect you. You have it in you, I've already seen it!"

"Luffy did invite me to join the crew," Helena said pensively.

Zoro grinned. Of course he had. "I think your father can watch over Ilium for a year or so, can't he?"

"You're right. He could. He's much stronger now," Helena mused. "And I believe he and I are starting to see eye to eye now. Mostly. Maybe…."

"So you'll do it?"

A smile crept onto her cheeks. It was a moment before she spoke, but when she did the smile didn't falter. "Yes," she affirmed, nodding decisively. "I think I shall."

Forgetting everything in his elation, Zoro spun her toward him. She covered her face with her hands crying: "We're still in Ilium, you fool!"

"Then you should probably close your eyes," he asserted, moving her hands so he could kiss her properly.

She laughed as he shamelessly, elatedly kissed her again and again, but before too long her laughter faded and she placed an impeding hand upon his chest.

"Wait," she said. "Zoro, wait. We're forgetting one small, important detail."

"What's that?" Zoro asked, his heart sinking.

"Kuina," she said flatly.

Zoro sighed. "Kuina," he repeated, letting his forehead thump dejectedly against her shoulder.

"A pirate ship is no place for her," Helena pointed out.

"No, it's not," Zoro agreed, frowning.

"And she needs at least one of her parents, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Zoro replied. "Or at the very least, she deserves it."

"That means I can't go with you."

Zoro sighed again, his prior elation making the return to earth that much more painful. Children certainly complicated things.

A depressing silence passed between them, and Helena finally turned away. "…getting hard not to look at you," she grumbled, walking away from him and leaning out over the balcony railing.

"Can you promise me a few things?" he asked, following her so he could lean on the balcony beside her.

"No more promises. It's hard enough keeping track of the ones we've got," Helena replied, over-dramatically looking away from him to emphasize her point.

Zoro chuckled. Removing the bandana from his arm, he folded it into a blindfold and tied it around her eyes. "That better?" he asked, sliding himself between her and the balcony railing so she'd lean on him instead.

She smirked at him. "Oh, sure," she chortled. "Lots better. What happened to your mask, anyway?"

"It fell on the floor."

"It broke?" Helena deadpanned. "After you fought an entire battle in it, the floor did it in?"

"It had a weak sense of resolve," Zoro defended flatly.

She laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Alright, what are these things you'd have me promise if we were making promises?"

"First, that you'll find someone to teach you about Haki," Zoro said. It was nice being able to look at her straight on, even if she couldn't look back at him. He placed his hands firmly on the side of her face so she'd sense how important this was to him.

"But who?" she asked, then let out a groan. "Oh, don't tell me."

"Yeah, Short-Stuff knows a thing or two," Zoro conceded begrudgingly. "It couldn't hurt to ask him for a few pointers. Banish him if he gets fresh with you."

"I tried getting him to leave once already, remember?"

"Twice actually," Zoro pointed out. She probably didn't recall. She'd been drunk the second time. While it appeared her drunken stupors passed relatively quickly, they had always been powerful enough to affect her memory; hence she always denied her inability to handle alcohol. "Well, there's always the dungeon. Or you could cut off his dreadlocks. Or something. That would send a message."

Helena snorted.

"And another thing," Zoro intoned seriously. "You know we could have avoided a lot of heartache if we'd just kept in touch."

"Zoro…" Helena reproached.

"Nowhere in your provisos have you said that I can't write to you," Zoro said. "It's not like you can stop me from doing that."

"But the point is to keep from distracting you…" Helena tried to cut in.

"And," Zoro plowed on. "Though you told Luffy that I am not to have news of Ilium or its Queen, you said nothing about our daughter. I want you to write to me about Kuina."

"So this is the revision to the Provisos you want, then? To hear news of Ilium's Princess?" Helena asked, drawing his memory back to the conversation they'd had in front of Telemachus' tree.

Zoro nodded, momentarily forgetting she couldn't see him. "If you're going to send me away from her to fight for your free Ilium, then I think I have a right to know something about her every now and again."

Helena smiled. "Alright, fair enough. Soon enough she'll be able to write to you herself. She's pretty sharp you know."

"Yeah, she gets that from her mom."

Helena smiled at him wryly. "She gets it from having a grandfather who constantly drills her like he drilled me as a kid."

"Pops the taskmaster," Zoro chortled. "You sure she's going to be ok staying with him tonight?"

"The question you should be asking is, is he going to ok?" Helena chuckled. "Five thousand berries says he doesn't get a wink of sleep."

"She slept ok for me," Zoro noted. "It was the rude awakening I didn't appreciate."

"Don't tell me she sat on your head."

"Right on my face. Repeatedly."

"Welcome to my world!" Helena laughed heartily.

Zoro smiled at her fondly as she laughed. Warrior, Queen, Mother. Helena wore many hats, and she wore them well. He thought of what he'd just learned of her past two years trying to juggle her many responsibilities, and the last paragraph of her most recent letter struck his heart with force.

"…I am no longer the woman you fell in love with. I am a weak, acquiescent coward, and I think it unfair that you be chained down by my name..."

"Zoro?" Helena asked. She had stopped laughing as his arms had tightened possessively around her. "What's wrong?"

He didn't know how to begin to explain that she was the opposite of those things. Like the last time he'd been alone with her in her bedroom, he saw this beauty in her that he worried she didn't see or understand.

"Helena, you're just so…" he started, unsure how to finish. Beautiful? No, that word felt inadequate. "Stupid," he said.

"Excuse me?" Helena huffed. "Was that your idea of romantic?"

Not really. "You say stupid things sometimes. That's all."

"Look who's talking…!" she started to retort, but he cut her off with a kiss. He was tired of talking. After all, they had better things to do.

Fighting a losing battle with sleep, Zoro lay contentedly curled against his wife, listening to her heartbeat slow in time with his. It didn't help that she had started to gently run her fingers through his hair. He should probably move or something soon. He shouldn't risk wasting what little time they had on sleep, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so relaxed.

"Zoro?" she murmured to him after a while.

"Mm?" he hummed.

"There's something I don't understand," she went on pensively. "How is it you can read what you read in those letters and still…" She paused, and so did the head rub. He let out an involuntary whine. "No, nevermind," she said, and her fingers starting up again.

Zoro groaned internally. She wasn't going to make him pull it out of her was she? "And still what?" he demanded quietly. And still love her? She'd better not be about to ask that.

"Respect me," Helena went on vulnerably.

Ah, yes. His respect had always been pretty important to her.

"It's just that I was sure if you knew, I mean really knew how far I fell," she hesitated again. "I lost sight of my dreams so completely. But you! You have never wavered! How can someone so strong respect someone like me?"

Again the words at the end of her last letter struck him with force. Well, here was his chance to address all this. –If he could find the right way to say it.

"There you go, saying stupid things again," he sighed, sitting up and scrubbing the sleep from his face. When he'd cleared up his vision some, he turned to look back at her where she lay against the pillows. She didn't return his gaze.

Not that she could. She still wore the blindfold. Something about her posture and the way she turned her face away from him made her look ashamed that she had even asked though. He hadn't meant for it to come out like a reprimand. Maybe he should choose his words more carefully.

"You think I've never wavered?" he asked.

She let out a snort. "When have you ever…?"

"I can think of one instance that happened in this very room, for starters," he pointed out.

Helena shook her head. "You worked me into your dream, Zoro; you never lost sight of it," she pointed out, a smile teasing her face.

Yeah, sure, he thought sardonically. He knew she was thinking about the first time, when he'd almost stayed with an excuse that Andromache could train him to beat her brother. He'd actually been thinking about this time, though, when he'd been tempted to stay and watch his daughter grow up. He'd made no provisions about continuing his dream in that. If he were honest with himself, he'd never intended to give it up, but she couldn't have known that for sure.

No use babbling on about it though.

"Then there was the Altar of Dido…" Zoro went on, and her smile faltered.

"Please don't tell me I'm your stumbling block, Zoro, that I'm that one thing that could hold a man like you back," she pleaded. "Some girls might find that romantic, but I have never wanted to be your dead weight…"

He let a scarred finger trail over her lips to seal them before she could keep spouting things he didn't want to answer. He was struggling to make her see what he meant as it was.

"No, listen," he insisted. "That moment was important for me. I'm used to putting my life on the line for my crew, but I discovered that I could sacrifice my pride for someone I care about. And that's made all the difference."

"Are you talking about what happened with Kuma?" Helena asked. "When you saved Luffy?"

"Who do you think was my inspiration?" he demanded. "Who do you think got me through all that?"

Helena flushed, but said nothing.

"How can I help but respect someone who is willing to take on the pain of all her people?" he demanded. "Helena, between the two of us, you've always been the heroic one. The selfless one. Have you ever considered that maybe I'm the one dragging you down?"

Her breath caught and she pursed her lips as though holding back something she wanted to say.

"What?" he demanded.

"You saw in my letters," she said, sitting up and speaking in her careful diplomatic way, "That you turned me into the Queen I wanted to be. And I'm going to return to being that Queen in the days to come; you are far from dragging me anywhere but upwards, Roronoa Zoro."

He smirked, but she went on before he could say anything, "– And while I am glad I was able to help you in a moment of crises, that was all based on the woman I was before I humbled myself to my demons. I wasn't strong enough to stand up to my own Kumas in the end, was I?"

"You wanna talk about humbling yourself to your demons?" Zoro chortled. "That's right, I haven't told you where I've been the past few years."

She cocked her head curiously. "No, you haven't," she said. "I've been meaning to ask…"

Oh, this was going to be good. Zoro leaned in close to her. "Can you keep a secret?" he whispered playfully in her ear.

Helena chuckled. "I think we both know I'm a little too good at keeping secrets," she reminded him wryly.

"I was training with Mihawk."

Helena's reaction was everything he could have hoped. She gasped, and her mouth hung open, spluttering wordlessly in shock while he chuckled.

. "Did I hear you right?" she managed at last. "Mihawk agreed to train you? As in, the greatest swordsman in the world? How in Hades did that happen?"

Zoro's amusement at her reaction quieted. "Because I begged him," he confessed softly. "I got down on my knees and begged."

Helena's still gaping mouth slowly shut as she took in his serious tone. "You did it for Luffy again, didn't you."

Zoro hummed an affirmative response.

"You humbled yourself to your biggest demon," Helena went on slowly, understanding creeping into her tone and what he could see of her face. "And you're the stronger for it."

"Now you're getting it," he said with relief.

"And you say you're not heroic," Helena chided with a playful smile.

"Nah, I don't want to be a hero," Zoro insisted, flopping down beside her on the bed. "A hero has to share his sake, see. I want to keep it all for myself."

Helena let out a gut laugh, and Zoro thanked whatever gods were still praiseworthy that they'd finally navigated out of dangerous territory.

"What's that supposed to even mean?" Helena demanded, chuckling.

"Well," Zoro started with a note of mischief in his tone. "I guess it means that I'm a pirate. Pirates get to take whatever treasure they want…and not share."

She snorted. "So sake is your treasure huh?" she teased, stifling a yawn.

His arms shot out around her, pulling her giggling on top of him in a tangle of sheets before she could escape. "Not even close," he told her seriously as she laughed. "Try again."

"Help! A pirate's got me! He's going to carry me off!" Helena joked. He could tell she realized his meaning but was too embarrassed to acknowledge it.

"Exactly," he said, and even he wasn't sure if he was joking or not. "Exactly."

Zoro awoke to sunlight in his eyes. The offending beam had just made its way through a crack in Helena's thin curtains.

"Don't tell me it's morning," the pirate groaned, pulling Helena closer to him. She had her back to him, and he hid his face between her shoulder blades. "When did we fall asleep?"

She didn't answer. When he got his bearings a little more, he propped himself up on one elbow to get a better look at her.

"Helena?" he murmured to her again, but she slept soundly on.

The blindfold had come loose from over her eyes. Gingerly he reached toward it and tugged it free, revealing her lovely face. Golden dawn light brushed gently over her fine facial features, spilled down her neck and illuminated her scared skin – the skin etched with her life story. The light of it made her glow with an almost spiritual beauty.

Zoro thought his heart would explode. It was so much harder this time. Before, he'd only been tempted to stay by a sleepy sense of contentment. Now he knew her so much better, loved her so much more deeply. Only a few days in her company had done that; imagine a lifetime!

She stirred, turning toward him to cuddle drowsily into his chest. "S'it morning already?" she mumbled into him.

"No," he murmured, stroking her hair. "We've got some time, yet. Go back to sleep."

Not surprisingly, she did almost instantly. She'd probably sleep for a month given the chance. Two years of exhaustion had finally caught up with her.

He held her there a moment longer, trying to stave off the growing dread of his departure as the sun rose higher in the orange-gold sky. He tried to drink in the look of her, the feel of her, even the smell of her. He wanted to etch it all into his memory, to fill his cup before he had to step away.

It wasn't enough.

It would never be enough.

The Queen of Ilium awoke fully at last, light teasing playfully at her eyelids. The bandana had disappeared. The bed felt different too somehow, less weighted, less warm.

She curled up beneath the linens but didn't dare open her eyes to confirm. She wanted to hold on to the feeling of his presence for as long as she possibly could. Soon, though, she couldn't deny that the bed felt different, less comfortable, less occupied. His weight had disappeared from beside her.

Zoro had gone without saying goodbye.