Author's Note: Thank you, Unnamed Guest, CarsasaAllakay, Musicianlover12, and vausesandspanishharlem, for the lovely reviews on the last one-shot. I very much appreciate that. Anyway, I've finally had a hit of inspiration the other night and so here's the outcome of that. This is mostly inspired by the season promo, where they were all photographed on one of the buses. Since that picture had nothing to do with any of the episodes...I had to write a one-shot based around that idea. It intrigued me immensely. So, here's the aftermath...probably sucks. Feel free to review and let me know your thoughts. Thanks. Enjoy.
Renunciation
Surrendering herself was one of the hardest decisions Lorna ever had to make. The last thing she ever wanted was to be separated from Nicky for a second time. A second time by choice. But that was exactly what she did. What Nicky influenced her to do. Out of the strong and unconditional love she so clearly has for her, Lorna solemnly realized. Her heart felt heavy as she followed the line of other surrendering inmates outside the prison. She longed to have Nicky by her side. The one person who—no matter the circumstance—always filled her with a reassuring comfort.
Now, she found herself alone and terrified as she stood outside the prison. Waiting for whatever she—and the rest of the surrenders—were to do next. A lump sat in the back of her throat. She pondered over whether this was really the best decision. To separate herself from Nicky once more. This time out of choice. Grant it, a choice she didn't like but a choice nonetheless.
It seemed like hours passed by while they stood there. Out in the cold with nothing to wear but the khakis they were all given back when they first arrived. A shiver ran down her spine as she rubbed her hands together to keep some amount of heat. Her eyes flicked nervously around their surroundings and out of the corner of her eye, she swear she saw a figure that resembled Vinny's. Just what she needed at this very moment. A harsh vision to bring her back to reality. Another hard swallow she took. Braced herself.
When he caught sight of her, she knew he was going to jog his way towards her. She felt bad that she flinched at the idea. The idea of his touch against her body. It wasn't like he wasn't good to her or anything. Hell, he was probably better to her than any man she dated growing up. But he wasn't Nicky. Didn't give her the same secure sensation that Nicky had. Vinny wasn't the person her heart desired in times of terror or pure bliss. No, the person she craved was that beautiful rambunctious redhead.
"I don't know why you're here, Vinny. Ya ran off real quick after ya saw that I got a bun in the oven." The words came out harder than she'd originally planned. However, maybe it was better that way. To push him away with the cold shoulder. He could do better anyway. She hurt enough people for one life, she thought.
The dark strands of fine hair that made-up his eyebrows arched puzzlingly overtop of his brown eyes. "I thought ya were making it up. I mean I was in shock, ya know? I'm sorry. I wanna be here for both you and our baby. I'll take care of him until ya get out and then we'll all live together. Finally live our life together," the tone in his voice pleading and desperate.
Lorna shook her head, gradually walking further away from him. Following the crowd of inmates towards a row of grey buses—that looked like they may have been heading to a reform school of some sort with how they so closely resembled school buses…but yet with a gloomy twist. "I can't stay married to ya, Vinny. I'm sorry. I…I, uh, I love someone else. It wouldn't be fair to you or her for us to be together. Not when my heart belongs to someone else."
"Wouldn't be fair to me or her? Ya tellin' me you're in love with another woman? Ya gotta be shitting me—tell me it's not that girl who called me the other day? Practically begged me to do the right thing and come to find out she's the fucking one you love! Tell me this is all bullshit."
It warmed Lorna's heart tremendously to know that Nicky did something so sweet like that for her. Only, once more, proving to her who her heart truly and utterly belonged to. Nicky. The woman who, no matter what, always seemed to put her first. Even when she didn't deserve the gesture. That was why she knew she had to end this marriage. She needed to finally admit her true feelings. Finally let Nicky know that she loved her back. The love that no one deserved more than that fiercely loving human being.
"Her name's Nicky. And, yes, I love her. I love her more than anything in the world. I can't keep lying to myself anymore. I'm so sorry, Vinny. So sorry for marrying you and not returning the same love. But I can't go on to this next prison without telling ya the truth. If it makes ya hate me then so be it. I love Nicky."
Anger and pain flashed on Vinny's olive-toned face. He scrunched his forehead, trying desperately to make sense of his wife's shocking confession. "Ya mean to tell me you're divorcing me because you're in love with another woman? A felon, like yourself, at that, yeah?"
Lorna twirled a restless finger around a strand of her brown waves. She bit down on her tongue to stop herself from giving a bitter response. It wouldn't be wise with all the officers surrounding the vicinity. "That's what I'm telling ya. I'm sorry, Vinny—I really am," her tone sincere, yet faintly tight.
He gave a curt nod. A disgruntled chuckle escaped from his throat. "You can have your damn divorce, no problem. But if ya think I'm letting my child get raised by two lesbians—ya got another thing coming, Lorna. Just ya wait! I'll be filing for full custody as soon as he's born."
After what felt like hours to Lorna, the herd of surrendering inmates were finally addressed to enter onto the line of subsequent buses. She didn't look back at the crowd of families that watched them. Of course, it was no surprise that her mother and father weren't among them—her mother lie sickly in her bed while her father kept himself glued to the couch. She shook her head and pushed forward. Listened for an officer to direct her where to go.
Inside the bus hadn't been any warmer than standing out in the thirty-degree weather, she rapidly came to realize. It was noticeably run-down and worn-out. The floor-boards were beginning to fade, most of the grey cushioned seats had tears in them, and some of the glass windows appeared broken. She walked cautiously down the narrow pathway until she got to the back of the bus where she chose to sit in a more semi-sanitary seat. With a baby on the way, she knew she needed to be careful in prison. Had to take extra precautions for her unborn child's sake.
There was a solemn vibe that filled the bus. No one seemed to be conversing other than the bus driver's greeting before a new inmate entered. Lorna rested her head against the rim of the window and let her eyes shut. Everything felt worthless without Nicky. She couldn't see herself surviving in any prison without that woman by her side. Especially if it was Litchfield Max—a maximum security prison without her best friend, her one true love, she knew she was done for.
Right when she was seconds away from fading out and the bus was nearly moving, the sound of a person's fist banging on the entrance door quickly deterred her from falling asleep. It caught everybody's attention, she saw. All their eyes peered widely ahead to the front door where a riot officer stood knocking. "Wait, wait," his voice muffled from the inside. "We found a group of inmates hiding—open the doors, please."
Lorna felt her heart momentarily catch in her throat. No way Nicky could be one of them, she thought. She didn't want to get her hopes up only to be disappointed. Her eyes turned away, not wanting to search through the newcomers for that familiar redhead when the chances were so slim. She couldn't do that to herself. It wasn't good for her or the baby.
So, moments later, when she felt the cushion sink beside her, she felt a sense of optimism overcome her. She forced her orbs to gaze up at the culprit. Instant relief fell over her. She reached her hands up to touch against Nicky's cheeks, a gesture to make sure that she was truly there. Really occupying the spot next to her. Happy tears rapidly came to her surface.
"Surprised to see me, yeah kid?" Nicky was the first to break the silence. Her big brown eyes peering warmly down into the brunette's. A few tears sat in her own as well. Grateful tears—she began to regret her decision of persuading Lorna to surrender almost immediately. Didn't like the idea of being separated from her yet again.
"Happy to—I was so worried I never would, hon. The thought of being shipped off to another prison without you…it made me sick. Where did ya go? And how are ya here?"
"Well, I'm here now," the taller woman whispered, smiling softly down at Lorna. She cupped a hand around her cheek and lovingly wiped at the tears that soaked it. "We're here together, doll. By some miracle or another. Oh, I just—I went back down to the bunker where everyone was but…I couldn't stay there without you, Lorna. I've already been without ya once—I mean we both have—I couldn't go through that hell again. Ironic thing is, however, right before I was ready to up and surrender, we were found by a guard. So I guess it's fate that brought us back together. All that stuff ya believe in…it's true, kid."
A warm smile lit up Lorna's entire face as her head subconsciously leaned against the other's shoulder. Her arms instinctively wrapped around her neck with a strong desire to be physically touching one another. "I know it is. Because I got you back and that's all that matters to me. No matter what prison this bus of doom takes us to, I know I'll be okay since I'm with you."
Brushing a small kiss over her head, Nicky warmed at the idea of being with Lorna. But in a way she realized she may never have her. Hell, the chances were close to none now that Lorna had a baby on the way…with her husband. It broke her heart severely. All she ever wanted—since the first day she watched that little Italian beauty walk through those prison doors—was to call Lorna hers. Her lover, her girlfriend, her wife. And now, she might never get that chance.
"Bus of doom? I'd say that's pretty damn fitting. Probably headed down to max. And that ain't gonna be a picnic, kid. It's all fucked up. Of course, ya won't have to worry though. I'm gonna protect you, Lorna. I won't let any of em' push ya around down there. God—I'd do anything for you, doll. I love you so fucking much that it hurts to think about."
The tone of her voice slightly alarmed the brunette. Her head slightly lifted off the shoulder so her eyes could gaze up into Nicky's. Studied her face for any hiding emotions. Searched for how she may be feeling. "I know ya do, hon. You love me so much that you were willing to call Vinny and persuade him to do what's right for the baby. If that doesn't prove how much ya love me, I don't know what does," her voice softly started out, fingers brushing lightly along pale cheeks.
"No one has or will ever love me in the same deep way you do. And I can't love anyone the way I do you. I talked to Vinny before we were forced onto these buses…and I told him that I'm divorcing him. Proclaimed to him that you are my soul-mate, Nicky. The person I want to be with when I'm happy or sad or anything, really. I wanna spend every single day with you, Nicky, and only you. Vinny is not and never will be you. That's why I couldn't be married to him. He was a person to fill the void I was left with when you were taken to max. And I shoulda fucking realized that sooner…coulda saved us all the trouble but ya know how dumb I am. I'm so sorry for all the hurt, honey. I didn't mean to hurt ya, ever. I love you so much, Nicky."
"First of all, baby, you're not dumb. You're just … ya can be a little naïve sometimes is all. And, second, that's the best damn thing I've heard all day. Thank God you've finally realized your true feelings," Nicky began, excitement clearly spilling through her voice. Her arms snaked protectively around the petite brunette's waist, hugging her as tight as she could. Her lips pressed warm kisses all over Lorna's head.
A tender hand she stroked through thick brown waves of hair. A rather large smile glowed on her face. The dream she always had that she didn't think would ever turn into reality. It left her whole body feeling warm and tingly. "It's okay, Lorna. I know it wasn't intentional. You're too sweet to ever want to hurt anyone. One of the many reasons I adore you, doll-face. And, now, I love ya even more that you've given up your "ideal" husband to be with me. You have no fucking clue how long I've been waiting for this day…dreaming about it. Except I never thought it'd actually happen. A dream come true is what this is."
Lorna beamed ecstatically, framing her hands delicately around the older woman's face. She inched her own closer until their lips were brushing against one another. Her smile widened as she stroked her red ones passionately over Nicky's. The kiss lasted several minutes before she pulled away to peer intently up at big brown orbs.
"This isn't just a dream, though, hon. This is reality. You're the love of my life—not Vinny. And, it feels so good to finally admit that."
Nicky smiled lovingly, pulling Lorna's head to lay over her chest. "It feels good for me to hear that, kid. Believe me. You're the only person I can ever imagine wanting a life with. So I'm over the moon to know ya feel the exact same way. I don't have to look for anyone else, now. I have you. My sweet little doll-face. You will be my girlfriend, yeah?"
"Of course, hon. Hell, I'd be your wife if ya asked that."
"Love the enthusiasm, Lorna baby, but ya better back up a few steps. Let's be girlfriends first and see where that takes us, yeah?" A warm chuckle escaped as her lips stroked over the top of her head.
The brunette laughed nervously and looked up at Nicky with a sheepish grin. "Sorry. You know me, Nicky, I'm always getting into things too fast. I don't wanna be like I was with anyone else. I wanna make ya happy."
Nodding intuitively, Nicky gathered her head in her hands and pulled her in for another soft kiss. "Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about. I think it's so cute that you're already thinking of our future together. I just want us to take this relationship slow, especially while we're still in prison. I don't want anything to get in our way, ya know? We've been through so much already, kid, we don't need anything else to come between us. So, as long as we love each other and take things slow—we're gonna be okay. We're all we need…and ma, of course. But that's known without being said."
"Is max really where we're headed, Nicky?"
Nicky shrugged slightly. She didn't know for sure but looking at the passing surroundings out the window seemed to acclaim her suspicion. "I'm gonna say probably, kid. If ya look out there," her finger pointed out against the glass-window, "you can see where this bus is headed and it ain't Disney World. You scared?"
She didn't know if it was fear or anxiety that plagued her the most. Her head tilted in puzzlement. Maximum security wasn't something she was familiar with…of course, it filled her with a slight trepidation to possibly be headed to such a facility. "Well, I'm not exactly excited over it. I'm just glad I have you with me, hon. God…I wouldn't a been able to make it through if ya didn't show up here," was Lorna's honest and raw response.
"Aw, kid," the redhead started off, her voice husky against the flesh of Lorna's ear. She stroked a hand tenderly through her hair, letting her fingers twirl around loose strands. "I'm here. I'm gonna take care a you, just like I always have. I know it sounds scary and shit but I promise it'll be okay. You have me to protect you, baby. And I'll do my damnedest."
Nicky gave a warm smile down at her girlfriend before taking her head back in her hands and placing it gently onto her chest. She wrapped her arms securely around her waist, holding her as tight as humanly possible. The two stayed in that position for the remainder of the drive, craving the physical contact that they knew they wouldn't get to share as much in max.