A/N - Hello everyone! This chapter got away from me, I didn't get as far as I intended. Hermione and Ron apparently had a lot to say. We're back to Hogwarts in the next chapter. Thanks so much for the reviews last chapter and to all that are reading, following and favoriting!

Chapter 10

Guilt

7 May 1998

Hermione burrowed closer to the warmth next to her, twitching her shoulder to try and get rid of whatever was poking her. Her nose wrinkled and her lips pursed as she was poked again.

"Hermione," a voice said. She opened her eyes reluctantly, yawning widely.

"What, Ron?" she mumbled once she realized who it was that had awoken her.

"What are you doing down here?"

"What?" she asked sleepily. She blinked a few times and looked up at Ron in confusion.

"What are the two of you doing down here, Hermione?"

"The two of us," she paused and looked next to her just as Harry opened his eyes. "Oh!"

"G'morning," Harry said around a yawn.

"Morning, Harry," Ron said. Harry's eyes widened and he sat bolt upright, jostling Hermione.

"Ron, this isn't, I mean, we didn't," he trailed off as Ron stood in front of the two of them with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Oh, honestly," Hermione said rolling her eyes. She pushed herself off the couch and pecked Ron on the cheek. "Ron doesn't think anything happened between us, do you?" Hermione saw the amusement in his eyes, but she didn't think Harry noticed.

"I don't know, I find you sleeping on the couch with my girlfriend, Harry, looking awfully cozy." Harry's face turned bright red.

"Ron, I-"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," Hermione huffed. "Ron's taking the mickey, Harry. He knows nothing happened." Harry glanced up at Ron who couldn't help the twitch of his lips.

"Git," Harry muttered. He scrubbed his hand down his face before standing from the couch. "I need breakfast."

"You're so mean," Hermione said to Ron once Harry had left the room, but she was smiling when she said it.

"Why were you both down here, anyway?" Ron asked.

"Harry was upset," she said. "Feeling guilty about everything. I stayed to talk to him and we must have fallen asleep."

"What about you though?"

"What about me?"

"You still haven't said how you ended up in the living room."

"Oh," Hermione said hesitating for a moment. "Well, I came down for some water and I heard Harry in here."

"You came all the way downstairs for water that you could have gotten from the loo or your wand?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes?" Ron sighed.

"Hermione."

"I did come down for water," she insisted. "But…it was because I had another nightmare." Ron swore under his breath.

"The same nightmare?"

"Yes." Hermione saw the muscle in his jaw clench.

"Did you talk to Harry about it?"

"Yes," Hermione replied unsure why he was asking. His hands balled into fists.

"Why didn't you come to me instead of Harry?"

"I didn't come to Harry, Ron," she said in exasperation. "I came downstairs and Harry was already here."

"But you still talked to him about it."

"He guessed," she said with a shrug. Ron sighed and she saw his hands relax. He moved towards her and gripped her upper arms lightly.

"Why didn't you come to me, Hermione?"

"Because you were asleep," she said. "I didn't want to wake you. I had no idea Harry would be down here."

"I don't care if I'm asleep," Ron said. "You should wake me."

"What good would it do?" Hermione asked, throwing her hands up in irritation. "It's not going to stop them coming."

"But I want to help you."

"Ron, you can't," she insisted. He let go of her arms.

"But Harry can, right?"

"You're being ridiculous."

"Am I, Hermione?" He crossed his arms again and stared at her. "Are you telling me that if you'd come down here and no one was here, you would have gotten your water and then gone back to sleep with no problem?"

"I don't know," she said a bit petulantly.

"Or was it that you talked to Harry and then fell asleep with him?"

"Nothing happened, Ron, we told you that!"

"I know that nothing like that happened, Hermione, that's not the point!"

"Then what is the point?"

"The point is that you can't tell me about your nightmares, but you can tell Harry."

"Harry is my best friend!"

"And I'm your boyfriend!" They both fell silent, glaring at each other. Hermione couldn't say who was angrier. Ron was being completely unreasonable. It wasn't her fault that Harry had been awake when she came downstairs. She hadn't offered up any information until Harry had figured it out. She crossed her arms in front of her.

"You're being ridiculous, Ron," she said. "This wasn't some purposeful attempt to keep you in the dark about my nightmares."

"Are you sure about that?" Ron demanded.

"You're impossible," Hermione snapped. "I'm going upstairs to get dressed."

Hermione slammed the door of Ginny's room behind her once she determined that the redhead was already up. Hermione threw herself down on her camp bed and huffed angrily. Ron could be so infuriating. Why did it matter who she talked to about her nightmares or if she talked to anyone at all? It's not as if that would prevent them from happening. Flopping over onto her stomach, Hermione buried her face in her pillow and screamed in frustration.

"Well, I was going to ask you if you were all right, but I guess you answered that question." Hermione quickly turned over and saw Ginny standing in the doorway. The younger girl came into the bedroom and shut the door. "I heard your row." Hermione groaned and fell back into her bed.

"Did everyone hear?"

"Well, Dad and Percy are already at the Ministry and Charlie was outside flying, so not everyone." Hermione threw an arm over her eyes as her face heated.

"Oh, wonderful." Ginny laughed. Hermione grabbed her pillow and threw it at her friend.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Ginny said as she picked the pillow up off the floor. Hermione was a terrible shot. "It's not like we haven't heard our share of shouting around here." She sat down on the edge of her bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Hermione replied. "But since you heard everything, I suppose we might as well." Ginny waited for Hermione to continue. "Your brother is a complete prat sometimes."

"No argument here," Ginny said with a laugh. She fell silent and Hermione looked up at her. She could tell by the look on the younger witch's face that there was more she wanted to say.

"But," Hermione prompted.

"Well, I sort of understand where he's coming from." Hermione looked at her quizzically. Ginny sighed.

"Look, Hermione, you know that Ron's always been a bit insecure. He doesn't feel like he stands out amongst the rest of us for whatever reasons he dreams up in his head."

"Well, yes, but I'm not sure what that has to do with this situation."

"Ron likes to be needed," Ginny continued. "It makes him feel like he has, I don't know, a purpose, I guess. You know how strategic he is; he likes to solve problems."

"This isn't a problem he can solve, Ginny," Hermione said with a shake of her head.

"I know that," Ginny replied. "And he probably does too. But that doesn't mean you can't talk to him about it." Hermione picked at a loose thread on the blanket that covered her bed. "Unless you don't want to talk to him about it." Hermione's silence was enough of an answer.

"You don't want to talk about the nightmares at all or you don't want to talk to Ron about them?" Ginny asked.

"I don't know," Hermione mumbled.

"If it's the former, I completely understand, but if it's the latter, Hermione, you've got a different kind of problem all together."

"It's not that I don't want to talk to Ron about them, it's just," she trailed off looking down at her hands in her lap.

"Just what?"

"I'm not sure, Gin, I just get the feeling that he doesn't really want to know."

"What makes you think that?"

"He gets really angry whenever he finds out I've had a nightmare," Hermione began.

"You can't think he's angry with you," Ginny protested.

"No, but, he can't bring himself to even look at-" Hermione stopped short, realizing she had never told Ginny about what Bellatrix had done to her. Ginny's brow furrowed in confusion.

"Look at what?" Hermione bit her lip. She knew she wouldn't be able to keep the word carved into her arm a secret forever. It was getting warmer every day and soon long sleeves wouldn't be practical. Glamour charms, while effective, didn't always go unnoticed. Hermione took a deep breath.

"I need to show you something, but you have to swear to me that you won't tell anyone else," Hermione said.

"I promise," Ginny said. Hermione pulled up her left sleeve. She heard Ginny gasp, but couldn't look at her friend.

"Hermione," Ginny whispered. Hermione flinched as she felt Ginny's fingertips run over the letters carved into her skin. "Does it hurt?"

"Not anymore," Hermione said.

"When did this happen?" Ginny's voice was laced with anger.

"At Malfoy Manor," Hermione said pulling her sleeve back down. "It was Bellatrix. She tortured me when she found out we had the sword of Gryffindor. It was supposed to be in her vault." Hermione wasn't sure how much Harry had told Ginny about the Horcrux hunt and what had happened to them those months on the run.

"And Dobby saved you," Ginny said. Well, she clearly knew quite a bit. Hermione nodded.

"Bellatrix did this with a cursed blade," Hermione said. "Bill and Fleur tried everything they could think of, but nothing worked. I asked Madame Pomfrey about it as well, and she said that it might fade a bit as it healed but it will never completely go away."

"Who else knows about this?"

"Just Harry and Ron," Hermione said. "Well and the Malfoys, I guess." Ginny's mouth hardened into a thin line.

"So, this is what your nightmares are about?"

"Mostly," Hermione confirmed. "Sometimes she's torturing someone else."

"I think you need to talk to Ron."

"Like I said, Ginny, he can't even bring himself to look at my arm, let alone talk about it. He just makes some vague reference to 'what happened at the Manor'. How am I supposed to talk to him about it?"

"Did you ever think that he has a hard time talking about it because he feels guilty?" Hermione huffed and stood, beginning to pace about the small room.

"Of course, I have!" she exclaimed throwing her hands up in frustration. "But there was nothing he could have done. They locked him and Harry in the dungeons!"

"I'm sure that he knows in his head that he couldn't have done anything, but Hermione, he loves you. He's going to-" but Hermione interrupted.

"Wait, what?"

"I said I'm sure he knows that he couldn't have done-"

"No, not that part." Ginny looked confused for a moment, then her eyes widened.

"Um, nothing, I didn't say, I mean, nothing."

"No, you said, you said," Hermione paused and swallowed. "You said, he loves me."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I," Ginny dropped her head into her hands and groaned. Hermione, who had stopped her pacing as soon as she heard Ginny's words, sat down wordlessly on her bed.

"He told you that?" Hermione whispered. Ginny rolled her eyes.

"No, but it's not all that hard to figure out. He's been in love with you since fourth year."

"He has not!"

"Of course, he has," Ginny said matter-of-factly. "He might not have admitted it, but it was obvious to everyone else." Hermione sat in silent shock. Ginny frowned.

"Listen, Hermione, please don't say anything to him about this," Ginny begged. "He should tell you in his own time, when he's ready."

"Of course," Hermione said. "I won't say anything."

"I still think you should talk to him about the nightmares, though." Hermione nodded absently and Ginny stared at her for a few more seconds before standing from her bed. "I'm going to get breakfast. You coming?"

"In a minute," Hermione said. She waited until Ginny had left the room and then let a secret smile play about her lips.

Remus stood in the kitchen looking out the window over the sink. It faced the street and there was a woman pushing a pram down the pavement, while a small child rode a tricycle in front of her. She called out to the little boy every so often when he got too far ahead of her. He would stop and wait patiently until his mother caught up and then pedal away as fast as he could. Remus couldn't stop the twitch of his lips as he saw the exasperated look on the young woman's face. At least the child listened to her when she bade him to stop.

The smile turned slowly to a frown as he imagined Dora in the woman's place and Teddy as the boy on the tricycle. Sighing, he turned from the window, going back to tidying up the kitchen. He had decided that he would go to Hogwarts this morning and stay until the service for Severus. Minerva likely needed all the help she could get.

Remus, while definitely preoccupied during Dora's funeral, had not failed to notice the hint of fatigue that hung over the acting Headmistress. He had no doubt that she was running herself into the ground. He hoped that he could convince her to rest today or at least delegate more than she had been. It would do none of them any good if she collapsed in sheer exhaustion.

"Say good morning to your father, Teddy," Andromeda said and Remus looked up with a smile. Teddy was wide awake, his small arms waving about in the air. Remus chuckled at Teddy's look of surprise after he accidentally hit himself on the chin with his own fist.

"Well, good morning, little man," Remus said as he gently took his son from his grandmother's arms. "Had your breakfast already then, have you?"

"Yes, he has," Andromeda replied as she made herself a cup of tea. "I thought I'd let you have a bit of time with him before you left. Then he'll have a bath and likely be ready for a nap after."

"Sounds like a busy morning you've got for yourself," Remus said to Teddy. Remus sat down at the table and propped Teddy's bum on the table's edge. Remus' arms were behind the boy, his hands cradling Teddy's head while the baby still remained a bit upright. Teddy had gotten quite a bit stronger in the last week or so and could nearly hold his head up on his own.

"A month old tomorrow, can you believe it?" Andromeda asked as she sipped her tea.

"No, actually," Remus said. It took quite a bit of effort to keep the melancholy at bay.

"Soon he'll be smiling and babbling away at us, won't you sweetheart?" She fell silent and the two adults exchanged a glance, likely thinking the same thing. Remus pulled in a breath, giving Teddy a deliberate smile. Andromeda put a hand on Remus' shoulder and gave it a squeeze before she turned back to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast.

"I think we're going to go for a walk in the garden," Remus said.

"There's a blanket on the table there by the door," Andromeda said from the kitchen. Remus rose and settled Teddy into the crook of his arm before picking up the blanket and draping it over his son. He cast a warming charm for good measure.

They walked through the garden, Remus naming things as they went. Teddy, while he couldn't see anything clearly just yet, still blinked in the morning sun and would flail his arms every so often. They ended up near the old oak tree in the back of the garden and Remus sat down on the swing, moving Teddy so he rested on Remus' legs. Remus looked down at him and smiled. Teddy seemed to focus on his face for a few seconds and his body stilled. It was almost as if he was contemplating his father's face. Remus chuckled and began pushing the swing back and forth gently with his foot. He kept up a running stream of one-sided conversation with the boy, until Teddy's eyelids began to droop.

"Your grandmother might be cross with me if I put you to sleep," Remus said. "She wanted to give you a bath." Teddy's response was a sleepy blink and a yawn. Remus smiled and watched him settle into slumber, completely trusting that his father would keep him safe. A sudden wave of emotion came over Remus and he gently shifted Teddy to his shoulder. Teddy burrowed into his neck and Remus had to stop himself from hugging the boy too hard. Remus cupped the back of Teddy's head with his hand and a strangled sob managed to escape.

"I will protect you, always," Remus whispered fiercely as he let his little boy's even breaths soothe him.

Hermione made her way to the kitchen, her stomach protesting at the long wait. Ginny and Harry were still at the table when she came in, but Ron was nowhere to be seen.

"Good morning, dear," Mrs. Weasley said as she bustled to the table with a platter of eggs and bacon.

"Good morning, Mrs. Weasley," Hermione replied, her cheeks pinkening as she remembered that Ron's mother had heard their row earlier. For her part, the older witch didn't even mention it, just levitated a pitcher of pumpkin juice and a bowl of fruit to the table.

"Tuck in, all of you," she said before she returned to the kitchen. Hermione slid into the seat across from Harry and put a spoonful of fruit on her plate.

"All right, Hermione?" Harry asked.

"Fine, Harry," she said as Harry passed her the eggs. "Where's Ron?"

"He's in his room," Ginny said. "He'd already eaten before he woke you and Harry." Hermione nodded and ate a few bites of her breakfast.

"When are we leaving for Hogwarts?" she asked.

"'Bout an hour," Harry said.

"Are you coming with us today, Ginny?" Ginny brightened at the question.

"Yes, actually. Charlie told Mum he'd stay with George so she's letting me go with you lot. Reluctantly, of course," Ginny snorted. "But at least she didn't say no."

They spent the next few minutes eating and discussing the plans of the rest of the family. Mr. Weasley and Percy were spending the day at the Ministry again.

"Bill and Fleur are coming to Hogwarts later," Ginny said. The couple had gone back to Shell Cottage the night before over Mrs. Weasley's protests. Charlie had moved out of the living room and back into his old room. "Charlie said he's going to try and get George to go and check out the shop, since it's been shut down since Easter when we all moved to Aunt Muriel's."

"Do you think he will?" Hermione asked. "George, I mean." Ginny shrugged.

"I hope so." They all fell silent. Hermione looked down at her mostly empty plate and realized that she shouldn't delay talking to Ron any longer. She stood and carried her plate to the kitchen where she was shooed away by Mrs. Weasley when Hermione tried to wash her dishes.

"No, you just go and get yourself ready for the day, dear. I'll talk care of those." Hermione sighed and made her way up the stairs to Ron's room.

"Ron?" she called as she knocked quietly on his door. "May I come in?"

"Yeah," he called back, somewhat sullenly it sounded to her. She opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind her. Ron was lying on his bed, his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. Hermione bit her lip and sat down on the edge of Harry's camp bed.

"We should talk."

"About what?" Hermione sighed.

"Please don't be like this, Ron. You know what about." He blinked at the ceiling.

"Fine, talk," he said. Hermione took a breath, remembering what Ginny had said.

"I'm sorry that I didn't wake you when I had a nightmare," she said. "I honestly was just coming downstairs to get some water and calm down. I didn't expect anyone to be up." Ron said nothing and Hermione sighed again. If he was just going to pout, she shouldn't even bother. Before she could stand, however, Ron spoke quietly.

"I want to help you, Hermione."

"I know that you do and if there was a way you could, I'd let you."

"Would you?" he challenged.

"Of course, I would, why would you ask that?" He sat up and stared at her.

"Because you're very good at not needing anyone's help."

"Ron, that's ridiculous, I-" but he held up a hand to stop her.

"You are." She glared at him, but he didn't break eye contact with her.

"You are, Hermione," he said again. "You'd rather do everything yourself than rely on anyone else." She opened her mouth to protest, then shut it again. He wasn't wrong, exactly.

"It's not necessarily a bad thing and we all know you're wicked smart and probably can do most things better than anyone else." She colored slightly at his words. "But the point is, Hermione, you don't have to."

"I know that I don't," she insisted.

"Do you though?"

"Yes."

"All right let me ask you this then. If Harry hadn't been in the living room and hadn't forced you to talk about the nightmares, would you have told anyone?"

"I-" Hermione bit her lip and looked down at her lap.

"Thought so."

"But, Ron, there isn't anything you can do to stop me from having a nightmare."

"You're probably right about that, but I can at least try and comfort you after you have one." He shrugged. "Maybe that will help them not happen so often."

"Maybe," Hermione hedged. Ron took one of her hands in his.

"Look, I know I'm going through my own stuff with, with Fred and everything, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to help you."

"I never thought that," she insisted. "But-"

"But what?" he prodded when she didn't continue.

"Why can't you talk about what happened to me?" He leaned away from her a bit.

"What do you mean? I've talked about it." Hermione shook her head.

"No, you've alluded to it and hinted at it, but you can't even say Malfoy Manor." He flinched. "Let alone talk about Bellatrix." Ron rose abruptly, dropping her hand in the process. He began to pace. "See, this is what I mean. If you can't talk about it, Ron, how do you expect me to confide in you? It's what the nightmares are about." He stopped and turned towards her. His face was red with anger and his hands were clenched into fists. Hermione bit her lip again.

"Are you," she swallowed thickly, "are you angry with me?" Ron's mouth dropped open in shock.

"No!" he exclaimed. "Why would you think that?"

"Look at you!"

"I'm not angry with you, Hermione." He forced his fists open and raked a hand through his hair. "Gods, of course I'm not angry with you. It's her and them and, and me."

"You? Why are you angry with yourself?"

"Because I couldn't stop it!" he yelled. "I had to listen to you screaming and crying and begging and there was nothing I could do! I, I let you get hurt and, and I," Hermione stood and walked towards him, pulling him into her arms.

"It wasn't your fault, Ron," she said in a whisper. "There wasn't anything you could have done. They locked you in a dungeon and you didn't have a wand. You couldn't-" but Ron was shaking his head and pulling away from her.

"No, Harry, Harry got Dobby there and instead of having Dobby get us out so we could get to you, we let him take everyone else first. We should have sent him to you first, Hermione."

"Ron, that wouldn't have worked. If Dobby had taken you and Harry upstairs, you would have been bound in seconds. Or worse, killed. There's no guarantee Dobby could have gotten me away from Bellatrix if you'd sent him alone. The way it all happened is the only way it would have worked." Ron was still shaking his head. Hermione put a hand on either side of his face and forced him to look at her. She then dropped her hands and yanked up her sleeve.

"This was not your fault," she said pointing to the slur on her arm. "It wasn't Harry's fault. It wasn't anyone's fault but Bellatrix's. You have to stop blaming yourself." Ron tried to close his eyes and look away from her. "No, look at it. This is not going to go away; it's going to be here forever. Can you handle that?" Ron stared at her for a few moments. Then he gently grasped her arm and traced his fingers over the scar. There were tears in his eyes when he looked back at her.

"Can you?" he asked hoarsely. At her questioning look, he continued. "Can you handle having this here forever, knowing that I couldn't help you? Can you forgive me for that, Hermione?" She stepped closer to him and wrapped her free arm around his waist.

"No," she said and Ron's face fell. "I won't forgive you because there is nothing, absolutely nothing, to forgive you for. I don't blame you for anything that happened to me at Malfoy Manor, Ron. Please, please believe that." He let go of her arm and pulled her more tightly to him.

"I do, Hermione."

"Then can you forgive yourself?" He blew out a breath and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"I'll try."

"I suppose that's all I can ask for now."

"But I need you to do something for me too." Ron stepped back slightly from her and took hold of her upper arms.

"What?"

"I need you to lean on me, just a little bit," he pleaded. "I want to help you, Hermione." It was Hermione's turn to exhale.

"All right," she agreed. "I'll try." Ron smiled and bent down to softly kiss her. When he released her, he hugged her tightly once more.

"Suppose we should get ready to head to Hogwarts."

"We should," she agreed, but neither of them made any attempt to move. Hermione could feel Ron's heart beating under her cheek. After a few moments of silence, Hermione cleared her throat. "Last night, I dreamed Bellatrix was torturing you." She felt Ron's arms tighten around her. "She kept casting the Cruciatus even though I begged her to stop. She just laughed and cursed you again." She could hear Ron's heart start to speed up. "You were screaming, but then you stopped making noise. And I," she paused and took in a shaky breath. "And I knew you were gone. I-" she stopped speaking as the tears came.

"It's all right, Hermione, it was just a dream." Ron rubbed small circles on her back. "I'm here and I'm fine." Hermione buried her face in his chest and sobbed. Ron walked them back towards the bed and sat down, pulling her with him. He kept his arms around her and let her cry. When she finally quieted, he pulled back slightly.

"Is this what you dream about every night?" Hermione shook her head.

"Sometimes it's just reliving what happened to me," she said, fiddling with the cuff of her shirt. "Other times it's someone else in my place." Ron tucked her back into his side and rested his cheek on the top of her head.

"Thank you for telling me." She said nothing, just wrapped her arms around his waist. She did feel a little better having told him, although she wasn't so naïve as to think that she wouldn't have another nightmare tonight, regardless.

"If you have another dream and you want to talk, just come and wake me up," he said.

"All right," she agreed, unsure if she really would.

"I mean it, Hermione," Ron said pulling back from her again.

"I know, Ron." He studied her face for a few moments and she was quite sure he didn't believe her. "We should get ready to go."

"Right," he said. Hermione rose from the bed, then leaned back down and kissed him.

"I'll see you in a bit." As she left his room, Hermione could feel Ron's eyes boring into her back. It wasn't that she didn't want to confide in him, not really. In fact, she wasn't sure just what it was, exactly. She would try, that was all she could promise. She closed the door and made her way to Ginny's room to dress for the day at Hogwarts.