As I said at the end of the last chapter, this is Sabine's journal. She is aware of being in the story because she's writing it. Sorry to those confused. I'm using this to set up my finale. Trust me. (Blind trust would be best, but reluctant trust is still fine.)

Another thing (Please don't hate me for this): This chapter is mostly driven by the sad feels of my favorite author taking down all their stories. I would rant about it, but I don't want anyone to hate me for doing that. Just, Miss Author-that-I-will-not-mention-by-name-for-the-sake-of-discretion (I know you're reading this. You know who you are)… put them back? Please? Just say that they won't be updated. I'll be here for you.

I hate hospitals. Triage centers? Great! Field hospitals? No problem! Combat medicine? Fantastic. Medical airspeeders? Can't live without 'em.

Hospitals? Get me out.

I don't care how badly I'm injured: unless I'm comatose, I don't want to be in a hospital. They give me the creeps. The doctors at Lothal's hospital know me, though, so they usually have some sort of sedative ready, or if they don't they treat me outside.

Judging from the sterile walls, the doctors with masks on, and a watery feeling throughout my body, I guessed that I wasn't being treated outside. Apparently, I was in a specialized med unit for poison. One of the doctors said something about it being three days after my poisoning. That gave me a small freak-out, so the doctors gave me a sedative and knocked me out for another day. I just remember inky blackness for most of this time, but apparently I was muttering a lot, confessed my love to Ezra several dozen times, and (I kid you not) started to muse about being just a normal person with normal parents and a normal boyfriend. Crazy, right?

Yaaaay.

Thankfully, by the next day, the poison was out of my system, so I got to go back to the tower, where Ezra was waiting.

He was less than happy about my experience.

"Why didn't you tell me about that guy?" he asked. I could tell he was keeping his anger at me only barely under control.

"Because we've only been together for four days!" I exclaimed. "We've only been on Lothal for one!"

"That doesn't mean that you should just hide this from me, Sabine!" Ezra responded. Then, he turned super calm and serious. "Let me help you. Tell me what happened."

I must have looked like he hit me. "I… don't want to talk about it."

Ezra put one hand on my shoulder and led me over to the couch. "Sabine, I'm not gonna tell anyone else. Let me help you, cyar'ika."

I sat down on the couch, pulling one hand along the top. Ezra looked at me desperately. "Talk to me."

It was silent for a long, long time before I spoke. It was a painful accident for me, but I had to share it at some point.

"I was sitting in a bar with a Coruscanti Bombay in one hand and unrelenting depression in the other. Slowly, I stood up, taking my glass with me. I was completely drunk, and as I went out the door and started walking home.

"There was one guy standing outside my door, and I mistook that prick for you, Ezra. I laughed like a loon, hugging... Josh tightly. I… I actually kissed the guy, Ezra. That's my biggest regret in the past ten years.

And we were making out for the entire turbolift ride, and… well, we went to the bedroom first… just use your imagination for the rest. I'm not… I don't want to… I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Sabine…" Ezra said, putting one arm around my shoulders. "You should have told me."

"You wouldn't believe it if I had said it in the past week," I responded.

"I know you wouldn't lie to me."

"What about when you left? For all those years that you were in my life, I was telling you I felt nothing towards you. That's lying."

"You told me because that's what you were telling yourself."

Ezra's words hit me like a wrecking ball. He was right. That was what I was telling myself; I had only realized that I liked- no, loved- him when he was on the kriffing Chimaera, about to leave for the next seven years. If only- no. The past was the past, and unless I magically got a time machine, I wasn't going to change it. Besides, changing the past would have crazy effects on the future, and I didn't want that.

I was rapidly approaching my breaking point. "Hold me."

"Always."

I pressed myself against Ezra, shoving my face into his chest. Once more, I was teetering on the edge of breaking.

I broke.

I felt Ezra patting my back. Dimly, I registered crying before realizing it was me. Ezra was whispering to me. "It's okay. Ssh, it's okay."

I continued crying for the next hour, finding myself sitting on Ezra's lap afterwards. I looked up at him through red-rimmed eyes. Then, I whispered, "Thank you."

"Always, cyar'ika. I'm here for you. After all, mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome."

I weakly punched his arm. He had just said we are one when together, we are one when parted. "You are such a corny romantic."

"And you love me for it."

"Shut up and kiss me."

"Yes, commander."

"Captain."

"Well, you've been demoted."

I mocked horror. "Oh, anything but that!"

"Yes," Ezra said, very seriously. "That."

"Well, as long as you're here, I can live with losing my security clearance."

"Oh, and I'm the corny romantic?"

"Shut up and kiss me, Lieutenant," I ordered. Ezra laughed before compiling. As I might have said before, it was probably the most pleasurable feeling that I had ever felt up until that point.