A/N: Annnnnnnd a double post! To make up for last week! Thanks for being patient guys! I really am sorry and I do appreciate you all!

Note: Here comes the painnnnnnn

Chapter 11

The rehearsal dinner was packed with people. Neal and Tamara flitted around the room, Henry close to Neal's side, introducing him to Tamara's family. Neal's father was there as well, sending her the occasional distasteful glance across the room. They largely ignored each other though, only exchanging a polite greeting when they came face to face just the once. That was fine by Emma. She sat and watched as everyone in the room doted on her son, Killian sitting beside her running his thumb along the line of fabric at her exposed back where the purple dress she was wearing cut off, giving her silent comfort. Her remained by her side the whole night and she revelled in Neal's dark look when he spotted Killian's mark as Henry asked to stay with Neal and Tamara that night.

Neal didn't say anything to her about it, and barely said anything to Killian at all. Killian didn't seem to mind, and Emma wholeheartedly did not care what he thought anymore. Which was strange, considering how this all started. Tamara, it seemed, couldn't keep her eyes from Killian. It made her a little wary, considering Killian seemed to know her as well, but she brushed it off. She knew Killian was attractive, several of Tamara's cousins had already fed his ego when Emma stepped away to the bathroom, but he brushed everyone off politely, eyes only for her.

When they sat down and the toasts started, though, Emma could feel those old feelings of inadequacy and abandonment curling tight in her belly.

"I have to say," Robert Gold began after the clinking of glasses died off, "when my son told me he was to be married, I could not have been more thrilled for him. He and Henry, my grandson, are the most important people in my life, and I have always made it a point to let Neal know how loved and appreciated he is."

Emma suppressed an angry snort, but said nothing. Killian laid a comforting hand on her knee.

"Because he knows how important he is to me, I thought I'd take this opportunity to sing Tamara's praises instead," he continued and several "aww" sounds made their way around the room. "There is nothing more important than family, and as of tomorrow, you will be a part of ours. Neal and Henry's family has finally found the piece it was missing in you."

Killian gently moved his hand to Emma's unfurling it from the napkin she had clenched tightly in her fist, drawing her attention away. She blinked up at him as he laced their fingers together and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand, his eyes reassuring hers through the motion. She gave him a weak smile and relaxed slightly.

"It is a shame we never got to meet Tamara's parents, and I've heard many of you share fond stories of them throughout the evening. We know they are here in spirit," he said, and a murmurs of fond agreement broke out amongst the guests. "I wanted to let you know that as of tomorrow, I consider you a daughter as well, because that is exactly what you will be when you and Neal join in matrimony. The daughter I always wanted. To the happy couple," he said and lifted his glass to a rousing cheer and everyone drank, Gold giving her a sidelong glance over the rim of his glass. She wanted to throw up. Or run away. Or both.

Killian squeezed Emma's hand slightly and she looked to him once more as he unclasped them and shook out his hand from her tight grip with a teasing smirk. She gave him an apologetic smile, not realizing until that moment exactly how tight her grip had been around him, but she could clearly see the crescent marks in his skin from where her nails had almost pierced through it.

"That's a hell of a grip, Swan," he murmured low in her ear and slung his arm over the back of her chair. She leaned into his embrace, silently grateful he was there with her. The toasts went on, and everybody talked more about how wonderful Tamara and Neal were together and by the time everyone had filed out of the space, she was exhausted from all the emotional turmoil. Of course no one would speak about how they met, or the way their relationship came to be. No one mentioned Emma at all, not even as Henry's mother. It shouldn't have bothered her as much as it did, none of this was about her, but she couldn't help but feel like Neal was getting everything he ever wanted and she was still that lost lonely girl he left behind.

And then Killian smiled at her, and suddenly, she wasn't that girl anymore. She was a woman. A mother. A friend, a sister, a damn good PI, a whole lot of other things, but Neal hadn't broken her completely. Killian gave her hope for a better future, one where she wasn't so caught up in the past. While the doubts and insecurities still niggled at the back of her mind, they didn't have the control they had held so heavily over her for the last almost fourteen months. Hell, probably even longer than that. When they reached their room, Killian seemed intent on making sure she knew that she was special, cherished, and maybe something else that he'd said before, but Emma didn't want to think about right now.

Not while his hands were tracing over the skin of her bare arms, easing the strap of her dress down her shoulder to free a path for his lips. His movements were slow, intent, even reverent over her skin, slowly stoking the fire within her. Her head fell back against his shoulder where he stood behind her, humming low in her throat and letting her eyes fall closed as he eased her zipper down her back and let the plum colored fabric pool at her feet, placing more soft kisses against the side of her neck. He grasped her lightly on the shoulders and turned her, desire seeping into his gaze as he roamed the sight of her standing before him in lacy black matching underwear and silver heels. He let out a shuddering breath and reached up to delicately trace the edge of her bra, making Emma shiver.

"Is this for me?" he asked meeting her eyes and she nodded with a shy smile. "Ravishing," he complimented and dipped his head to kiss along the swell of her breasts. His hands never stilled over her flesh, pressing and kneading before slipping behind her to undo her bra and let it drop to the floor. He pressed a tender kiss to the mark he had left earlier that evening and then leaned down to suck a nipple into his mouth. Her head dropped back, the long strands of her hair dusting the tops of her thighs as her back arched, her weight supported by killians hands on her lower back. He kissed his way from one breast to the other and back again, making sure to worship them both equally.

Emma was on fire by the time his hands slipped down to her hips and pushed the fabric of her lacy panties to the floor. He immediately dipped a finger in the apex of her thighs, growling low in his chest at the wetness he found. Emma gasped at the contact and grabbed his still clothed shoulders to anchor herself.

"Is this for me, too?" he asked, eyes dark and wanting as he sucked the evidence of her arousal from his finger.

"Yes," she breathed out desperately, eager for more contact.

"Good," he said simply and crushed his mouth to hers in a searing kiss. His tongue probed and curled around hers, lips sealed tightly together. Emma tried to draw breath through her nose to maintain contact as long as possible, her arms now looped around his neck. They broke apart gasping as he picked her up by the waist and moved her back to the bed. He laid her down gently and stepped away, tugging his shirt from where it was tucked into his pants with one hand and beginning to unbutton it with the other. Emma kicked off her shoes, not caring where they fell and watched him as he exposed his chest and abs to her hungry gaze. When he pulled his belt from the loops and unbuttoned his pants, Emma's hand slipped up her ribs to grasp one of her breasts in her hand, kneading softly. Killian let out a feral growl and pushed his pants the rest of the way down, stepping out of them and his shoes quickly and laid himself over her body in nothing but his rapidly tightening boxer briefs and socks. He kissed her hard, shooing her hand away and replacing it with his own. He looked up at her after one parting kiss to her lips before beginning a trail of them down her body. She was fully aware of his destination and her body tensed, not in fear this time, but in anticipation. He sent her a cheeky wink before delving straight into her core with his lips and tongue, and she was sent flying. He lapped at her like he'd never get enough, scooping his hands under her thighs and holding here hips firmly in place, his tongue swirling and dipping and lips sucking and pulling at every atom of her being, or so it seemed. Emma fell in an explosion of light behind her eyes, and she vaguely heard someone scream, before realizing it was her as she came back to herself.

Killian pushed off the remainder of his clothes quickly, snagging a condom from his bag nearby as he did as she floated down from her high. The fact that he was well prepared this time did not escape her, even in her haze. She propped herself on her elbows, watching him roll on the latex sheath and when he met her eyes, she smirked and crooked a finger at him. His eyes sparkled and he practically dove at her, pushing her back into the mattress and making her laugh out loud.

"You are a goddess, Swan. Or perhaps a siren, meant to lead me to my death," he panted against her lips before stealing the air from her lungs with another kiss. "I will die a happy man," he declared and whatever reply she may have had was lost in the long moan she let out as he filled her. He rocked his hips experimentally, and when she rose up to meet him, he held nothing back. She couldn't contain the pleas and moans pouring from her mouth and he seemed to make it his aim to hear more of them. He nipped at her neck and shoulder, hopefully not making too noticeable of marks since she didn't have Ruby's makeup expertise on hand this time. Her hands grasped into his back and shoulders as he rose above her again and again, stealing kisses from her mouth and wherever else landed under his lips.

"Let me hear you, love, it's just us. God, you sound amazing when you sing for me," he said low in her ear, giving her an especially hard thrust on the last word, making her yelp in pleasure. "Aye, love, just like that, just like that, oh…" he trailed off into moans of his own and Emma could tell he was getting close as well. She wriggled a hand between them and found her clit, rubbing at it and grazing the place where they were joined. He gasped as her fingers skimmed the base of his cock as he withdrew and began thrusting into her even harder, making the headboard shake and rattle with each movement.

"Yes, Emma, God yes, take us there, so beautiful, amazing, you feel so fucking good," his praise was a constant stream in her ear as she drove higher and higher up that peak until the coil inside of her snapped and she was coming hard. Spots floated through her vision as she called out Killian's name and he followed with a growl of hers a moment later. He rolled to the side, slipping out of her but holding her tightly to his body, his face buried in the crook of her neck. She idly carded her fingers through his hair and ran them down his back soothingly as they lay in silence, their bodies calming. He took a moment to dispose of the condom and bring back a washcloth for her before slipping in the bed and spooning her pliant body. His arms were wrapped around her and all Emma could think was how she could get used to this.

A sting of sadness pricked her heart when she realized that after tomorrow, this could all end. Killian had no obligation to her, and she none to him. She hadn't really counted on it getting this far. She wouldn't use the "L" word, she was nowhere near ready for that, but there was something here, and she was pretty sure Killian felt it too. And it scared her, the thought of losing him, yes, but also the thought of him staying, having to be accountable to another person, to build something up from the ground up again, it was terrifying.

"I can hear you thinking, Swan," he mumbled into the crown of her head, pressing a kiss there. She tucked her chin to her chest and snuggled into him further with a hum of acknowledgement.

It was silent for a moment longer as they both continued to bask in the afterglow before he spoke again.

"I meant it," he murmured into her hair as he held her from behind.

"Hmm?" She was confused, and she looked up slightly over her shoulder, but couldn't see him.

"What I said at the lake," he said, fingering a lock of her hair on her shoulder before sliding the knuckle down over her side. "My answer during truth or dare. What I said about you, I meant it."

She rolled over to look him in the face, eyes wide in… alarm? Anticipation?

"I really don't know when it happened, love, that part was true as well. But I do. I love you so bloody much I can't scarcely breathe sometimes." His eyes shone with unshed tears of emotion and Emma's mind went from undecided straight past fear into fucking terrified. Suddenly the room was too hot, his embrace too tight. The walls were closing in and she needed to get the hell out of there and fast.

"I gotta…" she started but she couldn't settle on a good excuse so she pushed herself from his arms, grabbing her pj shorts and a t-shirt and putting them on quickly.

"Swan, wait, are you leaving?" Killian's voice sounded panicked. It had thrown the both of them how quickly she changed gears from euphoric to sheer panic. "Don't leave, Emma, we don't have to talk about it anymore. Forget it. It never happened." He was standing now, the sheet clutched around his waist, reaching for her arm. She wrenched away like she'd been burned.

"No, no, no, no, no. You can't say that and pretend it didn't happen. I just… I just need a little space. To process. I just need a minute," she rambled, pleading into Killian's eyes with her own. She wasn't there yet. Love had brought her nothing but pain and heartbreak, and the overwhelming need to run away from it took root before she could stop it. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but he couldn't hide the pain in his eyes. He nodded with a strained smile. She nodded back and made for the door.

"Just… promise me you'll come back. Please." He reached out once more like he might touch her, but didn't.

Emma felt shame sweep over her like a wildfire, but it couldn't trump the overwhelming panic in her gut. So she smiled as softly as she could manage and whispered "I promise."

She didn't know where she planned to go in her bare feet. She didn't have a car, and she doubted a place like this would serve her a drink in her attire. It was late now and the hotel was quiet. She wandered into the lobby and sat on one of the couches there in a corner away from the main part of the room, letting her head fall heavily into her hands. The room was large, empty, a good place for her to get herself in check. Even the desk clerk was gone, a bell sitting on the counter with a sign that said "Please ring for service".

"You okay, Ems?"

The last voice she wanted to hear in that moment had filtered into her space and she stiffened, her head popping up to meet Neal's concerned brown eyes.

"Yeah, I'm great. Just couldn't sleep. Is Henry out?" she asked, changing the subject from herself. Neal pulled at the tie around his neck that he still wore from dinner earlier, loosening it and sitting next to her with a groan.

"Yeah. Out like a light. He's an easy kid. Well, you know," he said nudging her shoulder with his own. She gave him a small smile in response. "I know tonight wasn't easy for you Emma, but thank you for taking it all in stride." His words surprised her and she blinked at him in stunned silence.

"Uh, no, it wasn't that bad, really. All okay here," she said once she remembered to use her voice, a nervous laugh betraying her inner conflict sneaking out on her.

"It wasn't bad," he agreed. "But it still had to be hard on you. I'm sorry for the stuff Dad said, too. I didn't know he was going to do that. I'm sorry for… for a lot of things, Ems." The sincerity in his voice was cracking her heart open all over again. She had waited so long to hear these things from him that she thought they would never come. Certainly not when it was too late. But he was being honest, finally reaching out to move on as an adult, and she couldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Thank you, Neal. That means a lot to me," she said and flopped back into the cushions with a sigh. "Where did it all go wrong?" she mused.

"I don't know, to be honest. I made a lot of mistakes. Neither of us were perfect, but we were happy once, weren't we?" he asked, turning to face her. Emma nodded.

"We were. I was, at least. Maybe we just drifted apart. I'll always care for you. You gave me some great memories in between the not so great. You gave me Henry," she said with a soft smile.

"Hm, yeah and look at us now," he said. "You looked great tonight, by the way. That purple brought out your eyes." He chuffed her under the chin and she laughed.

"Thanks," she said, scooching to face him as well, folding a leg underneath her. "You looked great, too, before you wrinkled your suit all up." She smoothed down the lapel of his jacket briskly and he chuckled. He looked at her again and something in his expression changed.

"You were always beautiful to me, Ems. I miss you a lot, you know," he said and suddenly Emma was on alert. She straightened and gave him a wary look.

"Well, I mean, you left…" she replied a little lamely, searching for the words to respond. Before she could fully process what he was doing, he was reaching up to cup her cheek and his lips pressed against hers. It took a moment for her to realize that he was actually kissing her, but when she caught up with herself, she ripped herself away and stood, slapping him hard across the face.

"Okay, damn! My bad, my bad, I misread the situation," he said, standing and rubbing at his cheek.

"Misread the situation?!" she nearly screeched and he immediately shushed her, which was like throwing gasoline into a bonfire. "What situation, Neal? We were just talking about how we weren't together anymore!"

"I know! We were reminiscing, I told you that I missed you, I thought, you know, maybe for old times sake…" he trailed off and Emma knew exactly what he had been thinking.

"I cannot believe you, Neal. The night before your wedding, you pig? You have done a lot of damage, buddy, but this takes the cake. You are getting married tomorrow. To a woman you cheated on me with. And I have a boyfriend! An amazing boyfriend who fucking loves me but what did I do when he told me that? I ran away from him! Because you left me so fucking broken that I panicked because love would leave me broken again and I wasn't sure if I could handle that more than once. Why would I ever think to do something rational like tell him I love him, too?" The realization hit Emma like a ton of bricks and Neal's stuttered attempts to quiet her rapidly rising voice faded into the background. "I love him, too," she repeated in wonder, eyes unfocused, trying to remember when it had happened.

"Well, maybe you'll actually show him this time, instead of leaving him wondering like you did me," Neal said bitterly and Emma's eyes snapped back to his.

"Neal, I suggest if you don't want a black eye for your wedding pictures tomorrow, you go back upstairs to your fiancée and forget this ever happened. I have somewhere I need to be," she said and brushed straight past him without another word.

She rounded the corner quickly, her heels skidding on the carpet in her haste, but she had to get to Killian. She had to tell him how she felt. It had only been a month, but she was tired of running from her feelings, and Killian had awoken sensations in her that she hadn't been ready to name this early in the game, but she knew one thing: she sure as hell didn't want to lose him. She loved him. She didn't want to let this go.

Carpe diem, I guess, she thought to herself as she approached her room. As she dug out her keycard that she'd grabbed from the dresser before she left from her shorts pocket, voices on the other side of the door caught her attention. She knew Killian was in there, but there was definitely more than one voice and that left her puzzled.

Quietly, she slipped the card into the slot and cracked open the door just in time to see Tamara slipping a bulging white envelope into Killian's sweat pants pocket, patting it into place and smoothing his shirt out.

"That's for your discretion," she murmured.

Emma's heart shattered into a thousand pieces and she felt a lump rising rapidly in her throat. As silently as she was currently capable of, she closed the door to the room and turned on her heel, stalking back down the hallway opposite from where she came.

How could she have been so stupid?