Chapter 25

December 12, T.A 2940

Evening

"Anariel," The king called trying to grab his daughters attention, hoping to speak with her on the events that took place yesterday, he had hoped he could grasp some understanding as to why she was so willingly, eager even to leave despite the obvious. As he watched her from his chair where he sat conversing with Legolas it was clear that she was deep in thought.

Anariel unconsciously let out a sigh as she sank in the chair within the king's tent oblivious to the king calling her. Her mind was lost swirling in a vast pit of memories and what was beginning to feel like regrets. Always did she believe she had her heart so well guarded, hadn't she made sure of it with Haldir and every other in the past? How did Feren manage to slip through all of her walls and every precaution she had ever put in place?

Giving her head a shake she turned it around, perhaps it wasn't a matter of how he got in, it was why she let him in. What was it about this one particular ellon that made her forget everything she ever fought to protect her heart from. Even now despite everything she has come to learn about him still she can feel it there in the back of her heart the unmistakable pull towards him. The identical one she worked to save her heart from and now that she sat here on the verge of tears an aching in her chest that would not cease, she knew the true reason why. And wished more than anything that she had done a better job of protecting herself.

It occurred to her that perhaps Haldir was right, she was fooling herself she could not love one she knew for so little a time. How? Here she sat at Three hundred and sixty-three years old having always refused to love a mortal, sure her heart had felt it own pull towards a few over the ages but she would never have allowed it either, she knew too well how short their lifespan could be so she thought it best to spare herself further heartache and ensure some distance. The first elf she sees, the first elf to be kind towards her, the only one she could say she knew or was even beginning to know asides from her father and brother. One elf and suddenly it's love, Anariel felt like scoffing at herself it seemed clear why Haldir thought her the fool. How could she be so sure that it was love if she knew of only him?

Her head fell into her hands, why, why was she doing this to herself? Did she not have enough to figure out already? In the span of a few weeks not yet three months ago she learned she was the princess of an entire realm, that her father lives, she has a brother. And somehow all that became second, it took the backseat to Feren and this supposed love. Her heart sank at the thought, it physically hurt that she could have allowed herself to become so blinded that she pushed them aside, the people she hoped for her whole life she would one day find so that she would not be so alone in this world.

They have done so much for her already, the king, has come so far for her and what has she done? It was time, she decided to return everything they have given to her. It too was time to allow her heart a break, put aside the idea of love and focus on what was most important, her family.

A smile graced her lips as she thought about it, family, she could finally say it and it held such true meaning for her. For the first time in three hundred years, it held true meaning.

"Anariel," Thranduil spoke in a firm, commanding tone hoping to drag her out of her deep thought process. "Anariel!"

"Hmm," Anariel mumbled turning to look at the king surprised by the sound of his voice, still the sound of her father's voice only made her smile widen.

"Thank you," Thranduil sighed glad to have her attention at last. "Now, will you explain."

"Well," Anariel took a deep breath before she began ranting away to the king this long detailed explanation of thing that had come to pass, everything from the moment she stood looking out her window every vivid moment that she slowly and yet, quickly began to realize this seemingly obvious epiphany.

Anariel noticed with a slight confusion how a smile had come to grace their lips as they looked at her and listened.

"That's was honourable of you," Legolas commented his voice ringing with kindness.

"Honourable?" Anariel shook her head in disagreement, "No, I see no honour in it, I was doing what had to be done to better my own wrong doings."

Thranduil sat shocked sitting in silence for a moment, as he looked at his daughter he could not help but look at her with pride. "I to see the honour in it, muinlell and I can assure you every elf that you spoke to, that you went to such lengths to have Anarion translate for you in front of them, to so admit that you made a mistake and apologize to them all so openly and then right that immediately to the best of your ability they to saw honour in it. Their respect for you grew, they begin to bow to you because they respect you because they wish to, not because it is expected of them."

"But…I," Anariel stumbled over her words before they faded to nothing, she was reminded of how she wanted nothing else to earn these elves respect and she had begun to do just that, it was unintentional, true, but she did it. The feeling it brought to her heart made her swell with pride, and confidence that she could fit in here beside this great king and his son. Maybe she could be the princess he hoped she would be.

Thranduil smiled kindly to his daughter, "Do you plan to speak with Feren, there is more to this all than what meets the eye, you can not only hear one side of a story and make a judgment from only that."

"Speak to Feren? No. Haldir? Yes." Anariel watched as their faces twisted in confusion. "Not that you are not right, which you are but it is not the only reason I have chosen what I did. Feren, while he didn't out and out lie to my face, he most certainly wasn't honest with me either. How am I suppose to trust him, that he will keep to his word if he will not even be honest with me about his past, about himself? I just… Haldir was right. I cannot go back to Feren now, I will not partially, yes because Feren who is Feren?" Anariel held up her own hand as Legolas went to speak, "No, I am sure you both know him. But, I…I do not. And, if I was to be completely honest with myself, and truthful of how much my heart aches right now, then yes, I do hope to know him. We all have flaws and do things we regret. But, in the fact that I can no longer be sure if I love him, or love the idea that came with loving him." Anariel sighed.

"All my life I looked at the picture of my mother, the only thing I had that led to a life beyond Bree, hoped and prayed to find something more, to find those I could call family. When that happened for me, I have done not but push you all further away and fell for the first one… all right first two," Anariel corrected herself, "Elves that paid me any heed. Why?" Anariel shrugged as she stood from her spot beginning to pace around the tent as she continued. "Perhaps, as I said I liked nothing more than the idea that comes with it. But that is where Haldir is right, how can I be so sure I love someone I know so little about and have known for so little time. How do I even know if he truly loves me? I wouldn't love me?"

"Anariel," Thranduil spoke standing up from his chair as he made his way closer closing the distance between himself and his daughter.

"What, that should be no shock, who could love one like I. Don't you get it, it isn't just Feren I do not know. I do not even know myself, so how could he? How can he be so sure he loves me. Who am I? For three hundred years I have been that elf that lived with mortals, that barmaid, stable hand, that one that everyone could rely upon. But that doesn't make me anyone. It is so obvious, you…" Anariel waved a hand over to her father, "You stand there and are a great king, a strong warrior, and…and an even greater father. You strive to do so much good for your kingdom, Legolas is so sure of himself when he wields his weapons because he is too that warrior he knows what he stands for, he knows what he is fighting to protect. And then there is me, I am none of what I once was in Bree, I cannot be. I am now the daughter of the greatest elven king to live, so I've heard. I need to figure out what that means for me, I have to." Anariel kept her back turned from her brother and father as she spoke so they would not see the tears that fell. "I can't let myself love, not yet. I must find myself, again first. I don't always want to be Anariel, daughter to King Thranduil, sister to Prince Legolas or the other half to Feren Chief Marchwarden. Every single time I am connected to some ellon it makes me some half, some piece not really my own person. I refuse for that to be so, I am no half." Anariel turned to face Thranduil taking a deep breath squaring back her shoulders she stated with a bold. firm tone, "I will be Princess Anariel, I just need to figure me out first, figure out who I am and what that will mean. Anything and everything after that will make me better but it will not define who I am for me."

Thranduil closed the distance between himself and his daughter with careful, precise footsteps. Grasping her face with gentle caring hands he pressed his lips to the top of her head. "Oh, muinlell. My princess, my warrior."

"Ada, I am no warrior like you or Legolas." She said as she kept her tear stained eyes looking downwards.

"I see the warrior in you. No one is born a warrior, and no can be led to become one. You choose to be a warrior when you refuse to stay seated and refuse to back down when things seem hopeless when you choose to stand back up after everything tried to knock you back and break you down. You are already a warrior, but you may grow to one day be a great one."

Anariel looked up into the king's eyes, he offered her a kind smile lifting her face between his hands as he looked in his daughter's eyes. "Thank you." She whispered, her father's hands fell from her face wiping away her tears.

"So, then princess. How about your lessons?" Thranduil mused out loud after a moment as he turned back around towards his throne like chair.

Anariel groaned out, slumping her shoulders though a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she locked eyes with Legolas he chuckled at her.

And though Anariel groaned and puffed she followed her father with a smile on her lips to speak about furthering her lessons.

Author's Note; Thank you to everyone for all of the supports, reviews, favs, follows, PM's, it is all so awesome so thank you!

Hope that you guys enjoy this new chapter, as always would love to know what you thoughts of this chapter, who do you guys like more, Haldir - Feren. What are you thinking of Haldir, still hating him or not so much? lol

xo

Ivy

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