Chapter 5: Watchful Eyes

Dear Yuuri,

I've gotten through the worst of detoxification now. It was pretty ugly, so I think I'll spare you the details, but I will tell you first, that I'm glad it's over and second, that I'm very motivated to never have to do something like that again. I've been really lucky to have Maccachin with me, although Stefan had to pull strings to make them allow Macca into the infirmary when I was there for some treatment. Don't worry, I'm back in my regular room now and feeling better, although still quite ill sometimes. I am still having pounding headaches and I crave alcohol sometimes. My stomach gets bad sometimes, but overall, I'm better.

I'm starting group therapy today. I was supposed to start before, but I was too ill to go, so that was postponed until I felt better. I've met a lot of the other patients, but there are still some I don't know.

I'm trying really hard to get better, and I want so badly to come home. I hope you're doing well, Yuuri. In only a couple more days, I can talk to you and maybe see you, if you visit. I've missed you so very much. I can't wait to be with you again.

Love,

Vitya

XXXXXXXXXX

When I find the naked picture and very creepy poem, I of course want to tell Stefan immediately. After all, this means that someone slipped into the infirmary and did this to me while I was unconscious. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to think of someone touching me like that, tying my hands and undressing me, posing me that way and photographing me, all under the noses of the watchful staff. It's not gotten past me that all of us here are kept under pretty careful watch, so the person doing this has to know the routines here, and has to have access to the infirmary. I know that whatever move I make I'll have to do it very cautiously. That last line is a clear and pointed death threat.

What does this person want?

Whoever it is, they could have hurt me if they wanted to. I wonder…if they did hurt me.

I feel my heart race at the thought and my legs feel like rubber as I go to my little bathroom and lock the door, then I slide my pants down and try to feel if there are any signs I might have been raped. I can relax a little as I find the area dry and not painful at all to the touch. But that just means that I wasn't taken violently. If the person was gentle and cleaned up after…

God, I feel like throwing up again!

I don't feel like I was raped, but…I suppose only a clinical check would tell.

I shiver as I realize.

This could be any of the staff that treated me, so I don't dare take an action that would involve them. Thank god I know it wasn't Stefan. We know each other too well, and he loves Filip and has only feelings of friendship for me. I can trust him. But…I can't trust the staff and I can't trust any of the other patients except for Vasily.

Shit.

How do I go to Stefan? We aren't meeting privately until tomorrow, and with so many people around me who could be the one, added to the fact I'm essentially a prisoner here and the staff are like keepers…it's impossible!

I have to stay calm and try to figure this out.

Now, whoever this is, they could have raped or killed me already. He…or she is in it for the game. I'm being stalked, carefully manipulated and slowly cornered. I don't know whether the eventual goal is rape or if the person wants to kill me or maybe both, but I have limited time to figure this out and do something to stop the person.

How can I do that?

I leave my bathroom and go back into my bedroom, and I hide the naked picture in one of my books, then I sit on the bed and think about the clues.

The first poem was clearly meant to make me feel intimidated, and it held the unspoken threat of a sexual advance. So, this person either wants me sexually or wants to dominate and scare me. The second note also has creepy sexual overtones to go along with he picture, but the end of the poem is obviously a threat meant to keep me from talking to anyone.

Was that death threat just a part of the effort to intimidate me and control me? Or does the person feel concerned they're actually in danger of getting caught if I talk to someone? Then, there's the whole problem of, I don't know who this is, so if I talk to the wrong person, I could be asking for trouble.

What can I do?

A tap on the door steals me out of my thoughts.

"Come in."

The door opens and, to my surprise, it's Masha. She still wears the usual dismissive look as always, but she steps into the room and at least looks me in the eyes while she talks to me.

"You all right now?" she asks gruffly.

"Not really," I answer with brutal honesty, "but at least instead of going between unconsciousness and uncontrolled temper tantrums I don't remember afterward, oh yes, and being stuck with an IV when I hate needles, now I'm just having headaches, nausea and disturbing dreams."

"At least you're through the worst of it," she sighs.

"You say that like you actually give a damn," I muse, "no wait…only half a damn. This is Masha we are talking about."

"Got a little piss back too, huh?" she snorts.

"Some. Why are you here?"

She gives a little unconcerned shrug.

"Just wanna know if I should be prepared to catch your ass if you faint again, ice fairy."

"Is this your way of making friends?" I ask dryly, "Or are you just fucking with me?"

Masha has a very cute and very wicked little smile as she looks back at me.

"I'll just let you think about that," she answers slyly, "but don't think too hard. Don't want you hurting yourself, right?"

"Right," I sigh, shaking my head as she turns and slips out the door again, "Mental…"

I think she hates me a little less now, but seeing me pass out like that and left completely helpless…

The thought gives me a little chill.

Could she…?

But she seemed genuinely surprised when I mentioned the note before. No, I don't think it's her. Still, I need to be careful around her. Even if she's not the one doing this, she's not a friend. I'll need to keep her at arm's length.

I curl up with Maccachin on my bed to think about it, and I end up falling asleep, which is fine because I'm safe with Macca there, and I need the rest, after all that's happened. My body is still detoxifying, so I'll still have symptoms for awhile. It might be weeks before everything feels normal again.

But, what is normal?

I've been this way since I was a teen. I don't know how to live sober…but then, that's why I'm here. I'm going to learn how to do that.

I manage somehow to get through the night without even any nightmares. My clock goes off and wakes me up in plenty of time to dress and meet Vasily for breakfast. I change into fresh clothing and head out of the room with Maccachin on my heels. We stop at Vasily's room and I tap on the door.

"Just a sec," he calls out.

As we wait, the college boy, Tolya passes by, and he ignores my greeting and doesn't meet my eyes.

Ah right. He doesn't like pansexuals or anyone like that.

He pulls up short and scowls at Nurse Ivkin as he comes out of a room ahead of me, then he continues on his way down the hall.

Hmm, this is a chance to observe a staff member who I know was in the infirmary with me…although, Nurse Ivkin seems a little too obvious, since he was on duty, and would naturally then be a suspect.

I watch him closely as we meet in the hallway.

"Good morning," I greet him cheerfully.

"Good morning, Victor," he answers politely, "You look better today."

"I feel much better. But, I think I owe you an apology for being so much trouble while I was in your care before. I'm usually not like that."

"Don't worry about it," he says, brushing it off, "Nobody's ever themselves in detox. You were not that bad. Actually, you were more pleasant than some who've come through."

"Well, thank you for the help."

He gives a little shrug and touches my arm in a bracing gesture. His eyes look calm and quiet as he replies.

"It's my job. It's nothing."

I watch as he heads back towards the infirmary.

I don't think I could handle a job like his. I'd go crazy getting screamed at all of the time by drunks and drug addicts trying to get their shit together. Why would anyone want to have a job like that?

So, he seemed polite, friendly, normal. He did seem to dislike it when Stefan bent the rules to let Maccchin stay with me, but being a stickler for rules, especially in an institution with people who are here because they've fucked up their lives…yeah, can't say he stands out or anything.

Vasily arrives a moment later, and we continue down the hallway, heading to the cafeteria, where I choose some bland things that probably won't hurt my troublesome stomach. Vasily gives me a sympathetic look.

"Is your stomach still bad? Mine is."

"Yeah, it troubles me, but not as much as before, thank god."

"I know, right?" he laughs, "It's not enough that we're craving things that are bad for us. We can't even keep down the things that are good for us.

We sit near a closed window, a little bit away from the others who are eating in the room. A few tables away, Masha sits by herself with her feet up on the table and an opened book held up in front of her. Tolya is sitting with a young woman, a redhead named Calina, who I haven't ever talked to, but I know is quiet and kind of shy like Yuuri. She has tumbled hair like his and gentle brown eyes.

She doesn't seem like someone who should hang around with a guy like Tolya. He's not just bigoted, he's a horny frat boy. There are rules against any of us having sex with each other, which you can understand, considering the dreadful state we're in. We're not in any kind of shape to run our own lives. We shouldn't be adding relationship drama to the shit soup we live in. Not that I have to worry about that.

"Hey, ice fairy," Tolya snaps suddenly, bringing me out of my reverie, "stop staring at her. She's obviously not your type and she doesn't want a perverted freak like you ogling her."

Without missing a beat, I meet Calina's surprised and distressed eyes kindly and give her a little friendly wink.

Good morning, Calina," I greet her, patently ignoring him, "Sorry if it seemed like I was staring. I was just lost in my thoughts. It's nice to meet you. I'm…"

"Oh, I know who you are," she says, blushing fiercely, "Victor Nikiforov. I'm a really big fan. I skate too. I joined the senior ladies division this year, but missed qualifying for the Grand Prix Series because of an injury."

"I'm sorry to hear about your injury," I answer, "but I'll be sure to watch for you next season."

"Geez, are you deaf and stupid?" Tolya says, standing and heading towards Vasily and me, "I said to leave her alone, faggot!"

Intolerant prick.

I have no use for people like that.

But…there's no fighting allowed.

I stand and come to my full height, which is a bit taller than my hot headed, bigoted counterpart. He doesn't seem fazed, and in fact, curls his lips into a cruel sneer as he faces me, clenching his hands like he really wants to hit me.

"I think Calina can make her own decision about who she wants to talk to," I say, tilting my head slightly, "She doesn't need to be talked over and to have her feelings ignored by an arrogant, oblivious little prick like you."

His clenched hand flies at me, probably before he realizes that he's lost control. I employ a move that I learned from Maret, and catch his hand before his arm is extended. This leaves his body open, so it's easy for me to put a foot to his midsection and shove him into an empty table that overturns as he crashes down with it.

Behind me, Vasily goes to Calina and helps her scoot quickly out of the room. Masha looks up from the book she's reading. I know I have about five seconds before someone comes to break up the fight, so I stand quietly, gazing down at Tolya as he scrambles to his feet and charges at me.

"Not smart," I comment as I move just in time for him to miss me and crash into another table that breaks as he tumbles to the floor again, "but then, you've shown you have no intelligence, except for knowledge of how to be an intolerant jerk."

I stiffen as he grabs a steak knife and starts to charge at me before I can move. A moment later, Masha crashes into him from behind, carefully grabbing his wrist as they fall together, so that she keeps the knife away from them. With a flick of her hand, she sends the knife spinning away, as two large male orderlies run into the room.

"Stop it! Both of you!" one yells, as each of them grab one of the fallen combatants and drag them to their feet, "You know there's no fighting!"

"She was protecting me," I tell the men, "Tolya…"

"Tolya shot off his mouth and I didn't like it, so I decked him!" Masha insists.

"Victor attacked me!" Tolya yells, struggling with the man holding him, "The piece of shit was making passes at Calina. That's not allowed!"

"He's a damned liar," Masha snaps, glancing at me, "He insulted Victor, and I told him to shut up. He got stupid and made a dumbshit move and I decked him, right Victor?"

Fighting is considered a pretty serious offense. She could get kicked out of the program. I don't want to let her take the blame for me, but she gives me a look like it's really what I should do.

"Well?" one of the orderlies says, "is that what happened?"

"Yes," I answer softly, "Tolya insulted me and Masha was standing up for me."

"Come on, both of you," says the orderly holding on to Masha, "We'll go and make a disciplinary report."

He gives me a nod.

"You're free to go."

"BUT HE ATTACKED ME!" Tolya roars.

"Be quiet," the orderly holding him snaps, "You've made no secret that you don't like Victor's sexual orientation. We know you have it in for him. We've got two people saying he didn't touch you."

"They're lying!"

"Sure they are…"

I watch as they leave, then I head out into the hallway, where Vasily is standing with Calina, who still looks shaken.

"Are you okay?" I ask her, "Look, I am sorry about that. I just couldn't let him…"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Calina assures me, "Victor, just before all of that, he was talking about you. He was saying really awful things about you and Yuuri Katsuki. He said you're both sick in the head. He told me that he was going to get you put in lockup because he doesn't like you. I was…afraid. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I tell her, squeezing her hand comfortingly.

"How did you get out of that?" Vasily asked, "I mean…you did kick him."

"I started to own up, but then Masha insisted on taking the blame for me. First, she protected me by disarming Tolya, then she took the punishment for me."

"Man, what's with her?" Vasily says, shaking his head, "First she can't stand you, then she protects you. I don't get it."

"Neither do I," I concur, "but maybe we should go somewhere else to talk about this."

"Yeah," Vasily agrees, "Wanna hang out in my room?"

He gives Calina a gentle smile.

"You're welcome to come and hang out too. Victor will bring Maccachin to meet you."

Her eyes widen cutely.

"I can meet your poodle?" she asks.

She catches herself and blushes.

"Sorry…"

"It's okay," I laugh, "Maccachin would love to meet a new friend. And actually, I have a group meeting to get to. Do you think you and Vasily can watch Macca for me while I go?"

It works out perfectly.

I get to my meeting and I don't get in trouble.

Tolya gets disciplined for fighting.

Masha gets off with a warning.

And Vasily and Calina babysit Maccachin together.

Have I mentioned that dogs are a great ice breaker?

I know it's not allowed for them to be together in here…but…they won't be here forever, right?

And they deserve to be happy.

I think they're cute together.