**So my router apparently died while I was on vacay, and I figured I'd get a chapter or two ready while I waited for a new one...but no...effing writer's block**

**Good news is, the block cleared up about the same time the router came in**

**By the way, it appears I do not function very well without net...rather depressing really**

**Enjoy**

Chapter Six: So Confused

He kept his eyes on the road, tapping the steering wheel of the car as he contemplated what to say. Not so much of a peep had been exchanged between them since they left Aspen Landing, and after an hour of pure silence, he was ready to punch a hole in the dashboard just to get a reaction out of her. She sat there, slumped down in the seat with her right foot propped up on the dash, staring out the window with her right arm propped up on her right knee.

"So…are you gonna tell me what the hell happened back there?" Bucky asked.

"I helped us dodge the bullet of a federal charge…multiple ones actually" she replied flatly.

"That's not what I meant" he corrected.

She lowered her head briefly, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. He cocked his head just enough to be able to look at her and keep some attention on the road.

"I half expected you to tear him apart the second he walked in the door, not claim his innocence and send those agents packing" Bucky explained.

Kade laughed pitifully, turning her eyes back to the window, watching the rapidly spinning tires of the SUV they just passed on the highway; feeling some similarity of how her mind was currently working.

"I spent years telling myself that if I ever saw him again, I'd kill him…and I wanted to. I played out a thousand different scenarios in my head of how I would do it…what would hurt the most…but when I saw him, when I read his mind…I don't know, I just…I can't explain it"

He noticed her, gently tapping her fingers against her knee, keeping a painfully slow rhythm. She took a deep, steadying breath; collecting herself.

"He was telling the truth for once…he's innocent" she sighed.

"For Ambrose maybe, but to give him a pass after everything he's done…that's not like you" Bucky advised.

Silence filled the cab for several moments, and even her fingers stilled against her leg. Her mouth went dry, remembering what she saw in Simon's head, and it felt as if speaking was going to take an act of god. Kade swallowed hard, pulling her hand into a fist.

"He sees their faces" she murmured.

"Who?" he asked.

"Simon…he sees the faces of the people he's killed, whose lives he destroyed, he remembers every single one of them…they keep him up at night"

Bucky found himself at a loss as she spoke, feeling an old familiar sense curl around his mind; recalling the days when he first broke free from HYDRA's control.

"…self-inflicted guilt, it's how he's trying to atone for his sins…that's why according to him, he won't be allowed to think otherwise until I forgive him"

"Why you?"

"Because…I'm the one he hurt the most" Kade answered.

It felt as if the floodgates came unhinged, repeating the same words he had said earlier. Kade drove her fist into her knee, growling in irritation as she tossed her head back against the seat, bringing her hands up to cup the top of her head on either side; allowing a misinterpreted smile across her lips.

"I don't know what to do, I hated him…I hated him with every fiber of my being, and it was easy…it was so easy to just build on that rage, and suddenly it's just…this is so confusing" she sighed, leaning forward and covering her face with her hands.

Bucky ran his tongue behind his teeth, trying to keep his attention on the road as he thought back to a time where he felt the exact same sense of confusion.

"I know what you're going through" he stated.

Kade turned her head to face him, pulling her hands down far enough to expose the top half of her face as he continued speaking.

"I waited eight years for you to come back to D.C, and five of those years I spent not knowing if you were alive or dead. All those years of pent up frustration and worry, and when I finally find you, I find out I have a son that I never knew about…God I was so mad at you. I had seriously contemplated on returning to New York, and never looking back. But when you came outside, and I saw that look on your face…all that frustration, all that anger…was just gone, and the only thing I wanted to do was hold you. So yea… I know what it feels like to have all that emotion just disappear in an instant"

Kade exhaled slowly, straightening herself to sit back in the seat, resting her elbow on the door and cradling her head in her hand.

"I don't think this is the same circumstance Bucky…I didn't try to kill you back then" she sighed.

"No, but you did shoot me in the neck with a dart gun" he joked.

She scoffed, turning an amused glare at him.

"I seem to recall you shooting me first" she argued.

Bucky laughed softly, and felt that small glimmer of relief to hear her do the same if only for a moment; anything to get her mind off of Simon. Kade turned her attention back out at the landscape as it blurred by, cradling her chin in her hand.

"All things aside, we now have three unidentified enhanced that are still unaccounted for, and we don't even know who they are or what they want…save for the fact they're obviously trying to frame him" she stated flatly.

"Old members of the Triad maybe, wanting revenge?" Bucky stated, offering ideas.

"Possibly, it would make sense as to how his prints got on the scene if Josh wasn't the only one with his particular ability"

"And what ability was that?"

"Shape-shift into anyone he touched"

"Oh yea…that one" Bucky grumbled.

"They get a teleporter to help get them inside the building" Kade remarked.

"And a super strength to fight off the guards and ensure their escape" Bucky added.

There was a brief moment of silence before Kade continued.

"Say it is the Triad, it still doesn't add up though. If they were wanting revenge, they would do everything in their power to make sure he's released so they can kill him themselves…they gain nothing by pushing him into a life sentence" she stated.

Bucky let loose a heavy sigh, seeing the small flaw in his earlier theory. The Triad may have worked under the radar back in the day, but they were not aside from theatrics; or getting their hands dirty for that matter.

"We'll figure it out soon enough. Right now I think it's best if we present it to the team, get some fresh eyes on it" Bucky advised.

Kade stiffened slightly at the idea, her mind reeling back to the conversation she had with Holt a few days earlier. She was expecting more time in Russia, waiting for the right chance to tell him, and now that said chance was here; but it still wasn't going to be easy. Kade swallowed her nerve like a bitter pill, her heart against her ribs as an uneasy feeling circled her stomach…this wasn't going to easy at all. She looked down at the floorboard, clasping her hands together in her lap, breathing in deep as she prepared to speak.

"Bucky…there's something I need to tell you…something I probably should have told you a long time ago"

"What?" he asked.

"I think…I think the stone is giving me the power of premonition, and it's been trying to warn me for a while that something bad is gonna happen"

"How long is a while?"

"…A few years" Kade answered shamefully.

"A few years!? And you're just now telling me about it!?" he questioned, his voice elevated slightly in response to his shock.

"I wasn't trying to keep it as a secret, I just wanted to figure out what I was dealing with"

"Damn it Kade, that's why we got married, that's why we became Avengers…so you don't have to shoulder this shit on your own"

"I'm aware of that, but I didn't want to put everyone on high alert over something I didn't understand. I'm not about to be the girl who cried wolf…I'm sorry"

There was an uneasy silence between them for a few minutes, and she could hear his slow and steady breathing; clearly he was restraining himself as usual. It surprised her how much control he had over his temper now, especially since she remembered how he used to be. He was so easily triggered, that even the slightest miss-step in words could get you shot. Kade was not aside from admitting she was likely the influence behind his taming, but she was certain their children were just as much a factor.

"Alright, given the circumstance there's really nothing we can do about it now, just…no more secrets, okay?" he stated sternly.

"Deal" she replied.

Kade flinched slightly, startled when he reached over and grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers between hers and holding it tight. It was almost as if he flipped her switch, calming her in an instant. She felt herself relax into the seat, exhaling slowly as if expunging all the tension she had been carrying the past few years.

"We'll get through this, we always do" he assured.

JB twisted the cloth in his hands, wringing out the excess water back into the bowl before he pressed the cool cloth against Connie's forehead. Her face had become much paler than usual, even her lips had lost their color. She had been in a constant state of unconsciousness since they escaped the plant, which worried him just as much as her ragged breathing; which had gotten considerably slower in the past two days.

In truth, he was surprised they had managed to stay hidden for so long. Three days had passed since they arrived, and even several miles away from the plant, the roads were still crawling with cops and feds. It didn't help that every news station in the area continuously aired updates about it, blasting horrid hand drawn sketches of the "attackers" that looked nothing like them; it still alerted everyone to be on the lookout for two men and a woman traveling together…which made things incredibly difficult for them.

He was going stir crazy, holed up in a run-down hotel room, trying to look after his sister while Simon was doing his best to keep them fed and out of sight. JB dipped the cloth back into the bowl, lost in his thoughts as it soaked up the water and drifted just below the surface. They needed to get to New York, they needed to do what they came here for…they needed to stop that monster from carrying out his mission.

Nausea bubbled up in the pit of his stomach, causing a bitter taste to surface on his tongue. He cringed, swallowing hard to steel himself while his insides churned, threatening to expel what little breakfast he managed to eat. The sound of a key entering the room door had him on edge in an instant, and he vaulted to his feet, fists clenched and ready for a fight. As the door came open, filling the room with blinding sunlight, a figure came into view, quickly shutting the door behind him.

"Simon" JB breathed, sitting back down on the corner of the bed.

"Sorry it took so long, you have no idea how hard it is to keep from being seen when your face is on T.V every five minutes" he grumbled, tossing a paper takeout bag onto the other bed.

"I got a couple sandwiches if you're hungry" Simon added, gesturing his head toward the bag.

"I'm not hungry" JB replied quietly, leaning forward to rest his face in his hands.

Simon walked up to the bed, kneeling down beside Connie and gently turning her wrist to check the device, letting out a heavy sigh to see the small screen remaining black. He shifted his fingers below it, pressing against her skin as he stilled himself.

"Why isn't she waking up?" JB asked, pulling his hands away from his face to look at them; his leg fidgeting.

"I don't know, her power level still hasn't recovered…and her pulse is getting weaker" Simon stated, releasing her wrist and getting to his feet and walking toward the T.V; cupping his hands over the lower half of his face.

"She's dying" he whispered.

"What!?" JB spat, jumping back to his feet quick enough to induce another surge of nausea.

"How the hell is she dying!?" he howled.

"Probably because she's depleted her powers in the jump"

"No, there's no way. She trained for years to do this, so she could make the fifteen year mark!" JB argued.

"She didn't make a fifteen year jump she made a twenty" Simon retorted, turning to face JB.

JB felt ready to swallow his tongue if it meant easing the sudden dryness in his mouth. Simon looked back at him with a heartfelt sorrow in his eyes; he's known all along.

"What?" JB rasped, unable to find any other words at the current time.

Simon exhaled raggedly, resting his hands on his hips, lowering his eyes to the floor in some manner of shame.

"I saw the date on the newspapers yesterday morning…she took us back four years before the attack, and five before…" Simon trailed off, knowing JB would be able to figure out the rest on his own.

The boy teetered back and flopped on the bed with the least amount of grace possible, his head swimming and the urge to vomit teasing at the back of his tongue. As if he were moving in slow motion, he leaned forward, propping his elbows up on his knees and cradling his head in his hands; trying his best to keep breathing.

"How?" JB asked, his voice only a strained whisper.

"I don't know the full details about teleporter time travel, what I do know, is that her pulse is only getting weaker…she may have another forty eight hours before she slips into a coma and dies"

"No, there's gotta be another way…" JB rasped.

He suddenly hitched his breath, darting wide eyes up to Simon with the smallest glimmer of hope.

"…What about the supplements? Your injections-"

"They won't work" Simon retorted, cutting JB off.

"They worked for you!" JB spat.

"Because my power was stripped, not depleted…and it took six years to get what little I have, she doesn't have that kind of time!"

"So you're telling me, that I have no other choice, but to just stand here and watch her die?" JB growled, getting to his feet and walking toward Simon.

Simon was silent for a moment, taking a deep breath and avoiding eye contact as if contemplating on whether or not to mention the idea that just crossed his mind.

"This is one other way…but you're not gonna like it…"

JB's initial anger quickly became confusion as Simon cleared his throat.

"…or rather I'm not" he finished.

It took only seconds for the confusion to be replaced with realization, and quickly followed by denial.

"No" JB quipped.

"She has the ability to save her"

"No, no, no, she'll kill you the second she sees you!" JB hissed.

"That's a risk I'm gonna have to take!" Simon barked.

JB turned on his heels, starting a nervous pace between Simon, and the nightstand between the beds, running his hands up to cup either side of his head as if to help himself think.

"Look, we are faced with two options here. Option one, we risk exposure, Connie lives and we just improvise the rest. Option two, we lay low for five years, keep our cover, but in return, she dies…the choice is up to you" Simon stated, trying to keep his voice firm.

JB continued pacing, his labored breathing matched by the torn look on his face as his eyes bounced between Connie and Simon.

"What's it gonna be?" Simon asked.

As JB turned toward the nightstand, he stopped, slowly lowering his hands down to his sides, looking down at Connie, hearing the slow ragged breaths pass her barely parted lips; the eerie look of death like sleep on her face.

"How long does it take to get to New York?" JB asked.

The last few rays of sun blanketed the suburbs in a bright orange, giving way to the deep blue of the steadily darkening sky. Kade sat in one of the patio chairs on the back porch, nursing on a small glass of scotch; her eyes transfixed on Constance as she ran exuberantly around the back yard…avoiding her lumbering older brother the best she could. Kade's mind drifted off into her own thoughts, so much so that she never heard the distinctive sound of the sliding glass door coming open behind her.

"Dinner should be here in about twenty minutes" Bucky remarked.

Kade flinched violently, nearly dropping her glass as Bucky made his way to the chair next to hers, leaving the door open.

"Whoa, easy…are you okay?" he asked, watching her cautiously as he took his seat; a beer in hand.

"I'm fine, I just…spaced out is all" she defended, bringing the glass to her lips to take a sip.

"You've been doing a lot of that lately"

She ignored the observation, watching as Jamie snatched Constance up in his arms, pretending to take a bite of her; the child screaming into a fit of high pitched laughter.

"You said no more secrets right?" she asked.

Bucky pulled the bottle back to garner a gulp, lowering the bottle to look at her as he swallowed it down; dipping his head to signify an answer he couldn't vocalize.

"Then I tell you what's been on my mind. We can play at it all we want, but this…this is never going to be anything close to normal" she remarked, keeping her voice low enough so the kids wouldn't hear them.

"I thought we already established that"

"Oh come on Bucky, look at us. I have an infinity stone fused in my body, you're a one hundred year old super soldier with a metal arm. We go out there and risk our lives on a continuous basis…every mission carrying the risk that one of us isn't going to come back…"

Bucky lowered his head, staring down at the bottle as he ran his right thumb around the top rim; her words hitting home only because the same thoughts crossed his mind as well.

"…and he puts on a brave face about it, but I know it's stressing Jamie out…and when Constance get old enough to understand, it's gonna do the same thing to her"

"So are you thinking about retiring or something?" he asked.

She was silent for a moment, partially raising her glass as an unreadable smile crossed her lips.

"I've thought about it, yea…but more so about finding a way to get rid of the stone" she answered, taking a sip of scotch.

Bucky went rigid, eyes wide as he straightened his back, staring her down in disbelief.

"Whoa, hold up a second, did you forget what Vision told us? Any attempt to remove the stone might kill you!" he argued.

"But it might not!" she retorted, turning her attention to him.

"And you're willing to take that risk!?" he hissed, his voice raising ever so slightly.

They both shot a glance out to the yard, seeing Jamie and Constance still playing their game of tag; still oblivious to their parent's conversation. Both of them shifted uncomfortably in their seats, while Bucky leaned in closer to keep from being heard.

"Where is this coming from?" he asked.

"It's coming from the constant state of fear I am living in…" she answered, looking over at him.

Bucky wasn't sure if it was the answer that took him by surprise or the look of hurt in her eyes.

"…I'm not even using the full potential of this power because I'm scared to…I'm scared that I'm going to lose control, and everyone is going to pay the price for it" she explained, her voice wavering.

His expression softened, realizing the root of her fear.

"You're scared you're going to become the destroyer...you think that's the cause of the bad feeling" he breathed.

"It's inevitable…this power wasn't meant to be harnessed by someone like me…I'm a time bomb just waiting to go off"

Bucky exhaled sharply, leaning in close as if to devoid her ability to ignore him.

"You think you're not suited, is that it? Well I think there is a reason you were chosen…"

Kade scoffed softly at him, but let him continue.

"…I've watched you come back from the dead, return to earth from galaxies over and everything else in between…given that, I think there is nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it…you were meant to have this power" he remarked sternly.

She snorted through her nose, biting her lip for a moment while she pulled her gaze down to the glass in her hand; the amber colored liquid stilled at the bottom.

"I'm meant to be the hope of the universe or the bane of its existence…and I still don't know which one I am" Kade laughed, pulling her eyes skyward; seeing the dim glimmer of stars that peered out in the dusk.

"I do" he stated calmly.

"That kind of faith might get you killed" she warned, looking back at him.

"So be it, that's my choice" he retorted.

Kade opened her mouth to protest, but he quickly interjected.

"Hey, I made a vow remember?...to stay by your side, no matter what…I'm not breaking that, not in a million years" he stated.

She scoffed at him, leaning back in her chair and sighing in defeat. If Bucky was anything aside from persistent, he was stubborn…and arguing with him once he's made up his mind was like arguing with a brick wall.

"How do you always know what to say?" she asked, bringing her attention back to the kids.

He leaned away, following her cue in his own chair as he raised his bottle.

"I don't actually…I just…say whatever comes to mind" he replied, taking a small swig of beer.

Kade laughed softly, shaking her head as she polished off the last bit of her own drink. Their moment of peace was quickly interrupted by the sound of the doorbell, ringing through the house.

"It's only been five minutes, there's no way that's them" he remarked.

"It's probably one of the neighbors checking up after hearing her screaming" Kade groaned, setting her glass next to her chair, getting to her feet and heading for the back door.

"Well be sure to tell them that we're not killing our kids…they're doing just fine killing each other"

She shot him an annoyed glare as she walked inside, heading past the kitchen and toward the front door. Kade rubbed her hands over her eyes, clearing away any sign that she had gotten just a little emotional moments earlier. She took a steadying breath as she reached the door, opening it abruptly with the expectation of seeing one of her neighbors. Her expectations were drastically wrong when she laid eyes on the man standing just a few feet away. Kade's breath stopped in her throat and it felt as if her heart shot up to join it. She couldn't move, couldn't speak and couldn't take her eyes off of him. He seemed to bear an extremely concerned expression, raising his hands up innocently as if she had drawn a gun on him.

"Kadence, I know given the circumstance, this is unexpected and maybe a little awkward…but please just let me explain" he pleaded.

When words finally formed over her tongue, it seemed to take forever to just speak his name.

"Simon…"