AN: Again almost 2 months, but it wasn't the plan. Who would have thought that I'd be stuck with schoolwork for most of my time and then my old friend writer's block was hitting me again, but finally I got this finished. It's been written piece by piece over this time period. And fair warning that I have exams until the end of May and then I'll have field works until July, so hopefully I'll get the next one up in May, but if I don't then it's because of school, again.
Anyway, enjoy and don't hate me too much after this one. Also the last part was written by my sleep-deprived brain, so blame it, not me.
And your opinion is still valuable.
Also, thank you for your wonderful, though mixed reviews on last chapter. Now I know if I want to get some opinions, I just have to throw a mix in the balance I had created before.
One thing need to be said once and for all. I will not turn it into Olivia/Fin, but I like the idea of their strong friendship and that will come up now and onwards, but nothing romantic. I promise.
L.
***SVU***
7.20 Fat
It was 2 weeks later, when Olivia returned to work – she had been going crazy at home. Casey came to see her almost every day, so did Fin, Munch and Cragen. The old Captain came to tell her about the transfer in person, he didn't feel like that was a phone conversation, besides he wanted to see if Olivia is as well as she claims to be. Cragen really cared for the female detective, who had been under his command for the past 8 years. So he came over to tell her, that she could be at SVU, but partnered with rookie detective Keller or she could transfer to computer crimes and work solo. Olivia chose computer crimes – she needed a break not only from Elliot, but SVU in general.
So here she was, sitting behind her new desk, covered with monitors and piles of files with instructions on how to work. She has always been interested in computers and since criminals, including child pornographers and such moved to online, they had to stay ahead of them. Olivia thought of it as challenge and opportunity to do even more, when she's not on the field. She never thought about how much they really relied on CSU, computer crimes, ME office and all the other units, they rarely had any personal contact, but now she understands it and even if she'll get back to being detective, she'll now appreciate the other units more.
Though she had to admit, only few hours into the work and she already misses the human contact. She generally loves the solitude, but at times it's nice to talk to people, who get the job and have just casual conversation.
So her day had been filled with reading manuals and tracking some cell-phones and e-mail accounts, but not something like SVU was – the action and thrill, getting to meet the victims and get the truth out of perps. She really missed the personal contact – computer crimes were really impersonal. But then again she doesn't get to see the crime scenes, doesn't have to smell the blood. In general she thinks of it as a break from SVU.
But she could learn to love it.
***SVU***
Elliot had not been asking questions, Cragen informed him, that Benson will be out for a while and Elliot didn't ask. He was certain, that Olivia will be back and she just needed some time away from him, he also needed time away from her and SVU. In general he can't remember the last time either of them took some time off, except few days, usually when the case was hitting too hard or in Elliot's case he needed to tend to his sick kids.
But it's been over 2 weeks since he last saw her, he knew others had been in contact with her, but he was waiting for her to come back, because he did act like a jerk, again, and he doesn't want to push her. And he is giving her time to heal, to deal with everything and knowing Olivia, she'll come back to her, when she's ready.
Elliot even hasn't been in the apartment, he got all the things he might need before she got home from the hospital, and he has been staying with an old buddy and occasionally at his former house he used to share with Kathy. The kids were happy to see him, so was he, but even then he missed Olivia terribly.
This morning instead of going to work, he went to confession, he sat there across the father and just talked.
"Forgive me, Father Fryson," he said, remembering the last time he was there – that was a little before he started with Olivia, "It's been two years since my last confession. Listen my sins."
The father nod and stayed silence.
"I was selfish and disrespectful, I lost my temper," he started listing his crimes, "For these and all of my sins I am truly sorry."
"After two years, that's it?" Father Fryson asked, sensing he was leaving some things out, "Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you?"
"It's like I keep losing people," he said heavily, thinking about the one he might have lost just recently.
"Like your family?" The father prompted.
"My family, my kids, friends," Elliot said heavily.
"You said friends? You mean someone at work?" the Father asked.
Elliot looked down, he glanced at his finger, where there was a ring for so many years and just now he realized, that he wanted to have a ring there once again, but this time a ring binding him and Olivia.
"Yeah, someone at work," Elliot said heavily, remembering the Father's question.
"What about this friend? What happened?" the Father asked.
"I lost it, she was just there and I let my anger get the best of me. Father, she's my partner and she got hurt, I failed to protect her and a little boy, got killed in the result. I said it was her fault, while I just couldn't accept that could have been lost, I was close to losing her for good," Elliot rambled, "I love her, Father. I know marriage is holy, but I think she is the one and I might have just lost her too."
"God tells us to love our friends and enemies. You can't blame anyone else than the person, who committed the crimes," Father reasoned, "I'm sure your friend understands, if you'd just talk to her."
Before Elliot could reply, his pager peeped, indicating a crime.
"Sorry, Father, I gotta go," he apologized.
"Okay, but you should come back. Ego te absolve, in nomine patris, et filii, et spiritus sancti," The Father said.
"Amen," Elliot replied.
"Elliot, for your penance, call your friend and call your family," the good Father said before Elliot stormed off.
***SVU***
He got to the crime scene and looked around for familiar faces, but there was no Olivia, Fin or Munch waiting for him, instead an afro-american male called for him. He was shorter that Elliot was, but much bigger, dressed in a suit with coat to keep him warm in the late March day.
"Stabler!" he called, "You weren't at the house, I thought you clocked out early."
Elliot didn't reply.
"Lucius Blaine, Queens SVU," Blaine introduced himself, "You and me, we're gonna be partners."
Elliot felt like he couldn't be You and me, we're gonna be partners, that sentence hit him like cold shower – where is Olivia? Where are Munch and Fin? Why is he partnered with some Queens SVU detective? This can't be right? Where is Olivia?
He was barely listening, when Ryan talked and then Blaine, but he was just there, listening, watching in the haze. Then saw his way, when a finger was found and he escorted it back to hospital with the victim.
He took an instant dislike for Blaine, when he was interrogating the victim, being the hot tempered detective and felt like he was treating everyone like suspect, not witness or victim like they were. So when they got back to the precinct, Elliot went straight to the Captain.
He stormed inside Cragen's office and closed the door so the blinds shook from the impact.
"Please, come on in and close the door," Cragen said with sarcasm, "What's wrong Elliot?"
"Why'd you land this blowhard on me?" Elliot asked.
"He's a good cop," Cragen said easily, "Queens SVU speaks highly of him."
"Right, that's why they dumped him on us," Elliot grunted, "Where's Benson?" he asked, changing the topic.
"Computer crimes," Cragen said, ending the topic about Olivia, if Olivia hadn't talked to Elliot then she might have her reasons and Cragen was not going to interfere, "You needed a break from each other," he simply said, giving some explanation.
"In whose opinion?" Elliot asked roughly – he and Olivia did not need a break, they needed to work this out, whatever this is.
"Decision's made," Cragen said conclusively, ending the topic and turned to walk away, but Elliot grabbed her hand, stopping the Captain.
"This is not how it ends, we were partners for over 8 years, you gotta give me more than this," Elliot demanded.
"I don't have to tell you anything more than this. Benson is reassigned and you are working with Blaine, but now there is more urgent matter than your partner – we have a case to solve," Cragen said strongly, broke his hand free and walked out of the office, "Bring me up to speed," he said to Blaine, who eagerly started talking about their findings for so long.
Elliot slouched onto his chair, crossing his legs and looking at his new co-worker – her refused to call Blaine his partner, because his partner is Olivia – and listened as he briefed Cragen. He had no motivation to work this case, no intend to be helpful, because he worked the best with Olivia by his side and that's how it's supposed to be.
"You got anything of value you want to add?" Cragen turned to Elliot.
"Just that it was personal," Elliot said easily, continuing with some explanations to support his argument.
Munch helped them out with Jessica's health department card, which sent Blaine and Elliot out to do some surveillance, not that Elliot was much pleased. He was done with babysitting someone.
After, when they were at the ME's office, Melinda briefly asked about Olivia, which meant that Olivia hadn't been in contact with her either, or she failed to tell her that too. Or maybe Melinda asked that just out of politeness to see if he knew. He didn't ask about her intentions, he really didn't care at this point, Elliot had decided to be mad at Olivia for disappearing like that. Well, until she showed herself and perhaps gave him some reason.
***SVU***
The next day they got a witness and Blaine took the lead on the interrogation while Elliot stayed back like he had been doing this whole case. This time he enjoyed it, giving him enough time to think about his own problems and just observe Blaine and he needed that if Blaine was becoming his new co-worker in Manhattan SVU. So he stayed back, crossed his arms and watched.
It went pretty okay, until Blaine started lying, pushing the kid and that's when Elliot had it.
"Detective, outside now," he demanded, when Blaine didn't react, he asked again and this time louder and more demanding.
"What seems to be your problem?" Blaine asked when they were out and the door had closed.
"You!" Elliot shouted, "Questioning a minor without a parent present?"
"Give me a break," Blaine said, ignoring Elliot's accusations.
"Even if you get something in there, we can't use it," Elliot explained.
"Look we can use it to break the brother! They did it, man!" Blane explained, "Look, they brutalized that kid!"
"Right, and when the defense finds out how you got the confession, what?" Elliot asked.
"How they gonna find out, huh? You're gonna back me up," Blaine said as if it was obvious and Elliot's intervention was not needed now, "The words of two detectives against a kid."
"There's no way I'm doing that," Elliot made firmly his stand.
"Don't give me that holier-that-though crap. I know how you work," Blane shot back, accusing Elliot.
"You know nothing about me," Elliot defended himself, getting angry, but he knew he had to get away, so he walked away from Blaine, but he was stopped.
"No wonder your partner dumped you," Blaine accused. He didn't realize it then, but it was wrong thing to say at any time, specially now, to Elliot. Blaine had no idea about the backstory, about the events leading up to this point and the relationship that the two former partners shared.
"What'd you just say me?" Elliot asked, when he turned around.
"You screwed her, and now you're trying to screw me," Blaine elaborated.
In some other situation Elliot might have found that funny, hilarious even, how his relationship was put into one simple sentence You screwed her… Yeah, Elliot did screw her, technically, but he'd prefer the term make love, but there's no way that's what Blaine thought. But it was not funny now, it was serious and crossing the lines, so before Elliot could control himself, his fist collided with Blaine's face.
And then both men were tied, both trying to get the upper hand in this fight, but before they could get to it, the fight was broken off – an officer and Fin came to the rescue, separating the men. Miraculously Cragen appeared just in time, his nerves on the edge.
"That's enough!" he shouted, and pushed Blaine further away from Elliot, "Blaine in my office, now," he said and pushed Blaine, who was willing to leave, towards his office.
"Everybody back to work, fun's over," he shouted to people, who had stopped to stare at the action happening in the squad room, where two detectives decided to start fighting.
People left, continuing with their regular activities, only Elliot stood there and looked at his shirt, which was ripped beyond repair. He moved his tie out of the way and winced – Olivia had bought him that shirt, but now it's in ruins. Now he was really pissed, but he didn't have time to recover, before Cragen stood in front of him.
"What do you got to say, Elliot?" Cragen asked, his tone regular, but firm.
"Either you get rid of him or I quit," Elliot shouted, still pissed.
"You get changed and get in my office," Cragen ordered calmly.
Both men turned their backs to each other and left in different directions. Elliot vaguely heard Fin talking over the phone, something about the fight, but he didn't focus on that. He needed to cool off, so instead he went to the stairs and ran downstairs, then went to the parking lot.
Elliot crouched, his hands on his slightly bent knees, head facing downwards and his breathing becoming rapid, so he let it all out. Hitting Blaine did not have that effect on him, but his words did. Not even for a moment he regretted hitting the other detective, he was even proud of it. No wonder your partner dumped you. Olivia did not dump him – he made it hard to stay, but she did not dump him, because he pretty much told her to leave. And she did. He regrets that. Even though Blaine couldn't see that – couldn't know that – Elliot would never screw over his partner, specially Olivia. Blaine was so wrong.
Slowly his breathing returned to its normal rhythm, his heart rate was slowing down and he felt like he could face Blaine and Cragen now, so he went back upstairs to the locker room. He threw his tie to the back of his locker and unbuttoned the shirt, then throwing it in the same place where his tie had landed before.
Elliot picked dark gray shirt and threw that on, anger still running in his veins, he discovered. His look drifted to the pictures on his locker door and another wave hit him. He turned around not to look at Olivia there and for a moment he thought he was hallucinating – it was Olivia, leaning over the doorframe, looking at him.
"I like that shirt," she said to ease the silence.
"What are you doing here?" Elliot demanded.
"I heard what happened between you and Blaine," Olivia explained easily.
So that's who, Fin was calling – he was calling for Olivia to calm Elliot down.
"What can I tell you? He's a prick," Elliot gave his cold explanation, not a word about his real reasons.
Olivia seemed satisfied with the explanation, she offered him a quick flash of a smile and then turned her look on the floor, vary of what he might say.
Elliot finished buttoning his shirt and walked over to Olivia, standing right in front of her, maybe even invading her personal space. That got her attention enough to look up again.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
She took a moment to compose the answer she had prepared.
"Elliot, we've been partners for seven years. Longer than anybody else here, we needed a change," she said professionally. Elliot's eyes bore into her hard and she continued, "I'm sorry – I should have talked to you."
"It's just…" she tried, but words were lost, "just too complicated," she finished.
Elliot knew that there was more and she was not giving him the whole picture.
"You were just gone," he accused, "I came to the apartment the next day and you weren't there. And then you weren't at work either. And after two weeks on silence, you show up just because I hit some prick. Or was it detective Tutuola's call that got you here?"
"I tried to call you, but you didn't pick up when I needed you, so don't you dare blame me," Olivia said defensively.
"I needed some time!" Elliot shouted.
"And now you have all the time in the world," Olivia said, pissed. She turned around to walk away, but Elliot reacted fast and stopped her.
"We need to talk about us," Elliot said strongly.
"No, we don't," Olivia said, "There is no more us, it was wrong from the first moment and now it's too late to take everything back."
"Don't you dare giving up that easily, the Olivia Benson I knew would never back down from a fight," Elliot almost pleaded.
"Well, you can't always win," Olivia said simply.
"Liv," he said softly.
"I'm sorry Elliot, I can't do this anymore," she said firmly, but turned her look away from him, "Like I said it's just too complicated."
Elliot lifted his hand and cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him. His touch was gentle with his thumb running circles across her cheekbone. She leaned into the touch naturally and closed her eyes, her breathing calm as Elliot's cologne filled her nostrils.
"It's not complicated, Liv, it's easy. I'm sorry for what I did, I know I shouldn't have said some things and left, but I needed some time. I'm sorry for hurting you, but I'm hurting too," he said quietly, "Look, we both chose each other that means that what we've got is worth fighting over, if we choose to run the moment something happens, then we'll regret it for the rest of our lives. I love you Olivia Benson and I can't imagine my life without you. Don't run, stay with me."
"Elliot…" she started, but stopped abruptly.
"Shh… Don't say anything, just stay," Elliot said.
He lowered his forehead to rest against hers, moved his free hand to her hip and inched forward, her body pressed firmly against his. The rational part of Olivia wanted to push him away, but for some reason she couldn't, she just let Elliot invade her senses and act on her emotions. Even though she was still mad at him, she couldn't deny him, because he offered her comfort no one else could, with him she could start healing emotionally.
Elliot broke the contact their foreheads shared, and gently brushed his lips against hers. Olivia responded automatically, her lips opening for him and hands wrapped around his neck, both of them pulling each other closer. It was not rushed, the kiss was slow for once not filled with battle for dominance, and instead they took their time exploring each other again, even though they'd recognize each other without any problems, both having each other memorized deep in their brains.
They broke apart in the need of oxygen, both of them breathing heavily against each other and created some space between them, but the physical contact remained, though Olivia removed her hands from his neck and rested them just below his shoulders.
"You know I love you too," Olivia whispered, feeling the need to break the silence.
"I know," Elliot confirmed and moved his hand from her hip upward, going to her back and running along the spine before reaching the spot where he can pull her tightly against him and locked his hand there.
Elliot took a step forward, backing Olivia against the wall, her lips already apart, willing to accept his lips on hers, and that they did with much more enthusiasm than before. Their lips met halfway, both angling towards each other, eager for the contact.
When Olivia was firmly between the door and him, Elliot removed his hand from her back and instead placed it on her neck, now holding her head in place with both of his and kissed her lips hungrily. Olivia again threw her arms around his neck, running her fingers in his short hair and pressed against him in the tight space she was in.
He let his hands roam, move around from her cheeks to her neck, letting them fall over her shoulders and back up again, while coming to contact with her coat, he furiously tried to push it off her shoulders, but he didn't succeed, so he slipped one around her waist underneath her coat, while his lips moved from her lips to her neck, kissing her there. Olivia threw her head back, exhaling loudly at the sensation and gave him more access in result, she lowered her hands and held them on his back, fisting his shirt as she did so.
Both of them could feel the sensation, knowing what was expected to come next. Olivia could feel the poking on her abdomen and the pool forming between her thighs, and that's when she knew it had to stop.
"Elliot," she said gently.
He didn't reply, instead covered her lips with his once again, kissing her urgently. Olivia had to use some force to place her hands on his chest and shove him, to which he reacted and pulled away lightly.
He looked at her with big eyes full of questions since her reaction was not expected.
"You know we can't, this is wrong," she said as softly as before, "El, we need a break from each other at work and outside work. We both need time to figure things out, because this is not working."
"What do you mean?" He asked, "If you mean me needing some time…"
Olivia stopped her by raising her hand, "I don't mean you needing time. I mean you blaming me for the choices you made, the way you push me away, when you feel like it. We need – I need – a break to figure it out."
Elliot nod, for once he chose not to fight her, but he didn't back away.
"Go face Cragen now, I have to get back too," Olivia said and pushed him further away, so she could leave, and that she did.
Elliot followed her out, but while she headed towards the elevators, he went to Cragen's office. He didn't close the door and just stood there, his hands crossed on her lower back, simply staring at the Captain.
"You got anything to say?" Cragen asked him boldly.
"I've already said it," Elliot replied.
"You're not leaving," Cragen said firmly.
"Is Blane?" Elliot asked.
"He stays and so do you," Cragen said, his tone indicating that there was no room to bargain here and Elliot turned to leave, but Cragen stopped him, "You're running away from yourself," Cragen added, his tone softening.
Both men walked towards each other, stopping at comfort distance, when the topic had suddenly changed.
"What are you talking about?" Elliot asked dumbly.
"You know why I put Blaine with you?" he asked.
"Because you started drinking again?" Elliot asked, Cragen ignored the comment.
"So you know what you're like to work with," Cragen said easily.
"What does that mean? I don't lie to kids," Elliot protected himself, suddenly getting angry – he was not like Blaine, he was nothing like the hot headed detective.
"He bends the rules, so do you," Cragen explained.
"Not with kids," Elliot replied fast, staying true to his statement – he was nothing like Blaine.
"You want me to list every time you've crossed the line?" Cragen asked, Elliot made a face, but didn't say anything, so Cragen continued, "You're a good cop, but god knows how Olivia put up with you for so long, even so she put up with you outside the work."
"Well Olivia's a saint," Elliot said, smiling, while every time Olivia was less than Saint ran in his mind, all the times they had been together and he got to see the devilish badass Benson so many had been only dreamt of, but he got to experience it.
"The kids' mom just left. CSU is on their way over to search the house. Get Blaine and get over there," Cragen said very professionally ordering Elliot back to work. He liked Elliot, he really did, but to be honest he was tired of Elliot acting on his rage and apparently Cragen was also tired of Olivia's-withdrawal-Elliot, because Elliot was not the only one, who missed Olivia.
"Captain," Elliot said through his teeth, about to protest, but Cragen didn't give him the chance.
"You will work this case together, understood?" the Captain said strongly and Elliot left the office, realizing he had no room to argue here.
***SVU***
Elliot and Blaine walked to the computer crimes, listening to some guy, who seemed like a boss, but Elliot was hoping they'd see Olivia there.
"Our latest recruit sweet-talked a subpoena out of a friendly judge," the man talked as he lead them, Elliot felt his heart skip a beat at the word latest recruit, because now he was praying that it's Olivia and his suspicion was confirmed when they reached a desk with multiple computers, where Olivia was sitting, "And then got Jessica's ISP to show us exactly, where the girl went on the web," the man finished and pointed at Olivia.
"Straight to a private website accessible only by password," Olivia continued as she felt two detectives stand behind her.
"The kind of we normally see with Jihadist or child pornographers," the man explained.
Olivia turned around and looked up at Elliot, whose eyes were on her. She felt his hand on the back of her chair, gently brushing against her back, more out of habit. She wanted to lean back into him, she wanted to throw her arms around him and continue what they started before, but it's not the time or place.
" , all the latest ways to vent your hate," Olivia said and opened the website, focusing back on the job and not on him.
"Oh, pet peeves, choose your topic," Blaine said and continued to read all the options on the menu, until he reached fatsos.
"They're a special favorite. Even have a thread about how to get rid of them, including shipping them to Africa to feed them to the starving," Olivia explained and turned her head towards Elliot, but didn't face him as she changed her mind and turned back to the screen.
"What does this have to do with our case?" Elliot asked.
"Follow the thread," Olivia said and opened a thred, "You want another way to get rid of pokers? Kick them into shape," she read from the screen and opened the picture of a youngster kicking other kid on the floor.
"That's the park and the park bench," Elliot said looking at the screen.
"Rudi on the ground. And that..." Blaine continued.
"Jessica's friend Tommy Strahan, taken with Jessica's cell phone," Elliot finished.
Blaine and Elliot exchanged a look, while Elliot pulled out his phone to let their Captain know about the progress.
"Thanks," he said to Olivia after hanging up with Cragen, "We're going to pick up Tommy," he said, turning to Blaine.
Blaine nod and left, Olivia's new boss following him.
Olivia turned her chair to face Elliot, his hand falling from the chair and cutting all physical contact they had.
"So, you meant by break that you need to work my case from another floor?" Elliot asked with a smug smile.
"I can't choose my case, you know that," Olivia said neutrally.
"You say that now, but I know you can't stay away from me," he said in whisper.
"El, I mean it. I need some time off from you," Olivia said in all seriousness.
"I know, and I respect it," Elliot said, losing the smile from his face, "So I guess I won't come by the apartment."
"Where have you been staying?" Olivia asked.
"I have been staying with Kathy, but not the way you think. I'm at Maureen's old room, but I have been crashing here lately too," he said, hoping Olivia wouldn't get the wrong idea.
She simply nod and chose to stay quiet.
"I guess you should go," she said finally, having momentarily forgotten about the job.
Elliot nod, he took a step forward and bent down, so he could drop a gentle kiss on the top of her head, his hand on her shoulder, brushing by, when he moved away from her.
He found Blaine waiting for him in the elevator. Elliot got in and pressed the button. He could see Blaine smirking from the corner of his eyes.
"What?" Elliot asked.
"Nothing, I just didn't know your partner was so hot," Blaine said and wolf-whistled.
Elliot gave him the stare.
"I was not going to ask her out or anything, but I always figured you worked with some old bitter lady, who wanted to bang you or the other way around," Blaine continued.
"Don't you dare even think much less talk about Liv this way," Elliot said through his teeth.
Blaine looked at him first with furrowed brows, but then realization hit him and a smile appeared on his face.
"So you did fuck her, literally. That's what got you so pissed before" Blaine said mischievously.
"Shut up, it's none of your business," Elliot said, trying to stop Blaine from talking.
"Oh, I can't blame you, she does have a fine ass, those full breasts – a body to die for and those brown eyes and sweet lips. Dude, I can't even say anything except good job man. I'd love to bed a beauty like her," Blaine said, making Elliot turn red.
"You'll never mention her again," Elliot ended the discussion, not wanting to talk about Olivia, mainly because he knew exactly what Blaine was talking about – he knew that better than anyone else lately.
To their luck the elevator doors opened and they got out, with intention to get Tommy.
***SVU***
Olivia headed back to work after her check up with the doctor. It had been 4 days since she last saw or heard from Elliot, the time he was working with Blaine, but she had no idea if Blaine was still there or even if the case was closed – Fin and Casey had been busy so she hadn't heard from them either, plus even Computer Crimes kept her busy.
She got into the precinct and accidentally ran into someone, who was running out as she came in. That someone grabbed her shoulders to steady her and stop her from running him down.
"Sorry," she said and looked up, big blue eyes looking back at her, full of questions. Yeah, she'd recognize those eyes from everywhere – Elliot.
"What's the hurry, Benson?" he asked teasingly using her last name.
"I'm late, had an appointment and it went late and now I'm very late," she replied breathlessly, "Sorry, but I have to go."
Elliot nod and released his hold on her, "I won't keep you then," he said, "But I might come see you later."
Olivia raised her brow, silently asking about his intentions.
"We are still working on the Rudi Bixon case and maybe you can help us out again," he clarified.
Olivia nod, "Yeah, I've been monitoring the activity, but there hasn't been anything to go on with, but sure I can share or maybe dig deeper if they don't have anything else for me," she offered.
He nod, so did she and they walked past each other, both continuing their way to their destined locations before they quite literally ran into each other.
Elliot met up with Fin by the car.
"What took you so long?" Fin asked.
"Ran into Olivia," Elliot explained.
"Oh, how's she doing?" Fin asked with concern.
Elliot shrugged his shoulders, "Guess she's okay."
Fin nod, satisfied by the answer, but made a mental note to check up with her sometime later. It was still mere weeks after her hospital stay. He still wasn't sure if Elliot knew about the accident and if they had discussed the topic further.
"Where was she coming at this time?" Fin asked warily.
"Said she had an appointment," Elliot said, now starting to wonder what kind of appointment she had earlier that day. Maybe he should ask her and maybe she'd give him the answer.
"At the doctor's?" Fin asked neutrally, but regretted it the moment he said it.
"I don't know, she didn't say," Elliot replied.
Fin chose to keep his mouth shut for now and turned on the radio to ease the silence in the car and also to make Elliot forget the comment he made, and to his great luck, Elliot seemed to have forgotten it.
They went to get their witness, but she wasn't able to give them anything new, so both detectives were on their way back to the precinct and slouched down at their desks, both turning to their computers and focusing on work.
It was a while later, when only Fin and Elliot were sitting behind their desks, and the bullpen was quiet, when Elliot chose to speak.
"Why'd you think Olivia was at the doctor's?" Elliot asked, catching Fin by a surprise.
"I didn't, I just asked if she was there, because sometimes appointment means seeing a doctor," Fin tried to smooth it over.
"I know, but have you ever heard that Olivia has a doctor's appointment, she avoids staying at hospital or seeing a doctor like plague. Why'd you think she was there?" Elliot argued, trying to get something out of Fin.
"I didn't, I don't. If you want to know, then you should ask Olivia," Fin said and left his desk, partly to escape from Elliot and partly to empty his bladder.
Elliot looked after him – Fin knew something, but refused to tell him. Is Olivia sick or something? Guess Fin's not gonna tell him, so he had to go to the source – Olivia.
Elliot almost jumped up from his desk and got to the elevators, he pressed the right floor and waited. The elevator ride seemed to take forever, but finally it stopped and Elliot got off. He headed towards Olivia's desk, finally reaching it, but he got there just in time to see her starting to leave.
"Leaving already?" he asked, startling her.
"Yeah," she said easily.
"Liv, where were you this morning?" he asked, not seeing any point in small talk.
"I told you, I had an appointment," she said and grabbed a pill bottle from her drawer, throwing it in her bag.
"With who?" he asked.
Olivia turned around and looked at him seriously, "What's your problem?" she asked.
"I'm worried about you. You don't like doctors and now you went to see someone. If there is something wrong, I want to know," he insisted.
"I'm fine," she said.
"Don't lie to me, I know you," he called her out.
Olivia put on her coat and grabbed her bag.
"I had an abortion 3 weeks ago," she blurted out, "And I went to see if I'm healing and if I can get some pain meds. So now you know," she continued and sprinted past him towards the elevators – desperate to escape.
"Olivia," he called after her, but she didn't turn around and he didn't chase her either.
Olivia was pregnant? And aborted it?
Why would she do such thing?
She has always liked kids, but she doesn't want to have one?
Or maybe she just doesn't want his kid?
What if it wasn't his kid?
Or even better yet – why didn't she tell him?
Elliot was pissed, he was angry – he was even beyond angry, he was flaming, but he didn't follow her to live out his rage, he just stood there in shock, frozen in one place. Then he turned around and stormed off to the gym, where he found the boxing bag he had spent so many hours with and the poor bag got once again the best of his anger as he let his anger rage.
***SVU***
Olivia groaned at the sound of someone knocking on her door. She ignored her protesting body and went to open the door, to come face to face with Casey and Fin waiting patiently at the door. They exchanged greetings and Olivia held the door open so the detective and ADA could come in.
"So what brings you here?" Olivia asked, after they had settled on the couch and Fin in the armchair.
"We went to see you at Computer Crimes, but they told that you haven't been to work for the past week and we just wanted to make sure that you're okay," Casey explained.
"And we brought you dinner," Fin added and raised the brown paper bag he had been holding.
Olivia smiled and accepted the bag, finding her regular order inside.
"Thanks," she said.
"So are you okay?" Casey asked.
"Yes," Olivia said and nod, "I've just been tired and I'm technically still on leave, but I'm okay guys."
"That's good," Fin said, "At least someone is doing okay."
Olivia furrowed her brow and looked at Fin, then turned her gaze at Casey for explanation.
"The case is hitting us all hard – it's complicated and apparently I even don't know if I want to win, plus Elliot is not doing good with Blaine, so everybody is suffering from it," Casey said easily.
"You still working the Rudy Bixton case?" Olivia asked.
"Yes," Fin said quickly.
"It's messy and let's discuss something else," Casey said quickly, she had spent half of the day in court and the other half preparing for the next day in court.
"Since you came here, then you should pick the subject," Olivia proposed.
"How are you healing, Liv?" Fin asked.
"I'm okay like I said. Apparently the healing just takes more time than I anticipated," Olivia said, annoyance clear in her voice.
"Think about all the movies you could watch," Fin suggested.
"Or books you could read," Casey added.
All three of them shared a good laugh – neither of them actually knew what free time meant and how to spend it when you suddenly have too much of it.
"Easy for you to say, I've been watching TV and I feel like I've been living under the stone for a long time," Olivia joked.
"Maybe it's a good think you know? You can catch up with how McDreamy is doing and then you can share it with others so we don't actually have to watch it?" Fin replied with a joke, having heard Casey and Olivia discuss McDreamy some time ago.
"McDreamy is being McAss and Meredith has another sister," Olivia answered, she had seen the episode just last night.
"What?" Casey asked and Olivia explained everything that had happened in between and Casey kept on coming up with new questions, but Fin seemed less than enthusiastic about the show, but he kept quiet and let the women get it out of their system. He felt content sitting in the armchair and watching over 2 females he is even too fond of. He often though about himself as the elder brother, whose mission is to keep them safe. While Cragen could take over the role of protective father every guy had to get approval from, Munch is definitely the weird uncle, who drops by when he's the least expected and start discussing some crazy conspiracy theories. It's their little dysfunctional family, which functions well considering everything.
"Fin, do you also watch Grey's Anatomy?" Casey asked, turning her attention to Fin, who had been silently listening to their conversation.
"Every day, baby, every day," Fin said with fake smile.
"Do you even watch TV?" Olivia asked skeptically.
"Of course I do, I enjoy occasional good movie," Fin said, serious this time.
"Liv, you have movies we can watch?" Casey asked suddenly.
Olivia pointed to her DVD collection by the TV and Casey went to examine it.
"You have Departed, I love Leo," Casey said, huge smile playing on her face, "Can we watch it?"
Olivia shrugged her shoulders.
"Fine by me," Fin said, when both women turned to him.
Casey looked like a little child, who had just gotten what she wanted, which caused both detectives feel joy too.
They settled in the room and watched the movie in silent, only occasionally commenting it, the suspense of the outcome keeping them focused on the movie. It was already late, when the movie ended, so Casey and Fin left, Olivia went to sleep.
***SVU***
The streetlamps illuminated otherwise dark room, where Elliot was sleeping. This time he was on the couch of his former home. For some reason he couldn't sleep, the thoughts kept on going around in his mind, most of them included Olivia as the main cause for his sleepless nights and constant frustration. Just earlier, when he closed his eyes, he saw Blaine taking her out and the next thing was getting a wedding invite and now every time he closed his eyes, he saw Blaine with his woman.
Oh yeah, he was pissed at Olivia, angered by her actions, but confused about her reasons at the same time. He wanted to confront her about it, but the same he was scared of the answers he might get from her. He was terrified to be honest.
There was no question about his love for her, but the chances are he couldn't trust her again the way he had trusted her for about 8 years. This could either make them or break them, the only question is will the come out stronger or more fragile than ever before. He wasn't even sure, what he wanted to come of the confrontation, whenever it might be.
Elliot was pulled from his thoughts, when he heard someone quietly entering the kitchen. He recognized the figure in the dim light – Kathy. Elliot decided since he was not going to sleep, he might was well see what's bothering his ex-wife, who so kindly allowed him to crash on the couch.
His steps were quiet, but he knocked on the door to announce his arrival.
"Sorry, didn't want to wake you," Kathy said in whisper.
"I wasn't sleeping," Elliot said with a small smile.
"Oh," Kathy said and continued to drink her water she had come for.
"So, what's keeping you awake?" Elliot asked.
"Thirst," Kathy replied, "You?"
"Too many thoughts," Elliot said simply – Kathy didn't need to know about the details.
She didn't ask about Elliot's personal things, it was none of her business anymore and apparently she didn't want to know about his problems with Olivia anyway.
"Twins are happy, now that you're here," Kathy said changing the subject.
"Yeah, it's good to see them more often," Elliot said with proud smile, "I really missed them."
"I know you did," Kathy acknowledged, "But it's confusing for them too, the divorce hit them the hardest and now you're back… They have questions."
Elliot rubbed his hand over his face.
"I know, I know," he repeated, "I've been looking for apartment, but haven't found anything yet. I don't know what's gonna happen."
"You know you can stay here," Kathy said fast.
Elliot nod, "Don't want to give the twins the wrong idea," he explained.
Kathy nod and placed the glass in the sink, rinsed it and then put it between plates on the drying rack.
"It's just so surreal – we've been divorced almost a year now," Kathy said bitterly.
Elliot nod and took a step closer to his ex-wife.
"Seems like only yesterday you were so nervous to even talk to me," Kathy continued and also took a few steps closer to Elliot.
"So were you," he said mischievously.
Kathy closed the distance almost entirely, their eyes locked and bodies close enough to touch, but not yet.
"We were so young then," Elliot commented.
"You had more hair back then," Kathy said, which caused both of them to chuckle.
"It's like nothing has changed," Elliot said, lost in the memories. He reached out and placed his hands gently on her sides, to which she reacted by wrapping her arms around his waist.
"What's 20-something years and 4 kids anyway," Kathy brought out.
"It's everything," he said in a whisper.
Kathy leaned in, so did he, both lost in the moment and memories of their time together. Even though they fought a lot over the years, there were times, when everything was perfect. Under no circumstances did neither of them regret each other, evidence clear as they stood there in each other embrace, anticipating the moment, when their lips will finally meet.
"El, it's always been you," Kathy said quietly.
He didn't respond, instead smiled and touched his forehead to hers. "I know, we're good together."
Softly, he pressed his lips to hers, but the soft and innocent kiss grew with every moment.
***SVU***
Olivia opened her eyes abruptly and shot to sitting position. She could feel the fast beating of her heart in her ribcage and she was gasping for air. It took her a moment to realize, what happened and that she's not sleeping. Slowly she got her breathing under control and her heart rate was dropping steadily back to normal.
She let herself fall back to bed, but her eyes remained open. She looked at the time 2:44 am, and yawned. Out of habit she took her phone and checked for unanswered calls or new text messages, but there was nothing.
Olivia closed her eyes and tried to fall back to sleep, except she couldn't. She had a feeling like something bad had happened or will happen at any given moment, but she had no idea, when, were or who.
So for no good reason she spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling as if it would give him some answers, yet those didn't seem to come, so she settled for staring outside the window and once again she made a mental note to close the blinds next time, but for now it could stay like that. Though that didn't take away the sudden worry she had inside, something she wanted to figure out and for a moment Elliot was out of her mind.
If only had she known…