Guess you didn't expect this yet, well neither did I, but apparently when I tell my brain to study and think of geophysics, my muse decides now it's time to start thinking of possible ways to go on with this story. And so it happened. Physics for the rescue, add a little geology and you'll get new (temporary) curse word.
Anyway I hope I could get the emotions through, because in my head it's supposed to be heavy on emotions and everything, and I sincerely hope that you'll restore your faith in me now, specially after past 2 chapters...
Enjoy and let me know what you think : ) .
L.
7.21 Webb
It was still early the morning Elliot got to his desk, sat down and turned on his computer. The room was quiet and dim, only Elliot's computer screen lighting the room until he finally turned on his desk lamp. A few sleep deprived detectives walked around him like zombies, most of them waiting for the clock to turn, so they could get home and get some much needed sleep.
Elliot opened the file for a case they had closed some time ago now, but he needed be in court later that afternoon. Absentmindedly he read through the notes and reports he had written, occasionally looking over his screen to where Olivia used to sit, but finding it empty, he turned his attention back to the screen. After careful reading, he opened the crime scene photos and started going through them, until he came across one, where picture was taken of the window perp used to escape, but on the side of the window he caught a glimpse of his partner – correction former partner - examining the window from the side.
He felt anger and rage raising inside of him, but along with them he felt the pain and glimpses of affection he still has for her. The rush of emotions came to him, along with everything finally came guilt and hatred for everything he had done, but also for the things she did. He was mad and pissed at her, but that didn't stop the love he felt every time he thought of Olivia.
That's how Munch found him, when he came in at 8 am.
"You look awfully lonely here," he commented as noticed Elliot.
"Was waiting for you," Elliot said and blinked his eyes rapidly to get back to reality.
Munch came to stand behind Elliot and looked at the screen, he too almost instantly noticed a figure at the side of the picture, even though Elliot closed the window, when he had snapped himself to reality.
"You planning on escape and looking for ways to do it?" Munch asked, deciding not to mention Olivia.
"I have court," Elliot said defensively, momentarily sure that Munch had not seen Olivia on the picture, because Munch doesn't do subtle.
"Everybody misses her, no secret there," Munch said and moved to his desk.
Elliot stayed quiet – he was not in a mood getting caught looking at his ex-girlfriend's pictures. He was not in a mood to talk about her or even hear her name. He was in a mood to work and it was not a place to pour his broken heart.
Soon other detectives started coming in, alongside Fin and Cragen, who politely greeted and made small talk on their arrival, but otherwise the room was quiet, the only sound being the typing on keyboards, when detectives finished their reports and sounds of people going through casefiles or looking desperately for some papers they had buried on their desks.
It was almost time for lunch, when Olivia entered the squad room, but her arrival went at large unnoticed, not that she minded though. She saw Elliot on the phone, writing down something, probably the address for the next crime; Fin was deep in casefile he had opened in front of him and Munch was nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly Elliot stood and froze, when he saw Olivia by the doors. He had to blink twice just to convince him it's really her and not his mind playing tricks.
"Benson," he said coldly his greeting.
"Stabler," Olivia replied as professionally as he did.
"What are you doing here?" Elliot asked while he was putting on his jacket.
"Got something for Fin," she said and held up the papers in her right hand.
Elliot nod and coldly walking by her, a bare whisper of "good seeing you" was audible, when he passed her. Olivia looked after him until he got to the elevator and disappeared from her sight, then took a deep breath and walked to Fin's desk, but the detective didn't register her arrival.
So Olivia dropped the papers on his desk, on top of his open files.
That got Fin's attention and he looked up ready to scream at whoever dared to distract him, but his features softened, when he saw Olivia.
"Liv," he said.
"I got your perp's internet history as you wished. It's pretty colorful to say at least," Olivia said and pointed to the files now on top of Fin's casefile.
"Thanks," Fin was grateful, "But you could've called me, you didn't have to drop them off personally."
"I was in the neighborhood," Olivia said with a smile.
"You live in the neighborhood," Fin commented.
Olivia smiled and tiled her head.
"I guess it would be a good time to go out for lunch. I'll buy," Fin offered.
"It's very tempting, but I got an appointment," Olivia turned him down politely.
Fin nod, understanding exactly who Olivia was seeing.
"So I gotta go, say hi to your partner," she said and headed towards the elevators, but she was stopped.
"Olivia," Cragen called for her.
Olivia turned around and with a smile replied: "Captain."
"You thinking about coming back?" Cragen asked hopefully.
"No, just had a delivery for Fin, that's all," Olivia replied.
Cragen nod, "Your desk is still empty. Stabler has been fighting to keep your desk free," he said and pointed at the desk, where Olivia used to sit.
"I'm not planning on coming back, you know," Olivia said confidently.
The older Captain nod again.
"I'm sorry Captain, I'm in a hurry, so I have to go," Olivia apologized and looked at the time.
"Take care of yourself," Cragen said and she stormed to the elevators.
The Captain looked after her and then turned to Fin.
"Talk some sense into her and make her come back," he said sadly to the detective.
"I think it's up to Stabler to do that," Fin replied.
"Unfortunately yes," Cragen agreed and descended to his office.
***SVU***
They had been working Teddy Winnock's case for a while now and had reached to a point, when their perp, who wasn't really a perp was kidnapped by real perps and they were unable to track their kidnappers and every lead they had, came up as dead end.
"What now?" Fin asked as he and Elliot got back to their car and Fin started driving.
"I don't know. Maybe Morales can make some sense of this," Elliot proposed.
Fin took a turn and stopped at the red light.
"Or we can go to someone else, who is good with computers," Fin suggested.
Elliot rolled his eyes, "We can do without Liv," he said coldly.
"But she'll make it easier," Fin reasoned.
"We don't need her," Elliot argued.
"Man, put your personal feelings aside and think of Teddy for a moment," Fin raised his voice, "I want to bring him back alive and I really don't care about your personal feelings. What's your problem with Liv anyway? It was you, who walked away when she needed you."
"She killed out kid," Elliot shouted.
"What other choice did she have?" Fin asked in Olivia's protection.
"There's always a choice. She has always wanted kids, but maybe she just didn't want them with me and I can't be around her after what she took from me – from us," Elliot said, anger obvious in his voice.
"You don't know the full story, do you?" Fin said, suddenly realizing how wrong Elliot is.
"She was pregnant and now she isn't, what's there to tell," Elliot said.
"Talk to her, because it's not my place to tell, but I promise you it's not that simple," Fin said seriously.
"I don't care. You can go see her, I'm not coming," Elliot said with finality in his voice and Fin decided to drop the subject.
"Fine," Fin said through his teeth and focused on driving.
They got to the precinct, where Fin went to computer crimes and Elliot back to the squad room.
Fin remembered Olivia's desk and found it in no time.
"Hey Liv," he greeted.
"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked.
"Need your help," he said and explained the case, how he needed to know the subscribers to Teddy's webpage so they can find Teddy.
Olivia was eager to help and got him an address in no time.
"You need to talk to Elliot," Fin said after he got what he needed.
"He's pissed at me and he should be," Olivia said coldly.
Fin leaned in closer to make this conversation private.
"He thinks you don't want his kid," Fin explained, "He thinks you aborted the baby."
"Technically it was an abort," Olivia said simply.
Fin shook his head, "Talk to him. You're both hurting and a simple honest conversation can fix it."
"This is not our problem. This just happened, when our relationship was already fragile and nothing can change that. We were already entering out downfall, so please do me a favor and keep yourself out of it," Olivia hissed.
Fin stared at her, finally nod and thanked her for the information, then left. He already had his phone out to call Elliot and pick up their doctor.
They managed to get their doctor away from patient and to precinct, but he refused to give up Teddy's location, so Elliot thought to take a break. When he returned to his desk, Fin was gone, probably tracking down the lead Munch got on their case, but he did find a new folder in his desk. He opened it and saw it was Olivia's file.
His first reaction was to close it – he already knew about Olivia's career and most part he had been there, but then he saw last entry, which said that she was placed of medical leave and then transferred out.
Before he could get to reading it, he noticed Morales sulking behind computer, so he closed the file and placed it in his drawer, but he did notice, that Olivia had 2 weeks left on her leave. Elliot managed to get Morales stop sulking and leave.
Fin's desk phone began to ring, but the detective was not there, so Elliot went to the phone and picked it up.
"Stabler," he said.
"Elliot, it's me. I've got something," Olivia said, surprise obvious in her voice.
"I'll be right there," Elliot said and hang up.
He went to see Olivia instantly, finding her desk empty, but after seeing him, Olivia dropped the conversation with another detective and came to Elliot.
"Pulled Dr. Lucas' cell phone records," she explained, sat down and opened the right screen, "Here's a log of all his calls and text messages."
"Without a warrant?" Elliot asked, teasing even.
"I didn't think you'd want me to wait," she explained.
"What'd you get?" Elliot asked and leaned over to look at the screen, but he kept his distance enough to keep his focus on the case and not Olivia's perfume invading his nostrils.
"Lucas sent a text message yesterday morning at 9:15 to somebody with a screen name Goodfriend22," she said and read the text message.
"Who's this Goodfriend22?" Elliot asked.
Olivia explained how Goodfriend22 was another subscriber, but the phone was disposable cell and no way to track it down. But she also made it clear, that their Dr. Lucas has met this Goodfriend22 and he could give the information to get their perp.
Elliot knew that their doctor wasn't talking, but then he had an idea how to solve 2 things at once, "Look you know what you need, you want to take a crack at him?" he asked.
Olivia looked at him with wide eyes and then nod.
"Fine, let's do this," she said and got up from her seat.
Elliot grabbed her coat for her and helped her put it on.
The drive was quiet to their perp, other than Elliot giving her vocal summary of the case and interrogations, so she'd know what to expect and how to act.
They got to the right floor and walked past Elliot's desk.
"I wasn't planning on coming back," she said and pointed to her empty desk.
"It's in your blood," Elliot replied, but regretted it the moment the words were out. He was about to apologize, but Olivia stopped her.
"That's the problem," she said simply, ignoring the heavier content in Elliot's words.
They got to the observation room and saw that Morales was "interrogating" Dr. Lucas, but his style was much more violent than detectives were used to.
Elliot stormed in and pulled Morales, while Olivia stayed by the door. Morales stopped in front of Olivia, waiting for the female detective to spoke up.
"Hey get out of here," Olivia said firmly.
"Olivia, I can explain," he tried.
"I don't want to hear it. Get out," Olivia said again and pointed to the exit.
"Are you gonna turn me in?" Morales asked, when he saw there was no chance of explaining.
"If I don't, he will," Olivia said roughly, "Go," she ordered once more.
Then Olivia took a seat and started asking about Goodfriend22, but even she failed to get information out of their doctor and even showing the video was not enough, so they had to let him go.
Once out of the interrogation room, Olivia was about to leave the observation room, but suddenly bolted back when Elliot and Dr. Lucas passed her. Elliot led their doctor to Fin, who had returned and closed the door, so he could have a moment with Olivia. She was looking at the interrogation room with her back to Elliot. At this moment all of his anger and hate seemed to be gone, instead it was replaced with sudden urge to pull her to him and just hold her there.
"You did your best," he said, but she didn't reply.
"Look, we'll get Teddy and your input is highly valuable," he continued and stepped closer.
It was only then he realized, that Olivia was shaking visibly, instantly he closed the distance, so he was standing behind her. "Liv?" he asked and placed his hand gently on her shoulder, "What's wrong?" he asked.
Olivia shook her head.
"Come on, it's me," he said gently and moved his other hand around her waist, awkwardly hugging her from behind.
Olivia didn't welcome him like he thought she would, but she did turn herself around and exposed her face, where tears had fallen down. Elliot gently wiped away her tears, moved his hand to the back of her head and pressed it against his shoulder. Olivia tried to pull away for a few seconds, before she calmed down and let herself seek comfort in Elliot's embrace. His hands were running circles on her back, while she gripped onto him for her life dear life.
After a moment he could feel her calming down and her tears stopped soaking into his shirt.
"Shh, you're okay," he kept on repeating in whisper.
Suddenly her grip on him weakened and she created space between them, unwillingly he let her walk out of his arms. In fast motions she wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and looked down.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Elliot asked softly and put his hand under her jaw, forcing her face up. He could see clearly that something was bothering her, pain was visible in her brown orbs.
Olivia only shook her head, "Go follow Dr. Lucas, see if he goes to web café, I'll get back and see what he does, if he gets online," she said, changing the topic and before Elliot could get a chance to say something he was out of the observation room and away from his reach.
"Fin, let's go see what our doctor is up to, Liv is monitoring his web activity," Elliot said as he returned to the squad room and saw Fin sitting behind his desk.
"Yeah, he just left," Fin said and grabbed his jacket.
Elliot went to his desk to look for Olivia's file in his drawer, but he was surprised to discover it gone. With confusion he looked around and then searched his drawer, Fin standing behind him, waiting.
"Looking for something?" Fin asked.
"No, nothing. Let's go before he gets away," Elliot said, grabbed his coat and car keys.
Doctor Lucas indeed went to internet café, but with Fin and Elliot waiting outside and Olivia tracking his activity, they got Goodfriend22's address. Elliot and Fin got there in time to save Teddy and get him to hospital, the boy was physically unharmed or at least it seemed like that, though from the looks he wouldn't be for much longer.
Elliot let Fin deal with booking, so he could leave. Fin was happy to do that, because he had a feeling he knew, where Elliot was hurrying off to. So after Teddy was taken to a hospital, Elliot took off and drove to Olivia's apartment building. To his surprise the light was on, which meant Olivia was at home.
He got out of the car and debated on calling her or just going upstairs. He chose against calling and let himself in her stairway, he climbed to her floor, but stopped by the door. Yes, he had a key to her apartment, but it didn't seem suitable to use it, since it might look like he is barging in while he's still not sure if she wants him there or not.
Waiting by the door, he finds himself questioning his own motives, and he isn't sure if he wants to be here, not while there are so many mixed emotions inside of him – on the one side it's love and passion he has always felt for her, but on the other side he can feel the anger for her actions and despise for her. Torn between his own feelings, all he knew was that she owns him an explanation and that's why he's here. He wants to know what happened and why she did, what she did and he is almost certain, that no matter what happened, he want to be there to deal with the aftermath.
So he raised his hand and knocked on her door.
"It's me," he said loudly enough for her to hear.
He wasn't sure if she'd open the door, but he didn't have long to wonder, because he heard the footsteps and door opening.
"Hey," he said with a small smile.
Olivia didn't reply, instead she opened the door wide and he took it as invitation to come in. He closed the door behind him and out of habit took his coat off and placed it beside hers on the rack.
"Did you get the guy?" Olivia asked.
"Yeah, thanks to you," he replied.
Olivia took a seat on the couch and Elliot came to sit beside her.
"Look, I'm sorry about before…" Olivia started, but Elliot covered her mouth with his hand.
"Don't apologize, just tell me what's wrong" he begged and let his hand fall from her mouth to her thigh.
Olivia shook her head and then Elliot remembered what Fin had told him before in the car.
"Liv, please tell me what happened after Gitano," Elliot tried again.
Olivia turned her head towards him, "It's nothing to tell. You know what happened," Olivia tried to end the conversation.
"It was my kid to, I have the right to know," Elliot said strongly, his voice louder than he intended.
Olivia now turned her full body towards him and took his hands in hers.
"Trust me, the details won't make it better. Elliot, there is nothing to tell, they terminated the pregnancy," Olivia said seriously, her voice on the edge of cracking.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, "About the pregnancy. Did you know?" he elaborated.
"I knew for few weeks," Olivia confessed, Elliot frowned visibly, "I wanted to tell you, but there was never a right time…"
"You knew for weeks and you didn't tell me?" he asked in disbelief, "Any other secrets you might wanna share?" he asked in anger and removed his hands from hers.
"Elliot, you were pulling away, always so angry and at distance. I had a feeling you wanted to end this and I couldn't force you into this because I was pregnant, that's why I kept it from you," Olivia said loudly.
"How thoughtful," Elliot said and stood up. He turned his back to Olivia and ran his hands over his face.
"I'm sorry, El," she said weakly.
"Didn't you want a kid? Or was there something wrong with mine?" Elliot asked bitterly.
When Olivia didn't reply he turned around and kneeled in front of her. He placed both of his hands on her thighs and looked up. Olivia could see for the first time his teary eyes, he looked so fragile, broken even. It's something Olivia hadn't seen before.
"It wasn't my choice," she said, feeling tears coming to her eyes, "I'm so sorry Elliot, please believe me, I didn't have a choice."
She leaned forward and ran his fingers through his short hair, scooted more to the edge of the couch and gently pushed his head to her chest like he did before in the observation room.
"You keep telling me you didn't have a choice, so tell me what happened," Elliot asked and lifted his head from her chest.
"Please, Elliot, not now," she begged him to stop, no she couldn't go through it again, even if it only meant talking about it.
"Okay, but you will tell me everything," Elliot demanded.
He could only feel Olivia nodding against him.
"Liv, are you okay, physically?" he asked suddenly.
"Yeah, yeah, physically I'm okay," she assured him.
Elliot felt his knees getting painful, so he pulled away from her and took a seat beside her on the couch.
"I don't know what to do, tell me how I can make it better," she asked.
"Come here," he said and held his arms wide.
Olivia climbed to his lap, throwing her arms around his neck and buried her head in the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, his jaw falling to her shoulder so he managed to kiss the side of her head, where his lips lingered longer than he planned.
"El, while I love being in your embrace, it's about you now," Olivia said softly, she was no longer crying and neither was he.
"I just want you. You are what I need. You right here in my arms, it's what makes it better, so just stay. Just be here. Please don't go away," he begged.
"I'm here," she whispered and kept on repeating it.
Elliot turned his head, the sudden movement causing Olivia to move hers, so their eyes could meet. He leaned in, so did she and their lips met halfway, the kiss lacking their usual passion and urgency, instead it was filled with need and sorrow, it was even desperate.
After breaking apart her head fell back on his shoulder.
"I'm so exhausted," she whispered.
"Me too," Elliot said, "Let's get some sleep," he added, Olivia's response was to nod.
She got up from his lap, Elliot following suit and taking her hand in his and pulling her back in his embrace as he suddenly missed the warmth her body provided, Olivia accepted his need for contact willingly.
Elliot lifted her up, Olivia wrapping her legs around his waist like she had done so many times before, and carried her to the bedroom. Carefully he placed her on the bed and moved around to the other side of bed.
Olivia found Elliot's shirt she had been sleeping in on top of her pillow and changed, but she made sure to keep her back towards Elliot, even though she was sure he was not looking. She was not mistaken, because Elliot was busy undressing himself, leaving only his boxers on and then climbed to the bed, where Olivia was already waiting.
He moved himself under the covers until he came in contact with her. Instantly he wrapped his arm around her, intertwining their fingers over her abdomen, but she shoved it away instantly. She turned herself towards him to apologize, but it felt like she already had apologized enough for one day. Elliot rolled over to his back, and the only thing Olivia could think of doing was snuggling to him and that she did. Her head found his chest and their bodies became as one in the middle of the bed, when he wrapped his arms protectively around her.
"I don't ever wanna be anywhere, but in your arms," she said.
"You're the only one I want to be holding," he said and kissed the top of her head, "I love you, Olivia."
"Love you too, Elliot," she replied groggily.
Even though it had been hard and he's still dealing with the fact that he just lost a child, for some reason he found himself at ease, because the most precious thing in his life is right there by his side specially when he came close to throwing it away and going back to familiar and easy, instead of fighting for relationship with much bigger bumps along the way. But he can focus on things in front of him, in his touch and in his arms.
"El, it's always been you," Kathy said quietly.
He didn't respond, instead smiled and touched his forehead to hers. "I know, we're good together."
Softly, he pressed his lips to hers, but the soft and innocent kiss grew with every moment. Before either of them could realize, they were moving towards the couch, Kathy undoing his shirt buttons and Elliot working on getting her shirt over her head.
With his eyes closed he reached for her hair, but to his great surprise instead of grabbing short brown hair, he was met with long blonde.
Elliot stopped abruptly and took a step back as if he had been burnt.
"What's wrong El?" Kathy asked suddenly.
"It's wrong. We shouldn't be doing this," he said confidently.
Kathy looked at him with raised eyebrow and moved closed, to which Elliot responded by stepping back and putting his hands up to stop his ex-wife.
"A moment ago you were into this, what happened?" Kathy asked.
Elliot shook his head, "I'm sorry Kathy, I can't," he apologized and reached for his jacket he had thrown on the couch before.
"It's her, isn't it?" Kathy asked bitterly, she took Elliot's silence as his agreement, "The woman took you in, used you and threw you out, and even now as you are in your home she's in your head. Here I thought we can get back to fixing this family, at least give another try for the kids, but no, that woman is so deep in your head. Don't you see it, she's no good for you. She's no good to any of us."
"Don't talk about her like this," Elliot said through his teeth.
"Protect her, protect the woman, who ruined her. You know, she was always like 3rd wheel in our marriage. Whenever there was something you turned to her and now that she's thrown you out, you want this back. Stabler, this is done, I can't take you and your Liv anymore. Go to her, go to your bastard child," Kathy shouted, but it was visible that she was on the edge of crying.
Elliot focused on his breathing and tried to calm down, "You have no idea, what you're talking about."
Kathy shook her head, took Elliot's jacket and violently threw it at him.
"Go, get out of my house," Kathy ordered through tears, "But know that you can have normal relationship once you've erased your bimbo."
Elliot turned around and walked out of the house he used to call home before he'll do something stupid.
He got into his car and drove absentmindedly, mainly to get away from Kathy. He didn't realize, where he was going until he realized, that he was in front of Olivia's house.
Elliot stopped the car at his usual parking place, where he could see her window so clearly. He had no control over himself, when he got out of the car and into the stairway, he only realized what he was doing when he found himself staring at her door. He knocked quietly, but regretted that instantly, because he didn't want to wake her, he didn't know what to say – all he knew was that he wanted to be close to her at this moment and this hallway was the closest.
He slid down against the wall and just sat there by her door, memories of the two of them vivid in his mind. Oh, what he'd give to get back to the moment, when everything was okay between him and Olivia.
He must have fallen asleep, because when he woke hours later, it was to the sound of Olivia's whimpers. It took him a moment to realize where he was and what's happening, but the sudden movement on his right side made that very clear. Once again Olivia had rolled away from him during the night, but that didn't concern him, what concerned him was her dream.
She opened her mouth, but he couldn't understand what she was saying, though he did understand, that her dreams were not pleasant.
"Liv," he said gently and shook her shoulder, but she didn't respond. So he rolled her over and pulled her back into his arms. He ran soothing circles on her back until he finally felt her relaxing again. "Elliot," she said out loud.
Even though she was sleeping, he still responded, "I'm here, honey, right here. And I'm not going anywhere. Just sleep."
Olivia made an attempt to roll back to her side, but he kept her firmly against his chest, to which she snuggled so he could relax. Closing his own eyes again, sleep was not hard to find, but unlike most of the nights he spent at the precinct or at Kathy's, this time his dreams promised to be dreamless, because the person he used to dream about is now here.
***SVU***
Elliot woke up alone the next morning, but he was greeted with a message on the nightstand, in which Olivia explained that she had to go in early, apparently she had some things she needed to take care of.
So he got dressed, had a cup of coffee and went to work himself. Munch and Fin were already there, both pleased to see Elliot much calmer than he had been before. They cornered Elliot leaning on his table on both sides.
"How's Liv?" Fin asked casually.
"She's doing okay," Elliot replied easily.
Fin and Munch exchanged a look.
"So we're done with this grumpy Stabler?" Munch deadpanned.
Elliot looked at him, but before he could say anything, Cragen stopped them.
"Hospital just called, Teddy is awake," Cragen announced.
"I'm going," Elliot replied and pushed his chair back, got up and left the squad room.
Cragen looked at Fin and Munch with questions in his mind, then made a gesture with his hands, demanding answers.
"Just curious about Stabler's actions, that's all," Fin explained.
"Yeah, Captain, we were just wondering what happened after he stormed off and left Fin to deal with the perp," Munch added.
"And?" Cragen asked with a hint of smile.
Munch raised his eyebrows, "Looks like your little stunt with Liv's file paid off," he said smartly.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Cragen said and did his best to look innocent, but he knew he was caught, because it was him who left Olivia's file on Elliot's desk to discover. The Captain had grown worried, when Elliot seemed to be pissed at Olivia and he had managed to overhear Munch, Fin and Casey discussing their situation earlier that day. So he thought maybe Elliot needs some enlightening and looks like that's what he got.
"Get back to work," Cragen instructed, "Oh, and I thought you might want to know, but I have detective coming in soon and I have a feeling like she'll be working with you in no time, so be prepared."
"You're getting Stabler a new partner?" Fin asked.
"She'll hopefully be his new partner, but she also happens to be his old partner. Don't scare her, when she comes in," Cragen said with a smile and returned to his office, but he could feel the smile gracing Fin's and Munch's face, because they knew exactly, who was coming in.
Right on clock, there was a soft knock on Cragen's door.
"Come in," he called and the door opened, revealing no other than Olivia herself.
"I believe you were expecting me," Olivia said, closing the door behind her and taking a seat on the familiar chair.
"I was. So what brings you here?" Cragen asked.
Olivia chuckled, "I'd like to get my old job back," she requested, "I'm cleared with Computer Crimes, they're okay and my official request has been handed in, now it's up to you if you're willing to have me here."
"I have been thinking about adding another detective to the squad and there are many candidates, but you have already experience in the field, we all know you work together well with others in this squad. So I'd say you're a strong candidate," Cragen spoke.
"I'm sensing a but there," Olivia said, while she did her best to read Cragen's face about what to expect. Suddenly she was scared that Cragen will turn her down and wave of panic hit her, but she managed to hide it.
"You can come back on one condition – you'll stay home for the rest of your medical leave. I don't want to see you back here in 2 weeks, at least. You're welcome to take more time, because I will not tolerate such behavior in my squad," Cragen said seriously.
"I'm fine Captain, I was cleared a few days back," Olivia argued.
"My squad, my rules," Cragen said seriously, having expected Olivia's protest in the first place, "You had serious abdominal surgery mere month ago, you will need time to heal and this is not computer crimes, this is chasing perps and staying out for unknown period of time. You need to heal and from what I know, you need to get through the emotional aspect of your trauma. So take the weeks, rest and deal with it, because when you do come back, you'll talk to Huang and if he says you're not fine, then you'll take more time off."
Olivia's protest died, when she saw that Cragen was sure and there was no way in changing his mind. Reluctantly Oliva nod – she could take those 2 weeks off and try to figure things out, especially now that Elliot seemed to be back.
"Dismissed," Cragen said, he looked through the window to squad room and saw that Elliot was back from the hospital and now was putting away files on their case.
He stood up and led Olivia through the door.
"It was a tough decision, Olivia, but you did the right thing," he said on the doorway, her name catching Elliot's attention.
"Thank you Captain," Olivia said easily.
"Now go home and remember, what we talked about," Cragen said quietly.
Olivia nod and took a step forward to meet Elliot.
"So you did it?" he asked and walked back towards his desk, Olivia following him.
"I did," she confirmed.
"Why?" he asked and looked at her for a quick second, wanting to know about her reasons for such action.
"I didn't have a choice," Olivia said naturally – she thought it's what Elliot wants, it's what best for them. Briefly she flashed back to last night, when she kept on repeating the same sentence to him so many times.
"There are always choices," Elliot said, just like last night, "Morales is a good man," he added, deciding not to skip to last night.
Olivia was quiet for a moment, surprised by his accusations and thoughts of what she did, "You think I ratted him out?" Olivia asked finally.
Elliot turned around to look at her, and the surprise in her face was enough to confirm, that she even didn't think about ratting their TARU guy out.
"No, no. I know that's not your style," Elliot said, suddenly feeling dumb for even thinking that.
"Thanks," Olivia said and walked past him to her old desk.
Elliot followed her with his eyes, curiosity getting the best of him, "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I work here," she said with a smile and dropped her back on the desk.
Elliot looked at her dumbly, when she sat down and looked over drawers – everything was just like when she left it.
"You're back?" he asked.
Olivia nod.
"Are you okay with me coming back? I know we still have our own issues," Olivia asked, suddenly not so sure if coming back is the right call.
Elliot shook himself out of the trance and came across to her. Olivia instantly stood up ready to take it, but then Elliot's face broke into smiles and he wrapped his arms around her middle, lifting her from the ground due to their height difference. She had a wide smile on her face, when she accepted the contact and her arms were around his neck. His mouth found her neck and he kissed the exposed skin he could reach.
"I'm so glad to get you back," he said to her ear.
"Me too," she replied, "Now you need to let me go, because we're at work and PDA, remember?"
Elliot put her to ground and stepped back as she requested. Fin and Munch had looked the exchange from the distance, but came to them, when they were sure not to interrupt anything. Both Olivia and Elliot leaned on their tables, when they noticed others heading towards them.
"So you only came to visit Stabler or you're here for us too?" Munch asked.
"She's back at SVU," Elliot announced with joy before Olivia could do it.
"You're back, like back for good?" Munch asked in surprise.
"Yeah, guess Computer Crimes was not for me," Olivia said with a nod.
Fin came to Olivia and hugged her, "So good to have you back, baby girl," he whispered.
"I missed you too," Olivia replied earnestly.
Fin released Olivia and was met with Elliot's stare, but he chose to ignore it.
"So glad that you're back, the squad was not same without you," Munch said and also gave Olivia a hug.
"Thanks, John," Olivia said, "Have you got our History rapist in the mean time?" she asked, remembering the last case they had.
All three detectives shook their heads, "But he hasn't raped more," Fin said.
"Then we have a lot of work to do," Olivia said with heavy sigh.
Cragen came to them and stood between Fin and Elliot, looking seriously at Olivia.
"I'm on my way," Olivia said fast.
All men looked at Cragen, "Olivia can come back, if she takes the rest of her medical leave off, which means you won't be seeing her here for 2 weeks," he explained.
Both Munch and Fin mumbled, giving their approval to Cragen's choice. Munch took Olivia's bag from the desk and handed it to her. "Go, rest and come back, when you're ready," he said softly.
Olivia pushed herself off the table she was leaning on and said her goodbyes to her co-workers, Elliot followed her to the elevators.
"I'll see you tonight?" he asked, suddenly not so sure if she wanted to see him.
Olivia nod, and whispered her affirmative answer, "Come by after work, use your key," she instructed.
"I will," he said and leaned over to kiss her forehead, before she stepped off to the elevator and disappeared from his sight.
***SVU***
The night Elliot got back with his gym bag full of his things he had moved out over a month ago, but he felt like he might be given permission to bring it back, so he started small with some things he might need in few days. He decided to take it slow.
The apartment was dark, which led to conclusion that Olivia was asleep. He dropped the bag in the living room, then moved to the bedroom, to see Olivia under the sheets. Elliot smiled at the sight and quietly moved to the bathroom to brush his teeth, then he tried to move around the bedroom as quietly as he could, so he wouldn't wake her.
"I'm not asleep," she said, startling him.
"You nearly gave me a heart attack," he accused.
Olivia didn't reply, but she turned to her back on the bed.
Elliot quickly removed his clothes and got in bed with her. He dropped a gentle kiss to her lips and placed his head on her chest.
"How are you today?" he asked the question he didn't dare to ask at the precinct in front of everyone.
"Better now," she said with a smile
"Good," he mumbled and raised his head to see if she's lying, but her response seemed to be earnest, so he leaned in and kissed her again, but when he was about to pull away, Olivia placed his hand on the back of his head to keep him there.
He did pull away and supported himself on his hands, looking deep into her eyes.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
Olivia nod and raised her head to meet his lips again.
Elliot wrapped his hands around her and rolled them over, so she ended up on top of him. He wasn't sure how much weight she can take, and letting her be on top, gave her a chance to control everything.
His hands wandered over her back until finally his right hand came across a scar on her left side of neck. She flinched away from him, his hand fell from her neck in the process, and tried to control her breathing, "El," she whispered.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," he started.
Olivia brushed his apology off, and took his hand, guided it to her neck and covered it with hers, then continued to kiss him, silently telling him not to worry as she removed her own hand, but his stayed securely on her neck. And he didn't worry anymore, instead he focused on kissing her, having her there with him.
Familiar tugging of his shoulder made him roll them over again, his tongue slipped into her mouth, where hers welcomed him, while her hands were toying with the waistband of his boxers, calmly pushing them down, and Elliot helped getting them off entirely, letting his hardened length brush against her thighs. He took off her shorts she used for sleeping and moved to the hem of her t-shirt, but she froze and slapped his hand away.
Elliot got to sitting position and she did the same. He tried to get the shirt off once more, but she stopped him again.
"I love you Liv, nothing will ever change that," he whispered gently and placed a kiss on the corner off her mouth, then moved to the hem again, this time managing to take her shirt off without any protest from her. He wrapped his arm around her and slowly laid her down again, Elliot himself staying on top of her and his lips found hers once more. He carefully moved his hand downwards, finally reaching the spot she wanted to be touched and that he did.
His mouth found her neck and he started sucking the skin there, while his fingers were gently rubbing her clit, to which she reacted by gently moaning. He kept on teasing her, and she repaid the favor by gently running her hand up and down on his member. When he couldn't take her tease anymore, he entered his fingers, while hers fell to the sheets, gripping it tightly, then moving to his back and holding him tight against her. It didn't take him long before she was coming undone with a sound of his name falling from her lips and her body shuttering before becoming completely still.
"I love you," she said between heavy breaths.
He smiled against her skin and moved his hands upwards, touching her vertical scar just below her abdomen.
"Elliot," she warned.
He retreated his fingers, letting them crawl upwards until he came to contact with her breasts. He rubbed them gently, the way she always liked.
He took a moment to work her body, make it come alive once again, when he felt she was ready, he situated himself over her, but before he could enter, she put her hands firmly on his chest and called out his name in all seriousness.
"What is it?" he asked, concern all over his face.
"Condom," Olivia said and turned her head toward the nightstand, but he already knew that that's where the condoms are.
He rolled away and opened the top drawer, where he found a box of condoms. Elliot grabbed the first one, peeled the wrapper open and put the condom on, then resumed the position on top of her once again.
He noticed how Olivia's eyes were not on him, but instead on the wall beside him.
"Everything okay?" he asked and raised his eyebrow.
She nod.
"I'm serious Liv, we don't have to if you're not ready," he said, selfishly hoping she wouldn't stop him now.
"I want it," she said and turned to him, she grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss. The heat and the almost painful throbbing were all he needed to finally enter her. Both of them moaned loudly and broke the kiss. Elliot gave her a moment, before he started moving slowly in and out, while his head fell to the pillow right next to Olivia's.
It didn't take long before he felt like he was ready to come, so he picked up the pace a little, "Liv, with me?" he asked in hoarse voice.
Olivia didn't respond, instead he could feel her body shaking lightly, and he took that as an indication that she was already on the edge. And he was quick to follow her, her name coming from his lips in a whisper.
He collapsed on top of her, out of breath. She was still shaking underneath him, so he pushed himself up on her elbows and looked at her. The sight that opened caused him to pull out and flinch from her, so he was sitting on the edge of the bed.
Olivia was crying.
He recovered from the shock utterly fast, "What's wrong?" he asked in all seriousness, "Did I hurt you?"
Olivia shook her head violently, "It's just… I can't…" she tried, but words failed her.
Elliot slowly got down on his side, looking over at her; then he wrapped his arm around her, and tugged, which made her turn over and roll to her side, so she could bury her head in his chest.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and tried to soothe her by rubbing circles on her back.
"Not your fault, I don't know what's wrong with me," Olivia sobbed.
"It's okay, just deep breaths and let it all out," he instructed, while mentally cursing himself for going this far. He should have known better to keep the physical part of their relationship on hold for a while.
"You didn't hurt me, it's not you – it's me, El, only me," she said as if she was reading his mind, "Just reminded me of…" and she didn't need to finish the sentence, because Elliot already knew.
Her sobs were quieting down and he let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding.
"Do you want me to leave?" he asked out of blue.
"No," her reply was fast, but confident.
"Has it happened before?" Elliot asked, changing the topic, "You not coming I mean."
Olivia rolled away from him and pulled the blankets over her.
"Yes," she replied, not seeing point in lying.
"With me?" he asked.
"No," she said after a moment of thinking.
Elliot suddenly had pictures of her with another men doing what they just did, in his mind, but he snapped out of it – it's not something he'd like to imagine.
"Apparently I can fake it well enough not to get caught," she said fast, foreseeing his next question.
"Don't fake with me," he requested.
Olivia nod.
"And don't shut me out, whatever it is, I wanna be there for every step, just let me in and we'll get through everything together. We always have, even long before we got together, we've always been there for each other and now is not the right time to shut each other out," he said.
"I'm not planning to," she said neutrally.
"Liv, everybody knows you prefer to run from your problems and bury yourself in work, but you don't have to, and I don't want you to. Call me out, when I go too far and push me, when I stay too distant. I just don't know how to approach you, but I want to be able to," he continued, hoping he'll get through to her.
"Okay," she said simply, "I'll do my best to let you in."
"That's all I want," he was relieved.
"But now I wanna sleep," she announced.
Elliot chuckled and pulled the blanket to cover himself, while she turned to her side facing away from him. In his mind he made a promise to give Olivia a baby, no matter what it takes.