AN: I promised an update in September, but I didn't think it would be that late. Happened that after I got back from my 2 weeks of field work, everybody suddenly wanted something from me and they barely left me time to breathe. Unfortunately it doesn't look like things will calm down any time soon either - I still have my master's thesis to write.
Anyway I hope you'll be satisfied with this, I had so many ideas and this is probably the most rewritten chapter of this story so far. I hope I managed to create the best outcome from it all.
And I loved the first episode of the season, also excited to see Chicago PD next week - if you're not watching, I'd recommend it.
Enjoy the fall - I know I am at least..
L.
***SVU***
8.07 Underbelly
Olivia groaned, rolled over, but made no move to get up. She had gotten used to the fact, that she can sleep in and for the moment has no duties. It's like a vacation she hasn't had in a long time. It felt good to get up whenever she liked and go to bed at odd hours and of course she doesn't have to leave the warmth the covers offer, instead she can stay in bed as long as she likes.
The ringing of her phone got her alert and she reached over to the bedside table, where her phone was located.
"Benson," she said automatically.
"It's Dean," her FBI case agent said, "What the hell was your partner thinking?" he barked.
"What?" Olivia asked, she was clueless.
"Detective Stabler was in Oregon mere days ago looking for you," Dean explained, "And in the process he punched T-Bone, who is threatening to press charges."
Olivia took a moment and rubbed her eyes to make sure she is still awake.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea," Olivia said sincerely.
"Local Sheriff is trying to talk T-Bone out of pressing charges, but he's not that willing. Besides they're worried that NYPD detective got to you and they're demanding for your release," Dean continued.
"Shit," Olivia swore.
"Exactly," Dean agreed, "Now we have a problem."
"I can't go back. You have your eco-terrorists and my liaison with the Bureau is over," Olivia said and got into sitting position.
"I'll try to coordinate, but it won't be easy, seems like you have to come back or your partner gets slapped with assault charges," Dean gave her options.
"I believe in you," Olivia encouraged.
"I'm not a miracle worker, but I'll try. But for this you owe me a dinner," Dean said.
"That I do," Olivia agreed.
"I'll call you, when I have something," Dean said.
"Take care," Olivia said before hanging up.
Her phone dropped on the blanket by her side and she buried her face in her hands. Guess that ends the vacation – she'll have to go in today and talk to Elliot.
She got up and headed to the shower.
There were questions hanging over her head – why had Elliot punched T-Bone? Why was he at Oregon in the first place? Olivia vaguely remembered Casey asking her about Elliot, maybe Elliot was there to track her down? After all Casey's case depended on her.
But why had he punched T-Bone?
Guess there's just one answer. Even though Elliot has tendency to lash out at people, he usually has a reason – they're either their perps or it's personal. If he had met T-Bone, then T-Bone might have slipped about that damn kiss they shared just before she got back.
Yeah, Elliot must know about it.
Olivia froze at the thought.
If Elliot knew she kissed T-Bone, he might not want to see her at all…
The water ran down her face and hair, she closed her eyes and focused on breathing. She had to face Elliot, but the way she felt – she might never be ready to face him. But now she had to. But then again, maybe it will be okay?
Yeah – no, it's not gonna be okay.
She finished her shower rather quickly and walked to the bedroom clad in the towel. She opened the dresser and almost out of habit she picked up her usual work attire and placed her work pants, white t-shirt, dark blue sweater and black jacket.
Olivia put on her underwear and wrapped her long hair in a towel, drying them in the process. Then she took another look at the clothes and threw them back in the closet, not bothering to fold them or put the jacket back on the hanger.
Still drying her hair, she instead chose light blue jeans she used to love, white t-shirt and dark blue long sleeved shirt, similar to the ones she used to wear as undercover in Oregon.
Olivia made herself a strong cup of coffee and poured milk in a bowl, then added some muesli and sat down by the kitchen table to enjoy her breakfast. Out of habit she even turned on the radio and let the music ease her mind.
***SVU***
Elliot was talking with Fin over at the coffee machine, while Dani went through the tests results by her desk. Even though Elliot and Fin were rather close to her, they were talking in hushed voices and Dani couldn't make out more than a name – Olivia, but Elliot had never mentioned the name before.
She looked for the toxicology report on her desk, but she couldn't find that one paper anywhere. She looked at the ground and her drawers, but then she noticed the piece of paper on Elliot's desk. Dani gazed at Elliot briefly, but he seemed to be deep in conversation, which she should add didn't seem to be a pleasant one, so Dani decided to look over the report herself rather than wait for Elliot.
Dani got up and walked over to Elliot's desk. She grabbed the paper, but her eyes caught pictures on his desk she had never given a second glance. There was one of 4 kids she assumed to be Elliot's and next to that was a picture of Elliot sleeping on the couch, but he was not alone. His arm was draped over a woman with short brown hair, who was halfway on top of him, though Dani couldn't see the face of the woman, because it was hidden in his chest. She thought it to be a weird choice of a picture to keep it on desk, but who was she to judge. She looked over at third photograph Elliot kept on his desk. It was him with the same brown haired woman, but this was taken in a park. Elliot had that woman wrapped in his arms, their eyes locked and wide smile covering their faces. Both of them seemed genuinely happy.
"What are you looking for?" Elliot asked.
Dani jumped as she had not heard Elliot coming.
"Tox screen," Dani recovered and held the paper in her hand.
Elliot nod, even though he realized, that Dani had been looking at the pictures of Olivia on his desk. He took a seat and let his eyes rest on pictures of Olivia – he missed her, even though he was still pissed at her. He still remembered the night of their first kiss and how they fell asleep on the couch upstairs and Munch had decided to take photographs of that event. Secretly he was glad Munch had done that.
He remembered their morning walk in the park as clearly. It was one of their days off, when both of them were awake at the early hour and decided to take a stroll in the park and enjoy the quiet it offers. On their way they had met Casey, who had been taking pictures of nature – her way of starting a day, and of course after their run in Casey decided to take some shots of Olivia and Elliot together. It was all before Gitano and everything – it was from the time before it all went sour.
Yeah, he was pissed at her – he was more than pissed. Olivia had betrayed her. And more than that, she had let Casey and Chelsea down. It's been a week since she was supposed to show up at the court room, but probably never did – Elliot didn't dare to ask Casey about the case. All he knew, was if Olivia was to walk through the doors of 1-6 precinct, he'd forget everything, take her in his arms and make sure she stayed there.
He didn't have long to focus on Olivia, because Dani was eager to go out and check on the call girls, so he gave in and they left the precinct.
***SVU***
Dani rubbed her face before sitting down behind her desk and getting started on the mountain of paperwork. It had been a rough night and Elliot was still in interrogation, trying to get the confession from their perp.
She didn't notice Olivia walking to the squad room looking for familiar faces, failing to see any, but to her great surprise there was a strange blonde sitting behind her desk. In a way she was glad Elliot was not at his desk, but then again she felt disappointed, even Munch nor Fin were nowhere to be seen. So she made the most logical choice and turned to the blonde, who she supposed was Elliot's new partner.
"Excuse me," she said and walked towards her old desk. That caught the other woman's attention and Olivia continued, "I'm looking for detective Stabler," she asked.
Dani looked behind her and replied: "He's in interrogation," she replied as she could not see Elliot coming towards the desk. "Maybe I can help you? I'm his partner Dani Beck," she offered.
Olivia realized that the other woman – Dani – was talking to her like she was a victim and coming to report a crime or ask for follow up or something of the sorts. A ping of pain went through her, when she heard Dani refer herself as Elliot's partner, because in Olivia's mind she was his partner.
She rejected Dani quickly – she was not a victim. "Oh, no. That's okay," she said, but continued, "Is the Captain in his office?" she asked and pointed towards Cragen's office.
"Sure," Dani replied with a smile, which was somewhat full of questions.
"Good," Olivia replied, still recovering from the fact that Elliot has another partner, who is gorgeous and physically has similarities to Kathy. She didn't know that Dani was just as curious about her, but Dani had work to do, so she pushed Olivia from her mind – after all people came her quite often and Dani didn't know most of them. Maybe the woman was a detective from some other squad or precinct?
She walked away towards Cragen's office and entered without knocking. Cragen looked at the intruder and dropped the folder he had been reading, then he stood.
"Olivia," he greeted in surprise, "When did you get back?" he asked.
She closed the door and walked towards Cragen, "Couple of days ago," she replied, happy to see a familiar face.
"And one PP forgot to notify me," Cragen stated, "I haven't got a spot for you. Warrants sent a body to partner with Elliot," he apologized and offered an explanation about the woman Olivia just met.
"Yeah, I just met her," she said and tried to keep her face, "How's that working out?" she asked and walked to the window to look at her replacement.
"It was a rough start, but it's all good now," Cragen explained, though Olivia heard the same thin from Casey the night she got back.
Olivia saw Elliot return and she could feel her heart pick up the pace at the sight of him. She really had missed him and it's even harder now that she has seen him. But she also realized, that she was not ready to face him just yet.
"I can shift Beck out, but it may take some time to find her a new home," Cragen offered.
She watched how Elliot walked to Dani and placed his hand on her shoulder, while he looked for something in her drawers. It reminded her so much of how he always was around her and suddenly she was jealous.
"No, don't," she said breaking off her trance and forced herself to look away from Elliot. She walked back to Cragen's desk and looked down before speaking, "I'm not ready to come back, that's what I came to tell you," she said, adding in her mind, that she was not ready to confront Elliot.
Olivia held her Captain's gaze for a moment, knowing the older officer saw right through her reasons, but Cragen chose not to question them.
She broke the eye contact and went to the door that led to hallway.
"You're gonna leave without seeing Elliot?" he asked.
Olivia was taken by surprise. She glanced at Elliot's direction and came up with a quick explanation "Well, he's busy. I'll, I'll… uh… I'll catch up with him later," she managed.
Then she opened the door, but didn't walk out just yet, instead she stood in between and took one last look at Elliot.
"And, um… don't tell him I was here," she said and waved, then left the office before Cragen could say anything else. Cragen just looked through the window, where Elliot and Dani were. He had noticed how close the detectives were getting, but he knew that Elliot was a professional. Now on the other hand he was beginning to have doubts, because Olivia didn't want to even see Elliot after almost 2 months. Cragen realized that the detectives have some cracks that need to be fixed and he prayed that they will fix them.
Olivia took a moment before she walked out and looked back at Elliot. He was leaning in close to Dani and she could feel her heart breaking all over again. Unable to watch him any longer, she turned around and came face to face with Fin.
"I thought it was you, baby girl," he said with a huge smile.
"Hey, Fin," Olivia greeted.
Fin opened his arms and Olivia stepped closer to give him a friendly hug.
"I'm so glad you're back. We have missed you," Fin said and released Olivia.
She offered a smile, "I've missed you too," she replied.
It was Fin's turn to smile. "Does Elliot know you're here?" Fin asked.
Olivia shook her head.
Fin raised his eyebrow and waited for explanation.
"I'm not ready to face him yet," Olivia confessed.
Fin placed his hand on her shoulder. "Stabler will be happy to see you, don't worry," he tried.
Olivia's phone rand and Dean's name flashed on the screen.
"I'm sorry, I have to take this. I will call Elliot, but for now don't tell him I was here," Olivia said quickly and walked away. When she was out of hearing radius, she answered the phone.
"It's Dean," he said.
"I know. What's the status?" Olivia asked.
"Everything went better than expected and your partner can go free. T-Bone agreed not to press charges, but he's still demanding for your release. Local Sheriff is trying to convince them, that you jumped bail and have to stay in New York. However they are expecting a call from you," Dean explained.
"You truly are a miracle worker. I just have to make a call and then this is over," she was relieved.
"Come to the bureau and use our phone in case they know how to track calls," Dean instructed.
"I'll be on my way," Olivia promised and hang up after Dean had said his goodbye.
She made it to the Bureau in record time, where Dean was already waiting for her, so she didn't have to stand in line and go through security as a guest, but as an agent.
Dean was by her side, when she called T-Bone and explained how she was locked up until the court. T-Bone didn't seem too happy about it, but he accepted that Olivia won't return in near future and maybe she won't come at all. He also mentioned how Elliot punched him in the face. Olivia apologized and said her goodbye.
Dean gave her an applause after she hang up.
"What?" she asked.
"You're natural," he said easily, "You handled the situation well and now you're free from me."
"Finally," Olivia said with relief.
"Or almost free," Dean added.
Olivia looked at him with questions written all over her face.
"About the dinner that you owe me," Dean suggested.
Olivia smiled, "It's late, but we might find some place," she offered.
Dean nod and got up. He held his hand out for Olivia, who took it.
They entered the cool night of New York, Olivia shivered when the cold air hit her, but she recovered rather quickly, though Dean noticed that. Instantly he took off his coat and put it over her shoulders. She thanked him politely.
"I know a great pizza place nearby," Olivia suggested.
Dean nod, but went to the first hot-dog stand and bought 2 of them. He gave one to Olivia, who was surprised.
"We're not having the dinner tonight, but we will in near future after I'll make a reservation in my favorite restaurant in New York. Today is just a warm up," Dean explained.
"Okay, now I'm looking forward to it," Olivia said.
"What would your special someone say about that? I'm sure he's glad to have you back," Dean asked.
Olivia thought about Elliot and in all honesty she didn't know what they had, "I haven't seen him yet. It's complicated," Olivia said, hoping that Dean won't push the topic any further.
"His loss. He'd be a real fool to let someone as amazing as you go," Dean commented.
Olivia didn't reply, instead she finished her hot dog and threw the paper in nearest trash bin.
They continued walking with no direction talking about everything – sharing personal stories and finally getting to know each other.
They crossed the street and Central Park came to view after they had been walking for a little over an hour.
"So where are we heading?" Dean asked.
"Looks to me like you're sending me home," Olivia said.
"I can do that," Dean said with a smile.
Olivia smiled and to her great surprise Dean wasn't as jackass as she initially thought and she found it surprisingly easy to talk to him. It even terrified her.
"About that dinner, what time suits you?" Dean asked.
"I'm not back at SVU, so I'm available almost every night," Olivia said.
"Oh, I might take you to dinner for multiple nights then," he joked.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Olivia replied.
Dean nod, "Yeah, I don't want to upset your boyfriend," he said.
"That's wise," Olivia agreed.
She was about to cross the street, but Dean pulled her back roughly by her arm, so she had to maintain balance and grabbed onto him. She recovered quickly and released her hold, he did the same.
"A car," he said simply, even though she could see it herself.
"Thanks," she said politely.
Dean checked the street twice and made sure it was empty before crossing the street.
"I think saving your life is worth at least a warm cup of coffee," he suggested.
"Yeah, I think that's proper," Olivia agreed.
Her apartment building came to sight and she noticed that most of the lights were off. Olivia led Dean to her apartment, unlocked the door and let them in.
"I'm sorry, everything is still a mess here," she apologized, because she hasn't got around to cleaning just yet.
"It's okay," Dean brushed it off.
Olivia made Dean a cup of coffee and tea for herself. They enjoyed each other company while they drank their hot beverages and after that Dean left. He gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving and promised to call about the dinner.
***SVU***
They had their man – Victor had appeared in front of the Judge and Casey promised to put him away for 15 years. It was good enough until Elliot and Dani could finish with their murder investigation and pin it on him too. Even though it was all good at the end, they all needed a drink. After they left the court house, Dani went ahead, but Casey stopped Elliot for a moment.
"Have you heard from Liv?" she asked quietly.
Elliot shook his head, "I know she's no longer in Oregon though," he said.
Casey nod.
"You know anything?" Elliot asked.
"She's back," Casey said simply, "You should go see her."
Elliot shook his head again, "It's obvious she doesn't want to see me or can you name any other reason why she hasn't contacted me?" he asked bitterly. Elliot felt like he was punched into the stomach.
"Your choice. Maybe she wasn't ready to return, after all she spent over a month pretending to be someone else," Casey tried to reason.
"I don't care," Elliot said stubbornly, "It's her turn to come to me."
Casey looked around and noticed Dani waiting for them by the elevators, out of hearing radius, but still she lowered her voice.
"I know you and Dani have gotten close, but don't do anything stupid. Don't forget about Olivia, because I believe at least she is still committed to you," she said, "Remember what I said over a year ago – don't you dare hurt her."
"But it's okay for her to hurt me?" he asked bitterly.
"What are you talking about? Liv loves you and she'd never hurt you," Casey asked, obviously confused.
"She cheated on me," Elliot spat out. Casey's eyes went wide and so Elliot elaborated, "She kissed another treehugger in Oregon."
Casey was taken by Elliot's confession and was having hard time finding her words.
"So the next time you come to talk to me about Olivia, you make sure you have all the facts. Heck, maybe her lack of contact and affair with the treehugger means we're done. Maybe it's for the best even," Elliot was angry.
He walked away and followed Dani, Casey a few steps behind.
They got to the parking lot, Casey took her car, while Dani and Elliot took his. They agreed to meet at the bar nearby that they usually visited.
Once in her car, Casey took out her phone and dialed Olivia's number, but it went straight to the mailbox, so she left her a message: "Hey, Liv, it's Casey. I just had a talk with Elliot and I think he's giving up on you. Talk to him, whatever reasons you had in Oregon, he needs to know them. I think he might start moving on. Come on, Olivia, I know you and I know him – I know you can fix whatever this is. And pick up your phone the next time."
They parked and got inside, where Elliot ordered the first round – he and Dani chose beer, while Casey ordered whiskey.
Casey excused herself pretty fast after seeing a Homicide ADA Marcus and she had some cases to discuss beside the chance of going on a date sometime. She sent Elliot a threatening glare before leaving, he simply turned his eyes away. Some time later she tried to look for the detectives, but apparently they had left already. Casey could only hope they did that separately.
After Dani wanted to go home, Elliot promised to drop her off, so they entered the parking lot together.
"What was that about?" Dani asked.
"What?" Elliot asked innocently.
"You and Casey. Seems like you were in lover's quarrel," Dani explained.
"It's nothing," he said, but he could feel Dani's eyes on him and he realized she won't give up until she gets an explanation, "It's about my old partner, nothing serious."
Dani seemed satisfied with the answer, even though she wanted to know more, but she realized that Elliot was not in a mood to talk about her. Maybe the former partner was the woman in the pictures?
They got to his car and Elliot opened the door for her. When Dani made a move to get inside, Elliot stopped her and pulled her back by the elbow and pressed his lips to hers. Her one hand fell to his neck, while the other rested by his side. He pulled away too fast, but after sharing a quick look their lips met again.
Half-way during the kiss he realized, that he didn't do it that much out of passion, but it was a revenge. If Olivia can go around and kiss some "tree-activists", he can do the same. He kissed Dani with anger he had towards Olivia. But the anger was not only because of the kiss, he was still angry about the abortion – how she killed their baby when it's known that she wants to be a mother. Yeah, that's why he kissed Dani – to get even with Olivia and to hurt her like she had hurt him.
The kiss was cut short, when Elliot's phone interrupted them, but she turned it off and then they continued until Elliot's peeper went off and Dani's followed. Then they broke apart for good and both looked at their phones.
"It's a 911 from Cragen," Elliot said.
"Yeah, me too," Dani said after reading the same message.
Elliot took out his phone to call Cragen, but he stopped, when he saw who called him just moments ago, when he was kissing Dani – he had a missed call from Olivia. Still he recovered rather quickly and dialed Cragen's number, but he kept in mind to call Olivia later.
***SVU***
It was a hard case, but in the early morning they finished it – their perp was dead and the child was safe. He and Dani were still in the scene, when the Sun started to rise. The officers were moving around, CSU was collecting evidence and Elliot led Belinda to the ambulance so she could be checked out. He looked around to see Dani leaning over the railing by the river and he walked up to her.
Elliot leaned by the railing, close to Dani. He tilted his head and placed his hand on her back.
"You okay?" he asked.
Dani shook her head.
"All right, come on. Let me drive you home," Elliot said as his hand moved soothingly on her back.
"I need to be alone," Dani said and turned herself. She placed her hand on his shoulder and for a moment she wanted to lean in and let him envelope her, but she didn't. Instead she walked away, leaving Elliot alone.
Elliot looked after Dani and then he observed the scene in front of him. He caught a glimpse of a squad car parked next to his, that wasn't there before – it was the same he usually uses on duty. The driver was out of the car, but she stood still by the door. He could recognize her from everywhere.
A ping of guilt went through him, but he stood there frozen. After what seemed like eternity, he took a step closer to that woman, but she got into the car and drove away before Elliot could reach her.
All he knew, was that he now really needs to talk to Olivia. And maybe, just maybe, they are done.
***SVU***
After leaving the scene, he didn't go home despite the fact that he had been up all night. He drove to her apartment instead and sat in the car for what seemed like eternity. Finally he chose to go see her. Luckily one of her neighbors just came out and Elliot managed to slip inside the hallway. He climbed the stairs slowly, preparing himself mentally on the way until he reached her door. Automatically he grabbed his keys, but before he could unlock the door, he stopped himself. Instead he knocked gently on the door.
Elliot could hear radio playing inside and footsteps approaching the door. He heard stop at the door, probably looking through the peephole and after another moment of eternity she opened her apartment's door.
"Did you lost your key?" she asked, her voice was cold and impersonal.
"No, I didn't think it would be appropriate to march in," he explained.
"Hmm," Olivia said and moved away from the door, leaving it open for him. She went to the kitchen, where she was drinking coffee and poured him a cup, knowing him well enough that he wants one.
"For how long have you been back?" he asked after entering the kitchen. He leaned over at the counter and accepted the mug.
"Almost a week," she replied.
Elliot sipped his coffee and waited for her to talk, but she didn't so he started.
"What made you call me today and not sooner?" Elliot asked.
"I was enjoying my quiet vacation too much, but Dean – agent Porter – called me in the morning about charges against you," she explained, "Apparently you punched T-Bone."
"That I did," he confirmed, "They're charging me?"
"No, Dean made it go away," she said and shook her head.
Elliot made a face how Olivia called the FBI agent by his first name, but he let it slide for now.
"Good to know FBI can do something too. You know how well they kept your location? They even didn't let Casey contact you even though she needed you in court," Elliot commented.
"How'd you find T-Bone anyway?" Olivia asked.
"The phone call you made to Fin, the one when you hang up the moment Fin handed it to me," Elliot said bitterly.
"Sorry, my friends arrived and I couldn't talk to you. They had just been released," Olivia explained, but Elliot's face was full of questions, "We protested and police came to break it off, things got a little out of hand and we ended up in the hospital, but then I was charged with an assault of police officer – guess the police is more corrupt there than it is here."
"You okay?" he asked with concern – for a moment everything else was wiped from his mind.
"Yeah, had a minor concussion," she said easily.
"So what happened there? Anything you wanna tell me?" he asked bitterly.
"I kissed someone," she blurted out, "But I guess you already know that."
Elliot confirmed his knowledge.
"I kissed my new partner last night," he stated easily.
"That makes it right?" she asked, pain obvious in her voice.
Elliot shook his head, "Can't make it worse either," he said neutrally.
"I was working undercover and I did what I had to in order to infiltrate and protect my cover," she defended her actions.
"You sleep with someone in the name of protecting your cover?" he asked.
Olivia stood from the chair and slapped his cheek. "How dare you?" she spat out, "It was one short kiss and that's all there was."
Elliot touched his cheek, which was now getting red. "I kissed Dani because she was there, because she's nothing like you, but most of all because I wanted to. I get lonely too you know," he said accusingly.
"You prick," she hissed.
"Bitch," he returned the insult.
"Get out, we're done," she said with anger, but refused to look at him. Instead she sat down and focused on her coffee.
Elliot nod and headed towards the door, Olivia stood again to look after him. Elliot stopped by the door, but then continued to walk away. She followed him and locked the door after, then headed to the couch and sat down. She stared at the TV, but didn't turn it on. Slowly she felt tears forming and then falling from her eyes. She even didn't bother to wipe them away.
She was startled, when someone tried to open the door, but failed. Then she heard a key being placed in the lock and the unlocking of the door. Then the intruder came through the door and showed himself – Elliot.
Bitterly Olivia stood from the couch, wiped away the tears and looked at him. She cursed herself for looking like this, but he didn't look much better in closer look. His eyes were red like he had been crying and some tears still shined on his cheeks.
"Did you forget something?" she asked and crossed her hands on her chest.
"Yeah, you," he was straightforward. With that he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. Olivia didn't protest one bit, but she didn't reach instantly either. It took her seconds before she gave in, wrapped her arms around him and started kissing him back with the same tenderness he was.
"I'm sorry, I don't want to ruin us. I don't ever want to be without you," he said weakly after pulling away.
"I'm sorry too. I love you," she replied.
His response was to kiss her again, but this time more forcefully. He gripped her side tight, while his other hand was on the back of her neck steading her in case she might want to pull away, but that didn't even cross her mind.
Her grip on his back was just as urgent and strong. Both of them acting on their emotions and piled up tension.
Finally he removed his lips from hers and moved on to her neck. She moaned at his lips just like she always does. Elliot kissed her way to her right ear and then from her cheek to lips again. "Mine," he whispered before capturing her lips again. She smiled into the kiss, because the possessiveness is something she had missed and yet again she found it incredibly sexy.
Elliot moved her hands downward, stopping at her bottom. He squeezed her and pressed her tighter against him so she could feel his hardened erection through the items of clothing. She moaned loudly at the contact. He moved his hands to her thighs and instructed her to wrap her legs around him. She obliged willingly.
He headed towards the bedroom with her, but he did make a stop to push her up against the wall and ravish her neck. He didn't care that he'll probably mark her skin, because that was just his intention – to claim her again and make everybody know it, including Olivia.
They reached the bedroom, where Elliot placed her on the bed and got on top of her. In well-practiced manner they removed their clothes until both of them were naked. Elliot started kissing his way down from her jaw, stopping when he reached her breasts.
"Mine," he whispered and kissed her right breast, then did the same with her left one. She shrieked, when he bit one of his nipples. He moved his hand down to her clit and rubbed it roughly, then inserted one of his fingers inside her. She moaned and closed her eyes.
"God, you're wet," he teased.
Elliot shifted and slipped his fingers out. He climbed back up on her, but he let his hands roam over her body as he took his time.
"Fuck," she hissed, when involuntary shivers came across her body. She partly hated how her body reacted to his touch – like she was a high school girl about to lose her virginity, even though she had slept with Elliot for over 2 years.
"I will fuck you," He was smug and crashed his lips to hers and entered her all the way.
"Elliot!" she shouted as she was not quite ready and not expecting that yet. Her breathing stopped for a moment before it became labored. His mouth was still close to hers, but not touching.
He took her hands and moved them above her head, using his one hand to keep them there, the other hand landed by her side supporting his weight.
Elliot slipped all the way out and caught her eyes, then slammed all the way inside again. He started moving in and out a lot faster than she was used to and he seemed to be using more force than usually.
"You're fucking mine," he grunted.
"Fuck, Stabler," she said through her teeth.
Elliot picked up the pace and continued slamming into her harder than he usually did. "Say it," he ordered.
"Say what?" Olivia asked, she was having trouble focusing on anything else but what he was doing to her.
"Say that you're mine," he ordered and stilled his movements.
"El?" she asked and looked up.
As much as Elliot wanted to make her satisfy his need to feel possessive, he couldn't stop, when he was so close to his release, so he picked up his movements and continued fucking her.
"Liv," he said roughly.
"Yeah, I'm –" she started, but her orgasm hit her suddenly, which took her breath for a moment and caused her to throw her head back, "– Fuck, Elliot, I'm yours… Yours, Stabler… Fuck," she finished panting hard.
"Oh, God, Liv," he said roughly and stilled his movements as he had reached his own peak, "I fucking love you," he added quietly after he had collapsed on top of her.
He finally released her hands, but she made no effort to move an inch on her body. Elliot angled his head so his lips came to contact with her sweaty neck. Lazily he kissed her, then rolled away and settled by her side.
"What the hell was that?" she asked him, when she finally got her voice back and she managed to turn herself to her side to get a better look at him
Elliot rolled to his side and pressed his lips to hers, sucking on her bottom lip hungrily and his hand was already on her breast. He used his weight advantage and pushed her down on her back again.
"This is welcome home," he said between kisses, "And for being mine."
"I should go undercover more often just for this," she commented.
Elliot shook his head, "Don't you dare," he said softly, "I wouldn't be able to handle it again."
She lifted her head to kiss away all the doubt he had, but he must have been reading her mind, because he met her halfway and pushed her head back to the bed and kissed her with much more force than before.
Elliot broke away from the kiss and moved on to her jaw and neck. He moved slowly to the back of her ear and then back to center again, she let out quiet moans at his actions. He couldn't get over how irresistible she still was – he thought he could stay like this forever and suck her soft skin, while she moaned at his actions.
He moved downwards, dropping kisses on every inch of her skin he could reach and completely ignored Olivia's hand moving to her abdomen and covering the scar from her abortion. She said his name weakly, her voice almost begging, but he chose to ignore that too. Elliot gently slapped her hand away and touched the horizontal scar for the second time, only this time he didn't let Olivia push him away. At first he ran his fingers gently over the scar and he felt the way she tensed up at the touch. Once again he ignored her reaction, just like he ignored the pain inside of him he got every time he thought how Olivia chose to kill their baby. He took his hand from her abdomen and looked for hers; upon finding it he intertwined their fingers and he gave her a reassuring squeeze. Then he leaned down and kissed the scar, he dropped a bunch of kisses and every time he could feel the muscles on her abdomen contracting from the tension. He could also feel the shivers running all over her body at his touches. Elliot didn't want that, he just wanted her to trust him, but then again he also wanted to learn to trust her again too.
"Ours?" he asked when he rose his head.
"Ours," she confirmed, but her voice was weak.
He kissed her scar once more and then moved back up, leaving a trail of kisses on his way. He attacked her neck once more, coming across another scar he hadn't familiarized himself with yet. He moved his lips from the scar and placed his hand on her neck instead and ran his thumb gently over the small scar, which was no longer angry and red, instead it looked calmer and pinkish, but it was distinguishable under his calloused fingers.
His eyes bore into hers, when his thumb gently caressed the scar.
"I almost lost you then," he said gently, his voice barely louder than a whisper.
"But I'm still here – we both are," she replied quickly.
"Liv, what happened that day?" he asked softly.
"Seems like everything," she whispered.
Elliot made a noise and rolled to his back again.
Olivia used to opportunity and rolled away from the bed, grabbed one of his t-shirts, which fell almost to her knees, and pulled it over her head, then got into her panties and turned to him
"It doesn't fix anything you know," she said seriously and stood at the foot of the bed, her look serious. Only because he knew her so well he could say that she was deeply hurt.
"I know," he said and got into sitting position, he also pulled the covers over himself to hide away his manhood.
"I need coffee," she decided and left the bedroom.
Elliot grunted – he was not sure if he wanted to follow her or not. He wanted her, but it was too early to get into something, plus he was tired. But then again it would be wisest to have the talk now and have some clarity.
He got out of the bed and pulled on his boxers, then pulled a shirt over his head and headed to the kitchen. He took a seat behind the table opposite of Olivia just like he did before.
"Where do you want to start?" Olivia asked.
"Gitano," Elliot said quickly.
Olivia nod.
"Or maybe we should go a little further back. You were distant and unavailable for some weeks before Gitano," he remembered.
Olivia closed her eyes to think back and remembered they worked with Fin's son before Gitano and it's when she found out she was pregnant. She opened her eyes, looked at him and nod to confirm his suspicions.
"What was it?" he asked.
"I found out I was pregnant," Olivia said quietly.
Elliot stretched his hand out and placed it on top of hers on the table, "You were scared of my reaction?" he asked and raised an eyebrow.
"You told me you'd shoot yourself if Kathy got pregnant again," she explained.
Now it was Elliot's turn to take a trip down the memory lane and he came up with a vague memory of saying something long before he got together with Olivia. "You are not Kathy, never have been and never will be. Don't compare yourself with her," Elliot was firm.
Olivia nod, but she avoided his eyes.
"That's why you didn't tell me?" he asked seriously.
"I was scared of how you might react, plus you were always in such foul mood. I guess I was waiting for the right moment," she said.
"But the moment never came?" he asked.
"It was gone before I had the chance, yes," Olivia said heavily.
"Why didn't you call me?" Elliot asked bitterly, "You called Casey. I know that you told Fin, but you never called me."
Olivia took another sip of her coffee, which was already cold and swallowed hard. She licked her lips and took another deep breath before opening her mouth. "You told me that we can't work together. You basically told me you made a mistake by choosing me. In your eyes I made a mistake of choosing you – not killing you. I needed some space."
Elliot stayed silent and gulped his coffee. "Besides Cragen told me that hospital called him, because you weren't picking up," she added, "And I called you multiple times after I was released. Once, while I was still in the hospital. You never picked up. It's not on me."
"I was pissed. I was angry," he said quietly, "I was angry at Gitano, but not at you. Guess you got a piece of my anger anyway."
"You asked me to kill you," Olivia said roughly and pulled her hand from underneath his, "I was pregnant with your kid and you asked me to shoot you. It's not okay."
Elliot could feel anger radiating from her, but he didn't turn away.
"I didn't know about that at the time. I found out about your pregnancy after you had killed our baby," Elliot accused.
"I had no choice," she shouted, "Shit, I need something stronger than coffee for this," she said more to herself and got up. Olivia located a bottle of whiskey on top shelf, grabbed 2 glasses and placed them on the table. She filled one glass hallway with the amber liquid, sat down and drank half of the glass.
"You keep telling me you had no choice," he shouted back, "You remember how I found about your pregnancy?" he asked, and poured himself some whiskey, then continued, "After I pressured you about your appointment you told me you had an abortion. That's how I found out that you had been pregnant."
"When exactly I should have told you? Sometime between your accusations of how I do my job or maybe when I was holding you at gunpoint and you were asking to be shot? Wouldn't that have been nice? Honey, I'm pregnant – bye-bye," Olivia mocked and mimicked shooting Elliot with her fingers.
"I'm sure you could have found a time," he spat out, "You must have known it a little longer than the Gitano case."
"Yeah, and you were always angry at something and always had something to say about the way I function," she defended herself.
"I was fucking worried about you. You were pulling away, I was worried for Christ sake," he said and slammed his hand against the table.
Olivia's automatic reaction was to move her chair away from the table and make herself as small as she could.
"Stabler,"she exhaled.
"You don't get it at all. You were acting like an ass, you had told me you'd shoot yourself when you were having another kid. Maybe I was scared of your reaction. I wanted to tell you, when you were in a good mood, not acting like some world class bastard, because then you truly are unpredictable," Olivia hissed and emptied her glass of whiskey. She sipped her coffee afterwards to ease the burning in her throat.
Elliot looked at her with cold – almost icy – eyes. His face was unreadable, but Olivia was positive he was debating on his next move.
"What do you mean by not having a choice?" he asked finally.
"Can't you just let it slide?" she asked softly.
"No," he was firm, "I wanna know, why killing our baby was your only choice."
Olivia poured her another glass of whiskey, raised the glass to her lips, but then put it down without sipping it. "The pregnancy wasn't developing correctly," she said quietly, her voice was calm, even though her features were saying that she was nervous.
"What do you mean?" Elliot asked, his voice was still cold, but his eyes were softening up.
Olivia was tapping her fingers on the table, but she stopped as his question. She took the glass of whiskey again and sipped it. She removed her hands from the table and wrapped them around herself.
"The pregnancy was developing in my fallopian tube. It ruptured and they had to remove it," she gave him the short version of what happened medically, "They call it ectopic pregnancy," she added.
"I know what it is," he snapped.
"So now you know, I'm tubeless and childless, and chance of future pregnancy is low," she said coldly, almost like she was talking about someone else with whom she had no connection. Elliot noticed the coldness in her voice and the way she avoided looking at his direction.
It took him a few moments to get his mind around what she just said. He could remember almost everybody being hostile towards him about the way he handled the situation with Olivia. He remembered teary-eyed Olivia telling about not having a choice. The night was so clear in his mind, because he hadn't seen Olivia so fragile before. It was only now that he realized how wrong he had been all this time.
Elliot looked up and suddenly she saw her just as she was months ago – vulnerable. There were tears in her eyes, even though she was doing her best to hide them. He flashed back to that night he came back to her apartment and got her back. But he also remembered the lovemaking that ended with her tears.
Elliot snapped back from the past and focused on the present in front of him. He got up from his chair and went to her. He placed his hand on her shoulder and pulled her against him.
"Shh, Liv, it's okay. Don't cry," he tried to calm her down, but her only response was to shake her head.
Elliot tried to move himself so he could get a better hold of her, but he was having troubles. He did spot a couch.
"Liv, let's go to the couch," he coaxed, but Olivia didn't respond, instead she just kept on shaking and tears kept on falling. "Okay, I'll just carry you there," Elliot said more to himself.
He slipped his one hand below his knees and the other one around her back, then lifted her to his lap and carried her to the couch. Elliot sat right beside her, but as soon as he got comfortable, he turned to Olivia and tried to offer her some comfort.
With a little coaxing from him, she moved to his lap. She had her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder with her face hidden in his shirt. He could feel her tears falling on his shirt. He had his hands wrapped around her, he kept on running circles on her back like he always does, when she's upset.
"We'll be okay," he tried to soothe her, "Together," he added.
"I'm sorry," she whispered into his shirt, "Every time I think about it, I just lose it," she explained.
"I'm here, Liv, we can handle it," he tried again.
Olivia took deep breaths and nod against his shoulder, then lifted her head. She quickly wiped her eyes and looked at him.
"Guess the elephant's out of the bag, huh?" she tried to lighten the mood and offered a sad smile.
"I'm sorry. I had no idea about the extent of this," he apologized.
Olivia shook her head and climbed away from his lap. She went to the bathroom and splashed water to her face, then returned to the kitchen, grabbed the bottle of whiskey with the glasses and returned to the couch. She put the bottle and glasses on the coffee table and filled both glasses, then settled down at decent distant from Elliot.
"So where were we?" she asked bluntly.
"I guess we passed Gitano and the pregnancy issue," he replied.
"Right," Olivia said and took a moment to think, "I guess then we're at cheating issue."
Elliot nod roughly. He took his glass and sipped it.
Olivia took her glass and shook the liquid inside the glass, but didn't drink it yet.
"I guess we can't just call it even and forget the whole issue?" Elliot asked and winced.
Olivia shook her head firmly, "I can't put it behind me," she said.
"I kissed Dani because I was pissed at you," he said quietly.
"Did you think about going further with her?" Olivia asked coldly.
Elliot shook his head, "I didn't think much at all."
Olivia accepted the answer, "I kissed T-Bone to gain access to secret information, if there was any," she explained, "He was the mental leader and bold enough to fight for the cause. He was the one who didn't care much about what happened to him, that made him a good candidate for EDGE."
"Would you have slept with him to get information?" Elliot returned the question she asked him before.
"No," Olivia replied fast, "I could barely look at myself after the kiss. I couldn't have gone further."
"Okay," he accepted her answer, "What about you FBI agent? Did you do anything with him?"
Olivia gave him a stare she usually reserves for their perps, but in this case Elliot asked for it – in her mind anyway.
"Look, I'm sure he's a nice guy and you spent a lot of time with him. I need to know," Elliot defended himself.
"I did meet up with him last night and promised to have a dinner with him," she said.
"What?!" Elliot almost shouted. He was up from his seat and glared at her.
Olivia rolled her eyes, drank her whiskey and placed the glass back on the table. "He made your charges go away, that's why I met him last night. I had to call T-Bone and assure him, that I'm in FBI custody, but I'm fine. He agreed to drop the charges. I promised to have dinner with him if he could make your assault charges go away," she explained and crossed her hands, "Also we had coffee right here last night."
"So you did think about it?" Elliot asked.
"No, he was my case agent and I trust him. We get along, but my interest in him is not romantic. He's a friend," she said as it was natural thing.
Elliot sat back down. "I don't trust guys like that. I don't trust feds at all," he said, vocal about his dislike for the "suits" and males around Olivia generally.
"You're creating a problem from nothing," Olivia reasoned, "You have been in contact with Kathy all this time, you even crashed with her for some time. Yeah, I know it's about kids, but the concept is the same, especially because you were married to her."
Elliot snorted and rolled his eyes, then suddenly became serious – he had to tell about the kiss with Kathy – he can regret it later, but he has to face the music, "I kissed Kathy."
"When?" Olivia asked calmly.
"After Gitano. I was staying with her, you were at Computer Crimes. We were broken up at the time, but it still felt wrong. I didn't let it get any further," he explained.
Olivia emptied her glass of whiskey and took the bottle to pour more, but then changed her mind.
"Okay," she said and stood up.
"Okay, what?" Elliot asked, momentarily worried.
She turned around to face him. Olivia could see tiredness written all over him, just like she felt it.
"It's late, a lot has come to surface and I need some time to think about everything. I can't do it now, I'm too fucking tired to continue. I need to process this, so do you. We have infidelity on both sides, we have my pregnancy and abortion and then we have Gitano," Olivia counted their problems, "I'm going to sleep," she decided.
"You want me to leave?" he asked.
"I don't want you in my bed, but you can take the couch if you want to. You already know where I keep the spare blankets," she said easily.
Elliot nod. He took out her cell and texted Cragen: I won't come in today, I'm taking a sick day. He then moved to get the blankets and pillow for himself. Olivia put away the bottle and washed their glasses and coffee cups.
He spoke up, when she was leaving.
"Where does that leave us?" he asked, his voice was pained.
"At crossroads," she replied and left.
He could hear the door slamming, but her words were ringing in his head.