Soooooo it's been a long ass time. (Understatement) Oh boy, do we even begin?(we have had a problem beginning anything) Long story short, the band broke up and uh… (kinda like a dropped toaster) we made up after we both woke up in seperate ditches in separate countries.(with separate toasters) Honestly, I admitted I had a problem (and I admitted he had a problem) after I had to remove my balls from a fucking vase.(mine are still out there somewhere...god damn elves) Santa was not kind after he read our interpretation of him(couple of hard pipe hitting elves with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, you hear that ginger. I ain't done with you or the blonde by a damn sight. Imma get medieval on your ass) .Point is, fuck Santa. (And those elven bastards...where are my testicles Sharon?) Poor bastard. At least my nuts survived the fucking Santa Casino Royale(I traded mine for the toaster). And was it worth it? NOPE.(says you this toast is delicious) Oh god, remember the Xbox incident? How did that even happen? (CAUSE YALL NEED A DAMN PRAY STATION THATS WHY) Lemme illustrate this. It's 2am, I get a desperate call. Mother fucker got drunk(that was sure as hell not just drunk. I was roofied or something) , and somehow got his balls(only one of them don't lie) caught in the tray of his Xbox 360( wasn't my xbox. Man that Gamestop employee was pisssssssed) . Nuts fucking stuck. Point is, we all eventually came to our sense(I mean we're back I'm not sure how much sense is involved here) , and here we are. So… time for some long awaited(you act like people read this) SS, take it away Ghost you megalomaniac. (I prefer egomaniac)
Norf Norf_Fucking figure it out_Third person?
Yang and Neo sat across from each other at the coffee shop.
"What the fuck, we've been frozen for a year?" Neo said rather pissed at the dipshits writing this.
"Ya, and one of these fuckwits is on a dying cell phone. It's 2 in the afternoon and I'm drinking coffee, I don't wanna see fuck boy struggling with the autocorrect." Yang said.
"Well where do we go from here?" Neo asked "Our precious strategy of movie quotes and stolen comedy isn't gonna work here is it?" she continued
"Well I think since the author is getting a little tired of jerking himself off we better get up, stop dry humping the rubble that was the 4th wall and start dancing like the trained monkeys we are" Yang explained. When all of the sudden a loud noise followed by patrons from the other shops running in terror got the author out of his dialogue loop.
"What the fuck was that!" The barista yelled.
"lazy writing, you exist in this universe get used to it" Yang calmly explained. Neo was clearly on edge until a clearly psychotic laugh cut all fear out of her system with a penis shaped knife. The red caped terrorist skipping down the plaza with her stern, sexy, milf-y wife hot on her heels.
"It's been TOO LONG BABY! The bitches are back and you better believe we're better than over. Oh hai Yang." Rose yelled, a crazed look in her eyes.
"ROSE, YOU CRAZY WHORE! WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME A CHEAP PLOT DEVICE, HOW THE HELL ARE YA?!" Yang yelled excitedly jumping up at the site of her batshit crazy sister.
"Uh, well let's see her, I just did a line of coke off of Winter's tits, fucking Tigger has an AK-47 and my tits now shoot lasers. So, uh, FUCKING GREAT!"
"I'm not nearly high enough for this shit right now" Neo said dejectedly.
"I can fix that!" Rose yelled, pulling from her massive knockers a fucking windex bottle.
"I've put some crazy shit up my ass to get high. Vodka tampons? Check. Fried chicken battered in crack? You betcha! But that shit you put on Windows so the pope can see you jerk off in high definition? I gotta say you have aroused my…..hehe interest." Neo said channeling the mental issues of the author.
"Uh, bih, this ain't Windex. This is my portable shroom launcher. This shit is laced with the strongest shit I can find, I use it in place of pepper spray, but if you need to get high it'll work in a pinch"
"I'm on board if it'll get us by until the inevitable sequel to the Christmas special!" Yang said realizing this shit is basically a fucking snuff film at this point.
"Uh, who wouldn't want that?" Rose said, spraying both Yang and Neo with her crazy drugs.
"Basically everyone, nobody really asked for this shit." Yang said
"Yo but like, the dragons man!" Neo said already tripping off of her lady-balls. You see in the past year her tolerance had gone to shit.
Rose couldn't help but laugh, she was a connoisseur of crazy after looked pissed beyond belief, and in her old age anger had turned to a drug fueled rampage and bloodlust. She looked as if she was going to swoop from her perch above the Jurassic Park movies and tear out the throats of the innocent and plunge the world into an age of darkness that would never end. Although dear reader you shouldn't worry. #1 because this is obviously fictional you fucking dim wit. And secondly because Rose had just the thing to calm her batshit crazy Keith Richards look alike wife. You can find this in the depths of Urban Dictionary. I of course am referring to...Square Fingering.
Winter coughed, "I don't know if you forgot this, but Tigger is still out there… with an AK-47!"
"I lost my name! I gotta go hunt that motherfucker. Last time I had to track it down to the train tracks and gut my refrigerator to find that son of a bitch" The nameless one said. She was very short and was reminiscent of the 2nd best type of ice cream. Her name escapes me though. Almost as if I am on the same amount of LSD she is.
"You got to have some bounce!" Tigger yelled, shooting into a crowd of infants and orphans.
"Oh my god! That monster!" Someone from the crowd yelled.
"Don't worry, they're orphans. It's not like anyone will miss them" someone else quipped back.
"Who gives a shit about orphans? He shot the cabbage stand!"
"Yes but not the cabbage patch kids and that's all I actually care about" The truck driver said, back from whatever chapter we left him in.
"Ay mon, we do what we want to do, chillin' and shittin'" a suspiciously racist character from the same chapter piped up.
"Aye, you Jamaican Bahstahd. You left me to die in that Walmart!" an Irish woman yelled, from seemingly out of nowhere. By nowhere we mean a completely different story we've long since abandoned.
"Yo what the fuck, who are you?"
"I don't know, I don't know who the fuck is even talking at this point." A character that looks suspiciously like the author mentioned.
"You know what, fuck you, you complain again and I'll draw a goddamn roadmap for you," A redhead screamed for no goddamn reason.
"Nah, I'm winging this on some Project Citizen shit." The blonde one said flashing back to 7th grade.
"This is what happen when we go on seperate coke binges"
"I told you, pack of Parliaments and you do a bump. First timers should not go for rails on some Scarface shit. It's like you fuckers don't know how to dose"
"You know what, it's not my fault I got robbed by a tweaker. Sure, all I had was 2 dollars and a box of Thin Mints, but it still happened,"
"Ain't a fucking tweaker this side of Apache Junction that would turn down Girl scout cookies. The strain or the actual cookies."
After the redhead mentioned Thin Mints something… perplexing happened. Out of nowhere marched about 40 girl scouts, all wearing a sash covered in disturbing merit badges. They carried Desert Eagles and stood foot to foot, feet shoulder width apart. A larger woman yelled, "Cookie Brigade, fire on that fucking tiger."
So that's what they did, blasting shot after shot into Tigger, ripping him to shreds, chunks of orange fur and blood flying all over the place, getting in the author's hair.
"Gross," the redhead said.
"I'm turned on by this," the blonde said, confused as to what exactly turned him on, the gore or the Roman soldier like efficiency of 18 year old girls in colorful uniforms. They're not exactly Muslim women, but hot nonetheless.
Rose turned to Winter, "Did… did that even happen? Or am I high?"
"Both!" Neo said after finding her name.
"I have no words. What the fuck," Winter was shocked, despite being married to a walking acid trip.
"What the fuck, you're married to my sister the goddess of chaos and spoiler of virgins, THE master of abortions." Yang replied confused.
"Fuck the what, when do the Chinese come into this?" Rose hung up her phone, "I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"
As if on cue the smell of dumplings and garlic filled the air as hundreds of the yellow slant eyed fucks fell from the sky.
"We come in peace from the great sky Gods. We must ask question of you, Ms. Rose, we hear you have, how you say, good kung fu moves to teach us?"
"What the actual fuck is happening" Yang said.
"I think they are attempting to set up a Halloween special but going about it fucking horribly" Neo replied obviously too high to realize we know exactly how to set that shit up.
"What happened today was both incredible and bad, so we'll call it incredibad," Rose hummed the fittingly specific song while staring at the Chinese men.
"Give me horse cock, of course cock." Neo hummed for no fucking reason at all.
"Oh shit, we doing karaoke now?" Rose pulled a mic from her tits, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is RWBY Number 5"
One, two, three, four, five
Everybody in the car, so come on let's ride
To the liquor store around the corner
The fans say they want some White Rose
But I really don't wanna
Beer bust, like I had last week
I must stay deep, 'cause talk is cheap
I like Ruby, Weiss, Neo and Yang
And as I continue you know you feel the same
So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord
To me flirting is just like a sport
Anything fly, it's all good let me dump it
Please set in the trumpet
A little bit of Neo in my life
A little bit of Yang by my side
A little bit of Ruby is all I need
A little bit of Weiss is what I see
A little bit of Glynda in the sun
A little bit of Winter all night long
A little bit of Blake here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
RWBY No. 5!
Jump up and down and move it all around
Shake your head to the sound
Put your hands on the ground
Take one step left and one step right
One to the front and one to the side
Clap your hands once and clap your hands twice
And if it looks like this then you're doing it right
A little bit of Penny in my life
A little bit of Coco by my side
A little bit of Velvet is all I need
A little bit of Nora is what I see
A little bit of Pyrrha in the sun
A little bit of Emerald all night long
A little bit of Cinder here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
Trumpet!
The trumpet!
RWBY No. 5!
(ha ha ha)
A little bit of Melanie in my life
A little bit of Miltiades by my side
A little bit of Nebula is all I need
A little bit of Gwen is what I see
A little bit of Octavia in the sun
A little bit of Reese all night long
A little bit of Lisa here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man
I do all I do
To fall in love with a girl like you
You can't run and you can't hide
You and me gonna touch the sky
RWBY No. 5
"So we're just going to ignore the red mist of a tiger sitting in front of weirdly attractive cookie snipers?" Yang asked.
"Well that was the plan, but you fucked it all up Yang!" Winter scoffed.
"Since when is there a fucking plan to any of this?" Neo inquired inquisitively.
"Well you see, a long time ago there was a plan… well sort of… okay there never was, but there was a lot of porn and weed," Rose commented, matter of factly.
"I liked you better when you was Ruby Rose with the cheesy acts, who the fuck is Rose Miller?" Neo misquoted.
"Well, at one point the authors realized that they needed a straight man to Yang and Neo's antics, but somehow that got fucked up and ironically the once absurd and crazy characters became the straight men, er, gay women themselves," Winter explained.
"Ssshhh they aren't cleared to know that." Some weird government type dude said as he passed through frame.
"Oh shit, it's Will Smith! How you doing man?" Rose exclaimed.
"Bitch you thirsty please grab a sprite." Yang said realizing that for the rest of this """"chapter"""" she would be speaking in random song quotes.
"I'm sorry, were we talking about something? Will Smith flashed me and I kinda forgot what just happened,"
"I challenge you to a rock off!" Jack Black mentioned
"Wrong fucking medium and wrong fucking movie fat man keep it pushing!" The four weird lesbians exclaimed in unison.
"I want to go home, this is starting to get weird." Neo said growing more concerned that this isn't going to suddenly start making sense.
"Baby you know imma take care of you, cause you say you got my baby and I know it ain't true" Ol' Dirty Yang sang.
"Ramadamadamadingdong mother fucker," Rose yelled, "I just saw something!"Our heros looked off to the other side of the plaza and saw something that defied words. I mean I say that but Neo pretty much summed it up
"Yo why is King Kong playing ping pong with his ding dong in a pink thong?"
"I don't know, but I do know that I'm so down it ain't even funny," Rose pulled a ping pong paddle from in between her bing bongs, ready to beat King Kong in a match so she could take his ding dong and destroy Hong Kong.
"ROSE DON"T HIS SCHLONG IS THE SIZE OF A SKYSCRAPER!" Neo yelled.
"What's this bitch retarded, gimme back my 16 dollars." Yang rapped rather nasaly.
"I'm gonna fucking fly his schween there, watch me!" Rose yelled, "never challenge me to a game of 'break reality and everything in it'!" she screamed.
"You're as delusional as the people writing this!" Neo exclaimed.
"So what I'm hearing is that this is going to go down without a hitch because plot devices?" The stoned Circle J employee said throwing in his two sense. (inside joke)
SMASH CUT TO FUCKING HONG KONG ON FIRE
"Rose, what the fuck did you do?" Winter screamed in panic.
"We did categorize her as the god of destruction." Neo explained.
"YOU SAY GOD AND I SAY SA10!" Yang screamed in an eerily Marilyn Manson tone of voice.
"It's like my teacher taught me when I heard the crowd applaud. I thought I was an atheist until I REALIZED I'M A GOD!" Rose laughed maniacally, watching the citizens of Hong Kong run and scream in terror at the fucking apocalypse shit they're watching go down.
"She lives for the applause applause, applause." a now auto tuned Yang quipped back over a synth track while wearing a skirt of raw meat.
"Babe that's starting to smell could you go through another unnecessary wardrobe change" Neo said covering her nose.
"Now we must make haste, for there is work to be done at home base. I am a poet, and I did not know it." Rose was British now for some reason.#plot
"God damn them all I was told we'd cruise the seas for American gold. We'd fire no guns, shed no tears." Yang said in an Irish folksy tone.
"Ok now these don't even make sense are these just whatever is stuck in the heads of these fucking morons?" Neo asked.
"Ah my dear Neo, that's the secret. These interjections always were a manifestation of the mental abortions rattling around the heads of these fucks." Nico Di Angelo said stroking a bald cat on some Doctor Evil shit.
"Dude did you not hear what we said to Jack Black, wrong fucking story dude fuck off." Neo angrily said as she began throwing rocks at the pale faced little shit.
"Yo, be careful, that's a hate crime," Rose warned.
"It can't be I'm gayer than him." Neo replied.
"Oh shit, you right, we all gay here. Super gay. Like, the gayest gay to ever gay on the planet gay of gay planets," Rose muttered, getting kind of rambly.
"Ok if you fucking lesbians don't start entertaining us I'm going to do a lot worse than only letting Yang speak through random fucking songs on my Spotify." The blonde asshole writing this said. Threatening to make this shit weirder was all in all taken as an idle threat because frankly I'm the all knowing Irish narrator and I don't even know what level of fucking hell this is from.
"Rap battle." the redhead suggested.
"Excuse me, what the fuck?" the blonde asked.
"Rap. Battle."the redhead stated slower.
"No bruh I heard you but like….por que my guy?"
"It's not like it's gonna make it harder to understand."
"Fair point."
"Well fuck. I think we have no choice. So uh, couple teams?" Rose asked.
"Fuck no that's too easy and makes far too much sense." the blonde replied.
"Then… what?" Winter asked.
"Teams for the government mandated rap battle are as follows. Neo and the Truck driver, Yang and the stoned Circle J employee, Winter and the EMT, Rose and Jesus." The blonde explained. " Me and the narrator will keep score"
Dude what the fuck keep me out of this
"Fine, I'll keep score" he said in a huff realizing it's far too difficult to force a Leprechaun to rap."And because we hate the 2 people that actually read this we're gonna start with Rose and Jesus. My man, the myth, the legend, the son of the OG and the best damn carpenter this side of the Palestinian border JC you better bring this fucking house down."
THIS IS THE EPIC! RAP BATTLES! OF BULLSHIT!
"Yo my child, McSpin that shit *insert the Cowboy Bebop theme here* …..Yo yo yo, lets do this. Yo I said Hail Mary full of grace, set the motherfucking pace, the Lord is with thee and will bring these fucks to me on bended knee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb me! Yknow there ain't other fly as ya man JC. Holy Mary Mother of God, blessed me with my rockin bod. Pray for these sinners now and at the hour of their death, cause imma make them breathe their final breath. A fuckin men. DJ cut that shit." After Jesus spit the most fire verse a sleep deprived teenager could manage the dead came back to life and all sin in the world was washed away in the cleansing fire from Jesus' coming holy mix-tape.
"Jesu….I mean God da...Holy shi… DAAAMMMMN JC THAT WAS FIRE!" The dumbass who wrote that exclaimed. "Ok next on the mic we got our main man repping long beach, The Truck Driver!"
The truck driver stepped forward awkwardly. "Uh im actually from Toronto aye?.
"I don't care spit that shit cracker, the Arab Jew just brought the fuego." the overly proud blonde boasted.
"Uhh, here we go *insert some banjo cousin fucking music here* Yeee haww. Yeee, yeee, hawww git er done, lessgo. Eastbound and down, i'm about to bust on this clown. Im loaded up and fuckin. Im bout to do what they say can't be done. You see the smile I'm kinda having fun. Got a long way to go but yo imma get there. Im eastbound just watch ya boy bandit run. Ya betta keep that foot hard on the pedal, where you going you wont need them brakes." The Truck Driver blatantly plagiarized. "Uh, I guess stop the beat I ain't got nothing else."
"Yo Burt Reynolds gonna sue someone" Rose said hearing the second shitty verse from a the blonde idiot.
"No he ain't he's fucking dead," Neo said in an attempt to immediately date this chapter.
Rose chuckled, stepping up and pulling the mic from the truck driver, "Yo, this rap goes out to all my girls, who strugglin with identity and shit. To my fiddle partner, Satan, for teaching me how to kick it like the best of them. To my wife, who's anxiously waiting her turn. Yo, this goes out to everyone really. So let me begin. We begin at the start of time, world's are empty including mine. Eyes open in the universe, trillions ready to spit a verse. Big Bang and people start talkin' smack, shit started getting wack, people coming here trying to rap. I got my main man JC MCin' for me, I spittin straight fire like it's second nature for me, You're California and I'm a stray fuckin' breeze, bringing embers and shit ready to light these trees. Like hell you trying to step to me, y'all better start running while you're still free. I'm a goddess of a chaos, Loki's my bitch, I'm gonna show you exactly the fits I pitch. Grippin a mic like it's my line to life, coming up here with a mind of strife, gobblin' all ya like y'all just mice, I'm a cat not kitten, I won't play nice." Rose dropped the mic and stepped back, smirking.
"Wow that was some fire, and not just because it's the first one I didn't have to write it." the blonde said picking up the mic "But next time don't drop my shit. It's fucking expensive.
Neo twirled her parasol and picked the mic up from the ground, "
"Yooo, I'm the ice cream, wet dream, queen. Kiss ya career goodbye, cause my flow so cash money, and ya rhymes are trash honey, now ya better run that fuckin cash in a flash. Your flow is horrible and obscene, now bow down the the goddamn meme rhymes are wack, and now ya girl is sitting here ready to attack. Bitch ugly on the low key, face lookin like Shrek's donkey. You sitting on your horse so high, but get ready to fall cause it's time to say goodbye. Now that I've knocked you off ya block, I wanna say thanks for coming to my TED talk." Neo said smugly dropping the mic.
"Oh damn ladies and gentleman! What we have here is record breaking. That verse had something for everyone. Shrek, memes, roasts, and a new author that is somehow better than the both previous idiots combined. Are we hyping her up so she doesn't run away in terror from this clusterfuck? No! Also shut up!" The blonde said. "Next up we got the Political Paramedic of the Papal Persuasion and that's about all I got for alliteration so grab this mic and spit Mr. Cuckservative"
"I actually consider myself more a Libertarian"
"I consider you a bitch now spit that shit."
"Yo, I'm coming at you like a southpaw left, screaming all the way "Taxation is theft", Im lookin at you looking at me, like I come from the party of tea, I'm a Libertarian, Vegetarian, Solitarian, Limitarian fucking MC of an EMT. I'm yelling meat is murder, and I'm gonna knock those thoughts off ya girder. Your shits in a cage, but it's plain to see my flow's free range. You can say my morals have caved, but aint none of you getting saved. All men may be created equal, but that ain't the case is this shitty ass sequel, About to send you into a hell of an organic panic, feel the effects, cause you know you useless women are nothing but objects, Coming straight out KC, yelling fuck ya man JC I'm saving more lives than him you see? After I get done with this fake ass Klan, y'all gonna need a coroner's van." after painfully and awkwardly listing off some forced rhymes the Paramedic went to set the mic down but it exploded into a cloud of glitter penises.
"Yo that shit was fucking garbage." Rose said dropping a detonator.
"Mainly because I wrote it." said the blonde after getting back on his bullshit. "Next on the mic is the frostiest set of tits south of the north pole. Winter "I did not" Schnee "That coming"
Winter popped her knuckles, grimacing as Rose handed her a titty microphone. She put it up to her lips and cleared her throat, "I'd like to thank my wife, for getting the band back together again, and for Yang for being such a gracious loser. I hear a pop from the popping and locking my girl's doin', watching the rock rollin' and stoppin' like your heart's doin', toss my ass in a river and watch me float, because this bitch is on a boat. Captain of SS Kick Your Ass, I'm world class, I'm a famous bitch, skills on the mic like a witch. Throwin' slurs at ya, with a jangle of spurs at ya, digging my heels in, my music magic, it's healin', I ain't got time for sluts, but I'll make an exception, your mind's stuck in a rut? I'll give an exemption. I'm exceptional, I got the skills, my music is conceptual, makin' y'all feel sexual. Givin' you butterflies with my rhymes, livin in a crazy town in crazy times, breaking your verse down like an enzyme. Stick you in a Hearse like Tarantino, my words are murder I guarantee though, you standin' by like you are Lilo, ask your boyfriend I'll think he'll know."
"Oh fuck, Winter following her wife up with some bars. How's her opponent, the buxom Yang Xiao Long going to fare?"
"Bitch you thirsty, please grab a Sprite My Crips lurkin', don't die tonight I just want to dance wit' you, baby Just don't move too fast, I'm too crazy I don't shop at the mall, all y'all just Dumb mothafucka I'm a goddamn artist You can give me some markers and I'll draw you a closet And you know that it's GOLF Bitch go on and make the deposit My slick accapella sounds clever with the beats Boy I'm the deepest thing since potholes to ever hit the streets With the mic I'm like a dyke, can't no dude fuck with this You want your shit to blow up? Well I'ma stuff some dynamite in your ass crack I'll stop the alphabet at S and got it down to a T I'm sure your bound to agree You could date a stick of dynamite and wouldn't go out with a bang You couldn't make the fans throw up their hands if they swallowed their Fingers I'll make the roof hot like I was Rock Master Scott Your ass forgot, so just in case you don't remember me I'll run your brain around the block to jog your fucking memory Little bit of this, little bit of that (Little bit of this, little bit of that) Might dump a clip, where them niggas at? Might fuck your bitch, where the women at?" Yang quoted.
"Ok that can't count that's literally just like 4 different songs by actual artists" the blonde remarked
"Must be the drugs that got us thinkin crazy shit," Yang drunkenly slurred.
"OK now that we're done with this." Neo replied
"Groupies lining up to suck a baby's dick" Yang continued to slur.
"Wait man, like I didn't go" the stoner piped up. As he said it a loud shock was heard and an instant later his head exploded.
"No more time I'm late to pretend I'm a decent mother." Rose replied lowering a sawn off shotgun painted with animal penises. The utter lack of shock at this cheap cop out by the increasingly weary writer was interrupted by what can be best described as a satanic clucking. The group of lesbians and meaningless side characters look up to the sky and saw a 10 story metalic chicken like abomination. Fire shot from its eyes and the souls of the orphans we killed off earlier decorated its gizzard.
"What the fuck is that thing? What ass raping, bizarro world, Vegan wet dream is that? That's the ugliest mother fucker this side of the Mississippi, I swear with an ugly mug like that you could scare children. Elmo's fucking jealous of this pedo looking son of a bitch. I'm gonna kill it," Rose smirked. Her smirk and overly cocky attitude was interrupted by the giant cock (Dont you dare fucking laugh) launching a volley of metal feathers at her. Rose was hit and shot off into the sky within an instant.
"Oh shit, we gotta go after her," Winter said, panicked.
"Oh come on she's too much fun to write they can't kill her off" Truck driver said concerned. Rose owed him about 500$ from a backroom strip poker game and he was counting on that to make rent.
"Can, will, and am that bitch ate all the fucking doughnuts." the blonde said in a fit of rage due to the low blood sugar.
"I'm actually more concerned she lands somewhere and does something to break the universe. Lord knows this cluster fuck is already hanging on by a thread and no offense Winter but your lovely bride has always had a habit of walking up to the line and erasing the fucker" Neo explained.
"I don't actually like that one but seeing as she is one of my children and has been generous enough to keep heaven stocked with fresh souls we must go after her." Jesus said forgetting he was only brought in for a rap battle.
"CLUCK CLUCK"
"NOT NOW!" they all screamed in unison
"Cluck cluck?" the demon chicken whimpered.
"She went Weast-ish?" the truck driver pointed out "We just need to find transportation to get there." Yang luckily had just the thing and luckily it also fit with the song lyric speech challenge I gave us for this chapter.
"Why don't you come with me little girl, on a magic carpet ride. You don't know what, we could find." Yang sang in a Steppenwolf-esque manner.
"Babe! I love the impractical things you keep in your back problems in case of shit like this!" Neo excitedly yelled jumping into her arms.
"Wait just a god damned minute. How are all you fuckers going to fit on a fucking area rug." the ginger writer huffed. "I want a fucking road trip."
"I could actually go for some road head." Neo remarked hopping off the floating duvet as Yang stuffed it back into her bra. "Now only to find a car."
"Cluck?" the frankly piss scared demon poultry product inquired.
"I think my future KFC family meal has a point, you sir are a fucking truck driver, where the hell is your fucking truck." Neo said.
"Oh damn, forgot about that. Even though it's the only identity I've been given. My real name isn't truck driver, its _" dipshit tried to explain.
"Not giving you a backstory or even making you a main character dude, serve your purpose and give them a damn truck or I swear to god I will have you drown in hippo cum in the fucking Christmas special." the angry blonde remarked.
"Ya, ya. Its over here." the dejected dimwit said hanging his head while walking towards a school bus.
"Wait if you drive a bus shouldn't you be a bus driver?" Neo asked.
"Don't question it, shut up." Yang remarked in her best Dr. Wily impression.
"If we make him a bus driver then the memelords will thank him and he shouldn't be treated like he's people. Can't do that with any side characters. They get uppity and demand "rights" and "paychecks". Ungrateful bastards." the snarky ginger replied.
And that is where we end this brief revival. The gang of unimportant nobodies and our group of weird lesbians that in some way represent our collective fetishes walking towards a school bus to rescue the other lesbian who is just a manifestation of a bad acid trip I had in college. Until next time you fucking half wits I'm the needlessly Irish narrator signing off.
Goddamn, well what's done is done( for those playing the home game this is no longer a legitimate defense in California state court...learned that the hard way), I reckon. How you feeling Ghost?(need. beer.) He's doing great. This is, I think, our longest chapter(I'll show you my longest chapter ;) ) to date? It's been a long time and we really had the creative juices (um phrasing) flowing on this one. We're gonna get to work on the Halloween special eventually (look for that. Summer of 2056. That's when my license expires so I doubt I'll have anything better to do) and… why the fuck am I even saying this shit? No one cares, and if you're do you're mental.(mentally in love with the eye rape we give you) Whatever, I've been told asking politely for reviews and shit works(or call them fuck wits until they feed me shit) , and if I was you I'd totally do that.(I hate to advocate not reviewing but we are literally just gonna roast you.) Keeps us in business making the content you love,( love is a strong word) and if anyone is interested (interested is a stronger word) we're working on getting this chapter voice acted and it's gonna be beautiful (not) (beat me to it) . That's that for now, Ghost any last words for the audience before we bid them adieu? (Nipple salads) Close enough. Such a way with words that one. Well this has been this(story of my life) . Christ.(not even your god can save you now….although his son did spit some fucking fiiirre this chapter) Oh fuck thanks for reminding me, one last thing. Look out for the Silent Striker mix tape, (dear god I wish we were kidding) we're gonna actually record and produce the raps (you may take this as some kind of joke? It's not. Actually probably maybe the only serious thing in this whole damn chapter) from this chapter and post them online for free, (herpes is free as well just to put that in perspective) eventually planning to become an actual thing. (we got dreams of showbiz baby! ….well he does. I just want to touch Lionel Richie's dick) I'd say that that's gay, but it's probably the straightest gay thing anyone could want to do to be totally fucking honest with y'all.
AN 2: Pay no attention to this, dear reader, we're just trying to hit a number goal. Bullshitting this like our term papers, you better fucking believe that we used a thesaurus to inscribe our elongated appellation cardboard for our lyceum that we attended. (fuck yea, what he said)