How do you buff a god?

PLAY OF THE GAME:

Dancewithknives

As

Mercy

The Dusty streets of Anubis were filled with the sounds of gunfire. A team of six attackers had pushed the defenders back to the inner sanctum of the town's ancient temple. There, the defenders held their ground behind the old pillars and stacks of ancient brick while the attackers beckoned at the ancient doorway.

The time was ticking down, every push by the attackers was resisted by the defense, but only barely and with the liberal use of their ultimate abilities to keep the game alive. By luck, the attackers had captured 33% of the point already, and it would only take a mere 17% more and victory would be theirs.

Less than twenty seconds left, the attackers pushed forward. A large Russian woman with pink hair led the charge, her personal shield actively absorbed the incoming fire by the defending team and charged her heavy ion canon. The laser rifle opened up to full bore as she charged forward, punishing anyone careless enough to stay out of cover for too long. As the Enemy took cover, the attacking D. Va launched her mech into the defender's flank on a suicide run, engine and core of the machine going critical as it prepared for a miniature explosion.

Ana, an aging sniper backing up the attacker's lines, took aim at her charging tank with her wrist mounted nano launcher. She aimed for the giant woman's even larger posterior and fired. Like an injection of horse steroids, the nano boost entered straight up her rectum and supercharged the woman's cellular structure. The bladed spear-point of their charge, Zarya called out "Fire at will!" and launched a surge of artificial gravity into the center of the Defender's stronghold, ripping them out of cover and leaving them exposed in the center of the old temple.

The Defending team's tank raised his shield, but could only absorb so much damage as the attacking team summoned a sickly cat lady to the forefront. The wretch of a woman laughed as she flared out her long pointed fingernails and extended her hand, causing a massive blast of energy to burst forth from her hands and completely shred through what remained of the defenses.

With nothing else left, famed climate scientist and noted psychopath Mei summoned forth her last resort. She pulled her personal data assistant and drone from her climate controlled cryogenic tank on her back and threw him forward with the hope of halting the attacking team and weathering the storm for time to either run out or to save herself.

But, for as valiant as the deed was, it was in vain. Cybornetic Ninja Genji Shimada, who had spent the majority of the match jumping between the pillars of the temple like an autistic baboon on a sugar rush, dove to the ground and landed right before Mei. With a flick of his wrist, he deflected the drone back at the defending team, reversing its effect and adding insult to injury as the trapped defenders were frozen solid inside of the gravity well.

In the end, none were left standing. The Attackers advanced to the point, but when victory seemed all but guaranteed, the worst possible thing happened, and sent shivers down the attacker's spines.

The player log in the side of their Heads Up Display came alive, and either from the glorious anal pounding being so great that it completely destroyed the wifi connection at the Burger King that the defenders were stealing internet connection from, or the party leader causing the Five-Stack to disconnect after he threw his controller at the TV and accidentally quit the game, the defending team's roster shrank as player after player dropped out.

Praying to the gods of gaming, the attacking team begged for the game to continue for only a few seconds more so they could secure the victory before the match ended by default and their victorious spoils plundered from them.

Their prayers were answered, and when all was said and done, one player remained on the enemy team, the shadow of her former self, Doctor Angela (Mercy) Ziegler.

The attackers rejoiced, knowing that victory was now theirs as they took the exposed objective. Dancing, calling out catch phrases, victory squats, and one liners were said as they partied on the point and watched as the capture progress ticked up to victory.

34%

38%

40%

45%

In a vain objection to their victory, the final defender called forth her ultimate ability with a cry of "I will watch over you!"

The attackers burst out in a fit of laughter as the progress inched ever closer to victory.

46%

47%

48%

CONTESTED! 1v5!

The attackers were celebrating so hard that they didn't hear the crescendo of music growing ever closer until it was in the objective with them.

Zarya was the first to know that something was wrong. It was like a tune from her distant past, something from long ago that she only remembered in part, but something was off with it. It had been taken, violated, twisted into an amalgamation of what she had recalled it once being. Something that was supposed to bring her comfort was now akin to a serial killer humming a lullaby. She didn't like it.

She turned, and all she could do was stare in awe at the being that had graced their presence. She dropped her particle canon to the dirt and fell to her knees, only saying a single word, "Лорд."

Angela Ziegler, with one foot inside the objective, stood with a look of utter contempt and frustration on her face. She held the look of a woman who had been tolerating nonsense for far too long, and finally getting fed up with it she had decided that it was time to take the gloves off. Her halo was gone, and instead what adorned the angel's head was a yellow hard hat with a mount on the top. Attached to said mount was a DP-28 man portable machine gun, and sitting at the helm of said machine gun and riding on Mercy's back was the one and only Tachanka.

art/How-do-you-buff-a-god-743114748?ga_submit_new=10%3A1525267638 (Author's note. This site is fucking retarded. if you would like to see the picture, go to Deviant Art and type in the search bar: How do you buff a god?)

"Time to get serious!" he called. He racked the first round into his gun, and with that the first shot was fired . The rounds did not make a "Rck tak tak tak tak", like one would assume, but instead the weapon sang the National Anthem of the Soviet Union. The bass and balance levels were so high and volume set to maximum that it felt as if Vladimir Putin himself had taken musical form and was violating eardrums.

The last thing that went through Zarya's head -besides a bullet, that is- was a feeling of rage. Not at the prospect of defeat, but instead out of intense envy and greed. Jealousy of how lucky the woman was to be straddled between her idol's thighs.

Sneaky Spanish speaking cyber sleuth and Great Wall of Trump subverter Sombra ran in to join her team, but upon seeing what was contesting the objective turned around and immediately "Nope!"'d out of sight using her translocator.

The enemy team took evasive action to return fire, and Mercy took to the air, making strafing runs on the attackers, but never leaving the confines of the capture point.

took to the forefront to replace their fallen tank, but was left vulnerable as the mighty 7.62x54R rounds ripped through her defensive countermeasures and began ripping her mech apart. She turned, shouted for healing but was dumbstruck at the chaos that ensued.

Dr. Moira was on the ground, no large bullet holes mortally wounding her, but instead 10 well placed rounds and blown all of her elongated fingernails off. She was left sitting in the dirt, furiously filing the broken nails down and blowing the pieces away. Genji was hopping around like a madman once more, repeatedly demanding heals for his motion sickness. Ana, who normally couldn't hit a target standing still, had such sour luck trying to hit the bouncing ninja that she had somehow twisted the gun around a full 180' and shot herself in her only remaining eye.

No hope left, ejected from failing mech, just reaching safe distance as it exploded into tiny pieces. She raised her sidearm up and took aim at the Valkyrie circling their strike team, but instead of taking a shot , shethrew the gun into the air and ran away with her hands flailing over her head. She didn't get far, for around the corner that she fled was a claymore.

Their only chance left, Genji fought against his hypochondriac nature and lunged in front of his enemy. He pulled out his knife and began waving it around to hopefully deflect the heavy fire back to its sender. Unfortunately for him it was all for naught; because roses are red, violets are blue, and in Soviet Russia bullets deflect you.

The heavy anti infantry rounds first shattered his blade to pieces, and then took to him, shattering his armored chasis and blowing away all of his robot limbs, all until he was left leaning up against a wall with a single arm connected to the remains on his body.

He looked up at the angry Valkyrie and begged for his life, pleaded for mercy and cried to be spared by the person who had once saved him by using the only way he knew how.

"I need healing."

His suffering was ended with another 7.62 round to the head.

Angela set back down on the ground and surveyed the carnage that she had caused with a grin. The clock reached zero and overtime began slowly ticking down. From the ground, she saw Moira glaring up at her with a hatred that couldn't simply be described with normal human words.

Moira spat on the ground at Mercy's feet and, with her only slightly manicured nail, pointed at her and wretched out the word, "Ner-"

A glowing orange projectile met her stupid ginger face and caused her brain to evacuate. She sat with cross-eyes before slowly slouching to the ground. "Nerf this." Angela responded, blowing the smoke out from the barrel of her handgun.

There was a moment of silence as if the announcer Athena herself was dumbfounded by the glorious comeback that had just happened. Remembering that she had a job to do, the automated observer began to call out, "Double kill. Triple Kill, Quadruple kill, Only 90's kids will remember that kill, quin-tuple kill! "

Alexsandr detached his machine gun from the mount on Angela's helmet and stowed it behind his back. She released him and he slid down to the ground.

"My work here is done." He said, surveying the carnage before him.

Angela turned to him and gave him a tight hug, leaning up and giving him a kiss on the side of his helmet and leaving a dark red stain on the underside of the visor, a mystery for his other comrades to wonder and guess what had happened to earn the mark.

A cloaked head popped out from behind one of the pillars, and although invisible to the naked eye, Sombra popped herself back behind her cover and took a breath. That was insane, but it looked like it was all going to be up to her to snatch victory right from the jaws of defeat. She looked down at her gear and saw that her EMP was charged. She checked her magazine and racked an extra round into her gun just to be safe before she took a deep breath to prepare herself.

She began to sprint around the corner, beginning to say her trademark line, "¡Apagando las luc-!"but stopped when she ran face first into someone. She halted, not moving an inch. She was invisible, so there was no way they knew she was there, right?

The woman wore a balaclava and riot helmet. She had a large pistol in one hand and a looked to have her phone strapped to her wrist. Her clothes seemed to all be extremely casual, a sweatshirt, purple sneakers, and a pair of jeans that were far too tight, but at the same time had a large automatic rifle across her back and full ballistics vest on her torso.

"Guten Tag!" she said. She pulled her eyes away from the phone screen and looked right where Sombra was standing. She spoke like she was talking to someone who was standing before her and twirled the pistol in her hand like a maestro would direct his orchestra. In a soft and sing-song esque voice, she said, "If it runs on batteries, I vill see it~~~~~~~."

It was in that moment that Sombra realized that she was talking about her invisibility cloak.

"Ah shi-."

"TEAM KILL!"

Another man, this one likewise wearing unusually casual clothes along with his military gear and a helicopter pilot's helmet, ran out from the inside of the temple. He ran up to the woman's side and was about to apologize for being late until he saw the corpse of the decapitated cyberpunk cosplayer on the ground. He repulsed, like a woman who saw a rat just run by her side, and said, "Ew! I guess we won't have to worry about grenades now!"

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Tune in next week kids! Next on the docket is the super hot extra sexy spicy 18+ NSFW XXX rated porno between bastion and a twitch drone…