Hey everybody, lazy fucks here! How are you? This is pretty soon to be seeing us again isn't it? Well like we said. We have a plan! I mean kinda. But rest assured you'll be seeing us maybe partially kind of hopefully more regularly. This is entirely dependent on whether or not I get a second job again or if Wolfe gets back on his Coke habit. He used to do it straight up, but he switched to diet cause he's watching his waistline. I miss coke, but idk pepsi's been treating me well. Anyways, you all got a chapter to read dontcha Second one this year! New record for us.

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Neo ran through the desert at full speed hopping every hole ducking under every branch with precision timing. She went to school in this area and had run through this clearing away from bullies almost every day of her life. She knew every obstacle in there like it was second nature. Except you see the thing is. Plants like, grow? And like rain erodes the ground and causes new holes? So as Neo went to jump over a hole in the pitch dark she didn't realize the hole had gotten bigger and a tree had fell and shit was not the same. So rather gracefully Neo executed a move known by the kids today as "eating shit" and what my generation refers to as "getting rekted boii". She pulled herself up out of the ditch in an adrenaline fueled fury and continued to sprint towards the freeway although this time much more carefully, attempting to use the light of the moon reflecting off the light coat of fresh snow to guide her to the church of consumerism. As she ran she felt the ground shake with the multiverse ending of chicken little heading after her. Her chest was pounding and sweat was dropping in bullets from her exhausted face.

"Gotta make it, gotta make it." she muttered to herself.

"Gotta make it, gotta make it." The author muttered floating on a cloud of smug next to her.

"Wait...What the fuck….are you...doing here?" Neo choked through heavy breathing and vaulting over fallen trees.

"No, ya see, like, check it out. Like I stopped writing for like a week because as we all know I don't actually have the ambition to do this and I find more enjoyment in making myself and those around me suffer because I'm a piece of shit. But like also for some reason I'm coming back and trying to finish this but I'm hitting a severe block and I'm trying to do the standard comedy shit but also for some reason I like the idea of more descriptive and decent writing because frankly this entire thing is shit and I wanna try and be better, but the problem is this is only bad because I am." The clearly exhausted and overly emotional author said.

"Ya but where are we trying to make it to?" Neo asked.

"Walmart, I'm pretty sure I can wrap this up and jump to a fresh perspective if we can get there," he said furiously hitting his laptop.

"So then why don't we skip there? You are the author, and this thing is already a cluster fuck I mean you can basically do whatever you want." Neo said.

Neo slide down the other side of the freeway slope and scampered to her feet as she hit the parking lot. Vaulting and sliding over cars and pushing useless old crippled women out of the way she made her way to the garden section of the large store that might send a cease and desist if we continue to slander their name. She broke through the door and power slid around the door into the rest of the store and saw her goal towards the back. Outdoor section. She sprinted there and she heard more screaming from the parking lot and the thundering from what the ginger author insists we refer to as his "Giant metal cock". Yes. He's sooooooo funny. Such a great comedian. Truly ten outta ten. No sarcasm at allll. She continued to sprint and punch out the wet paper bags of dried skin and dead hair that drive too slow and take up too much of my goddamn time. Or the "elderly" as my boss insists I refer to them as. She finally reacher the aisle of her dreams. Guns, lighter fluid, propane, C02 cartridges, spray paint. Like a redneck armory. The ISIS bombmaker paradise. The aisle teenage boys jerk off thinking about. The aisle responsible for more lost fingers, singed eyebrows, and trashed hearing than actual tanks. She grabbed the magical duct tape I forgot to mention she had from...earlier? Fuck you she has it now. She grabbed a propane tank and duct taped all the Zippo* fine quality lighter fluid she could grab. Now of course Zippo* says you should only use their premium fluid in their premium windproof lighters, which are the premier and best lighters money can buy. That being said they are quite affordable and last a ridiculously long time. She taped the lighter fluid to the propane take and then attached C02 cartridges to it. When the chicken crashed through the door and through the store she knocked off the tops to the cartridges which launched the tank towards the chicken in a way that defied physics and pissed off anyone trying to make sense of this shit. She then rolled over the counter and grabbed a rifle and shot the tank as it hit the chicken. The tank exploded sending Zippo* fluid spraying all over the chicken where it ignited and burned for a long time with no oder as advertised. The chicken feel to an ashy heap crushing the garden section and all the useless fucking old people that should have been killed off decades ago.

Neo collapsed to the floor and took a deep breath.

*= we aren't quite yet there but we are truly hoping that this section will be sponsored by Zippo. Zippo lighters and premium lighter fluid; helping teenagers get high, and making Newports somehow taste even better since….idk since I was 15 and figured out they don't ID for the lighter in Walmart and don't ID for fluid in most smoke shops. Buy Zippo, unless they don't sponsor. In that case stick with BIC. Bic; official lighter of meth heads, fast food workers, and the phrase "Hey man can I bum one off ya?"

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Yang ran towards the IHOP seeking safety and an omelette. She cleared 6 lanes of traffic and an entire parking lot in about 37 seconds running entirely on hunger and hatred for Denny's. She reached the entrance and was immediately seated by IHOPS quick and friendly staff. Her order was taken in a nice, professional, and timely manner, and within a few minutes her food was brought out perfect and exactly how she ordered it. She enjoyed her delicious meal and coffee and paid the bill. However more importantly she tipped 20% which is what you should do regardless. Your food quality and speed isn't determined by the fucking waiter dude. It's the kitchen guys that make minimum wage to hate you and not spit in your food for 8 hours that control your order. All the waiter does is translate what you say into the language us kitchen workers speak. Hatred, sarcasm, and mostly Spanish. The waiter makes like 3 dollars an hour to deal with all your shit, all our shit, all managements shit, and still somehow clean everything. They don't even have time to get high with the rest of us most of the time because they're busy tending to you ungrateful fucks. So kindly from the kitchen workers tired of dealing with irritatingly sober Waitresses, fucking tip. None of that bullshit 50 cents to a dollar for a 40 dollar meal. 20% you fucking cheap fuck. If you can't afford the tip you can't afford to eat. Also your ranch dressing isn't that fucking important and I swear on everything that's holy if one more side of ranch gets sent back for being "too cold" I will ejaculate in your fucking shit you fat fucks. Choke on a hippo dick and die….wait where was I. Oh yeah. Yang ate and shit and she walked outside to see a collapsed Winter on the sidewalk outside the happiest place on earth.

We're not sponsored by Ihop I just love it there.

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Winter was running off the booze, her system doing whatever it did to get her sober fast. She theorized that her semblance made her sober up fast, but that was probably just bullshit. Anyways, back to the problem at hand. Winter was drunkenly stumbling through a local housing development, knocking over pink flamingos and getting flashed by weird old guys. At a point she was pretty sure she heard some Mexican gang shoot a baby, but that could just be a hallucination.

Distracted by the gay couple sword fighting with both their penises and giant penis swords, Winter missed the giant fucking flamingo. So she collided with the orange concrete leg, promptly crumbling the monstrocity down on top of herself. Winter had an exceedingly thick skull, her dad wasn't exactly the most careful with his children so she'd go flying off tall buildings without warning. Thankfully something something aura something something kept her safe and turned her skull into a veritable weapon. Also she was still hammered, so that helped.

The owner did not appear to be home, and so concussed and drunk she stumbled her way to the nearest wall and vaulted over it, and then face planted. If Winter wasn't Winter she'd probably suffer permanent brain damage, but she'd been lucky enough to avoid it all through some bullshit Rose installed inside of her skull. She crawled her way all the way to an IHOP she'd seen earlier, and collapsed outside. Soon out waltzed a titanic titty monster, who was Yang Xiao Long.

"You good?" Yang asked, staring down at Winter lookin' 50 shades of fucked up.

"B...b-yen bettah" Winter slurred, partially concussed.

"What happened to you?"

"I got attacked by a…" Winter trailed off. Yang snapped her fingers in front of Winter, bringing Winter back long enough to mumble, "giant flamingo,"

Before Yang could reply, there was an earth shattering explosion. A cursory glance would show that the explosion was over by a Wal-mart and there was exploding bits of metal chicken giblets all over the place.

Our cock's exploded all over the place with this one, I dont know if you could tell. Like seriously my dick is now gone and I'm currently trying to get a plane ticket to track that bastard down. Got my tranq rifle and my stitching kit lessgo. The shit I've seen, remember that xbox? Of course, thankfully, we found that coconut butter does actually help remove your dick from various household appliances. I think the toaster was the worst one...Says you, the industrial freezer was my least favorite. We real quick want to take the time to ask that if you enjoyed this, to drop a review and let us know. It helps out the story, and the writing process.