If he was surprised to find three men waiting inside the small jail, Jessop gave no indication of it. "Didn't have the guts to face me alone." His tone made it clear it was a statement, not a question, and that it spoke volumes about his opinion of his son.
"I no longer live my life alone. Having friends, those who support me unconditionally, is a new experience for me, but one I have grown quite fond of over the past year. I am not surprised the concept eludes you."
"Would have to be unconditionally. You got too much crap stuck to you for it to be anything else."
"If this was the sole purpose of your unannounced and most unwelcomed arrival in Four Corners, please get the process over with so that we may both move on with our lives."
Jessop gave Ezra a long hard stare. "You still look every bit the useless gambler you've always been. Thought you went 'respectable'?"
"My appearance and my status are not mutually exclusive. Given that your present attire is hardly befitting a lawman, or a gentleman for that matter, I do not believe you are in a position to cast stones."
"Seen your ma lately?" There was an even more unpleasant sneer on his face.
His tone made Ezra anxious for the first time, fearing for a moment Jessop knew information he had not yet learned. "I heard from her recently."
"Did you now? And how is the slut?"
Ezra held a hand up, holding Chris and Vin to their seats, knowing they would object to the comment, for his sake if nothing else.
"Mother's standards have risen considerably since her encounter with you. She is a wise woman who learns from her mistakes."
"Well we agree on one part of that - you were a mistake."
"That's enough." Chris was on his feet. "Ezra may be too much of a gentleman to tell you to go to hell, but I have no such reservation. If you ain't got a decent reason for being here, then I'm telling you to get out of this town."
"On what grounds?"
Vin was standing beside Chris, looking far calmer than he felt. "We can start with your treatment of the law in this town. Add on being disrespectful and untrustworthy as well. And mostly, we don't like your face."
Jessop got to his feet as well. "You know this supposed lawman of yours has warrants out against him? I could arrest him on the spot."
"Be a waste of time. Those have all been vacated. Got the paperwork signed by Judge Travis." Chris didn't bother hiding a gloating smirk.
"Bought off a judge - did you? Nothing you won't stoop to. You may have fooled these yokels, but I know better. You are a scoundrel and a cheat. Lowest form of life I know of. Associating yourself with Yankees and Coloureds - you're. Embarrassment to the Confederacy. You've never done an honest day's work, and you never will. Don't have it in you. Too lazy, selfish and immoral. Shames me more than I can say to know that I'm partially responsible for you being in this world, and if I could find the way to do it legally, I'd take you out of it in a heartbeat."
Ezra had no doubt his neutral poker face was not doing its job. He knew the blood had likely drained from his face, as he felt lightheaded and weak. The number of times he had thought those same sentiments about himself was too high to count. Recent months had begun to change his opinion on the matter, but hearing them now, from this man, brought it all crashing down on him. He was left speechless. And mortified to realize Jessop was going to see the effect he'd had.
"Mister, you just issued a death threat to a lawman. You have one hour to get your ass on your horse and out of this town before we lock you up and lose the key." Chris grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, tossing him towards the door. "60 minutes, and not a second more." He slammed the inside jail door, taking a deep breath to try to settle himself before turning back. Vin had moved a chair over behind Ezra and was gently guiding him down.
"Take a breath Pard. He's gone."
"He was wrong Ezra. We don't need to convince you of that - do we?"
Ezra slowly shook his head, forcing himself to focus on the conversation. "No Mr. Larabee. He was right. Or more accurately, would have been right in the past. The not too distant past. I am learning to accept that his comments no longer ring as true as they once did. That did not lessen the discomfort of hearing them spoken aloud." He smiled as he looked up. "I believe you made a very wise decision in barring Misters Sanchez and Wilmington from this confrontation. Given the marginal success you had at containing your temper, I can only shudder at the thought of their reactions."
"Don't have much patients with idiots. Never did - never will."
"Nor should you. Well, I believe this matter has been resolved -"
Chris cut him off. "You can't believe he's done?"
The door opened again before Ezra could respond. He was grateful for the arrival of JD and Buck, hoping it would make his own exit easier. They didn't seem willing to let that happen.
"Saw him leave. Looked mad enough to swallow a horn-toad backwards." Buck shook his head as he spoke.
"Running him out of town." Vin replied. "You see where he headed?"
Josiah answered as he walked in. "Went to the livery for a minute, then over to the saloon again."
They all stood quietly waiting for Ezra to comment. He was at a loss for what to say, and JD didn't help when he tried to fill the silence. "He can't be that mad at you just for being born Ezra. Don't make sense."
"You will learn Mr. Dunne, that a good many people in this world need little or no excuse to lay the culpability for their failures on another person, regardless of the veracity of their contentions of responsibility."
JD looked at him blankly.
"He means some folks just want anybody else to blame when the screw up their own lives." Chris translated.
"Oh, I figured that out. I just can't believe a pa would feel that way to his son."
"That faith you have in your fellow being serves your humanity well, but may prove detrimental to your well being over time my young friend." Ezra was quite done with being the centre of attention on this. "I have no doubt he is preparing to follow your directive Mr. Larabee. A bully generally prefers to avoid confrontation."
As much as he would have loved to be able to agree, Chris didn't see it that way. His telegraphs had confirmed the man's history as a lawman, and not one to be taken lightly. "Not ready to make any assumptions on that score Ezra. Until I see the backside of him in the distance, I'm not convinced."
"You are crediting him with far more fortitude than he deserves. This is not the first time he has confronted me, nor do I expect it to be the last. To paraphrase the Bard, he is sound and fury, and is best forgotten."
Vin didn't believe him for a moment. "Doubt you're going to be forgetting this anytime soon Ezra. You can't let it eat at you."
Ezra resumed pacing slowly in the now crowded space allowed by the jail. It both bothered and, in some way, pleased him that these men seemed to know him so well. To understand him. Maybe not as well as they thought they did, but certainly better than anyone else ever had. "Mr. Tanner, this is hardly the first time anyone has spoken ill of me, nor do I expect it to be the last. Had I not learned to rebuff the opinions expressed, I would have long ago ceased to have any self-esteem whatsoever. And I am quite certain no one who knows be would doubt for a moment that I have full confidence in myself at all times." He stood, secretly proud of himself at the fact the internal trembling was not visible, and made his way to the door, closing it quietly on his way out.
Chris looked at the others. "Does he really think we bought that?"
"No, but for his sake, we all best pretend we did."
"And keep an eye on him for a while." Josiah added to Vin's answer.
Sighing deeply, Chris nodded. "Just once, I'd like to have an easy day."
That brought a loud laugh from Buck. "Nah – you'd get bored."
"Maybe – but it would be nice to test that notion."
7-7-7-7-7-7-7
Smiling as he climbed the stairs to is room, Ezra gave the appearance of a man without a care in the world. What the folks below couldn't see, because he would never allow it, was the way he stayed close to the wall, leaning into lightly for support. The slow deep breaths were invisible, hidden by the loose drape of his unbuttoned jacket. And the hand in his pocket, presenting a casual and relaxed image, was actually there to keep the shaking from being obvious. The fact no one observing him saw any of that reflected the years he spent mastering the art of the bluff. He had often wondered if he even could determine for himself when he was sincere. Or if he ever was.
The tremors took over when his door was closed. He forced himself to make the few feet further to sit on the edge of his bed before hyperventilation took over. In short order he was gasping for breath, feeling the room begin to spin around him. He could hear the blood pulsing in his head as his chest tightened, With no conscious knowledge of the act he bent over, placing his head between his knees and trying to slow the process down. Only when he thought he was going to slide of the bed did he make a move, flopping back instead to stretch out. His head missed the wall by barely an inch, yet he was unaware of the fact. He lay still for several minutes, eyes closed, blocking all thoughts from his mind and thinking only of taking his next breath. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he reached the point his heart no longer was trying to escape from his chest. He opened his eyes, relieved that the room no longer spun, although he did feel he was looking at it through a fog.
It had been years since he'd had such an attack of nerves. There had been showdowns, beatings and gunfights since then. He'd been chased out of towns, arrested and even threatened with lynching on occasion. Even facing down Larabee after he'd run out on the men hadn't brought on this feeling. Nothing had sparked the anxiety those few minutes with Carl Jessop had inspired. It made no sense, but there it was. He could understand it if he had the least bit of respect for the man or thought that his opinion mattered. Those feelings, if they had ever existed, were long since history. He didn't know why what the bastard said got to him, he only knew that it did, and he hated that.
Needing the air, he made his way to the window, pausing before he opened it. That there was activity at the livery was not noteworthy. The fact that Buck and JD stood watching it like a cougar stalking prey was. He wasn't surprised to see a rider depart a moment later. Jessop rode slowly and deliberately past the two watchers. Ever from the distance, Ezra could see the sneer on his face. The total contempt. He could also see JD place his hand on Buck's arm in quiet caution. The simple act helped to keep guns from being drawn but did nothing to relieve the tension of the moment.
Jessop headed out, slowly making his way past the Standish Tavern, spitting again on the ground in front before spurring his horse forward. Nathan joined the duo on the street, watching the departure, while Josiah stepped out at the far end of town, keeping on eye on the departing figure until his was out of sight. He said a prayer that he would never have to see him again, doubting in his heart that it would be answered to his satisfaction.
Ezra quietly opened the window, allowing a cool fall breeze to blow the curtains back at him. Slowly, deliberately, he made his way to the wash basin, pouring fresh water in before removing his jacket and loosening his cuffs. The splash of water he scooped onto his face was tepid but felt cool against his burning cheeks. Nerves were giving way to anger, at the man who had dared to presume he could simply re-enter his world, and at himself for giving way to the emotions that were churned. That compounded as he became angry at letting himself get angry, and within moments he could feel himself losing control again.
He slammed his fists on the dresser, fighting the urge to throw the basin simply for the satisfaction of seeing it shatter. By this time at least one of the team would be downstairs, trying to appear casual, but in reality, watching for signs of trouble. The crash would bring who ever it was (betting money said Vin) running upstairs. He didn't feel up to creating an explanation that would not be believed anyway. Instead, he did what he had done countless times in the past when circumstances threatened to overtake his situation. He calmly reviewed his options, weighing out the choices to come to an ideal solution. Where this exercise differed from all past problems was in the possible solutions. One was missing from the table. Ezra knew that this time, no matter what might happen, running out was no longer an alternative. He felt unexpectedly satisfied with that realization and smiled at his reflection.
M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7
TBC