My god both my fans must be absolutely salivating with mild appeasement at this point. 4! Count em 4! In a row! And like We have plans to keep going and in the next month or 2 you might even get a whole bunch of new ones!...if my applications keep getting rejected and rehab keeps working for my hetero life mate over here that keeps fucking off to do God knows what! We're going to be unstoppable! We'll become the most popular fanfiction ever! A movie deal, a netflix show! The sky is the limit! Fifty Shades of Gray aint got dick on us! Fifty shades of my cock more like! Suck on that Jamie Dornan! The hair I shave off of my glorious 13 & ½ inch….foot, has more erotic stimuli than your whole fucking movie trilogy you fucking wet paper bag of a human...what was I doing again? Oh yea introing a thingy I wrote or some shit. Uh enjoy I guess? Fuck you I haven't been drinking for the past 2 days and my blood itches.

Line break_Winter_1st person

A lot of things had happened since I had plowed through pedestrians, most importantly I'd seen a giant flaming cross and insisted that we go get barbeque. Trust me, when it comes to BBQ no one is better than the KKK, the NAACP has nothing on the GOAT of BBQ. On our way there we passed a Ross department store.

"Come with me" I told my fellow gays, and I dragged them through the aisles, filled to the brim with cheap clothes and miscellaneous bullshit that no one wanted.

I found a section for linens, and we all bought ourselves white sheets.

"Why?" Yang asked.

"It's BYOBS"

"Byobs?" Neo was just as confused as her blonde butt monkey.

"No, Bring Your Own Bed Sheets, silly," I shook my head, "here help me find scissors."

After about 20 minutes of wrestling with white bed sheets, I finally managed to cut out eye holes, and they all draped them over all our heads.

"Will this really work?" Neo questioned, Winter's credentials.

"Yeah, I've been to plenty of these,"

Yang raised a hand, "Why?"

"Oh, you know, for the brisket."

"But it's the KKK" Yang protested.

"So? You eat a Chick Fil A" I pointed out.

"Yeah but their food is really good!"

"Exactly!"

"Fine but next time we're going to a Black Panthers BBQ to even us out."

With that confusing line of logic worked through to its illogical conclusion, we continued to march down the street in our sheets. The BBQ had a very large beefy guy standing at the front,

"Here for the BBQ?" he asked.

I went up first, "Yeah, we just got back from shootin' em Mexicans and calling ICE, mind lettin us in?" I said, in an over the top southern accent.

"Ah, a national hero! Right this way," The man made way for the 3 man band.

Yang walked up to me "Holy shit this brisket,"

"I know right?" I smiled, "told you"

Before we could gorge ourselves on more of this delicious ass food, I heard a clinking glass, "Everybody, I want gather you all here to celebrate, the new world we plan to make, free of jews, gays, mexicans, and blacks, after our final attacks. We made it snow, a white land we show, an ethno state for the ages, taken from Hitler's pages," The Cat in the Hat raised his glass.

The crowd cheered shooting rifles up in the air at a 45 degree angle. That might not have been such a good idea, as the KKK daycare that was in sight was shredded. Oops.

"Hey bitch," I stood on a table, pulling my bedsheet off me, "get a taste of my gay agenda," and threw a 40 at the Cat in the Hat, knocking him out cold.

"That was lame," Yang said, "''taste my gay agenda'" she snorted, mimicking Winter.

"Hey fuck you, it worked didn't it?"

"I guess," Yang shook her head.

"Now let's shut off whatever they're using to make it cold,"

I hopped off the table, benefitted by the shock the men saw at having their leader being knocked out by a white haired lesbian, but it let us escape… almost. Right as we were about to go into the suspiciously labeled building (it said 'no weather machine in here'), they all of a sudden lost their shit. Have you seen Kingsman? If you have, that scene in the church, if you haven't… well everyone was trying to kill us, and each other. This fucking bloodbath wasn't my concern, I told Yang and Neo to handle it, and they shrugged and agreed.

I opened the door, which was left unlocked, and saw this little generator lookin thing. It had a sign taped to it, scribbled in crayon "wether chajeen macheen". It had this cartoonishly long cord that wrapped around the entire room, finally ending in a socket in the wall, I walked over and unplugged it. I could feel the temperature rising rapidly, from subzero to 95 in a few minutes. Sweating and hot I burst out of the room to find Yang and Neo on their phones, bored out of their minds.

"Everyone just kinda… died." Yang told me.

Cool. Well thank god that's over with, no loose ends at all. Nothing left. Nope, nuh uh. We're done. We can finally go now.

Line break_Jessica_3rd person

As Jessica climbed through the wreckage of her second plane crash today she came to the realization that air travel was probably not her strong suit.

"Oh thank the authors! You're alive my lord!" Nancy yelled running over to Jessica.

"By the necessity of the plot and the plot alone I have made it through. But this attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed." She said pointing to the bruise on her left leg.

"My lord! That is truly awful. Surely you suffered the worst of the damage!" Said Nancy stepping over a the decapitated former pilot.

"Yes, I took the damage so that the rest of you would not have to. I tried to save your lives. Now how many of us are still alive?"

"Just 4. They managed to climb into the tank and salvage it from the crash."

"Yesss!" Screamed Jessica. "We still have the tank! Now we must find that rag tag group of lesbians and finish them off!"

"More good news ma'am! There was an explosion at a Walmart in this area! We believe it was caused by them!"

"Are you sure?" Jessica asked hesitantly.

"Yes Ma'am! We found the manager of the local IHOP was practically an exposition dump!"

"This is amazing news. This is why you are my most trusted commander."

"Thank you ma'am. Now if you're rested and ready the tank is ready to go."

"Yes let us embark." Jessica said with and evil grin.

As the the tank thundered down the road knocking other cars out of the way and causing a traffic back up worse than normal Jessica and Nancy were mentally preparing for the battle ahead. It would be a quick one because the writers are lazy, but a decisive one.

"I'm starting to have my doubts." Nancy said worried.

"Child don't worry, we have the advantage." Jessica smugly replied.

"How, these are the main characters. We may have a tank but in my heart I know these lazy fucks writing this are just going to deus ex machina some shit and we're gonna die."

"You don't understand. We have become like Elmo. They can't kill us. We are part of the ever growing rogues gallery that this shit has."

"Who is to say we will last? They could easily kill us and create some new villains."

"I wasn't going to say this, but...we have a secret weapon. An X factor in our favour."

"What is it my lord?"

"The authors grow tired and weak with each passing keystroke. The long hiatus has taken it's toll. The updates are few and far between at this point due to factors like jobs and lives. They cannot keep this up forever. This has to end. It is in our favour. If they use us to kill off those 4 wacky lesbians. They can stop writing this and move on, and we will be victorious."

"My lord. That is wonderful news!"

"Yes it is. Now get ready my child. For this next chapter will be our time to strike."

Who needs coke when I can write? OH THIS FEELS GOOOOOOD. Not to fucking mention, you all get to experience our creative genius weekly! How does that feel? I know, no need to thank us (but you should).