Chapter 5
Kisuke rubbed at his face, sighing quietly against his skin.
Things had been going great. After a year, Yoruichi was finally back from her impromptu travel to Europe (and he's never forgiving her for just dumping the Shoten on him as a goddamn gift and fleeing the continent, asshole!), he now had real workers around the shop who knew what to do, Tessai-san's vacation was finally over, and…
And Ichigo was avoiding him.
It was two weeks since Ichigo last stepped a foot into the Shoten, and last time he had come, he'd barely spent five minutes in the shop before (fleeing) leaving again.
Kisuke… had missed him. Much more than he'd expected to.
He wasn't stupid. He knew he liked Ichigo. He knew he could come to even love Ichigo, as Yoruichi-san had asked him in the silence of the night, when they were lying side by side on the floor of his home, breath short from laughter and speaking too much.
But… he had also thought he'd be okay in just being friends with Ichigo. Like he'd been okay being just friends with Yoruichi-san, so long ago. And now, Ichigo was taking some time, and Kisuke longed for him like he'd never longed for Yoruichi-san. He craved Ichigo's presence. He missed Ichigo so much it was almost a physical pain. It was…
Stupid. Annoying. Terrifying.
It made him feel alive.
Except, Ichigo was ignoring him, and Kisuke wasn't even sure about why, and here he was — not brooding, despite what Yoruichi-san said. Just. Thinking. And leaving the shop in the (very capable, thank you very much, he'd trained her himself) hands of Yuzu-chan and Tessai-san.
He was just thinking. In silence. And alone. In his bedroom.
(Okay, maybe he was brooding)
Of course, Yoruichi-san always had the greatest timing, and just as Kisuke grudgingly admitted to it, she appeared like magic, plopping down on the bed by his side.
"So." She started, poking his cheek. "You done brooding?"
For fuck's sake, was this woman a witch? He smiled wryly, shaking his head.
"Not brooding," he answered anyway, because it always made her grin, and he still loved her grin, loved the way she made him feel cherished. "But. Yes."
"Good. Now we plan." She nodded fiercely, dark hair pulled up in a ponytail, and golden eyes shining with mischief.
"Plan what?" he asked dreading her answer, even as he sat up with a small grin pulling on his lips.
"How to get your man back, of course!" She said with laugh in her voice. "When you first mentioned him, I thought it was just a passing fancy, you know."
He grimaced. "I don't do passing fancies, Yoruichi-san," he pointed out, and she nodded.
"Yeah, I know, but, well. One can hope. And you were always so… intent on meeting your soulmate, I thought, well." She shrugged.
He also understood it. He'd thought so, too, in the beginning. He didn't do passing fancies, but he did flirt for no reason at all but to amuse himself. He was bad at relationships, always hoping for The One, but he'd had some… experiences, too. They'd both thought that Ichigo was just one of those experiences that just just grew more important than Kisuke had expected.
But… it wasn't. Kisuke hadn't even flirted with him all that much. Instead, they'd mostly… bantered. And talked. And shared. And still, Kisuke found himself completely entranced by Ichigo and his fierceness.
"Well. Like you said, a soulmate can be anything," he said quietly, looking up at the ceiling. "But Ichigo… he's more. He's worth it. And, who knows. Maybe my soulmate is a kid, and I'm meant to adopt him." He teased, thinking of Tessai-san and his children.
He took a deep breath, and added under it: "But I'd still been hoping he could be my soulmate. I've been… I've been seeing it. Like, I've been seeing my scars on him, and I just. I imagine. Us. With matching scars. Us, sharing the tales behind each and every blemish, the story of each scrapped knee, the…" he derailed, thinking about, but unwilling to mention the marks of soulmate-bond. The runes for One and Forever, etched in their wrist and clavicle.
Yoruichi-san nodded anyway, a solemn look on her face.
"Yeah," she murmured. "Yeah, I know what you mean." She glanced down, and Kisuke looked down with her, getting a peek of the edge of her tattoo, blossoming around her middle like a taboo thing, and Kisuke remembered that. Remembered her decision to break the rules and do something, even if it meant offending her then-unknown soulmate. Remembered her fierceness and focus as she held her ground and forced someone to mark her up, even without previous knowledge of her other half. Kisuke remembered that, and knew she did understand, because she'd done it as an act of rebellion as much as an attempt to bond them together, he knew.
(He hoped her Soi-Fon appreciated it. He knew Yoruichi-san loved it, loved the way the flowers blossomed into stars and faded in the night, and he'd always respected her for it. So, yeah, if one wanted to be with Yoruichi-san, they should appreciate her in all she was. Including her one-sided decisions and terrible habits.)
She gathered herself visibly, and smiled up at him. "But, you know that's not required, right? If you love each other… then, it doesn't matter, if you're soulmates. You can be something special, even without fate saying so. You can be even more special, really, some would say. And… you're clearly dear for each other."
Kisuke smiled wryly, looking down at his hands, and thinking of tanned ones under his. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."
He sighed. "I just wish Ichigo could see it too."
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, leaning into each other and just thinking — Yoruichi-san probably plotting, the devious minx she was, and Kisuke trying not to fret over things that weren't meant to be —, when the silence was broken by a shy cough even as he saw Yoruichi-san's start leaning in.
"So…" Yuzu-chan murmured, blushing as Kisuke looked at her standing unexpectedly in the doorway, and how did she even get here, but also grinning wickedly like it was a weapon. "I have an idea."
.
Kisuke looked around curiously, walking slowly to an empty table by the end of the Café, the area Yuzu-chan had said was Ichigo's serving area.
Kisuke realized he'd never come to this coffee shop before, despite the fact they were more or less neighbors. It was a block away from the Shoten, but whenever Kisuke wanted coffee, he always went to the one downtown, the one Yoruichi-san had first introduced to him.
It was… strange, thinking that Kisuke might have met Ichigo earlier, if only he'd just changed the place where he bought his coffee.
He shook his head slowly, a wry smile on his face, as he lowered himself to the chair. He took the menu on the table to peruse, knowing he should at least try to have something, even if his stomach felt like a big mess of knots right now.
He was just reading the options of sweets (they should buy them from him. Maybe he and Ichigo could talk with the Café's owner, at some point. Kisuke could make them a good deal, since Ichigo worked here), when someone finally came to take his order.
Kisuke looked up, hoping to find bright carrot-orange hair and brown eyes turned into a frown. He wasn't disappointed.
"U…Urahara-san?!" Ichigo spluttered, frowning harder. "What are you doing here?"
Kisuke smiled and raised the menu. "Why, I thought I'd grab myself a coffee. Isn't this a Café, Kurosaki-san?"
Ichigo continued to gape for a moment more, before shaking his head and muttering something Kisuke couldn't understand, and nodding slowly.
"Of course. So, what will you have?" He asked with forced professionalism, and Kisuke had to applaud him for it. It was almost convincing.
Kisuke smirked, leaning forwards and deciding to test it. "Well, is the waiter an option?"
Ichigo blushed the most perfect shade of red, right to the roots of his hair, and Kisuke grinned broadly, delighted in having got such a response from Ichigo.
Then, of course, Ichigo scowled, and put a hand on his hip, all annoyance and burning temper, and answered in a dry voice: "I have a cop on my fast dial, and I am not afraid of giving him a call."
It took him by such a surprise that Kisuke barked out a laugh before he could even try to hide it, so relieved that Ichigo was at least still willing to banter with him.
"Well, if that's out of question, then I guess I'll have a mochaccino," he offered with an exaggerated put-upon face.
Ichigo rolled his eyes hard, and noted it down. Adding, under his breath, a comment about, "And a bagel, because you never eat anything." Which Kisuke supposed he could allow.
When Ichigo left, Kisuke spent maybe a bit longer than he'd like to admit just staring at Ichigo's retreating back (those pants fell very nicely on him), before rubbing at his lips.
Kisuke… had taken the initiative. But, he hoped it wouldn't be just this. He was glad to see that Ichigo was at least willing to be his friend, but… the way he'd blushed at Kisuke's (admittedly bad) flirting, and the way he hadn't completely shut him out… It gave Kisuke hope.
When Ichigo came back with his moccachino, Kisuke didn't take much of his time, thanking him and saying a simple, "I've missed you," before asking him to stop by on his break, because he'd be waiting.
He would be waiting. Kisuke had decided, before stepping a foot here, that he'd wait for Ichigo, no matter what. That Ichigo was worth it. That…
He breathed deeply, sipping at his drink slowly once again, and trying not to think of what he wanted to do with Ichigo, lest he build up hopes that would be crushed.
(He still couldn't keep himself from dreaming of warm skin and brilliant grins, hard as he tried)
What could have been minutes or hours later (Kisuke had always considered himself a patient man, but this had turned out to be a particular method of torture not even he was prepared for), Ichigo finally stopped by.
"Please," he nodded to the seat on the other side of his table, staring at Ichigo with his best puppy-eyes.
Ichigo caved not long into it. Kisuke hid a smirk behind his mostly empty cup, and sent a silent thanks to Yuzu-chan, for teaching him that.
"So, really, what are you doing here? You've never been by, before. How did you even know the place?" Ichigo asked with a small frown.
Kisuke grinned, and answered with his best nonchalant voice, "Why, Kurosaki-san, we are neighbors!"
Ichigo kept staring at him, clearly unimpressed, and Kisuke allowed: "Okay, and perhaps I wanted to see you."
Ichigo sighed, but Kisuke was glad to see he also blushed, just slightly. "And the shop? Did you just leave it empty?"
"Nah," he shrugged with a grin. "Yuzu-chan is manning the kitchen with Karin-chan's help, and Tessai-san and Yoruichi-san are manning the front."
Ichigo stopped so completely, that Kisuke feared he wasn't even breathing.
"You left Yuzu in charge of the kitchen." He said after a few moments, staring at Kisuke as if Kisuke were crazy.
Kisuke grinned even broader. "Yes. She's been doing it for the past week and a half, really. You missed so many opportunities to tease her for all her mistakes." He pointed out, thinking of burnt cookies and hard cakes. "It was quite adorable, actually."
It was just because he'd been watching for it that he could see how Ichigo flinched slightly before softening, looking down with a small smile and nodding. "I'd like to have seen it…"
Kisuke sighed, leaning forward to touch a hand to Ichigo's wrist. "You still can, Ichigo-san," he said, taking a risk. "If you just came back. Yuzu-chan is still baking every day, and Karin-chan still stops by every other day, and your place is still open, and I'd love to see you again. I once offered you a job as a joke, but I'd love seeing you every day, if you'd let me. We missed you around the Shoten. I missed you."
Unless Kisuke had lost his touch, that — that light he saw in Ichigo's eyes — was hope.
And he could work with hope.
(Even if he just wanted to reach over the table, pull Ichigo closer and kiss him senseless)
"I… I'll come back," Ichigo murmured, voice thick and heavy. "I swear. I just. I thought you'd… like some time… with your sister."
Kisuke blinked slowly, cocking his head to the side. "Yoruichi-san? Well, yeah, she's my best friend, but it doesn't mean I wanted you away? And, well, we've realized at some point in our relationship… probably when she almost got me locked in jail for one of her stunts… that we work better with a great amount of breaks between our interactions. Or with someone else acting as buffer."
The way Ichigo blushed and ducked his head, muttering under his breath, made Kisuke stop short.
Wait.
"Were you jealous, Ichigo-san?" he asked, wondering.
Ichigo's reaction was golden, and Kisuke felt his heart fill with so much hope it would burst at the nearest opportunity.
"I need to go!" Ichigo snapped, rising from his seat rushedly.
Kisuke smiled and took his wrist. "Please, Ichigo-san. Come back to me?"
Ichigo looked down, and nodded slightly. "Yeah."
Kisuke felt good enough to let himself leave.
.
After Kisuke's ambush, things went back to normal. The Shoten continued to prosper (and Kisuke was still half amazed and half dreading its ever growing family. He loved them to death, of course, but the fear it would all fall down…), Kisuke now had more time to bake and less headaches from dealing with costumers, what with Yuzu-chan learning baking from him and Tessai-san back to work; Yoruichi-san continued being a damn minx, and Ichigo-san was back.
To being his friend.
Which would have been fine — had Ichigo-san rejected him, that is. But with all the mixed signals floating around, Kisuke found himself growingly frustrated with things as they were.
He'd held to hope with such force that he refused to let it go for a mere dismissal. Kisuke had finally decided to take a chance — and take a chance he would, even if it ended up with a broken heart.
As soon as he knew how, at least.
But, as Yoruichi-san said: "best approach with the Kurosaki boy is the direct one." (Yuzu-chan had laughed herself silly at that one, and Kisuke had hidden a smile the whole time. Yoruichi-san only knew Ichigo-san for such a short time, yet, she already had him down to a pat. Oh boy. He'd be pissed, Kisuke thought fondly). Which led Kisuke to Ichigo-san's work yet again, at Yuzu-chan's pointed smiles and Yoruichi-san's insistence.
Standing around in the late evening, hands deep into his pockets and itching for something to do to will away these last few minutes, Kisuke realized that his famed patience wasn't as infallible as he'd always thought, after all.
Standing around waiting ate away at his nerves like nothing else. He had so much time to doubt himself, to second think everything, to regret the choice of even coming here… The silence and emptiness around him offered fuel to his self-doubt, and he suddenly had so many what-ifs and he's better without you floating around his mind it physically hurt.
But he stayed anyway, holding on the wisps of courage he'd never thought he had. He stayed, and clenched his teeth and tried to ignore the voices inside telling him this was all doomed from the start, and waited, despite the way his heart skipped in his chest when he saw Ichigo-san moving inside the Café.
Seeing Ichigo-san at work, watching him cleaning and closing up, was a strangely relaxing thing, he noticed. Even with his heart beating twice as fast as recommended, and his throat closed up with everything he wanted to say, Kisuke found himself grounded. Calm. He was nervous, full of emotions and doubts — but also void of fear, for once in his life, and faintly determined, and he prepared himself to speak as he saw Ichigo-san handle the last glass on the last table to clean. Just this one more, and he'd come out. Just this one more, and they'd talk.
Kisuke realized he was okay with it, whatever fate awaited him. Even if he was rejected, he at least could hold to the comfort of having tried, and Kisuke finally understood what Yoruichi-san had always told him: waiting for his soulmate was all well and good, but by doing so, he was losing so many chances to try and be happy.
And this… this was one of them. This was Kisuke's best chance to try and be happy; this rude man who didn't care about soulmates one way or another, who frowned and smiled with the same ease, who cared so much he worked himself up over a simple request. Kurosaki Ichigo was his best chance, and Kisuke realized he wouldn't have it any other way.
So he smiled, leaning forward to reach for the door handle (and who cared that Ichigo wasn't done yet. Maybe they'd excuse him if he interrupted and stole away one of their employees. It was closing time, after all, and everything was already mostly put away, anyway), when he saw the glass in Ichigo's hands fall to the ground.
He winced reflexively, and stepped closer — they wouldn't refuse help, would they? Kisuke knew he never refused —, when Ichigo reached down and, in a moment of uncommon clumsiness, managed to get himself cut on the glass shards on the ground.
Were Kisuke not looking so intently at him, he'd never have realized, but — there it was. Ichigo's hand, flinching back reflexively, finger coated in red. And Kisuke winced.
… He blinked slowly. Looked down.
It must be wishful thinking, after all. Just like he'd wishfully thought about those scars on Ichigo's hands. Just like he'd thought about the edges of ink marks on his skin and always wondered what his soulmate did that required so much writing (and then found out Ichigo was a med student and thought, yeah, that'd fit…). It was all wishful thinking.
Except, there, right on his pointer-finger of his right hand (a hand he had much less scars and where any stray one always stood out. A hand he barely scarred, because he always did anything with his left hand first, and Yoruichi-san had always teased him for it, saying he should just look for a right-handed person with scars on their left hand, after all): a cut. A bloody-red cut, fresh and clean.
And he'd just felt the sting.
He looked up again, and for once he was thankful that Ichigo wasn't giving him his whole attention, because… Because he just couldn't think. He couldn't…
His breath was falling short, the sound of it much too loud and irregular in the quiet of the street, and Kisuke stumbled back, clenching his eyes closed forcefully.
He raised his right hand to his lips almost unaware, biting softly over his new scar, and flinched hard when he didn't feel any pulling as he should have if it had been one of his own cuts, however it might have been produced.
This was… A bleeding through. A mark of someone else.
He choked out a laugh that sounded terribly like a sob.
It seemed like he'd found his soulmate, after all.
.
Kisuke knew he'd been rude, pushing Yoruichi-san off and out when he got home, but he just couldn't deal with it, not right now. He needed space, he needed quiet, he needed to think.
He paced around his bedroom unquiet, hands trembling as he worked one through his hair with growing unrest. Shit, shit, shit.
He'd found his soulmate. And… and it was Ichigo.
He laughed again, just as brokenly as before, and he still didn't know if it was actually a laugh or a sob that wouldn't come out.
It was Kurosaki Ichigo, and this should be a fucking dream come true — because this was everything Kisuke had ever wanted —, but… but this was Ichigo. Who had held Kisuke's burnt hand in his in their very first meeting, who'd treated to his wound as an apology, who'd always flinched back from Kisuke's touches, and…
And who'd kept quiet. For three whole months, he'd kept quiet.
This was every single dream Kisuke had held come true — but maybe this was all a giant nightmare, for Ichigo. After all, Ichigo'd told him, in one of their conversations, about how he didn't like soulmates. About how he hated the idea of Fate.
Maybe… maybe Ichigo had decided that this meant Kisuke wasn't for him, then. Since something else had marked them. Maybe Ichigo's hatred had run so deep he'd…
But — Kisuke hoped, flittingly. But he'd also kept coming. He'd known from the very beginning that Kisuke was his unwanted soulmate, yet he… he kept coming to the Shoten. He kept coming to Kisuke. He was against soulmates, but he'd… he'd become Kisuke's friend all on his own. He'd offered Kisuke everything he'd never known he wanted for no reason at all but… but his own choice.
And maybe Ichigo didn't like the idea of being intimate with his soulmate, but… but Kisuke could at least hope, couldn't he? Because Ichigo had been there. Ichigo had been there for him. And Ichigo… Ichigo had seen him through his lowest and his best, and he hadn't run away yet. He'd held on, silent and comforting, even when Kisuke had broken down from loneliness, from missing Yoruichi-san like an ache. Ichigo had offered him his life and opened the doors to his family, and had allowed Kisuke to treat them as his own, knowing Kisuke didn't have much he held precious. Ichigo had… Ichigo had been there. Through thick and thin. He'd been there, sharing stories and loneliness, talking about nothing and everything at all, and maybe… and maybe Ichigo didn't like soulmates, but he'd reached out.
And Kisuke could hold on to hope, if nothing else.
He breathed shakily, rubbing a hand over his lips as he swallowed a broken hiccough.
He hated this fragility wreaking havoc inside, hated how he loved Ichigo so much he'd been ready to give up on his soulmate just to discover he'd had him in his reach this whole time. He hated that he loved Ichigo so much he could even agree with the cunning of the plan, of growing to love without knowing about their bond.
He hated it all…
But he was hopeful.
(And he hated that even more, if he were honest with himself)
"There's only one way to find out," he murmured, needing to hear a voice to push him all the way into his decision.
Because he had hope, and unless he acted on it now, he knew he'd just leave it to dwindle and fade, and then he'd run. And he didn't want to run. Not anymore.
So he grabbed the sharpie he'd left by his bedside table for the very same reason he planned on using now — for a hope long-forgotten of reaching out to his soulmate; one which he'd started to act many times, but always gave up on, too afraid of the possible answer —, and positioned the tip against the back of his right hand.
Go big or go home, they say.
'So. Any chances I can take the waiter home now?'
He held his breath, and hoped it would be enough. Hoped Ichigo would recognize the words spoken in jest last time he'd gone to Ichigo's work. Hoped…
Not three minutes later, his phone rang. He took a deep breath, and took the call.
"Kisuke-san, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hide it for so long, I just…" Ichigo whispered quickly on the other side, words jumbled together and broken as his voice trembled and gritted out as if unwillingly.
Kisuke smiled into the receiver, knowing there was no one here to see the jaded edges and the pain in his eyes, and he murmured back, softly. "I forgive you."
"I'm so fucking sorry," Ichigo muttered once more, anyway. "Please. I don't…"
Everything in him screamed — half of him saying, disconnect the call, go away, the other half saying, this is your chance, tell him. And Kisuke took his chance.
"I get it. Well, you'll be pleased to know there was no fate involved in my loving you, Ichigo-san." He answered dryly, even as his heart seized and stopped, awaiting an answer that could still be a negative.
He breathed out slowly, smiling shakily. "Thank you," Ichigo whispered first. Then, "And I you."
It wasn't the perfect answer. It wasn't the most ideal situation. They still had so much to work through, and Kisuke still stung from the silence, but…
But maybe it was best this way. Perhaps it was not meant to be — but they made it be, anyway.
"Lunch on Sunday?"
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
And he smiled at himself. Things were shitty right now, but he had a feeling they would be fine, anyway.
A/N: I have so many background stories and headcanons to this story that I didn't manage to put into the main story. Like, really. It's... kinda ridiculous, actually.
Like, some of them, for those interested:
a) So, yeah, Ichigo used to have a crush on Rukia back when they were teenagers, but Rukia has always talked about "meeting her soulmate", so he let her go. In the end, she ends up with Renji, who is not her soulmate.
b) Inoue and Ishida are soulmates, and Inoue always dreamt of her soulmate, but she still had a crush on Ichigo when they were younger.
c) Masaki only died when Ichigo was 15 or so. She had a heart condition, and after she got sick, she had a heart attack, and that was it. Isshin works as a cop, and Ichigo decided to become a doctor to "fix shit like that".
d) Yoruichi is rich, and a model, and decided to give Kisuke a bakery as a birthday gift. And then skip town. It was more or less like this, "Here, Kisuke-chan, you always dreamt of a bakery. Give it a good name, because I want to be able to visit it when I'm back!" and proceeded to run off to England. Kisuke was not amused.
e) Ichigo is 22, and Kisuke is more or less... 30-something (I never actually decided how old he was).
And, if Lyv manages to convince me (or I manage to convince her), you'll still get a special of Yoruichi and Soi-Fon. Because I wrote their damn story, and never used it. Yay.
Anyway, hope you've liked it! Please, leave comments on the way out?
(The other chapters should be coming soon, in case someone sees this before it's complete)