Daphne was…empty. She had reached the threshold for distress and had maintained so many negative emotions for so long, she could no longer feel anything—too tired to be anything but tired. She wouldn't have expected a miscarriage to gut her the way that it had. But it had. She was gutted. Circumstances had taken her insides and yanked them out, spread them across the floor for her to look at while she died slowly. Well, she wasn't dying. But it felt like it.

Rin hadn't said much, but he didn't need to. He'd been shocked and hurt and gutted, too. So the two of them lay together, figuratively bleeding out. The sun came up. The blinds kept their room in shadow.

"Are we supposed to go to the hospital?" Rin asked.

The question made the tears rise in Daphne's eyes all over again. Rin heard the hitch in her breath and pulled her closer.

"I don't know," she replied.

They didn't move for an hour. When they did, they were slow. Both of them dressed in silence and put on their shoes and jackets to go outside. Daphne linked her arm with Rin's and leaned on him through the walk to the train station and the ride on the train. At the hospital, they walked to the women's wing and Rin described the situation to the nurse behind the desk, who readily agreed to fit them in for an emergency appointment. She handed Rin a clipboard with all of the paperwork and gestured to a seating area where they could fill it out. Daphne sat and stared at all the other mothers who were waiting for their appointments. Underneath all her emptiness, a sharp spark of envy ignited.

The doctor took ages, and after several tests and examinations, she told them what they already knew, told them to come back if the bleeding was severe or the pain intense, gave them a few information pamphlets and sent them on their way. Back at home, Daphne went upstairs and sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her hands.

She hadn't planned this pregnancy. Frankly, she'd been terrified of it. So why did she feel absolutely devastated?

Rin made a couple phone calls and excused both of them from work. How long would that last? How long was the employer-allotted time for grief? He made tea and brought it up to the bedroom and handed her a mug. Daphne held it until the liquid went cold.

"Yukio and Shiemi want to bring dinner over tonight. Is that okay?"

She didn't look at Rin as she nodded. Would she be able to eat? Her stomach had tied into a thousand knots. She felt the mug leave her hands, but it didn't really register that Rin had taken it and set it on the bedside table. The two of them laid down again and put their arms around each other and were quiet. Daphne wanted to cry, but she didn't have any tears left.

For dinner, Shiemi and Yukio brought homemade curry and rice. Daphne ate very little, though she did manage some. Neither she nor Rin mentioned the miscarriage to them. Shiemi was upset enough as it was, apparently feeling responsible for Daphne's breakdown. She wasn't, and Daphne assured her of that, but only once, though Shiemi went on and on. Daphne wasn't in the mood to console anyone. Not right now.

Curiously, maybe a symptom of her exhaustion, her flashbacks and hallucinations had quieted entirely. They were still there—the faces of her dead teammates lurking in the corner—but they no longer caused her distress. She simply acknowledged and then ignored them.

That night, after Yukio and Shiemi had gone home, Daphne found Rin crying over the bathroom sink. He jumped when he noticed her and wiped his face off in a hurry, snot all over his hands.

"Sorry." His jaw trembled.

Daphne shook her head. "You don't have to be strong," she said.

He buckled, coming forward so she could put her arms around him and he could rest his forehead on her shoulder and let out a few little sobs.

"It's just—it's so sad," he said, still crying. "I didn't—I didn't even know… So why does it hurt so much?"

Daphne cradled his head in her hands as a few tears of her own spilled over. "I don't know, Rin," she whispered. "I don't know."

They spent the next several days in a stupor. Daphne knew she should have been worried about their demon, but she couldn't find it in her to care. Their manifestation tag went dead again, which came as no surprise. Rin was certain the thing hadn't been killed along with the Greenman. Daphne was inclined to believe him. What that would mean for the future, she couldn't possibly fathom, nor did she want to think about it. Neither of them felt quite recovered by the time Monday rolled around, but they'd used all their vacation days and spent far too much time away from the Academy as it was.

So they went back to work. It helped a little—having something to do, something to think about, problems to solve and students to teach. At the end of the day, Shura appeared in the door to Daphne's classroom, ready to give her hell about being away, but one look at the expression Daphne wore on her face and Shura dropped the jab immediately.

"Christ, what happened?" she asked, coming in.

Daphne told her. Frank, cold, and matter-of-fact.

Shura just stared. "Shit," she said after a moment. "I'm so sorry. Had you guys been trying for kids?"

Daphne shook her head. "No. No, we hadn't, but knowing that hasn't helped."

Frowning, Shura put a friendly hand on Daphne's shoulder and squeezed. "You wanna go out? Get drunk? Get your mind off things?"

"Not yet," Daphne replied and smiled a little in spite of everything. "But thanks."

"You let me know," Shura said and pointed a finger into Daphne's face. "Drinks on me, all night, as much as you want."

Daphne told Rin about Shura's offer that night before bed. He seemed cheerier for having spent the day out of the house, and even laughed at the news. A solemn expression replaced it shortly after, however, and he turned around to give his full attention to Daphne who sat on their bed behind him.

"Did you mean what you said?" he asked. "About not wanting to be an exorcist anymore? Not wanting to see demons?"

Daphne looked at him. "Yes."

Rin nodded, swallowing. He turned his face away.

"You feel that way sometimes, too, don't you?"

He drew in a shaking breath and let it out slowly. "I mean, yeah, of course I do…"

"Just because you can't change anything doesn't mean you can't feel that way." Reaching over, she put her hand on his arm. "And it doesn't mean you'll feel that way all the time. It's just easier to fantasize about the way my life could have been when the one I'm living sucks, but even if things had been different, that doesn't mean my life would be better."

His eyes were fixed on the floor, his shoulders tense. She rested her head against his back.

"All things considered, Rin, all the hell we've put each other through, all the shit we've fought together… I wouldn't take any of that back. Not if it was going to change what we have."

He nodded, though the words didn't seem to comfort either of them. After a moment of silence, he sat up and turned around to look at her. "I guess…I guess bringing a kid into this would have been…reckless."

"I don't know," Daphne replied. "We haven't ever talked about it."

How was that possible? Married two years, together another beyond that. The topic had never come up. Maybe because both of them knew the kind of insanity it would have been to even consider it. The subject of kids was not necessarily awkward or uncomfortable, simply off-limits given the circumstances. But now, well, they'd been forced to consider it.

"What do you think?" Rin asked.

"I…"

What did she think? She knew what she felt. But what she felt was madness, and her brain knew it, but her heart and her spirit didn't care. Poor, helpless kids were born into the world every day, kids who got temptaints and didn't have parents who understood—parents who thought they were crazy and told them to shut up and made them feel broken. The world was what it was and that didn't stop anyone else from having children. At least Rin and Daphne would be able to give a kid a fighting chance. Granted, that kid would see so much more fighting just for being their kid. It was a paradox.

The way this unexpected pregnancy had ended had tipped the scales just enough, however.

"I think I want them," she said, and the words hurt coming out but that didn't make them less true. "I think I want to have a baby. I want to try."

The tears that immediately flooded Rin's eyes made her sure that that was what he'd been hoping she'd say. He couldn't hold them in for long, though, and started sort of laughing and crying at the same time.

"Me too," he said. "Is that stupid?"

Daphne nodded. "Probably."

He laughed and cried a little more and they wrapped their arms around each other. Maybe the conversation wouldn't go anywhere. Maybe it was just a way to ease the grief and pain and fear they both were feeling. Maybe that demon would come back more powerful than ever and hurt them even more. A child was certainly a way to expose a weak point, to give an enemy leverage, but that was too rational a lens to put on a subject so dominated by emotion. Especially the emotions of a pair like herself and Rin.

"We'll have to wait," Daphne said into Rin's shoulder. "Just a little while. So we can both recover."

"What about that demon?"

"If it's not that demon, it's going to be another one," Daphne replied. "If we wait until the coast is clear, we'll be waiting until the end of the world."

Sighing, Rin shook his head. "I wish you weren't right."

"I wish a lot of things," Daphne said, leaning back so she could give him a kiss. "But it's better to work than to wish."

He smiled at her. "You really want to have a baby, too?"

Daphne nodded. "I do."

Holding her tight, Rin pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Then I can't wait to get to work."

Though wounded, Spirit was far from submission. Her beings had rejected her, and the pain it inflicted was something Spirit had never fathomed she could feel. The hurt made her angry, and her anger made her determined.

She would have them. They would be one.

She would take the power of every other demon in Gehenna and Assiah if that was what her goal required.

Author's Note: Hi, friends! It's been a rough ride 'round these parts lately, but there are happy times on the horizon, I promise. To my gorgeous faithful readers, thank you, thank you! It means so much to me that you've stuck with me (and Rin and Daphne) over the last two (!) years. You're amazing, and I want you to know how much I appreciate you! If there is anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to let me know. I am but a message away!

I hope you've enjoyed the update, and have a fabulous weekend! Much love.

~Phab