After Nathaniel left, Kitty ate the remaining cookies, packed the rest of summoning supplies to her bag she prepared before and finally went to bed. She was completely exhausted. Two summonings were clearly too much. Before she fell asleep, annoying questions kept reappearing in her mind. What if it will be like this always? What if she won't get any better? And Nathaniel, that could also be a problem. She didn't know how much energy it takes to keep a spirit for a longer time.

Jakob was waiting for her at the port. He didn't change that much, even though he was a bit taller. He tried to cover his face with a cap, but not as much as three years ago. She saw him from the ship before their landing, but he didn't seem to recognize her even though she waved at him. She knew it wasn't his fault, but it stinged a little. Kitty quickly banished these thoughts. He was looking around at people coming out of ship and noticed her only when she was right next to him.

„Hello, Jakob." Boy was at a loss of words for a few seconds. „Kitty, is that you?" She sighed. At first he just looked nervously but then he hugged her. „What happened to you?"

„It's kind of a long story. But i'll tell you everything, i promise."

Jakob was living with his twice as old cousin and his wife and little daughter. They were doing their best to make Kitty feel at home from the beginning. They gave her a room in their house, home-cooked dinner and listened to her story. And it worked. Kitty felt accepted and told them everything that happened in past days, except for John Mandrake being alive. The evening ended with their reassurance that she can stay for how long she needs. She didn't talk about Nathaniel coming that day. First she needs to talk about him with Jakob. Tomorrow will be a good day for that. But the part about him being a spirit will be probably best to omit. His reaction will not be very positive even without that.

„Wait, i don't understand. What do you mean by „I need another room for Mandrake"."

„Weeeell, exactly that."

„Yeah, sure, i have a specific room reserved for people who kidnapped me. In case they decided to see how i'm doing."

„I don't think he'll be very happy to see you either."

It took her some time to convince him she's serious about this and absolutely trusts a person that kidnapped him few years ago. Jakob promised he won't tell anyone the truth about who John, as they decided to introduce him to his cousin's family, really is, but that was all she achieved and he was looking at her suspiciously since then. Without Jakob's help it was audacious to ask his family if they could also accommodate „her commoner friend from a bar where she worked, who's not sure about his safety till the situation in London will get more clear and needs to be out of there for a while". She was embarrassed to lie to them, but she could find no other way. She tried to emphasize how he has nowhere to go and that it would take only a few weeks till they would be both gone. As expected, they were a bit weary at first. But it was Jakob's Kitty asking after all, so an old bed was found in the attic and equipped with blankets. Jakob didn't say much at any of this.

Her stay at Hyrnek's seemed like a dream to Kitty, in a way with which scenes from different days played out in front of her eyes, kind of disjointedly, as if they were happening all at once. When she summons Nathaniel, she remembers the blood on his shirt and is glad he changed form. No more boots, blood or damaged skin. He looks the same way as when he walked in that bar just two weeks ago. Only a little bit less authoritative and somehow even more cold. But he's able to play his part in front of Hyrneks. He makes up stories of why it's not safe for him to be in London now, thanks them they'll let him stay for a while and is as charming as a lying politician can. Says he can't eat much, makes up some reason for that too. Sometimes he helps Mrs. Hyrnek with dinner. She reminds him of Mrs. Underwood. And the list of people he's dependant on keeps growing. And days go by. Everything is peaceful. Too peaceful. It feels weird for both of them, it's too big a change from their previous life although the part about secrets is nothing new.

She can't really say if the situations she remembers happened just ones, or if they keep repeating forever. She's looking in the mirror. Sees her white hair and keeps telling herself she should dye them. Her dinner with Jakob and his family, their talking till night. Reminds her of her own family before the accident. She didn't think much about them for the last three years, and she doesn't really want to start now. Hyrneks talk about their friends and neighbours, weak magicians running the city realizing they can substitute their lack of servants with technology. Which leads to even commoners being able to afford advantages people in London see as exclusively connected to magic. She wonders if it could work the other way around. To make use of spirits redundant. But she doesn't consider if she could do something with that. She doesn't feel strong enough for something like that yet. Maybe later. And Nathaniel. He's sitting in the next room drawing with Hyrnek's daughter. The way he's almost avoiding her, or at least any meaningful conversation. Well she doesn't really know what to talk to him about anyway, so she doesn't seek him out either. There is too much that was left unsaid between them.

As days became weeks, Kitty was still waiting when her strength will come back. But nothing was changing.

During the day, Jakob and Hyrneks leave to work and the little girl goes to school, so the two of them stay alone in the house. But Nathaniel and Kitty don't really spend much time together. Their talks often end in collision. So they both try to minimize opportunities to argue. Nathaniel and Jakob also both do what they can to avoid each other.

He goes for walks, anonymous, and watches streets without spirits, children in the parks, people going about their lives. He remembers what it was like to be proud of who you are and live towards something and for something. Back at Glass palace he told himself he'll just take care of Nouda and he'll go back to Kitty and that was his plan, vision which helped him move forward. But now he realizes it was still just him planning something from his position of power, he still believed he was superior and will return unchanged, the same way he was and he was certain in that moment that Kitty would accept him as ... as what? He didn't really had it planned out that much back than. And now it doesn't matter. Things did change. And he's locked out from the world of people now.

But he starts to notice Kitty also changed from the image of her he had in his mind. She's more melancholic. Sometimes when she sits in the kitchen with Hyrneks after dinner she gets lost in her thoughts even though she has so many people around her. Or maybe it's because of that. She thinks no one can see it and once she realizes she was off she jumps back to conversation with excessive enthusiasm. Or when Mrs. Hyrnek asks them to take down some stuff from attic she wants to get rid of. At first Kitty seems okay. But after taking stairs a few times while carrying not unreasonably heavy stuff she has a slower pace, and she has to stop on a way up. Each time more often. And her expression is cold and stubborn with a question in her eyes. But there's not that determination and certainty. Nathaniel looks for that in her eyes, because that's something he himself would need now. But she can't give him something she doesn't have. She doesn't ask for help and Nathaniel doesn't offer he'll finish it himself. She wouldn't accept that anyway. At least Kitty he remembers wouldn't accept that.

Nathaniel was sitting alone in his room. View from the small window didn't offer more than a road with houses crammed to each other with occasional rain drop dripping from roof. He was looking at his hand and behind the pain and itching he felt the power. If he wanted, he could make a flame in his hand and watch the sparks. But he didn't do anything. To get rid of these thoughts he decided to go to a backyard garden for a while. It wasn't raining for a few hours but he doubted anyone would be there.

Kitty and Jakob noticed him at door to the garden before he could turn around and get lost out of their sight. After she shouted his name, Nathaniel sighed and reluctantly came closer to them. „Good thing you're here. Take the bat and play with Jakob. I had enough so i'll just sit here and watch." She shoved a cricket bat into his hands and threw herself on a bench.

Jakob looked at her grumpily. „Please Kitty, tell me what exactly am i being punished for right now so i can avoid it in the future."

„Oh come on, just play already."

„Actually i'm with him on this one," Nathaniel protested.

Getting a conspirator in Nathaniel kind of pissed off Jakob. „Well, it's just for a while, so that can't hurt anyone."

Jakob threw ball while Nathaniel was still looking disgruntled at Kitty, so he only noticed when ball hit his leg. „Hey!"

„Sorry. My bad." To Nathaniel, Jakob didn't really seem to be sorry. He angrily tried to prepare for the next pitch.

„You're not doing it right," Kitty butted in, „change your posture a bit. How do you want to hit the ball like this?"

„I've never played this."

„No really"? Jakob was playing with the ball, tossing it in the air above him.

Kitty showed him how to stand and how to hold the bat and when she was satisfied with the result („Well i guess this will have to work," to quote her exact words) she went to sit again. Jakob pitched and Nathaniel missed. And than again. And again. And once more. This is ridiculous, he thought. And it seemed that staying inside was bad. With every new miss, Jakob seemed to be enjoying the game more and more. „I must say, i like playing with you, we should do this more often." Nathaniel just stared at him angrily and shot a glance toward Kitty to save him from this misery. But she appeared absent minded. There was even something defeated about her sitting on that bench. For some reason it made Nathaniel even more angry seeing her like this. „Ready?" Jakob shouted. Nathaniel was prepared. The ball was pitched. And then the bat and ball met. Nathaniel, Jakob and Kitty watched with open mouths the ball flying over their house, over the neighbour's house and than finally breaking the window in the second floor of neigbouhr's neigbour's house. Nathaniel seemed the most shook by it. He left the bat there and with a neutral expression walked away.

Jakob was just annoyed. „I take it back," he turned to Kitty „ i'm not playing with him ever again."

Jakob decided to leave to one his friend and Nathaniel went for a walk, so Kitty returned back to the house alone. She made herself a tea and sat down in the kitchen. As she was drinking, what happened in the last hour kept occupying her mind. When Jakob asked her, if she wants to play cricket, she didn't realize she would be tired so soon. That was why she asked Nathaniel to play instead of her.

The Other place. That was the reason of her weakness. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what it was like talking to Bartimaeus in the spirit's realm. To her dismay, she realized she can't remember everything. There were only fragments of what she felt like being there. How could this happen? How could she let herself forget? She needs to write down what she still remembers and by writing it down she'll be able to remember even more. She wanted to tell the world about the Other place and about Ptolemy. Yet what was she doing these past few weeks? What was she waiting for? In a second she left her cup on a table and started looking for some paper. Where do they keep them? They must be somewhere. Then she remembered she saw Hyrnek's daughter drawing in the living room last night and quickly started going through a pile of drawings to find some clear paper. Some animal. Another animal. She really liked drawing animals, apparently. Wait, is this supposed to be Jakob or Mr. Hyrnek? Or Mrs. Hyrnek? Is there at least one clear paper on this pile?

Then she saw that drawing. On a first glance it was evident the girl didn't draw it, it was too precise. Kitty could recognize herself, sitting at the table in the kitchen and talking with someone, though the other person was cut out of picture. She seemed happy and somehow not exactly as she remembered herself from the last time she looked in the mirror. But what exactly was different about her?

As she was taking stairs to get to the bathroom, she started thinking about that last pitch. That was the first time she saw something of Nathaniel's new powers. She knew he could change form but now she started thinking what else he could do if he wanted. Does he even know? Is he repressing it all those weeks?

Above the sink in the bathroom the mirror showed her reflexion. She was looking back and forth between the mirror and Nathaniel's drawing. Then she realized what was different. The drawing had no tiredness in her face.

She sighed. What a pair the two of them are. He gained so much strength but refuses to use it. She lost her strength and waits for it to come back. They are both paralyzed, unable to move, unable to live, because they don't accept this right now as a life, but only as an interim before everything gets back to normal. But the thing is there is nowhere to go back.

Kitty looked in the mirror one more time. This is who she is now. A wrinkled face with white hair was staring back at her. And that won't change. There's no point in waiting for her to get better. She won't get any better than this. She will have to work with what she has. Once she realized this, she felt relieved and could breath freely for the first time in weeks. The images of who she was before were crushing her till that point and were numbing her when she compared them to reality. But not anymore. She won't look different and she won't get any stronger than she is now. There was a freedom in knowing this. It meant whatever she wants to do, she can do now. There is no point in waiting. She looked at her reflexion one last time and smiled realizing she will never dye her hair. Then she walked out to find Nathaniel. They need to talk.

Nathaniel walked the streets in his coat even though he didn't feel cold. Moving wasn't really helping, the same fragments of thoughts kept popping up, but it led nowhere. So he sat down on the first park bench he saw. After a while his shoulders eased and he felt calm again. He made his decision.

When he returned to the house he tried to find Kitty in her room, but she wasn't there. Bit disgruntled he went to his room in the attic and to his surprise he saw her sitting on his bed writing something.

„What are you doing here?" For a second he forgot he was the one looking for her.

„I want to talk to you."

„Actually, i want to talk to you about something as well and i feel like whatever you planned to talk about will be pointless after you'll listen to me so i'll just start. There's no point in me being here. Kitty, I want you to dismiss me."

She couldn't believe her ears.

„No."

„No?"

„Of course not, why would you ask something like that?"

„Well," he said with a dull grin „if you need a reason then for one everyone knows John Mandrake is dead so it's not like i can just go back."

„But you are here. You are alive."

„But at what cost," he murmured.

„At what cost?" Kitty gasped. „Do you even realize how powerful you've become?"

After weeks of silence Nathaniel felt like everything he was bottling up till that point will suddenly come out. „Powerful? You can't be serious. I am a demon now, Kitty. Whoever will want to can summon me and make me use that power for their own plans." Bleak expression appeared on his face. „Even you. Well at least there is not that many people that knew my old me, because most of them are dead. So i guess i am lucky. I should go thank Nouda." He became still out of sudden, too calm. „You know, i really did change that day. I left John Mandrake behind. But now, everything i was, everything i thought i could be once i'd survive that whole thing is gone. I shouldn't be here. Yet you keep me here. How can i come back amongst people and pretend i'm one of them."

„I'm sure you can, you're a magician, pretending and false promises is what they teach you in kindergarden."

„Don't start again. Beside, it's easier to pretend you're above everyone when it is actually true. "

„There was so much wrong with that sentence i don't even know where to start."

„Then dont start, let's end it right here with you dissmising me." He started to realize how frustrating it must have been for Bartimaeus always arguing about his freedom.

Kitty was loosing her patience. „You know, you're completely wrong. You didn't change that much, not completely. You're still self-absorbed and conceited about who you was. Just look around you. You're not the only one who lost a lot. You think i'm anything i was before? Everything is difficult for me these days. "

„Yes, you're right in most of what you're saying. But you're wrong in one thing. I know what it does to you, having me summoned."

„That's not what i meant."

„But it's the truth. You would be better off without me. I'm dependant on you and i'm dragging you down. You're still not fine from your journey to the Other place and i'm only making it worse. And that's my whole point. I shouldn't be here." Nathaniel turned towards the window and looked outside. This will be the last image of this world he'll see. Well it's still an improvement after the Glass palace. Nobody else knows he exists as a spirit now, so no one will ever summon him. He'll stay in the Other place till it finally destroys every human part that's still left in him.

Kitty quietly walked to him and saw his view. „I might have not chosen the best vacation destination, it looks really depressing in here." It was raining again, grey road became black and light brown of houses became even darker. There was no trace of sun above clouds.

Fine, If he wants a clear purpose she will give him just that. A way in which he can continue to be himself, at least for a part.

„I said i wanted to talk to you. I wasn't myself these past few weeks. Because i couldn't accept that this is who i am now. And yes, sometimes i am weaker but not because i keep you here. I'm not gonna be any stronger and that's why i decided. I want to go back to London."

Nathaniel wasn't looking at her and she felt as if he didn't even hear her words. She grabbed his arm and turned him towards her so he would look her in the eyes when she spoke to him. „What i mean to say is you can trust me. I want you to come with me, but not as a spirit. I'm not a politician, and i could use one right now. Come with me to London and help me end slavery of spirits. And i will never order you anything. This is my offer. Do we have a deal?"

Nathaniel's mind froze in disbelief. End slavery of spirits? That's such a stupid idea. Unrealistic. Pointless. That is ... such a Kitty thing to say. Nathaniel couldn't resist, he started laughing, probably for the first time in years. At that moment she was again just as he remembered her, the girl who was in the back of his mind for three years since she saved a life of a boy who betrayed her. There she was, with her blindening aura and eyes brightened the same way as before. And something he didn't feel for last few weeks was beginning to revive in him. Maybe he could stay for a while with her. Maybe it could work. He was soaking up the certainty and determination from her eyes, and he felt her resolve was infecting him as well. Even if they won't achieve her goal, he could stand by her. At least for a while. He looked outside one last time, but quickly averted his sight back to Kitty.

„What exactly would you need from me?"

Kitty dropped his arm and smiled at him. „We will need a place to stay in London."

„Is that my first job?"

„You could call it that."

„Well, in that case i got it covered already. There is one empty house in London i know about."