Ch. 8 - Numb
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By the time Danny finished donning his hazmat suit and reached the final door separating him from the virus, any lingering contentment from a morning spent with his wife and daughter was long gone. The lethargy had begun the instant he stepped into the command center, arriving at 1030 in blatant disregard of Captain Slattery's orders that he was off duty until 1200, at which point Doctor Scott's sleeping pills would presumably be long gone from his system. But Slattery remained silent, merely raising an eyebrow when Danny walked in the door, before passing him a cup of coffee - or, at least, what was passing for coffee these days.
Weak, stale, often tasting slightly like dirt, the coffee was certainly not the bold, robust blends that the crew had enjoyed back in the Arctic, coffee that Slattery personally selected and stocked in the wardroom. Still, it did contain caffeine and, more importantly, there was something about the ritual of sharing a cup of coffee that felt so ... normal. As though they were about to discuss the weather or a weapons' test rather than the people dying outside of the gates.
"Miss me that much, Green?"
Danny found himself actually cracking a smile. Back on the James, Slattery had the reputation of being a hard-ass. Not a cruel man by any means - the XO was always known for being fair - but a man with no patience for shenanigans, laziness, or excuses. It was only after the world they knew ended, and they were thrust into a new one, filled with death and loss and fear, that another side of Slattery emerged.
From the beginning, Captain Chandler had risen above the chaos, his faith in Doctor Scott and her work inspiring them all to continue the mission, even as the days stretched to months and then the months stretched to years without any breakthrough in the effort to develop a vaccine. Each time they faced a new challenge it was Chandler who galvanized them to move forward, his unwavering belief that they would succeed providing the reassurance that the crew so desperately needed. But for all that he inspired them, Captain Chandler also remained aloof - a leader rather than a friend.
Slattery was different, relatable in a way that Chandler was not. Unlike Captain Chandler, Slattery never hid his struggles, first losing his son to the virus in the Arctic and then spending almost a year searching for his wife and daughters, only to have his wife die mere days after their reunion. Then, after his girls survived under the most unlikely of circumstances, Slattery faced the additional burden of knowing that while the immunity he carried in his blood saved two of his children, it could also be responsible for him outliving every member of his crew. It was a responsibility that Slattery clearly felt keenly, the reason why he insisted on leading so many of the teams that traveled outside the gate, his efforts to reduce the risk to those inside as much as humanly possible.
Danny took a large swallow of the coffee, figuring that he needed to make some kind of excuse for his blatant disregard of orders. "I know I'm not on duty yet, but I wanted to check in to see if there was any news from Rios."
Slattery took a sip of his own coffee, the extended silence making his view of Danny's excuse clear. Finally he nodded. "Lieutenant Burk told me that you know some of these guys. Rios is still outside the gate, so you'll need to gear up to talk to him. Remind Doctor Scott she owes me a report. She's an hour late and she turned off her mic."
"You let her outside the gate?" Danny's shock must have shown on his face because Slattery scowled.
"At times the woman makes a valid point. To give the vaccine a real trial, it's better for her to be out there monitoring. That way she can handle any potential problems in real-time." Given the way the half the room quickly looked away at Slattery spoke, Danny suspected that it had taken more than a logical argument to get Slattery to bend the rules. More likely hours of browbeating.
"Thank you, sir." Draining his cup, Danny slid it into his cubby, the days of having cups washed between each use long gone.
"Oh, and Green?"
Danny forced himself to stop and focus on Slattery. "Yes, sir?"
The sympathy in Slattery's eyes told Danny everything he needed to know about Eddie's condition. "I'm sorry about your friend."
Stepping through the final door, Danny blinked against the bright sunlight. A quick glance around the clearing showed that little had changed from the night before, the majority of the new arrivals spread out across the right side of the clearing while Doctor Scott and Rios moved in and out of a small tent where four cots stood - three now empty and the one containing a too-still figure. Catching sight of Danny, Amber began weeding her way through the crowd, no doubt seeking information on Eddie. Ignoring her for the movement, Danny moved quickly towards Doctor Scott, intent on getting Slattery his report.
Despite the cool temperature, Doctor Scott was sweating in her suit, her hair plastered against her face and her helmet fogged. At least she hadn't taken her suit off, he noted with relief. Doctor Scott wasn't much for orders and Danny wouldn't have put it past the woman to ditch the suit as soon as she got past the outer gate. He nodded to Rios, noting the sour look on the other man's face and wondering what Doctor Scott had done to cause it.
"Captain needs an update," he announced gruffly, his eyes straying to Eddie. The slight rise and fall of the man's chest told Danny that his friend was alive, but the blood dripping from Eddie's nose and the half empty bag of morphine being pumped into his arm did not offer much confidence for his ultimate survival. "You must have turned your mic off by accident."
Doctor Scott pursed her lips before reaching for her mic and snapping it on. "The good news is that the subjects who received the vaccine upon their arrival continue to remain unsymptomatic. I'll do a final blood sample later today but I fully anticipate that it will show that they are virus free."
Danny listened as Slattery shot off a dozen questions rapid fire, before terminating the call. He waited for Doctor Scott to adjust Eddie's IV before asking the question that haunted him all morning, "How is he?"
"He's still fighting," Doctor Scott said finally, her slight hesitation speaking louder than words. "As I explained to Mrs. Ward, the vaccine wasn't designed as a cure so it's use under these conditions is experimental at best..."
"Woah, what?" Danny interrupted.
Doctor Scott pursed her lips, obviously annoyed at the interruption. "Mr. Ward is very sick. Even if the vaccine works, his body may be too damaged to make a full recovery. That's what happened with Mr. Choy. By the time I administered the cure, his body was too sick to make a recovery. But that shouldn't be seen as a failure of the vaccine itself, which wasn't designed for people in this condition."
Danny stared at Doctor Scott, wondering how someone so brilliant could be so dense. "You told Amber that we had a cure?"
"Not just Mrs. Ward," Rios muttered, the reason for his sour face now evident. He nodded his head towards the small crowd creeping towards the hospital tent, their fear of the Red Flu apparently warring with their desire to know what was being discussed. "She told all of them."
"They had a right to know that they had been infected," the woman replied briskly. "They were rather concerned until I explained that the gentlemen who died received the placebo. It was the only way for them to understand what was happening."
"Of course you did." The words came out dully, Danny too exhausted to argue with Doctor Scott about the harm of telling these people that they were infected by the deadliest disease in the history of mankind. The risk that they would panic. The risk that someone would decide that death by suicide was far preferable to death by virus and take out the entire group in a hail of bullets. The risk that they would turn on Doctor Scott or, more likely, on Danny - the man who lied to them about everything.
He hadn't given the woman enough credit, though. "Don't worry, Commander Green. I took full responsibility for the shortage in the vaccines."
But she wasn't the one who told them that the vaccine might save them. She wasn't the one who gave them the shots. She wasn't the one who chose the four men to receive the placebo, three of whom were now dead.
She wasn't the one who would take the blame. Danny hit his mic. "Captain, we have a potential problem."
After listening to Slattery curse up a storm and being promised an additional guard at the entrance, just in case, Danny switched off his mic. Moving to Eddie's side, he rested his hand on his friend's chest, wondering at the relief that flooded him when he felt the slight movement indicating that Eddie was still breathing. Was it fair to be glad that Eddie was still alive, when every breath he took was filled with agony? Closing his eyes, Danny stood silently, forcing every thought from his mind, forcing himself to be present, to focus only on this last moment with Eddie, imagining Eddie giving him one of those self-deprecating smiles as he gave his trademark goodbye.
I'll see you when I see you.
Lifting his hand, Danny gave Eddie a final look before exiting the hospital tent to locate the woman who had been watching him from the moment he exited the compound. Amber.
But, surprisingly, it was not Amber who waylaid him but another woman, a brunette dressed in a long-sleeved green shirt over a brown maxi-dress. Tears filled her eyes as she stared at him. "Why him?"
That's when it hit him.
Silvia Choy. Wife of David Choy.
Who died while Danny was sleeping.
"I'm sorry." The words fell from his tongue automatically, without thought, and Danny wondered whether they were true. Was he sorry for picking David to receive the placebo? Or simply sorry that he was forced to make a choice at all?
"That's all you have to say?" She hissed, arms waving and Danny backed away discretely, aware of how quickly things could go south. "Doctor Scott said that he wasn't even sick. He got it after we arrived. He could have survived. So why him?"
She wasn't completely correct - David, like everyone else at the camp, was infected before Danny gave them the vaccines - but her point remained valid. David wasn't one of the two men originally infected. He wasn't on Danny's list of people who wouldn't get the vaccine. Instead he received the placebo by virtue of being one of the last man called. Just bad luck. But he couldn't tell her that so, again, he resorted to platitudes. "Priority always goes to children and then parents."
The saliva came out of nowhere, landing on his suit, dripping down his arm, and for a moment Danny's temper snapped. "And who would you have preferred that I chose? Who here should have died so that your husband could live?"
The woman froze, her mouth open, the words hanging between them. But before either could speak, Amber appeared between them, another woman at her side. "Silvia, perhaps you should go lie down for a few."
As Silvia allowed herself to be drawn away, whether from shock of Danny's words or the realization that she might have gone too far, Amber gazed down at the spit on Danny's arm. "Can't be the first time that happened."
Danny shrugged. Surprisingly, it was. "Spit happens."
"Yes, Forest." There was almost a teasing glint to Amber's voice, before she sobered. "Eddie got the placebo."
Danny braced himself for the inevitable. "Yeah."
But there was no anger in Amber's eyes as she glanced at Danny, only sadness. "I saw the two of you arguing before Rob got his shot. Eddie told you to give the last one to Rob, didn't he?"
What was one more lie in a sea of lies? "I made the choice of who to give the placebos to."
Amber gazed at him silently until, finally, tears began welling in her eyes. "You're a terrible liar, Danny."
The statement, so divorced from reality, almost made Danny snort. But Amber's next statement wiped away any humor.
"Why would he do that? Leave us behind?" She whispered. "We have a child too. What about Tyler?"
The anguished statement struck Danny like a knife. He had let Eddie make that decision, even admiring him for acting as the leader that he was. Danny had worried about how Amber would react to the truth, but never thought about what it would do to Amber and Tyler to know that Eddie made the decision to leave them.
Just like Benz.
And just like with Benz, there was nothing to say that it would make it any better.
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"Then we should draw lots," Elise Simmons repeated, despite the fact that her suggestion had been previously rejected. Everyone had agreed that this first batch of vaccinations was far too valuable to disburse so randomly.
Ignoring her, Father Jeff pulled a sheet of paper out of his pocket and placing it on the table. "The Council took a few minutes to make a list of critical personnel at the compound. Our belief is that these people should be vaccinated first, followed by the children."
"Let me see that." Slattery snatched up the piece of paper, his eyes quickly scanning before he folded it again and slid it into his pocket. "I'll take this under advisement. We have roughly seventy doses, right Doctor Scott?"
"That's correct."
"Which leaves us with approximately nine hundred people to be vaccinated? Assuming roughly one hundred are immune?" Slattery continued.
"One hundred twenty-eight are immune, including yourself, Captain Slattery," Doctor Tophet replied. "That leaves nine hundred sixteen people to vaccinate."
"And everyone agrees that Doctor Scott, Doctor Tophet, and Doc Rios need to be vaccinated? Plus that we should hold at least ten doses for cases of in case of accidental exposure?" Everyone nodded in response to Slattery's questions.
"I also suggest that Commander Green and Lieutenant Taylor receive vaccinations now as they have been outside the gates," Doctor Scott suggested.
Danny opened his mouth to protest. Not without Kara, without Frankie. He wouldn't - couldn't - take the chance of being left here, alone, if something happened to them.
But Slattery beat him to the punch, no doubt understanding better than anyone else here the downside to immunity - natural or otherwise - and not wanting to have the argument that he knew would be coming here and now. "Both are on the list that the Civilian Council prepared, which I will review shortly. We can then make a final decision."
Before anyone else could respond, Slattery's mic crackled to life. "Bivas to Slattery. We received a message from Captain Chandler. He's on his way in and is requesting perimeter guards."
Danny's blood ran cold. Perimeter guards. That meant Captain Chandler thought someone might be trailing him.
They'd been found.