THE ORIGINAL NOVEL WAS WRITTEN IN SPANISH, I APOLOGIZE FOR THE TRANSLATION. IF YOU WANT TO READ IT IN SPANISH LOOK FOR IT UNDER THE SAME PSEUDONYM AND BY NAME "EL SECRETO"

In case you're wondering if Christian is in the novel, is there, just won´t expected.

When I woke up it was past noon. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw my face stained with tears. I didn't even remember crying. I've never loved and hated a man so much before. And no one has ever made me so happy and miserable at the same time. When I got out of the bathroom, I looked for my phone. I had over 50 missed calls from Ryan. Why the urgency of calling me? I decided to ignore him, only then I could try to forget about him. Although I knew I'd have to face him at work tomorrow.

Tomorrow…

I'd deal with him tomorrow.

I also had a message from Kate, saying she wouldn't be back until next early morning. No messages or calls from Christian. That's strange. I decided to send him a message to plan our meeting and forget about the... What's his nickname?...I got it... "asshole." Yeah, I think that one fit Ryan Chasting perfectly.

From: Anastasia Steele

To: Christian

Date: Sunday, 1/11/2015 12:22 PM

Subject: Are we going to dinner?

We were supposed to go grab a bite to eat and get to know each other. It's still on?

Ana.

I send him and put the phone aside, went to the windows and pulled the curtains apart. It was snowing lightly outside. Winter had finally arrived. I was feeling very lonely right now. But I had to be strong. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy to forget about him, but I had to do everything I could.

I didn't want to be alone here, so I decided to go to my mother's for a while. I hadn't called her in a while and she was what I needed the most right now. I get my phone and called her. She answered me quickly.

—Hey, I thought you forgot about me.

—Hi, Mom, no, I've just been busy. —dealing with a psycho boss.

—Are you coming?

She knew me very well and knew that when I called her at the weekend it was to let her know I was coming.

—Yeah, I'm on my way out.

—Are you going to drive in the snow?

—No. —she knew me well and knew I wasn't.

—All right, but I'll let you know we're having company for dinner.

—Don't worry, mom, I'll see you in a bit. —I said as I hung up the phone.

I didn't really mind the visit, my mother occasionally invited his old friends as the manager of the Drake to dinner. I was used to that already.

I got dressed and called a cab. I didn't want to stay alone in the apartment so I'd stay there. It was about three o'clock when the taxi parked in front of my mother's house. I walked in and there was no sign of her anywhere. I headed for the kitchen and there was Jones making what looked like dinner.

—Hello Jones.

—Hi Anastasia, I haven't seen you in a while.

—I've been busy. Where is mom?

—In his studio.

—Ok.

And I headed for his studio. I knocked on the door and then I came in. Grace was on the phone and as soon as she saw me she ended the call and came to me.

—How are you? —she said as she hugged me.

—Good. — I was far from all good. I was devastated.

—Have you eaten anything yet?

—Yes. —I lied, I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday and I didn't really have an appetite.

—Are you staying?

—Yeah, Kate's not there and I don't feel like being alone today. — I said as she looked at me squinting.

—You want to tell me about it? —she asked me as we walked towards the dining room.

I had always told her everything, but I couldn't tell her that I had slept with my boss. Much less that I was beginning to have feelings for him.

—It's nothing.

—That nothing, has something to do with a guy, or I'm wrong. —I had forgotten that she knew me very well.

—I don't want to talk about it. — I said, staring at her.

—Okay, but you know you can tell me anything.

—I know.

—Well, let's have a juice and a sandwich because I know you haven't eaten anything all day.

That's all she told me as we got to the kitchen.

This was one of those moments when it was better not to contradict her. I still didn't understand how she could see so much inside myself.

—Jones, make us a sandwich and a juice for both of us.

— Right away.

I ate the sandwich just because I didn't snub my mother and Jones who had prepared it so lovingly. I was just finishing up when my phone rang. I caught him quickly hoping it was Christian, but it wasn't him. It was Kate. I answered as I walked to my room.

—How's New York treating you? —I said with a smile on my face.

—Not bad, but I prefer Chicago. How was the masquerade ball last night?

I hesitated to tell her or not.

—I don't really want to remember it, much less talk about it. —I said as I lay down on my bed.

—Was your meeting with Christian that bad?

— Christian wasn't exactly the one I met at the masquerade ball. —I replied irritably.

—Ana. What happened?

—Something that should never have happened, not in a million years. —I told her as I tried to suppress the memories that constantly came back to my mind.

—Let me guess, you slept with Ryan.

—It's more complicated than that.

—What could be more complicated than sleeping with your hot and sexy boss? — why she had to remind me of the hot and sexy thing.

—That it's not the first time I've slept with him. — I told her suddenly.

—What! —she shouted, leaving me almost deaf. I had to take the phone out of my ear.

—I don't want to bore you with my dilemmas, in short, he's an idiot, not, an idiot no, asshole, I'll tell you everything when you get back.

—All right, we're going to dinner with Elliot's parents tonight. —she said to me very excited.

—I hear you happy, I'm happy for you.

—Thank you, I have to go, we're leaving now.

—Okay, see you at work then, I'm out today.

—Someday you'll tell me where you're going on those weekends.

—Some day, have fun, Kate. —I told her as she hung up the phone.

I lay in bed for a while longer. I checked the mail but there was still no response from Christian. I'd wait for him to call me or send me a message. I didn't mean to sound desperate. Besides, he was the one who looked for me at first. He'd look for me again. There were just messages from Ryan that I decided to ignore.

I didn't even read them, I just eliminated them.

I got up and went to the bathroom. I filled the tub and immersed myself in it. I wouldn't think in the asshole of Mr. Chasting anymore. After the bath I was more relaxed, got dressed and went down to the library, maybe reading for a while would pass the time more quickly. I looked for a novel I had read a long time ago and sat there to reread it...

—I looked for you in your room and when I couldn't find you I figured you'd be here.

—What time is it?

—It's dinnertime, my guest arrived a little while ago.

I had run out of time quickly. I closed the book and set it aside as I left the library. I hadn't asked my mother who his dinner guest was. But the truth is, didn't matter to me...

As soon as I finished dinner I apologized and went back to the library, took the book and went to my room. And I fell asleep reading.

It wasn't snowing today. And it's lucky I didn't cross with Ryan in the elevators. The truth was, I didn't even know what I was going to do when I had it in front of me. I had to forget it for my own good, but it was very difficult when it appeared even in my dreams.

The night before it had been like a back in time, and his intense and penetrating blue look was still etched in my mind. I closed my eyes and it was as if he was standing in front of me.

The elevator went up quickly to the top floor. The doors opened and I walked down the hall to the office. Kate wasn't here yet. That's strange. She was always ahead of me. What time was it? 7:05 a.m. I think I was too early today. I went to my office and what was my surprise when I opened the door and saw Ryan sitting behind my desk. It was strange that he came so early. He had his back to me. He hadn't even noticed I was there yet.

—Good morning, Mr. Chasting. —I told him as he turned in the chair and looked at me with a worried look on his face.

—Why haven't you returned my calls or e-mails? — he asked angrily.

—I don't see the reason to do it, you told me yourself that you didn't want to get involved, that it was just one night and nothing more.

—It wasn't a night, Anastasia. It's been two, and that changes things.

—Ah yes! What did it change? —I asked with a grimace.

—From now on Sawyer will bring you home and take you to work.

—I don't see why I need a driver, I can drive perfectly. —I didn't understand what all this was about, and the truth was that his strange behavior was irritating me.

—I don't doubt you can drive it perfectly, what you need is a bodyguard. And I understand Sawyer is.

—Why would I need a bodyguard? — I asked without understanding any of the conversation we were having.

—Because since we've been sleeping together, your life may be in danger. —he said very seriously while I was laughing.

The truth is, this was the biggest idiocy anyone had ever said to me.

—Because we slept together! That's ridiculous, can't you tell me the real reason why my life is in danger.

—I can't tell you. —that was the last straw. I had a feeling that what he wanted was to keep me in check when I arrived and when I left.

— So, if there's no convincing reason I don't need protection like you say. Please give me my chair back, I need to work. — I asked him, smiling gently.

This conversation wasn't going anywhere. There was no way he could convince me to let Sawyer pick me up. Ryan got up from my chair and walked to where I was. He stood in front of me and stared me in the eyes.

His presence still continued to disturb me as before. I continued to feel the chills on my skin and my heart was racing just looking at it in front of me, nothing had changed. Although I knew nothing was going to change, it was too much to expect to stop being in love with him this morning. I stared at him without being intimidated by his presence. At least I wasn't as intimidated by his demeanor as I used to be.

—All right, I'll tell you. —he said resignedly as he took a deep breath before speaking. —The last woman I slept with more than a night was murdered.

—What! —I exclaimed in shock, taking several steps back as I put one hand on my chest. —Are you sure about this? Maybe it was just an accident and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

—No, you don't understand yet. We were going to get married. They made it look like an accident.

Getting married! I never thought he'd be compromised.

—They? Who? —I asked intrigued now.

—I don't know, that's why I don't risk sleeping with the same woman more than once. That's why I told you last night that it was a mistake between us. A big one I swore I'd never commit again. — the last thing he said was in an almost inaudible whisper.

—What do you mean you don't know? Some reason they must have had to kill her.

This didn't fit me. I knew he was hiding something else from me, something dark and dangerous. Something that would cause someone to kill the person closest to him. Something he refused to tell me.

—Why I feel like you're not telling me everything. —I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

You could see the worry on his face. When I looked closely at him I could see dark circles under his eyes, apparently he had not slept well or not slept at all. His hair always well groomed, untidy and rebellious and he wore the same outfit as the Saturday night party.

This was serious, much more than he was telling me.

—There are things about my past I can't tell you. — he confessed in a whisper. —Things I'm not proud of. I feel that my past is catching me up and I don't want to risk the same thing happening to you as it does to her.

That's why none of his information showed up. He had a secret. Something he had done in the past. I sensed that it was a bad thing, something that put people close to him in danger. That's why he didn't have any serious relationships. He was afraid the same thing would happen as it did to his fiancée.

—I don't know how they could know we slept together twice, you didn't notice and neither did I. — I said encouragingly.

—They may not have noticed it as I have, but I would be a little more relaxed if you had security, just as a precaution.

He really had become paranoid. Apparently the death of his fiancée had affected him greatly.

—How long ago did that happen?

—Just over two years. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'll tell Sawyer what to do from now on.

I wasn't very happy about this. But I didn't like seeing him in the condition he was today. He looked older than he was, needed a bath and a change of clothes. If anyone saw him like this, what would be think of the company?

—All right. —I accepted resigned. —I need to go out for a moment, I'll ask Sawyer to come with me, for your peace of mind. — I told him as he nodded.

—Anastasia, be careful. —he said before he turned around and walked into his office.

When I got to the parking lot I saw the car, Sawyer was sitting behind the wheel. I opened the passenger door and greeted him.

—Good morning, Sawyer.

—Hello Ana. Where I can take you.

—To the Drake Hotel, I need to pick up a few things. — I told him while he was starting the car...