Rebel with a Cause

Summary: Hikigaya Hachiman doesn't date Yukinoshita Yukino, as expected.

*

Have you ever wondered why the torn clothes of a destitute man are called "rags" while if some anorexic model wears something just as tattered, it becomes "haute couture"? One's art, the other's reality. The whole world rides on the Hypocritical Express.

The fraud begins no later than when you're a teenager. Welcome to the pecking order that's the rest of your life! There's socially sanctioned modes of being dysfunctional, like being a good looking bully. Then there's the punitive kind of dysfunctionality, like being a recluse. Apparently, having superficial friendships is really, really awesome. Like, the stuff dreams are made on. Why would I want to corrupt my humanity by shunning people?

Well. I'm really not looking forward to joining the zombie-army of riajuus with their unhealthy levels of functionality. Make lots of friends, graduate, get a job, get married, get pregnant/make someone pregnant, have an affair or two, then finally turn into fertilizer. Such a wonderful itinerary.

The ubermensch is, necessarily, a solitary and misunderstood person. Like Sartre said, hell is other people. Or in this case, a bunch of pigs satisfied.

Since I am so principled a person, I naturally eschew all kinds of so-called functional behaviour. Including the idea of "dating", obviously. Of course, you must be thinking this is a classic case of sour grapes. But let me assure you it certainly is not. Only few days back Yukinoshita admitted she's not exactly averse to my company someplace other than the clubroom. Now, had I been your typical adolescent, I would have had an immediate volte face. Instead, I continue to hold steadfastly to my principles.

The ubermensch must not succumb to the allure of herd-instincts.

So here I am, fraternising with Yukinoshita in the earthy, unromantic environment of a petting zoo, without the unnecessary accompaniments of food and drinks and kitchy decor. The red spots on her cheeks are certainly not because of our close proximity. No, it's definitely the rabbit. Even someone like me is not immune to such dangerous radiations of kawaii.

Later, when she kisses me on the cheek, it's not because this has been a date. She can be very chivalrous, that's all. Like I said, we are not dating.

We visit the museum next, followed by a trip to the recently opened book cafe some ten kilometers away. Arguing with Yukinoshita about the prospective merits of reading Mishima is a nice experience. Unfortunately, there are certain things that I can't share with my adorable imoutou yet. I suppose Yukinoshita will have to do till then.

We share a sundae this time, because we are exhausted and there isn't enough money for two after our enthusiastic purchases.

Our weekly plans to rendezvous at the supermarket turn out to be needlessly troublesome when we chance upon Hiratsuka-sensei one day, who naturally mistakes it for a date. I try to explain that we merely like to shop together for the purposes of convenience and it has no romantic connotations whatever, but she just gives a condescending smirk. Poor, deluded sensei.

Yukinoshita and I aren't bothered by it, of course. We have already become used to such baseless insinuations. I like Yuigahama very much, but the not-at-all-secretive smiles she keeps flashing her "Yukinon" is getting a bit trying. Komachi is being her shameless, pandering self as usual. There is nothing to be done about it. Our species is congenitally wired to encourage such bondings since it ultimately leads to procreation, thus ensuring the continuation of our species. Evolution is too slow, if you ask me. But as I've mentioned, it doesn't matter when our liaisons are motivated by honourable, platonic intentions.

Yukinoshita comes by my place sometimes, under the pretext of lending me this or that book. I immediately see through her ruse, since we see each other everyday at school. Besides, she barely spares me a glance after the initial pleasantries are over.

A tiny part of me feels jealous of Kamakura.

Even if I had been "dating" Yukinoshita, it would have been ridiculous to have envied a feline. But we are obviously in no such relationship and such an irrational reaction on my part is all the more mortifying.

After a while, I decide it's because of my inherent egotism. Nothing out of the ordinary.

After a year's worth of outings to galleries, kabuki plays and used bookstores, I stay back at Yukinoshita's place one night since Komachi is supposed to be away at a sleepover. Besides, who said I couldn't have a sleepover?

With a girl. On her bed.

Umm--

Okay. So this was er- a conscious coupling.

But we are not dating, dammit!

*

p.s. I love Coldplay, but man that press statement about "conscious uncoupling" was way too self-congratulatory.

ubermensch* - the concept of "overman" envisioned by German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. This exemplary human being creates his own values in a world where "God is dead".

Mishima* - Yukio Mishima, one of the greatest Japanese writers of the 20th century.