Nocturnal Dependencies

Summary: Hikigaya Hachiman finds himself sharing his conjugal bed with an unwelcome interloper.

*

I am sorely regretting "corrupting" Yukinoshita's chastity, as she put it. Though it was kind of mandatory after we agreed to be yoked together for a lifetime like a pair of bulls.

In my defense, she corrupted my innocence as much as I did hers. It was kind of fantastic actually, since we've been doing it on a regular basis since. Until now, that is.

"Is that really necessary?" I eye the offending giant taking up a large amount of space on my side of the bed.

"Don't be so selfish, Hachiman," Yukino levels me with an unimpressed look. "You have to stop thinking about your own rotten self all the time. Especially now, since you happen to be the perpetrator."

Perpetrator? Hell, woman, as far as I remember, we were accomplices! Co-conspirators! How is it that I'm the one being solely convicted?

Er...

Perhaps I should not use such typical words. Yu-chan certainly won't appreciate her daddy calling her a punishment.

"So?" Yukino was looking at me impatiently?

"How about I sleep on a futon?"

"Absolutely not."

"But I'll be right down here! "

"No."

"I really need to sleep, Yukino."

"Should have considered that before you had me looking like a manatee!"

I sigh miserably. Nobody tells you that the repercussions of getting your wife pregnant includes sharing your bed with an obscenely big Pan-san body pillow. Since Yukino insists we sleep together not only in the same room but also on the same bed, I practically spend my nights wriggling like crazy, vainly trying to adjust my body into a less intolerable position. Pan-san sleeps like royalty, of course, a Snorlax minus the rumbling.

When Yu-chan's born, Pan-san is going to die the protracted, gruesome death that is being Nyaa-sama III's scratch-toy.

*

p.s. Yu-chan's their daughter in my happy headcanon. Nyaa-sama III's the third in a line of imperious felines, obviously.

By the way, did I ever mention that your reviews leave me as rapturous as Yukino caressing a cuddly kitten?