Author's Note: In re-watching this one, I wondered where exactly Lee slept at Amanda's house did after they left the motel. The next time you see Amanda, it is in Billy's office and clearly the next day, so of course, I had to answer that question. This chapter is by far the longest so far. Sorry about the length, but this idea took hold and wouldn't let go, so here it is. I hope you enjoy. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Many of you know, I'm a review junkie. LOL

Chapter 11-Lousy One-Nighter

"Remembrance of Things Past"

Lee had been lurking outside Amanda's house waiting impatiently in the shadows until he saw her family leave through the front door. Once he was sure that they were gone and out of sight, he silently crept through the French doors at the back of the house. He paused for a moment at hearing Amanda talking to herself.

"The hardest part about this work is the feelings. Lee said not to get involved," Amanda moaned with a sigh, "He was right," she added in a hoarse whisper as she broke down in sobs.

Lee was deeply touched by her sentiment. He shifted slightly uncomfortably. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to take her in his arms and console her, but instead he used his typical humor to deflect his own feelings by saying, "I never thought I'd live to hear you say that. Actually, I didn't live to hear it, not officially, of course." He gave her an impish grin.

At hearing the familiar, deep, husky voice behind her, Amanda's head whipped around, elation coursing through her at the sight of Lee standing there with his usual dimpled grin staring at her. "You're alive?" She questioned softly as he approached her. She rose from her seat, her sorrow turning to relief as she got closer and realized it was really him. "You're alive and standing right here in my family room?" She smiled when it struck her that he really was real and it wasn't just the dream of the past few days recurring. "Oh, you are, you are," she cried as she flung herself into his waiting arms laughing and smiling as he gently rocked her and held her. Her laughter was soon cut off as reality hit her and she realized how perturbed she was by him faking his death without telling her.

Lee laughed with Amanda smiling as he held her tightly, happier than he cared to admit to find out that she'd missed him. His smile soon faded as the moment abruptly ended and he felt Amanda's fist thump his back.

"Oh, I'm so angry with you!" she exclaimed as the wrenched herself from his grasp.

"What, for being alive?" He gaped at her in confusion, his smile gone. What was wrong with her? One minute she was happy to see him and now she was pissed at him. Would she have preferred that he had really died? He was reminded again that she had a boyfriend. Maybe she'd be happier to have him really gone so she could just deny everything that had happened between them and she could go back to her normal life with the weatherman.

"NO, for whatever it is you're pulling, whatever...whatever secret mission you're on that causes this kind of deceit!" Tears of anger now filled her eyes at his deception, thinking of all of the moments they'd shared and how little he seemed to think of her if he hadn't bothered to let her know that he was okay. After all they'd been through, all they'd shared, didn't he feel that she deserved to be in on the secret? Weren't they supposed to be partners, after all?

"Look, was it a nice funeral," he quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood and dispel her fury.

"Ooh!"

"Not too fancy?" he teased with a grin, but his attempt at levity had had the opposite effect. Big mistake, he scolded himself.

"Oh, how dare you make jokes?" Amanda cried, her anger flaring as she turned from him, knowing that if she didn't, that sexy smile of his would soon make her forget all about how upset she was with him. How, if she weren't so happy to see him alive, she'd want to kill him for his callousness. She took a deep breath, and then turned back to him and said in a softer voice, "I have been really upset about this. I thought that I had lost a friend and that hurts." Lee's face fell at the knowledge hat he'd hurt her as she continued, "And I was frightened too and uh...Look, I know you don't like tears. I know they frighten you more than bullets, so I'm sorry about this little scene, but you've brought it all on yourself..." Lee nodded and started to say something, but sensing that Amanda wasn't done, he thought better of it. At this point, he just didn't know what might soothe her or what might just set her off again. "...because it would have been totally unnecessary if you hadn't been killed, which you haven't been. And I cared that you were dead and I don't care if you don't care that I care," Amanda rambled on, her voice rising with each word as the tears threatened to overwhelm her again. If he said something callous or tried to make another joke, she was liable to smack him. Hadn't he figured out yet that she truly cared for him and that the thought of him dying frightened her as much as tears frightened him? Was he that dense?

Lee smiled at realizing that Amanda might have more feeling for him that he'd thought and responded simply, "I do care, really. Thank you." He gave her a warm, affectionate smile. He found himself deeply moved again that she'd just admitted that she cared for him.

"You're welcome," Amanda replied as she sniffled slightly from her crying jag, but couldn't help smiling back. "Would you like a sandwich?"

"That would be nice," Lee answered with a slight chuckle at seeing Amanda's natural nurturing instinct take over. It was no wonder to him that she was such a good mother in the way that she always wanted to look after everyone around her.

"Good," Amanda confirmed with a nod as she turned toward the kitchen, wiping the tears from her eyes, Lee following closely behind her. "Why did you do it?" she asked as she rummaged through the fridge.

"I almost was dead,' Lee explained matter-of-factly as he sat on the center island while Amanda turned toward him, sandwich fixings in her arms."My pen pal, the guy that wrote me that note at Monk's, he attacked me three days ago, almost made good his threat." He knew he needed to be completely honest with her, but he couldn't help feeling a bit startled by the worried expression on her face.

"Are you okay?"Amanda asked, her brows furrowed in concern.

"Except for a little vent in my left shoulder," Lee reassured her and hopped down from his perch to face her as she'd now made her way to the cutting board on the other side of the island. "Billy and I figured that if the killer thought I was dead, he'd feel free to move on to the next victim. You know, he'd never suspect that I was investigating my own murder. Now, you and Billy are the only two that know the plan. You got any milk?"

"In the refrigerator,' Amanda answered with a slight shake of her head at how normal it now seemed to talk about serial killers and lunch in the same conversation. Was this her life now? As Lee turned from her, she asked, "How are you gonna' investigate if you're supposed to be dead? You can't even show your face. Who's gonna' do your legwork?" As Lee turned back toward her, milk in hand, she continued, "I mean, if Billy and I are the only two you know that y-" She halted abruptly at seeing the intent look on his face as realization struck her. "Oh."

"Amanda, I'm not crazy about the idea either," Lee assured her with a shake of his head, uncapping the milk jug to distract himself from the way Amanda was looking at him, "But the killer is obviously very plugged in to the intelligence community and Billy wanted someone the guy wouldn't know."

His nonchalance about the whole thing, nearly being killed, trying to track down his would-be killer and getting her involved because she wasn't an agent unnerved her a bit. She needed more details if she were going to feel safe doing this. "If I volunteer, what would be our game plan, where would we rendezvous, where would our...um...headquarters be?"

"See, now this part is either incredibly convenient...or...incredibly awkward, depending on your answer," he began nervously as he thought of all of the times that he and Amanda had been less than professional on the job and how that could become incredibly uncomfortable with him sharing her home with her. Or as he'd first said, incredibly convenient if their mutual desires overtook them again...then they'd be right there together. The trouble was, this recent conversation in which she'd first been delighted to see him, then angry with him for lying to her, and finally trying to mother him, had only drive home the point that he just didn't know what to expect from her. She was a constant mystery to him.

"To what question?" Amanda asked warily, disconcerted by the way that he was looking at her.

"Can I stay here?" he finally put out there quickly.

"No," she answered immediately her thoughts racing at the idea of having Lee in her home non-stop. That thought conjured up all kinds of images that she wished it hadn't. Where would he sleep? Would he assume that he could sleep with her since they'd already been intimate on several occasions? Not to mention that her neighbors would be appalled if they saw a man coming and going from her house when they all knew that she was in a supposedly serious relationship with Dean. Dean, she thought. What was she going to do about him? The more she tried to distance herself from him, the more he tried to cling to her and the more insistent her mother became that she should accept Dean's marriage proposal and settle down again. Amanda's thought were interrupted by Lee's voice.

"Look, no one I know would ever think to look for me here and everyone you know is out of town," Lee argued. "So, if you could just get past the psychological barrier of having me around, everything would be great." In truth, he was as nervous about it as she was, but he also found himself a bit disappointed that she'd said no so quickly. The questions began to mount. How could he talk her into it? If so, where would he sleep? Would she take this to mean that they were a couple? Would they- Lee shook his head as if to shake off that thought and abruptly took a different tack to give her no choice in the matter, "So, where do you want me to put my things, hm?" then walked away.

"Guatemala," Amanda muttered wondering if even that would be far enough away for her to stop having such disruptive thoughts about her too-sexy partner.

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When they entered Amanda's home through the French doors after the investigation at Jean-Claude's room at the no-tell motel, Amanda's thoughts were whirling. She couldn't keep her mind off what had happened there, Lee's crack about a one-nighter, the subsequent attack in the bathroom and the big one, jumping into the bed with him and pretending that a one-nighter was exactly what they were there for. She was equally unnerved by seeing Lee wearing Dean's clothes, her mind flashing back to her thoughts at Christmas of how she'd wished she could have the best of both of them, Dean's stability and Lee's penchant for making her weak in the knees. Who was she kidding? Dean could never give her what she wanted, so why did she keep hanging on to him? He was nice and he cared, he wanted to have a real home life with her and the boys, but Lee...Lee gave her what she'd been missing for a long time, what the last couple of years of her marriage had been missing...real passion.

Lee, catching her powerful gaze, queried a bit tensely, "What?"

"Nothing," Amanda answered hastily, blushing furiously at the way Lee was looking at her as if he'd read her thoughts. She began thinking of how she'd made a crack about offending the desk clerk's sense of decency when she'd just been thinking some very indecent thoughts about the man standing in front of her. "I...uh...you know...it...it's getting late. I...should...uh...get you a...a blanket and a pillow," she stated abruptly to change the subject and without giving him a chance to respond, she hurried up the stairs to distance herself from the force of his intense gaze.

Lee sighed and muttered, "I guess that answers that question." He sank down on to the couch, burying his face in his hands. Through this whole thing, he'd felt a flurry of emotions wash over him, elation that she'd missed him when she thought he was dead, amusement at her anger, guilt when her realized how much his deception had hurt her and the worst, an unshakable desire for her that wouldn't leave him alone. That desire was making him crazy even now, as it had been since he'd first asked her about staying at her house. His mind had been flooded with images of the things the two of them could do in her house alone. That trip to the motel and jumping into bed with her only served to make it worse. He'd had this ridiculous fantasy in his head that since they'd had so many incredible sexual encounters already, that it would be no big deal for him to share her bed with her while he was in hiding. Now, he realized how stupid that seemed. Why the hell would he think that Amanda would just invite him into her bed? It's not as if they were a real couple. They'd mostly just been thrown into situations beyond either of their control, and fueled by adrenaline and fear, had shared the life-affirming intimacies that made them both feel alive again after near brushed with death. It wasn't as if they were in a committed relationship, so why should he care? He sighed and tried to shake it off. If you don't care, then why is it bothering you so much that she's relegating you to the couch? he argued with himself.

Lee rose from the couch and stripped of the ugly-ass jacket that he knew belonged to the man Amanda really wanted in her home. And why shouldn't she? He was the guy with a stable job that wasn't likely to get him killed, the one who could provide her with the kind of life she deserved to have, the guy who could make her happy and give her all the things that he knew he couldn't. He was the better guy for her, so why did it bug him so much that she was still dating him? Why did it infuriate him so much that she'd dressed him in Dean's clothes? He violently tossed the offending garments into the armchair, just as Amanda descended the stairs behind him, her arms laden with bedding.

"Wow, you really do hate plaid, don't you?" Amanda quipped in an attempt to lighten the tension in the room.

Lee whipped around at the sound of her voice and said, "I...uh...I..."

"Here," Amanda said handing him the bedding. "I...Uh...I should get to bed myself. The bathroom's right at the top of the stairs if you want a place to get undressed for the night." The thought of Lee undressing in her house, just down the hall from her sent her mind hurtling back into the gutter. Sh flushed slightly at those thoughts and unable to meet his gaze, she then scurried back up the stairs and into her room before those thoughts could take over. Her behavior at Christmas had been bad enough. She knew those actions has shocked Lee to his core and to be honest, she'd shocked herself a little too. She'd never been that bold with a man that she wasn't in a committed relationship with.

Trying to shake off those images and the raging desire that she felt for the man downstairs in her den, she marched to her dresser. She pulled out her cotton nightgown, her thoughts flashing back to a few weeks ago when Lee had made a crack about it, teasing her about sexy nightgowns, just before he'd been screwing her senseless atop the dresser in her room at Bo Johnson's ranch. She quickly undressed and pulled the nightgown over her head, wondering what his reaction would be if she would invite him into her bed. The thought had crossed her mind many times since he'd asked if he could stay with her. It occurred to her then that as many times as they'd had wild, mind-blowing sex, it had never been in a bed. They'd never spent a full night together afterward, never woken up together and never reached for one another sleepily in the middle of the night. She sighed and told herself firmly, "We're not a couple. That's why," as she tried to convince herself that her feelings for Lee were nothing more than a healthy physical attraction. Then why were you so upset by his death, she questioned herself as she slid between her cool sheets, her normally comfortable bed feeling unbearably cold to her after her brief moment of sharing a bed with Lee at the motel.

Lee, having stripped down to his boxers and attempting to make himself comfortable on the couch couldn't stop himself from thinking about the woman upstairs who made him undeniably crazy. He tossed fitfully as he tried to shut of his over-active imagination and quash the fantasies in his head that he'd had of carrying her upstairs to her bedroom and spending all night making love to her in a bed for once. Her bed, he thought with a smile, but that smile soon faded as that thought was replaced by another more disturbing thought that it was the bed she'd once shared with her ex-husband and probably where her children had been conceived. Lee cringed at that thought, and then wondered if the annoying, flannel-wearing, weatherman had also been invited to share that bed with her. He knew that she'd slept with him and might even still be sleeping with him. Somehow, that thought was more disturbing to him that that of her ex-husband as the ex was off someplace where he was in very little contact with her whereas the weatherman was still an active part of her life.

Those thoughts tormenting him, he knew he wouldn't sleep for a while. He threw back the covers and padded barefoot to the kitchen. "Warm milk," he said aloud as he yanked open the door of the refrigerator. "Isn't that what they always say is the cure for insomnia?"

Amanda, unable to turn off her restless mind, flung back her comforter, pulled on her robe and tiptoed down the stairs so as not to disturb Lee, intending to fix herself a glass of warm milk in the hopes that it would help her sleep. As she entered the kitchen, she was startled to see Lee standing at her refrigerator and attempted to sneak back up the stairs before he saw her.

"Hey," Lee greeted her. "Can't sleep?"

Too late, Amanda thought as she did an about-face, left with no choice but to answer him. "Yeah, I...uh...I just can't stop thinking about...you know...what happened tonight." She felt her breath catch in her throat at Lee's near-nudity in front of her, but then her thoughts were diverted by the bandage still covering his left shoulder. She approached him slowly and uttered softly, "That must have hurt," her voice edged with concern.

"Yeah, it wasn't pleasant," Lee concurred as he closed the fridge and set the milk jug on the counter. "Part of the job, though. What about you?" He asked with equal concern giving a slight nod to the bruises on her throat as he stepped closer to her. He gingerly touched one of them with the tips of his fingers.

"I'm...uh...I'm okay," she assured him as his gentle touch sent shivers up her spine. "It's...uh...you know...a little tender...but I...Um...I'm okay, really," she stammered nervously.

"Good," Lee said, but didn't remove his hand from her throat, "That's good." He eyed the ugly bruises and felt enormously guilty for putting her in harm's way. He locked eyes with her and soon found his hand sliding to the back of her neck as if of its own accord as he dipped his head to place a soft kiss to the same spot.

As soon as Lee's lips touched the tender skin of her neck, Amanda could no longer fight the feelings she'd been holding back all night. She raised her hands to grip his shoulders, pulling him to her, inviting him to do more. He'd nearly died and still could. Plus, she'd nearly been strangled to death, so why shouldn't she take what he could give her while she still had the chance?

Lee groaned against her as felt her lithe body pressing against his, the desire for her that had been building all day broke loose like a broken levee spilling floodwaters everywhere. He found his hands roaming over her, just as hers were doing the same to him.

"Lee," she hissed as he had begun to suckle her neck and his hands slid under her nightgown to slide up her legs and cup her bottom. She lowered her own hands to his, pulling him tighter to her, amazed to find how hard he already was for her, relishing the feeling of that hardness pressed against her, but desperately craving more. She was thrilled to feel Lee tugging at the bottom of her nightgown urging it upward. She released him long enough to raise her arms above her head so he could remove it from her, leaving her in only her panties.

"God, you're beautiful," Lee growled as he lowered his head to take one nipple into his mouth, his tongue laving the tip of it while his hand caressed the other. He slipped his free hand inside her panties and touch her center, delighted to find her already damp for him as he teased her, which only served to increase her arousal.

"Ohhhh," Amanda moaned low n her throat, her breath coming in short, shallow pants as she tugged at his boxers wanting to feel all of him.

"Let's take this upstairs," Lee murmured against her skin, wanting to feel her beneath him for once when he was inside her, wanting to feel her writhing under him while he made her scream her head off.

"No, Lee, here, now," Amanda cried as she pushed his boxers to the floor, "I need you now!" She gripped his shaft firmly, stroking him with one hand while the other clutched his tight bottom.

Lee halted for a moment, a little disturbed by the fact that she didn't seem to want him in her bed. "Amanda..." he growled as he kicked his boxers aside.

"Lee, please," she pleaded with her voice taking on a note of desperation. "I need to feel you inside me...Please."

"Is that what you want," he whispered low in her ear.

"Yes," she begged.

"You want it now, you got it." Lee, at hearing her desperate pleading for him, decided he wasn't going to deny himself the pleasure of being inside her again and that at this moment; he was willing to take whatever she was willing to give just to achieve that. He pinned her against the door of the fridge, used one hand to rip her thin panties from her body. He lifted her up to straddle him and plunged into her as hard as he could, a loud groan escaping him as he did so at the exquisite feeling of being inside her again.

"Yessss," Amanda hissed as she locked her legs around him, her hands around his neck, tugging at his head to pull him in for a searing kiss as he moved within her, each thrust harder than the last.

"Oh," Lee groaned into her mouth as his tongue probed her while he pumped into her hard and fast. If she didn't want him to really make love to her, so be it. He had no intention of being gentle. She wanted it now, then by God, that's what she was going to get. He used all the strength he had to drive up into her, needing her fiercely, but also feeling a selfish need to punish her for not allowing him as close to her as he wanted to be, by denying him access to her bed. He ripped his mouth from hers, and clamped it down on her neck over the bruises left by the killer. He gripped her bottom tightly pulling down on her hips to drive himself into her as hard and as deep as he could.

"Lee!'Amanda shrieked at feeling him pounding hard into her, his mouth furiously devouring her neck, relishing the bit of danger that accompanied the roughness of it. "Lee!"she screamed again as her whole body shook, uncontrollable spasms rocking her as her fierce orgasm took hold of her, causing all conscious thought to disappear. She was lost only in him and how he made her feel.

"God," Lee cried tearing his mouth from her neck, staring into her passion-filled eyes as her felt her body's tremors against him, felt her wrapped tightly around him, hearing her screaming his name, spurred him on. He withdrew from her and slammed into her again. Again and again, he repeated the motion, until he erupted within her, pumping his seed into her, wishing for just a fleeting moment that she wasn't on the pill, wanting to truly fill her the way her ex-husband, a man who she had allowed to share her bed had, "Amanda," he cried as he spilled into her until there was nothing left.

"Oh...wow..." Amanda panted through her heavy breathing as she tried to force her heart rate to slow down. She saw a look on Lee's face that she couldn't quite identify. Was it hurt? Jealousy? Guilt? She couldn't quite figure it out. "Lee..." she whispered softly as she ran a hand gently down his face.

"Don't," Lee barked as he abruptly withdrew from her completely, causing her to whimper in protest. He set her on her feet and turned from her, leaning on the island, remorse swamping him as he knew he'd hurt her just now out of his violent need to make her completely his.

"Lee," Amanda crooned as she stepped up behind him, placing her hands on his back, feeling the need to soothe him.

"Amanda, I said don't," he reiterated as he pulled away from her, reached for his discarded boxers and yanked them on. "We should get some sleep," he declared as he pushed past her and back into the den.

Amanda sighed, glanced for a moment at the milk jug still sitting there. She picked it up and put it away with a chuckle, then donned her nightgown again, picked up the remnants of her underwear, and finally walked to the den to join Lee, determined to find out what was wrong with him. "You know, this is the second pair of these you've ruined," She lightly scolded with a laugh as she held them up for him to see hoping that he'd see the humor in the situation too.

Lee couldn't help but laugh and chided her, "Well, if you'd stop wearing them like I suggested..." His eyes fell on the discarded clothing he'd piled on the armchair. "Speaking of clothes, your..." he hesitated for a moment. "...your...uh...boyfriend's stuff is over there."

"Oh," Amanda replied thinking she understood what this was about now. "Is...uh...that the real reason you complained about wearing that stuff? Because it's Dean's?"

"What? NO!" He hastily denied, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much if bothered him that she was still seeing that guy. "I told you. I just hate plaid."

"Come on, Lee, I've seen you wear plaid shirts many times. In fact, when I was cleaning your apartment up, I noticed that you own several of them. This is about Dean, isn't it?"

"How can you talk about him just minutes after we..."

"After we what, Lee?" She really wanted to know how he felt about their tumultuous encounters.

"You know what I mean. I mean, I get it." Lee barked as rose to his feet angrily. "I've known for a while that you're sleeping with both of us, but I would think that at least, you would have the courtesy not to bring him up three seconds after you were just screaming out my name!"

"You know, you've got a lot of damn nerve talking about me!" Amanda countered. She was unwilling to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she hadn't slept with Dean in months. "What about you and all the girls you run around with?"

"I'm single! I don't owe anything to you or anybody else!" Lee fired back. The truth was while he'd been on some casual dates, he still hadn't slept with another woman since meeting Amanda, but he sure as hell wasn't about to give her anymore power over him than she already had by letting her in on that fact. "I can run around with anyone I want!'

"Fine!" Amanda snapped as she stormed up the stairs, her early fury with him back with a vengeance.

"Fine!" Lee yelled back cringing as he heard her bedroom door slam. He flung himself back on the couch, kicking himself for letting Amanda King get to him. What he wouldn't give to be able to be happy and carefree the way he used to be before meeting her? Who are you trying to kid, he scolded himself. You weren't happy and you know it. He glanced toward the stairs wanting to go after Amanda and talk to her, but his stubborn pride wouldn't allow him to admit to her that he knew he could only be happy with her, with being the only man in her life...ever. Why couldn't she just ditch that withering weatherman?

Amanda crawled into her bed forlornly, the cool sheets feeling colder than ever. She stubbornly blinked back the tears that had formed in her eyes at Lee's outburst as she reflected back on his words at the motel. "Lousy one-nighter," she muttered as her thoughts of him once again began to plague her. She was sure by his reaction that he saw their encounters as only that, a series of lousy one-nighters. She only wished that he saw them as something more the way that she did.