Chapter 3: Insurance Fraud?

"Rei, lets..lets just watch one more time and see if we can tell, o-ok."

"We have viewed this footage several times, Pilot Ikari." Rei fast forwarded the gun camera to the point where the beam struck her shield. It split into a starburst of fire, flying off wildly into several different neighborhoods, including Rei's own. "There, there's the point of impact. That's my building, I can easily recognize its construction."

Shinji had climbed onto her controls to peer over her shoulder onto the small communication screen they were watching. He inadvertently leaned over, and realized the position they were in when his head rested against her shoulder. He yelped and fell backwards, landing on his back against the wall of Unit-00's Evangelion entry plug. He tried to regain his sensibilities. "Rei I, I'm so sorry, for your house, and for getting that close, and for-"

"It's no matter."

"What!? Rei, that's your home, it-"

"A building is an object, Pilot Ikari. Things do not matter. I do not exist to protect buildings. My purpose is to serve the people, and I failed."

"What? How? We killed the Angel!"

"(You) killed the Angel, Pilot Ikari. I deflected the Angel's beam into the populated city. I should have better deflected the fire into barren ground. My negligence cost the lives of many tonight."

"No, Rei! It's not that! We-we both did the best we could. I tried to kill the angel the first time and I couldn't! You had to deflect the fire while you were getting hit by it! I know exactly what it felt like, I got hit by it too!"

"You killed the Angel under its fire. I should have held its fire."

"I, I got lucky, Rei. When it shot me, I panicked and pulled the trigger. The fact that I killed it was total luck."

"That's not what I believe, Shinji. I believe that everyone has the right to live."

"That is the right thing to believe, Rei!" Shinji, in his intellectual fervor and emotional turmoil at seeing the girl so wounded by the loss of life tonight, instinctively and unconsciously threw his arms around her. "You didn't take that away from anyone! The Angel did! Even -I- can understand that now!"

"My, my, my... Am I interrupting something, you two?" A voice appeared at the plug door. Shinji knew that voice. The voice sounded like it dripped with honey, so Shinji knew that it meant it was a trap to catch two little flies.

"Mi- Misato! We weren't-" Shinji went pale.

"You weren't what, Shinji?"

"We weren't doing anything, we were just watching the screen! Just trying to see if Rei's house is OK!"

"Oh really, because it sure looks to me like Rei's going to have to start carrying around a big stick to beat back her hubby with, cuz he obviously can't get enough of her!"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Major Katsuragi, I can assure you that Shinji was not attempting to instigate any form of sexual contact with me."

"Oh, come on, Rei. I know that; you're no fun. Shinji folds like a cheap chair when I pull the girl card on him, why can't you be that easy?"

"NERV takes a poor view of fraternization, Major."

"I know that too, Rei. But it's not against regulations to mess with Shinji.
Now...tell me, does it really look like your house is gone?"

"Shinji and I both believe so."

"Don't you ever think that you won't have a place to stay, Rei. If you don't want to go down to the barracks, you can move in with me and Shinji."

"You are generous, Major."

"And enough 'Major' stuff, Rei. When you're hanging around the house, my name is Misato."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Eh, it's a start. Now, I need you to tell me what all you left in your apartment."

"My belongings."

"More specific than that, Rei."

"I meant that. All my belongings. At NERV I had my school uniform I'd worn that day in the pilot locker room, and the general supplies and medications that Dr. Akagi provides."

"So, all your stuff was at home."

"Yes."

"Well...You could lounge around on the couch in your plugsuit, so Shinji can see your pretty figure shown off for him-"

"MISATO!" Shinji's face was as red as the Angel's blood.

"Or we can take you shopping, and we can have Shinji pick out what he'd like to see you wear!"

"MISATO!"

"Actually, Major Katsuragi, before I can alter my living arrangements so drastically, I would need you to discuss it with Dr. Akagi."

Shinji looked over at Rei, who had ended Misato's brutal torture of the boy. Another line of Misato's teasing Shinji about her, and the boy would have fainted dead away. "Thank you for saving me from her, Rei."

Two people spoke inside a darkened room. One stood inside the other's office, who sat at their desk; A separation of power and authority, a demonstration that the former must submit to the latter.

"Tell me, Doctor, do you believe Rei's claim that her residence was destroyed unintentionally?" NERV's supreme commander asked from his desk atop the entire organization.

"If she did it on purpose, she did an impressive job of making it look like an accident. I've watched the footage myself and I don't see any signs of her using the shield as a means of attack."

"Then tell me your opinion of Major Katsuragi's intentions to relocate Rei to her own apartment."

"With all due respect, Sir, I'm a biologist, not a family planner. I don't have any indication of ulterior motives from Misato. Her statements implying sexual activity between the First and Third Children should be taken as satire." The Akagi woman rolled her eyes thinking about her long-time frienemy. "As should most things she says. I've known her since high school, it's how she talks."

"Then deliver her these terms: Her request will be acquiesced, however NERV officially expects immediate improvement in all metrics for both personnel now residing in the Katsuragi household."

"I will call Rei and Mis- Katsuragi, apologies, to my office immediately, thank you."

"Then please, do so. This asinine matter has taken up enough of NERV's valuable time."

"Indeed it has, sir."

Misato and Rei walked into Dr. Ritsuko Akagi's laboratory, side by side. The doctor ushered them in quickly.

"I'm just going to ask you this straight up, Rei: Was the apartment an accident?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Then I certainly hope it was. If the Commander finds out it was not, and was just a ploy for you to get yourself new stuff, you will be dealt with. Understood?"

"Yes ma'a-"

"RITSUKO!" Misato leapt to the girl's defense. "HOW THE HELL CAN YOU TALK LIKE THAT!? REI JUST LOST EVERYTHING SHE HAD, AND YOU'RE-"

"She is a NERV employee, Major, and will therefore be held to the standard of such."

"She, and Shinji, for that matter, IS A CHILD."

"And children are expected to behave."

"I hope you never hear yourself talk, Ritsuko, because you might wake up if you did."

"And you might grow up if you ever hear yourself, Misato."

"I'm not the one threatening a kid!"

"It's not a threat, Misato. It's the terms that NERV set. If Rei and Shinji both do not immediately see improvements to their Sync Rato, their academic grades, and their physical fitness, Ayanami will be removed from your care and moved into base barracks. Do you understand?"

"May I ask a question, Doctor?" Rei spoke up... 'Up' being a relative term considering Rei's indoor voice was barely a whisper.

"What is it, Rei?"

"How far must I improve my academics? I receive straight A's in my classes. In addition, it is no secret that my physique is somewhat frail."

Ritsuko was taken aback. Rei actually raised a valid point. "Well...You have good grades, but Shinji certainly needs help. I suggest you hold him accountable for his studies, since Misato clearly doesn't."

"He just started school! And practically his first day there involved him getting beat up and called back to NERV for a sortie!" Misato shouted.

"Then he has plenty of room to improve. And Rei, I assume your medications were in your apartment?"

"Yes, they were."

"Have you noticed any withdrawals yet?"

"No."

"Good. I'll have the pharma team send you a supply to Misato's apartment. Keep your drugs away from Misato, would you please?"

"RITSUKO! I AM NOT A FUCKING PILL JUNKIE!"

Rei cut off the offended brunette. "Dr. Akagi, what about my clothing? Beyond my uniform for the day, it was lost as well."

"Obviously Misato will need to take you shopping."

"Apologies, I meant my medical garments."

"Oh. That. I'll get you a box from the hospital you can take home today."

The supermodel and her new ward returned to the surface of the city. Rei had a pair of substantial cardboard boxes issued to her, but other than that, moved in with her squadron leader with only the clothes on her back.

"Shinnnnnjiii!" Misato called out across their apartment. "Come welcome in your pretty new roommate!"

Shinji appeared from within his room and saw Rei, standing right there in the living room. There was now a girl his age and his height living with him...and she was beautiful. "Uh, uh, uh- h-Hi, Rei...Wu-Wu-Welcome home."

"Aaaawww, Shinji's too stunned to speak! I'll help out." Misato walked up to Shinji and tweaked his nose, getting him to snap out of it. "Shinji, you go clean up the guest room, I get to take Rei shopping for some outfits! Make sure the closet and dresser's empty for us and vacuum her room, please dear? I'm also going to order her a bed from the furniture store. Make sure the center of the room is clear!" Misato leaned over him and pouted, just enough to let him see inside her blouse, which she conveniently left the top button opened. Shinji went wide-eyed, and ran away into what would become Rei's bedroom. Misato laughed and escorted Rei out.

At the mall, Misato learned that Rei apparently had very strict, conventionally feminine standards for civilian clothing. Jeans and tank tops were out of the question to Rei, and would flatly reject them when Misato asked her to try them on. She did, however, model numerous variants of the blouse and dress that made up her uniform. Misato chose to exploit this newfound knowledge by procuring several cream-white and sky blue sailor dresses to pair with yellow, blue, and pink blouses. She dressed Rei up to the appearance of a classic 1950's high school girl; and Rei, in all her natural, unmade and unkempt beauty, turned heads, male and female alike, with her appearance likened to a postcard or a Rockwell painting.

"Major Katsuragi, will I need all these? Our school will replace the uniforms I lost."

"You certainly will, Rei, because I will not have you spending all day in that bland envelope they call a dress."

But Misato knew it was time to get serious. She gathered up the new outfits as Rei changed back into the one school uniform she still owned, and then took Rei to the women's underwear section of the store. She wore an evil grin as she walked Rei over. This is gonna be fun, Shinji will be eating out of the palm of her hand.

She started innocently enough. "Rei, do you know your specific measurements?"

"I wear small clothing, Misato. I don't expressly tailor my sizes."

"Well that just won't do. While you're with me, you're getting the best." And so Rei spent the next hour under the measuring tape, while Misato scouted the selection for the perfect lace and silk adornments, returning to the dressing room with multiple Balconette bras with elaborate floral weaves, lace panties, and pairs of glossy pantyhose intended to give Rei's legs a mirror shine. Oh, and pajamas. Misato also found several silk babydoll nighties that would just barely cover enough to keep Shinji interested. Of course, she wasn't going to tell Rei about that intention just yet.

"Misato, these are expensive undergarments."

"They're not expensive, Rei, they're investments. We're investing in your future, after all! Besides, even I know you never spend your paycheck. Go wild for a day!"

"But I also need to purchase a bedroom set."

"No you don't; NERV's paying for that."

"That is a helpful revelation. Why was I not made aware of it?"

"Oh geez, because I wanted it to be a housewarming surprise!"

"I apologize, but I don't take surprise very well. I feel it's more appropriate to plan ahead properly."

"Yeah, but you're a teenager, not an old maid who clips coupons. Your room is a gift from me and NERV. The clothes are from you to you, so they might as well look good!"

"Major, one's appearance has little bearing on sync or combat performance."

"So? You've also got friends now, Rei. That means you'll be hanging out, going to parties, out on dates..."

Rei stopped in her tracks. "I...have friends?"

"Of course you do, princess! You've got me, you've got Shinji, that means you're gonna start getting friends at school too, and soon you're gonna have Asuka. And you know as well as I do that Asuka can be a little drama queen when she wants to."

"Major, Commander Ikari forbade me from such activity-"

"That order was revoked when you moved in with me. You're hereby ordered to go have a life, something you and Shinji have earned after all the garbage we put you through."

Rei was puzzled, as she still did not have a firm grasp on Major Katsuragi's euphemisms. "Do you mean I'm ordered to partake in recreation activities with Shinji?"

"I mean, well, sure. With Shinji. Or Touji and Kensuke. Or Asuka when she gets here. Or that nice girl who serves as your class rep. I mean have fun with whoever the hell you want, I don't get to choose your friends for you."

They returned home after nightfall. Rei had bundles of clothes to load into her closet and dressers, and a vanity with a mirror and a poster bed arrived outside their door.

"Rei, get your clothes unpacked. Shinji, you're a man, that means you're with me!" Misato shouted, pressing him into service to move furniture like the man he was. Rei finished quickly as the vanity and bedframe were installed, and slipped into Misato's bathroom to change for her first night in her new home.

It was at that point that Misato and Shinji were heard, loudly and clumsily fighting to maneuver Rei's new mattress into her bedroom. And of course, the mattress won the battle. Shinji was thrown through the bathroom door, to land on his back to come to a crashing halt between Rei's legs. Shinji was paralyzed, looking up at the glossy white garment under Rei's new nightie, and even Rei was disturbed, and was staring down at him.

Misato knew a crisis just unfolded.
At least Shinji isn't screaming yet. She thought to herself. She left him there and forcibly dragged the mattress into Rei's room, then returned to drag Shinji by the leg, still flat on his back, into his own room. "Don't you move from that spot, or make a sound, you understand me?"

Shinji merely nodded from his splayed out position.

"Good. I'm going to resolve this with Rei, then I'll be back to deal with you." Misato slid Shinji's door shut and returned to the bathroom. Rei was still standing there.

"Well," Misato said, "it had to get awkward around here sooner or later."

"Yes ma'am. I suppose it did."

"Rei, I just want you to be honest with me, please. Nothing needs to leave this bathroom. How are you feeling?"

"Embarrassed."

"Fair enough. Mind if I ask why you're wearing that?" Misato pointed down to Rei's waist, where the hem of her pajama top concealed all but the very bottom of the white plastic adolescent diaper she was wearing.

"Because nocturnal enuresis is just one of the many medical conditions that I contend with."

"Then how come Ritsuko never mentioned it to me? I already know that you have brittle bones and a low platelet count, but this is new, and it's important Rei. I'm not mad, but I should have been told about it. Actually, I am mad. At Akagi, not you. What I want from you is your full medication listing and any other reasonable accommodations I'm supposed to know you need...Scratch that, I'm going to demand that Ritsuko give you another full physical and a full audit to that medication you take so I can find out what you really need to be on."

"Misato, medical records are classified, Dr. Akagi will not share them."

"While you're up here with me, I'm responsible for your health. If she won't cooperate, I'm taking you to Tokyo Medical University for a damn second opinion." Misato took a breath and started again. "Look, Rei, I'm not mad at you, but I do need to be part of your life, now. That means I need to be clued in for this kind of stuff, because now we have Shinji panicking over in the next room...Speaking of which, I don't care if you wet the bed as long as you keep wearing those and keep up with your laundry. But, what about during the day?

"I have not had any daytime incidents. I wear maximum feminine liners due to the possibility, however."

"That's mature of you. Is there anything else I don't know about?"

"Dr. Akagi said that my entire pelvic area is underdeveloped. She said that I'm maternally barren."

Misato was taken aback. "You know what, Rei? I want to show you something. It took me ten years to come to terms with this: Do you happen to know what I was doing when I was 12 years old?"

"Yes ma'am. You were in Antarctica during the Second Impact's planetary explosion."

"Look at this." Misato removed her jacket and opened her shirt. Under her bra was a long, wide scar that covered most of her chest. Rei saw, and immediately understood what her guardian meant. Misato walked up to her and gave the girl a sad, affectionate hug. "I can't be a mother either, Rei. We've got that in common."

"Yes, we do."

"Now then," Misato retucked her shirt. "I need to know where your nightclothes are."

"The bottommost drawer of the vanity."

"OK. You stay right here for now, I'm gonna go reconcile this little circus with Shinji."

"She wasn't...there's no way she was wearing...but that wasn't her panties, it was plastic!" Shinji mumbled to himself in his room, when Misato entered the room with a pair of objects, a thin, silky garment on the bottom, and the object of Shinji's conniption atop it.

"That's right, Shinji! It was plastic. So here's the skinny: Rei wets the bed. She always has, and may continue to do so. It's in her genetics apparently. So, since you initially handled it so well, to ensure you're properly acclimated to the living arrangements, you're going to spend a night in Rei's shoes. Or, clothes, more specifically."

"WHAT? MISAT-"

"And here you are, freaking out again."

"YEAH, BECAUSE YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN A DIAPER!"

"Yeah, and tommorow I won't be, nor any other day after that, but today it's to make sure that you don't cause any problems in the future because Rei does wear them. So, I can either walk out and you take care of yourself, or..." Misato smirked "I can change you myself."

Shinji's eyes opened as big as bowling balls. "I- I CAN DO IT"

"K, sweetie!" Misato walked out. Several minutes later, the door opened, and Misato squealed at the most precious sight she had ever seen! Shinji was a late bloomer, so he had not a single strand of body hair on his arms or legs, and a face that was soft and easy on the eyes. This meant, that the boy wearing the nightie and diaper under it, looked almost as innocent and feminine as Rei herself did.

Shinji was terrified, not just because of how outrageous he looked, but because of how good he felt. It's so comfortable! IT'S TOO COMFORTABLE! IT SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE THIS, his mind screamed to himself, it felt like he was wearing a soft cloud over his shoulders and chest, and a fluffy pillow around his waist. He looked, and felt, like a pretty girl, and that threw his fledgling ego into chaos. "I get the picture, Misato. Can...Can I take this stuff off now?"

"Not yet, Shinji! I said spend a night in Rei's shoes, that means you go sleep it off and you can change in the morning."

"But Misato-" Shinji's whining to Misato was cut off by the act from the third person in the room. Neither Shinji nor Misato noticed the change in Rei's expression or that the girl's body began gently moving towards Shinji when he emerged from the room. They did notice when Rei stopped right up against Shinji's torso, and laid her head down on his shoulder. Misato cupped her face in her hands at the adorable sight.
O - M - G. Shinji. Has. A. Girlfriend. She thought to herself, as she smiled at the blush upon both the kids' cheeks.

"Rei," Misato started while Shinji stood comatose. "Mind if I asked what inspired this little display of affection?"

"I do...have a reason for acting this way, Misato." Rei answered from her position on Shinji. "This condition, even more than the others, is indeed embarrassing. Therefore it is quite lonely as well. Seeing Shinji like this...it made that loneliness go away..."

"Well go on, Shinji!" Misato jabbed at him. "You heard the girl! Hug her already! Don't let your girlfriend do all the work!"

Shinji, still deer eyed, turned to look at Rei, still up against him. He slowly brought his arms up and around her, and then his eyes shrunk back to normal. Somewhere, deep within him, he felt some primal instincts take over him, and he knew it would take more than the Angels attacking to make those arms of his let go, because holding this girl, this beautiful girl, no matter how ridiculous the reason that he was holding her, felt indescribably spectacular. It felt like no other feeling in the world; her soft, gentle blue hair, her otherworldly but alluring red eyes, and of course, her figure, that Olympic athletes and professional models alike would kill to have.

"Alright you two cutie pies," Misato said in a chirpy, songlike tone, "Time for bed, break it up."

The two teens, their hearts now captured by the other, reluctantly let go and retired to their own rooms, and Misato proudly went to the kitchen and rewarded herself for managing the teen disaster by opening herself up an ice cold beer.

Several hours passed, and Shinji had dozed off to sleep on his bedroll in his room, when the door slid open and shut, and Shinji was startled awake by feeling his blanket pulled off of him. In yet another panic, he darted up and pulled down the hem of the outrageous lingerie Misato had forced him into, only to be relieved by feeling a smooth plastic seat relax into his lap, soft hair brush against his face, and a pair of lips press against his cheek. Of course, that did nothing to prevent his teenage endowment from rising to full attention, only to be trapped within its absorbent prison.

"Rei!" He tried to whisper. "Misato will kill us for this!"

"Perhaps. But I've never felt such closeness to another before this night, Shinji. It has made me feel a desire for you that I cannot disregard. You've occupied my thoughts from the moment you saw me tonight, so I felt that I had to share this night with you." The pair of lips moved from Shinji's cheek, to the pair of lips of his own.

This was it. He was kissing a girl. No other achievement in Shinji's life, not even an infinite number of slain Angels could compare to this moment, or the moments that followed, with the two relaxing into a night of sweet dreams in each others arms, to when morning came, where Shinji awoke to his young love nestled into his shoulder. He gently stroked her face until her own eyes opened, and they began again, until Misato opened their door to discover them both, lip locked and wrapped in each other's embrace.

A/N: As I said in the beginning, the content would be difficult, adult, and wierd. Please leave any constructive comments you'd like, but remember hate mail gets ignored.