Chapter 5

"Yuu-chan, come on, talk to me!" Mikaela begs futilely for what has to be somewhere around the tenth time. Yuu hasn't spoken a word to him since he found out they'd be crossing the tundra. To be fair, he is justified considered he hadn't wanted to warn Yuu about what was coming. Last night, they'd made camp right at the border between the two areas and lit a fire for what would probably be their warmest night for a while.

The other teen made it a point to sleep on the opposite side of the fire from him.

Then this morning, they'd packed everything up, wrapped up in their cloaks and set out across the tundra. That was hours ago and Yuu's had a pinched, sour look on his face for miles as they slogged through the bleak landscape of frozen grass and snowy hills. The freezing air bites at them with every step they take and he's forever thankful he remembered scarves to protect their faces.

Although, it doesn't seem to help Yuu's mood.

"Are you mad at me Yuu-chan?"

"Yes!" Yuu turns back to glare at him, "We're going to die in this frozen wasteland Mika and it'll be all your fault!"

"Okay, so maybe Winter is a little harsher than I thought it would be," he concedes, grabbing Yuu's arm to keep him from tripping on yet another pile of snow and he's given another angry scowl for his efforts.

Once he's righted, Yuu shoots him a disbelieving look, "A little? Mikaela, look around us!"

He grimaces, "You don't have to use my full name. I get that you're angry."

"Look. Around."

Mikaela sighs as his eyes take in the landscape, the blinding whiteness of their surroundings that's hard to constantly look at when the sun's reflecting off everything, the few hints of green here and there, but more than anything, freezing snow. Even so, it's beautiful out here. "What do you want me to say, Yuu-chan?"

"Apologize!" He demands, pouting at Mika. "For making me endure this."

"I'm sorry. I honestly hoped we'd make it here before the weather got really bad, but we're strong! We can survive!" He smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring way and Yuu just shakes his head, stomping forward through the deep snow.

Well at least he didn't give up and turn around, small blessings.

Mile after mile of walking through the snow is hard on their legs, especially in the areas where the snow is deeper. They tire easier in the cold weather and combined with the exhaustion and numbness, they can't travel as far. Each day they cover less and less ground. When it's too hard to go on, they huddle together for warmth around a small flame when they can, low energy makes it hard to do too much magic and Yuu usually falls asleep against him fairly quickly anyway.

Cooking isn't impossible, but it's more trouble than it's worth to try gathering what little wood there is to start a fire for cooking. Instead, they subsist on mostly dried meat and dried fruit, packing their canteens with snow to melt for drinking water from their body heat.

At night, they dig shallow holes against snow drifts for insulation and bury themselves inside with blankets that have to be shaken free of snow in the morning before being packed away. Fortunately if they tuck themselves in tight enough, their shared body heat keeps the temperature manageable throughout the night.

It works out well because he's not able to gather enough energy for magic to give them any kind of extra warmth after walking himself to exhaustion everyday. Before they'd figured that out, each morning would start out with cold aching bodies and a grouchier Yuu.

Surprisingly enough, Yuu doesn't protest their sleeping arrangements at all. In fact, he's only too eager to slide into their burrow at night and curl up into sleep. Honestly, he'd thought the other male would protest more, but apparently being warm takes precedence over his anger at having to cross the glacial steppe or sleep close to someone.

They continue on like this for days, barely talking to conserve their energy and keep their throats hydrated. It's not like they have much to say to each other right now anyway.

It's when they're taking a break near a frozen lake that he feels the shift in the weather. A blizzard is coming. Mikaela looks over to where Yuu is crawling across the lake on his hands and knees, peering at the fish swimming below the ice, "Yuu-chan?"

"Hmm?" He glances up and the only thing visible are his eyes, not even his nose escapes the tightly tied scarf.

"There's a blizzard coming."

Yuu is on his feet in a second and quickly backs off the ice, staring towards the cloudless sky in confusion. "How do you know?"

"I can just feel it," he shrugs.

Emerald eyes stare at him suspiciously before Yuu sighs, "Well, what the hell are we supposed to do now?"

"Prepare."

"Mika, you are the worst planner! I thought you knew what you were doing!"

"I got us this far, didn't I?!"

"Barely."

"...You're still mad about me not telling you."

"And I'll stay mad until we make it through this and my bones aren't frozen," Yuu huffs at him.

"Bones can't freeze."

"Says you."

Mikaela runs a frustrated hand through his hair and drops the subject, "Just help me. We need to build shelter to protect us."

"Why can't we just burrow again?"

"We need to protect our things this time, plus depending on how much snow comes we could be trapped inside a burrow."

Yuu gives a flat look, "The absolute worst." He peers closer, "Why do you look guilty?"

"Uh…"

"Mika…"

"It'll probably be colder afterwards too, cold enough that we may want to stay put for a little while to avoid any more blizzards. We should stay where we'll have shelter."

"..."

"It might be blizzard season."

"Dammit Mika!" Yuu yells and shoves him into the snow. "You get worse every time I talk to you!"

"It's not that long!" He protests, scooting away from Yuu and hauling himself back to his feet. "We just have to last a few weeks. If we'd waited, we would have gotten there like six months later."

"At least we would have made it," Yuu counters.

"We'll be fine."

"Says you, I don't even have the energy to practice anymore. It takes all my energy just to get through the day."

"I know, I'm sorry. It'll get better, I promise. I just didn't want you to leave if you knew we had to cross this."

"Yeah, yeah." Yuu waves his apology off, "What do we need to get this done?"

Mikaela lets out a quiet sigh and together they start gathering things to build a small shelter. They decide to use the biggest snow drift as a backing to lean broken branches against. Somehow, they manage to stack enough snow to pack into walls for a small shelter. Once they've finished that, crunchy dry leaves and tree bark are spread on the ground for insulation and one of their blankets is tossed over it. Not very comfortable, but it'll protect them.

Once they've moved their things into the small space, Yuu gives him a look that he's pretty sure means he's half forgiven, "I guess it's not so bad."

"I'm glad," he murmurs to Yuu's retreating back before laying down on the blanket. At least something is going a little better.

Shelter crisis averted, Yuu crawls back onto the frozen lake and presses his bare palm against the ice, willing his hand to heat. The ice is thick, but he can see a few blurred medium sized shapes swimming below it and he wants those fish. It's been days since they've had a hot meal and even longer since he's had fresh meat. Just thinking of the aroma from grilling fish makes his mouth water. He just has to catch them, Mikaela can cook.

Yuu shouts as his hand plunges into the lake and suddenly he's up to his elbow in freezing water. He yanks his arm back, desperately trying to rub feeling back into his numb limb before he loses it when the first frigid burst of air sends him to the ground.

He crawls toward their shelter, silently cursing Mika the whole way until he scoots inside and packs snow up behind him to seal out the wind. With the entrance sealed, it's almost completely dark inside, but before he can open his mouth to complain, Mika's holding a faintly glowing ball of light between his hands and watching him.

"The blizzard hit," he states unnecessarily to fill the silence.

Mikaela raises an eyebrow, "Obviously." Yuu scowls at him, moving further inside to lean against the wall, shivering then instead shifting himself closer to the soft, warm glow of Mikaela's light. It's quiet, but tense as they sit together listening to the strong winds of the blizzard outside.

Yuu looks up and can't help admiring once again how light and shadow always seem to illuminate Mikaela's best features. He wishes he didn't notice. "Hey, teach me to do that. It'll be helpful for when I'm alone at night." Anything to distract me.

He can't place the look, but even as Mikaela agrees, something shifts minutely in his eyes and it seems like he withdraws the slightest bit. "It's really not that hard, it's like summoning fire, you just focus on the warmth and light of the fire rather than the energy and heat. The things that can't hurt you."

Mikaela lets his own light float around in the small space, tugs his hands over, and Yuu resists the urge to yank his hands away. He very clearly remembers what happened the last time they held hands and the effects of that haven't faded, he still wants to kiss Mika enough that he's not eager for them to start touching each other again.

Yuu tries to listen, he honestly does, there's just one too many conflicting emotions tumbling around inside of him to focus on anything other than the warmth of Mika's hands around his own. It's useless to keep struggling when he knows it's not what he really wants right now. Yuu gives up, letting his hands drop away, and lays down on his side next to Mika to avoid looking at the other boy and stares up at the roof, "I hope you know this is your punishment for lying."

"What?"

"Remember what you told me in town? You had to buy all these supplies because a blizzard may hit. We're trapped here because you lied to me instead of telling me where we were going."

A quiet laugh, "Whatever, Yuu-chan. I'm sure the weather is punishing me for lying, but not you for stealing. This may be karma catching up to you." Yuu flinches and slaps away the hand slipping under his cloak to tickle his sides.

"You're not sneaky and it's your fault," he mutters, scooting the few inches away he can in the small space and shutting his eyes. "Don't do that."

"Still angry with me?"

"Mhmm." Mikaela's fingers drag through his hair lightly and he wants to tell the other boy to back off, but it also feels really really nice plus he likes when Mikaela touches him gently like this. "Talk to me, Mika."

"Now you want to talk?"

"Mika," he chastens.

"Fine, fine. About what?"

"Tell me about your orphanage, before you left."

"Hmm...okay. I'd been the-"

"Don't stop."

"What?" Mika looks over at him in confusion, "I barely started."

"My hair, I didn't say stop." A smirk breaks out across the blonde's face, but he interrupts before Mikaela can comment, "Keep going with the story."

"Aren't you demanding," he murmurs, resuming his stroking and Yuu settles back down to bask in the attention. "I'd been there since I was a baby and I liked it, everyone was really friendly, there were a lot of younger kids, so I was always helping with them. I was like the adorable little brother everyone wanted." Yuu scoffs and gets a tug in response. "And the responsible older brother to the younger kids, but then I turned ten and there was...magical puberty…"

"Magical puberty? You couldn't come up with a better word than that?"

"Do you want to hear or not?"

"Okay, tell me about your magical puberty."

"It probably went about the same as yours, uncontrollable magic, the fear from other people," he shrugs. "After that, I was no longer a favorite, I was a burden, someone they wished was gone. The only ones that didn't care were the youngest who didn't even know to be afraid, but the adults kept me from them all the same. They fed me and clothed me, but I was isolated from everyone now. They made sure everyone in the town knew there was something wrong with me, but at least I still had a home for what it was."

"Mmm...that's right, you were lucky they didn't throw you out. You're too clueless, I don't think you'd have lasted long on the streets."

"Thanks for the confidence, but interestingly enough, I found out when I was sixteen that when I was dumped at the orphanage, there were strict instructions that I wasn't allowed to be kicked out until I was sixteen or the whole orphanage would be cursed. Apparently soon after, the letter caught fire and that was enough to make them believe it. Once the magic developed, they likely thought it was a prophecy and if they kicked me out, I'd come back and destroy the place in revenge. So, they kept me. Alone, but safe."

Yuu stares up at him, "You don't seem it."

"Seem what?"

"Seem like you've been isolated for years. It's hard to tell."

"Because I'm not as untrusting as you? I think the difference was I may have been isolated, but I was surrounded by people who were friends with each other. I wanted that again, I hated being alone. Everyone you were around afterwards was just like you, defensive and content to be alone."

"I wouldn't say content."

"As hard as it was to get you to agree to come along, that's hard to believe."

Yuu turns away, "No one asked you," he mutters before lapsing into silence. Mikaela's so friendly, too friendly. There's no way being rejected for that long hasn't affected him, but it's like there's a mask in place. He only sees what Mikaela wants him to see, only gets half the person. It's for that reason that he can't trust in Mikaela fully, can't help doubting his sincerity. Unlike Mikaela, he's honest, he doesn't pretend to be happy or unbothered and he doesn't think Mikaela is as golden as he seems. It's an act.

The knowledge doesn't change his feelings, but he's wary. You never know what to expect from the ones who hide. Yuu knows they're the least trustworthy of all.

Mikaela's not sure what the other teen is thinking, but he lets him be. Yuu seems to do that sometimes, retreat in on himself to mull over new information, giving no hints to his thoughts.

They don't talk much the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. They eat more of the dried food he brought, brave the blizzard in turns to relieve themselves, and finally he extinguishes the light as they turn in for the night.

He pulls the blanket up to his chin and wraps it tighter around himself. It's much more comfortable in here than in the cramped space of their usual burrow, or well it was until Yuu yanks his blanket up and slides over into his space. "Yuu-chan, what are you doing? Get on your own side, we have room now!"

"Miiika, let me sleep next to you, it's cold over there."

"It is not, it feels the same here." Yuu ignores him, wrapping arms and legs around him under the blanket, then settling in. And here, he'd actually thought Yuu minded when they had to sleep pressed together every night they burrowed. "You're so annoying."

"Mm."

At least whatever was bothering him seems okay now. He shifts a fraction and feels Yuu's limbs tighten around him to keep him pulled in close. He supposes he should feel touched that Yuu wants to keep him near like this. The other boy has learned to keep what's important to him close when he sleeps, it used to be his bag that was always securely in his arms at night and now it's him.

He wonders if Yuu realizes just how much his unconscious choices are saying. It's certainly not lost on him. In fact, Yuu's been involuntarily giving off subtle hints that he may be starting to feel something more than just friendship for a while now. He's not going to push it though, if Yuu wants to act on it, that's up to him and he wouldn't be...unreceptive if Yuu did.

Mikaela turns in his hold and abruptly yanks Yuu closer, feeling him startle and tense up before slowly relaxing. Yuu's fingers dig a little tighter into is shirt and he falls asleep like that, with Yuu's warm breath against his shoulder.

~~~~~
"Mika! Mika!" Someone's shaking him and his eyes open heavily to daylight. Daylight? He glances around and groans, shrinking back into his blankets when he realizes Yuu has knocked down the entrance to let in daylight and out all the warmth from the night. "Mika!"

"What." It's not a question.

Bright eyes look at him excitedly, "There's more fish today. Get up, I'm hungry!"

Yuu might as well be speaking another language for how well his sleepy brain is struggling to understand what's going on, "How are we getting these fish?"

"You're going to help me crack the ice, then start the fire to cook while I catch them."

Mikaela snorts and pulls his blanket tighter around him, wishing Yuu would seal the entrance and leave him alone to sleep. "You can't cook. How are you going to catch a fish? And you'll freeze."

"It's not for long, just get up before another blizzard comes. Get up!" Yuu viciously rips his blanket off and tosses it aside and he curls in on himself in the sudden freezing temperature.

"Yuu-chan!" He desperately reaches for his blanket to regain some of his lost warmth, but Yuu shoves his hands aside and hands him his cloak and scarf instead.

"Let's go."

"Ugh, Yuu-chan, I don't want any fish!"

"Yes, you do. You just want to sleep more." Pulling on the clothing Yuu throws at him, he drags himself outside to where Yuu is already waiting on the ice. "Don't look at me like that, get over here."

Sullenly, he gets down on his knees next to Yuu and begins melting the ice as Yuu hacks through it with a stick. When they finally have a big enough hole for fishing, he steps back to let Yuu finish the job and makes his way carefully back to land to start a fire.

"Mika! Watch me catch a fish! I'll catch two, one for each of us."

"Sure you will," he murmurs passively, pulling his knees up to his chest and letting the fire warm him. Why oh why am I awake right now? It only takes him thirty seconds to realize Yuu put absolutely no thought into how he was supposed to catch a fish. The sight of Yuu flat on his stomach trying to catch fish with his bare hands actually brings a smile to his face. "Do you need help, Yuu-chan?" He calls out in amusement.

"No! I've almost got it, they keep slipping away! Good thing you don't want any."

"I changed my mind, if you catch a fish, I'm eating it for breakfast too."

"Go back to sleep!"

Sighing as he senses Yuu's frustration starting to mount, Mikaela stands up and walks over, gently nudging Yuu aside and ignoring his glare. A quick flick of his fingers and some of the jumping fish freeze and fall flat long enough for Yuu to scoop two of them up. "Hurry up, I'm hungry."

Yuu pouts and throws the once again flopping fish into his lap, ignoring his screech, "I could've done that."

"Yuu-chan!"

"What?" He smirks, "Cook them, I did my part."

Mikaela takes in a deep, calming breath and dumps the fish off his lap. As much as he'd like to smack Yuu with one of the flailing fish, he's almost positive it would lead to a physical confrontation that he doesn't feel like having right now and he's hungry.

So, with only a threatening glance towards his companion, he cleans the fish himself and spears them up beside the fire to roast. He'll have his payback later, when it won't interfere with getting hot food in his stomach.

After their breakfast and loaded down with full stomachs, they willingly spend time outside. A full night's rest and hot food makes the weather a lot less daunting than before. "I thought you hated the snow," he calls out as Yuu attempts to make a snowman even taller than himself.

"No. I've never seen so much snow in my life before this and I hate walking through it everyday, but playing in it is fine."

Yuu abandons his headless snowman, climbs to the top of a snow drift and waves him over, but he declines, content to stay warm by the fire and let Yuu burn off all his energy. He smiles as Yuu rolls down the hill before shaking the snow off him and coming back to push against him and steal his warmth. The other teen grins at him, happy and open with nothing but teeth and for the first time he feels his heart skip a beat.

He seems much happier now than when they first met, even if they are stuck in the middle of the Glacial Steppe during blizzard season. It doesn't seem to be bothering Yuu much he's thinking he might actually join Yuu in whatever snow game he comes up with next until the temperature again drops sharply and not even the fire can make him want to stay out here any longer.

"Is another blizzard coming?"

"Yeah, I think so." Mikaela quickly dumps snow over their fire and flees back inside with Yuu right behind him.

He shivers in the weak light that Yuu's holding. The other boy had figured it out, not perfectly, but enough to dimly light the area. Mikaela ignores the pang in his chest when he thinks back to Yuu's words. It sounds like he's already looking towards their future apart. It's colder than earlier tonight and leaving the entrance open all day didn't help, the temperature's barely warmer inside than outside. Although...skin contact almost always get you warmer faster than layers of clothes.

His eyes flick over Yuu curiously and he wonders...he's very well aware of his own preferences and as he watches Yuu change into a dry shirt, he thinks he wouldn't mind touching him a little more intimately. Especially with them separating afterwards, this might be the only chance they have to connect in that way.

But, he's not sure how interested Yuu would be, even if he is a lot more open now. Mikaela's only been with one other person and he hadn't liked him much, but he thinks he and Yuu get along well enough that it would be nice. Almost as if reading his mind, Yuu gives him a sour look. "It's too cold, use your light too."

"There's one way to guarantee we stay warm," he murmurs back without breaking eye contact. Yuu looks at him quizzically and Mika places a hand on his thigh.

Emerald eyes widen, then default into a blank stare, "That's not accepted."

"What do you care?" He counters against the guarded look Yuu's giving him. "You didn't seem the type to care what other people or society in general think."

"Well, you didn't seem the type to be into that."

"Into what?"

"Nothing." Yuu looks away.

"Just because everyone doesn't agree with something doesn't make it wrong. There's nothing wrong with caring about someone, no matter who they are. Don't let their judgement keep you from being happy."

Yuu scoffs, "And that would make me happy?"

"There are other times and other people, I'm just saying don't force yourself into a box."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"Okay, stay over there and freeze."

Yuu pulls his knees to his chest and tightens his cloak around him, unsure what to think. Mikaela really just offered to have sex with him, not in a lecherous way, just matter of fact. He peeks over to where the other boy is laying, cradling his own ball of light against his stomach and shifts uncomfortably.

Mika is beautiful and he is cold, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. The other boy has his annoying moments, but he's never hurt him or done anything more than care for him. He probably has gentle touches too and afterwards Mikaela will be warm against him and he might run fingers through his hair, and he might finally be able to kiss him. Then, they can just pretend like it never happened and everything will be the same. Getting warm isn't sounding so bad after all, he reasons with himself. There could be worse first times.

"Hey, Mika," he crawls over and tugs at the blonde's arm, avoiding his gaze, but Mikaela doesn't need to see him to understand.

"You sure?"

"If I wasn't, would I be over here?"

"Yes."

Yuu stares at him for second before collapsing face first in his chest, "Whatever. I'm just cold."

"Mmhmm."

Mikaela flips them over and sifts through his bag for a container of coconut oil that he sets beside them, then unties both their cloaks. "What's that for? You said you brought it to keep our skin from cracking in the cold."

"I did and fortunately it also has other uses."

"Are you going to rub that on me?" Yuu questions with a suspicious look up at him. "My skin's not that dry."

"Well, I'm going to rub it somewhere," he answers with a smile.

Yuu shivers in the cold air as his shirt is tugged off and now he's starting to regret his decision, but Mika's sliding his pants down his legs faster than his hands can stop him. "Wait, can you get rid of the light?"

"Embarrassed?"

"No, it's just weird. I don't…"

"It's fine." The light is extinguished and they're plunged into darkness. Only now does he feel comfortable enough to let Mikaela remove his last remaining piece of clothing. It's nerve-wracking laying there nude with goosebumps popping up over his skin while Mikaela reaches a similar state of undress as him. Finally the other boy settles between his legs with a sigh and in the next second, Yuu flinches when a well oiled finger presses into him. Now he knows what the coconut oil was for.

Mikaela gently and carefully works him open, making sure to use liberal amounts of oil. He pauses and a hot hardness is suddenly against him. Yuu sucks in a loud breath and feels the reassuring squeeze on his hip before there's a long, sharp pain, then everything feels so good. He's embarrassed by how good it feels, solid and hot inside him. His hips rock involuntarily and Yuu bites his lip to hold in his gasp of pleasure.

He loves this and he hates himself for it.

He had tried so hard, chose to starve rather than give up the last piece of himself and use his body for food and clothes. It was an option for a while until he'd gotten so thin, the price they would have paid wouldn't have been worth it. Those so called Aristocratic Nobles who looked down on everyone below them, yet would pay to have a young male warm their bed while they got lost in their own ecstasy.

And now look at him, on his back for something as meager as warmth. But who was he really kidding, it wasn't just the warmth. It was the warmth of Mika, the closeness of him, of Mika running fingers through his hair and kissing his breath away, their mouths meeting again and again in the kisses that he'd been longing for.

For all his friendliness, Mika rarely lets him get this close emotionally. Even if it's only from convenience, he can't complain, he only came with the blonde out of convenience too.

"Yuu-chan," he breathes. "Pay attention. Stop thinking so much." Then there's a tongue against his lips, forcing his mouth open, and he can't hold back the moans with Mika there. It's not exactly how he wanted his first kisses with Mika to go, but he'll take it.

His fingers are buried deep in Mikaela's soft curls when the blonde tenses and pulls away from his mouth. Yuu whines in protest a split second before he feels it. Magic crawling inside his body and not just his own. It's strong and familiar, spreading throughout him. He can feel his own magic retreating deeper inside, but Mikaela's magic doesn't stop spreading and when it finally reaches his own, it latches on and forces its way through, molding Yuu's magic to itself.

Mikaela is tense above him, barely moving and Yuu can see the outline of his strained expression in the faint turquoise glow from their skin. This time, their magic doesn't stop once it's mixed, it shifts continuously back and forth between their bodies, heating his skin and changing him in ways he feels, but can't understand. It's pleasurable and soothing and he doesn't want it to stop.

"Mika…" Yuu whispers as the other teen tries to pull away from him again, but he's unwilling to break their connection. Mikaela resists as Yuu pulls him close again and presses their mouths back together. Stop resisting.

The more skin contact they have, the stronger their magic seems to burn between them, drawing them together to the point of intensity and close to painful, then Mikaela can't resist his grip anymore. He finally lets their bodies meld back together and finishes what he started, leaving them both boneless and exhausted, yet content.

Yuu settles in the blankets and watches the various expressions shift over Mika's face in the residual glow before it eventually settles into neutrality. Mika turns to face him and Yuu gives in to the urge to shift closer to rest his head on his shoulder. He doesn't think he'd ever want to do that with anyone else. It was so intimate, almost too much with the way the magic merged them. Even now, he can still feel the lazy remnants of Mika's magic running over his skin warmly.

"Are you warm now?" Guess we're not going to talk about it.

"My ass hurts."

"Was that your first time? I would have thought…"

"Well, you thought wrong!" Yuu snaps. And now he's wondering, did Mika? With the way he looks, he would have been highly sought after. Is that why he was resisting because Yuu was just another warm body to him? Did it only feel good to him? Is he the only one who wanted that connection between them?

"What are you thinking about, Yuu-chan? I can practically feel how agitated you are."

"Nothing."

"Yuu-chan."

"I didn't expect it to feel like that."

A beat of silence, "What were you expecting?"

"I don't know. For it to hurt and then be over."

"Ah."

"Between guys...I've only ever heard of one of them enjoying it."

"Well, I guess they were with the wrong person. You're okay and it didn't hurt me," he responds with a smile.

Did he really say that after trying to get away from me right in the middle? Yuu frowns and turns away from him, "Nothing ever hurts you."

A thumb rubs against the nape of his neck and he squirms away in the small space, "What do you mean, Yuu-chan?"

"..."

"Yuu-chan."

Yuu flips back around to glare at him when Mika presses harder against his neck, "I meant that no matter what happens, you keep smiling. It's like you don't actually care about anything. Even after those three guys almost attacked you, you were back to smiling a second later!"

"...What good does frowning do?"

"What?"

"If I focused on the bad or let myself frown, how does that help? Growing up, did anyone care if you were upset about something?"

"No, but-"

"So, it didn't really help at all, did it? At least when you smile, people are more inclined to trust you. We do what need to in order to survive."

Yuu mulls over his words briefly, eyeing Mikaela's annoyed expression, so he was right. It is all a facade. "Does that mean you aren't happy all the time?"

"Who knows? I'm happy when I'm with you and isn't that what matters right now?"

"No." What matters is how you really feel.

Instead of responding, he reaches for Yuu, pulling him closer and kissing him again, grabbing hold and pinning his wrists down when Yuu tries to push him away. He takes the hint, Mika doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He's not going to get anything else out of Mikaela tonight, so Yuu gives in and lazily kisses him back until they both fall asleep.

~~~~~
Morning is awkward.

Yuu wakes up still nude and with a headful of blonde hair on his chest. He is warm though, so there's that. He's not sure what last night meant, if anything at all, but he doesn't want to be here when Mikaela wakes up, so he carefully shuffles from under the blankets and pulls his clothes on before going outside and limping over to the fire pit. He's sore and confused.

They've crossed a line and he really really shouldn't have given in so easily. He knows they're through after this journey and he's pretty sure if Mikaela had known how strongly he was starting to feel, he wouldn't have suggested last night. It was probably just something to pass the time for him, no wonder he pulled away when things got so unexpectedly strong.

Still, when their magic was intertwining, it gave him such a sense of belonging, like everything would be fine if they just stayed together like that. There's still a faint warmth lingering under his skin from the exchange and part of him hopes it never fades.

"Yuu-chan," a hand rests on his shoulder, pulling him from his thoughts and he flinches, unaware that the other boy had already woken up.

Mikaela hesitates, then sits a little away and starts the fire, but neither of them speak for a long while until the silence is too much for him to bear. "Um...we don't have to do that again." His statement is met with silence and Mikaela huffs. Could Yuu hear his reluctance? It's not his fault that despite whatever crazy magic shit was going on, he still really enjoyed it.

He liked feeling the strength of Yuu pushing back against him, of feeling strong, taunt muscles under his hands. Yuu's mouth hot and soft against his and even if he was slightly terrified at his magic involuntarily fusing with Yuu's, he liked how that felt too. Who could blame him?

"What are you thinking about?"

Mikaela looks up to see Yuu staring at him with narrowed eyes as if he can read his mind and he blushes, caught before he can hide it. "Nothing." Yuu turns away with identical red cheeks, not fooled for a second.

It's awkward.

"We shouldn't have done that," Yuu finally confesses.

"Why not?"

"Why? Because we're separating once we get out of this frozen place."

"I told you we didn't have to. I don't mind staying with you."

"I don't want you to not mind!" Yuu explodes, standing up and jabbing a finger in the other teen's direction. He sees Mikaela's confused look and that just makes everything worse, he's the only one stupid enough to care. "You're the worst." He was naive to think nothing would change afterwards.

As Yuu sits back down with his back towards him, Mikaela quickly flips back through his words, trying to figure out what set Yuu off and comes up empty.

The tense line of Yuu's shoulders leaves no opening for conversation and he doesn't push it, but the easy camaraderie they'd begun to share is gone.

~~~~~
Mikaela lets their awkward atmosphere go on for a few days, Yuu keeps to his side of their shelter and really, he's just too stubborn for his own good. If Yuu would just speak to him, this could all be settled, but he won't reach out. He's reverted back to his sullen, terse manner and it's starting to grate on him.

It'd be easier to deal with if they weren't stuck in a confined space with the stagnant air between them for hours on end everytime a blizzard hit. As it is, after a few days, he's done tiptoeing around. Yuu is crossing in front of him to fill his canteen and he lunges, tackling Yuu face first into the snow. Even through the snow, he can hear the hot anger of Yuu's muffled screams.

With a resigned sigh, he eases up just enough for Yuu to flip over and scream at him some more before Mikaela places a hand over his mouth to cut him off, "What's wrong with you?"

"You're sitting on me!" Yuu replies after yanking his hand away. "Am I supposed to be happy that I'm going to be soaked after this?!"

"Yuu-chan."

Yuu lifts his chin and meets his gaze unflinchingly, pressing his lips into a thin line and putting all his irritation into every inch of his body language. That's fine, though. They can do this all day, he's not the one laying in the snow.

It only takes Yuu a few minutes to come to the same conclusion and he shifts uncomfortably and shivers, giving him another dirty look. Mikaela opens his mouth to say something, but Yuu beats him to it.

"Why'd you sleep with me?!"

Mikaela sits back to where his weight rests on Yuu's thighs and thinks. Because you're cute and strong, tough and loyal and I like you and wanted to be with you. He can't say any of that. "I don't know," he looks away from Yuu's searching gaze.

"Not good enough, Mikaela."

"Well, why did you?"

"I don't know," Yuu answers sarcastically, but his red cheeks say otherwise.

"Then don't complain about me!" Yuu looks like he wants to say something, then growls something under his breath instead. "Sorry, I don't speak animal."

Yuu huffs and glares when Mikaela smiles sweetly at him. He's hyper aware of the other boy's weight resting on his thighs and the way the hand that's wiggled it's way under his layers is slowly sliding up his stomach making his breath catch. It's different now. He meets Mikaela's gaze and thinks they both left a lot of things unsaid, he doesn't know what Mika's really thinking, but that doesn't stop him from shuddering under the gentle touches. And when Mika finally stands up and pulls him back inside, he doesn't protest.

By the time the next blizzard dies down, Mika's asleep, warm and solid against him with an arm around his waist and his lower body aches again.

Yuu presses a quick kiss to his forehead and murmurs, "I'm still mad at you." Mika huffs out a laugh and Yuu winces. Or I thought he was asleep. "If you're awake, let me go so I can get the other blanket. I'm cold."

"Nope," he answers, squeezing Yuu closer to him and just when he's about to complain, warmth spreads along his torso and up his body wherever Mika touches.

Yuu shifts into the warmth Mikaela's emitting for a brief minute until realization hits him, "You could have warmed us all along!"

"I could have." Blue eyes sparkle up at him mischievously and Yuu feels himself falling all over again as his body hums with warmth and closeness. "But why waste magic when I don't have to?"

"You're so...sneaky! Heal my butt then!"

Mika wrinkles his nose, "No, I'm not touching your butt."

"You did before!"

"So?"

Yuu grabs his hand and places it firmly against him, "Heal me! I don't want to be sore again." Mikaela squeezes instead and Yuu lets out an undignified squawk before shoving him away and wrapping the blankets tight around him to the sound of the other boy's laughter. "Jerk."

"Hey, sorry, Yuu-chan," Mika forces the blanket down and looks at him with softly apologetic eyes. Yuu huffs, but opens the covers just enough to let Mika scoot in and snuggle with him.

And as they both drift off to sleep, he realizes that despite everything...he's happy.

~~~~~
After their reconciliation, they move back into an easy camaraderie, even if it's not as effortless as it had once been becoming. They talk, but they don't really talk. They don't acknowledge what they're doing or how they feel about. It's in the air, but they've become adept at moving around it. Not even during the act, do they mention anything about it. It's easier for Yuu to pretend it's not happening because that means he doesn't have to think about his feelings or wonder about Mikaela's and what will happen at the end, they just exist...together.

Although, he's started to become more suspicious of the blonde recently. Mika only says nice things and he's never met anyone who's who's capable of solely positive thinking. Mika complained about his resistance to opening up, yet he can't help thinking that Mika's the one who needs to open up and he's had enough of it being one sided. If they're going to ignore the elephant in the room and Mika wants his trust, he needs to earn it.

Yuu stomps over to where the other boy is lost in thought, idly making snow angels, and puts a foot on his torso, stilling his movements. "Mika."

"Yes, Yuu-chan?" He answers slowly.

"I want to talk to you."

"Okay, what's up?" Yuu drops onto his stomach, ignoring his grunt of discomfort and looks him in the eye. "I think you're lying to me."

"About what?"

"A lot of things!"

Mika grabs his hands to stop his fidgeting, "You'll have be more specific than that."

"I don't believe you're always happy."

"I never said I was. I said keeping a smile is more likely to get you what you need. It's self preservation."

Yuu scoffs, "So self preservation is the most important thing to you?"

"Of course. If I didn't do what needed doing, I wouldn't be here right now and then where would you be?"

The last part of the sentence comes out teasing, but the first part is what really catches his attention. He's remembering back when he found Mika surrounded by those three guys and the coldly calculating look in his eyes. It wasn't the look of someone who thought they were about to get hurt, it was the look of someone who's plotting their way out as efficiently as possible, no matter how.

Yuu leans forward until they're almost nose to nose, so he has a clear view at the way Mikaela's eyes go a little distant when he asks, "Would you have killed them if I hadn't shown up?"

Blue eyes stare at him unblinkingly, gauging his facial expression before answering with a simple, "Easily."

Yuu blinks in surprise, eyebrows furrowing with disbelief, "Really? All three?"

"I prioritize safety, Yuu-chan."

"Even if...people die?"

"Yes."

"But why?"

Mikaela squeezes his fingers, "People die all the time. I'm a survivor and if they intend to hurt me, I'll hurt them first. If killing them is the best solution then that's what I'll do." Yuu blinks again, taken aback. He's been proven right, but he didn't expect it to be put so bluntly. "Yuu-chan."

"Yeah?"

"It's only when necessary. I try to avoid trouble as much as possible, so things like that won't happen."

"Have you ever killed anyone?"

"...yes, twice. That's it."

"How?"

Mikaela studies him for a moment, then drops his eyes to the ground, "The first time was when I was thirteen, it was on one of the days where I'd had an incident at the orphanage and been kicked out for the day. I'd been wandering around town for hours and didn't realize someone was following me at first. I must have looked like such an easy target, clueless kid wandering around alone...he wasn't from our town. He didn't know that everyone avoided me. He tried to grab me, flashing his knife when I resisted and I was already really angry about being kicked out...I just lost it."

Yuu winces, imagining a powerful angry Mikaela with no control, if it was anything like he used to be, it probably ended very badly.

"I attacked, magic, fists, everything. I suppose I took out all my frustration on him, but afterwards he was dead."

"Then what?"

"I'm not proud of this, but I took his money to buy something to eat until I could go back home. Magic takes a lot of energy."

He sits back and absorbs the information, he never honestly thought Mikaela was capable of that. Maybe what happened to the second person is better left a mystery, but if one thing came out of this, it's that he was right. Mika has a hidden, colder side that he suspects he'll start to see more of now that it's out in the open.

The blonde shifts subtly and Yuu remembers he's still sitting on Mika, forcing information out of him. A question is on the tip of his tongue when he actually comprehends the guarded look on the other boy's face, the tense line of his eyebrows, the death grip on his fingers, and how taunt his body is beneath him.

And he realizes that Mika is waiting for his judgement, waiting for the second he decides to leave him, the same moment he, himself, had inevitably reached with every person he's met so far once they decide they're better off without him. He won't be the one to do that to Mika. He might doubt Mika's sincerity to the rest of the world, but Mika's never tried to hurt him.

This connection they're forming...Yuu thinks it can withstand something like this if they let it. They don't have to let this break them, he's not perfect and he won't hold Mika to higher standards. Questionable things are inevitable when you're trying to survive on your own. He'll show Mika he's trustworthy too, that he's someone who can be believed in.

Yuu relaxes his body and pries his fingers out of Mika's death grip before giving him a reassuring pat on the stomach. "Well, if it was only two people, then that's not so bad," he jokes to lighten the mood.

Mika relaxes incrementally and pushes Yuu gently off him, "I'm gonna go look for firewood."

"I'll come with you."

"It's okay, I'll be back." Yuu frowns, but stays seated on the ground as Mika walks away. They both know that's a lie, they've gathered what little firewood there is as far as the eye can see. He probably stirred up some memories that Mika never meant for him to know or better yet, wanted to be forgotten.

Mikaela doesn't even bother to pretend to look for firewood, instead he slumps to the ground behind the first mound of snow he comes to, effectively hiding himself from Yuu's sight as he pulls his knees up to his chest. No. No. No!

Yuu is starting to suspect him, but how? He's been careful, he hasn't said anything, done anything to make Yuu so suspicious. They haven't had any major issues, so why does Yuu doubt him? Has he done so much bad that it will always show through no matter what? He's not asking for much, just a friend, but maybe even that's too much for him

He could see right through the false acceptance Yuu tried to show him. His shock was written clearly on his face, maybe even some fear. Probably regretting his decision once he realized he was stuck in the middle of nowhere with a killer, but he wouldn't hurt Yuu, at least not intentionally. Yuu's the closest he's been to another person in a while and he didn't let him in on a whim. The other teen means something to him and he doesn't want to let himself be pushed away so easily. Although if that becomes what Yuu wants, he won't force his presence on the other boy, he'll accept it and return to his life before with or without his friendship.

~~~~~
His foot dips into the near freezing water and Yuu shivers, immediately yanking hit back out. He's expected to bathe in this? It's been a while, but still, he'll turn blue which is not the type of color change he wanted.

He looks to the side where Mika's stripping off his clothes without any hesitation, nude skin bared to the world, and Yuu flushes. They've been sleeping together, yes, but it's not exactly in the way he wants. He wants more than the physical, more than the attraction they skirt around acknowledging. He's seen how easily people abandon each other when there's nothing more than the physical. They haven't kissed again since that one night, even though he's been dying to. To know if Mika would accept it or if it happened only because he was caught in the moment.

The not knowing is killing him.

Mika takes a seat next to him at the edge of the lake and honestly he's not sure how his butt doesn't stick to the frozen ground. "You getting in? You have to take off your clothes first," he teases.

"Maybe," Yuu answers vaguely, letting his eyes rest on the curve of the blonde's small smile. It's now or never. He leans over and covers Mikaela's mouth with his own for a few brief seconds before pulling away. Mika blinks back at him wordless and Yuu looks down, letting him slip into the water where goosebumps break out immediately along his skin.

"Are you just going to sit there, Yuu-chan?"

"Mika, that water is freezing, you're going to die."

"Well, we smell like…" he trails off awkwardly, but Yuu gets his meaning. He sighs, they really should figure this out. "Thirty seconds, that's it."

"That's nothing!" Ignoring Mika, he peels is clothes off quickly and submerges himself immediately. It's freezing, just like he thought. He doesn't even dunk his head before he's trying to crawl back to land, his toes already feeling like they're going numb. "That's no time at all!"

"So?"

"It's better to be clean and not stink like you!" Mika taunts as he swims backwards away from him.

"It's better not to die from hypothermia!" Yuu shoots back immediately.

"Oooohh, big word!"

"Shut up!" Yuu's hauling himself out when he's struck in the head by a snowball and goes flailing back into the water. He comes back up thoroughly soaked and choking on water to glare at Mikaela, "You ass!"

He shrugs, "Sometimes my powers are unpredictable, sorry Yuu-chan!"

"Liar!" He swims over and launches himself at the other boy, circling arms around his neck and dragging him down. Mika breaks free at the same time Yuu freezes in surprise. "Wait a minute...it's warm over here!"

"Is it?"

"You're using magic to warm the water while you let me freeze!"

"Well, you could always heat the water yourself," he replies, swimming in lazy circles.

"You know I don't know how, come back!"

"Just because you don't know how doesn't mean I have to suffer too," Mika replies blithely, making no move to swim closer towards him.

"You'll feel bad if I die!

"Will I though?"

"Mika, it's too cold for jokes!"

"Was that a joke?"

"I'm getting out," Yuu responds flatly.

"Wait, wait, come here," Mika hurries back to him and takes Yuu's freezing hands in his own, passing heat into them. He sighs as a wave of lazy warmth drifts through him and into the surrounding water, creating their own little area of comfort.

"Was that so hard?" Yuu questions as his muscles slowly relax into the water and he breathes out a sigh of relief.

"Maybe," Mika replies lightly. Yuu glances up at him where he has that same small smile as before and a teasing glint in his eyes. "You keep taking all my warmth from me."

Yuu holds his gaze, flexing his fingers slightly, "But you don't really mind, do you?" He holds his breath, waiting for the other boy's response in the suddenly heavy atmosphere.

"...No, I suppose I don't."

He nods and steps closer, feeling his heart start to beat erratically, "Then you don't have anything to complain about." There's only a few inches of space between them that Yuu wants gone immediately. Mika must realize this because one moment he's on the receiving end of a sly smirk and the next second, Mika grabs his face and smashes their lips together in a messy kiss. "Mika, gross!" Yuu pushes the laughing blonde away and wipes his mouth with the back of his head, grimacing.

"Did I misunderstand? I thought you wanted to kiss me!"

"Not like that!"

"Okay, okay," he reaches for Yuu, pulling him closer by the waist before kissing him gently. Yuu exhales and tugs Mika closer to him as he deepens the kiss. There's no rush for either of them, Mika is just as content to take things slow as he is. It's not a passionate kiss, it's Mika giving him what he wants and Yuu finally getting what he's been unconsciously asking for.

Right there, in the small spot of heat of their own making, he gives up. No more hiding it, he wants this so bad, he aches. He can feel Mikaela's surprise when he lifts legs around his waist, letting the other boy support his weight, and pours all his loneliness and yearning into their kiss, but Mikaela doesn't drop him, only holds him tighter through his desperation to get his feelings across. And one thought echoes through Yuu's mind, love me.

~~~~~
They've been stuck in the glacial steppe for weeks now and Yuu's pretty sure he knows every part of Mika's body by now, physically and magically. Their magic has mixed so much that he only has to be near the other boy to sense the pull of his magic, a constant pull since he's always near. The feel of Mika's magic is almost as familiar as his own by now, intimate and a part of him. He probably should have exercised some restraint, but it's not like he could hold back forever. Letting go is so much better.

So much of their time has been spent together, he might even miss these weeks they had with only each other isolated from the world, learning each other's quirks, likes, and dislikes. It's like their own little corner of the world where nothing matters except each other. Although, maybe next time they could pick someplace warmer to get stranded in. If there's a next time.

"Ow!" Yuu gives Mika a dirty look at the sharp pinch to his side.

"You got distracted. What are you thinking about?"

Yuu shifts under the other boy's weight and frowns, "What will you do after you meet the Mages?"

"Umm...I think I'll travel and then find somewhere nice to settle with a lot of land," he answers absently, stroking his fingers along Yuu's skin.

He's silent for a minute, mulling that plan over. "That sounds good. Let's do that."

" 'Let's?' You too?" Thought you were leaving the first chance you got.

He presses his face into Mika's neck with a quiet hum, "Mhmm, why not."

"Then what? Adopt a few kids to live with us?" He jokes.

Kids that won't have to live on the streets like I did… "Yes, that too."

"Huh," Mika rolls over to the side of him and Yuu flinches when he feels him slide out. "Okay."

"Hey, wait, where are you going?"

"I feel it's a bit inappropriate to discuss adopting kids while we're doing…this."

"Okay wait," Yuu tugs him back over by the arm, "We can continue this conversation later then."

"Too late, you killed it."

"Ugh!" Mika settles down next to him and pulls the blankets up with a quiet sigh of satisfaction. Yuu allows this for a few seconds before abruptly kicking them off, "These blankets smell."

"Go wash them then."

"Fine, I will!" And Mika smiles as Yuu makes his way outside with the bundle of blankets because one, the smell never bothered Yuu before, he's just annoyed and two, he's almost positive Yuu didn't actually think about how to wash them and he's waiting for the moment Yuu realizes he got in over his head.

He lays back, resting his head on his hands and waiting for the inevitable moment Yuu calls for him. "Mika help!" Right on time. He's not disappointed to see Yuu soaked and half in the water struggling to pull up a waterlogged blanket, a laugh escapes before he can stop it. Yuu glares at him, "Help me!"

"I'm not sure what you expected to happen when you dumped a blanket in a lake…"

"Clearly, I expected it to get clean," Yuu snaps.

"No need to get mad, I'll help...fix your mistake."

"Mika…" Yuu begins warningly. "You're not the only one who can do magic here."

"Fine, fine. He gently shoves Yuu aside and begins dragging the heavy fabric out, slowly wringing it out. "You should go change before you get sick. Leave your clothes and I'll let them warm," he advises at the sight of Yuu's blue lips and shaking body.

"Alright."

Yuu drops his clothes in a soaking pile outside the entrance and dives under the one remaining dry blanket to keep his body temperature from dropping further. "Oh, so now the blankets don't smell?"

"Shut up, they're warm," Yuu mutters, perking up when Mikaela strips down too and slips under the blankets, wrapping himself around Yuu like an octopus. He sighs and snuggles in close, feeling Mika's arms tighten as another shiver passes through him. "You're so warm, it's like you're giving off heat." He pauses, '"Are you doing that warming thing again?"

"Yes, body heat warms people faster than a blanket as you well know."

"It's nice." Very very nice, so nice I might just take a nap here… His eyes pop open what feels like only a second later when he feels the other boy pulling away. "Hey, wait. Stay here. I'm still cold."

"You were almost asleep and I'm checking on your clothes."

"Of course they're not dry, come back!"

"I'm giving you a chance to calm down."

"What?" Yuu sits up and immediately feels his hardness brush against the blanket. "Oh."

"Yep."

"Well, it's your fault! I didn't want to stop. You should've kept going," he huffs out.

Mika raises an eyebrow, "So, you're saying I should just give you what you want all the time?"

"Yes?"

"Okay." Mika leans back over to kiss him and Yuu eagerly clutches him closer, happy with this turn of events. Right up until Mika places two hands on his bare chest and shoves him backwards. "Sorry, Yuu-chan, if I did that, we'd never get anywhere."

He blinks in shock at the blonde's retreating back, he really thought he'd won there. Yuu tugs the blanket over his head and rolls over, at least he gets more kisses now.

~~~~~
"Mika, come here!" Yuu gestures him over quickly, eyes focused downward.

"What is it?"

"This snow," Yuu points at the spinning swirl of snow a few inches away from him. "It moves by itself, it won't let me touch it."

Mikaela comes to stand next to him and nods, "It probably has traces of magic in it. We're getting closer to the Mages, so it makes sense we'd start to see more environmental magic. Kind of like that fruit you ate near the beginning."

"Oh," Yuu scowls, "That."

"Mhmm." He laughs as Yuu sticks out his tongue and stomps off, apparently he's still not forgiven for that. Yuu gets a few feet away from before glancing back over his shoulder, tilting his head impatiently and Mikaela realizes Yuu doesn't actually want them to be apart. The minute he reaches the other boy, Yuu slides a hand into his and tugs him along at a faster pace easier now with lighter snow and emptier bags.

Mika smiles at Yuu's eagerness, surprised when a fond warmth blooms in his chest. Oh. He takes another look at Yuu's determined expression, feels the firmness of his grip, and that's when he realizes, he may just love Yuu back. When did I let myself fall that far?

"What's with that look?" Yuu frowns, "You look like you just realized something."

"Ah, nothing...although, can I kiss you?"

Yuu stumbles to a stop, "What? Why?"

He shrugs a shoulder, "I just want to, so can I?"

A furious blush breaks out across Yuu's cheeks, "You never asked before," he mumbles. Despite not giving an answer, when he brings up a hand to cradle Yuu's cheek, Yuu presses forward to meet him halfway, fingers tightening around his own. Mika smiles against his mouth, warm and soft under his own, before pulling away and kissing Yuu on the cheek.

"Thanks."

"W-What? That's all you wanted?"

"Yeah, why, did you want to give me more?" He teases.

"No!" Yuu yells back, ignoring the blush making its way down his neck. "Let's just go! I'm tired of being cold."

The last part of their journey passes much like the first and finally the end of the steppe comes into view. Yuu shouts in joy and runs past him towards the most green they've seen in weeks.

"We survived!" Yuu shouts with glee, stepping past the last of the frost and towards the trees. He squats towards the ground, "Look, green." Mika follows after him at a more sedate pace, stepping carefully over stray branches until he reaches Yuu.

"Mhmm." Yuu looks up to meet his gaze when he feels Mika's fingers press gently against the back of his neck. Their gazes meet and he can tell from Yuu's eyes that his own thoughts are clearly displayed across his face. How much longer will I have you? "Once we get through the next city, we're there."

Yuu nods tightly and breaks eye contact, smile dimming, "Let's go."