4 Tom's POV
Oh God, they were going to find out what happened! Oh God, oh God this wasn't good! They couldn't find out! They couldn't find out! They'd find out, realise and leave! They couldn't leave me, I couldn't be alone! I couldn't be alone!
"Tom, what? What didn't you do?" Danny asked, he was holding Buzz. Buzz was quiet in his arms, he was so good with him, how was he better than me already? Why couldn't I be better? Why?!
"N-Nothing! Nothing! Nothing happened, and I didn't do anything!" I really wasn't lying, but I wasn't saying anything else about this! I wasn't! I couldn't say, couldn't disappoint more people, make them leave me too. Not after she left, I couldn't do this without her, I needed help, I needed guidance. I needed to be looked after. I couldn't do anything on my own; I couldn't be left without anyone. So they couldn't find out, not right now.
They would eventually, but not right now. Not while I was stuck here in hospital, looking even more pathetic than usual. They'd have to find out eventually, but not now. I couldn't let them leave now, especially not leave with Buzz. I couldn't be alone; I never wanted to be alone. I couldn't be alone.
"Alright, alright, calm down Tom, it's okay. We believe you." Harry reached out, his hand resting on my shoulder.
"Ah, Mr Fletcher, glad to see that you're awake. Do you mind if I run some tests?" a doctor came in.
"W-What tests?" I didn't know what tests, I'd only passed out, there was nothing wrong with that, there didn't need to be tests for that, did there? I was fine, I didn't need anything! Was it mental health tests? Oh God it couldn't be those kinds of tests, they'd think I wasn't capable of looking after Buzz and take him away! They couldn't take him away! She said they'd take him away if they tested me too much! Say I was incompetent, that I was insane and wasn't capable of parenting my son!
"Just a few run of the mill things, testing pupil reaction, memory, things like that." he spoke with a Scottish accent, and his smile was kind. I didn't... could I... but I didn't need physical medical help. It was only passing out, it wasn't that bad. I was fine, really, absolutely fine. Didn't need checkups, or anything. If there was one thing that worked for me, it was my physical health.
"It won't take a minute, then you can be back with your band mates and your son, I promise." He seemed understanding... and he knew what was best, he was a doctor. You were supposed to listen to those in charge, especially when they were an expert in something.
I nodded my consent, Danny, Harry, Dougie and Buzz being sent out the room so the doctor had room to move. They didn't go far, just outside. I could hear Buzz babbling to himself. They hadn't taken him away; oh thank God they weren't taking him away. Not right now, I couldn't, I couldn't handle him being taken away.
"Okay, I should probably introduce myself, I'm Doctor Tennant, and I've been looking after you since you arrived yesterday. Do you remember what happened?" Doctor Tennant asked, still using such a kind voice. Did I really deserve such a kind voice? My wife had given up on me, and I'd left my son crying, I hadn't looked after him. I couldn't look after him or myself, couldn't keep the house straight, couldn't do simple tasks. I failed at everything I tried to do, and I'd failed again, did that really deserve kindness in return?
"I, I passed out, in my house." I answered dutifully, letting him check the machines I was hooked up to, feeling like I wanted to curl into a ball and disappear for a while. Who even forgets to eat and sleep? I did, I was so stupid, so damn stupid.
"And do you know why?" the doctor asked, checking my pupil response by shining a light in my eyes.
"I was... I..." I couldn't say, couldn't admit to it. I'd lose everyone, including Buzz. I couldn't lose him, or anyone else. I loved them all so much, and I needed the help. I needed the assistance and everyone was so damn patient with me. I needed patience. Patience and nobody with a temper. It's why she had gone, I annoyed her too much.
"No. Not really. I don't remember." I lied, looking away the second I could.
The doctor questioned more of my actions, asking about the last few days, I lied about as much as I could, so word didn't travel back to my band mates. I didn't want them to know right now. They would find out eventually, probably after the first failure I made when we got home. But I didn't want them to know now, not while I was in this state. I was always in a state, but this was worse than usual. This was far worse. I'd rather them to not see it until later, if they hadn't already noticed.
The longer I went without anybody noticing how useless I was, the better. I didn't know how patient the boys would be with me, or if they would deem me unfit to be a father to my son. I didn't want him taken away, didn't want any of them taken away. I wouldn't survive without them.
"Are you sure you can't remember, and that there's nothing you want to talk about?" Doctor Tennant asked, giving me a concerned look. He could see it, couldn't he? Could see that I was a failure, that I needed supervision, that I wasn't cut out for life on my own.
"No, I'm sure I'm fine." I lied in a whisper, not wanting pity right now, or for him to tell my band mates the truth. I wanted to keep it from them for as long as possible. It wouldn't be easy, but I would do my best. I couldn't have them leave, I could not lose them. I couldn't lose anyone again.