Chapter 47-Days of Wine and Roses
"We're Off to See the Wizard"
As she and Amanda left the Q Bureau, Lee's black books in hand, Francine let out a little snort of disdain as she thumbed through hers.
"What, Francine," Amanda inquired as they walked down the hall together.
"Look, at this one," Francine answered as she pointed to the name in the book that had caught her attention, "Bambi Bonner. Now I ask you, who names their daughter Bambi? They might as well have named her Bimbo." She flipped another couple of pages and look at this, "Candi, Cindi," she flipped some more, "Danni, Deedee." She rolled her eyes and snapped the book shut. "I'm telling you, Lee's thing for flaky, vapid women just astounds me."
"Yeah, but when was the last time that Lee actually called any of these women?"Amanda replied wanting desperately to have faith in Lee and the looks she'd seen in his eyes when they were alone. "I mean, you heard him earlier saying it might take some time. Maybe, he meant that because he had to gather these up because he hadn't used them in a while."
Francine stopped walking, stepping in front of Amanda to halt her movement too, fixed her with her patented arched eyebrow, "Talk about flaky women," She sniped.
"Excuse me," Amanda questioned with a perturbed look. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, come on, Amanda, I know you and Lee have had this little thing going on. Now, I admit that I don't know all the details, but if you're naive enough to think for one second that you're going to get him to settle down and move to Suburbia with you, you might as well start calling yourself "Mandi" and add your name to this book."
"You know what, Francine? We have a job to do and I think we should just get this done," Amanda changed the subject and brushed past Francine, but she couldn't help thinking that maybe Francine was right. Maybe she was being naive.
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Lee let out a deep sigh as she got into his car, having hurriedly darted out of Amanda's back yard to avoid being seen by her mother. As he closed the door, he leaned his head against the steering wheel, irritated by yet another interruption of his time with Amanda. This time was different though. This wasn't a romantic moment being interrupted; it was a... Well, he didn't know what it was exactly. He only knew that he desperately needed his best friend, needed to share things with her, to get her always objective and intuitive perspective, needed to know that he wasn't going completely around the bend. "Dorothy," He whispered as he sat up and stared out onto Maplewood Drive.
He reached into his pocket for the photograph that he'd brought with him only to find it wasn't there. Right, he thought remembering that Amanda had still been holding it when he'd gone flying out of her yard again. He shook his head as he thought about how many times he'd done that. He glanced at the house and wondered what she must be thinking of him right now? Surely, she'd flipped it over by now and seen Dorothy's words to him on the back, their own private little joke and she'd have figured out in that that he'd be crazy head over heels in love with Dorothy.
Or maybe not. He'd seen the look on her face when he'd told her and Francine that he had four black books. That expression on her face in that moment showed of shock, hurt and a even little disgust. How could he blame her? He was a little disgusted with himself over the way he'd been in the past, how he'd dated so many different types of women just for the variety, just as easily as someone else might sample a little bit of everything at a buffet. He wondered if she was thinking in that moment that he'd fooled around with all of those women. He hoped not. Yes, he'd slept with more women than he probably should have, most nights he spent sleeping alone and he hadn't been with anyone but her in two years. He wondered if she knew that. He decided that he had to let her know.
As she examined the photo that Lee had left behind, Amanda sighed in frustration for what felt like the millionth time at her mother's impeccable timing. She had a feeling that Lee was finally on the brink of sharing, really sharing with her what had been bothering him all day. He'd been spooked on the street as if he'd seen a ghost, then later, she and Francine had both heard him argue with Paul Barnes about someone named Dorothy and how special she was, Paul's flip reply being, "Aren't they all." She shuddered a little at that, just as she had at finding that Lee had four black books. He'd told her a year ago that he hadn't really been with anyone except for her since their first time, but she wondered if that still held true. Were the four black books still being used or were they a thing of the past?
"Speaking of the past," Amanda said softly as she stared down again at the inscription on the back of the photo. "Oz never had it so good, Love Dorothy, "She read. She sighed again as she wondered just who Dorothy had been to him. She flipped the photo back over and saw Lee's bright smiling face in it and couldn't help wonder if he'd been in love with this Dorothy. He'd been about to tell her about her, she was sure of it, but now the moment was gone, thanks to her mother. Her thoughts were whirling. Was this the reason that Lee had become defensive two years ago when she asked him how he got the codename, Scarecrow? It would make sense, Dorothy, Scarecrow, and Paul Barnes referring to himself as The Wizard.
"Is the coast clear?" Lee whispered from behind her startling her.
"Don't do that," Amanda hissed and then took a deep breath and asked, "What are you doing? I thought you left."
"I was going to, but then I...Um..." He sighed running a hand through his hair then took her hand and led her to the gazebo in her yard. "I came here for a reason."
"Dorothy," Amanda nodded.
"More than that, Amanda," Lee answered as he sat down on the bench and pulled her to sit with him before turning toward her, taking the photo from her hands, tucking it back into his pocket, before taking both of her hands in his and continuing. "I...Um...I wanted to explain...about the books, I mean."
"Y-y-you don't have to explain. I...um...I mean, I know that you like romancing women."
"Liked, Amanda. Past tense." He looked down for a moment at their joined hands, squeezing hers affectionately, and then looked back up at her to fix her with an intent gaze. "These days, there's only one woman that I'm interest in romancing. The books, the women in them...they..."
"Lee, you don't hav-"Amanda began to protest.
"Yes, I do," Lee cut her off. I need you to know that not all of these women were women that I slept with or even women that I dated. Some, I went on one date with, some I never dated. Some are just phone numbers that women gave me that I never called. Many of them, in fact. This...job...I-I meet a lot of people, most of whom never even know who I really am because I've played so many different covers over the years. Some of the women in the books are friends...well, acquaintances really, some are contacts, some I don't even think I could put a face with a name and number. It's just that I used to have this habit of every time I'd have a new woman give me her number, I'd put it in the book with the little notes just so that if I ever met them again, I wouldn't forget what lies I told them since I can't share with anyone outside the agency who I am."
Amanda nodded. "I think I understand," she said with a warm smile. As the thought back to the past couple of years, she felt she could relate, as she'd already had to use fake identities numerous times to the point that sometimes when the cover assignments were over, it would sound strange to her to hear someone call her Amanda King again. Lee had a ten-year head start on her, so she couldn't even imagine how it must feel for him, how lonely it must have been for him over the years not being able to be truly open with whomever he was seeing. She wondered if that wasn't why most of his relationships had been short-lived.
"Thanks."
Lee beamed at her graciousness and the fact that with her, he could finally be with someone who understands. He leaned in and his lips had just barely grazed hers when they were interrupted again by Dotty West's voice calling out, "Amanda! Are you still out here?"
"Yes, Mother!' Amanda called back as she held up a finger to Lee to keep him where he was while she hurried out of the gazebo, "Just still out here practicing my Russian." She trotted toward her mother to stop her from getting any closer to the gazebo and catching Lee there.
"Russian, huh?" Dotty said skeptically as she tried to peer around Amanda, hoping to spot that mystery man that she suspected was hiding somewhere in the shadows, "And this has nothing to do with the fact that that silver car is parked down the street again?"
"What silver car?" Amanda hedged as she took her mother's arm and steered her toward the back door. "You know, it's getting awfully late. We should get inside and get ready for bed."
"It seems to me that was what you were already doing," Dotty fired back as they walked into the house together.
Lee chuckled at Dotty's statement with a shake of his head as he crept back out of the yard. He took one last glance at the house, hoping that one day; he might be able to walk in through the front door instead of lurking outside. Those thoughts plagued him all the way home.
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"Take Amanda home and then get some sleep! That's an order!' Billy bellowed.
Lee nodded in resignation, turned to Amanda, held out his hand to her, which she clasped instantly as they left Billy's office together.
Francine who had watched this interaction, said to Billy, "Don't you think he's getting too involved in this?"
"Well, what do you expect? He was part of the Oz Network very early on in his career and watched one of his teammates get gunned down right in front of him," Billy countered.
"Oh, Come on, Billy," Francine scoffed. "I think we both know by now that Dorothy was more than just a teammate to him. If you want my opinion..." Billy gave her a look, but this didn't deter her. "If you want my opinion, I think he's afraid that with the attack on Amanda today, he's scared of seeing history repeating itself."
"I don't know what you mean," Billy said evasively as he turned from her and slid behind his desk.
"Don't give me that. You know and I know that Lee's developed this unhealthy personal attachment to Amanda and she to him."
"Why is it unhealthy?" Billy fixed her with a stern look. "Did you ever think that this might just be what both of them need?"
"I...Uh..." She sighed realizing she didn't have an answer for that.
As they reached the parking garage and Lee opened the passenger door of his 'vette for Amanda, he was stopped by her hand on his arm. He glanced at her and seeing the apprehensive look her eyes, asked worriedly, "You're still shaken up, aren't you?"
"Yeah," she nodded. "I...um...I know that Billy told you to take me home, but I...I don't think I can face my mother right now. She'd now instantly that something's wrong and there's no way that I could ever explain to her why. Right now, I really need to be with someone who understands." She raised her hand to lightly caress his face, smiling a little when he took that hand and placed a tender kiss to her palm.
"I know what you mean." Lee slid his free hand to her waist, pulling her closer and kissing her the way he'd wanted to the night before, delighted when Amanda responded by snaking her arm around his neck to pull him in deeper as she opened her mouth beneath his., her tongue daring out to meet his.
"Mmm," Amanda sighed against Lee as they exploration of each other continued, the anxiety she felt at her near-death experience fading at Lee's touch, her desire to feel alive overtaking her fear and Lee made her feel more alive than she ever had been. She pulled back breathlessly and panted, "Lee...Need..." When she couldn't spit the right words out, she decided to demonstrate by running her hand up his inseam finally resting in on the bulge that had started to form in his pants.
"No, Amanda," Lee shook his head removing her hand and clasping it tightly in his. "Not like this. I won't take advantage of you in that way. Not when you're vulnerable."
"It's not taking advantage, not if it's what I want. I just need to feel..." she pressed herself against him backing him up against the side of his car, nipping at the tender skin just below his ear as she pulled her hand from his and cupped him again.
"Oh, Amanda, you're not playing fair," Lee groaned.
She pulled back slightly and said, "Well, don't they say all's fair in love and war?" She then unzipped his pants and slipped her hand inside.
"God," Lee growled at her touch and found he couldn't argue with her logic, but he couldn't help but wonder, was this love or was this war? It seemed that every time they began to get closer, they would have a fight that would distance them from each other again, just like the argument they'd have yesterday about her walking in on a murder. He decided in that moment that he just didn't care and he flipped her around, pinning her to the door of his car as he ran his hands up under her skirt, devouring her mouth as he did so, delighting in her cries of pleasure. He moaned into her mouth as she took his manhood in her hand, stroking him brazenly. With a shudder, he slid her panties aside and gently pushed into her, causing them to break their heated kiss as they both cried out. The gentleness was not to last as Amanda gripped his hips tightly.
Lee lifted her legs up onto his hips and braced her against the car, using it as leverage to drive into her, the look in her eyes telling her that she needed this every bit as much as he did. All the memories of losing Dorothy and then nearly losing Amanda today running through his mind making him want to feel for at least a moment that there was still life in both him and Amanda. Hearing her crying out his name as she tightened around him brought him to his release much faster than he ever would have thought possible. "Manda," he whispered as he trembled against her, completely spent. "I...I.."
"Shh," Amanda shushed him with a finger to his lips. "Don't." She didn't want to hear him apologizing for giving her exactly what she'd wanted in the moment. She just wanted to savor the moment.
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Once the case was wrapped up, Amanda smiled at Lee in delight at the roses he'd presented her, leaned in to kiss him tenderly and her smile only increased at seeing him beaming back at her, a blush creeping into his cheeks. What a mystery this man was. He could be so fiery and passionate, but yet a tiny little kiss could make him blush. She wondered if it had more to do with his finally confessing to her the truth about his heartbreak of the past or if it had to do with the fact that he'd just given her roses as a gift after telling her that they made him sick after what had happened to the first woman he'd ever loved. She had a feeling that she'd never figure him out completely, but she was sure going to enjoy trying.