For those who ask if it's a revision? Well, not the early parts, it will be more or less straight reupload with minor oversight and correction. But otherwise it should be identical with what you're remembering. For people who don't think it's worth to reread, feel free to skip.
Major changes probably will happen somewhere during chapter 17 and beyond. This time around I'm not going to go full retard with weird plots.
Also, I'm diagnosed with Arrhythmia and so don't be surprised if I failed to update someday. That means I'm dead as doornail. Among the reason why I decided to upload this fic again even though some people despise it, I know some of you would want it to stay up.
Enjoy.
Hachi was incapable of getting in touch with him again, at least, until both of them ended up in the Renaissance gym facilities three days later.
Before that, Hachiman would purposely avoid Hachi whenever he had the chance.
It seems that Hachiman still determined to simply continue his routine as it was before despite all that's happening. When Hachi found him, he was running at moderate speed on the top of the treadmill.
He finished and turned it off, his body and clothes drenched from sweat. And yet, his face doesn't look at all affected by exhaustion.
He looked absolutely tired and empty.
When he kept ignoring her, she grabbed his arm tight.
He pushed her hand aside.
"What the heck? What do you mean your existence had no purpose?" She asked.
"All this time, I've been thinking... no, I was secretly hoping that maybe my arrival here had a reason. If that was what happened, it wouldn't be as painful to accept that the world that I've known ceased to be."
"But that was just me deluding myself." Hachiman scoffed, "The grand scenario of a loser being summoned to another world to do something, it only belongs to the realm of otaku power fantasy."
"Then what are you going to do?"
"Living my life like nothing happened." Hachiman shrugged, "Human beings only stopped existing once they consider their lives not worth it, and I valued my life after all."
Hachi would love to rebuke his point if she could.
But she could not.
Because at the end of the day, it's not as if Hachiman was in the wrong. Circumstances forced him into this hopeless situation and there's nothing they can do but to adapt to it.
And in case of Hachiman, once again he will have to endure it alone. Because Hachi could not do anything.
So she decided to call the person she always relies the most upon.
"One year of isolation would've driven anyone else mad or depressed but Hikigaya didn't have that." Hiratsuka told Hachi, "I could even say, his mental fortitude is even stronger than yours."
"Hikigaya seems to be driven to do even more productive things. He studied more, he worked his body to the bone, and he didn't purposely antagonize his classmates and even sometimes helped them. Even psychological examination reveals that he was perfectly sane and rational. He's going through a similar phase as you did after your corrective surgery, but even so..."
"Even so, hearts and mind aren't the same." Hiratsuka looked sad when she said that, "There's no doubt that Hikigaya can grow to be a functional adult, however... if he were to close his heart against everyone, then there's no hope for him to live a fulfilling life like you did."
"Unfortunately, I failed to reach through him. I believe the only one who can reach him would be you who understand him the most."
Even though Hiratsuka was the first person to reach to Hachi, she couldn't do anything about Hachiman. Hachi wonder, if she could really do it.
"I honestly don't know, Sensei." Hachi said gloomily and shook her head, "I thought I was the one understood him the most, but I cannot say that was true."
Hachi and Hachiman both changed as individuals within the same timeframe. While Hachi had to struggle with embracing her new gender identity and discarding fifteen years of her life, Hachi also have massive financial and emotional support from everyone. From the foundation, her family, her doctors, her teachers and her friends.
Hachiman had to go through that period alone, with neglectful family and no friends so to speak, and the school could not care less. Hiratsuka only found his existence one year into high school, and by that point, Hachiman already changed for the worse.
And most of all, the only place he would hold value at school, that is, the Service Club, ceased to be, indirectly because of Hachi's reckless intervention.
She always thought that changes aren't bad at all. People moved on with their lives, and things can only get better from there.
She was naive.
She never thought how it was like from the point of view of people who were left behind.
"I wonder how much Hachiman valued his bond with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama-senpai both. He was absolutely devastated when he finally saw the reality of Service Club was no longer active."
Hiratsuka grunted a bit, "I've told him before, but it seems that he desperately denied it until he could see the reality with his own eyes. All this time, he hoped that I was wrong."
During the course of the last days of the vacation, Hachi managed to obtain the photo when she asked Hachiman about it. It was the photo of the service club members, taken on Hachiman's phone by Hiratsuka-sensei. The other Hiratsuka-sensei, that is.
"Perhaps they're the keys needed to open his heart once again." Hiratsuka nodded "Even so, Yuigahama is one thing, but Yukinoshita is another issue entirely. She's basically in her own world now."
"True."
Even though they were nominally friends, it seems that it would be hard for Hachi to actually do anything with Yukino together at the moment, let alone playing twisted matchmaker.
She doesn't want to repeat her mistake, forcing Hachiman to stick around in firework festival. When the festival ended, Hachiman came back home, sour and disappointed.
"In any case, if we're to assume that alternative universe is a thing..." Hiratsuka hummed, "Then I'll have even harder time to convince him. Because he experienced that pleasure and comfort of being connected to the people in the Service Club, only to be robbed away from it."
"No matter how strong your mental strength is, that's going to leave emotional trauma. The other me coerced him into joining, I can't simply use the same method again and expected it to work for the second time. It could easily backfire."
"What should we do then?" Hachi asked desperately, "I really want to help him."
"For now, just stay beside him as much as you could." Hiratsuka said, "Perhaps, we'll see a good chance to do something in the meantime."
However, even as Hachi decided to wait and observe, almost two weeks have passed since the beginning of the semester. And Hachiman isn't getting any better.
Lacked passion to do anything, Hachiman only becomes a functional person through sheer inertia. He went to school, went home, did his chores, study, and went to the gym at evening, then took a bath and sleep.
Repeat ad nauseam. It was his endless cycle of boring, bland routine.
No matter how much Hachi tried to change his routine, he refused to budge. Even though they spent time together, he only grew increasingly distant from her.
One time, he actually kicked her out of his room, violently. That was when Hachi pretty much on the brink of giving up.
And just like that, it was Saturday, 12th of August.
Nothing had changed.
...
Hachiman sorted his textbook and put them neatly inside his bag. In Saturday, Soubu have half-a-day class, which ended in the afternoon before lunchtime.
Afterwards, those with clubs would begin doing their club activities for the rest of the day.
However before he could go, he was caught by a grinning Hayato.
Hachiman, as usual, would go ahead and go home as fast as he could.
"Hikigaya, you're going somewhere?" Hayato asked with a smile.
"Not really, I'd probably just go home ahead of my sister Komachi."
It was Kawasaki who actually destroyed his excuse, "They have cram school, don't they? Komachi and Taishi probably won't return until evening."
"Shoot," Hachiman grunted, realizing Kawasaki just shot down his argument of disappearing from the crowd again. Instead, he simply asked her. "What about you Kawasaki?"
"Part-time work," Saki said.
He remembered solving Saki's rebellion back then by dealing with the problem at hand instead of herself. "You work often?"
"Not as often anymore, the money from modeling is pretty high despite rare job offer." Saki said, "Partly thanks to your sister too."
"I see." Hachiman grinned wickedly, "You know, there's another way of getting money, or rather, not spending money for your tuition."
Saki jolted a bit from the sudden change of atmosphere, "Huh?"
Hachiman took a deep breath to calm himself and returned his expression to non-creepy form. "Do you know about scholarship?"
"Scrap?" Yui perked up and joined.
"Scholarship." Hachiman said, "Many Prep-School these days actually offer scholarships to exceptional student, so you don't have to pay tuition fee, which could reach as high as one million yen a year."
Of course, in case of Hachiman, he was going to pocket the money his parents gave him. At least, that was the original plan anyway.
"It is possible?"
"It is possible if you try hard, to be honest, it might not be worth the effort. I mean you'd probably unable to do any job as you'd be studying hard, not only for entrance exam but also the scholarship too."
Saki was actually thoughtful as she heard Hachiman's explanation.
"It's impossible for me." Tobe shrugged, so does Ooka and Yamato. "Me too."
"I still don't know which college I will go." Yui also agreed, "Scholarship probably only given to students who aim high anyway."
"Not interested," Yumiko said, fully committed to actually win a championship rather than going to college.
Hayama didn't say anything, but not like he would need Scholarship with how rich his family was.
"Well, here's the cursory list of the Prep school that offers a scholarship." Hachiman gave the list out to Saki as he picked it out from his bag, "Do your own research and see which one fit you the most. And if it's too difficult, you can always go back to tried and true method of working."
Saki blinked, she was really surprised that Hachiman would go so far just from a little small talk.
"I'll keep that in mind," Saki said hesitantly as she averted her eyes, blushing slightly. "And... thank you."
"We're both from a middle-class family and have many siblings, so I would know how you feel." Hachiman coldly stated.
Hachiman really did, doesn't mean those feelings were equals in value and weight, but he really got it deep down. After practically getting adopted into Hachi's family, he couldn't be as ungrateful or as wasteful as he was before.
Because in this strange and alien world, his family was the only source of his salvation.
Besides, this happened way back then, with the Kawasaki he knew. He lost nothing by doing the same thing all over again.
"Hikitani, you're awesome!" Tobe hugged him and egged him with his fist, "You're too nice!"
"My name is not Hikitani, by any chance how much you scored on Kanji reading, Tobe?" Hachiman smiled, but clearly super irritated as he pushed Tobe's chin with his palm.
Tobe whined in response, "But it's so hard to remember, your name is hard to remember!"
"Just call me Hikki or Hikio." Hachiman snorted, those names were all found by the original Yui and Yumiko respectively. "Those were how my old classmates called me."
Well, Hachiman actually had plenty of nicknames, about 90% of them incredibly unappealing and insulting, but that's life for him.
At the very least, now he actually had a choice to be called that.
"Hikio huh." Yumiko nodded in approval, "Alright, I'll call you Hikio from now. Hikio."
"Funny. Even though you called my sister's name normally. But thanks anyway, Miura." Hachiman sarcastically told her.
Yumiko ignored his passive-aggressive protest and went to play with her phone.
"So, what do you need, Hayama?"
"Well, I was about to ask if you have any plans tomorrow."
"No, probably." Hachiman concisely replied.
"Ahh, I'm just wondering if you can play in a band or something."
"No, I can't, unfortunately," Hachiman said straightforwardly before he picked up all his things.
Hachiman never think badly of his voice, he would rate his singing six or seven out of ten, but not like he ever actually sing a solo in public or anything. Let alone in a Band.
In music? He's decent, he can play probably anything that typical edgy junior high school student can play. Bass especially, because in the past, Hachiman thinks bassist are cool.
They're neither as underexposed as a drummer, but not overexposed as a guitarist. Bass had this sense of subtle importance, in that a band music could still play without bass, but it would be hollow and empty.
Hachiman doesn't really care much now, but that small sentiment and memories still persist deep inside.
"Well the thing is Yamato and Ooka has clubs to take care off, and today I just happen to be taking a break myself. So we're going to rent a studio and all." Tobe said, "We're super short of personnel you see. Someone who can play Bass or chord guitar would be nice."
"Oh I see, you need a substitute." Hachiman muttered, "I've never been in a live stage before, and probably too clumsy for that. Though if you insist, I might just be able to fill in for a bass in rehearsal."
"Well rather than a substitute..." Hayato wrinkled his eyebrows, clearly frustrated. "We'd just like to hang with you."
Hachiman blinked.
"Well, it's been two weeks since you came and you just keep disappearing after school. You didn't join any club right?" Tobe said frankly.
"Tobe, don't be rude," Yui warned.
"If that's your question, I just go home and study or read something." Hachiman cryptically explained, "So don't worry about me."
"That's not the point damn it." Tobe pulled his own hair in frustration.
"Well if you want to hang out with me feel free to come to Renaissance Gym at seven," Hachi told him off coldly, "Maybe you can try to convince me later."
And with that, Hachiman left with half-assed goodbye.
"What's with that cocky attitude? Tch." Ooka commented, "And Hayato was being nice too."
"That's true." Yamato agreed, "Hikitani was way too distant."
"Well, he's not wrong." Yumiko said, "He, just like his sister, went to Gym every other day to train. I also went there because it has tennis court free to use. I feel like we're hitting a hard limit though."
"Hard limit?"
"We're too accustomed to each other style." Yumiko said, "At the end of the day, it's impossible to gauge how far we had gone since we rarely met any other competitive opponent at the gym."
"It's not like team play like basketball or soccer, in Tennis, the more you get familiar with someone, the less effective the training match would be. So occasionally we rope Hikio into playing the aggressor. Because he had perfect basic, and well, he's a boy. He ought to be stronger than average girls..."
"Why you haven't joined other club then?" Hayato asked, "I'm very sure there's a good club out there with strong players that would help you grow."
Saika only grew better every day since he joined Ardor Tennis Club alongside Chika. In fact, he was so confident that Chika will be a threat to Yumiko with her rate of development.
"Even if we say that it's not like SRE is a bad club." Yumiko shook her head, "The lesson is cheap, training is comprehensive and our mentor isn't bad by any stretch. They're full of experts and professional. It's just that I and Hikigaya really need to fight opponents of our age that actually gives some challenge."
"Road to being a pro is terrifying." Tobe shrugged, "But Hikitani doesn't sound like a bad person at all. He always helped us whenever he had the chance, so I wonder if he's just that bad with people."
"What is it? Being a Pro?" Saika joined in the conversation, and as expected, the conversation derailed even more than before.
Yui was the one who feels worried the most, so she decided to slip out of the constantly chattering sports maniacs.
She felt bad for stalking Hachiman, but ever since that weird situation in his first day at school, Hachiman had been acting strangely.
Hachiman seemingly turned cold and distant since the strange incident in the former service club room. Because of this, Hachiman became somewhat estranged, but it's not like he was being hated or anything.
Aside from people who think he was too reclusive, or creepy because his know-all attitude and weird facial expression, most of the class have been accepting him as part of the group. A bit odd, and oddly handsome to boot. Yui heard he was actually popular with some of the freshmen.
As displayed by his strained interaction with Tobe and others, it seems that Hachiman avoided getting too friendly, as if he was purposely keeping everyone, including herself, at a certain distance.
Yui wondered, did Hachiman get hurt at some point before he came to Soubu? Getting hurt bad enough that he doesn't want to get close to anyone again?
やはり, 俺の関係の値はリセットされました
As Expected, My Relationship Values had been Reset
Disclaimer:
Original Story by Watari Wataru
Chapter 6 - Rejection
Yui followed Hachiman thorough the school building without being noticed, and he ended up near the stairs that lead to the bike parking area and the main sports field.
He sat there with a nostalgic look on his face as if he knew the place for years.
He was like that for almost ten minutes until a voice called out.
The girl, who looked like a freshman judging from her height and the way she called Hachiman, introduced herself.
Hachiman most definitely don't care all that much, judging from his unchanging expression. The freshman girl sat beside him and tried to strike a conversation with him, which he barely reply at all. He was clearly disinterested but the girl refused to take a hint.
"Umm, please go out with me!" She bowed.
Hachiman and Yui both froze.
But Hachiman regained his neutral and bored expression quickly.
"Just to clarify, what do you mean by going out?" Hachiman asked.
After all, Hachiman misunderstood once when Yukino asked him out too.
"Ummm, why should I explain it? Ah, I mean... dating." The poor, naive and innocent freshman steaming out from embarrassment. "I'm interested in you ever since I saw you play tennis during the Joint group exercise."
"..." Hachiman was utterly speechless.
For the first time in his entire life, he might ultimately understand what the girls feel when he suddenly confessed to them without prompt.
When someone you absolutely not know suddenly confessed to you, you simply unable to respond properly. Or politely for that matter.
"...To be honest, I'm really happy that someone confessed to me like this. In fact, you're the first person to confess to me in my entire seventeen years of life."
The girl looked optimistic and proud when he finally says that, while Yui... Yui doesn't know, perhaps she was happy for him, but maybe part of her actually feel somewhat jealous?
Yui couldn't say she was heartbroken or anything. She did feel somewhat envious, though, not being the first girl to confess to him...
"...But I can't accept it, sorry."
The girl's expressions turned immediately into a shock.
And then she ran away, crying.
Yui was agape the whole time when he saw the situation unfolded. It doesn't surprise her in the slightest, and yet she still felt weirded out by the abrupt change of atmosphere.
"...You can come out now, Yuigahama."
Yui got startled for a bit, but when she finally realized it's impossible to hide, then she walked out of her place and approached him and clapped her hands loud apologetically.
"Sorry, I just saw the girl talking to you and get... curious. I fully intend to eavesdrop, please don't hate me."
Wow, the old Yuigahama wouldn't say that with a straight face like that. Then again, Hachiman actually liked that kind of person.
"What are you saying, if the outcast suddenly gets confessed to everyone would be curious." Hachiman snorted, hint of disdain in his voice.
Yui was confused.
Maybe this is one of these few moments where Hachiman would openly show his emotion.
"Yuigahama have been confessed before right?"
"Umm, how do you know?"
"It's just common sense, you're cheerful, friendly, outgoing, and most of all beautiful." Hachiman sat on the stairs, "It would be weirder if no one asks you out."
"Well, it happens..." Yui nodded and sit beside him, "Someone you don't know at all suddenly confessed."
"Do you think badly of them when that happens?"
"No. It can be a little embarrassing, and sometimes, the person who confessed to you might be annoyingly overconfident and persistent as well but..." Yui smiled, "They tried hard to confess their feelings and there's no way I could think badly of that."
Hachiman scoffed.
"You're too kind, Yuigahama." Hachiman said, "I do think badly of that kind of people. I really hate them, in fact, just like how I hate myself in the past for doing the exact same thing as them."
Yui closed her mouth before she asked him simply.
"Why?"
"We want to commit relationship with someone we saw once, not knowing the other person's personality or character, and when we get hurt, we would blame the other person for our failings," Hachiman said with a grim expression, "She probably thinks, that new Senpai with glasses look nice, and I want to go out with him, or something like that. Despicable."
Now, as someone who was confessed to, Hachiman finally understood what it means, and how it feels to be confessed by someone you don't know much, if at all.
It felt shallow and disgusting.
If this was how his old love interests felt when he confessed, he... couldn't really blame them at all for being weirded out. That doesn't justify the bullying, perhaps, but in terms of personal falling out, he wouldn't blame them.
He was expecting for her to get shocked, or get mad at him.
"This is the kind of person I am, Yuigahama." Hachiman looked at her, "Someone who took the worst interpretation of people's actions, even that of my own."
Someone who hates the veil of deception that surrounded this cruel and unjust world.
He had been pretending to be friendly in his first day of school. And for every second he was like that, he only feels more and more disillusioned with himself.
He was like that because he was trying to understand what it feels to be in Yukino's position. And yet, he only grew increasingly disappointed with himself.
The biggest liar of all was none other than Hikigaya Hachiman himself. So he decided to simply act like he always act.
It's best to simply be honest, and show her his true self to her before she gets deluded about him or anything. If he's doing this, maybe she could get over him.
Instead, a bright smile plastered on her. She was utterly relieved and happy.
"Ahahaha, I didn't know you're that annoyed, Hikki." Yui laughed sheepishly, "But... maybe what you're saying is true."
Hachiman blinked. How could Yui laugh happily like that?
"I wouldn't want to date someone just because they're smart, look nice, or something else like that. I'd want to get close to them and know them better... and then, when I am sure whether I made the right choice, then I would confess." Yui said, "Something like that I guess, I think you're exaggerating it, but I can somewhat see where you're coming from."
"You are a much better person than me," Hachiman said frankly, "Yuigahama."
You deserve someone better.
"That's not true at all." Yui shook her head, "Hikki might not be as nice and friendly as you look, but... you're still a kind person."
"If it was supposed to be a comforting lie, then stop."
"It's not a lie." Yui shouted, "Even back in the class, you would thoughtlessly help SakiSaki like it's the most natural thing to do. Anyone else would have thought it's not their business... but you helped her. You also didn't refuse Hayato immediately."
"And I'm glad, I can finally see a glimpse of the real you, Hikki. Because just like everyone else in the class, I want to know you better."
Hachiman blushed madly when he saw her beautiful, earnest smile. Even so, he could only look back at her lovely face with pained expression drawn on his face.
Yuigahama still had it... the persistence and mental fortitude to stand against anything that stands in her path. Perhaps, while they behave differently, they don't change that much inside.
And Hachiman truly appreciated that. But even so...
Hachiman needed more time to think, he still couldn't accept everything at face value.
"...That's why I know Hikki might be uncomfortable with how you look at yourself and everyone around you. But we'll be always here." Yui told him, "Today at 5 P.M., we're going to rehearse at Hexa Studio near Chiba Station. So please, if you change your mind, I'd be really happy if you came."
Hachiman squirmed for a moment, seemingly having conflicted thoughts on her offer.
But in the end, he didn't say anything and decided to leave her.
"I wonder, why he always looked sad when we're being together," Yui mumbled as she watched his back disappear on the dusty horizon of the sports field. "Maybe Hikki hates me or something."
"There's no way that's true right?"
Yui looked aside to find Hachi standing there, her expression was stone cold just like her own brother.
"Hachiman... he only looked sad to you because you're the only person he trusts enough, that he would show his real self." Hachi said, "It's only you, Yuigahama-senpai."
Yui faced Hachi with unbridled curiosity, "Me? Why is that?"
"Because you're similar to the person he holds dear, but they're separated by unavoidable circumstances. In a sense, he wanted to try to regain what he lost." Hachi closed her eyes, "And yet... he would consider two of you as completely different, and stemming from that rationale was a sense of guilt. His rationale would blame him for projecting his old relationship with you, and that's why he always feel sad."
"I'm very sure deep down, he feels that similarity and grow to be fond of you as well." Hachi smiled widely, "Plus, Yuigahama-senpai is really persistent. Even if everyone else decided to give up on him, surely you wouldn't."
"Ah, that..." Yui blushed a bit and scratched her chin, she felty flattered by Hachi's words. "I wonder if that's your impression of me, Hacchan."
"You're not the only one." Hachi felt the strong wind of the sea as she twirled the hair around her ears, the strong breeze of the late summer washed upon her and Yuigahama both. "There's another person that Hachiman could probably connect with."
"Who is that?"
"Yukinoshita-senpai."
Yui's eyes widened in shock.
"Yukinon? Why her?" Yui asked.
In all honesty, Yui wanted to ask if it was related to the Service Club. But Yui felt like she's prodding too much as it is.
If it was related to Service Club, then it makes sense that Hachiman reacted strongly to Yui and Yukino.
But what was the real connection?
"I can't tell you the reason." Hachi muttered, "It's not within my right to say it. The situation is extremely complicated and volatile. I think Hachiman had a wrong impression about her, as well. But... perhaps if they can actually meet properly, he would understand. And both of you can make him open up properly."
Just because they behave differently, doesn't mean their core personality isn't all that different. Hachi was sure about it, as well.
Perhaps, she desperately prayed that it was indeed the case. Hachi... could only do this far.
She couldn't brazenly tell Yui that Hachiman was once connected closely with another Yui and Yukino. Yui and Yukino from another time and place that the current Yui resided.
Because Hachi knew, the last thing Hachiman wanted would be a relationship built on a sense of pity.
"I understand." Yui nodded, "I won't do anything rash, but if there's any chance, I do want to introduce him to Yukinon as well. Because ever since our meeting at the firework festival I always have the feeling that they would hit well."
Yui always thought they have this similar vibe as well. She just don't have the time to do so, with how elusive Hachiman could be.
"I'm sorry to put this unreasonable request, but Yuigahama-senpai..." Hachi grits her teeth and bowed, "I don't want him to go through his second year like this."
Yui sadly smiled, "Hikki told me he spent his first years being alone as well. I wouldn't want him to go through that myself."
Hachiman didn't come to the Studio in the end.