It Sucks To Be Us

About This Story: Brittany is not happy when the endangered suck toad is stuck to her face, and Alvin is not much happier about "babysitting" her. How can such a double-negative experience turn positive for anyone? Age-wise they are 11. I don't own any part of the Chipmunk franchise, just borrowing them from Nickelodeon, Janice Karman, & Ross Bagdasarian, their family, & their company.

About This Chapter: Rated PG-13 (T), for language, drug references, bodily functions, and adolescent issues such as menstruation and bra-stuffing; as well as mild romantic moments.

Pairings: Alvin/Brittany

3. When The Smoke Clears

An hour and a half after talking to Brittany on the phone, Alvin rapped on the door of the Treehouse to announce himself. "Special delivery..." He opened the door with one hand and peeked inside, as he balanced a box containing some trays and a pitcher of water in his other hand with the skill of a professional "Maître-D".

He could hear Brittany singing and playing a few chords on her acoustic guitar. "I'm fallin' over...over and then under. I can't help but wonder: Did my dreams come true? I'm stuck to you like glue..."

Alvin smiled at her. "It looks like you're feeling better."

Brittany looked up at him from her spot on the couch in the living area. "Oh, Alvin, I almost didn't see you there. Did you change into camo?"

"I did!" Alvin set down the box of food he brought in to turn around as if modeling his clothes for her, including a camouflaged baseball cap. "I found some of my paintball threads that didn't have too many bright-colored paint splotches on them. And I also found some old camping gear that still fits—some of it may be Simon's."

"Nice!" Brittany chuckled. "So I didn't hear you come in. How long have you been there?"

"It's OK, I just got here." Alvin smiled. "I brought you some dinner." He motioned to the box he set aside, and said with a posh accent, "Our special tonight is chickpea spaghetti using vegan cheese—just in case dairy still isn't agreeing with you—with a side of green beans, and some fruit salad. Oh, and for dessert, there's some special cookies I made for you that I need to finish baking in the oven. But there's time for that while we eat."

"Really? You're letting me have cookies?" Brittany's eyes widened.

Alvin chuckled. "Sure! I'm trying out a special recipe that Ms Miller gave me for 'diabetic-friendly chocolate chip cookies'. They're sweetened with a little stevia and a lot of honey and cinnamon, instead of sugar."

"That sounds really good!" Brittany started to smile. "Especially compared to all the—pardon my French—crap that you've made me eat these other past few days. No offense."

Alvin chuckled as he took the box of food into the kitchen. "Sorry about all that. Oh, and Dave isn't here right now, it's just you and me, so if you wanna call it by its actual French Provençal terminology—shit—that's OK with me. I won't tell Dave—or Ms Miller—that you used harsher language, if it makes you feel better under your circumstances."

Brittany laughed as she tuned her guitar. "I wouldn't be opposed to using such language under the circumstances, but it's just that I don't know if Eve is old enough to hear all that. Plus, I'm trying to keep calm, positive vibes around me."

"Good for you!" Alvin smiled as he placed the pitcher of water in the fridge, and a cookie sheet in the oven, turning the knob to four hundred fifty degrees. "Sorry if my negative language offended you—or Eve—in any way."

"Oh, you didn't. It actually made me smile." Brittany giggled again as she tuned her guitar. "But I won't tell Dave or Ms Miller, if that's what worries you."

"Thanks, Britt!" Alvin paused at the kitchen table when he realized Brittany was still in the living room. "Well, dinner is ready whenever you are."

He heard her setting down the guitar so she could come into the kitchen. "Oh, sorry about that. I thought you were still heating it up. Plus, I kinda lost myself in a song for a moment there."

Alvin motioned to an empty chair with food set up across from his plate. He even pulled the chair out for her as though he were taking her on a dinner-date to a fancy restaurant. "What kind of a song?" Once Brittany was seated, and she beamed a quick "thank you" to him, he sat down across from her. But he popped up again and gasped, "Oh, I forgot forks." As he went to get some forks in one of the kitchen drawers, he said, "Sorry, you were about to tell me about the song you were playing earlier."

"Oh, yeah, just a song I'm working on..." Brittany shrugged with a smile as Alvin returned to his seat with forks. "Dave told me that sometimes writing a song about an experience, no matter how painful it may be, is one way that helps him cope. And I've even noticed Eve sometimes makes a pleasant purring sound when I play soft music for her, or sing softly to her in the bathtub or the shower..."

"Oh! I almost forgot our water..." Alvin jumped up to retrieve something from the fridge—a clear pitcher of water and ice, with some floating slices of citrus fruits in it. He poured two glasses on the kitchen island, then brought them over to the table. "Here you go." As he sat back down, he held up his glass to Brittany's. "Well, here's to your health—and to Eve's health."

"Cheers!" Brittany giggled as she clinked her glass to Alvin's.

"Sorry about that." Alvin chuckled nervously. "You said something about a bath and a shower, and that reminded me of the water... I'm rambling again, feel free to stop me. Oh, did you finish the story about your song?"

Brittany sipped from her glass of water and chewed a few bites of the chickpea spaghetti. "Yeah, writing music and song lyrics is one way that helps me cope with tough times—Dave taught me."

Alvin nodded. "I've noticed it helps me too. Dave sure is chock-full of all kinds of wisdom when I least expect it." He noticed that she seemed to want to wipe some crumbs from her face. He chuckled as he stood up again, "And I forgot napkins."

Brittany pointed him in the direction of the extra napkins. When he returned with napkins, she continued, "Dave sure is full of fatherly wisdom. He's been the best dad I could have ever asked for!" Brittany heard Alvin agree, as she took a few more bites of the chickpea spaghetti. She also wanted him to enjoy a few bites before he got up because he forgot something else. "You did a great job with the chickpea spaghetti! It's a lot like the one Eleanor makes. Did you get a hold of Eleanor for the recipe?"

Alvin shook his head and swallowed his bite of food. "Nope. But we called Ms Miller—the next best person in line. She had Eleanor's recipe for the spaghetti, and the cookies." His eyes went wide. "The cookies! I'd better check on them..."

Brittany couldn't help but giggle at his forgetfulness. "Don't forget pot-holders for the cookie sheet, Ms Miller!"

"Right!" Alvin changed his direction as he headed to the oven, so that he could get some oven mitts and pot-holders from another drawer. He chuckled, "And when did I turn into Ms Miller?" He added as an impersonation of an older, scatterbrained lady with a Southern accent, "Good gracious me!"

Brittany giggled, "Sorry, I couldn't resist messing with you. I just feel like I'm joining Ms Miller for one of her family dinners. She's always up and down, forgetting one more thing. By the time she finally sits down to eat her own food, it has already cooled off. Poor thing! But such a sweet lady! She really tries to be a good hostess and make sure every one of her guests has a great dining experience."

Once Alvin had an apron and oven mitts in place, he smiled. "Yeah, I like having her and Ms Croner nearby. They're like instant grandmas," Brittany joined him to say, "Just add water!" And they shared a laugh. He headed back over to the oven. "Uh-oh..."

"What is it?" Brittany looked up at him.

He opened the oven in a fit of urgency. "Oh no...not cool..." He set the cookie sheet, still smoking hot, on the pot-holder he had set on the kitchen island counter.

Brittany got up to see what was wrong. "What happened?" She also opened a window to let out the excess smoke. "Did you turn off the oven?"

Alvin was still fanning the smoke away when he turned off the oven. When the smoke cleared, he cringed as he assessed the damage. "I hope these cookies taste OK when they are a little on the 'extra crispy' side."

Brittany joined him with a metal spatula. "Well, this one doesn't look too badly burnt." She scraped it up with the spatula, only to see that it was still very blackened on the bottom.

"I guess you can have that one." Alvin shrugged, "I'll just take..." He inspected the remaining dark brown and black lumps. "...the rest of this entire pan and throw it out. Just tell me how that one tastes. Dave and I had some extra cookie batter leftover in our fridge, so I'll just try some of that later."

"Wait." Brittany broke the least-burnt cookie she had chosen in half. "You went through the trouble to make these cookies, so it's only fair that you get to try one."

"OK." He accepted the half of the cookie. "Thanks, Britt."

They both took a bite and chewed a few times. The chewing slowed as they stared wide-eyed at each other.

Alvin started shaking his head. He mumbled, "I just can't swallow it!"

Brittany mumbled back in response, "Me neither!" She motioned to the kitchen sink, where they simultaneously spit out their mouthfuls of burnt cookie.

"BLAAAAGH!"

They turned on the sink and started washing their mouths. Eventually they made it back to the table to drink a few gulps of fruit-infused water. Soon, they set their glasses down together and glanced over at each other. Somehow, this simultaneous feeling of relief made them start giggling, which soon turned into full-contact laughter.

When they calmed down a bit, Alvin asked her, "Was that burnt cookie as bad for you as it was for me?"

Brittany admitted, "My thoughts exactly! I was trying to eat it because you went through all that trouble to make the cookies. I think once I got past the taste of charcoal, the cookies wouldn't be that bad. Does the cookie dough have raw eggs in it?"

Alvin sighed, "Yes, it does. But I tasted some batter earlier anyways, and, like you said, they weren't bad." He sighed again and started slapping his forehead. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I should have let the oven preheat and I forgot to set the timer for eight-to-ten minutes. Rookie mistake."

"Cookie Rookie." Brittany giggled. "Sorry, I had to get that out of my system." In a baby voice, she asked, "Aww, did I hurt your 'feewings'?"

Alvin laughed. "Since when do you not want to hurt my feelings?"

"Well," Brittany said quietly as if thinking to herself for a moment, "If it were just me, I wouldn't mind eating raw cookie dough, but I don't know if it would be good for Eve." She blinked before answering his question, "But I guess if you're going through the trouble of wearing camo, cooking dinner, and basically making an effort for me—and for Eve, I guess we just got off on the wrong foot. I mean, if I'm gonna make this work and help Eve get better, I guess I should send out more positive vibes and stuff. You know, 'karma', and what goes around comes around, stuff like that." She turned to her plate to finish the rest of her dinner. "And besides, I think you've done such a great job with this chickpea spaghetti, that who needs dessert?"

Alvin chuckled. "Even the green beans taste great after the 'charcoal-chip cookie'." They shared another friendly laugh. Alvin changed to a more serious tone with his next question. "It's just that... I know you were mad at me earlier today—and you had every right, rhyme, and reason to be—but now you seem...happier, or more at ease, I guess. I can usually tell when you're faking being happy, or just putting on a brave face for Theodore or someone else. But this time it looks more...real. Of course, I could still be wrong. I've known you since Kindergarten, and sometimes you can still fool me with a 'poker face'. By the way, I realized right before we last talked on the phone, that I owe you a major apology for the time I thought you were a body-snatcher when you were sincerely trying to be nicer to me. I was an idiot to listen to Kevin's urban legends, and I am really sorry that I ended up hurting you because of that."

"Awww!" Brittany smiled at him. "Apology accepted. You've redeemed yourself with this chickpea spaghetti."

"Thanks!" Alvin chuckled. "But seriously, did you have an extremely refreshing nap or something earlier? It's like you are more upbeat and positive now. What's up with that?"

"Well," Brittany chuckled. "And you're probably gonna think this is crazy... But when you dropped me off here, and I slammed the door in your face—sorry about that, by the way."

Alvin shrugged. "We're cool now. I probably deserved it." He chuckled.

Brittany briefly chuckled with him before continuing her story. "Anyways, at first I cried myself to sleep, with an old towel as my pillow on the couch. I think I took maybe a twenty- or thirty-minute nap, where I had this crazy nightmare that Eve died, and came back to haunt us for the rest of our lives, making us super-sorry that we let her die. She would appear as an angry ghost that was only visible in the mirror when I was alone-or when you were alone-since she would haunt you too. And she would torture us by whispering stuff to us like, 'Are you happy? You killed me! You'll never be truly happy because you killed me!' Like, we'd be getting ready for prom or some dance years into the future, and I would glance in a mirror and think, 'Oh, my mascara is running on my left eye.' Or you would think, 'I don't remember getting a black eye.' But when we'd look closely, it was like a hologram flashing some angry suck toad eyes at us, and both you and I were scarred with a dark gray streak over our left eyes that wouldn't go away, no matter how much we washed our faces. Then an echo-y voice would whisper, 'Do you think you look beautiful? You killed me! You will never be beautiful because you killed me! I will always be the ugly that follows you and keeps you from ever being beautiful!' It was just horrifying!"

Alvin winced. "Yikes! As if I wasn't scared enough before, fearing for my grades, now I'm terrified—fearing for my life! Thanks for the nightmares!"

Brittany continued, "I woke up scared out of my mind. I was like, running to the mirror to check on Eve. I was relieved that she was..." She teetered her hand horizontally. "...OK-ish. You know, she was kinda squeaking a bit, but I could tell she was still alive and hanging in there. Then I gave her a mud-bath, and she seemed just a little bit better. And I could be totally wrong about this, since I can only see out of one eye, but as I looked at her in the mirror during the mud-bath, I could've sworn she smiled at me and a voice whispered to me, 'That's better... Everything will be OK now'." She sniffled a little, as if choked up with an overwhelming sense of relief.

"Wow." Alvin blinked. "It seems like a story Jeanette would appreciate."

Brittany chuckled. "Yeah. It was like Eve gave me a psychic message in my sleep that she was dehydrated and really needed a mud-bath. That's what was happening over here about the time Dave called. So I was kinda starting to feel better by the time we talked on the phone."

Alvin asked, "And then...what? You worked on a song since we got off the phone, until the time I came to the Treehouse with dinner?"

"Not exactly." Brittany explained. "I felt like talking to someone outside of the situation, so I had a video chat with our friends Angel and Raph in New York."

"One of the Ninja Turtles and one of their friends?" Alvin asked for clarification.

Brittany went on, "Yes. Angel was doing homework at the Turtles' Lair, while Raph was nearby listening to music and flipping through magazines. Not that either of them would know much about a suck toad, but it was kinda nice to talk to them and get my mind off everything that happened at school today. They actually put Donnie and April on the video screen. Those two were working on some of the equipment in the garage at the time. But I knew I made the right choice of who I called when they both started asking me questions about Eve. I mean, April knows a lot about psychic-type stuff, and Donnie as a science-y person provided sort of a 'second opinion' about Eve's condition."

"Really? What all did they say?" Alvin was curious.

"Let me get the paper of the notes I took..." Brittany got up for a moment to retrieve a notebook from the living room. When she returned to her seat, she continued, "Donnie tends to ramble when he's in 'science-mode'—like Simon. Anyways, I told them about the nightmare about Eve haunting us, and Donnie said that he read somewhere that..." She looked at her notes, "Some species of rainforest amphibians secrete a type of hallucinogenic chemical—you know, a drug that makes people see or dream strange things. But sometimes this chemical is harvested and used in making poison darts or some other drugs. He says many of these drugs might be used as recreational drugs or in the illegal drug trade world, but a few in smaller doses are used for medicinal purposes for reducing pain, correcting heart murmurs, or inducing sleep or paralysis—like anesthesia used in surgeries. And some may also boost certain neuro-chemicals, like serotonin and norepinephrine—which lift mood and motivation, like an antidepressant effect. And it can also boost dopamine—which may lead to vivid dreams or hallucinations, if boosted too much. So it may even have potential for treating Parkinson's Disease or something like that. Also, many times the intended effects don't happen until after an initial reaction that may seem like the opposite. In other words, the side-effects such as increased pain and anxiety, racing heart rate, trouble sleeping, or feeling moody—show up before the good stuff happens."

Alvin blinked in astonishment. "Huh... That is a lot of information for a 'second opinion'."

Brittany looked up and shrugged. "It was actually pretty helpful, though. I guess that explains why I'm not feeling as cramped as I was earlier, and that bruise on my hip doesn't hurt. And my heart isn't racing like I'm in a constant panic attack. Maybe that's why, despite a nightmare, I actually woke up feeling more rested. Maybe when I started being nicer to Eve by giving her the mud-bath she wanted, she started returning the favor by giving off her 'chemicals'. The nightmare was really just a wake-up call that afterwards made me feel more 'at peace' about the whole situation, and I felt more motivated and encouraged that I can do this, even after the horribly rough day at school I just had."

"Sorry if this is a little off the subject," Alvin began, "but I just now noticed that you changed clothes. It made me think about it when you mentioned the rough day at school—which I'd be OK if we didn't talk about that for a while. I'm glad you were able to find another camo-green shirt to wear, since the one you wore earlier got ripped."

Brittany looked down at the shirt she was wearing. "Oh yeah, this one is actually more comfortable anyways. I think it's actually Jeanette's shirt from our nineteen-forties USO tribute concert series."

Alvin nodded as he remembered, "Oh yeah, 'The Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy' and songs like that."

Brittany smiled as she remembered. "Yeah, and I think we used it again when we put on that concert-slash-play where we made our own Chipmunk version of 'White Christmas', but with three guys instead of just two, and three sisters instead of just two, only everyone just kept their names. Good times!" She happily sighed. "Well, Jeanette believes in things like recycling, and it's not like she can stop me from borrowing her shirt right now..."

Alvin chuckled, "I'm sure she would be happy to let you wear it. She might just find it flattering to know that she has clothes you would actually want to borrow."

"Good point, there! And unlike me, Jeanette puts comfort ahead of fashion. Now, this may be the 'suck toad chemicals' talking—but I'm starting to think she's onto something." Brittany shared a laugh with Alvin before she rested her gaze down at her notebook and thought to resume her story. "Back to my video-chat with April and Donnie—this is kinda cool, or crazy—but April kinda looked at Eve for a few moments, kinda like looking into her eyes. And it was like April was able to 'read' Eve emotionally or something. April basically said that Eve could actually work with me, or to my advantage, if she is properly cared for in return." She glanced at Alvin and saw that he was nodding as he considered everything. "Well, Alvin, do you know what to think about all that stuff that April and Donnie shared with me? I mean, I think they're onto something. Am I crazy for seeking out their input? Or for believing them? I find them just as trustworthy as Simon or Jeanette. Is that still crazy to you?"

Alvin shrugged and shook his head. "Well, Britt, even after you told me all this crazy stuff, I still don't think you're any crazier than usual."

They shared a brief chuckle, and then Brittany's phone beeped from her pocket. She took a glance at it and explained, "Oh, that alarm means Eve is due for another mud-bath. Would you like to join me? Oh, wait, are you finished eating?"

Alvin ate and chewed one last bite. "Yeah, I'm done now. If you're done, I can take our dishes to soak in the sink for a while, then meet you...wherever you go for the mud-bath. Is it still in the house?"

"Oh, yes." Brittany motioned to the living room. "There's a spot in the corner of the living room where I spread out some newspapers. Hopefully that way Eleanor won't kill me for making a mess!"

Alvin chuckled as he took the dishes to the sink and started soaking them. After about five minutes, he joined his friend among the nest of newspapers in the living room. She had already started mixing some mud in one large bowl by combining dirt from a beach bucket with some water from another beach bucket. He sat cross-legged and facing Brittany, who was "Z-sitting" in a ladylike manner with her feet slightly behind her to her right side. "How can I help?" He asked eagerly.

"Well," Brittany considered his question. "Since right now I don't feel like pushing my face into this—it gives me some reflux this soon after eating—maybe if you could take some in your hand, and start petting it onto Eve. Just gently stroke her from her head to her tail, like you would pet a puppy or a kitten."

"Uh, OK..." For some reason, Alvin felt a bit nervous. But he just couldn't put his finger on why. Maybe there was something that he found beautiful about looking into Brittany's bright blue right eye, and that it looked like a bit of a smile was forming on her perfectly-shaped pink lips. Even though it was more obvious from this close that she had a few places around her face that were more prone to acne breakouts, Alvin still thought she looked amazing even without makeup. Dare he tell her this? Despite the fact that she had her hair messed up by a tiara of leaves, and traces of mud lingering around her face, Alvin couldn't help but feel nervous, like he felt when meeting Princess Kate, or how he would feel on a hot date with any other girl he realized was way out of his league. He took a deep breath as he started petting mud onto Eve's back.

"Is she OK? I can't see her." Brittany interrupted his anxiety.

"Oh...umm..." Alvin wasn't sure how to respond. "She's kinda...shifting around when I pet mud onto her. Can you feel it?"

"Yeah, I can feel it." Brittany smiled. "I guess that's a sign she's still alive and maybe conscious. Sometimes she responds to voices that way. I can tell if she likes someone's voice or not depending on how she shifts around when they talk. Are her eyes open?"

"Oh yes." Alvin chuckled. "I'm not sure if she knows what to think of me. Her eyeballs kinda blink at me once in a while like she's sizing me up. All she seems to know about me at this point is—that I'm not her mom—I'm not you." In a baby voice, he reassured Eve, "It's OK, Ms Evie, Papa's here. Papa wants to help Mama take care of you. Do you like that? Do you like it when Papa puts mud on you?" In his normal voice, he asked Brittany, "Is her movement a good sign? Can you tell if she likes my voice? Or should I stop talking?"

Brittany giggled. "Wait...that move you did right there... I think she really likes that."

"This?" Alvin asked with surprise. "Softly and slowly stroking her on one side, then the other?" He sighed, "Whoa...say that ten times fast."

"Yeah, that move." Brittany smiled bigger. "I can tell she likes it because I can feel all these vibrations from her against my eyeball. It feels like a cat purring in your lap, but without the pain of claws digging into you when the cat starts kneading."

Alvin chuckled. "Yeah, I can't tell whether a cat loves me when they do that, or if they just want to torture me!" In his baby voice he asked, "You like that, Ms Evie? Yes, you do. I can see you moving around for more of that. Yes, I can! You are kinda cute when you do that, Ms Evie. Yes, you are! You're ticklish, aren't you, Ms Evie? Yes, you are!" To Brittany in his normal voice, he said, "This is kinda cool! I like seeing her react to my touch. It's like when you pet a frog, and they kinda 'shift' to one side—at least the frogs that can't or don't jump away. It's like maybe they're trying to flinch and get away from your initial touch, like, 'Eww, a human—or humanoid chipmunk—is touching me! I'm gonna get warts or something!' But then after a while, if you start talking nicely to them, it's like they start leaning into your touch like they're enjoying it. You know?"

"Hmmm..." Brittany started laughing. "Funny that I may not spend as much time handling or petting frogs like you probably do, but I think I react the same way to you!"

"Oh really?" Alvin raised an eyebrow. He started gently stroking Brittany along her left jawline and said to her using his baby voice, "Do you like that, Ms Brittany? Yes, you do! I can see you moving around for more of that when I do that. Yes, I can! You are kinda cute when you do that, Ms Brittany. Yes, you are! You're ticklish aren't you, Ms Brittany? Yes, you are!" In his normal voice, he added, "I would've petted your back or shoulder, but then I would've gotten mud all over your clothes—or Jeanette's clothes."

Brittany was giggling at this point. "That was a sweet, sensitive side of you that I don't see very often. But, just so you know—I liked that, and it works! Even though it was kinda...weird, in a way."

Alvin blinked and started scratching the back of his neck with his left hand. "Right. I almost felt like we...had a 'moment' there. But, yeah, it was...weird enough that I wouldn't do that to you in front of anyone else."

"Right." Brittany slightly looked away, adjusting her bangs to behind her right ear, then realizing she was getting mud in her hair. "I guess between just the two of us, I'll admit that maybe we did have a 'moment'. But I won't tell anyone else about it."

"Me neither." Alvin chuckled nervously. They shared a simultaneous sigh, and a few moments of awkward silence where they could barely make eye contact. Alvin finally broke the silence. "So...do you mind if I just ask you some questions about Eve?"

"Uh...OK." Brittany finally smiled over at him, but didn't know what kind of questions to expect.

"First of all," Alvin began. "Does that...hurt at all?" He motioned with his left hand over his left eye. "I mean, sometimes it looks like it might hurt, having something over your eye like that."

"It kinda hurt at first, I'll admit." Brittany sighed. "Since she was kinda...slapped onto there at first. But by now, it doesn't hurt anymore. Although she kinda sucks harder when she's not happy, which kinda hurts a little more, especially for the past few days at school—like when Ms Smith starts yelling at us in class. That's a voice I can tell she doesn't like. But right now, it kinda feels like a...suction cup stuck to my eyeball. When she's happy, she purrs, which feels like I described earlier about a cat massaging you, but without the claws."

Alvin chuckled. "This may seem like a stupid question to you, but...is your left eye open or closed? And can you open or close that eye?"

Brittany giggled. "My eye is closed. When all that mud was first heading to my face, I naturally closed my eyes, like an instinct. Then it felt like being slapped in the face by a frog, and I didn't know why I couldn't open my left eye. Not that I think I could see much out of that eye anyways. I still don't know what the underside of a suck toad looks like. I'm sure Eve can feel it when my eyeball rolls around, or when I'm blinking."

Alvin chuckled. "That's exactly why I asked that question—I wanted to know what the underside of a suck toad looks like! And I'm also wondering if, when you're blinking kinda fast, if Eve feels tickled by your eyelashes."

"Now, that's a funny picture there!" Brittany giggled.

"OK, I thought of another question." Alvin paused. "I'm sure everyone will wonder this at some point, but...where, and how, does it—ahem, I mean 'she'—go to the bathroom?"

Brittany laughed sarcastically. "Well, after she eats and digests...then angels just take it away. Ha ha!"

Alvin laughed with her for a few moments. "But seriously, is her...waste...just sitting under her? Like, between her underside and your eyelid? That would definitely be a reason to keep your eye closed!"

"Well," Brittany began, "Whenever we do these mud-baths, let's just say that it's more than just mud that gets washed away!" She dipped an old cup into the beach bucket with clean water, and drew out a cupful of cleaner water. "Here, I'll show you." She poured some water into the palm of Alvin's right hand. "Just try petting that onto her to wash off the mud—in the same way that you put it onto her."

"OK..." Alvin complied. In his baby voice he said, "Time for your shower, Ms Evie." He gently splashed water onto her, washing her from her head to her tail. When he reached her tail, he commented in his normal voice. "Hey, I don't remember rubbing any mud on her that was this dark..."

"Wait for it..." Brittany smiled and puffed out her cheeks like she was holding her breath.

It suddenly hit Alvin, "UGH! Oh man! That really stinks like a swamp's dirty diaper!" He wiped his hand on a paper towel that Brittany offered him. He also used the paper towel to wipe up the mud and the waste that was on Brittany's temple. "Wow, Britt, I have a whole new respect for you now! I don't blame you for being cranky—er, having such a hard time keeping it together, mentally and emotionally. I know I certainly couldn't keep it together as well as you have."

"Good save!" Brittany giggled.

"Sorry," Alvin finished cleaning her face. "I knew I was bound to step in it sooner or later, since here I am cleaning it up. I mean...it's just...how can you live like this? I guess this is what I've been smelling throughout the day. Isn't it?"

Brittany smiled. "I don't really know how I put up with that. I mean, I've babysat, I've changed diapers—both girls and boys. Maybe I'm just used to Eve's smell by now. Although I am grateful that Eve's tail is not the end closest to my nose."

Alvin shared a laugh with her. "Well, I think being part of this mud-bath with you and Eve has really given me plenty of new things to appreciate about you—I mean, about both of you, really. I never realized how hard you had it, Britt; and seeing how you are being positive—that's actually quite an accomplishment! I'm actually kinda proud of you!"

"Awww...Thank you, Alvin!" Brittany beamed. "But I can't take all the credit, I mean, Eve has been giving off some of those 'chemicals' and stuff."

"Yeah..." Alvin thought of another question. "Do those 'chemicals' come off through her skin, and you get it kinda rubbed on like a skin cream? Or does she, like, bite you and inject it into you, like some kinda venom?"

"I don't know." Brittany blinked. "I didn't really think to ask Donnie or April to be more specific about that. Maybe some of it is kinda like 'backwash' when she sucks the nutrients out of a tiny cut in my skin. If you look closely, you can kinda see a tiny spot where she puts her mouth on me, like a straw. She doesn't really 'bite', like with teeth I can feel." She pointed to a tiny spot between her nose bridge and her left eye, the size of a small freckle. "Donnie said it may be like how medical leeches will bite, but not really leave much of a mark, since they also release chemicals to keep your blood flowing long enough for them to get fed, but also some chemicals that numb you and relieve pain at that spot, so you won't notice when they are feeding on you. But I wouldn't be surprised if Eve can give off chemicals in both ways—through her skin and her saliva."

"Fascinating..." Alvin blinked.

Brittany noticed Alvin was dreamily staring at her. "What? Are those chemicals getting to you too?"

Alvin chuckled nervously as he looked away, slightly blushing. "I guess the chemicals are getting to me. Yeah, yeah, that's it! Right now I was just noticing...that you actually look great from this close, even with mud on your face instead of makeup. I think you worry about your looks for no reason, you're still better-looking than me. And—this part especially doesn't leave the room—but...you're well-endowed enough that I don't think you need to stuff your bra, either." He noticed Brittany glanced downward with a slight blush as he said this. "I mean, not that I'm spending much time looking at your bra, or thinking about your hot pink shiny bra..." He slapped himself in the face as if trying to wake himself up. "Sorry if my crazy, inappropriate thoughts started coming out. I think one of Eve's chemicals is like a truth serum or something. Whoa...good thing I'm not driving home, huh?"

Brittany giggled awkwardly. "Wow, it's like I just went from the feature performer at a night club, to one of those people used to tell if someone's keys should be taken away—like, if someone finds me attractive, then that someone is too drunk to drive home."

Alvin shook his head. "No, you're not the 'drunk-test'. I mean, you've been absorbing the chemicals longer than me, and it's not like you find me attractive. Right?"

Brittany laughed awkwardly. "Right...uh, no offense or anything. I mean, you look good in camo, don't get me wrong..." She studied him a little using her working right eye. "You even look kinda—I don't know—masculine, hunky, heroic-cute, brimming with a certain...animal magnetism." She chuckled and looked away. "Well, I guess I'm not driving tonight either. Not like I can drive with much depth-perception, with only one eye."

The two of them shared an awkward sigh, afraid to make eye contact for a few moments. Brittany finally broke the silence with a suggestion. "So...I know you live right next door, and nobody is actually driving anywhere...but, I guess... You don't have to leave anytime soon. I guess if you wanted to sleepover—as a friend—you are welcome to spend the night. I would understand if you didn't want to stay—I mean, we do have school tomorrow."

Alvin started to smile at her. "You know, that actually sounds fun." He added a sarcastic sigh, "Well...if I have to...I guess I really shouldn't leave you alone if you're trippin' on suck toad chemicals. So I would love to sleepover here with you tonight, Brittany. Do you mind if I call Dave right now, and ask him if it's OK, and maybe ask him to pack me a suitcase, and bring my backpack?"

A/N: The song Brittany is singing is an acoustic version of the song that plays during the musical montage of the "Suck Toad" episode. Alvin plays paintball in the Nickelodeon cartoon episode "It's My Party". Alvin refers to the episode "Brittany, The Body-Snatcher" again. Jeanette believes in recycling in the episode "Going Green", and she and Brittany almost become fashion rivals in "She's Got Style". Alvin and Brittany competed to meet Princess Kate in "Mister Manners". Alvin started telling the truth and speaking his inner thoughts without a second thought in the episode "Blabber Mouth".

Sorry if Brittany seems a bit OOC as she relates to Alvin in this chapter, and therefore Alvin is also a bit OOC relating to her. The chemicals from the suck toad are causing some side-effects. And the Chipmunks and Chipettes meet the Ninja Turtles and their friends (mostly from the 2012 Nickelodeon cartoon series) in my other fanfic, "Munks Meet More Mutants".

When Brittany says that "she eats and digests…then angels just take it away," it's a line I heard in an episode of "Two Broke Girls". Caroline said it while Max was in the Pastry School in Manhattan, in the episode "And The French Kiss".

I'd love it if we could see a Chipmunk version of "White Christmas" like that. I describe my fantasies of it on my "Deviant Art" page journal topic "Movie Munk-Overs". I would want all 6 of them instead of just the 4 main characters, keeping their Chipmunk/Chipette names for simplicity. Brittany could play a role like that of Betty (Rosemary Clooney's character), who takes a while to warm up to Bob (Bing Crosby's character, played by Alvin, of course). Not that I mean to put pressure on Alvin and Brittany for an "arranged marriage" or anything, but they just make a great team of "frenemies". And Dave could play the hotel owner (and retired general) they were trying to honor. My favorite part is when the guys cover for the girls by singing the "Sisters" song!