When I published my first story in this fandom I thought it was weird that my chapters were suddenly so short. this chapter here is now back to my usual style. I am not sure though if it is what you want to read or what you expected when I sent these two on a trip together. I still hope you like it and you'll keep reading and tell me about your thoughts and questions in he reviews. I will try to answer.
Chapter 8: Questions
Dani was sitting in the large armchair beside the couch and read a book when Nico woke up. He watched her for a few seconds before he fully opened his eyes and made it known that he was awake. Dani looked up over the rim of her book and smiled slightly when she saw his sleep tousled hair and the one couch imprint he had on his cheek when he sat up slowly and blinked against the light. Nico had noticed where her yes lingered and smoothed down his hair before he rubbed over his face to get the circulation flowing that would wash away the imprint. Dani was still watching him when he dropped his hands and as he became more alert he smelled food.
"Something smells delicious," he told her as he tried to hide the yawn while he spoke.
"I didn't know when you'd wake up. When you weren't up by seven I was so hungry I had to eat. I kept it warm for you in the oven though," she let him know and looked apologetically.
"Thank you. What did you make?"
"Pasta with sea fruits," she informed him. " You want me to sit with you while you eat?" she asked, because she herself hated eating alone.
"I'll just bring it over. But before I have to get changed," he replied and stiffly got up from the couch and disappeared up the stairs. Dani went back to reading her book until he came back down a few minutes later. He didn't acknowledge her as he passed her and walked into the kitchen. But she sure noticed him. She had wondered before the trip if she would ever see him in anything else than a suit and a dress shirt now that they were spending a whole week together. She hadn't been prepared for what it would do to her though when she would. He was dressed in a tight dark blue T-shirt and grey sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Him being barefoot made the whole outfit just so much more casual and sexy. She slowly lowered her book as she followed him with her eyes until she couldn't see him anymore. Once more she was swept away by a daydream of him. Those had started long before the kiss but had gotten so much more real after it. Now she knew what kissing him was like, it was hard to stop thinking about it. She imagined running her hands through his hair as they kissed until they were breathless. While they fought for air she pulled the dark blue shirt over his head and let it drop to the floor right there in the middle of the living-room of their holiday domicile. He pulled her closer again and she couldn't resist gliding her hands over his bare torso as his lips descended on hers once more.
"Thank you for cooking," Nico said as he stepped back into the living room and interrupted her daydream of him. Quickly she checked her mouth if she had been drooling and was relieved to find it wasn't so. At the same time she knew that she was blushing, if the burning feeling on her face was any indication. Nico was so concentrated on his food though that he didn't seem to notice. He had sat down on the couch, placed his plate on the coffee table and wolfed down the pasta. By the time he looked up because she still hadn't said anything he had devoured half of his meal already and she had her emotions back under control.
"You're welcome," she said when he looked expectantly at her.
"What are you reading?" he wanted to know and motioned with his chin in the direction of the book in her lap before he ate another fork full of his meal.
"Book about therapy for patients with substance abuse issues," she let him know and showed him the cover.
"You're just as bad as me. I checked my email while I was upstairs to see if there's anything new."
"We'll never relax this way," Dani knew and thought about it for a second. "How about we make a deal?" she asked him.
"What kind of deal?" he wanted to know and looked curious.
"How about we both stay away from everything work related while we're here. We're both allowed to keep on our cell phones in case there's an emergency, but we're not allowed to call work, check emails, or read books about work," she offered. He contemplated it for a moment and then nodded.
"Ok, deal," he said and then ate the last fork full of pasta. She held out her hand to him, but he kept his eyes on his plate and pretended he didn't see it. Dani squinted, but decided to let it go. While he still chewed he leaned back against the back of the couch, which made the side of his shirt slip up and a bit of skin showed.
"This sure is a change from your usual work attire," Dani couldn't keep herself from commenting on his outfit any longer.
"You're not wearing these suicidal weapons you call shoes either," he teased her. She squinted at him again when he insulted her shoes, but only to hide the amusement.
"I figured you slept upright in a capsule, dressed in your power suit until you step out the next morning fully recharged," she teased him right back and couldn't keep a straight face anymore when he laughed out loud. If he had thought for just a second that she was serious, he wouldn't have been able to laugh about it. But as he had said, she knew him and even if she hadn't seen him in sweatpants and T-shirt before, she still knew that he was far from being an emotionless robot.
"Did you bring any other books?" he asked her then.
"Yes, I did. You want to borrow some?" she asked only half-serious.
"I can't stand chick lit," he said dryly as he got up to bring his plate into the kitchen.
"I don't read chick lit!" she yelled, laughing as she threw a pillow after him that actually hit him in the back. He didn't stop on his way, but when he got back and found her curiously looking in the direction he was coming from, he picked up the pillow and threw it, so it flew to the couch he had been sitting on. He sat down on it again, lay down so he could see Dani and rested his head on the pillow.
"Is your room and the house ok for you?" he asked her seriously.
"It's perfect Nico, thank you," she nodded and placed the closed book on the coffee table. She pulled her feet up to rest on the arm chair and rested her chin on her knees, her arms wrapped around her legs. "How are you feeling?" she asked him then.
He shrugged and looked up to the ceiling instead of at her. "I just lost my best friend." She wanted to ask him to tell her some stories of the two of them together, some happy ones, but she was too afraid the wounds were still too fresh. So she focused on technicalities.
"How long did you know him?"
"About 25 years," he replied but didn't elaborate and changed the topic instead. "Did you hear anything from your friend? She arrived safely?"
"Yes, she called. Everything is fine," she confirmed.
"What about your other friend? The other part of the fearsome threesome?" Nico asked her.
"You mean Margot?" she asked, "she has a new boyfriend and whenever she isn't married yet she drops off the face of the earth and reappears once the ink is dry in the marriage contract," she explained.
"So, you're not as close?"
"We are, just not as close as me and Jeanette," she told him. Just when he wanted to say something more his cell phone rang and when he saw who it was he sat up.
"I've got to take this," he excused himself and walked out of the living room and up the stairs as he answered. He wasn't far away enough once he greeted the person on the other end and Dani still heard his "Hello Vera," before the house swallowed the rest of the conversation. Now that he was up in his room talking to another woman Dani suddenly felt alone. She looked over to the couch where the imprints of Nico's body were still visible. Loneliness was a feeling she could deal with, because she wasn't used to it. She had always had someone beside her. But ever since she and Matt had broken up the last time it had become worse. So bad actually, that she called him in what have become a booty call if he hadn't refused to come over or talk to her. She knew he had been with another woman. It had hurt, it still did, but she was tempted again to call him and if it was only to hear his voice. She looked in the direction of her room where her cell phone lay charging, but then remembered the deal she had with Nico. She wasn't allowed to call anyone as long as it wasn't an emergency. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she be alone anymore and if it was only for a minute?
She felt restless suddenly, stood up and opened the door out to the patio. She watched the sea from the door and then stepped outside, closing the door behind her. It was too cold to risk getting wet by the sea, so she resisted dipping her toes into the waves. Instead she sat down in the large rocking chair on the patio in the same way she had sat in the arm chair: Knees drawn up to her chest, her chin resting on top of them.
She watched the waves come and go and tried not to think of anything. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth... she started to rock the chair in the same rhythm. It wasn't having the soothing effect she had been looking for and instead of nothing, she suddenly felt more alone than ever before. Tears pooled in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks as she watched the waves and kept rocking.
Unbeknownst Dani Nico had finished his call with Vera, who had heard of Marshalls death and had simply wanted to hear if he was ok, and had stepped out onto his balcony. He rested his arms on the railing and took a deep breath, refusing to cry as the call had steered up the grieve he felt. Something caught his eye and when he looked down instead of straight ahead to the sea he saw Dani sitting in the rocking chair, moving back and forth as she watched the waves, crying silently. His first impulse was to rush down and hold her and then find out what was wrong. He didn't though and remained standing on the balcony, watching her cry. He gripped the wooden railing so hard his knuckles turned white as he held onto it so he wouldn't go to her. She was in the same mood he had found her in on the day of their fateful kiss and he was still as vulnerable and still as in love with her. This time there were no kids in the house though and there was no dead fish to distract her. They were alone in this house and it wouldn't help either of them if they had sex to feel better. He reminded himself that if she rejected him afterwards or ended it with him before it even begun, because she was not ready yet for something new or still hung up on Donnelly... he knew it would happen. He knew that if Donnelly called her now and told her that he was next door and ask if she would want to come over, she would find an excuse and be gone a second later. It wasn't that she didn't care for him, he knew she did and he had seen the confusion on her face after the kiss. She was still in love with the trainer, or believed herself to be and he had too much self-respect to be the one to make her feel less heartbroken only to have his own heart shattered when she moved on. Friends, they were friends and they should do nothing to endanger this friendship.
Oh how he wished he could go down to her, hold her, kiss her and make her feel better. That was the problem: He wanted so much more than being her friend that he wasn't sure he could resist, if she offered him more- even if it was only for a night. He held onto the railing but leaned back and stood up straight. He took a deep breath and then tore his eyes away from her and looked back out to the sea, watching the last few rays of sun, before it disappeared behind the waves.
Nico was up early the next morning and decided to watch the sun rise from the beach. He still wore his sweatpants and shirt, but added a grey woolen vest so he wouldn't be too cold. He didn't know how long he had been sitting on the beach when he heard Dani coming. It must have been a while because the sun was already up high.
"Hey, there you are," she greeted him.
"Good morning," he replied and turned his head to look at her.
"Good morning. I saw you from the windows. I have coffee," she told hi m and handed him a cup before she sat down beside him. The first thing on her mind was that she wanted to ask him what Vera had told him on the phone last night and why she had called. But it was none of her business and she didn't want Nico to withdraw even more from her than he had since the kiss. Sure, he had proposed the trip, but then she hadn't seen him for days and now that they were here he kept his distance. They had always bantered and there had always been some kind of physical contact between them. Sometimes it was just a handshake or a soft punch in the shoulder, other times he rested his hand on the low of her back as they walked beside each other or she would touch his arm while talking. Now he even moved away from her when she sat down beside him.
"Do you want to be alone?" she asked him, because she just had to comment on him moving away from her.
"No," was all he said and took a sip of the coffee she had brought him.
"Do you regret bringing me here with you?" she didn't give up. The thought hurt her, but what was she supposed to think. One moment they were talking and the next he vanished after getting a phone call. And now he didn't want to sit beside her.
"No! Why would you think that?" he asked with wide eyes, clearly shocked.
"You flinched away from me when I just sat down," she told him and kept it to herself that she had also noticed how he had avoided touching her when he had taken the coffee from her hand.
"Sorry," he said. "Marshall's death has me in strange mood," he offered as an explanation. It wasn't a lie, but not the whole truth either. Marshall's death simply left him emotionally too weak to resist her like he usually did. The knowledge that she would most likely not push him away if he kissed her again, didn't help either.
"Oh Nico," she sighed, put her cup of coffee down on the sand and then hugged his left arm with both of hers and rested her cheek on his shoulder. " I wish I could help you somehow."
"You are," he replied but didn't move. He kept his eyes on the sea while the scent of hair filled his nostrils. It was true, she helped him, because he immediately felt better with her snuggled up to him. It was innocent and meant to bring him comfort and as long as he could keep himself from kissing her, everything would be fine.
"Good," she smiled into his wool clad arm and picked up her coffee cup again. It was nice to help him and at the same time feel not so alone anymore, she thought as they sat on the beach and watched the sea while they sipped their coffee.
"Haha! I win again!" Dani hollered as she won another round of Poker against Nico. They had been playing for a while. After their coffee on the beach they had eaten breakfast, then had read a bit and finally had decided in the afternoon that they could play cards.
"Yes, because you are cheating! You change the rules as you please every five seconds," Nico laughed and threw his cards down on the kitchen table.
"Not true! You're simply a sore loser Mr. Careles," Dani shook her head and pointed a finger at him.
"I am right and you know it," he insisted, still laughing. "What time is it?" he asked her then, knowing she could see the clock on the wall behind him.
"Quarter past four," she let him know.
"What are we gonna do for dinner? You want to cook or should we go out to eat?" he asked her.
"I don't feel much like dressing up. So maybe we could stay here. I can make something if you want," she shrugged.
"Ok, I'll help you. But before I'm gonna go for a run," he decided.
"It's raining," she pointed out and looked disapprovingly at the black clouds that were coming in from the sea.
"It's just a drizzle and I won't be long," he insisted and went up to his room to change. When he came back down she had her head in the fridge and was checking what she could make for dinner.
"How about stew and potatoes?" she asked him without changing her position when she heard him.
"Sounds good. See you later, doctor," he replied from the doorway and was gone a second later, jogging down the beach.
An hour and a half later Dani was a nervous wreck. She had ruined two nails already by chewing on them, but she didn't care. Ten minutes after Nico had left the house a storm had started that had her scared even inside the house. It was pouring down like the world would come to an end, while flashes lit up the sky and the thunder was so loud she wanted to hide under her bed. Only the fear for Nico kept her pacing the living room, although she jumped every time another flash showed or the thunder rumbled outside.
She had told him that it was raining and she hadn't liked the look of the weather in the first place, but he just had to go. Had she lost her touch as a therapist and missed that he was suicidal now after his friend's death? She remembered them laughing together over their poker game and relived the scene that morning at the beach. Would her last memories of him really always make her wonder why he flinched away from her? Why hadn't she insisted on a real answer when she knew he was avoiding answering her? They had so much to talk about and yet they had remained silent for two days already. What were they thinking?
When the door from the porch to the living room was opened and a dripping Nico rushed inside she looked at him like she was seeing a ghost for a second. Then she rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Thank God, Nico, you're back," she cried before she stepped back, anger suddenly overwhelming her. "Do you have any idea how scared I was? Where the hell have you been?" she yelled at him and hit his chest. Nico didn't reply he just caught her hands with his and let them go again when she stopped yelling. Water was dripping from his hair and his clothes down onto the floor and his skin felt cold under her hands, but Dani didn't care. First she hugged him again and then she pulled back and pressed her lips to his in relieve. He was back, he wasn't dead and she was just so happy to see him. She hadn't lost him. Nico was shocked when her lips were suddenly on his once more and then he was overwhelmed by his feelings for her, as he kissed her back passionately. Dani closed her eyes and clung to him while she let herself be swept away by the kiss. She hadn't thought twice about kissing him, not like the last time. Back then they had both hesitated. She had just acted on an impulse and it was one that made her feel amazing. The butterflies in her stomach were dancing away and her legs got weaker and weaker as he kissed her. Then suddenly, just as quick as it had begun, it was over. She opened her eyes and blinked, not understanding why he wasn't kissing her anymore. His hands were gripping her upper arm and he was holding her away from him. When she saw his face she knew that something was seriously wrong. His face was a mask of anger, while his eyes held an expression of longing and hurt that made her stomach drop.
"I cannot do this!" he said forcefully, his voice loud to her ears although it was nothing more than a hoarse whisper.
She blinked again, trying to make sense of it all."Why?"
"Damn it, Dani! I care too much to be your rebound guy," he spat.
"You're not..." she started, but then stopped. Was he really not? she asked herself. He didn't wait for her to finish her sentence or start a new one.
"Please, doctor, do us both a favor and don't lie to me or to yourself." With that statement he left the living room and hurried up to his room. The slamming sound of his door made Dani jump as she stood in the living room, lost and with more questions than answers.
When he came back down half an hour later he had showered and changed. he now wore a pair of blue jeans, socks and a white shirt. At first Dani didn't dare to look at him, but she knew she was being chicken. Her biggest fear was to lose him and that wasn't less likely if she kept avoiding looking at him. She was sitting in the middle of couch with her feet tucked underneath her. Nico sat down beside her and surprised her by how close he sat down next to her. It gave her the courage to turn her head and look at him.
"Nico, I'm so..." he held up a hand and stopped her.
"We need to talk," he said and didn't sound angry anymore, but his tone of voice made it clear that he meant business. "And I am not only talking about the two kisses and the attraction between us or possible feelings. But I mean about everything. TK, the team, our jobs, Marshall, Gabrielle and Juliette, your ex-husband, kids and Matt. Everything. And I mean really talk. Otherwise I can't do this here anymore," he said and pointed between the two of them.
"I know," she said quietly. " You're right." She turned her head and focused back on her hands. "But you know that we will probably hurt each other in the process?" she had to warn him.
"I know, but I prefer the truth to anything else," he insisted.
"Yeah me, too. I just don't like asking questions that are hurting you," she admitted and sighed.
"Ok, then we'll start today. But first let's make dinner," he told her and nudged her shoulder softly with his. Uncertainly she looked up at him once more and when she found him giving her a small reassuring smile, she couldn't help but smile back at him.
TBC